Kinsley: Don't Apologize

Kaleb and I made plans to have dinner together in a few days, then not wanting to press our luck, we'd said goodbye.  After we hung up, I felt weird.  Not really anxious, not really excited, just weird.  I considered my options, then put on some running clothes.  I rarely ran by myself, but the situation seemed to call for it.

I got bored quickly and ended up only being out for about 20 minutes, but I still felt better after.   I took a long, hot shower, then pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt and grabbed my phone.  I called Damien and was surprised when he didn't pick up.  That man answered his phone more often than every other guy I've ever seen naked put together.

He called back just a couple minutes later.  "Sorry," he said when I answer.  "I was brushing my teeth."

"Already?" I asked.

He chuckled.  "Well, it's after 10, and I'm an old man," he teased me.

"It is?" I was surprised.  I thought it was closer to 8:30 or 9.  I hadn't even looked at the time when I picked up my phone to call.  "Oh."

"It is," he confirmed.  "What's up?"

"Nothing, never mind.  I didn't realize it was so late."

"Kins, what's up?" he pressed gently.

I shrugged, even though he clearly couldn't see me.  "I was just thinking I'd like to see you, but like I said, I didn't realize it was so late, so never mind.  Maybe tomorrow?"

"I'd love to see you tomorrow," he agreed.  "If you want to come spend the night tonight, I'd love that too.  I'm sure I'll be up for another hour or so, but if you're looking for something a little more exciting than watching TV in bed, I'm not your man tonight."

I laughed.  "Okay, well maybe I'll just call my other man, then," I joked.  "But seriously, if you don't mind, watching TV in bed with you actually sounds pretty great."

"Come on over," he replied.  "I'll just leave the door unlocked and you can come in when you get here."

"So you can be lazy?" I asked, laughing.

"Absolutely," he said, and I could hear him smiling.

We hung up and I packed an overnight bag then headed over to his house.  As promised, the door was unlocked and I let myself in, then locked it behind me.  I switched off the lamp he'd left on for me in the living room and made my way upstairs.

I found him laying in bed with the TV on.  He was watching the news like a mature adult.  "You watch the news in bed?" I teased him. "You are an old man!"

He cocked an eyebrow and smirked at me.  "Watch yourself there.  It would suck if you had came all the way here just to have to turn around and go home, don't you think?"

I laughed as I dropped my overnight bag in the corner and climbed into bed next to him.  "You wouldn't kick me out of your bedroom," I countered, pretending to pout.

"Not in a million years," he agreed, moving his arm so I could snuggle up to his side.  I kissed him, then settled my head on his shoulder.  Once I was settled, he wrapped his arm around me, stroking my forearm with his other hand.  "So, what's going on?" he asked.

"What?"

"You seemed really flustered on the phone, and you came over just to spend the night.  Is everything okay?"

"I called my brother," I replied, shrugging awkwardly.  "It's fine, I think.  It's just weird.  We're going to have dinner on Thursday."

"I hope it goes well," Damien said warmly.

I nodded and closed my eyes, suddenly tired.   Between the quiet, calm voices of the news anchors and Damien's fingers methodically stroking my arms, I was asleep within minutes.



My phone rang on Wednesday, and it took me a minute to place the number that popped up.  I finally realized it was Kaleb's number, and I just hadn't saved it.  I answered just before it stopped ringing.  "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Kaleb," he replied.  "So...this is kind of embarrassing, but I'm having some issues with my car, and I don't want to cancel tomorrow, but--"

"What if I come to you?" I asked, interrupting him before he has to stumble through too much of an explanation.

"That would be cool," he said.  "But you don't have to, I can always--"

"Knock it off," I interrupted him again.  "I'll come out there.  Text me your address okay?"

"Okay," he agreed.  We were quiet for long enough for it to get awkward, then we said goodbye.  Shortly after we hung up, I got a text with his address in Aurora.

Over the rest of the day and most of Thursday, my anxiety steadily increased.  By the time I was done with work and headed towards Kaleb's place, though, I was strangely calm.  We'd decided to just hang out for a little while, so I picked up some food and ate on the way.
 
I'm pretty sure Kaleb's apartment was on the sketchiest, dirtiest corner in all of Aurora.  I peered up at the rundown building, then checked the address for the fourth time.  Yep, this was it.  I got out of my car and walked up to the door.  The door wouldn't open when I tugged on it, but the call box next to it had a sloppily scrawled "out of order" sign on it.  I tugged on the door again, harder this time, and the lock clicked and it opened easily.  Some secure building.

When Kaleb opened his door for me, though, I was shocked by his apartment.  It was a studio, so it was small, but it was bright, clean, and had gorgeous wood floors.  "Wow," I said, stepping inside.  "I, uh, expected..."

"You expected my apartment to be as shitty as the rest of the building?  And the neighborhood?" he supplied with a grin.

"Yeah," I said sheepishly.  "I really did."

He chuckled.  "It used to be.  I fixed it up.  Do you want something to drink?"

