Clearing the Air

We didn't stay at the bar for long after seeing Savannah cozy up to Quinn.  Lauren didn't seem angry, just puzzled.  When we got back to her house, I grabbed her laptop and did a little sleuthing. We poked around her profile and his, but found nothing but that they were Facebook friends. 

We all spent the night at Lauren's apartment, and went out for brunch in the morning.  I had turned my phone off before we went out the night before, and didn't turn it back on until after I was home Sunday afternoon.  I had a voicemail from Brody.

"Hey Liv.  I hope you slept well.  I know your week is going to be really crazy again, but I hope I can see you sometime, even if it's not until next weekend.  Let me know."

I debated not calling him back and letting him sweat it out for a couple days, but then I decided the only one that would be sweating about it would probably be me, and dialed his number.  He picked up on the second ring.


"Hi, beautiful.  How was girls' night?"

"It was...good."  I didn't feel like going into the details with him.  "How are you?"

"Good.  I'm good."  The conversation felt forced and awkward, but he pushed on.  "Next weekend?  I know you might not feel like going out again since your week will be like last week, but I was thinking you could come over.  I could cook."

I debated for a second.  "Yeah, okay.  How about Friday?"

"Friday is good.  7:30?"

"7:30 works," I said flatly.

"Good, I'll see you then."  His voice sounded warm, and I felt a stab of guilt for being so short with him.  "Call me if you can sneak away for lunch sometime this week."

"I will," I promised.  And I meant it.


I didn't get a chance to meet Brody for lunch.  Some days, I barely had a chance to inhale a sandwich at my desk between clients.  By the time Thursday rolled around, I was seriously considering cancelling on John.  I was dreading our dinner plans.  But I knew I had to go if I wanted to close that chapter of my life for good.

I showered and got ready quickly, then drove to the restaurant we'd agreed to meet at.  He was already there when I handed my keys to the valet.  I was worried that I might see him and feel butterflies, or regret at moving, or something, but I was relieved when seeing him elicited absolutely no feelings about him besides irritation that I was here, and not at home in my bed.

I greeted him stiffly.  He hugged me, and I put minimal effort into returning it.  He looked at me carefully.  "It's good to see you, Livy," he said, using the nickname I hadn't allowed anyone but him to call me since I was 9.  "You look amazing."

"You do too," I said calmly.  "Should we sit?"  I had made a reservation, but the restaurant wasn't terribly busy at this time of night.  He nodded and led the way up to the host stand.  We were seated and given menus.  I ordered sparkling water with a lime and he got his usual Jack and Coke.

"So..." he said, looking uncomfortable.  "How are you?  How do you like it out here?"

"I love it," I said sincerely.  "I'm making a lot of friends, which is really nice.  I really like my job.  It's been crazy the past couple weeks, but still good."

We made awkward small talk through the meal.  I told him about my job, my friends.  I didn't tell him about Brody.  I still wasn't sure there was anything to tell.  He told me about his new job and updated me on some of the people I hadn't talked to.

He smiled at me, and I silently willed our waiter to hurry back with the bill.  "This is weird," John said.  "I'm sorry.  I thought...I thought if we..."  He trailed off, looking at me hopefully.

I looked down at my silverware in front of me.  This sucked.  I wanted to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that there was no future for us, but I didn't want to hurt him.  I knew it was unavoidable, though.

I looked back up at him.  He was gazing at me sadly.  "John," I started, taking a breath to steady my voice.

"No," he interrupted.  "I know.  It's okay.  I thought when I saw you, that I'd be able to talk you into moving back, or something crazy like that.  But when I actually saw you, I realized that I don't want to."

I looked at him, surprised.  He laughed humorlessly.  "Don't get me wrong.  If you came back to Wisconsin, I'd be thrilled.  But I can tell that you wouldn't be.  You're happy here.  You look good.  You look completely comfortable navigating this city life.  This is home now.  All I want--all I've ever wanted--is for you to be happy.  And I could always tell you weren't quite there.  So as much as it hurts to let you go, I'm content knowing that you're happy."

I stared at him, silently.  This is not how I was expecting this to go, but it's going beautifully.  John has just let me off the hook.  When the waiter came with the bill, I reached for it, but John swatted my hand away.  He handed the waiter a credit card and turned back to me.  "I can't promise I'll never call, because you've been too big of a part of my life to just shut you out, but if I do call, it will be as a friend, and only a friend."  The waiter brought back the receipt and John signed it quickly and shut the book.  He stood up and offered me his hand.  I took it and stood, and we walked out together.

"Do you need a ride?" I asked, as I waited for my car.

"Yeah, that would be great.  I'm just a couple blocks away, but it's been a long day."

I drove him to his hotel.  The silence was no longer awkward.  When we got there, he leaned over and hugged me.  "Thanks for having dinner with me.  It really was good to see you.  Take care of yourself out here."

I wished him a safe flight back, and he was gone.  I heaved a sigh of relief, feeling lighter than I had in weeks.  I drove home, and slept like a rock.

Friday was busy, but I was out of the office at 6.  I drove home, showered, dried my hair, and threw on denim shorts and a close-fitting sleeveless top.

I drove out to Brody's house.  He pulled the door open before I had a chance to ring the bell.  He smiled widely.  "Hi," he greeted me.  "You look good."  His eyes lingered on my bare legs.  I stepped in and offered the bottle of wine I had brought.  "Awesome, I haven't had a chance to go downstairs to grab a bottle yet.  He opened a drawer and handed me a bottle opener.  "Can you open it?  Glasses are in the cabinet to the right of the sink."

