(Then) Liv: Connections

“What about that one?” Amy asked, motioning to a lanky blonde guy sitting in the corner with two other guys and a girl.

I wrinkled my nose.  “No.”  Lynn and Amy were determined to get me a date tonight, mostly so I’d stop complaining about how long it’d been since I had gone on a decent date.  There had been a lot of really bad dates lately.   

Lynn laughed.  “He’s not her type.  You’re looking at the wrong guys.”

“Hey!” I said indignantly.  “I don’t have a type.”

Lynn cocked an eyebrow at me and said, “I bet I can pick out—“ she took a quick look around, then continued, “at least 5 men in here that you find attractive.”

“You’re on.  Drinks are on you if you’re wrong.”

She smirked.  “And drinks are on you if I’m right.  And you have to be honest, no cheating.” 

“As if I would stoop so low,” I retorted.  “Go.”

Lynn looked around the bar slowly and then said, “That one.”  She was pointing at a dark haired guy sitting near the door.  He had on a button down shirt and looked like he was tall and built. 

“Yes,” I admitted.

Lynn grinned.  “That one, that one, that one, annnnddd….that one!” she said, pointing out 4 guys in rapid succession.  Looking at them, I was forced to admit that she was right about all of them.

“But,” I protested, “Anyone with a pulse would find all of those guys attractive.”

Amy laughed.  “Anyone with a pulse who happens to also have a thing for tall pretty boys with dark hair and arms the size of your head.  Bonus points for dark, brooding eyes.”

I had to grudgingly admit that all the guys that Lynn had pointed out did have some similarities.  “But their arms don’t have to be the size of my head,” I argued.  “Just bigger than mine.  Maybe bigger than both of mine put together.”

Lynn grinned.  “I think I’ll be having another drink soon,” she said, looking down at her glass, then lifting her eyebrows at me.  We were celebrating Amy’s graduation, and we were waiting for some of our other friends to arrive.  Amy had had to take a semester off because of a bad bout of mono that landed her in the hospital for 3 weeks, and then her next semester was rough, so she ended up graduating the year after us.   But she was finally done, and we were celebrating. 

“Where is everyone?” Amy asked, looking at her phone.  We’d arranged to meet a little earlier than the planned time, but it was now after the time everyone else was supposed to meet us here.

“I don’t know,” I replied, “But if you guys want more drinks, I’m going up to the bar now.”  I took their requests and headed to the bar.  It was crowded with graduation celebrators, and I had to squeeze through people to get close to the bar.  I waited for several minutes for our drinks, then walked back to the table with the three drinks in my hand.  By the time I got there, there were a bunch of people around the table we’d been occupying and I realized the rest of our group had arrived.

“Where's my drink?” came a teasing voice, as I set Lynn and Amy’s drinks in front of them.  I looked up at Adam, one of our friends and the person that Lynn had had an unrequited crush on forever.

“Liv lost a bet,” Lynn said, smirking at me.

“Oh really?” Adam asked, laughing.  “What was the bet?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied.  “I lost.”

“Oh no, you don’t get to do that!” Adam exclaimed.  “I want to know.”

Amy broke in.  “Liv tried to insist that she didn’t have a ‘type’ and Lynn bet Liv she could pick out 5 guys Liv thought was hot.  Liv took the bet, and, well…” she motioned to the drinks.

Adam laughed loudly and turned to me.  “That was stupid, Liv.  Anyone could have beat you at that bet,” he said. 

“What?  No!” I yelped.  “It’s not that obvious, is it?”

“Oh yes,” Adam argued.  “Tall, dark, and handsome will get him at least conversation with you.  If he has at least half a brain in his head and some manners to go with, he’ll get a date.  And if he looks like he just stepped out of a Ralph Lauren catalog, your panties might as well have stayed at home for as long as you’ll have them on.”

My face got hot and I shook my head, while Lynn and Amy roared with laughter.  “It’s true,” Lynn gasped.  “Oh, it’s so true.  Don’t shake your head like he’s not spot on.”

“You all know I don't do casual sex, which is exactly what his comment about my panties implied!" I protested.  Adam was trying to stop laughing, but when I said that, he laughed harder.  "You are a terrible person,” I said to Adam, fighting the urge to start laughing with them.  “Actually, all of you are terrible people.  I don’t know why I hang out with you.”

“Because you love us dearly and we know you so well,” Amy suggested. 

"Because we all know what kind of man to point your way?" Adam tried.  Lynn just laughed.

I glared at them until Amy changed the subject.  Adam turned to talk to someone else and Lynn stuck with him, so Amy nudged me.  “Speaking of tall, dark, and handsome,” she hissed, “John's here."  I rolled my eyes.  Lynn constantly teased me that John was exactly my type and had been right under my nose for years.

"Oh," I said, following her gaze.  "He came with Paul and Erin.  Let's go say hi."  

We walked over and greeted them.  “Hey guys, thanks for coming!” Amy chirped brightly, hugging each of them.   Amy was then quickly distracted by our friend Kate, and she took off to say hi.

