Liv: The Finale

I have so many feelings about this final post and wrapping up this blog.  It's been 19 months, over 300 posts, and so many different characters' stories.  Can you even believe it?  I can't.  I can't thank you guys enough for all your feedback, kind comments, emails, and loyalty.  You all kick so much ass.  To take the some of the sting out of the very end of Liv's (and Lauren's and Kinsley's, of course!) story, I'll be posting a bonus over on In All the Wrong Places tomorrow.   Thanks for taking this crazy ride with me!
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5(ish) YEARS LATER...

I cocked my hip out to rest Celia on so I could free one hand to knock on Kinsley and Damien's door.  At almost 3 years old (and built like Brody, not me) she was getting too big for me to carry for too long, but she'd just gotten up from a nap and was too groggy (and crabby) to walk.  That changed when Damien answered the door with a tiny baby in his arms.  Celia immediately lifted her head from where it had been nestled on my shoulder.  "Mommy, a baby," she whispered loudly to me.

I laughed and Damien grinned.  "Yes, sweetheart," I told her.  "Remember I told you we were coming to help a friend with her baby today?"  She shook her head, her dark curls brushing my jaw as she did.  

"Hi," I said to Damien, turning my attention to him and the baby as I stepped inside.  Once inside, I put Celia down and she stood patiently next to me, occasionally rising onto her tip toes to peer up at the small bundle Damien was holding.

"Hi, thanks for coming over," he replied, leading me and Celia into the living room.  

"Kinsy!" Celia yelped, seeing Kinsley on the couch.  I tried to shush her but she was already bouncing loudly over to Kinsley.

"Sorry," I apologized.  "Babysitter fell through and Brody's down helping his mom with something today."

"Don't be," Kinsley said, wrapping an arm around Celia and hugging her.  Celia tolerated it for about 3 seconds before she wriggled away.

She came back over to me and tugged my shirt.  "Mommy, wanna hold the baby."  

"Let's hold him together, Cee," I suggested.  She seemed satisfied with that and waited patiently until I got settled in an armchair next to the couch.  I lifted her into my lap, and once she was settled, Damien carefully placed Nicholas in our arms.  I supported his head while Damien helped Celia get her little arms in the right place.  

"Tank you Mr. Damien," Celia said, once we were settled.  She stumbled over his name, and I tried not to laugh at how adorable it was.  She had started calling him Mr. Damien months ago, and none of us had any idea why.  Toddlers.

"Good manners, Celia," I praised her.  

Nicholas's face squished up and then relaxed again, and I gazed down at him.  He was a little over 2 weeks old and definitely still a floppy, squishy, adorable newborn.  I smiled as I watched his lips work in his sleep.  

From the couch, Kinsley laughed softly.  "What?" I asked, looking over at her.  She looked far better than she deserved to just two weeks after giving birth to Nicholas.  

"You want another one, don't you?" she asked.  "I see how you're looking at him.  Don't get any ideas, I worked hard for this one."  And she had.  Kinsley's pregnancy and birth experiences had been the exact opposite as mine.  She'd been sick through the whole pregnancy, and blood pressure issues had landed her on bed rest at 32 weeks.  But once she went into labor, it went fast and without issues and she went from her water breaking to delivering him in less than 3 hours.  

"I do want another one," I admitted, being sure to keep my voice down to not wake the baby.  Celia was staring at him, absolutely entranced.  "Not yet, though.  Maybe once this one starts school."

"Who, me?" Celia asked, suddenly aware of the conversation around her.  

"Yes, you," I told her.  She craned her neck around to look at me and wrinkled her nose.  I laughed.

"Well," Kinsley said, stifling a yawn.  "That's great for you, but I'm never doing this again.  So I sure hope Damien is cool with Nick being an only child."

We both looked at Damien, who didn't miss a beat when he said, "I think I'm going to go run those errands now."  Kinsley smirked as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.  

Celia was starting to get antsy, so I shifted the sleeping baby so she could climb off my lap.  She immediately started hunting for Mowgli, Damien and Kinsley's big tiger-striped cat.  "Mooowgoli," she called softly.  "Kitty kitty!"  

"Mowgli heard you coming from a mile away, kid," Kinsley said under her breath.  "You'll never find him."  I laughed, surprising Nicholas.  His eyes flew open and he made a brief, unhappy sound before falling back to sleep.

"Liv, can I shower while you're here?" Kinsley asked.  "It's been....well, a few days.  Let's just leave it at that."

"Of course," I told her.  "Take a bath if you want.  And a nap.  Just let me run out to the car and grab the things I brought to entertain Celia.  I'm here all afternoon, whether you like it or not.  Take advantage of it."

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world," Kinsley said dramatically.  "Seriously, thank you."  

I handed the baby over to her and ran out to the car to get the stuff I'd brought for Celia.  When I came back in, Kinsley had Nicholas down in the Pack 'n Play in the living room.  He was still sleeping away.  She showed me where to find bottles, formula, and diapers, then disappeared upstairs.  

While Kinsley took a bath and napped, I washed their dishes, sorted the laundry in the laundry room and started a load, cleaned the half bathroom on the main level, swept and mopped the kitchen and living room, dusted, and straightened up.  Celia knelt in front of the coffee table and colored, then helped me dust.  I paused in the middle to feed and soothe an unhappy Nicholas.  He was awake now, and after I changed him I laid him down on his playmat where he could see me and talked to him while I folded clothes.  Celia sat on the floor next to him and entertained him for awhile too.

I was in the middle of folding the second load of laundry when Damien came home with groceries.  He looked around and said, "Kinsley is never going to let you leave."  I had Celia pairing socks as I folded shirts and pants.  "Also, if you can come back when Nicholas is two and teach us to how to get him to help with chores, that would be great."

"She loves it," I said with a shrug, watching her lean over the edge of the laundry basket, happily searching for socks.  "I'm sure it won't last forever, though."  

Damien put the groceries away and then came back into the living room.  "You've been busy, Liv.  Thank you.  I can take care of the rest."

"Don't be ridiculous," I told him.  "I came to help.  Kinsley is upstairs napping.  You could do the same.  Or if you have something else you've been wanting to get done, go for it.  Celia and I have everything under control.  And Lauren had mentioned maybe stopping by this afternoon, so you might as well relax now."

"Oh, that's right!" Damien exclaimed.  "She asked me to make some room in the freezer.  I guess she's bringing some food.  So I'll do that, and then I think I might take you up on that nap."  Before going downstairs to the freezer, he crouched down next to Nicholas and talked to him for a minute.  Then he leaned down and kissed him lightly on the head and headed down to clear some room in the freezer.

"Mommmmmmy," Celia whined, flopping onto the floor on her back.  "Wanna go outside!"

"Maybe when Lauren gets here we can go outside for a few minutes," I told her.  She continued to whine and I calmly paused my folding, took more paper and crayons out of the bag I had brought, and said, "Celia, come draw me a pretty picture."  She stopped whining and seemed to consider this, then rolled onto her side, sat up, and scurried over to the coffee table.  She happily talked to me about what she was drawing while I folded laundry with one eye on her picture and one eye on the baby.

I was just finishing up folding when Lauren knocked and then let herself in.  "Look at you," she said teasingly.  "A regular Suzy Homemaker.  Are you practicing for number 2?"

I rolled my eyes at her.  "The questions never stop.  Never ever.  First it's 'when are you getting married?'  Then it's 'when are you having a baby?'  Then it's 'when are you going to give your baby a sibling?'"

Lauren smirked and replied, "At least you won't hear, 'are you guys ever going to get married?' forever and ever."

"Well," I said, grinning at her, "are you?"

"You're the worst," she said.

"Not nice!" Celia piped up, seeming to just realize that Lauren was there.  She looked surprised as she looked up from her picture.

"You're right.  Sorry, Cee," Lauren apologized as I smirked.

Celia frowned.  "Say sorry to mommy," she demanded.

"Celia, it's okay," I told her.  "And please use your manners."

Celia narrowed her eyes briefly in a shockingly good side-eye at Lauren, then turned to her and said, "Say sorry to mommy, please."  I bit my lip to keep from laughing, and looked at Lauren expectantly.

Lauren threw her hands up and said, "Sorry, Liv."

"Apology accepted," I replied, grinning.  Celia smiled and clapped, then went back to her picture.

"That kid, man," Lauren said softly.  "You're going to have your hands full."

"I don't know if it would be better for her to be like me or Brody," I admitted.  "So far she's an awful lot like me, though.  It's only slightly terrifying."

"I'll stick to 'raising' my child-like employees," Lauren said.  Lauren hadn't been unemployed for long, landing a great job at a small, newer company a couple months after she quit.  When the investigation at her former employer turned into a huge scandal that included a class action lawsuit against the company, she had actively avoided any part of it, and soon after got the new job.  She had been there since, and was now a mid-level supervisor.

I paused as Damien came up the stairs and greeted Lauren.  He chatted for a little while, and I watched Celia get up from her seat at the coffee table, go over by Nicholas, who was sleeping again, and curl up on the floor.  "Want a pillow, Cee?" I asked her.

"I not sleeping, mommy," she informed me firmly.

"Oh," I replied.  I grabbed a small throw pillow from the couch and Damien handed me a blanket and I set them down next to her.  "Well, in case you want to get more comfortable."  She ignored the blanket and pillow until I lifted the sleeping baby from the floor and went back to sit on the couch, then she yanked the blanket over her legs and nestled her head on the pillow.  She was out cold by the time Damien headed upstairs to nap.

Lauren took the freezer crock pot meals she'd prepared downstairs and put them in the freezer, then came back up.  "Want to hold him?" I asked her, already knowing what she'd say.

"No way," she responded.  "I'd probably break him."  She did touch his soft, fine dark hair and smile, but that was the extent of her attention to the baby.

"Have you guys talked to Alex's parents yet?" I asked.  Lauren had worked hard to try to form relationships with Alex's parents, but at Christmas they'd apparently had a huge blowout over Alex and Lauren's choice to not get married.

She groaned.  "No, I haven't.  Alex has a couple times, but he said they've just pretended that it didn't happen and they ignore my existence unless Alex brings me up directly.  If they think we're going to get married just to please them, they've got another thing coming."

Cautiously, I asked, "What does Alex think of it all?"

"He's pretty mad at them.  He's really embraced this whole not getting married thing, and it's almost like his parents pushing back has convinced him even more.  He's so oppositional sometimes."

