The Reunion (Liv): Summer

Hi all!  I'm glad you enjoyed the first post.  Just wanted to let you know I'm not posting on any sort of schedule here.  I'm shooting for about one post a week, but I make no promises.  I have a handful of ideas so I'm looking at maybe 10-12 total posts?  We'll see how carried away I get :)
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I was composing an email to my boss, asking if there was anything I could do to pick up a few hours over the summer.  Groups, writing assessments, anything but sitting around being unproductive, when Brody called.  "Hey you," I said cheerfully.  "Will you be home for dinner tonight?"

"I won't," he said.  "In fact, I won't be home until late, that's why I'm calling."  I sighed, disappointed.  "Wait a second before you get too upset," he urged me.  "I'm staying late tonight so I can take tomorrow and Monday off to spend with you at the cabin."

"Really?"

"Of course, would I lie about that?" he asked.  "Don't wait up for me, okay?  Get some sleep, and we'll leave tomorrow morning.  I'm not even taking my phone with me."

"Okay, well, if that's the case I suppose I can manage on my own tonight," I replied, grinning.

I fell asleep around 10, but woke up when Brody came in, because he stubbed his toe on the dresser and swore.  I groaned and rolled over.  "Brody?" I croaked.

"Sorry," he said softly.

"What time is it?" I asked, my voice muffled by sleep and the pillow.

I felt the mattress sink under him.  "You don't want to know," he replied, stroking my back.  "I'm sorry I woke you."

"S'okay," I mumbled.  "Come to bed."

"Just a minute," he replied.  I felt his lips on my cheek, and then the mattress moved again as he stood up.  I heard him go into the bathroom, and I rolled over and tried to fall back to sleep.  But despite my best efforts, I was now awake.

Brody was in bed in a couple minutes and I snuggled up to him.  "How was your day?" I asked.  "Besides long."

"It was pretty good, actually," he replied.  "Everything is really coming together.  I think I'm going to be able to work some more normal hours really soon."

"Yeah?" I asked, lifting my head to look at him.  "I really hope so."

"Me too," he said.  I nestled into him, shifting a little closer.  Brody pulled me tightly against him, and I soon fell back to sleep.

Amazingly, Brody was still up before me.  He was out drinking coffee on the deck with Eddie when I made my way downstairs.  "Why are you up already?" I asked, squinting in the bright morning sunlight.  Eddie lifted his head at the sound of my voice and jumped up, trotting happily over to slobber all over my bare legs.  "Good morning, sweet boy," I said to him, scratching the top of his head.

"I get a 'why are you up already?' and he gets a 'good morning, sweet boy'?" Brody asked, smirking and raising an eyebrow.  "I see how I rank."

I laughed.  "Good morning, sweet boy," I said, kissing him on the cheek and settling into the chair next to him.

"Much better," he answered, grinning.  "And I have no idea why I'm up already.  I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep.  I was going to make breakfast in a little bit, I didn't expect you to be up quite yet."  I yawned in response, drawing a chuckle from Brody.  "I need more coffee, do you want some too?"  I nodded and leaned my head back, closing my eyes and enjoying the warm sun.  Eddie had stretched out again, this time under my chair.

Once I had woken up a little, Brody and I made breakfast together.  Then we packed for the weekend, loaded Eddie into my SUV, and got on our way.  I drove so Brody could relax.  Despite his good mood this morning, I could tell he was exhausted.  Sure enough, he fell asleep within 20 minutes.  Eddie sat happily in the backseat, nose pressed to the window.  I had it open about 4 inches for him, and he was slobbering all over the place.  "Oh Ed," I said, glancing at him in the rearview mirror.  He looked at me briefly with his goofy smile, then turned his attention back to the wind rushing into the car.

I had to wake Brody up when we got close, because I could never remember where to turn off the main road.  He yawned and stretched as much as the confines of the car allowed as we pulled up in front of the cabin.  I pulled my car under the carport.  This was Eddie's first trip here, so I snapped his leash on before I let him out.  He looked around excitedly as I let him sniff around the yard for a few minutes before we went inside.

