Good to see you again...

Thank you to everyone that responded to my little impromptu poll Friday.  I loved seeing where everyone is from and it was fun to chat with you guys.  You all also were so sweet, so thank you guys!  I'm trying to get three posts up this week since I have the long weekend on my side, so I'm posting this one a little early.  I'll probably post again late tomorrow or on Monday, then later in the week.
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On Tuesday I tried to catch Josh again to clarify what he told me about my new client, but he was still out.  It happened to be the day of my monthly one-on-one meeting with Kelly, and when she asked how my week was going so far, I told her about the incident.  "I feel like it didn't get us off to the best start," I admitted.  "I guess I need to take better notes."  Kelly was supportive and offered some feedback, and we moved on fairly quickly to talking about other things.  I really liked working for Kelly.  I always got great feedback and consultation from her, but she never hovered or micromanaged.  It was definitely my ideal supervision set up.

On Wednesday I got a group text from Kinsley, asking Lauren, Kendra, and I to have dinner with her that evening.  Lauren and I agreed but Kendra said she already had plans.  I was so excited to be able to sit down and have dinner with my two best friends here again.  Brody was still in Chicago, planning to be back sometime on Thursday, so I was happy to have something to do for the evening too.

My work day seemed to go slowly, but I finally made it to the restaurant Kinsley had picked.  We had a really great dinner and it felt great to be spending time with both Lauren and Kinsley again.  While we were lingering, finishing our last drinks, my phone rang.  I was surprised to see that it was Ken calling.  "I'd better take this," I said, apologizing to Lauren and Kinsley.  "Hello?"

"Olivia?  Hi, it's Ken.  What are the chances you're still in town?"

"I am, actually.  I'm just finishing up dinner with some friends.  What's up?"

"Oh good," he said, sounding relieved.  "The starter is out in my car.  I'm stuck at a friend's house.  Would you be able to pick me up on your way home?"

"That sucks," I replied sympathetically.  "Yeah, I can definitely pick you up.  Is it okay if I come when we're done?  It will probably be about a half hour."

"That's fine, thank you!"  He sounded relieved.  "I'll text you the address."  We hung up and a minute later I got a text of an address on the other side of town.  I groaned when I realized how far away it was, but it's not like Ken had many options.  It still made way more sense for me to pick him up than for one of his friends to bring him all the way out to our house.

When we headed out of the restaurant, we discovered the storm clouds that had been threatening all evening had finally opened up.  It was pouring, with occasional thunder and lightning.  We separated quickly, and I jogged to my car, glad I was wearing flats and not heels today.  When I got there, I put the address Ken had sent me into my phone's GPS and headed over in that direction.

It took me almost 45 minutes to get there.  I pulled up in front of the house and got out.  The front door opened and Ken ushered me inside.  "Dave is out in the garage, and he just texted that the tow truck is here, so I'm going to head back there.  It should only take a couple minutes, you can stay in here if you want."

"Sure," I agreed.  I was a little frustrated because I just wanted to get home, but I sat down on the couch and began scrolling through my Facebook feed on my phone.  Through the sheer curtains of Dave's front windows I saw a car pull up in front of the house.  I couldn't see much but the headlights in the driving rain, but I didn't think much of it until the front door opened.

Jordan looked just as surprised as I felt.  "You're not Dave," he said.  Fighting the panic that came immediately, I said nothing.  "What are you doing here?"

"Taking Ken home," I replied, trying my best for a calm, normal tone.

"Well," he said, his familiar creepy, leering smile spreading over his face, "It's good to see you again.  We didn't get much time to catch up last week, because that irritating boyfriend of yours was too busy trying to fight me."  I stared back at him, forcing my face to keep a bored, flat expression, and said nothing.  I assessed my options, but there really weren't any.  Jordan was still standing just inside the front door.  Ken had gone out through whatever room was directly behind the living room--probably the kitchen.  But I had no idea, because I'd never been here before.

When he got no reaction, he let me see his eyes rake over my body before lazily returning to make eye contact with me again.  "Where's your boyfriend today?  Or are you too busy with his brother to care?"  Again, I said nothing.  He took a few steps closer to me, leaning against the back of a chair near the door.  He watched me, gauging my reaction it seemed.  He was messing with my head, trying to get me to freak out.

"If you don't mind," I said cooly, standing, "I'm going to go see if Ken's ready to go."  Jordan's hungry stare swept my body again, lingering on my bare legs now that I was standing.

"And if I do mind?" he asked, stepping into the path I'd need to take to go towards whatever door Ken had disappeared through.  He continued towards me, and I stood perfectly still, fighting the urge to back up as he got closer.  He reached out and touched the short sleeve of my dress, and I yanked my shoulder out his reach.

"Don't touch me," I hissed, glaring at him.  I started to step around him, heading towards the front door and the relatively safety of my car, but he blocked my path with one step.  It was so similar to the night of my first encounter with him that my stomach churned.   He then took another step towards me and I kicked him in the knee as hard as I could, not willing to throw myself off balance enough to kick any higher.  My heel connected solidly with his kneecap, and he took a quick step back.

"What the fuck?" he yelped, bending down to grab his knee just as I heard an unseen door open and close.

"Olivia? ...Jordan?  What the hell are you doing here?" Ken asked, looking back and forth between the two of us.

"Well, I'm here to see Dave, but this bitch is apparently here to kick me in the fucking kneecap," Jordan growled.

"I'm sure you deserved that and worse," Ken said, hurrying over to me.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I spat, not taking my eyes off Jordan.  "Are you ready?"  He nodded and gestured towards the door.  I walked quickly out of the house and straight towards my car.  I fumbled with my keys on the way but had them out by the time I got there.  Ken was hot on my heels, sliding into the passenger seat.

"Olivia--" he started.

"I'm fine," I repeated.  I tried to put the keys in the ignition but my hands were shaking so badly I missed.  I tried again and dropped them.  "Shit," I muttered, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.  I found them after fumbling around on the floor for several seconds, then brought them back up the ignition.

"Do you want me to drive?" Ken asked gently.  When I still couldn't get the keys in the ignition, I sighed in resignation and dropped the keys in his hand.  We switched places, and I leaned my face against the cool glass of the window and took steady, deep breaths, trying to calm my racing pulse. Luckily, Ken didn't try to talk to me, he just drove.

When we got home, he parked in the garage and unlocked the door, then handed my keys back to me.  I dropped them in my purse and thanked him quietly.  Then I went upstairs.  I dropped my purse and my shoes and my clothes in a heap on the bedroom floor, then stepped into the shower.  As usual, I turned the water as hot as I could stand it and stood under the punishing spray, inhaling the steam.

I stayed in the shower for nearly 45 minutes, trying desperately to relax.  I was jittery, anxious, and jumpy.  When I realized my attempt to soothe myself was futile, I turned off the shower and reached for my towel.  Once I was dried off and dressed, I grabbed my Kindle and got into bed.  I was there for a couple minutes before I heard footsteps on the stairs.  Then there was a soft knock on the bedroom door.

"Come in," I called, not wanting to get up to actually open the door.  The door opened and Ken stepped into the doorway.

"Hey," he said quietly.  I managed a weak smile.  "I just wanted to say thanks for coming to get me.  And...I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," I replied, shrugging.  "You're welcome."

"I feel shitty about it, though.  Dave didn't know he was planning to stop by.  I wouldn't have made you wait if I would have known."

"Seriously, don't worry about it," I insisted.

He nodded.  "Do you need anything?"  I shook my head and thanked him, and he said goodnight and left, pulling the door closed gently behind him.

