First Day Jitters

Author's note:  I am blown away by the amount of page views I am getting, along with the sweet comments.  Thank you for reading!  I'm so excited that I am combining the next two posts into an extra long one.  (And otherwise, today's post would not have had any Brody, and that would have been tragic!)
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The rest of my weekend was uneventful, and on Sunday evening, I found myself nervously obsessing over my first day of work outfit.  I must have tried on about 8 different outfit combinations when I heard my phone ring.  I was half in and half out of shirt #4 with pants #3, so I grabbed the phone and answered without looking at who was calling, assuming it was Lauren.  "Hey, you have to help me figure out what to wear for work tomorrow before I burn my entire closet to the ground."

There was a pause on the other end before a familiar, deep voice said, "Well, I don't know if I can drive out there before you actually have to be to work in the morning, but you know I love the gray pinstriped pants."  Oh shit, it was John.  I can't believe I didn't look before I answered.

"Oh, John.  Hey...sorry, I thought you'd be Lauren."

"Sorry for what?  Sorry you answered?" he replied wryly.

"No...I...um..." I felt my face turning pink again.  I thought I had read something on the internet once about avoiding blushing.  I'd have to google it again later, because it seemed like my face had been pink more than it had been it's normal color lately.  "Sorry, I'm just a little surprised.  How are you?"

"Fine," he said.  "I just wanted to see how the move went, and wish you luck on your first day.  How is the new place?"

"It's good.  It's pretty much the same as in the pictures, and the neighborhood is fine too.  My next door neighbor seems really nice, and I met a girl that lives down the street.  She goes to the same gym I'm trying out, so we're going to work out together."  Ugh, knock off the rambling Liv, I thought to myself.  Almost as cute as the constant blushing.

"Good, I'm glad you're settling in.  Things here are ok.  We all miss you already." Well, that's the closest thing to feelings he'd ever expressed to me sober.  At least, I thought he was sober.

"Oh,"  I said, not sure what to say to that.

There was a long pause, and then he said, "Well, I'll let you get back to tearing your closet apart.  It was good to talk to you.  Good luck tomorrow.  Call me sometime, ok?"

"Yeah, thanks.  Have a good night."  John muttered something that I couldn't make out.  "What?" I asked.

"Nothing.  Good night, Liv."  And then he hung up.

I was pretty sure I had heard the word "love" somewhere in there, but I wasn't certain.  And I didn't care.  I didn't want him to love me.  I wanted him to let me go.


I didn't sleep at all that night.  I tossed and turned, and when I did drift off, around 4 am, I had a nightmare about John showing up at the office and making a fool out of me.  I finally rolled out of bed around 6, showered, and got dressed.  I had considered skipping the gray pinstriped pants out of spite, but they were my favorite pair, so I paired them with a dark purple shell and a white cardigan.  The office was casual, and the person leading the orientation had been wearing khakis and a polo shirt, but I was a firm believer in making a good first impression.  I decided my outfit was a good middle ground between casual and typical business attire.  I ate breakfast and finished getting ready and was out the door.

A week ago I had been oriented to the agency, policies, and HR stuff.  Today was a mind numbing training on the electronic record system they used for plans and contact notes.  Thrilling, really.  Luckily, Charlotte was in this training too, and the person training us was well aware of the boring-factor of the material and had a good sense of humor.  We got an hour for lunch and Charlotte and I walked to a cafe down the street together.

When the training was finally finished, I headed home.  Halfway there I realized I needed to go to the grocery store.  I pulled over to find one with my phone, and picked up a bunch of stuff.  As I was hauling my bags in, Cassie, the next door neighbor, wandered out her door.  She grabbed a couple bags out of my trunk and brought them in behind me.

"Thanks!" I said, happy to see her.  "How's it going?"

"Good, I was just grilling some chicken for dinner and going to sit on the deck with a glass of wine.  Do you want to join me?" she asked.

"I'd love to.  I have some pasta salad leftover from a barbecue this weekend I can bring over, and I'll find a bottle of wine," I responded, happy I didn't have to cook.

She headed back to her place to check on the chicken, and after I finished putting my groceries away, I grabbed a bottle of wine and the leftover pasta salad, and walked out the back door.  I walked around the partition that separated our yards and up the stairs to her deck.  She handed me a bottle opener, and we sat and chatted until the sun set, drinking wine.  Suddenly, the half bottle of wine I had drank, along with my terrible sleep the night before, hit me hard and I felt exhausted.  I thanked Cassie for feeding me and hanging out, and headed home for bed.

