Lauren: Tomorrow

Happy Sunday, friends!  Keep your eyes peeled for a Kinsley post sometime during the first half of this week, and another Lauren post sometime late this week.
__________________________________

The words come out before I can really think them through, but I don't regret them.

"Excuse me?" Sean sputters, and he looks genuinely flustered.  It makes me grin, which makes him look even more confused.

"I said 'I quit'," I reply, standing.  "If you don't want me to do the job I was hired for, then I'm going to find someone who does."

Sean quickly rearranges his face back to a neutral expression and says, "Well, alright then.  Good luck to you.  You have 30 minutes to collect your things."  I think he thinks he's calling my bluff, but it's not a bluff.  "As a matter of fact, here's a box for you."  He grabs an empty box from the corner of his office and hands it to me, challenging me to take it.

I do.  I take it, smile, and say, "Thank you, Sean.  I'll be gone in 15."  I don't keep much personal stuff at work.  I just have a few textbooks, some snacks, and some personal office supplies, basically.  For a fleeting second he looks shocked, but I turn on my heel and walk out of his office before I can see how long it takes for him to once again regain control of his expression.

As I'm putting my stuff in a box, I become aware of the curious looks from around the office.  Logan walks up as I'm finishing.  "Can I help?" he asks, looking more concerned than curious.

"At your own risk," I reply with a shrug.  He glances over his shoulder towards Sean's office, then picks up my half-full box.  I grab my coat and purse and start walking towards the elevator.

Once we're safely inside the elevator, Logan turns to me.  "Did you...are you.." He stops.  There's really no polite way to ask someone if they just got fired, is there?

"No," I say, shaking my head.  "I quit.  He's trying to turn me into a fucking secretary, and I've worked too damn hard for that."  I glare at the wall as I talk.  I'm not yet regretting my move, but I am starting to get a little nervous.  More than that, I'm absolutely livid that that disgusting, chauvinistic bastard finds no value in my position as I was hired.

"What are you going to do?" he asks.  I can't even believe he's in this elevator, holding my box and having this conversation.

"I have no idea," I admit.  "I updated my resume a couple weeks ago, but I haven't actually applied for anything.  Now I'm wishing I had."

"Look," he says, shifting to face me.  "I'm a member of this networking group for structural engineers that might have some ideas.  I can send you the information."

"Thanks," I reply.  The elevator door opens and we walk out into the parking ramp.  I find my car and Logan puts my box in the backseat for me.  "Thanks," I say again, looking at him.

"Good luck," he tells me, briefly touching my arm.  I nod and get into the car, and Logan walks away.
I take a second to consider what to do next.  I still don't have any regrets.  I have about 8 months worth of rent and bills saved up, plus a sizable-for-my-age 401k that I could cash out if I needed to.  I'm not worried about money.  Not even a little bit.  I've always lived below my means.  I am worried about not working.  I enjoy working.  I like being productive.  The idea of sitting at home all day applying for jobs and doing little else makes me break out into a cold sweat.

I drive home and get right to work.  I re-read my resume for the thousandth time, make a couple small changes, and then open my internet browser.  I spend the next three hours methodically reading job descriptions, writing cover letters, and submitting my application materials.

By the time I stop to eat lunch, I've only applied for 4 jobs, but it feels like it's taken so much longer than it should have.  I remind myself that it's because I'm writing cover letters specific to the positions and tailoring my resume as well when it's called for.  Then I wonder if anyone actually reads cover letters.  Am I wasting time this way?  Ultimately, I decide that I'd rather potentially waste time and look like a well put together candidate than risk getting my resume discarded over a vague, generic cover letter.

I take a break long enough to eat a sandwich and watch a DVRed episode of Real Housewives.  It refreshes me enough to apply to 3 more jobs before I quit for the day.  I now only have about two and a half hours to make the dessert I'm bringing to Amanda's house and get ready.

I manage with 15 minutes to spare and I head over to Alex's house so I can be polite and wish his parents a merry Christmas.  Alex's dad opens the door when I knock, and Alex calls, "You know you can just walk in, right?"

"I know," I reply.  I feel weird walking in with his parents there, though.  "Merry Christmas," I say to his dad, forcing a smile.

"Merry Christmas, Lauren," he says, and it's almost warm.  Almost.  I bite back a frustrated sigh.  I will never win with them, and it's driving me crazy.

"Oh, is that Lauren?" Alex's mom calls from the general direction of the kitchen.  I roll my eyes, because of course it's me.  Alex's house isn't that big, I'm quite sure she heard his dad say, "Merry Christmas, Lauren."  Also, who else would be here 10 minutes before 5 on Christmas Eve?

Sharon walks into the living room, drying her hands on a towel.  "Hello, dear," she says, smiling just as falsely as I am.

"Hi, Merry Christmas," I say.  From the couch, Alex snorts and I shoot him a dirty look.

"Mmm, yes," she replies, as though it just occurred to her that it's Christmas Eve.  "And the same to you."  Alex looks away to hide his smirk and I just continue beaming at Sharon with my fake smile.