I read for nearly 3 hours before the edgy, jittery anxiety wore off enough for me to attempt sleep.  I put my Kindle aside and turned off the light, then proceeded to toss and turn for another two hours.  When I finally drifted off to sleep around 3am, it didn't last long.  I woke from a nightmare around 4am gasping, drenched in sweat, and tangled in the sheets.  Being tangled in the sheets freaked me out more and I ended up on the floor after a brief battle to free myself.  I sucked in a deep, shuddering breath and wiped at the tears on my cheeks.  "Get a hold of yourself," I muttered to myself in the dark.  "Jesus, Olivia."

I stumbled into the bathroom and rinsed the sweat and tears off my face with cool water, then pulled my sweaty hair back into a ponytail.  I got a drink of water and then walked back into the bedroom, before sitting heavily down onto the bed.  At this point, it seemed to make very little sense to try to sleep, but I laid back down anyway.  All I did was toss and turn until my alarm went off at 6:30.

I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom in a feeble attempt to get ready for the day.  After staring mindlessly at my comb in my hand for several seconds, I realized that I was too tired to be of any use to my clients today.  I couldn't, in good conscience, expect anyone to pay for a session with me today.  My head was swimming and I was shaky from not sleeping at all.  I had plenty of sick time, so even though I hated doing it, I called in for the day.

I got back in bed and read until I couldn't possibly keep my eyes open any longer.  With daylight peeking around the edges of the curtains, I finally fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

That sleep ended abruptly when someone touched my back.  I jerked awake and sat up, scrambling to the other side of the bed.  "It's just me," Brody said.  "Jesus, Liv.  I'm sorry.  It's me."  I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath.  "I'm sorry," he said again.  "I shouldn't have touched you."

"I don't know that you could have possibly woken me up without scaring me," I admitted.  "I'm a fucking mess."  I moved back over to my side of the bed and Brody climbed in bed next to me.  He settled himself next to me, stroking my arm tentatively.  I turned and buried my face in his shirt as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Ken told me what happened," he said.

"Is he here?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah, he doesn't have a car."

"Oh, yeah."  The whole reason I had run into Jordan in the first place.

"He feels awful," Brody continued.

I shook my head.  "He shouldn't."

"But he does."  Brody was quiet for several seconds then said, "If that piece of shit so much as touched you, I will kill him."

"He didn't," I replied.  "I don't think he had any intention of doing anything but freaking me out.  He was just watching me, waiting for me to react.  When I didn't, he'd up the ante.  He just wanted to push my buttons."

"I might kill him anyway," Brody said, barely disguising the anger in his voice.

"If you do that, we won't be able to get married because you'll be in jail," I pointed out.  "I don't want to talk about it anymore.  What time is it, anyway?"

One of Brody's arms left me and he peered at his watch in the semi-dark room.  "Almost 2."

"In the afternoon?" I asked, surprised.

"In the afternoon," he confirmed.  I was glad that I got some sleep at least.

"Are you going in to work at all today?"

I felt him shrug.  "Nah, I don't think so."

"You don't have to not go in because of me," I said.

"I haven't seen you in three days, and you're home.  I want to be home with you," he replied.  "I missed you."

"I missed you too," I replied, snuggling closer to him.  We laid there for a few more minutes before Brody told me he was going to bring Ken into town to get his car, which was now fixed.  He asked if I wanted to come and I considered it.  "Can we stop and get lunch?  I'm hungry."

"We can stop wherever you want after we drop him off," Brody promised.  That was enough to get me up and dressed.  I felt refreshed after sleeping through the morning, and I felt a stab of guilt at calling in to work.  But logically I knew I would have done terrible work today and it was better for everyone that I stayed home.

The few hours of sleep I had gotten also gave me some distance from the events of the night before.  I was no longer shaky or jittery, but still felt a little jumpy.  I'd stopped seeing my own therapist when the nightmares of Jordan became almost non-existent, but I decided that after last night a couple sessions might be in order.  I called and left a message asking to schedule something while I waited for Brody to shower and get ready to take Ken into town.

Author's Note and a Question/Favor

Hi guys!

Just wanted to give you a quick update.  I go back to school next week (boooo), and don't really have any posts pre-written, except for the very last couple.  That means I'm only comfortable with two planned posts per week.  When I have more time to write, I will certainly post bonuses!  I anticipate it mostly being two main storyline posts per week, but I'm sure there will be an occasional week with one main storyline and one alternate perspective.  My plan is to post on Sunday evenings and Wednesday evenings.

As Liv and Brody's wedding day draws closer, I hope to not miss any posting days, because we're already a couple weeks behind real time.  I will likely do some work to get us caught up relatively closely to real time.  Of course, with that said, my schedule is shaping up to be pretty brutal so I do ask for your patience and understanding if I have to miss or delay a post.  As always, I will be sure to let you know if I need to do so.

As I said above, I have the last few posts written already, and I'm actually really excited to wrap up Liv and Brody's story.  I know that sounds crazy, but I think I've done justice to them with the ending I've created.  I hope you all agree!

I do have a question for you all.  I've been sharing this story with you for so long, but I know nothing about you.  I'm super curious about the age range and locations of my readers.  I'd love if you guys commented with how old you are and if you're comfortable, your location (even a state or region is plenty!).   In return, if you have any burning questions about me, feel free to ask!  I'd like to preserve my anonymity as much as possible, but I will answer anything I'm comfortable with!

As always, thank you guys so much for being the best readers and commenters in the blog world.  I couldn't ask for better readers.  You all make it easy for me to write this!

(Now) Lauren: Apologies

"Good morning, gorgeous."

"Good morning, Logan," I reply, choosing to ignore the "gorgeous."

"Lunch today?"

"No thanks, I brought my lunch today."  I am seriously kicking myself for what I started here.  I've found that being polite but brief and professional had the best effect.  He probably wouldn't do this again for a couple days, as opposed to being back in an hour if I snapped at him and demanded that he knock it off.

"Your loss," he relies, shrugging and continuing on his way to his cube.  Luckily he leaves me alone for the rest of the day, and the day goes by pretty quickly.

It was my turn to pick the happy hour spot, and I selfishly picked something close to work.  I'm sure I'll be the first one there, but I'm surprised to see Kinsley and Damien there when I get there.  I'd heard from Liv they were back together.  I had tried to call her but she didn't answer or call me back.  I'm a little nervous as I walk over.  "Hey," I say hesitantly.  Kinsley looks up and gives me a tight smile.  Damien stands immediately and asks Kinsley if she wants another drink.  She nods, and he asks if he can get me something.  I try to politely decline, but he insists, so I give him my drink order and he disappears.

Kinsley is watching me with a bored look on her face, and I sit.  "So, I owe you a hell of an apology," I start.  Kinsley is still looking at me dispassionately.  "I don't really think this is the place though.  Can we get dinner tomorrow?"

She considers this for a second, then says, "I'm busy tomorrow.  How about lunch on Saturday?"

I'm relieved she didn't shoot me down, and I quickly agree to lunch on Saturday.  I miss Kinsley and I know I fucked up and even though I hate apologizing, I'm hoping that things can get back to normal soon.  She smiles and I smile back as Damien arrives with a drink for each of us.  I thank him and spend the next 10 minutes until Liv arrives being an awkward third wheel to their conversation.

When Liv arrives, Kinsley informs her that she and Damien want to go camping with the group.  I'm surprised and I can't picture Kinsley camping, but she seems excited. Great, looks like I'm in the only one that doesn't love camping.  Oh well.