Brody had brought most of our stuff in while I was letting Ed get acclimated.  I was hopeful we'd be spending some more time here soon, and I wasn't interested in hauling a bunch of Eddie's stuff back and forth each time, so I'd stopped at the store yesterday evening and picked up two new beds (one for the living area and one for our bedroom...no he's not spoiled at all!), food and water dishes, a long tie out, and a few of his favorite toys and chews.  "What do you think, bud?" I asked him, bringing him inside and letting him off the leash.  He sniffed around cautiously, smelling everything before moving to the next room.  He looked over his shoulder at me, whined once, and wagged his tail.  I followed him into the next room, where he happily sniffed around under my supervision.  We did this room by room for the entire cabin.

Brody was flopped on the bed in the master bedroom when we got done with our tour.  "Did he tip you, Madame Tour Guide?" he asked, smirking at me.  "He's got you wrapped around his little finger."

"It's a mutual wrapping," I retorted.  "Jealous I haven't paid as much attention to you yet?"

"A little bit," he said.

I laughed.  "Roll over," I said, tapping his hip.  He rolled onto his stomach and I straddled his hips, starting to massage his shoulders.

"That feels good," Brody groaned, his voice muffled by the bed.  I worked my way down his back, then back up, ending by massaging his scalp for several minutes.  "I'm so sleepy," he mumbled.

"Sleep for awhile," I suggested.  "I'll take Eddie for a walk and make some lunch, and if you're still sleeping when it's ready, I'll wake you up then, if you want."

"Okay," he said.  I swapped my flip flops for a pair of sneakers and by the time I had them changed, Brody was asleep in the middle of the bed in the same position he'd been in when I was rubbing his back.  I shook my head and pulled the blinds closed so it was a little darker for him, though I'm not convinced it would have made any difference.

Eddie followed me out of the room, and wiggled happily when I snapped his leash back on.  "Want to go for a walk, bud?" I asked him.  He wiggled harder, too well-behaved to do anything else.  I laughed and led him to the door.

We walked for about 40 minutes, and Eddie was thrilled with the new smells and sights.  I even jogged with him for a little while, and he ran alongside me, lips and tongue flapping happily away.  When we got back, he slurped up some water and trotted to the bedroom to keep Brody company.

I took my car into the nearest town and stopped at the store for something for lunch and for dinner.  I picked up some chicken breasts and stuff for salad for lunch, then picked out some steaks and scallops for dinner.  I found a few snacks, eggs and bread and milk for breakfast in the morning, and some juice.  At the liquor store next door I grabbed some beer and wine, and then I headed back up to the cabin.

Brody was still fast asleep when I got back, and Eddie was snoring on the floor at the foot of the bed.  He lifted his head to look at me sleepily when I peeked in, but for once he stuck by Brody, putting his head back down and huffing out a very dramatic breath.

I headed out to the grill on the deck and started it up.  While the grill was heating up and the chicken was cooking, I cut up some veggies and fruit and threw together salads.  When everything was done, I went into the bedroom to wake Brody up.  I laughed when I saw that Eddie, who was almost never allowed in our bed (I let him when Brody was out of town, but we didn't let him when we were both in bed), was stretched out next to Brody.

When I woke Brody up, he was just as surprised as I was to see Eddie next to him.  "He took advantage of my tiredness!" Brody said, but he was laughing.  Once Brody got out of bed, we went outside to eat on the deck.  It had been hot in the city for the entire week, and the slightly cooler air here was welcome.

Brody's nap had done its job, and after lunch he had a lot more energy.  When I got up to put Eddie on his tie out and let him off the deck, Brody wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down into his lap.  I yelped in surprise, toppling onto him.  "Hi," he said, with a mischievous grin.

"Hi," I replied, laughing.  "Something I can help you with?"

"Actually, there's something I'd like to help you with," he said.  He pulled me closer and kissed me, and I shifted into a more comfortable position before losing myself in the kiss.