Lauren and I talked quietly on the couch until Kinsley came down, looking clean and groggy.  "That was the best and worst nap I've ever taken," she declared, reaching for Nicholas.  I handed him over.  "Best because that was probably the longest I've slept at once in 3 months, and worst because I woke up."

"If you hadn't woken up, you'd be dead," Lauren pointed out helpfully.

Kinsley rolled her eyes and eyed up Celia on the floor.  "I wish I could sleep anywhere like a kid," she said wistfully.

"One day, shortly after going back to work at the end of my maternity leave, I actually did just shut my door and take a nap in the armchair in my office," I said.

"Oh good, I have so much to look forward to," Kinsley said, laughing.  "Except I don't have an armchair in my office, so I guess I'm going to have to practice napping under desks."

"I have a couple employees that could probably give you tips on that," Lauren offered.

It was nice to have some time to catch up with Lauren and Kinsley.  We were all so busy now that it was hard to find time to do the things we used to do. After waking up from her impromptu nap, Celia was stuck to me like glue and whiny, so I said my goodbyes and headed out with her.

I wasn't expecting Brody to be home from helping his mom yet, but his SUV was in the garage when I pulled in.  I got a cranky Celia out of her carseat, grabbed the rest of my stuff, and banged on the garage door with my elbow because my hands were full.  Luckily, Brody opened the door for me just seconds later.

He kissed my forehead and took some things out of my hands.  When he leaned in, Celia grabbed a fistful of his shirt and whined, "Daaaaddddyyyyy."

"Hi, honey," he said, kissing her head.  "I missed you and your mommy today."  He gave me a questioning look.

"I think she's getting sick," I guessed.  "At Kinsley's house she laid down on the floor and just fell asleep for almost an hour."  I pressed my cheek to her forehead briefly but she didn't feel hot. Brody set down the stuff he'd taken from me and I handed off Celia to him.  My heart melted a little when she cuddled happily against his chest.

I put away the stuff I'd brought to entertain her today and then peeked in on them.  Brody had her in his lap on the couch, and he was reading her a story.  I smiled to myself as he did voices for the different characters and she giggled.

I stood and watched them for several minutes until Brody looked back at me and motioned me over to the couch with a smile and a tip of his head.  I took just a few seconds more to observe and appreciate the two people that I loved most in the world, then finally went into the living room to join them.

Lauren: If It's Important to You, It's Important to Me

This one snuck up on me, and you guys are going to be displeased, but this is the last Lauren post!  I thought it would end up being two posts, so I was going to warn you today and then have one more.  But it didn't work out that way once I got it all written up.  I know there are still a few loose ends, but I promise that those will get tied up in the very last post of the blog.  The next Kinsley post is very likely her final post as well, but I haven't written it yet, so I'm not positive.  Be prepared for the possibility.
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I manage a few hours of restless, dreamless sleep.  In between, I toss and turn and think about what Alex said.  I'm not an idiot.  I can understand his original point.  I know that if it was anyone but me, marriage would be part of Alex's long term plan.  Maybe kids, too.  And I get why he's frustrated and hurt by my reluctance to move in or seriously talk about anything long term.

But I'm also hurt by him saying that I haven't done anything to show him that I'm truly in this.  Is he for real?  I don't know what else he would consider these last 6 weeks to be, but he knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't do any of the things I'd done for him out of guilt or the goodness of my heart.

I try to remind myself that both our lives have been disrupted in serious ways.  People don't think rationally when they're upset.  We both have other things going on that have increased our stress.  But I've been trying so hard to show Alex how much I love him since the night he was in the hospital and questioned it.  I don't know what else he needs, besides me to decide to move in with him.  To me, that seems like a really arbitrary marker for commitment.  People can move out just as easily as they move in.  Everything else I've done (especially making peace with his parents and doing my best to be polite to them even as they continued to be rude and dismissive of me) says more to me than moving in ever would.

It's nearly 4am before I realize that the fundamental problem is that we have different ideas of what commitment looks like.  Alex, who is probably still coming to terms with the fact that I may never want to get married, is looking for something a little more concrete and traditional.  I, in my ever-oppositional state, consider more abstract things to be an even bigger show of dedication.

Trying to figure out how to meet in the middle keeps me up until 5:30.  Finally I give up on that, and fall back to sleep for awhile.  I wake up again around 7 and just throw in the towel and get up.  I take a long shower and spend far too long doing my hair and makeup.  Around 8:30 I give up on stalling and call Alex.

He answers right away.  "Hi," I respond to his greeting.  "Can we talk?"

"Yes," he replies.  "I can come over."

I get a bowl of cereal while I wait and eat it mindlessly.  I hate fighting with Alex.  It's so rare, and it's always awful when it happens.

I see Alex pull up in my driveway and I open the door for him.  "Hi," he greets me, smiling sheepishly.  He surprises me by hugging me tightly and then kissing me.  "I love you, and I'm sorry."  I blink in surprise, and he continues.  "I was an asshole yesterday, and you had a good point.  But I'm also kind of unhappy and I also think you are, so I think we need to talk about that.  Without me taking cheap shots."

"I agree," I say softly.

We both sit on the couch and I look at him, waiting for him to start.  "Well," he says, fidgeting nervously.  I have to bite my lip, because I've never seen him so nervous and it's adorable, but also this isn't a good time for that.  "Lauren...you were right last night.  You've done a lot in the last several weeks to show me that you're committed to me.  I was an idiot for not seeing it.  It honestly didn't even occur to me how much everything you've done lately means in that way.  I'm sorry for not recognizing it, and I'm sorry for being a dick about it last night."

"Thank you," I say, relieved that he can at least see that.

"You're welcome.  Everything you've done means a lot to me, and where it comes from with you means a lot too.  But everything that has happened makes me even more sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and it's hard when you won't even have a conversation about it."

"So let's have a conversation about it," I say.

Alex looks at me silently for a second, then says, "I want to have a conversation about why we can't even talk about it."

That isn't what I'm expecting, and I'm not ready for it.  "I...well...what do you mean?"

Alex starts to sigh, but catches himself.  "I don't know, Lauren.  Tell me what freaks you out so much about it that you physically react when I even mention it."

"It doesn't freak me out, that's the thing," I tell him.  He looks skeptical, but I push on.  "It just doesn't mean the same thing to me that it means to you.  So when you think 'move in together', it means commitment and taking things to the next level.  When I think it, it doesn't mean to that me.  So all I think of is how much things change, and it's hard for me to see the meaning of it.  And if you say 'let's move in,' and I say, 'yeah, but', what you hear is that I don't want to commit.  But that's not true.  It's not true at all.  So instead of trying to explain it, I just avoid the conversation because it's easier."

Alex looks confused, and I can tell I didn't do a good job explaining.  "So, if you don't want to get married, and moving in doesn't mean 'commitment' to you, what does?" he asks.  I have to give him a lot of credit for trying to understand.

"I don't really know how to explain it," I tell him.  I see his face change, and I hurriedly continue.  "No, wait.  I'm going to try, I just needed to let you know that it might not make a lot of sense.  To me, commitment just...is, I guess?  Like, if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you, I wouldn't even still be with you.  Much less having this terribly uncomfortable but undeniably important conversation.  It's in all the things I had to do differently than I normally would have in order to help you out for the past month.  I don't change my routine for just anyone, you know." That gets a small smile out of him, and I smile back.

"Look," I say.  "I get it.  I get where you're coming from.  You pictured getting married and having kids someday, like most people do.  Then I came along and for some stupid reason you fell in love with me, and I basically ruined the idea you'd created of what your life would be like.  That sucks."

"Well--" Alex starts, and I can tell by his face that he's going to argue, to say it's not that bad.

"No, it does suck," I insist.  "You don't have to lie about it.  Alex, I have no intention of changing my mind about getting married.  It's not me.  I don't understand it.  I don't want it.  If you want to get married, it's not going to be to me.  I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I'm not ever going to marry you."

He stares at me.  Before he can get too upset, I continue.  "If you're okay with that--and I mean truly okay with it, because the worst possible thing you could do is stay with me hoping that someday I'll change my mind--then let's move in together."

Alex looks stunned.  He doesn't say anything, so I just keep talking, because apparently that's my thing now.  "I'm not going anywhere until my lease is up, obviously, but that gives us some time to plan and talk about it and all that shit that people do."

His eyes narrow suspiciously, and he finally says something.  "Are you just doing this to placate me?"

I take a deep breath and try not to lose it.  "No.  Do you know me at all?  When is the last time I did anything to placate anyone?  Much less made a major life decision just because someone else wanted me to?"  He's still looking at me suspiciously.  "Alex, my resistance to moving in with you is because it's change.  It's change, and it's giving up my space, and those things are really hard for me.  It has nothing to do with my level of commitment.  I don't think a living situation says anything about how committed someone is.  But I don't not want to live with you.  It just doesn't mean the same thing to me as it does to you.  But if it's important to you, then it's important to me.  I won't marry you, but I will absolutely live with you.  And I might even like it."

Alex finally grins at me.  "We can have separate bedrooms, if you want," he teases, and I know we're okay.

"Don't tempt me!" I tell him.

He frowns then, his brow furrowing with concern.  "My house isn't the best set up for us both," he admits.  He's right.  It's tiny.  It's probably smaller than my townhouse, but it's laid out a little better.  His frown deepens.  "But neither of us are exactly in the best place to be thinking about buying a new house.  Or even renting one."

I shrug.  "We'll figure it out.  We have a little time.  And it's not like we don't have options.  We've made your house work for now, though I've always had my place to go back to when I need a little space.  Otherwise I can probably stay here month to month until we can find something else, if we decide that's what we want to do.  I hope I'll have a job soon.  You have a job, it's just a matter of time before you're back to work full time.  It's going to be fine, we just can't be impulsive."

Alex rolls his eyes.  "As though you'd let us do anything impulsively."

"Some day you'll thank me," I retort.

"I doubt it," he replies, smirking.

"So, is this a thing?  Are we going to move in together?" I ask him.

He looks puzzled.  "Well, yeah.  I mean, isn't that what we just established?"

"You're really, truly okay with never getting married?  Or having kids?" I ask, studying his face for any hint of hesitation or uncertainty.

"Yes," he answers immediately.

"And you're not just saying that because you assume some day I'll change my mind?" I press.

"No."

"Because I know that you'd get married and have kids someday if you were with someone else," I say.

"Lauren, I don't want to be with someone else," he insists.

"Okay," I relent.  "I just know that getting married and having kids is really important to a lot of people."