Alex arrives shortly after Liv and he brings me a drink.  "Thanks," I say, smiling at him.  He grins back at me and asks about my day, and we quickly fall into conversation with everyone else at the table.  Liv doesn't stay long; apparently she and Brody are going to Brody's cabin for the weekend.  Kendra and Christian never show up, so when Kinsley and Damien leave, it's just me and Alex.

"Hungry?" he asks me.

"Yeah, should we stay and get food here?" I reply.  He agrees and no sooner have we grabbed menus than I hear someone say my name.  I look up and have to stifle a groan.  "Hi, Logan," I say.

"Don't sound so enthusiastic," he replies cheerfully.  He sticks his hand out to Alex and says, "I'm Logan.  You must be Alex.  I have the pleasure of working with your girlfriend."

Alex sizes him up and ignores his outstretched hand in a show of alpha male that I've never seen from him before. "So I've heard," he responds cooly.

Logan keeps his hand outstretched for just long enough to make the entire situation uncomfortable, then sits down in one of the recently vacated chairs.  "Having a couple drinks?" he asks.

"No, we're scrapbooking," I reply sarcastically.  Logan laughs and I can tell Alex is silently seething, even though his facial expression is relatively calm.  "We're actually about to have dinner, so I'll see you at work tomorrow," I say, attempting to get him out of here.

"What are you going to have?" he asks, completely ignoring my not-so-subtle hint.

"We don't know yet, because you came over before we could even look at a menu," I reply.  I'm quickly losing patience with this situation, and Alex looks pissed.

He nods as if I had just actually told him something, then he stands, squeezes my shoulder and runs his hand down my arm, and says, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

I shift away from his touch but it's too late.  He walks away and Alex immediately says, "Well, I've lost my appetite.  I think I just want to go."

"Seriously?" I ask.

"Seriously," he responds.

"Are you still going to come over and spend the night?"  That had been our plan before.

"Sure," he replies.  Sure?  Don't sound so excited.

By the time we both get to my house, I'm starving.  I put a frozen pizza into the oven then turn and look at Alex, who has been stomping around, being short with me, and sighing heavily since he got here.  "You're jealous," I guess.  Though it's not much of a guess--I'm reasonably certain.

"Any reasonable person would be," he says defensively.  "I mean, he's a good looking guy that you just happened to flirt with when you weren't happy with our relationship.  And then he comes and joins us, can't take a hint, and touches you?  Yeah, sorry.  I'm not a fan."

"It's not like I invited him," I protest.  "I tried to get him to go sooner."

He sighs.  "I'm not mad at you, I just don't like him."

"If you're not mad at me, maybe you should stop being a dick to me," I snap.  His eyes meet mine and we stare each other down.  He's silent, so I say, "If you don't trust me, tell me so I can figure out how to fix it."

His face softens and he says, "I do trust you, Laur.  It's him that I don't trust."

"That's bullshit," I reply.  He looks surprised.  "It shouldn't matter if you trust him or not.  Regardless of what he does, if you trust me you'll know you have nothing to worry about."  He doesn't respond, and my gaze falls to the floor.  I did this and I shouldn't be mad at him for having a perfectly normal response to the shitty thing I did.  But I'm mad because he made me talk about what was bothering me, and he didn't have enough respect for me to be honest that I damaged his trust.

"Lauren," he starts, but he doesn't say anything else.  I sit and wait, staring at the floor, the wall, the door, anything but him.

When he still doesn't continue, I say softly, "It's okay.  I get it.  I fucked up and there are consequences.  I just wish you would have told me, because I want to fix it.  But you've brought up my past a few times lately, so I'm curious...did you ever trust me?"

"Of course I did," he says immediately, fiercely.  I feel a little better.  "And I still trust you now.  I'm not worried you're out doing stupid shit.  It's just him.  And I didn't even realize it until tonight."

I still can't look at him, and I'm so mad at myself for letting this happen and not just talking to Alex when I wasn't happy.  "Lauren?" Alex asks, sounding suddenly concerned.  "Are you...crying?"

"No," I snap hurriedly, shaking my head.  I stand quickly, brush his hand off my arm, and flee into the kitchen to take the pizza out.  I pull it out, shut the oven, and turn it off.  With both hands on the counter, I drop my head and take a deep, shuddering breath, trying to get it together.  I don't know why I ran away from Alex; I actually really would rather be with him right now.  But in 9 years, he's never seen me cry and I don't know how he'll react to it.  I also am not quite sure why I'm crying, and I know he'll want to know.

I'm not even alone for a full minute when I hear his footsteps follow me into the kitchen.  Alex stops behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders, squeezing gently before sliding them down my arms.  When I don't move away, he steps closer and wraps his arms around my waist.  His lips brush my shoulder before he rests his chin there.  I take another deep, shaky breath, then turn to face him.  He looks at me carefully, then brushes the remaining tears off my cheeks with his thumbs.  I'm about to lose it again, so I bury my face in his chest and let him wrap his arms tightly around me.  One of his hands finds its way into my hair and his fingers rub my scalp gently.

He doesn't say anything for a long time, just holds me and rubs my scalp.  When I'm breathing evenly again, he says, "Lauren, I'm sorry."

"Okay," I mumble, my face still pressed to his chest.

He shifts away from me so he can look at me and asks, "Why were you crying?"

"I wasn't crying," I reply stubbornly.

"Okaaayyy...why were your eyes leaking, then?"  He gives me his best "you're not fooling anyone" look and I sigh.

"I don't know, and before you say you don't believe me, I really don't.  I just got really overwhelmed and frustrated.  And mad at myself.  So I guess that's why."  I pause and then say, "Wait, but why did you apologize?"

"Because I acted like an asshole," he answers sheepishly.

I frown.  "I deserved it.  How do I fix it?  Do you want to look at my phone?  You can read our texts.  I haven't responded to a text from him except for one about work since before that one you saw that started this whole thing."  I walk past him back into the living room and find my phone, then turn and shove it at him as he enters behind me.

He shakes his head and holds up his hands, refusing to take the phone.  "I really do trust you, Lauren.  It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with just not liking the guy.  I already didn't like him just based off that text, and when he came over with that arrogant attitude, it just pissed me off.  I took it out on you, and that's not fair.  I didn't even realize what a dick I was being until you started crying.  That freaked me out a little."

"That makes two of us," I mutter.  Alex reaches out and rubs my arm, and I sag against him again.  I'm still mad at myself for what I did, and I'm really good at beating myself up and holding grudges.

Reading my mind, Alex says, "Forgive yourself, Laur.  I have."  It's almost enough to make my tears start again, but I get a hold of myself just in time.

We spend the rest of the evening on the couch, because feeling emotions like a normal person wears me out, apparently.  I do have to admit that I'm pleasantly surprised by the way Alex handled my tears.  I'll keep that in mind for the future, not that I plan on crying ever again.



I'm nervous all morning on Saturday before my lunch with Kinsley.  Alex laughs as he watches me walk around, pulling out and discarding several outfits as though I'm going on a date.  "Lauren," he says finally.  "It's Kinsley.  It's going to be fine."

"You clearly don't understand the complicated dynamics of female friendship," I huff.

"That's accurate," he agrees.  "If women were more like men, she'd have punched you in the face instead of storming off, and you guys would be fine right now."

"Yes, well, if women were more like men, nothing would ever get done in the world," I reply haughtily.  "Now shut up about that and tell me which shirt to wear."