"Ready to go?" Alex asks me, carefully standing up.  I see him wince slightly as he does it.  Tightening his abs to stand puts pressure on his broken ribs.  Actually, just about everything does.  I hope I never break my ribs.  It sounds awful.

"I am," I tell him.  "Here."  I grab his coat from the hook next to the door and hand it to him as he walks over.  He already has his shoes on and it's clear that he's in a hurry to get out of here.  He thanks me and struggles to get his coat onto his arm that's not in the sling.  I know better than to help him, but I hate watching him struggle.  Finally he gives up and glances at his dad, who holds the coat so he can get his good arm into the sleeve.  His dad drapes the other side over his shoulder.

"This is fucking ridiculous," he mutters.  "My arm isn't broken, I don't know why I can't just use it."

"Because all the--" his mom starts, in a lecturing tone.

Alex cuts her off.  "Yes, I understand why I can't use it, I'm just frustrated."  She snaps her mouth shut and presses her lips into a thin line.  I wonder briefly if she was ever a pleasant person.  Did she ever have a sense of humor?

"I'll see you guys later tonight, okay?" Alex says, looking from his dad to his mom.  "Lauren's niece is pretty little, so I'm sure we won't be there too late.  Right?"  He looks to me for confirmation and I nod.

We leave the house and get in the car.  Alex manages his seat belt one-handed, adjusting it to not lay against his broken ribs, and I slide into the driver's seat.  He sighs in relief as he settles into the seat.  "I can't even tell you how happy I am to be out of that house," he tells me.  "Come here."  I lean over and kiss him.  When I start to pull away he grabs my hand and I kiss him again.  "I've missed you," he tells me, when he lets me go.

"I've seen you every day," I tease him, grinning as I start the car.

He snorts.  "It's not the same with them hovering around."  I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, and I can see the perma-glare that's been etched onto his face for the last several days has relaxed.  He's actually smiling.  I'm relieved that getting him away from his parents has improved his mood.  "How's work been this week?  Was Sean pissed that you called in on Monday?"

I freeze, playing off my pause as checking my blind spot before I pull onto the road.  I'm nervous suddenly, not wanting to ruin Alex's better mood by giving him my news.  "No, he wasn't even there.  It was fine," I say finally, as casually as possible.  I keep my eyes on the road, hoping that he won't be able to tell that I'm basically lying to him.

He doesn't seem to notice and he starts talking about how weird his mom acted today.  "It was like I was planning to leave the country.  Heaven forbid I leave the house for a little while."  He shook his head.  "I'll be relieved when they leave tomorrow.  Is that horrible?  Being excited for your parents to leave on Christmas?"

"I don't think it's horrible, but I'm extremely biased," I reply.  I reason away my guilt at lying about work by telling myself I'm making Alex's evening out of the house more enjoyable.  I'll tell him tomorrow.  Or, maybe not.  Tomorrow is Christmas.  I'll tell him...soon.

It doesn't take long to get to Amanda's house, and my 6 year old niece Casey flings the door open as soon as I pull into the driveway.  "Hey dollface!" I call as we get out of the car.  Casey starts to step onto the front stoop, then glances over her shoulder, makes a face, and stands impatiently inside the open doorway, waiting.  I grab the cake I'd made and my bag full of gifts and start up the walk to where Casey is bouncing impatiently.

"Merry Christmas, Aunt Lauren and Alex!" she squeals when we get close enough.

"Merry Christmas to you too, sweet girl," I reply.  My hands are full so I lean down and kiss the top of her head.  "I'll give you a hug when I put everything down, okay?"  My sister loves to joke that my niece is the only person in the world that I'll willingly show affection toward.  In the days before Alex, she wasn't wrong.

Casey holds the door open for us and Amanda appears to take things out of my hands.  Casey looks at Alex curiously.  "Why are you wearing your coat like that?" she asks, clearly puzzled.

Alex smiles as I grab the back of it so he can get his arm out relatively gracefully.  "Because I broke my collarbone and my arm is in a sling.  See?"  He points to his arm once he's free of his coat.

Her eyes get wide.  "Does it hurt?" she asks.

"A little bit," he tells her.  "But it feels better now than it did a few days ago."

"What happened?" she questions, full of curiosity.

"I fell when I was skiing," he replies.

Casey nods solemnly.  "My mom said that skiing is dangerous and people who ski are crazy."

Alex laughs, then winces.  Of course, Amanda had walked back into the room just as Casey was saying that.  "Casey!" she scolds.

"What?" Casey asks, confused in her 6 year old innocence.  "That's what you said.  You said it when we were having dinner on Tuesday.  I remember!"  Amanda's cheeks turn pink and I crack up.

Alex bends down a little and grins at Casey.  "You know what?  Right now, I'm inclined to agree with your mom."  He winks at Casey and grins at Amanda.

"Does that mean you're not going to ski anymore?" Casey asks him.

Alex smirks.  "Oh no, I will definitely ski again.  Maybe even this winter still, as soon as I'm better."