"Water?"

He walked a couple steps into the tiny kitchen, grabbed a glass, and filled it with water for me, then we went into his living room.  He sat on his bed and I sat on the small couch, and we looked awkwardly at each other for several seconds.  "So," I said finally, "You fixed it up?"

"Yeah," he replied, looking relieved to have something to talk about.  "I talked the landlord into knocking $100 off my rent every month, plus whatever I spent in supplies.  I fixed some holes in the drywall, painted, ripped up the nasty old carpet, and restored the original wood.  I also replaced all the trim and did a little work on the bathroom."

"Wow.  Well, you did a really great job," I said, looking around.  "But all that for a rental?"

He nodded.  "I can walk to work, it's cheap as hell, and it's surprisingly quiet.  And it gave me something to do while I was looking for work.  Kept me out of trouble."

"Are you working now?"

"I am," he replied.  "I'm working nights at the gas station just down the block.  It's pretty boring, but I have time at work to study.  I'm going to school to become an electrician."

"Kaleb, that's great," I said sincerely, smiling at him.  "I'm proud of you."

He didn't say anything for several seconds, and the emotion in his eyes almost got me emotional, but he recovered by saying, "Oh come on, I'm not some fancy CPA dating a detective.  I'm the one that should be proud."

"Shut up," I said, rolling my eyes.  I took a deep breath and said, "Kaleb, I thought...well, I heard you were in Iowa.  With a girl."  I was finally ready to get a little more of my brother's story.

"I was," he confirmed.  "But who told you?"

I snorted.  "I ran into Aaron Rowe a few years back and talked it out of him."

Kaleb laughed.  "Aaron always did have a soft spot for you.  He wasn't lying.  I moved out there with a woman named Jaclyn.  She had family there.  I was in love.  I only lived out there with her for about two years though.  She ended up getting knocked up, and not by me.  So I moved back out this way."

"So, if I ran into Aaron somewhere around 3 years ago, and you were out there for 2 years..."

"I've been here in Aurora for a little over a year," he said softly.  "When I came back, I stayed with Will Casler in Colorado Springs for a little while."

"You've been back for that long?" I asked.  I was trying really fucking hard to not feel hurt and abandoned, but it was creeping back in.

"Yeah," he said.  "Kinsley, look, I--"

"No," I interrupted, looking away.  "I get it.  I mean, I don't actually get it.  Not even close.  But...just don't apologize okay?"

"Okay," he agreed.  "Oh," he said suddenly.  "Here, Dad thought I might see you before he did."  He stood up and walked over to his small, round dining table, then handed me a glove.  It was mine, and I had been looking for it since the day after Thanksgiving.  It must have fallen out of my pocket during the craziness that day.

"Oh, did he?" I asked sarcastically.  "Seems like a reasonable thing to think.  He's so mad he couldn't even call me to tell me he had my glove?  I would have told him to keep it."  I narrowed my eyes.  "And shove it up his ass."

"Mad?" Kaleb asked, snorting.  "No, I think he was a little scared of your boyfriend."

"Scared? Of Damien?"  This was amusing to me.  My family did not breed small men.  My brother was 6'2" and built like a brick wall...if brick walls had barrel chests and biceps the size of my head.  My dad was heavier than he used to be, but was a solid 6" man with broad shoulders and hard muscles.

"Oh, come on.  That boyfriend of yours isn't going to take any of Dad's bullshit, and you know it.  He carries himself like a cop.  He doesn't need to be loud or physically imposing to be intimidating as hell.  He just has this...quiet authority."  I knew exactly what he was talking about, and I nodded.  Kaleb frowned.  "Is he treating you right?"

"Better than I deserve," I admitted.

"Good," Kaleb responded fiercely.  "That's the way it should be."

I stayed for another hour or so.  Our conversation didn't quite move all the way to familiar and comfortable, but it definitely got better.  Finally, I stood and made my way towards the door, with Kaleb trailing behind me.  "It was really good to see you, Kinsley," he said, leaning against the wall next to the door.  "I've really missed you."

"I don't do that sappy bullshit, but I missed you too, Kaleb," I replied, trying desperately to stay stoic.  He chuckled.

"Can I hug you?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes, you asshole," I said, standing on my tiptoes and throwing my arms around his neck.  He hugged me tightly.

"You talk to your boyfriend like that?" he asked, smirking.

"Sometimes," I replied.

"What a lucky guy," he laughed.

I hugged Kaleb again and made my way back out of his pretty apartment and into the grungy hallway of the rundown building.  I went straight for my car and got in, then rested my forehead on the steering wheel.  I was breathing much harder than I should have been after hurrying down 3 flights of stairs.  I took a few deep breaths, then straightened.  When I attempted to put my key into the ignition, I realized my hands were shaking too.  "Jesus, get it together," I hissed to myself.  I rested my face in my hands and breathed deeply until the knot in my stomach loosened and my hands stopped trembling.  Finally, I was able to start my car and I headed towards home.