I finally make it out the door and I still get to the restaurant where we're meeting 10 minutes early.  Which, in Kinsley time, is at least 20 minutes early, probably closer to 30.  Even so, I go inside a couple minutes before our planned meeting time of 12:30 and get a table.  I'm surprised when Kinsley walks up just 5 minutes later.

"You're on time," I blurt before I can even stop myself.

She gives me a weird look and I'm kicking myself.  I'm not normally so impulsive, but I'm nervous.  Then she laughs, and I breathe a sigh of relief.  "I know, weird huh?"

Our waiter appeared right as she sits down and takes our drink orders, then we look at each other awkwardly for several seconds.  Finally, I say, "Look, I'm really sorry.  I was awful to you, and I feel shitty about it."  I want to say more, but I'm not quite sure what, so I stop.

She nods slowly, then says, "But why?"

"Why what?"

"Why were you acting like that?  It wasn't like you."

I take a breath, wondering how much to say.  Finally, I say, "I was jealous."  She raises her eyebrows and I nod.  "I wasn't in a good spot in my relationship and I was jealous that you were out doing the things we used to do together.  At that moment, they were things I really wished I was doing too."  I stopped and shrugged.  "I took it out on you, and it wasn't fair.  I'm sorry."

"I had no idea," she replies, and she looks concerned.  Why does everyone always look at me like that?  "Are you guys okay now?"

"We are," I say.  "For the most part.  I think we'll be fine, though."

"'For the most part?'  Now you have to tell me more."

I hold up my hand.  "Hold on, are we good?  I'm confused."

Kinsley shrugs.  "I'm good.  Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm good," I agree.

"Okay, then tell me about Alex.  What did you do this time?"

I laugh, then start telling her the whole story.  When I'm done, I ask about Damien and she fills me in.  When we leave the restaurant almost two hours later, I feel lighter.  It feels good to have my friend back.  Maybe apologizing isn't so bad after all.

Heart to Heart

A mini bonus post, to make up for yesterday's post being short.  Thanks for your patience!  See you again on Friday with a Lauren post :)
___________________________________

Brody's alarm went off when it was still dark Monday morning.  I fell back asleep while he was in the shower and getting dressed, but he woke me up to say goodbye.  It was still early enough that I fell back asleep for another hour after he left.

Today was my first day seeing the client that Josh had transferred to me, and I wanted to check in with him quick before I saw her.  When I got there, though, he wasn't there.  He still wasn't there at lunch, and I hadn't seen him so I assumed he was out sick or on vacation.  Josh had introduced me to her last week but we hadn't gotten much of a chance to talk about ongoing schedules or what she was hoping for.

"So," I started, once we had gotten the pleasantries out of the way.  "You were seeing Josh weekly, right?  Were you hoping to continue that?"

"I was seeing him every other week," she reported, looking confused.

"Oh, okay," I replied.  "Sorry about that, I must have remembered what he told me incorrectly.  Would you like to stay with every other week then?"

"I'd actually really prefer every week.  I think that's part of the reason we were switching?"  Now she looked a little frustrated.  I just smiled and replied that every week would be great.

I was pretty sure that Josh had told me he was seeing her every week, but I must have heard wrong or not remembered right.  The rest of our session didn't go the best after the weird start and I was frustrated at myself.  I flipped through my notebook to see what I had written down, but I hadn't taken any notes when I was talking to Josh.

Luckily I only had one more client so the day wrapped up quickly.  I went out to dinner with Lauren afterwards, and I was relieved that she seemed like she was totally back to her normal self.  I left dinner feeling pretty positive and headed home.

I had almost forgotten Brody was gone.  I got a message from him this morning letting me know he had made it safely, but I hadn't heard from him since.  That wasn't strange, it just made it easy to forget he was gone.

I remembered when I pulled into the garage and saw Ken's car there instead of Brody's.  Ken was sitting in the living room when I got inside, watching TV.  "Hi," he greeted me.  He was friendly and polite but not overly warm.

"Hey Ken," I said, smiling.

He stood and turned the TV off.  "I'll get out of your space," he said, starting towards the stairs.

"Wait," I said.  "You don't have to hide downstairs just because I'm home."

He shrugged, looking uncomfortable.  "I just don't want to be in your way or anything," he replied.

"You don't have to hang out with me or anything," I said.  "But I feel bad that you always run away when I'm home.  If you want to stay up and at least finish watching whatever you're watching, you should."  He looked like he was considering this, and I took a deep breath and asked, as kindly as I could, "Have I done something to make you feel like you're not welcome here?"

"No!" he said right away.  "No, not at all.  I just...well, do you have a couple minutes?"

"Sure," I said, trying to keep my face neutral even though those words always made me a little nervous.  I walked over to the chair and sat down, looking at him expectantly.

"Brody might kill me for telling you this, but when he told me you guys were okay with me staying for a month, he mentioned that you're a little weird about your space."  He cringed a little as he said it, which made me laugh.  "I guess I never really knew for sure how much space that applied to, so I figured it was best to stick to my own space as much as possible."

"Oh Brody," I muttered, snorting.  "He wasn't wrong," I admitted.  "I am weird about my space.  But I am really sorry that he didn't clarify that.  I'm totally fine with you being up here.  I feel bad that you've spent the last two weeks hiding in an effort to not encroach on my space.  I've spent the last two weeks wondering what I did to make you so uncomfortable!"

Ken laughed.  "Well, I just figured between that and the whole me being a huge asshole at Thanksgiving thing, I was better off just steering clear in general.  I didn't even realize that you might feel like you did something wrong.  I just didn't want your impression of me to be the guy that was a dick to you the first time he met you, then completely disrespected your space when he foisted himself on you for a month."

"Yeah," I said, smirking, "You did have a hell of a first impression to improve on."

Ken laughed again.  "I really do feel awful about that," he said.  "I would have never guessed you'd still be around, much less about to marry my little brother.  Not that that makes what I did okay."  He chuckled quietly to himself and shook his head.  "But you are so good for him, and I'm really glad you stuck around."

"Well, I don't know about that," I said, blushing a little.

"No, seriously," he insisted.  "You've probably figured this out by now, but neither Brody nor I are good at balancing things.  We're both very 'all or nothing'--and usually it's 'all.'  For me it was drugs and alcohol.  For Brody it's been partying, women, work.  He always sucked at balancing.  Did he tell you he was on academic probation his sophomore year in college?"

"No," I replied, curious.

Ken nodded.  "He almost got kicked of school because he was too busy partying and fucking all the hot girls to go to class or do homework."  Then, like he remembered who he was talking to, he cringed.  "Sorry."

"Don't be," I said, rolling my eyes.  "I didn't know about academic probation, but I do know that Brody isn't exactly Mr Innocent.  He's told me enough about his college days that nothing you said has surprised me yet."

Ken smiled, then continued.  "Once he finally shaped up and knocked off with the partying and women, it was all work, all the time.  He did have some time that he partied all night and worked all day, and I'm not sure when he slept, but he was a real mess then and it didn't last long.  His work seriously suffered too."

I nodded.  "He used to sleep at the office more than he slept at home," I said.  "He still keeps a pillow and blanket and change of clothes there."

"That doesn't surprise me.  I bet he hasn't used them in awhile though, huh?"

"Not since I've moved in for sure.  I don't think for awhile before that either.  The last time he mentioned doing it was a bit when he first bought your dad out and came back here.  But we weren't together then, so I don't really know."

"I believe it.  I've gotten better at balancing as I get older and get a little more life experience.  Brody has gotten better at balancing since he got serious about you."