I opened the wine and poured two glasses.  I brought them out to the deck where he was flipping something on a small grill.  I handed it to him.  He finished what he was doing and shut the cover.  He put an arm around my waist and pulled me to him.  He kissed me and then said quietly, his breath tickling my ear, "I missed you this week."  My pulse quickened, and I leaned into him.  He ran his fingers down my back, letting them rest just past the waistband of my shorts.  He looked down at me.  "Should I even ask how your week was?" he asked, smiling wryly.

I groaned.  "It was awful.  But the audit is Monday and Tuesday, so it should go back to normal then."

"Good," he said, "I hate waiting so long to see you."  He tilted my chin up and kissed me.  When he pulled back, he was smiling.  "Hungry?"

"I'm always hungry," I said, only half joking.  He turned to the grill and pulled off steaks and salmon and grilled potatoes.  He had made a salad as well.

"I'm impressed," I said, between bites.  "This is really good."

He raised his eyebrows, "You're surprised?" he asked, with mock hurt in his voice.  "I have many talents."  Yeah...I'd like to see some of the ones you're holding back from me. 

When we finished the meal, I got up and took my plate and his to the sink.  I was rinsing them when an arm locked around my waist from behind.  With his other hand, he brushed my hair over one shoulder.  He pressed his lips to the spot where my neck meets my shoulder, and I melted back against him.  He moved his mouth along my shoulder, and I was thankful for his arm tight around my waist, because I wasn't sure my legs would hold me.  "Mmmm," I breathed.  He responded by nipping my shoulder gently.

He turned me towards him and lifted me up to sit on the edge of the sink.  I ran my hands down his chest and kissed him hard.  He kissed me back, fingers trailing over my shoulder, down my throat, and pausing at the neckline of my shirt.

I pulled away, breathing hard.  "Do you have a bedroom?  Might be more comfortable than the kitchen counter."

He stepped back and lifted me down from the counter.  "I do..." he trailed off, and made no move out of the kitchen.

I crossed my arms and stared him down.

"Don't look at me like that," he said, softly.

I gaped at him.  I took a deep breath and walked to the table.  I pulled a chair out and sat down.  "I'm really confused," I said evenly.  "Everything has been going great.  Those first two dates we went on were amazing.  But since then, every time things get a little heated, it's like you can't get away fast enough."

He leaned back against the counter and ran a hand through his hair.  "Can I ask you something?" he asked, not meeting my eyes.

"Of course," I responded.

"Who were you at dinner with last night?"

"Wait, what?  Are you serious?"  He met my gaze, unblinking.  I sighed.  "It was my ex, John.  He's in town for a work training, and he wanted to see me.  I was hoping it would be closure for him, so he could move on."  Brody was looking at the floor again.  "How did you even know?"

"Alex told me.  Savannah saw you there.  She saw you both get in your car."   Of course she did.  Neither of us spoke for a minute.  Then he said, "I know it's not my business, but I wish you would have told me about it."

I opened my mouth to speak, and closed it again.  I took another deep breath and counted to 5, then said, "Brody, nothing happened.  We had dinner, we talked, it was really awkward.  I gave him a ride the 4 blocks back to his hotel.  He hugged me and wished me well.  And I would have told you, if I had any idea how you actually feel about me."

He looked up at that.  "If you had any idea...are you joking?"  When I didn't respond, he went on.  "I can't believe you don't know.  I'm crazy about you.  If I could see you every single day, I would.  What have I done to make you question my feelings?"

"More like what you haven't done," I muttered.  He cut his eyes at me, and I huffed out my breath.  "Sorry.  I'm just kind of confused.  You got me all riled up and then took off so fast last weekend, I didn't know what I did.  I mean, you can't just make out with someone like that and then leave without it being confusing!"

"Shit, Liv."  He walked over to the table and pulled out the chair next to mine.  "I have a bad reputation.  I know you've heard things.  Hell, I told you myself that I indulged in a solid year of casual sex here."  He looked at me, and I nodded.  "I didn't want you to think I was only out to sleep with you.  I figured if I could refrain for awhile, it would be obvious I was looking for more than just sex."

"Well...you could have just told me," I said, feeling my cheeks start to heat up.

He laughed.  "If I would have told you, would you have believed me?"  I thought for a second, then shook my head. "See?  I had to show you.  But unfortunately, I wasn't able to completely control myself, and I let things go a little too far last weekend.  When I realized it, I sort of freaked out.  I was so worried about you believing that I didn't just want to sleep with you that I didn't even think about how confusing that might be for you.  I'm sorry for that."  He reached for my hand.  I let him take it.  He stroked my palm with his fingers, then pulled me into his lap.  He leaned forward to kiss me, but right at that second, I yawned.

He sat back and laughed.  "Okay...so I know I used the same line last weekend and it pissed you off, but you really do look like you need to sleep."  I nodded sleepily, leaning my head against his.  "Do you want to stay?"  I considered for a moment but then shook my head.

"No, I never sleep well in a new place.  I need real sleep tonight.  I should head home."  I stood up, looking down at him.  He stood too.

"Tell you what," he said, smoothing my hair back and wrapping his arms around me.  "Let me take you out to dinner tomorrow night.  Now that we've cleared up the misunderstandings on both sides, we'll have a clean slate tomorrow."

"I'd like that," I said, then yawned again.

He looked at me, concerned.  "Are you going to be okay to drive home?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Will you call or text me when you get home and let me know?" he asked, still looking concerned.

"I will, I promise."

He walked me to the door and kissed me.  I had started to walk out when he said, "Hey."  I turned back.  "Was it successful?"

"Was what successful?" I asked, confused.

"Your dinner?  Did he get the closure he needed?"  He looked at me curiously.

I smiled.  "Yeah, I think he did.  He saw how happy I am here."

Brody smiled back.  "Good.  Goodnight, Liv."