My what?

We made it to 300,000 today!  You guys are awesome.  If you missed Alex's post on the date, I put that one up yesterday.  I'll put up a post every evening from today (or yesterday, I guess!) until Thursday night this week to celebrate 300k views.  Thank you all so much for reading, you rock!
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After having another (well-timed) nightmare on Thursday night, I decided to make some phone calls on Friday to the potential therapists I had pinpointed.  One wasn't taking new clients, one was a little rude on the phone, and the third one I called didn't answer.   I left a message and went to the gym.

When I was on my way home, my phone rang.  I answered without really looking, and was surprised that it was the therapist that I had left a message for.  We talked for a few minutes, and since I got a good vibe from her, I made an appointment.

I cleaned and did laundry the rest of the day, enjoying my Friday off.  This wasn't my normal Friday off, but I had used one of my abundant PTO days at the urging of my boss, who informed me that they accrue so fast that if you don't use one for the hell of it every once in awhile, you end up with more than you know what to do with.  A truly awful problem to have, obviously. 

Lauren came over when she got done with work.  Since I had to work the next day, we ordered dinner and lounged in my living room with a bottle of wine.  I heard more about having sex with Alex than I ever needed to know, but I kept my mouth shut because I loved that Lauren was actually dating someone and happy about it.  I couldn't resist teasing her a little, though.

On Saturday, my work day went fast and I decided to stop at the gym on my way home.  I did a quick workout and then went home.  I had just gotten out of the shower when my doorbell rang.  I quickly pulled on a pair of pants and a sweatshirt and was halfway down the stairs when it rang again.  I opened the door and was surprised to see Brody standing there.  We had plans to go out later, but he was going to be at work for most of the day today so I wasn't planning on seeing him for a few more hours. 

"Hi," I greeted him.  "Sorry, I had just gotten out of the shower.  I thought you'd still be at work."

He kissed me on the cheek and said, "I had planned on still being at work, but I just couldn't stay there any longer."  I ran upstairs to finish getting dressed, then came back down.  I told Brody about making a therapy appointment, and he seemed happy that I had done it.  I wanted to ask him if had heard any more from his dad, but he'd made it pretty clear over the past couple days that he'd prefer to just forget about the entire incident, so I bit my tongue.  I had just walked into the kitchen to get something to drink when my phone rang.

I looked at it, but didn't recognize the number on the screen.  "Hello?" I answered, holding up a finger to Brody.

"Hi, is this Olivia Saffiano?" came the voice from the other end, which sounded as though it belonged to an older women.

"Yes it is, who is this?" I asked in confusion.

"Olivia, my name is Nadine Sanders.  I'm, well...I'm your grandmother."

I wasn't sure if I had heard correctly.  My maternal grandmother was dead, and Chris's mother's name certainly wasn't Nadine Sanders.  That only left... "My what?" I asked, not willing to acknowledge that this might be my biological dad's mother.  I made my way over to the couch and sat down hard next to Brody.  I must have looked as weirded out as I felt, because he looked concerned and seriously confused.  I pulled the phone away from my ear, stabbing at the speaker button so he could hear.

"...our son, Alan, was your father, though I guess you probably don't know him as your father," she was saying, when her clear voice came through the speaker.  Brody's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry," I said, interrupting her.  "Did you say 'was' my father?'  What do you mean 'was'?"

She paused, then cleared her throat.  "He died a couple years ago."

"Oh," I said, unable to form a more complete thought.  Brody was staring at the phone in amazement.

After an awkward silence, Nadine continued.  "We've been trying to track you down for several years, dear.  Imagine our surprise when we finally found you, and discovered that you're in Colorado!  Your grandfath--um, my husband and I live in Utah, and if you're interested, we'd really love to meet you."

I didn't respond.  My brain was reeling.  Finally, I stuttered, "Wow, I'm not really sure what to say.  Would it be okay, I mean, can I... I think I need a few days to wrap my head around this." 

"Of course, dear," she said kindly.  She asked if her number came up when she called, and I read the numbers on my screen back to her.  "That's our home number.  I'm afraid we're not much good with cell phones and that email nonsense, but you can leave us a message if we're not home.  We'd really love to meet you."

I hung up and sat staring at the silent phone for several seconds.  Then I looked up at Brody.  He was watching me carefully, his face concerned.  "Are you okay?" he asked gently.

"I don't know," I replied.  "That was really, really weird."

"It was," he said, sliding his fingers between mine and squeezing my hand.  "I'm sorry about your father."