I made a face.  "That's true," I replied carefully.  "But I can't say it was because of my patience or gentle prodding.  I'll admit to more than one temper tantrum about the time he put into work."

Ken laughed.  "I believe that too.  But sometimes it takes a temper tantrum for Brody to truly understand how his actions affect others.  And I'll bet that you don't have temper tantrums about it anymore, do you?"

"Well, no," I agreed.  "I don't need to.  He makes so much more time for us.  Sometimes his work still does interrupt our plans, but it's easier to deal with now that we regularly have time together where he shuts off his phone and ignores work completely."  I felt my cheeks get hot.  "I feel like I've shared way more about our relationship with you than I should have," I said, a little embarrassed.

"Just like you weren't surprised by anything I said, I'm not surprised by anything you said," he replied.  "I know my brother, even if he'd like to believe that he changed so much when I fell off the face of the planet for a couple years.  And I know that my brother is happier and more balanced than he's been since before Heather died.  I know that I hardly even know you, but that's enough for me.  Of course, I wouldn't blame you for being wary, you don't have the best impression of me so far."

"This conversation has changed my impression of you significantly," I said.  "And I really hope you believe that I'm perfectly okay with you hanging out in the kitchen or living room or wherever.  Just not in mine and Brody's bedroom, okay?  That would be weird."

He laughed at that.  "I can agree to that."

Ken ended up staying in the living room watching TV while I read for awhile.  He went downstairs after about another half hour, saying he was heading to bed.  I went upstairs soon after, and I changed and got ready for bed, then called Brody.

He sounded tired when he answered, but insisted on talking for a couple minutes when I told him I could let him go.  "How are things at home?" he asked.  "Is Ken being weird since I'm not there?"

"No," I replied.  "Actually, he and I had a bit of a heart to heart."  I filled him in on the basics, then teasingly gave him a hard time for telling Ken I was "weird" about my space.  "So this whole time, it was your fault that he was being weird," I finished.

Brody laughed.  "Of course it was," he replied.  "Well I offered to talk to him, but you told me not to."

"Well, I'm just glad I said something," I said.  "I feel a lot better."  We chatted for a few more minutes then said goodbye.  As I got in bed, I felt like the day had turned out pretty positively in the end.

A Relaxing Weekend

This post is short, and I apologize for that.  It's been one of those weeks, and I'd rather put up a short post that I like than a long crappy post I slapped together just to have something.  I'm sure there will be a bonus at some point in the next couple weeks to make up for it!  
___________________________________________

Apparently one day of sleeping in was enough for Brody.  I woke up early to him cuddling up to me, nuzzling his face against my neck.  I groaned and rolled away from him.  "Too early," I grumbled.

He stayed in bed, rubbing my back until I fell back asleep.  When I woke up again I was much more ready to be awake, which was good because Brody was bringing in breakfast.  I yawned and rolled onto my back, watching him come in.  "If we're going to hike today, you should probably get up," Brody said, laughing a little as I yawned.

"I feel like you're not going to give me much choice," I replied, struggling into a sitting position.  "You even brought food to tempt me."

"I knew that was the one way to get you up for sure," he said, grinning.

I yawned again and stretched while I eyed up breakfast.  Brody had made French toast, eggs, and sausage, and it did look delicious.  "Are you at least going to let me take a nap later?" I asked, grabbing a fork.

"I'll take a nap with you later," he promised.  Satisfied, I started on my breakfast.  After we finished eating, I cleaned up and we got ready to go hiking.  We had decided to drive to a different area than we had hiked before while staying at the cabin.

We packed a lunch and spent the entire morning and a good chunk of the afternoon hiking.  By the time we got back, we were tired but it was a little late for a nap.  It didn't stop me from showering and then immediately flopping face down in bed after I dried off.  Brody laughed when he came in to shower.  "Tired?" he asked.

"Uh huh," I replied, nodding.  We had ended up hiking just shy of 9 miles and my calves and back and feet were angry.  It had been an amazing hike though, and I aside from being a little sore and tired, I felt great.

I heard the shower start, and I started to doze off.  I loved weekends when you didn't have to do anything and a 5pm nap was a perfectly acceptable thing.   I woke up when Brody came and sat on the bed next to me.  I closed my eyes again when he started massaging my back.  When he was finished with my back, he pushed the blanket off me and started working on my legs, taking a long time gently kneading my sore calves.

When he finished both calves, he worked his way back up until his hand was stroking between my thighs.  "Do I have to pay extra for this?" I asked, arching my back and moving my legs apart a little.

He laughed.  "I think we can work something out," he replied.  He leaned down and kissed my shoulder, moving his mouth down my back.  I groaned as he kissed along my spine and pushed first one, then two fingers inside me.  His mouth moved back up towards my neck, and I gasped and came when he nipped sharply at the soft skin where my neck and shoulder meet.  He slid both hands up my back as I recovered.

I rolled over and shifted so I could take him into my mouth.  I went down on him until he somehow gathered the self control to stop me.  He rolled me back over onto my stomach and pushed into me hard from behind.  I moaned into the pillow as his hips pushed mine against the bed.  Neither of us made it much longer.  Brody slid his lips along my spine one more time before he rolled off of me, causing me to shiver.

"Now I'm ready for a nap," Brody said, yawning and adjusting his pillow.

"Mmmm," I agreed wordlessly.

I did doze off for a little while, but woke up not too long after, restless.  Brody was fast asleep and didn't move when I got up and pulled on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt.  I went into the kitchen and started prepping things for dinner.  Brody didn't emerge from the bedroom until I was putting some plates on the table and opening a bottle of wine.  "I thought I was going to have to wake you up this time," I teased him.  His hair was a complete disaster from still being damp when he fell asleep, and he looked groggy.

"I hate napping," he grumbled.  "I feel all disoriented and sleepy still."

"Hmmm, maybe you should stay away from the wine then," I said, smirking at him.

"I'm going to need it to get back to sleep tonight," he replied, yawning and sitting down at the table.

"Hungry?" I asked.  He nodded, then yawned again.  I tried not to laugh at him, but he was awfully cute when he was sleepy.  He woke up as he ate though, and I didn't argue when he insisted on cleaning up.  We made a fire again, but we put it out and headed back to bed fairly early.

On Sunday, we both slept in again and spent the morning and early afternoon doing very little before packing up and heading back mid-afternoon.  Unfortunately, Brody came back to a crisis at work, and spent the evening holed up in his office on the phone.

He didn't emerge until well after dinner time, and when he did, he looked angry.  "So much for our nice, relaxing weekend," he said unhappily.  "I have to go to Chicago tomorrow."

I frowned.  "Is it the same issue as before?"

"It's related," he replied.  "I thought I did a pretty good job minimizing the damage but apparently it wasn't enough."  I was used to him talking fairly vaguely about most of the issues at work--he was contractually obligated to keep his mouth shut about who he worked with and what was going on.

"That sucks," I responded sympathetically.  "On the bright side, I'm suddenly happy that Ken is staying with us."

Brody managed a weak smile at that.  "That's right, we talked about getting you a dog, didn't we?"  The last time Brody was traveling, I had been a little weirded out being in the big house by myself, especially at night.  I hadn't slept well and it had been a little lonely at night.

"We did," I confirmed.  Brody had suggested it when I'd told him I didn't love being here by myself, but neither of us had really brought it up again.  "And I would love to get a dog.  It doesn't seem like a good time now, though, with the wedding and honeymoon coming up.  I'd hate to get a dog and then have to leave it for two weeks just when it was starting to adjust."