"Hey stranger," John greeted me, smiling.

I hugged him.  "It hasn't been that long."

"Since your birthday," he replied.  "Four months."

I frowned.  "Wow, I guess you're right.  I've been so busy."

Before we could go any further than that, we were interrupted by Kate and Amy coming back over.  Amy clearly had a solid start on a good buzz, and she was shrieking with laughter about something Kate had said.  John leaned against the table behind us, his arm casually resting against my back, and we exchanged amused glances.

I heard Lynn call my name from the other table, so I walked over.  "When are you going to make a move on that?"

"Right, because making a move is sooooo like me," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"No, it's not at all like you, and that's the point!  I'm starting to think I was going to have to have the 'lower your standards, you stuck up bitch' talk with you soon, since you've found something wrong with nearly every guy that's looked at you for the last four years.  That guy," she motioned in the general direction of John and Paul and Erin, "Is totally your type, he's smart, he's got a job, and you already know each other.  You need to make that happen, you might not get another chance."

I frowned.  "Normally if I want a reality check, I go to Lauren.  Glad you can fill in in her absence," I said sarcastically.  

"Liv, sweetheart, I love you, you know that.  But it's been one bad first date after another, for years.  And some of them were really bad, I will give you that.  But sometimes it seemed like you were just looking for reasons to not see them again."

"What's the point in seeing them again if there's no connection?" I asked with a shrug.

"This isn't the movies," Lynn said.  "Connections don't always happen on a first date.  Sometimes you have to give things a chance.  Not everyone is going to be Colin."

I had been staring over her shoulder, but my eyes snapped to hers when she said that.  "Don't," I warned her.  "Please," I added, softening my tone.  

"Okay, I won't," she said.  "But think about it.  Do something crazy.  Don't stay stuck there."

"I'm not," I protested.  

Lynn started to respond, but Erin hurried over and said, "Amy is trying to challenge a stranger to a Prairie Fire drinking competition, help!" 

"Oh no," Lynn and I said in unison.  Amy prided herself on her ability to drink the tequila and hot sauce shots, but a competition sounded like a really bad choice.  Lynn and I hurried after Erin to intervene, and I tried to stop thinking about Colin.

Fucking Colin.  I had spent the entirety of my freshman year lusting after him from afar.  He was in one of my classes, lived one floor above me...and was dating one of my suite-mates.  I was head over heels, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.  So I went about my life, even doing a little dating here and there, but I just couldn't shake it.  Of course, I wasn't even the slightest bit to come back from summer break to find out that they had broken up over the summer.  He ended up in another one of my classes, and we ran into each other one day after.  We ended up going to get lunch together and spending the rest of the afternoon together.  We did the same thing the next week.  And the week after that.  And finally, he asked me out on an actual date.  

The date was amazing, and when he kissed me, it was absolutely perfect.  It was exciting, there was chemistry.  We went out again, and I slept with him after that date.   And it was amazing.  And then?  Well, then he never called me again.  He started sitting on the opposite side of the lecture hall, and leaving right after class.  And when I ran into him once at the fitness center, he awkwardly said hi and tried to get away.  When I asked him what happened, he shrugged, said, "It was fun.  But that was it, you know?  Fun."  

I was pissed, but I was less upset that I expected to be.  But after that, every single person got compared to Colin.  It wasn't fair, but that's what happened.  Lynn and Amy thought that I was still infatuated with him.  As many times I tried to assure them that that wasn't it like my 3 week fling had broken my heart forever, they just didn't get it.  I got over him pretty quickly, considering, but I couldn't get them to understand that I was craving the connection that Colin and I had, for those few short weeks.  The sparks.  The fireworks.  It got to be such a sore subject that I refused to even talk to them about it.  But in any case, here I am, 4 years later, still chasing a connection.  

I shook the thoughts out of my head as Lynn encouraged the random person to step away from the challenge, and I tried to distract Amy.  She was hell bent on her shot competition, and I finally said, "You can still have your competition.  What if we just do them?  And whoever keeps the straightest face wins."  Have you tried to keep a straight face while drinking a shot of tequila mixed with hot sauce?  Right.  

"I'll buy and judge," John said.  At some point he had appeared next to me.  "Because this is something I've got to see."  He walked up to the bar before I could protest.

"Fine, since Lynn chased my competitor away," Amy said, pouting.  But then she got excited.  "I'm going to kick your ass!"

Lynn glared at me.  "Did you really just volunteer us for this?" she hissed under her breath.  

"Drink up, princess," I replied, smiling.

John returned with three shot glasses.  He set one down in front of Amy, one in front of me, and one in front of Lynn.  Amy was still talking to someone and he leaned close to Lynn and I and said, "Yours are just tequila.  But she's going to win, so she doesn't demand a rematch."  I threw a grateful look over my shoulder at him.  

When Amy returned her attention to us, we all downed our shots, and John declared Amy the winner.  I was a little worried she'd challenge someone else anyway, but she quickly became distracted by Erin and Kate and started talking to them.  Lynn and I turned to John, and I said, "Thank you.  Whoever introduced her to those shots should be punched in the face."  