I shrugged.  "He was never my father," I responded simply.  I settled back against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me tightly.  He didn't ask questions, and I was glad.  He held me silently while I struggled with my racing thoughts.  "I need to call my mom," I said finally, sitting up.

"Do you want me to go?" Brody asked.

I shook my head.  "No, I'd really prefer if you stayed, if you don't mind."

"Of course I'll stay," he said.  I reached for my phone, and held it for several seconds before calling home.

My dad answered.  "Is mom there?" I asked, skipping a greeting.

"She is, is everything okay Olivia?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"Fine, please, can I just talk to mom?" He called her to the phone, and when she answered, I said, "Mom, a lady named Nadine Sanders just called me."  My mom's sharp intake of breath on the other end told me she knew exactly who Nadine Sanders was.

"Oh honey," my mom said, "I'm sorry, that must have been quite a shock.  Wow.  I assume she told you who she is?"

"Yeah," I replied shortly.  "She did.  She--they want to meet me.  They live in Utah."  Then, as an afterthought, I added.  "Alan's dead."  Brody cringed at my bluntness.

My mom didn't say anything for a second, and I heard dad's voice in the background asking what was going on.  "Wow," she repeated.

"I'm sorry, that was not the way I planned on delivering that news," I said contritely.  "I'm just sort of in shock."

"I know honey, don't apologize.  I didn't think they'd ever contact you, or I would have warned you. I'm the one that should be sorry."

"Mom, you offered me the information and I turned it down, so...ugh, let's not argue about who should or shouldn't be sorry.  I just...I don't know what to do," I admitted.  "Did you know them?  His parents, I mean." I couldn't bring myself to call them my grandparents.

"I did, a little bit.  I met them once.  They seemed like perfectly lovely people.  A little young, but very nice and put together.  I always wondered how they managed to produce someone like Alan."  It was weird to finally, after 27 years, know my biological father's name--a factoid that I had spent almost as many years avoiding.

"Mom?" I asked tentatively.  "I think I might want to meet them.  Is that...will that upset you?"

"Liv, honey, I would have driven you to the prison to meet Alan if you had decided that's what you wanted.  This is a decision that is completely up to you, and I will support you completely, no matter what you decide to do.  I just want it to be your decision, and not a decision you've made because of what they want or what I want."  Relief washed over me.

"Thank you, mom.  I'm curious, more than anything.  I want to take a few days to think about it after the shock wears off, though."

"That sounds like a good idea," she replied.  "I'd be happy to try to answer any questions that you have."

"I think I'm okay for now," I said.  We said goodbye and I hung up.  I looked at Brody.  "Can we do something?" I asked.  "Like walk?  Or anything, really."  I jiggled my leg up and down, restless and overwhelmed.

Brody stood and stretched.  "Walking sounds good," he said, reaching for his shoes.  I didn't move from where I was sitting on the couch, shaking my leg and staring at the wall.  Brody put his shoes on and walked back to me.  "Hey," he said gently, reaching for my hands.  I let him pull me to my feet.  I stared at his chest, unable to slow the thoughts flying through my mind.  He tipped my chin up so our eyes met.  "You don't have to decide anything now.  And whatever you decide, your mom supports you, and I'll support you.  All you have to do is tell me what you need from me."

I nodded and leaned into him as he hugged me.  "For now, I need you to distract me, and I need to burn off some of this energy."

"Well, then you have two options," he said, grinning.  "One involves getting naked, and the other involves you putting your shoes on and me telling bad jokes while we walk."

I laughed.  "As much as I love getting naked with you, since I can't stop thinking about some lady who claims to be my grandmother, I think I'll go grab my shoes."

I turned and went upstairs to get my shoes, and he called up after me, "Knock knock!"

"Oh lord," I muttered under my breath, before calling back down, "Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow!" he yelled.

"Brody, everyone's heard this--"

"MOO!"  I couldn't help laughing as he completed the joke, despite my lack of participation.  "That's just a preview!" he called, when he finished laughing at himself.  I slipped my shoes on and tied them upstairs, giving myself a minute alone to take a few deep breaths.  Brody grinned at me when I came back downstairs.

"Are you seriously going to tell me all the bad jokes you know?" I asked.

"Yup," he replied, as we started out the door.  "Hey, do you know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?"

I rolled my eyes.  "No, I have no idea."

"Beer nuts are $1.59, and deer nuts are under a buck!" he chortled.  He waggled his eyebrows at me, and I laughed in spite of myself.

"This is going to be a long walk," I said, shaking my head.