"That's true," Brody agreed.  "Well, we should still talk about it when I get back, because I would probably feel better about you being here alone if we had a dog."

"Of course you would," I said, laughing.  "You would probably feel better if you hired a live-in bodyguard for me too."

"Well, that seems extreme, even for me," Brody replied, finally cracking a real smile.  "I'm good with a dog."

"Like a chihuahua?" I asked.

"Sure, if you're worried about being attacked by a bug, I think a chihuahua would be perfect!" He raised an eyebrow at me and attempted to look serious.

"Don't worry, I want a big dog," I assured him.  I was about to say more, but the door opened and Ken walked in.

"Oh, hey," he greeted us.  He grinned.  "I was just starting to get used to having the place to myself."

"Well, only half of us will be here for any appreciable length of time," Brody replied.  He informed Ken he'd be gone for at least a couple days.  "No wild parties while I'm gone, do you kids understand?"

Ken smirked and winked at me.  "Hear that, Olivia?  You'd better keep it manageable this time."

I was pleasantly surprised by this friendly interaction, and I happily bantered back.  We all sat in the kitchen for a little while longer before Brody and I went upstairs to bed.  He had to be at the airport early.  I was disappointed that our weekend had ended on a low note, but at least we'd gotten in a solid two days of relaxation.

Thank God for Caffeine

When I finally fell asleep, I didn't sleep well, but I also didn't have any nightmares.  I'll take what I can get.  Even so, morning came way too soon, and I jumped when Brody gently shook me awake a mere couple of hours after we'd finally fallen asleep.  "Sorry," he said.  "We should get up if you're going to work."

"I'm going to work," I mumbled sleepily.  I stretched and almost fell off the couch, forgetting we were still there.  I groaned and rolled my neck as I sat up.  "You didn't have to spend the night on the couch with me," I said apologetically.  I felt bad, knowing that he probably slept even less than I did.

"You actually slept a little," he replied.  "I didn't want to disturb you and blow your shot at getting any sleep."

"Thank you," I said, managing a sleepy smile.  I went upstairs to shower, electing not to wash my hair to save some effort in the getting ready process.  Unfortunately, no amount of makeup could camouflage my complete lack of sleep, but I did the best I could to make myself look awake.

Brody showered and got dressed while I got ready, and when I got downstairs he handed me coffee, a banana, and a granola bar.  "Breakfast," he declared.  "Sorry, that's the best I can do this morning."

"This is perfect," I assured him.  "I don't expect you to make me breakfast, you know."

"I know you don't," he replied as we walked towards the door together.  "But I like making breakfast.  And I know you appreciate it and don't expect it, which makes me enjoy making it even more.  I just didn't have it in me this morning."

"I don't think I have much of anything in me this morning," I admitted.  "Today is going to be rough."  To punctuate this, I yawned.

We had a quiet drive into town, both of us too tired to talk much.  I kissed Brody goodbye when he dropped me off.  He promised to pick me up at lunchtime and take me to get my car.  I made my way into the office, greeting our administrative assistant on my way back to my office.

Shortly after I got settled, Josh came into my office to check on our plan for him to introduce me to the client he hoped to transition to me.  I confirmed the time with him.  He looked at me and said, "Rough night?"  His tone was sympathetic instead of snarky.

"Something like that," I replied.

"I was heading out to grab some coffee, do you want something?  Or want to come along?"

I considered this.  I didn't really want to go anywhere with Josh, but I really wanted some more coffee.  I didn't trust him enough to let him bring something back for me.  And I had a lot of restless, nervous energy.  A quick walk would probably do me some good.  I glanced at the clock and saw I had 45 minutes until my first client.  "Sure, I'll come," I agreed.  He looked surprised, but quickly stepped out of my doorway so I could get out of my office.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked as we walked.

I snorted.  "Not at all," I replied.  "Something else entirely.  And no, I'm not going to tell you about it."

"Wasn't going to ask," he responded smoothly.  He spent the rest of the walk filling me in on how often he was seeing the client he was transferring and what they'd been working on.  When we got to the coffee shop, I ordered a large dirty chai and waited impatiently for it.  I wrinkled my nose when Josh ordered a dark roast coffee.

Our trip back to the office was uneventful.  I was happy for more caffeine, and was slowly waking up enough that I wouldn't be completely useless today.  I powered through the morning, and around 12:30 Brody came and got me.  We were going to have lunch together and then he was going to take me to get my car before I headed back to the office.

"Anywhere specific you want to go?" Brody asked when I got in his car.  I shook my head and shut my eyes, which were heavy and scratchy despite the amounts of caffeine I'd consumed.  "How long do you have?"

"My next client isn't until 2," I replied.  "So as long as you have, really."

Brody drove to one of our favorite restaurants and found a place to park.  "I'm not feeling work today, and it looks like you're not feeling anything, so we might as well take a long lunch," he said.

"Sounds great to me," I agreed.  We took our time and enjoyed our lunch before Brody brought me back to his office, where I picked up my car.  I drove back to work, getting there about 10 minutes before my next client.  The long lunch break (plus some more caffeine in the form of two large glasses of Coke) helped me recharge and I felt much better, which is good.  I hate being off my game at work, it's not really fair to my clients.

I was still relieved when my workday was over.  I decided to go to the gym to work off some of my nervous energy.  It definitely helped, and I felt a lot more relaxed after.  When I got home, I wasn't surprised to find the house empty.  I took a quick shower and made a simple dinner, then put the leftovers away in the fridge when I was done.  After cleaning up my dinner making mess, I looked around for something else to do, but the house was clean.

I read until Brody got home, then I sat with him while he ate.  We decided to go for a short walk before it got dark, and when we got back we watched TV on the couch together for a little while before we went to bed.  We were both tired from not sleeping the night before.  I was nervous that I wouldn't sleep again, or would have nightmares, but aside from restlessly waking up a few times, I slept okay.

Brody had taken Friday off work to go up to the cabin, and we'd decided to leave for the cabin Thursday evening.  That way we could start our mini vacation right away, sleep in Friday, and not have to worry about getting up to leave.  Brody said he probably wouldn't be home until 7:30 or 8, so I stopped by happy hour for about 20 minutes.  I was excited to see Kinsley and Damien there, and even more excited when they said they wanted to join our camping trip.

After I left, I stopped at the grocery store and liquor store to pick up supplies for the weekend.  Because we'd be leaving so late, nothing in the small town nearest the cabin would be open, so we had to bring everything we wanted with us.  When I got home I packed up our big cooler and then packed my bag for the weekend.  Brody got home at 8 and I heated up some leftovers for dinner while he packed, then we ate and were out the door by 8:45.

On the way, we talked wedding planning for awhile.  I listed the things we still had to do and watched the faces that Brody made.  "I'm really glad we decided on a small wedding and short engagement," he said.  "I can't even imagine how much more we'd have to do if we were doing a big wedding."

"Yeah, it hasn't been too bad so far," I replied.  "The worst part was getting all the big things lined up, and we did that right away.  Oh, speaking of getting things lined up, how's honeymoon planning going?"  Brody hadn't mentioned it since he'd volunteered to do it, and I was very curious what he was planning.

I saw him smirk even in the dark.  "Honeymoon has been planned and booked since a week after we talked about it," he answered.  "And no, I'm not telling you where we're going."

"Do I ever get to find out?" I asked.  "I mean, before we leave."

"Maybe," he replied, shrugging.

"Well I'll need to know what to pack," I pointed out.