"Those things aren't as important to me as being with you," he promises.  "And not getting married and not having kids are things that are important to you."  Then he grins as he says, parroting my words from earlier, "If that's important to you, it's important to me."

Lauren: Commitment

Before I even think about what I'm doing, I hang up.

Alex looks up at me, confused.  "Who was that?  Why'd you hang up so fast?"

"It was a reporter from the Denver Post," I answer.  "He wanted to talk to me about my job."

My phone starts ringing again, and I stare at it.  "You know," Alex says, looking amused.  "You could just tell him you don't want to talk to him."

"Oh, look who has logic and reason today," I retort.  "I can't answer now after I hung up on him.  He'll think I'm ridiculous."

Alex snorts.  "He already thinks you're ridiculous.  But you're right--if you answer, you're giving yourself numerous opportunities to become even more ridiculous."

I glare at him and hit the button to silence the call.  "You're--" I start.

"The worst," Alex interrupts.  "I know."  He grins at me and I roll my eyes and turn away before he can see the smile tugging at the corners of my lips.  I head upstairs to my makeshift office.  I need to comb through job postings again.

I actually find 3 that I want to apply to, and I carefully craft my cover letters and tweak my resumes, then send them off.

I get a call later that day from a job I applied to the week before, asking to set up an interview.  I don't answer it, fearing that it might be the reporter again.  After I listen to the message, I call back and set up an interview in two days.

The next day, I meet Liv for lunch.  I'm taking advantage of being off work and using it to improve my social life.  "How's the job search going?" Liv asks after we order.

"Not bad," I reply.  "I have an interview tomorrow."  I fill her in a little on the job search, and we talk about my old company.  Liv read the article in the paper and we'd texted about it quite a bit already.  "And how's married life?"

She groans.  "I wish everyone would stop asking me that," she answers.

"Uh oh," I say, concerned.

"Oh!" Her cheeks turn pink.  "No, nothing's wrong," she clarifies.  "It's just everyone's favorite question.  Actually, things are really good.  Brody finally has things at work set up the way he wants them, and things are starting to really slow down for him."  She tells me about his restructure at work and their plans to take a trip to Jamaica in March.  "Everything should be set by then, and we can celebrate him finally having a normal amount of work.  Provided nothing goes wrong between now and then, at least."

"That's awesome," I say sincerely.  I've struggled watching how busy Brody is.  From the outside, it's hard to see how their relationship works sometimes.  To me, it's seemed like he hasn't always made Liv a priority and I know they fought about it a lot towards the beginning of their relationship.  It's great to see him really making an effort to make more time in his life.  I know they want kids someday, and Liv has said that she won't even talk about it until his work schedule is more manageable.

"How is Alex doing?" she asks me.

I shrug.  "Pretty well.  He's working from home some, and we've been getting out more.  He's pretty self-sufficient now and only really takes pain meds once in awhile.  Usually after he overdoes it."

"That's great!" Liv says excitedly.  Unfortunately, she has to get back to work soon, but we make plans to go out this weekend.


My interview the next day goes well, and I leave it feeling hopeful.  I really click with the interviewers and I like the the feel of the company.  I stop on the way home to pick up some groceries, and I'm a lot more cheerful than I've been in awhile.

When I get back to Alex's house, he helps me put the groceries away.  I head upstairs to change out of my suit.  Then I make my way back downstairs and lay on the couch, settling my head on Alex's leg.  "I was thinking," I say, getting comfortable.

"Wait," Alex interrupts.  "If you were thinking, I think I need a beer before I listen."

"Shut up, jerk," I tell him, rolling my eyes.  "I was just thinking that once we're both working again like normal, productive members of society, we should plan another trip.  Savannah was so much fun until...well..." I stop.  I don't need to say 'until your mom went full bitch and tried to replace me.'

"I was thinking too," Alex counters.  "I kind of like this sweet set-up, and I thought maybe you could get a job and I'll just be a stay at home boyfriend forever."

"Tomorrow's headline: woman kills boyfriend with bare hands just for the hell of it," I reply.  "And anyway, who would pay your mortgage then?  Because I'm surely not paying my rent and your mortgage."

"I thought you'd appreciate my plan because it's breaking traditional gender roles!" Alex says, pretending to pout.  "And anyway, I just figured you'd eventually move in.  Or we'd find a new place together."  He throws this part on casually, but I stiffen involuntarily.

I hear him sigh, but I don't say anything.  "Laur," he says gently.  "You've practically been living here anyway.  I'm not saying let's move in together tomorrow, but I'm also struggling with the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone that I don't even share a house with."

I sit up and look at him.  His jokes are gone, and he looks serious.  "I'm not saying I don't ever want us to live together," I tell him uneasily.

"No," he replies, looking frustrated.  "Maybe in 10 years you'll be okay with some real commitment."

I blink in surprise and my mouth drops open a little.  I stare at him, and he returns my gaze easily.  "Alex," I start, but I stop.  I have no idea what to say.  I finally settle on, "That's not fair."

"Isn't it?" he asks.  "You're terrified of commitment.  Hell, we've known each other for almost 9 years at this point, and the best I can get from you is a verbal confirmation that you want to spend the rest of your life with me.  All talk, no action."

"Now that is really not fucking fair," I protest, trying not to raise my voice.  "I've spent the last how many weeks here, taking care of you?  I slept on your hospital bed after your accident.  I cried in public like a huge fucking mess.  I've put up with your parents, who hate me and just want me to go away, and I've done things for you that I don't even like to do for myself!  So I'm sorry, but just because you don't recognize those things for what they are, it doesn't mean I'm all talk and no action.  I've been nothing but action since the weekend before Christmas!"

My voice, which rose steadily as I talked on, shakes slightly and falters on the word "Christmas."  I try hard to see his perspective, and if I wasn't so angry I might be successful.  But I'm livid at his accusation that I've done nothing to prove that I'm in this for the long haul.  Where has he been these past 6 weeks?

I see the uncertainty in his eyes, and I can tell he's thinking about what I just said.  But I also see the stubborn set of his jaw, and I know this conversation is going nowhere good, and fast.  "I think maybe I should go home for now," I say softly.

"Sure," Alex says bitterly.  "Run away."

"I am not running away," I hiss fiercely.  "I am giving us both some space so we can come back to this after we've had some time to calm down and think.  You're hurt.  I'm hurt.  If I stay here, one or both of us will say something stupid and potentially relationship damaging.  I am walking away to save this relationship."

Alex doesn't say anything, and after giving him plenty of time to respond if he wants to, I stand.  I force myself to walk calmly up the stairs, and I collect some of my stuff.  Might as well do some of my laundry when I'm at home.  I've been doing it here, but I'll need something to do at home.

When I come back downstairs, Alex is standing with his keys in his hand.  "What are you doing?" I ask suspiciously.  Alex hasn't driven since before his accident.

"Going for a drive," he snaps.  I resist the urge to caution him and I just nod.  He follows me out the door, locking it behind me.  I don't wait around to watch him walk into his garage.  I leave as soon as I get in the car.

On the way home, I try to remind myself that the last 6 weeks have been really trying for both of us.  I hate being unproductive and not working.  Alex hates being cooped up.  That's all this is--our frustration of the last 6 weeks coming out sideways.  I hope.

Lauren: Fired

I sit down heavily on the couch and scan the article:
                 Several top executives have been placed on paid leave while an undisclosed, independent  company investigates claims of sexual harassment.  One former employee from the company's Boulder office has come forward and said that she was sexually harassed on several occasions by her former supervisor.  Sean Condin, the supervisor in question, was quickly and quietly moved to one of the Denver locations following the incident.  This appears to be his second move within the company. Condin, who was already on paid leave for unknown reasons, was fired yesterday amidst the accusations.

There's more, but I've seen enough.  "Wow," I say, slowly folding the newspaper.  Then the dots connect and I look up at Alex in panic.  "Shit, what if they think I violated the non-disclosure?"

"The employee in the article is from the Boulder office," Alex reminds me.  "And from the sounds of it, this is something that has been in the works for awhile.  Probably since before you even quit."

"Which explains why they were so eager to give me a nice severance package and have me sign the non-disclosure," I reply.  "What the fuck."

"That means they knew this was happening the whole time," Alex finishes my thought.  "That's..."

"I know."  We look at each for several seconds, then I shake my head and say, "I'm glad I don't work there anymore."

"I am too," Alex says.

I narrow my eyes.  "And I knew there was something off with him!  I told you."

"You did tell me."

"And you blew me off," I accuse him.

"I did blow you off," he agrees again.  "I will never blow you off again."  Then he smirks, because apparently he's 12 and "blow you off" is funny.

"Good, because I imagine you still want to be blown at some point in your life," I retort.

"Mmm, I kind of want to be blown right now," he replies, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"That sucks," I tell him, standing up.  I intend to go back into the kitchen to finish the dishes I was washing when he called for me.  He snorts and I roll my eyes.  "Go ahead, make the joke," I dare him.

"Well it's not fun anymore," he complains.

I smirk and head towards the kitchen.  "Neither is blowing you!" I call over my shoulder.

"Ouch!" he yells back.  "I'll remember that!"

"File it away with your fond memories of blow jobs!" I shoot back.

I hear him start laughing and I grin to myself.  Now that Alex is starting to work again a little, he's been in a really great mood most of the time, rather than just some of the time.  I've even dragged him grocery shopping with me just to get him out of the house, even though I absolutely hate grocery shopping with him.  He's like a small child, wandering away and coming back with fruit snacks or random cookies and throwing them in the cart.  I reach down to grab something, stand up, and he's gone.  Reach for something else, turn around, and he's back with candy.  It's the worst.  But getting him out of the house helps his mood more than anything else, so I suffer in silence.

I'm just finishing up the dishes when Alex yells, "Your work ex-boyfriend is texting you again!"

"You must mean my ex-work ex-boyfriend," I correct him, walking back into the living room.

"I have no idea what I mean," he replies, handing my phone to me.

"Are you supporting my ex-work-romance?" I tease him, sitting down next to him.

He snorts.  "No, I already read the text when it popped up on the screen and it's clearly not romantic in nature."  I cut my eyes at him and he laughs.  "And also I trust you, and all that jazz."

I roll my eyes and open the text.  It says, "Holy shit.  You see the paper?"

"Yes, can't say I'm shocked." I text back.  I see Alex trying not to peek and I thrust my phone in front of his face.  "You can just look if you want to," I tell him, smirking.