After the first day at work, I slept much better.  The first day jitters were gone, and I was ready to meet the people I'd be working with the next day.  I wasn't quite ready to get up when my alarm went off, but once I was up and showered and I felt much more awake.

The day flew by, with a couple hours of staff meetings, a couple hours of reading client files, and a couple hours of shadowing other therapists in the agency.  The agency was a little different from any I'd been familiar with, doing a combination of office and home-based sessions.  Wednesday was much of the same.

On my way home on Wednesday, my phone rang.  I fished it out of my purse when I had parked in my garage.  It was Lauren, and I called her back as I walked inside.  She told me that they were planning on another happy hour tomorrow night and I made plans to meet them there when I was done with work.  "So, Brody has a cabin in the mountains, and we're all going up for the 4th of July weekend.  You should come." she said, after settling the plans for Thursday. 

"It sounds awesome, but I'm not sure...I don't want to impose, and I'm so new to the group.  Would it be weird?"  I asked.

"No, he told me to ask you.  If you don't come, I'm going to be stuck listening to wedding plans and watching Savannah throw herself at Brody all weekend by myself.  Come onnnn," she whined. 

"I'll think about it.  It does sound fun, I just don't want it to be weird."

Knowing that it would be the best answer she was getting for now, she let it go, asking me about my first few days at work.  We chatted for about 15 minutes and then I let her go so I could find something to eat.

Thursday passed uneventfully.  Since I didn't get out of work until 6, I drove straight to the bar and grill where Lauren and the gang had already started happy hour.  I found a lot to park in and texted Lauren that I'd be there in a couple minutes.  She texted back that they were at a table in the back corner, and that Savannah was not coming.  I silently rejoiced, and walked in.

I found them easily, and pulled Lauren to the bar to get a drink with me.  When we returned, Brody stood up and walked over to my chair.  He pulled out a chair from the empty table behind us and sat down.  "So you're going to come with us next weekend, right?  Up to the cabin?" he asked.

"Yeah, I was thinking about it.  Lauren told me about it last night.  It sounds like fun."

"It will be.  You really should come.  We'll all meet at my house and take 1 or 2 vehicles up.  I was thinking about leaving Thursday evening so we have all day Friday and Saturday, but we could go Friday morning too, whatever works best for people.  So keep me posted on what you decide, ok?"

"I will," I promised.  He grinned at me, then walked back to his seat on the other side of the table, next to Alex.   Before I knew it, it was 9:30 and I realized I'd better make my way home.  I got up and said goodbye.  Brody stood up too, saying he needed to get going and offering to walk me out.

We made our way through the now-crowded bar area, Brody picking a path and me sticking close behind him.  When we got outside, he asked if I needed a cab.  I shook my head.  "I drove.  I'm parked in the lot the next block over."

"Can I walk you?" he asked.  "I'm over there too."

We walked close, arms occasionally brushing.  Every time our arms touched, heat spread through me from the point of contact.  "You know," he said, casually slinging an arm across my shoulders, "I'll be really disappointed if you don't come up to the cabin."  My eyes slid up to his face, expecting a smirk, but instead met a serious expression.  I blushed (shocking), but managed to hold his gaze for a second before looking ahead of us.

"Ok, I'll come," I said.  There was no way I could say no, at this point.  I probably would have stood on my head in the middle of the street if he'd asked.  "It will be nice to get out of the city for the weekend."

His face broke into a wide grin.  "Awesome!  It's going to be great, I'm glad you're going to come."

We were at my car (note to self: park further away next time) at this point.  I grabbed my keys out of my purse and hit the button to unlock the door.  Before I could open it, Brody grabbed the handle and pulled the door open for me.  As I settled into the driver's seat, he spoke.  "Well, drive safe.  I'll text you with details for next weekend."  Then, he leaned down, kissed me softly on the cheek, and shut the door firmly.

I sat in my car without starting it for nearly a minute, trying to determine if Brody wanted more than friendship, or if this was just his particular brand of friendly and welcoming.  I shook my head, telling myself I was being ridiculous either way since I had known this guy all of a week, and went home.