"As little clothing as possible," he responded, grinning.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes.  "You're ridiculous."

"I'm sort of serious, actually.  I anticipate spending a lot of time on the beach.  And in bed."

"If you're lucky," I teased him.

He glanced at me and winked, which he could actually pull off without looking like an idiot.  "I usually am."

I shook my head. "So it's a beach vacation," I mused, trying to elicit another hint.  I was so bad at waiting.

"It is," he agreed.  "Don't worry, I'll make sure you know what to pack."

"I wish I hadn't even brought it up, this is going to drive me nuts," I said.

"Don't bother trying to figure it out," he replied.  "I'd be shocked if you did, and you'll ruin the fun."

I huffed out an impatient breath and made a face at him, then relaxed back into my seat.  He was probably right, and having it be a surprise was kind of fun.  

By the time we made it to the cabin, it was nearly 10:30 and it was all we could do to get our stuff inside and get things moved from the cooler to the fridge.  Brody got in the shower while I got ready for bed, and by the time he climbed into bed next to me, I was almost asleep.  Brody moved over towards me and fit his body to mine, wrapping his arm around me.  "Three whole days with nothing to do and no cell service," he murmured. "I might even sleep in tomorrow."

I laughed.  "You should, it's amazing."

"I know," he replied.  "I used to do it all the time.  I miss it."

It was a wonderfully cool night up here and Brody had opened the bedroom window.  I listened to the night sounds outside until I fell asleep.

I slept soundly all night--no nightmares, no middle of the night wake ups.  It was bright and cold in the room when I woke up.  We'd left the curtains open to let in the cool, crisp mountain air.  Next to me, Brody was still fast asleep.  I carefully got out of bed and crept into the bathroom.  When I came out, I went to the window and eased it closed as quietly as possible, then tugged the curtains shut.  The room darkened considerably, and I shivered as I got back in bed.  It was much colder in here this morning than it had been when we went to bed.  Brody stirred and smiled sleepily at me.  "Sorry," I said softly.  "It's freezing in here, I had to shut the window."

"It did get a little cold," he agreed.  "Come here."  I moved closer to him and rolled onto my side, shivering again until he pressed his warm body against mine and wrapped his arm tightly around me.  "You are cold," he commented, pressing his cheek against my cold ear.  I nodded and pulled the blanket up to my chin, already warmer.  "How'd you sleep?"

"Amazingly well," I said.  "I don't think I moved the entire night."

"Me too," he agreed.  "And it's so nice to not have to be in a hurry to get out of bed and get something accomplished.  We should do this more often.  I've hardly even used this place since I bought it."

"We should," I replied.  "Even if we just come up late on a Friday, or even just spend Saturday and Sunday."  Selfishly, I loved coming here because neither of us got cell phone reception and there was no internet, so we spent the whole weekend enjoying each other's company without distraction.

As if reading my mind, Brody said, "I'm looking forward to spending the whole weekend with you without work getting in the way."

"Thank you for taking today off so we could get away for a few days," I said, finally untucking my cold hands from under my chin and finding his hand.

Now much warmer, I fell back asleep for a little while.  When I woke again, it was to Brody's lips against my shoulder.  "Mmm," I murmured groggily as his mouth moved towards my neck.  "That feels good."  I woke up slowly as Brody's hands slid over my body and he kissed and gently sucked on my neck.  When he found the spot on my neck that made me shiver, he stayed there, changing from lightly teasing my skin with the tip of his tongue to sucking to gently biting.  I moaned softly as his hand moved between my legs, stroking me lightly over my shorts.  I quickly wiggled out of them, kicking them to the bottom of the bed.

Brody kept his mouth locked against my neck as he slowly eased into me.  We spent the next 45 minutes having the slowest, laziest, most perfectly relaxed sex, then another hour and a half laying in bed, alternating between dozing and talking about random things.  When we finally dragged ourselves out of bed, we headed straight for the shower, where we somehow managed to get clean eventually.  We didn't emerge from the bedroom until almost noon.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked Brody as we made a very late breakfast together.

"Nothing," he replied.  "I want to spend the entire day doing absolutely nothing."  

And that's what we did.  We ate our breakfast out on the deck.  It was much warmer now, and I was comfortable in yoga pants and a sweatshirt.  After breakfast, we sat on the deck for hours talking, reading, and just sitting and enjoying the sun.  We grilled salmon, veggies, and potatoes for dinner, then Brody made a fire in the fire pit while I did the breakfast and dinner dishes.  Then I grabbed a bottle of wine, and we spent the rest of the evening sharing the bottle of wine while we sat by the fire.  It was the perfect start to the weekend.

(Now) Lauren: What You Like

"Do we have to go camping?" I whine, pouting at Alex like a child.

He laughs, which makes my pout turn into a glare.  "Of course we don't have to," he replies, leaning back in his chair.  "But you want new and exciting right?"

"Camping is not what I meant," I grumble.

"Well, I want to go.  If you don't want to go, I won't be mad if you stay home."

"So you're just going to go without me?" I ask indignantly.

He nods and stands, stretching.  "Yup, unless you want to go too."  I narrow my eyes at him and he grins and says, "You don't want me rolling over for you anymore, remember?  I'm going to go take a shower."  He smacks my ass as he walks past me, stretched out on the bed on my stomach.
I sit and call after him, "I didn't mean for you to do it when camping is involved!"  When he doesn't respond, I yell a little louder, "You're a jerk that takes things out of context and uses it to your advantage!"  I hear him laugh and I glare in the direction of the bathroom door.

When he comes out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and wet hair flopping over his forehead, he looks over at me.  "Do you really not want to go?" he asks, pushing his hair back and raising an eyebrow.

"No, we can go," I relent.  "You're right, it's something different."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" he asks, smirking at me.

"We can go?" I ask, confused.

"No, after that."

I roll my eyes, catching on.  "You're right?"

"Yes!  That was hot.  Say it again!"

"Only if you lose that towel," I reply, raising an eyebrow.

He grins and pulls the towel off, dropping it on the floor.  "You're right," I repeat, letting my eyes drift down his body.  He walks over to the bed and grabs me by the ankles, yanking me closer to the edge of the bed.  I offer no resistance when he reaches for my shorts and peels them off, sliding them down my legs and discarding them.  Alex wraps his arms around my legs and pulls me all the way to the edge of the bed before kneeling on the floor in front of me and lowering his head between my legs.  He alternates between just barely flicking his tongue over me and then kissing and nibbling at my inner thighs.

When he suddenly presses his mouth to me and sucks, I gasp in surprise.  "Alex," I moan, pushing my hands into his hair.

"Hmmm?" he asks, without taking his mouth off me, causing me to shudder.

"So good," I groan, tugging on his hair.  I can't form complete sentences while he's doing that to me.

He briefly pulls his mouth away from me and demands, "Keep talking."

I freeze, because that's not something I'm used to.  Alex massages my leg and then presses a finger into of me, causing me to forget to be self-conscious.  "Oh, fuck," I groan.  "Alex, I...don't stop!"  And then I'm coming, and my fingers are twisting in his hair and my legs are clamping around his head.

He gives me a minute to catch my breath, then stands and leans over me.  He presses his body to mine and I can feel him against me.  I groan as he kisses my neck and moves against me, and he's sliding back and forth against my skin without actually entering me.  "That was hot," he whispers against my neck.  "I love when you pull my hair when you come."  I am again taken aback by this.  Aside from your standard moans and groans, neither of us are ever very vocal during sex.  He continues to slowly slide himself against me, and I whimper beneath him.  I grip his hips and try to pull him harder against me, moving my hips to try line things up.  "Do you want me inside you?" he growls against my neck.