"I don't want to!" he insists, shutting his eyes.  I laugh and hold my phone an inch from his face so his eyes cross when he opens them.  "Seriously, are you 12?" he asks, laughing.

"Says the guy who was making blow job jokes earlier," I reply, shaking my head.

"No, I believe you tragically took that pleasure away from me," he says.

I can't help it, I burst out laughing.  "It has so many meanings," I say when I finally get my shit together.  My phone vibrates in my hand, startling me enough that I drop it.  Alex tries not to laugh, but when I try to use my toes to pull it closer and end up sending it skittering across the room, he cracks up, holding his ribs with both hands.  "You're the worst," I mutter, walking over and picking it up.

"I'm the worst for laughing because you dropped your phone and then kicked it across the room?" he asks, wiping tears off his cheeks.

I don't answer, simply glaring at him instead.  I swing my feet up onto the couch, propping them against his leg, as I text back and forth with Logan for a couple minutes.  Alex takes one of my feet and starts massaging it.  "If you're trying to win back blow job privileges you're doing a great job," I inform him.

"I'm not even," he replies, shaking his head.  "Don't think everything you've done for me in the last 6 weeks has gone unnoticed.  I think you've totally earned a foot rub."  He stops abruptly, placing my foot back down on the couch.  "In another 6 weeks, I'll do the other one."

I raise my eyes from my phone and he's smirking at me.  "You're the worst," I tell him.  "I'm going out for lunch and I'm not taking you with me and I'm not bringing anything back for you."

"Finally some peace and quiet.  See you later!" he replies, fighting to keep a straight face.

I lift my phone to my ear and pretend to be having a conversation.  "Hi, Liv?  I'm going to need a shovel and an alibi."

Alex grins and leans over, grabbing my hand and tugging.  "Come here," he requests.  I shift around and settle myself carefully against his right side.  "I love you."

"I love you too," I reply.  "And I know you appreciate all the hard, agonizing work I've put in over the last several weeks.  I'll be patiently awaiting your repayment."

Alex chuckles.  "Okay, I'll keep that in mind."

I have plans to have lunch with Kendra, who has the week off work.  Alex jokingly complains about me leaving him on his own for lunch but quickly shuts up when I offer to bring him back some food.  I haven't spent much time with Kendra lately.  She was pretty sick for the first couple months of her pregnancy so she wasn't doing much.

"Hi!" I greet her cheerfully when I walk into the restaurant.  She's standing just inside the door, waiting patiently for me.  We hug briefly, because it has been that long, and I grin at her.  "You look so good," I tell her.

"I feel fat," she complains.  She smooths her shirt carefully over her itty bitty bump.  "It's just enough that I just look really bloated."

"Not a chance," I assure her honestly.

We sit down and order an appetizer, then start catching up.  I miss her, and I don't even realize it until we're sitting here talking.  Missing people is weird like that for me.

"So I just got a promotion a couple weeks ago, and I feel bad because--" Kendra starts.

"You got a promotion?" I ask, surprised.  "I had no idea!  Congratulations!"

She smiles shyly.  "I did," she confirms.  "I haven't seen you so I guess I didn't even think to tell you, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I insist, feeling guilty for not keeping in touch with her better.  "Okay, go on."

"I feel bad because they don't know I'm pregnant.  I'm worried they're going to be pissed that I didn't tell them when they offered it to me, but I was worried they would take it back."

"I don't think that's legal," I say, shaking my head.

She shrugs.  "Even so, I didn't want them to second guess it.  Though I guess they will when I tell them, anyway."

We chat about her promotion for awhile and then I fill her in about what's new with my former job.  an hour passes really quickly and I'm disappointed when she says she has to go home to meet a contractor that's doing some remodeling on their house before the baby comes.

We hug again and I get in the car.  I'm driving home when my phone rings.  It's a number I don't recognize, and I ignore it.  It rings again as I'm walking into Alex's house.  Irritated, I answer it.  "Is this Lauren?" an unfamiliar voice asks.

"Yes, who is this?" I snap.

"My name is Jacob, and I'm a reporter for the Denver Post.  Were you recently fired or let go from your job?  I'd like to talk to you about your former company."

Lauren: Headlines

I don't tell Logan everything, of course.  I'm not stupid.  I don't say anything about the non-disclosure agreement or even that Sean got into my email account and sent the email on my behalf.  I simply fill him in on the call I got, the severance package, and the weird encounter (an edited version to not give too many details) with Sean by the bathroom.

"Sean is apparently on paid leave," Logan fills me in.  "No one really knows why, but that explains it.  If you ask me, I think he's up to even more shady stuff."

"What do you mean?" I ask curiously.

He shrugs.  "I don't know, but he's sketchy as hell.  I've thought that from day 1."

"So did I," I agree.

We both stand quietly for several seconds before Logan asks, "How's the job search going?"

"It's not, really," I admit.  "There isn't a lot out there.  At least with the severance and what I have saved, I can just apply to things I think I'd really like.  I'm not in a huge hurry anymore.  I need to check out those networking resources you sent me.  Thank you for that, by the way."

"Yeah, no problem," he replies.  "It's how I got this job.  I hope they're helpful for you."

We chat for a few more minutes, then go our separate ways.



Two weeks pass, and it's more of the same.  Job search, do some things for Alex, keep my house clean on top of it.  I spend most nights at his house, only sleeping at my own every 3 or 4 nights.  Alex is now working from home for a couple hours a day a few days a week.  He's thrilled with having a bit more to keep him busy.  He's also getting more self-sufficient and better able to use his left arm.  I'm relieved as his need for me drops a little because it means I don't have to feel bad about spending more time at my place instead of his.

Despite having my own stuff and Alex's stuff to keep me busy, plus him to keep me company, I'm going stir crazy.  I get a couple leads through one of the networking resources Logan gave me, and I apply for them and wait.  Finally, about 4 weeks after I originally walked out, I get an interview.

I relish the excuse to dress up and do my hair and makeup.  I've let myself devolve into a bit of a slob, wearing yoga pants and sweatpants and leggings far too often.  I won't even tell you how often I actually put a bra on.  You'd be ashamed, and that's fine.

Unfortunately, by 10 minutes into the interview, it's really clear to me that this isn't the company for me.  The job itself sounds great, but the three people interviewing me (one of whom would be my direct supervisor, and another is his direct supervisor) seem uptight and micromanaging, which doesn't work for me.  I confirm this by asking a question about what a typical day looks like.  I find out that lunch and break times are dictated and every minute of the day must be accounted for.  Next!

I go to Alex's house after the interview and collapse on the couch next to him.  He's playing video games, which is a fairly new thing for him, and I sit irritated and quiet until he gets to a place he can stop.  "How'd it go?" he asks.  Then he takes a second look at my face and says, "Oh, not good, huh?"

"Not good," I confirm.  "I think I need a hobby."  I've never been one for having hobbies.  I don't work out, I don't do crafts (seriously, can you imagine me crafting? I didn't think so.), I'm not artistic, and I can barely walk in a straight line without tripping over something.  Generally my own feet or, you know...air.

"I've got some hobbies for you," Alex says with a smirk.

"Yeah, I know," I say rolling my eyes.  "I guess it's about lunchtime."  Without waiting for him to respond, I stand up and stomp towards the kitchen.  I really do need to come up with some hobbies soon before I self destruct.

I hear him come into the kitchen behind me but I ignore him.  I'm standing and staring into the pantry, realizing that I desperately need to pick up some groceries, when he slips his right arm around me from behind.  "That's not what I meant," he says softly before sucking my earlobe between his lips and nibbling on it.

I sigh and close my eyes, lunch completely forgotten.  It's been almost 5 weeks since we've had any sort of sexual contact and I'm turned on the second I even feel his breath against my neck. I take a deep breath and get a hold of myself before I rip his clothes off, then turn and look at him.  I can tell by the way he's looking at me that he's just as ready to go as I am, but I ask, "Are you sure?"

"If we don't, I might die," he tells me with a totally straight face.  I laugh, because dramatic is not normally his style.  "We'll just have to be careful."

"I don't know if I have careful in me at this point, but I'll do my best," I promise.

He smirks.  "That's fine, I'll give you something else to have in you."

"You're disgusting," I say, rolling my eyes.  "Let's go upstairs."

Alex grabs my hand and pulls me upstairs, moving a lot more quickly than I'd seen him move since before his accident.  We're barely even in his bedroom when he presses his lips to mine and pulls my body against his.  He begins awkwardly pulling at my dress with one hand and I step back and tugged the zipper down then pull it over my head, then take off my tights.

Alex just stands there for several seconds, staring at me.  He does it long enough that I start to feel self-conscious standing there in my bra and underwear.  Finally he says, "You're beautiful.  Get over here and kiss me."

I gladly do, and I shiver as he runs his fingertips lightly down my spine and kisses me again.  He works to unhook my bra with one hand, fumbling like a newbie.  I laugh and say, "I can get it."

"No," he says stubbornly.  "I'm going to do it."  I bite my lip to keep from laughing, but luckily his next try frees the clasp and I shake my bra down my arms and onto the floor.  I nudge him backwards and he takes the hint and walks back until he runs into the bed.  I give him a minute to undress, lay down, and get situated, then climb onto the bed and carefully straddle his hips.  "Why are these still on?" he asks playfully, hooking a finger underneath my underwear and sliding it back and forth across my skin, making me shudder.

"Because I'm not ready to take them off," I reply, taking his hand and using all my willpower to move it away from me.  I lean down and kiss him for several seconds as I wrap my hand around him.  He's been hard since we got up here and it doesn't take much to have him panting and squirming.  I give him a short break and move so he can bite and suck on my nipples while he slides his fingers back underneath my underwear. I groan when he makes contact and let him get me close to an orgasm before I once again pull his hand away and slide down the bed.

I go down on him until he finishes, and it doesn't take long.  I wait until his grip on my hair relaxes enough that I can pull the strands free and move back up to lay next to him.  I don't even think he notices that I've moved until I start lightly running my fingertips over his chest and shoulder.  

He groans and clears his throat, then says, "Well."

"Yeah?" I reply, laughing.

"Yeah," he answers.  He shuts his eyes and is quiet for several seconds, then says, "I needed that."

"Oh good, then I guess my work here is done," I say sarcastically.  "I'll just get dressed and--"

"You'll do no such thing," he interrupts.  "I'm keeping you here naked for the rest of the day.  Now get those underwear off and come up here so I can thank you."

I lean up on my elbow and smirk at him.  "You're awfully bossy for someone who only has the use of one arm."