Casey makes a face and looks at me.  "Where do you find these people?" she asks, throwing her hands up dramatically.  That's enough to send me over the edge, and I sit down hard on the couch, laughing.  Alex is trying unsuccessfully to not laugh, and Amanda's face turns a shade of crimson that I don't think I've even seen on Liv's face.

"I don't," I tell her.  "They find me."  Finally Amanda laughs and Casey just looks between us, having no idea why we're laughing.  I just love the things that come out of this girl's mouth.

"Well, if there was any question about her having your attitude and lack of filter, I think we just answered it," Amanda says, once we all get it together.

"Consider yourself lucky," I say.  "I'm hilarious, and so is she."

The rest of the evening goes well.  Evan, my sister's husband, gets home shortly after we arrive, and we eat way too much and open gifts.  I went a little overboard buying gifts for Casey, and Amanda gives me more than one dirty look as Casey's pile of new clothes, toys, and books grows bigger and bigger.  "I hope this is for Christmas and her birthday," Amanda hisses at me.  Casey's birthday is Dec 30th.

I smile sheepishly.  "No, I have more for her birthday," I admit.  Amanda just sighs and shakes her head.

After gifts, we turn on A Christmas Story, and Casey snuggles up to me on the couch.  I look at Alex and say, "We can leave whenever you're ready."  He's clearly enjoying his night "out" but I can tell he's exhausted.  This is by far the most activity and excitement he's had since before his accident.

"I'm fine," he answers, a little defensively.  I cock an eyebrow and he sighs.  "I'm tired, you're right.  But I'm not ready yet."

"Okay," I reply.  "Just let me know."  He finds my left hand with his right and our fingers wind together automatically.  Between his injuries and his parents, this is the most physical contact we've been able to have in nearly a week.  I'm surprised to find that I wish I could tuck myself under his arm and lean against him.  I'm also feeling seriously sex-deprived, but I'm trying to get used to it because I have a feeling it will last awhile.

We leave about 30 minutes later.  In the car, Alex says, "Will you stay tonight?"

"Your mom will have a fit.  And I don't have clothes or anything."

"We can stop at your house.  And I don't care if she has a fit.  I really want you to stay."

I have to admit that I miss spending the night with Alex.  Sex completely aside, it's hard to go from spending at least a few nights a week together to sleeping alone all the time.  Ugh, who am I?  "Okay," I agree.  "But you have to handle your mom."

"I will," he assures me.  "Speaking of handling my mom, you've done a really amazing job of being nice to them, even though they've been pretty awful to you.  Thank you."

"They haven't been awful.  They've just not been nice."

"That's way more than bad enough," he replies, shaking his head.  "They haven't been downright rude to you, but they've made it pretty clear they'd prefer for you to not be around.  That pisses me off."

"I can tell," I say, smirking.  "You haven't exactly been pleasant to them."

"They haven't earned my pleasantness," he retorts.

Alex's mom must be tired of fighting him, because she says nothing when he informs her I'm spending the night.  She gives him a withering look, but that's it.  She turns to me and politely asks if I would like to join them for Christmas brunch before they leave.  "Thank you for inviting me," I tell her sincerely, "But I'll go home in the morning and let you guys enjoy Christmas brunch with your son."  Alex gives me a weird look but his mom smiles, the first genuine smile she's worn since this whole mess started.

"Thank you," she replies.  

Alex and I go straight upstairs to get ready for bed.  He's exhausted and it's obvious.  He groans as he lays down and I let him get settled before I climb in next to him and pull up the blankets.  I'm laying on his right, which is the opposite of how we usually sleep.  It's throwing me off, and I wiggle around, trying to get comfortable before I settle next to Alex.  "Why did you say no to brunch?" Alex asks curiously.

"Consider it my Christmas gift to your parents," I reply.

"Speaking of Christmas gifts, I haven't had a chance to get you anything," Alex tells me.  "I'm sorry."

"You've been a little busy," I point out.  "And to be honest, I was going to get your gift on Sunday, and with everything that happened, I completely forgot.  So I don't have anything for you either.  Let's not even worry about it, okay?"

"Sounds good to me," he agrees.  I get settled, carefully resting my head on his chest and pressing the rest of my body against his side.  He wraps his right arm around me and sighs softly.  "I've missed this."

"I have too," I admit, snuggling a little closer.

"What?" he asks in mock surprise.  "You've missed physical contact and affection?  I don't believe you."

"Shut up," I say, laughing.  "I have.  I've also missed your sense of humor, so I'm glad to see it's back."  Getting him out of the house, even for a couple hours, was clearly necessary.  "I love you, Alex."

"Awwwww," he says, still teasing.  I roll my eyes and shake my head against his chest.  "I love you too, Laur.  Thank you for braving my parents to be here with me this week."

I nod and yawn.  In my sleepy, relaxed state, I almost blurt out that I walked out of my job today.  But I don't.  Now's not the time; I don't want to ruin this moment.  Tomorrow.  I'll tell him tomorrow.