"Yes," I breathe.  "Jesus, Alex.  Fuck me."  I feel his lips move into a smile and he finally pushes into me.  I groan and shiver, and he straightens back up, guiding one of my legs to wrap around his hip and the other up onto his shoulder.  "Yesss," I hiss, pulling him tightly against me with my leg.

He slides one hand up my leg and drags his fingertips across the bottom of my foot, which makes my toes curl involuntarily but also feels kind of amazing.  "God, you're beautiful," he says, before he twists his head down to experimentally lick and nibble at my ankle.

"Ohh, I like that," I groan, and he responds by gripping my hip harder with his other hand and continuing to suck and nip at my ankle.  Then his hand moves between my legs, and I'm done.  My back arches up and I reach desperately for something to hold onto, finally settling for handfuls of the blankets around me.  Alex lowers my leg from his shoulder and pushes me up on the bed far enough to get one knee up, then bends down to kiss me as he thrusts hard into me.   I grab desperately at his back as I feel another orgasm building.  "I'm going to come again," I pant, and he moves his mouth to my neck, sucking and nipping and making me crazy.  "Oh, Jesus, Alex, fuck!" I yelp, no longer making any sense and no longer caring if I sound ridiculous.  He finishes shortly after my third orgasm, and we're both breathless in awkward heap half on and half off the bed.

Once I catch my breath, I turn my head towards him.  He's watching me, and the look he's giving me is almost enough to make me roll him over and climb on top of him...except I'm not sure if I can move.  My legs are still dangling off the bed, and I'm thoroughly uncomfortable, but I also don't really care right now.  "Where did that come from?" I ask.

He pushes a damp piece of hair off my cheek and shrugs.  "You don't usually say things during sex.  When you did, it was hot.  You said you wanted to do different things, so I figured I'd encourage it."

"Well, it was definitely different," I agree.  I finally have enough of being uncomfortable and I struggle to sit up.  Alex moves and pulls me up, and we lay on the bed properly.  I groan as I stretch my legs out, then curl myself against Alex.

"Did you like it?" he asks.  I feel my cheeks getting warm as I consider this.  I'm a terrible adult because I'm not used to talking openly about what I like during sex.  I can easily have a conversation about getting tested and using protection (I would have gotten myself into all kinds of trouble in my pre-Alex days if I couldn't), but talking about what turns me on?  No way.  It's weird.  As he waits for me to answer, he kisses my forehead and strokes the inside of my forearm, and I sigh contentedly.

"I don't know," I admit finally.  "It was uncomfortable at first, and I felt really self-conscious.  I mean, it's not like we were even saying anything particularly filthy, but it felt weird still.  I cared less as we got more into what we were doing, though."

"It was kind of weird at first," he agrees.  "But I liked hearing what you liked and wanted."

"I think I'd be willing to try it again and see if it gets less weird," I say, almost shyly.  This conversation is painful to me but I recognize its importance; and even more than that, I'm thrilled that Alex is pushing us outside our routine and comfort zone.  As much as I want new and different things, he was right when he said I thrive on routine.  And for as much sex with as many different people as I've had, my preferences are generally pretty straightforward and simple.  I rely on other people to push me out of what's familiar and safe.  I've come to crave it and need it, but I still can't make the leap myself.  That was part of what had always drawn me to Alex--first as a friend and now as my boyfriend.  He had always pushed me and challenged me, and when he stopped doing that is when the boredom crept in.  I realize that it's not fair for me to put that all on him, but I'm trying.

I roll over onto my other side, pulling out of his arms and physically ending the uncomfortable conversation.  Alex gives me about 30 seconds, then rolls onto his side as well and loosely drapes an arm over my hip.  "Hey," he says softly.  "What's up?  And don't say 'nothing', little liar."

I laugh despite myself, because I was definitely just about to say "nothing."  "I'm just done with the conversation, I guess," I reply.  "I'm glad we talked about it though."

"Hmmm," he says skeptically, scooting closer and tightening his arm around me.  "That's all?"  He presses his face against my neck, brushing his lips across my shoulder first and making me shiver.

"That's all, I promise," I assure him.  "You know I get weird talking about that stuff."

"I know," he replies, his lips and breath tickling my neck.  "I don't get it, because you certainly don't seem to have a problem talking about sex in general."

"It's weird talking about what I like," I protest.

"Probably because most of the people you've had sex with don't care much about what you like," he points out.  I know he doesn't mean it hurtfully, but it still stings a little for some reason.  He eases the sting a little with his next comment of, "I care about what you like."

I roll further, onto my stomach and away from him.  "I don't want to talk about this anymore, Alex," I say.

"Okay," he agrees.  "I'm sorry."  He strokes the back of my neck lightly with his fingertips and I relax a little.  "Should we talk about camping instead?"

I snort and roll onto my other side so I can look at him.  "Don't push your luck, I already agreed to go.  Do you even have a tent?"

He grins.  "I have two.  I'll even bring an air mattress so you don't have to sleep on the ground, princess."

I gasp in mock outrage and yank his pillow out from under his head before smacking it against his shoulder.  "You are such a dick," I say, laughing.  "But why do you have two tents?"

"They're different," he replies.  "One is bigger and it has--"

"Yeah, I actually don't care about the differences between your tents," I cut him off.  "As long as things aren't going attack me in the middle of the night."

"Only me," he says, smacking me with the pillow then wrapping his arms around me and playfully biting my neck.  I yelp and shove him away, laughing.

"We have a weird relationship," I inform him, shaking my head.

He bursts into laughter, then says, "I'm pretty sure we have you to thank for that."

"I'm pretty sure you're goddamn lucky I love you," I retort.

His face gets serious really quickly and it makes me nervous, but he lifts his hand and brushes his fingertips across my forehead, pushing away a few strands of hair.  Then his hand lowers to rest on my jaw and neck, and he strokes my cheek with his thumb.  "I am," he agrees.  "I really am.  And I love you too."  He leans closer and kisses me, and it's a slow, soft, lingering kiss.  This is exactly what is "weird" about our relationship--going from harassing each other to being all sappy (him, not me.  I don't do sappy.) in a matter of seconds.  It's what I love the most about our relationship.

After our lips separate I scoot back over to him, snuggling against him and relaxing.  We lay in bed for awhile, alternating between talking quietly for a few minutes then laying in comfortable silence.  Finally, Alex sits up and stretches and heads downstairs to find something to eat.  I stay put, too comfortable to move.

When Alex returns, he's balancing a plate with a sandwich and two glasses of water.  He hands me a glass of water and half of the sandwich.  "I'm going to tell your friends that you make me sandwiches after sex and they're going to take away your man card," I say, smirking.

"You can give back the sandwich, then," he replies, getting back into bed next to me.

"Not a chance!" I retort, taking a big bite of it and grinning at him.  He rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his half of the sandwich to hide the grin he's fighting.  "Hey," I say, confused.  "There's no mayo on here."

He gives me a confused look.  "You don't like mayo."

"But you do."

"Yeah, I do," he agrees, still looking confused.  "There's mayo on my half."  He peels back the top piece of bread and shows me.

"You put mayo on half of the sandwich?" I ask.

"Yes," he replies, nodding.  "Because I like mayo, and you don't."

"Oh," I say.  "Thank you."

He shakes his head, then smiles.  "I told you, Laur.  I care about what you like."

"I guess you do," I agree, finally.