He reaches over, wraps that one arm around my waist, and pulls.  My body falls back against his and I'm stuck.  "If I didn't know better," he says softly near my ear, nipping lightly at my neck every couple words, "I'd think you didn't want sex."

"Mmm, well I'd hate for you to think that," I reply arching my back against him as he slides his hand beneath my underwear again.  "You know me, I just can't let everything be easy."

"I do know you," he agrees.  "And you don't let anything be easy.  But I do wish you'd take these off and come up here, because I miss the way you taste."  That was all it took for me to quit being a pain in the ass, and my underwear were off in about 2 seconds.  I carefully positioned my knees on either side of his shoulders and lowered myself to his mouth, gripping his headboard when his tongue slid against my skin.

Alex wasn't lying when he said he was going to keep me naked in his bed for the rest of the day.  We take frequent breaks and I do a vast majority of the work, but we work out some of the serious sexual frustration that has been 5 weeks in the making.  By dinner time, we we're both too dazed and tired to actually make anything, so I go down to the kitchen and come back with two bowls, two spoons, a box of cereal and the milk.

"I don't think I'm going to be able to get out of bed tomorrow," Alex groans, wincing as he works himself slowly into a seated position.  "Have you ever had sex with anyone that needed to take prescription pain meds afterwards just to function?"

"There was this old guy once..." I joke, smirking and cocking an eyebrow at him.

Alex shakes his head.  "You fucked up," he tells me.  "You could have married him, waited for him to die, collected on his life insurance and then started dating me."

"You're a horrible person," I inform him, struggling to keep the grin off my face.  "That's disgusting."

"You started it, babe," he reminds me, winking.

"Why don't people ever joke about men marrying old women for their inheritance and life insurance?" I ask.

"Because men would never stoop so low," he responds haughtily.

"You're really fucking lucky you have broken bones and shit," I tell him.  "I'll refrain from kicking your ass.  I think you're on your own tomorrow though."

"That's fine, I don't need help from you anyway," he replies.  Then I see him eyeing up the cereal box, which is on the other side of me and about 4 feet to his left.  He looks from the box to me and frowns.

"You were saying?" I ask, smirking.  He just laughs and shakes his head.  I hand him the box, then the milk.  Once we're done eating I take the stuff back downstairs then get back in bed with him.  We spend the rest of the evening laying in bed, watching Netflix.

The next morning, I'm washing dishes from breakfast and the night before, feeling much less cooped up than I had for awhile.  I'm putting dishes away when I hear Alex.

"Lauren?" he calls from the living room.  His voice sounds odd.

"What?" I yell back.

"You need to come see this."

I walk into the living room, slightly irritated at the interruption.  My irritation fades as I take the newspaper from him and see a large photo of my former office building on the front page.  I quickly scan the headline.  "Fortune 500 Company's Executives Under Fire in Sexual Harassment Cover Up."  "Shit," I mutter.  My eyes move to the sub-headline.  "Sean Condin Fired Amidst Scrutiny."

Lauren: Release of Liability

Couldn't leave you hanging for too long!  Happy Saturday!
____________________________

There's a long pause as Sandra collects herself.  "If you're not interested in having your job back," she says finally, speaking slowly, "I'm authorized to offer you a severance package."

Apparently she isn't terribly surprised by my threat.  Alex is watching me intently, and I wonder if he can hear Sandra at all.  "Tell me more," I say.

"I can offer you 4 month's severance pay," she informs me.  "We'd continue to pay it on the same twice monthly schedule as you received your salary while you were employed here.  In return, of course, we'd require you to sign a release of liability."

"That means I sign something saying I won't sue you," I say.

"Correct," Sandra confirms.

"Can you email me the release?  I'll have my attorney look it over when I discuss my options with him."  A little bluff never hurt anyone.  Alex cocks an eyebrow at me and I shrug.  He smirks and shakes his head.

"Um, of course," Sandra replies, sounding flustered for the first time.  I give her my personal email address and tell her I'll talk to my attorney and get back to her.

After we hang up, Alex gives me a look.  "Where are you going to find an attorney?"

"Amanda's husband is an attorney," I reply, shrugging.

Alex laughs.  "Isn't he in patent law?"

"Well, yeah," I answer.  "But I don't really need to talk to an attorney.  I'm not going to actually sue them."

"You could," Alex points out.

"I could," I agree.  "But honestly?  I just want to be done with them and move on.  I'm just not above making them sweat a little."

Alex shrugs one shoulder.  "Maybe you should at least talk to Amanda's husband."

"I can," I agree.

"So did they tell you anything?  I mean, are they firing Sean?"

I roll my eyes.  "'Those involved are being dealt with'," I tell him in a mocking tone.

"Really?" he asks, shaking his head.  "Dealt with, huh?  That shit pisses me off."

I grin.  It takes a lot for Alex to get worked up, and even though his voice isn't raised and his face hasn't changed, I know he's angry on my behalf and I appreciate that.  "Me too," I agree.  "Want to go out for lunch?"

"Yes!" he agrees, quickly and enthusiastically.  "Let's get out of here for awhile."

We go out to lunch, and because it's nice out, we wander around on a short walk.  It doesn't take much for Alex to get short of breath, but he insists on just taking a break and walking a little more.  I know he's going crazy being stuck at home.  He'd tried to get his doctor's approval to at least do some work from home but his doctor said absolutely not for at least two weeks.  He has an appointment on Friday and he's hoping they'll let him start doing some work, either from home or going into the office once or twice a week.

When he's finally too tired to wander around anymore, we head back to his house and he goes upstairs to nap.  I don't feel like job searching so I put on a movie and make myself comfortable in the spot Alex has practically worn out in the last week.  I doze off while I watch, and I wake up when Alex comes back down.  I hang out with him for a little while, then head upstairs to do a little job searching.

Around 7 I call Amanda.  "To what do I owe the pleasure of a phone call from my little sister so soon after I last saw her?" Amanda asks sarcastically when she answers.

"I actually want to talk to Evan," I tell her.

"Of course you do," she replies.  "About what?"  I quickly explain and she just says, "Huh.  Well, let me get him."

"You know I don't do legal advice over the phone," Evan says cheerfully, picking up Amanda's phone.

"I don't want legal advice," I retort, "just some brotherly advice."

"Alright, hit me."

I fill him in and he listens quietly.  He doesn't say anything until I finish, and then he asks, "What's more important to you: making a point or getting something for the shit you had to deal with?"

"'Both' isn't an option?"

"Well, you have a case, but without any proof in your hands of what you think happened, you'll spend more in legal fees than your case is probably worth," he says.  "But if you wanted to make a point, that would be the way to do it."

"So I'm better off taking the severance pay," I say.

"No legal advice, remember?  You need to figure out what's more important.  If you decide making a point is more important, I know a good employment attorney I can recommend.  If you decide taking the money is more important, send me what they want you to sign and I'll make sure you're not going to get screwed."

I get his email address and tell him I'm going to send him the release that Sandra sent me.  I thank him for his non-legal-advice and hang up, then send him the release.  He emails me back in a few minutes and lets me know it's a pretty standard release from liability and he didn't see anything too concerning in it.  I email him back a thanks and then toss my phone aside and head downstairs.

"My non-legal counsel advised me that suing is probably a waste of time and money," I inform Alex.
"If you take the severance, you can focus on just applying for jobs you'd really want," Alex points out.  "You wouldn't have to take something just to have a job."

"That's true," I agree.  "It would give me some more time to wait for something awesome.  There's not much right now."

"There will probably be more after the first of the year," Alex suggests.  I nod.  "What do you think you're going to do?" he asks.

"I think I'll probably take the severance.  I might fuck with them a little bit more first, though."

Alex laughs.  "I wouldn't expect any less of you," he says.

I end up going home for the night.  I need to pick up my mail and check on the house.  I feel a little anxious leaving Alex alone but he assures me that he could use some alone time too.  I remind myself that it's not like he can't get around and do things for himself.  I'm ridiculous.

I wait until mid-afternoon to call Sandra back.  "My attorney told me I have a case," I inform her.  That's not even a lie.  Well, the part about him being my attorney is, I guess.

"Oh," Sandra replies.  It's a calculated response.  We're both silent for several seconds.  She cracks first.  "I've be authorized to increase your severance," she tells me.

"Oh," I reply, in the same tone Sandra used.  Maybe I should have gone to law school.

"I can do 7 months severance pay, plus you'll retain the same insurance coverage with the company paying the same amount of the premium.  In addition, if you'd like to continue contributing to your 401k with the severance pay, we'll continue to match it up to 5%."  She delivers the news in a bored and businesslike tone, as though she doesn't really give a shit what I decide.  Maybe she doesn't.

"7 months?" I ask.  "That's an interesting number."  I try to match her bored tone, but in reality I'm pretty excited that my request to talk to "my attorney" got me another 3 months of pay, plus insurance and continued 401k matching.

"One month for every year you've worked for us, plus a bonus month," she informs me.

"Hmmm," I respond.  Sandra says nothing.  I grow bored of my own game finally and say, "That sounds fair to me."

"Excellent," she replies.  "When can you come in and sign the paperwork?"

I glance at the clock and see it's almost 3.  "How about 4:30?" I ask, knowing that's probably close to when she usually leaves.

"Are you available any earlier?" she asks.

"Unfortunately I'm not," I lie.

She pauses, and I swear I hear her sigh.  "Alright, I'll see you at 4:30, then.  You can ask for me at the front desk.  I'll let them know I'm expecting you."  That's right, I'll have to check in at the desk like a normal non-employee.  That will be weird.

I hang up the phone and head to the shower, needing to get ready for what I hope is my final appearance at my former employer.

Lauren: A Serious Mistake

I'm so relieved that Alex isn't upset about me quitting (or about not telling him right away, or about the text from Logan...) that I'm not even nervous about the idea of calling HR.  I really don't even think about it the rest of the weekend.

By the end of the weekend, I've practically moved in to Alex's house.  He's figured out how to manage most things with one arm by this point, and he can use the hand of his injured arm for quick, simple things like buttoning his jeans, but there are lots of things around the house he can't really do.  Of course it's all the most fun things like cooking and washing dishes.  But, unfortunately, those things are necessary so I'm helping him because despite popular opinion, I'm actually a nice person.

"You should quit your job and move in and just cook and clean for me all the time," Alex tells me on Sunday night.  I glare at him and he smirks and continues, "Oh wait, you already quit your job.  Perfect.  I can't pay you, and I can't even have sex with you, but know that I appreciate all your hard work."