He laughed and leaned against the table next to me.  His leg brushed against mine and neither of us moved to end the contact.  "I'm glad I could help."  

Adam wandered over and we all got back to our normal mixing and talking.  Every once in awhile I'd catch John looking at me.  When I walked past him to go to the bathroom, I let my shoulder brush his arm.  I fought the urge to turn to see if he was watching me.  When I came back, he caught my arm gently as I walked by.  I turned and looked at him curiously.  "It's getting close to last call, and a bunch of our group just left.  How are you ladies getting home?"

"We walked," I replied.  We only lived a couple blocks away, and John didn't live much further.

"I don't think Amy is going to be doing much walking," John said, frowning.  I followed his gaze to where Amy was sitting on a high bar chair, leaning against Adam, who was standing next to her with an arm around her.  Her eyes were open but I agreed, especially in the 4 inch heels she was wearing.  

"Shit," I muttered.  I tried to figure out a better solution, and watched as Erin walked over and said something to Adam.  Amy pulled herself into an upright position and shook her head and Erin said something to her too.  Amy shook her head again, and looked like she was arguing with Amy.  I walked over there.  

"You're not walking home, babe," Erin was saying.  "You're absolutely shit faced. I'll give you a ride."

"I'm not that drunk.  And who's gonna walk with Liv and Lynn?" Amy slurred.  

"I will," John volunteered from behind me.  

I turned to protest that Lynn and I would be fine on our own, but Amy interrupted.  "Do it," she said excitedly.  "Because remember how we talked about your type? And he's your type!  You should let him walk you alllllllll the way home."  I felt my face immediately flush and had to restrain myself from slapping a hand over Amy's mouth so she didn't say anything else.  

I fought my embarrassment long enough to say, "I will if you let Erin drive you." 

"Deal," she said, sticking out her hand to shake.  It threw off her balance and she started to tipping towards me.  Adam quickly wrapped his arm back around her and pulled her upright again.  I shook her hand and turned, cheeks still warm.   

"Let's find Lynn," I said hurriedly.

"She's right there," John replied, pointing to our right.  He was smirking, but didn't say anything.  I turned and saw Lynn talking to Kate just a few feet away from us.  

We walked over and collected Lynn.  I explained that Erin was taking Amy home and John was going to walk with us.  Lynn nodded knowingly and winked me behind John's back.  "Do something crazy!" she mouthed silently.  I shook my head and rolled my eyes.  John turned back to see if we were coming and we both pasted innocent smiles onto our faces.  Nothing suspicious about that.

Lynn lived the closest, and we were dropping her off at her building within minutes.  "I'm two more blocks," I said, suddenly feeling shy now that I was alone with John--which was stupid, because I'd known him for years.  We were walking close enough to each other that our arms occasionally brushed.  I got a slight thrill every time it happened.  The power of suggestion, perhaps? We were quieter now, chatting a little about things that had happened while we were out.  When we got to my building, which was above a 24 hour coffee shop and cafe, he said suddenly, "Are you hungry?"

I raised an eyebrow at him.  "Do you know me at all?"

He didn't say anything else, just pulled the door to the cafe open.  I walked inside and he followed, and we sat at a booth in the corner.  The place was almost deserted, there were two girls sitting in the opposite corner.  I knew they'd get busier when the bars closed in about a half hour.

Once we had ordered, John looked at me and smiled.  "So what's this I hear about being your type? Is it true?"

My cheeks, once again, flushed and I fought the urge to sink lower in my seat.  I opened my mouth to deny it, because that seemed like the best way to end my embarrassment, but I decided against it.  Do something crazy, right?  "Yeah," I said.  "It's true."

We ate our greasy 24-hour cafe food and chatted more about the evening and what we'd each been up to in the last 4 months.  When we finished, he paid, despite my protests, and walked me back to the entrance to the apartments above.  "Can I walk you up?" he asked.  I raised one eyebrow, skeptical of his intentions.  He laughed and held up both hands.  "I just want to walk you up.  You never know what could happen in these sketchy apartment stairwells.  I promise I'll behave."  

"Okay," I agreed.  I unlocked the door and we went in.  We walked up the stairs, quiet now.  It was late, and I was really tired.  When we got to my door I stopped and turned to him.  "Thanks for walking me home," I said at the same time he said, "I had fun tonight."  We looked at each other and laughed.  And then I kissed him.  Yep.  I kissed him.  Not a signature move of mine, that's for sure.  

And you know what?  It was there.  The connection, the sparks, the fireworks.  Enough that I was breathless when we pulled apart.  We just looked at each other for a second, and then he kissed me again.  He pushed his hands into my hair and backed me up against the door to my apartment.  When we finally separated again, he said, "I'm sorry, I promised to behave, and I didn't."

I laughed.  "I started it, blame it on me."  

"You're too pretty to take the blame," he replied softly.  "So should I get back on my best behavior, or would you like me to break that promise again?"

"I think you'd better break that promise again."