"I swear I will kill you," I growl, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I don't think you will," he replies, shifting on the couch and putting his feet up.

I raise an eyebrow.  "Let's see how cocky you are when you have nothing to eat and your dishes don't get done."

He shrugs his right shoulder and says, "I only need one hand to order pizza and open the door."

"You've gotten awfully entitled with your injuries," I say, rolling my eyes.

He smirks.  "I know, I'm lucky you love me."

"You sure are," I mutter, snatching his empty water glass and striding into the kitchen to refill it.  When I come back, I hand it to him and then move his feet to sit next to him.

"Come here," he says, motioning for me to get closer.  I curl up next to him and tuck myself under his arm.  "I love you," he tells me, kissing the top of my head.  "Thank you for staying here and helping me.  You're way less annoying than my mom."

I burst into laughter.  "Really?  That's the compliment you have for me?  That I'm 'less annoying' than your mom?"

"Actually, I said 'way less annoying'," he points out.

"Mmhmm," I reply.  "And you're way less ugly than that stupid looking bird we saw the other week."

He laughs, knowing exactly which bird I'm talking about.  "I deserve that.  But a bird?  Really?"

"Shut up," I say, grinning.  "It was the best I could come up with on the fly."

"Seriously, though, thank you.  I know you're probably about ready to run me over with your car, but I really appreciate your help.  I hate needing it, but I appreciate having it."

"Don't be weird," I tell him, shaking my head.  "But you're welcome."

We cuddle on the couch and watch a movie before we head up to bed.  By this point, I'm itching for some alone time, so I decide to take a quick shower before I get in bed.  I stand under the hot water and sigh.  I know Alex needs me here and I'm happy to help him but it's really interfering with my need to be by myself sometimes.  This is why I'm not ready to move in.  I feel really shitty the second that thought pops into my head, but I can't help it.  I don't really understand how I can be so ready to spend the rest of my life with him, but not even close to ready to even move in with him.

I shake my head and turn off the water, drying off quickly.  When I come into the bedroom, Alex says, "You know, if you need some space at all while you're here, you're more than welcome to use the guest room."

My head snaps up and I look at him, wondering how he knew.  "What?"

"You know, if you need to sleep alone for a night, or want a quiet place to work while you're job searching," he replies.  "I know your alone time is important."

I narrow my eyes briefly, irritated for a second at his ability to read my mind.  Then I realize that he's basically just told me he's okay with my alone time and even me sleeping in another room, and I'm so grateful for the way he understands me.  "Thank you," I say, pulling on one of his t-shirts, which I've taken to sleeping in.  "I'm good for now, but I'll keep it in mind."

I grin and go back into the bathroom to hang up my towel and brush my teeth. When I come back, I climb into bed with Alex and snuggle up next to him.  "I love you," I say impulsively.

"I love you too, Laur," he replies, wrapping his good arm around me.

I reach over and turn off the light, grateful once again for how Alex understands me.


I don't even get a chance to call HR on Monday before I see my former job's number pop up on my phone.  I don't answer, because I'm worried it's Sean.  I don't want to talk to him.  My fingers shake a little as I dial my voicemail to listen to the message, and I shake my head at myself.  I'm being ridiculous.  It wasn't Sean, but Jamie from HR.  Her message says that she has some questions for me and asks me to call back.

I dial the direct number she left me.  She picks up after two rings.  "Hi, Lauren," she says after I tell her who I am.  "Thanks for calling back.  Was your new job description not what you were expecting?"

"Not what I was..." I start, confused.  "Well, no, I wasn't expecting a new job description at all, much less one that amounted to a serious demotion."

"I'm sorry?" Jamie sounds even more confused than I am.

"You guys wrote the new job description, did you not?" I ask, frustrated.  "Were you aware when you wrote it that I was hired as an engineer?"

"I think maybe there's been a misunderstanding," Jamie says slowly.  "I was under the impression that we wrote up the new job description at your request."

"At my request?" I parrot, not sure if I should be angry or really confused.

"Yes, we were told you had requested a change of job duties because your current work was getting too stressful."

"Wouldn't a request to change my entire job need to come from me?"

"It did."  Now Jamie sounds irritated.  "Sean forwarded us an email from you."

"An email?  I didn't send an email requesting a change in my job duties," I state.  "There has been a serious mistake."

"No, I have it right here," she insists.  "Let's see, it's from November 24th.  It says--"

"November 24th?" I practically shriek, realizing what's happening.  "That's the week of Thanksgiving?  I wasn't even in this state on November 24th, much less at work to send an email to my asshole boss."

Jamie is silent for several seconds, and I'm glad I already quit, otherwise I'd probably be fired at this point.  "But I have an email..." she says softly.

"I'm sure you do," I retort, "but I didn't send it.  I am telling you right now that I never requested a change in my job description or duties.  I quit because Sean took away my job and tried to turn me into his assistant."

"I'm going to have to do some looking into this," she says brusquely, finally pulling herself together.  "Can we call you back?"

"Whatever," I snap, irritated at this whole thing.  "I mean, yes.  Sure."

Jamie thanks me and we hang up, and I storm out of the guest room, which I'm using as an office of sorts at the moment.  "Do you want to know what that motherfucker did?" I screeched, pounding down the stairs and into the living room, where Alex is in his usual spot on the couch.

"What motherfucker?" he asks, looking at me with concern.

"Sean!  That asshole somehow wrote an email from me and forwarded it to HR, saying that my job was too 'stressful' and I wanted new job duties.  He told them that I wanted it!  And they bought it!  He sent it while we were in Georgia!"  I'm pacing back and forth and my voice is rising dangerously close to a yell.

"Wait, seriously?" Alex asks, looking shocked.  "He can't do that."

"You fucking think?" I cringe as soon as the words are out and say, "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean...I'm just really riled up."

"I see that," he replies.  "And I don't blame you.  I'm pretty pissed off about it myself.  So now what?"

"I don't know.  The HR person I talked to was awfully confused, said she was going to 'do some looking into it'," I inform him, rolling my eyes.

I'm too angry to sit down and comb through worthless job listings again, so I busy myself aggressively cleaning Alex's kitchen.  I'm on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor when I hear Alex walk in.  "I think it's clean now babe," he says gently.  "Though I have to admit I appreciate the view."

I sit back onto my feet and sigh.  "I'm just pissed that I probably did exactly what he wanted me to do," I say, tossing the rag I was using on the already clean floor back into the bucket.  "God, I hate cleaning."

I look back over my shoulder at Alex, who's giving me a sympathetic half smile.  "Come on, get up.  If you're going to be on your knees, I can think of something much more fun and productive for you to be doing."

His lewd joke has the intended effect and I laugh and get to my feet.  I walk over to him and let him wrap his arm around me.  "I just can't believe I fell right into his trap."

"Lauren, what he did was illegal.  You did what any reasonable--"  We both freeze when my phone rings.

It's my former job's number again, but this time I answer.  "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Lauren?"  It's not Jamie.  It's someone else.  I can't place the voice.

"Yes, it is," I reply shortly.

"Lauren, my name is Sandra, and I'm the head of HR.  It seems that there's been a serious mistake."

"That's what I said."

"Right. So, I apologize on behalf of the company.  Your job--your original job--is available to you whenever you'd like to start it again."

"I'm sorry?" I ask, baffled.  "Do you seriously think I want to come back there after this?  And anyway, I have questions.  How did he do it?  Was he on my computer?  I thought things looked out of place on my desk when I got back."

Sandra pauses, and I wonder if this is going at all how she expected.  "I can assure you that those involved are being dealt with and that this won't happen again," she tells me calmly.  "Now, if you'd like your job back, I'm prepared to offer you a 3% raise with it, along with all your old duties, including field work."

"A 3 percent raise?  For being forced to resign over a fraudulent email?"

"I think that's a little extreme--" Sandra starts.

"I don't," I interrupt.  Alex puts a hand on my arm but I shake it off.  "I don't want my job back.  I will never work for this company again.  In fact, I'm considering suing."

That shuts Sandra up really fast.

Lauren: Adults

Spending the night with Alex is nice.  I can't believe how much I missed sleeping next to him.  I don't even know who I am anymore.  We're half asleep and still curled together (well, I'm curled.  He's flat on his back which is pretty much the only way he can sleep, which sounds like the worst torture to me) when his mom barges into his room.  "Oh," she says, seeming confused.  "I forgot you were here, Lauren."  However, she makes no move to leave.  In fact, she smiles brightly at us both.  "Merry Christmas!"

"Mom, seriously," Alex groans.  "We'll be down in a little while."  As an afterthought, he adds, "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," I echo, trying to sound more cheerful than Alex.  It's a stretch, because I'm still sleepy and it's early and she totally barged in on us.

She purses her lips and then says, "Okay, well I've got some muffins cooking for a light breakfast, since we'll be doing brunch in a little while.  Lauren, you're welcome to eat before you go."  Then she leaves.

"How nice of her," I mutter, burying my face in the side of Alex's chest.

He strokes my shoulder and cranes his head down to kiss the top of mine.  "I slept so well last night," he tells me.  "I missed sleeping with you.  I really miss having sex with you, but even thinking about it makes me hurt, so..."

"Well, you just let me know when you're feeling up to it," I say quickly.  "I'm ready whenever you are."

He chuckles, then says, "Laughing doesn't hurt quite as much, so that's a good sign.  At this rate, I might be able to have sex in about a month."

I look up at him in horror and he grins.  "I don't think I've ever gone a month without sex," I groan.  "I mean, since I starting having it, anyway."

"It'll be more than that," he points out, "because it's already been a week."

"You're so lucky I love you," I whine, burying my face in the pillow.

"Merry Christmas to me," Alex teases me.  "My girlfriend is mad because I'm injured and can't have sex with her."

"Merry Christmas to you," I retort.  "Your girlfriend loves having sex with you so much that she's disappointed when she can't."

"I...have nothing," he admits.  "Because that is pretty awesome."

"I hear there are men everywhere who wish their wives and girlfriends wanted to have sex with them as much as I want to have sex with you."

"There are also men everywhere who wish their wives and girlfriends didn't want to have so much sex," he replies, smirking.

I raise an eyebrow and look at him skeptically.  "Oh, are you one of them?"

"Not at all," he says quickly.  "I'm just enjoying the debate."

"You're the worst," I mutter.

"Yet you still want to have sex with me," he points out.  I snort and flip the blankets back, starting to sit up.  "No, stay a little longer," Alex implores.  "I'll be nice."

I laugh.  "It's not like I was being nice either," I point out, snuggling back into the bed.  His bed is so comfortable.

We stay in bed for about 15 more minutes before we finally (reluctantly) get up.  "Will you come back tonight?" he asks.  "My parents' flight leaves at 4 so they'll be out of here by 2, I'm sure."

"I think I can manage that," I reply.

I change out of my pajamas and into the clothes I was wearing yesterday.  I'm just going home to shower anyway.  I stay long enough to enjoy one of Alex's mom's blueberry muffins, which are actually really good, then I wish everyone a merry Christmas (this time with a little more cheer) and head home.

I see that the delicious deli by my house is open so I stop in to pick up soup and a sandwich for lunch.  Not much of a Christmas dinner, but I'm fine with it.  I stick my food in the fridge for later, shower, and start looking for more jobs to apply to.  I find two more--one that would be a pretty sweet job and one that doesn't sound great but I'm qualified and it would be better than being unemployed.

When I'm finished, I eat my lunch and put away the gifts I hauled home from Amanda's house.  Then I recline on the couch and watch some trashy TV until Alex texts me that he's ready for me to come back over.  It seems strange to have spent so much time with him lately, but I don't hate it.  I gather a few things and throw them in a bag and then head to Alex's house.  On the way, I stop to pick up pizza, surprised anything is still open.

I knock on Alex's door then let myself in.  "No, no.  Don't get up," I tease Alex, who looks awfully comfortable on the couch.

"You're in fine form today," he replies, shaking his head.  I grin as I lean down to kiss him.  "Hi," he says, when we separate.

"Hi," I say back.  "I brought pizza.  Merry Christmas."  My phone slips out of my pocket and lands on the couch next to Alex.  I glance at it and leave it, because I'll be on the couch soon.   "Are you hungry now or should I put it in the fridge?"

"I'm starving, actually," he replies.  "My mom's brunch was...healthy."

"How awful," I joke.  I wander into the kitchen with the pizza and put slices on plates for us.  I'd eaten pretty early and was hungry too.

When I come back into the living room with the plates of pizza, Alex is giving me a weird look.  "What?" I ask.

"What's this?" Alex asks, holding up my phone.

"What's what?" I reply.  "I forgot my binoculars at home."

The look on Alex's face says he doesn't appreciate my sarcasm.  I set the plates down and take the phone.  I click the button and see a text from Logan.  The text says, "Here's the link for that networking group's site.  Good luck job searching, let me know if I can do anything else."

I frown and sigh.  "I quit my job," I say quietly.

"You what?" Alex asks, and I'm honestly not sure if he's just surprised or if he actually didn't hear me.

"I quit my job," I say, too loudly this time.  I look up at glare at him defiantly, challenging him to question my decision.  "Merry fucking Christmas."

"Laur," he says softly.  "What happened?"

His tone is enough to make me relax my defensive guard that came up right away.  "Sean's a misogynistic, chauvinistic motherfucker," I spit.

"Aren't misogynistic and chauvinistic pretty much the same thing?" Alex asks, looking genuinely confused.

I shake my head and roll my eyes.  "No, they're not," I say.  "They're similar, but misogyny is...oh, never mind.  It's not fucking important."

"Maybe another time," he replies, nodding.  "What did he do?"

I tell him the entire story, and by the end, Alex is almost as angry as I am.  He looks like he wants to say something, and I wait.  Carefully, he says, "I want you to know that I support you and what you did completely.  And you might take this in a way that I don't mean it, but I can't think of a better way to ask.  Why didn't you go to HR?"

"I was too pissed off.  And he'd already talked to HR."

Alex sits up, wincing as he does.  "But who knows what he told them?  He can't just change your job, it's illegal.  It's basically forcing you to quit.  You should talk to HR."

"I'm not going back there.  I'm not working for that asshole," I say quickly, shaking my head.

"No, Laur, that's not what I mean.  You could sue them, or at least get unemployment."

"I don't want their money.  I don't want anything from them.  I just want to be done."

"I understand," he says.  "But there are other women that work there, right?  That work under him?  He's just going to set his sights on another target and do the same thing to her."

I consider this, and I know he has me.  "You're right," I admit grudgingly.  "I'll call on Monday."

He grins.  "Good."  He pauses and looks at my thoughtfully.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," I reply, shrugging.

"That's not true," he says, shaking his head.

I shrug again.  "It happened yesterday.  And you were in such a good mood getting out of the house that I didn't want to ruin it with my shitty news.  I was going to tell you tonight."  I pause and quietly say, "And I didn't want you to be disappointed."

"Disappointed?" he asks, surprised.  "In you?  I honestly can't think of anything you could ever do that would make me disappointed in you.  Except maybe vote for Trump."

I look back up at him and laugh.  "You don't have to worry about that," I assure him.  "It was just so impulsive, and that's not like me.  But I don't regret it."

"You shouldn't," Alex says reassuringly.  "You'll find a new job really quickly.  In the meantime, if you need any help with--"

"I have plenty of money saved," I interrupt him.  "And anyway, you're not even going to be working for a few weeks."

"I also have more than plenty saved," he replies.  "And a really good short term disability plan."

We look at each other and I crack up.  Alex grins, trying not to laugh.  "We're such fucking adults," I gasp, laughing.  "Jesus, listen to us."

"When did that happen?" he asks me, giving me a half smile.  "Do you ever miss being in college?"

"No," I answer quickly.  "I like being an adult.  I like my adult routine."

Alex snorts.  "Of course you do," he says, shaking his head.  "Though it doesn't seem terribly adult-like to be eating takeout pizza for Christmas dinner."

"And not having any Christmas gifts," I add.

"Or decorations," he agrees, looking around.

We look at each other again and grin.  "You're going to hate this, but I don't need any of that stuff."

"Oh, really?" I ask cautiously.  I have a feeling that he's about to be really sappy.

"Really," he says.  "Because all I need is you."

"Oh my god, you're disgusting," I groan, reaching for my pizza, which has sat untouched.

"Yeah?" he asks.  "The worst?"

"The worst," I confirm.  "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Lauren: Tomorrow

Happy Sunday, friends!  Keep your eyes peeled for a Kinsley post sometime during the first half of this week, and another Lauren post sometime late this week.
__________________________________

The words come out before I can really think them through, but I don't regret them.

"Excuse me?" Sean sputters, and he looks genuinely flustered.  It makes me grin, which makes him look even more confused.

"I said 'I quit'," I reply, standing.  "If you don't want me to do the job I was hired for, then I'm going to find someone who does."

Sean quickly rearranges his face back to a neutral expression and says, "Well, alright then.  Good luck to you.  You have 30 minutes to collect your things."  I think he thinks he's calling my bluff, but it's not a bluff.  "As a matter of fact, here's a box for you."  He grabs an empty box from the corner of his office and hands it to me, challenging me to take it.

I do.  I take it, smile, and say, "Thank you, Sean.  I'll be gone in 15."  I don't keep much personal stuff at work.  I just have a few textbooks, some snacks, and some personal office supplies, basically.  For a fleeting second he looks shocked, but I turn on my heel and walk out of his office before I can see how long it takes for him to once again regain control of his expression.

As I'm putting my stuff in a box, I become aware of the curious looks from around the office.  Logan walks up as I'm finishing.  "Can I help?" he asks, looking more concerned than curious.

"At your own risk," I reply with a shrug.  He glances over his shoulder towards Sean's office, then picks up my half-full box.  I grab my coat and purse and start walking towards the elevator.

Once we're safely inside the elevator, Logan turns to me.  "Did you...are you.." He stops.  There's really no polite way to ask someone if they just got fired, is there?

"No," I say, shaking my head.  "I quit.  He's trying to turn me into a fucking secretary, and I've worked too damn hard for that."  I glare at the wall as I talk.  I'm not yet regretting my move, but I am starting to get a little nervous.  More than that, I'm absolutely livid that that disgusting, chauvinistic bastard finds no value in my position as I was hired.

"What are you going to do?" he asks.  I can't even believe he's in this elevator, holding my box and having this conversation.

"I have no idea," I admit.  "I updated my resume a couple weeks ago, but I haven't actually applied for anything.  Now I'm wishing I had."

"Look," he says, shifting to face me.  "I'm a member of this networking group for structural engineers that might have some ideas.  I can send you the information."

"Thanks," I reply.  The elevator door opens and we walk out into the parking ramp.  I find my car and Logan puts my box in the backseat for me.  "Thanks," I say again, looking at him.

"Good luck," he tells me, briefly touching my arm.  I nod and get into the car, and Logan walks away.
I take a second to consider what to do next.  I still don't have any regrets.  I have about 8 months worth of rent and bills saved up, plus a sizable-for-my-age 401k that I could cash out if I needed to.  I'm not worried about money.  Not even a little bit.  I've always lived below my means.  I am worried about not working.  I enjoy working.  I like being productive.  The idea of sitting at home all day applying for jobs and doing little else makes me break out into a cold sweat.

I drive home and get right to work.  I re-read my resume for the thousandth time, make a couple small changes, and then open my internet browser.  I spend the next three hours methodically reading job descriptions, writing cover letters, and submitting my application materials.

By the time I stop to eat lunch, I've only applied for 4 jobs, but it feels like it's taken so much longer than it should have.  I remind myself that it's because I'm writing cover letters specific to the positions and tailoring my resume as well when it's called for.  Then I wonder if anyone actually reads cover letters.  Am I wasting time this way?  Ultimately, I decide that I'd rather potentially waste time and look like a well put together candidate than risk getting my resume discarded over a vague, generic cover letter.

I take a break long enough to eat a sandwich and watch a DVRed episode of Real Housewives.  It refreshes me enough to apply to 3 more jobs before I quit for the day.  I now only have about two and a half hours to make the dessert I'm bringing to Amanda's house and get ready.

I manage with 15 minutes to spare and I head over to Alex's house so I can be polite and wish his parents a merry Christmas.  Alex's dad opens the door when I knock, and Alex calls, "You know you can just walk in, right?"

"I know," I reply.  I feel weird walking in with his parents there, though.  "Merry Christmas," I say to his dad, forcing a smile.

"Merry Christmas, Lauren," he says, and it's almost warm.  Almost.  I bite back a frustrated sigh.  I will never win with them, and it's driving me crazy.

"Oh, is that Lauren?" Alex's mom calls from the general direction of the kitchen.  I roll my eyes, because of course it's me.  Alex's house isn't that big, I'm quite sure she heard his dad say, "Merry Christmas, Lauren."  Also, who else would be here 10 minutes before 5 on Christmas Eve?

Sharon walks into the living room, drying her hands on a towel.  "Hello, dear," she says, smiling just as falsely as I am.

"Hi, Merry Christmas," I say.  From the couch, Alex snorts and I shoot him a dirty look.

"Mmm, yes," she replies, as though it just occurred to her that it's Christmas Eve.  "And the same to you."  Alex looks away to hide his smirk and I just continue beaming at Sharon with my fake smile.

"Ready to go?" Alex asks me, carefully standing up.  I see him wince slightly as he does it.  Tightening his abs to stand puts pressure on his broken ribs.  Actually, just about everything does.  I hope I never break my ribs.  It sounds awful.

"I am," I tell him.  "Here."  I grab his coat from the hook next to the door and hand it to him as he walks over.  He already has his shoes on and it's clear that he's in a hurry to get out of here.  He thanks me and struggles to get his coat onto his arm that's not in the sling.  I know better than to help him, but I hate watching him struggle.  Finally he gives up and glances at his dad, who holds the coat so he can get his good arm into the sleeve.  His dad drapes the other side over his shoulder.

"This is fucking ridiculous," he mutters.  "My arm isn't broken, I don't know why I can't just use it."

"Because all the--" his mom starts, in a lecturing tone.

Alex cuts her off.  "Yes, I understand why I can't use it, I'm just frustrated."  She snaps her mouth shut and presses her lips into a thin line.  I wonder briefly if she was ever a pleasant person.  Did she ever have a sense of humor?

"I'll see you guys later tonight, okay?" Alex says, looking from his dad to his mom.  "Lauren's niece is pretty little, so I'm sure we won't be there too late.  Right?"  He looks to me for confirmation and I nod.

We leave the house and get in the car.  Alex manages his seat belt one-handed, adjusting it to not lay against his broken ribs, and I slide into the driver's seat.  He sighs in relief as he settles into the seat.  "I can't even tell you how happy I am to be out of that house," he tells me.  "Come here."  I lean over and kiss him.  When I start to pull away he grabs my hand and I kiss him again.  "I've missed you," he tells me, when he lets me go.

"I've seen you every day," I tease him, grinning as I start the car.

He snorts.  "It's not the same with them hovering around."  I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, and I can see the perma-glare that's been etched onto his face for the last several days has relaxed.  He's actually smiling.  I'm relieved that getting him away from his parents has improved his mood.  "How's work been this week?  Was Sean pissed that you called in on Monday?"

I freeze, playing off my pause as checking my blind spot before I pull onto the road.  I'm nervous suddenly, not wanting to ruin Alex's better mood by giving him my news.  "No, he wasn't even there.  It was fine," I say finally, as casually as possible.  I keep my eyes on the road, hoping that he won't be able to tell that I'm basically lying to him.

He doesn't seem to notice and he starts talking about how weird his mom acted today.  "It was like I was planning to leave the country.  Heaven forbid I leave the house for a little while."  He shook his head.  "I'll be relieved when they leave tomorrow.  Is that horrible?  Being excited for your parents to leave on Christmas?"

"I don't think it's horrible, but I'm extremely biased," I reply.  I reason away my guilt at lying about work by telling myself I'm making Alex's evening out of the house more enjoyable.  I'll tell him tomorrow.  Or, maybe not.  Tomorrow is Christmas.  I'll tell him...soon.

It doesn't take long to get to Amanda's house, and my 6 year old niece Casey flings the door open as soon as I pull into the driveway.  "Hey dollface!" I call as we get out of the car.  Casey starts to step onto the front stoop, then glances over her shoulder, makes a face, and stands impatiently inside the open doorway, waiting.  I grab the cake I'd made and my bag full of gifts and start up the walk to where Casey is bouncing impatiently.

"Merry Christmas, Aunt Lauren and Alex!" she squeals when we get close enough.

"Merry Christmas to you too, sweet girl," I reply.  My hands are full so I lean down and kiss the top of her head.  "I'll give you a hug when I put everything down, okay?"  My sister loves to joke that my niece is the only person in the world that I'll willingly show affection toward.  In the days before Alex, she wasn't wrong.

Casey holds the door open for us and Amanda appears to take things out of my hands.  Casey looks at Alex curiously.  "Why are you wearing your coat like that?" she asks, clearly puzzled.

Alex smiles as I grab the back of it so he can get his arm out relatively gracefully.  "Because I broke my collarbone and my arm is in a sling.  See?"  He points to his arm once he's free of his coat.

Her eyes get wide.  "Does it hurt?" she asks.

"A little bit," he tells her.  "But it feels better now than it did a few days ago."

"What happened?" she questions, full of curiosity.

"I fell when I was skiing," he replies.

Casey nods solemnly.  "My mom said that skiing is dangerous and people who ski are crazy."

Alex laughs, then winces.  Of course, Amanda had walked back into the room just as Casey was saying that.  "Casey!" she scolds.

"What?" Casey asks, confused in her 6 year old innocence.  "That's what you said.  You said it when we were having dinner on Tuesday.  I remember!"  Amanda's cheeks turn pink and I crack up.

Alex bends down a little and grins at Casey.  "You know what?  Right now, I'm inclined to agree with your mom."  He winks at Casey and grins at Amanda.

"Does that mean you're not going to ski anymore?" Casey asks him.

Alex smirks.  "Oh no, I will definitely ski again.  Maybe even this winter still, as soon as I'm better."

Casey makes a face and looks at me.  "Where do you find these people?" she asks, throwing her hands up dramatically.  That's enough to send me over the edge, and I sit down hard on the couch, laughing.  Alex is trying unsuccessfully to not laugh, and Amanda's face turns a shade of crimson that I don't think I've even seen on Liv's face.

"I don't," I tell her.  "They find me."  Finally Amanda laughs and Casey just looks between us, having no idea why we're laughing.  I just love the things that come out of this girl's mouth.

"Well, if there was any question about her having your attitude and lack of filter, I think we just answered it," Amanda says, once we all get it together.

"Consider yourself lucky," I say.  "I'm hilarious, and so is she."

The rest of the evening goes well.  Evan, my sister's husband, gets home shortly after we arrive, and we eat way too much and open gifts.  I went a little overboard buying gifts for Casey, and Amanda gives me more than one dirty look as Casey's pile of new clothes, toys, and books grows bigger and bigger.  "I hope this is for Christmas and her birthday," Amanda hisses at me.  Casey's birthday is Dec 30th.

I smile sheepishly.  "No, I have more for her birthday," I admit.  Amanda just sighs and shakes her head.

After gifts, we turn on A Christmas Story, and Casey snuggles up to me on the couch.  I look at Alex and say, "We can leave whenever you're ready."  He's clearly enjoying his night "out" but I can tell he's exhausted.  This is by far the most activity and excitement he's had since before his accident.

"I'm fine," he answers, a little defensively.  I cock an eyebrow and he sighs.  "I'm tired, you're right.  But I'm not ready yet."

"Okay," I reply.  "Just let me know."  He finds my left hand with his right and our fingers wind together automatically.  Between his injuries and his parents, this is the most physical contact we've been able to have in nearly a week.  I'm surprised to find that I wish I could tuck myself under his arm and lean against him.  I'm also feeling seriously sex-deprived, but I'm trying to get used to it because I have a feeling it will last awhile.

We leave about 30 minutes later.  In the car, Alex says, "Will you stay tonight?"

"Your mom will have a fit.  And I don't have clothes or anything."

"We can stop at your house.  And I don't care if she has a fit.  I really want you to stay."

I have to admit that I miss spending the night with Alex.  Sex completely aside, it's hard to go from spending at least a few nights a week together to sleeping alone all the time.  Ugh, who am I?  "Okay," I agree.  "But you have to handle your mom."

"I will," he assures me.  "Speaking of handling my mom, you've done a really amazing job of being nice to them, even though they've been pretty awful to you.  Thank you."

"They haven't been awful.  They've just not been nice."

"That's way more than bad enough," he replies, shaking his head.  "They haven't been downright rude to you, but they've made it pretty clear they'd prefer for you to not be around.  That pisses me off."

"I can tell," I say, smirking.  "You haven't exactly been pleasant to them."

"They haven't earned my pleasantness," he retorts.

Alex's mom must be tired of fighting him, because she says nothing when he informs her I'm spending the night.  She gives him a withering look, but that's it.  She turns to me and politely asks if I would like to join them for Christmas brunch before they leave.  "Thank you for inviting me," I tell her sincerely, "But I'll go home in the morning and let you guys enjoy Christmas brunch with your son."  Alex gives me a weird look but his mom smiles, the first genuine smile she's worn since this whole mess started.

"Thank you," she replies.  

Alex and I go straight upstairs to get ready for bed.  He's exhausted and it's obvious.  He groans as he lays down and I let him get settled before I climb in next to him and pull up the blankets.  I'm laying on his right, which is the opposite of how we usually sleep.  It's throwing me off, and I wiggle around, trying to get comfortable before I settle next to Alex.  "Why did you say no to brunch?" Alex asks curiously.

"Consider it my Christmas gift to your parents," I reply.

"Speaking of Christmas gifts, I haven't had a chance to get you anything," Alex tells me.  "I'm sorry."

"You've been a little busy," I point out.  "And to be honest, I was going to get your gift on Sunday, and with everything that happened, I completely forgot.  So I don't have anything for you either.  Let's not even worry about it, okay?"

"Sounds good to me," he agrees.  I get settled, carefully resting my head on his chest and pressing the rest of my body against his side.  He wraps his right arm around me and sighs softly.  "I've missed this."

"I have too," I admit, snuggling a little closer.

"What?" he asks in mock surprise.  "You've missed physical contact and affection?  I don't believe you."

"Shut up," I say, laughing.  "I have.  I've also missed your sense of humor, so I'm glad to see it's back."  Getting him out of the house, even for a couple hours, was clearly necessary.  "I love you, Alex."

"Awwwww," he says, still teasing.  I roll my eyes and shake my head against his chest.  "I love you too, Laur.  Thank you for braving my parents to be here with me this week."

I nod and yawn.  In my sleepy, relaxed state, I almost blurt out that I walked out of my job today.  But I don't.  Now's not the time; I don't want to ruin this moment.  Tomorrow.  I'll tell him tomorrow.