"Mmm, should we go inside?" I asked softly, barely pulling my lips from his.

"No," he responded, pushing his hand through my hair and then pulling my lips back to his.  His other hand roamed over my hip and down to my bare leg.  He slipped his fingertips under the edge of my shorts and pressed them into my skin.  Eventually, he tugged at my shirt, working it up and then pulling it over my head.

"Brody!" I exclaimed, laughing.  "We're outside."

He shrugged, smiling wickedly.  "Do you see any people?  Or houses?  Or anything but trees?"

"Good point," I admitted, looking around briefly.  Brody kissed along my collarbone, drawing my attention back to him.  I groaned softly as he swirled the tip of his tongue in a light circle at the base of my throat.

"So, do you want to go inside?" Brody asked, pausing.  His breath was warm against my skin and his lips brushed gently against my neck as he spoke.

"No," I whispered, digging my fingers into his arms as he lightly nipped at my shoulder.  Brody chuckled and reached behind me to unhook my bra.  I shivered as he removed it, dragging his fingertips down my arms along with the straps.  He leaned forward and flicked his tongue across one nipple, then wrapped his hands around my waist and lifted me off his lap and onto the table.  His mouth moved to the other nipple and his hands worked on the button and zipper of my shorts.

I sighed happily, shifting my weight so Brody could pull my shorts off.  He knelt in front of me and slid his hands up my thighs, pushing my legs apart as he did.  Brody kissed his way up my inner thigh and I gasped when his mouth reached its destination.  I almost slid off the table when I came, but Brody's strong grip on my hips kept me in place.  I pulled him up and yanked his shirt off.  He beat me to undoing his shorts, but not by much.  I wrapped my hand around him, stroking him until he pushed my hand away and pushed into me.

I enjoyed the thrill of being outside and completely exposed, even though the risk of actual exposure to anyone else's eyes was low.  Brody was in no hurry, and I enjoyed every second of it.  When we were finished, he yawned.

"Still tired?" I asked, laughing.

"More like tired again," he replied.  "You have a way of wearing a man out."

We decided to head inside and relax in bed for awhile.  I pulled my shorts and shirt back on and looked out into the yard.  Eddie was laying flat on his side, his legs stretched in either direction as far as they'd go.  "Eddie!" I called.  "Hey, Eddie!  Do you want to come inside?"  He lifted his head to look at me lazily, one eye still closed.  Then he shut the open eye and laid his head back down.  "Eddie!  Come inside!" I called again.  In response, he rolled lazily onto his back, rolled back and forth a couple times, and then stopped, legs still in the air.  "I guess Eddie is staying outside," I said with a laugh.  I checked his tie out and then followed Brody inside.

Once in the bedroom, I wriggled out of my clothes again and climbed under the blankets.  Brody was already there, and barely let me get all the way into bed before he pulled me against him.  We spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, alternating between talking or dozing and having lazy sex.  Brody got up once to let Eddie in, otherwise we stayed in bed until I dragged Brody out to help me make dinner.  After dinner, we took Eddie for a walk and then settled into the jetted tub in the bathroom with a bottle of wine.

We spent the rest of the weekend enjoying each other's company, cooking together (which was something I loved but we hardly ever got a chance to do anymore), hiking, and being lazy.  On the drive home Monday afternoon, Brody said, very seriously, "I think we should do this monthly.  At least monthly, maybe more.  I needed this.  We needed this."

I agreed.  I'd had a good idea what I was getting into when I gave Brody my blessing to buy his new office building, but it was now getting old really fast.  It probably didn't help that the worst of it had come when I was off work for the summer and actually had time to go and do fun things, but couldn't do them with my husband.  Of course, that didn't stop me.  I had spent quite a bit of time with Lauren and Kinsley so far, but I missed doing things like this weekend with Brody.  I supported him 100%, and I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but I was counting down the days.

We'd also started to get a lot of questions from people about when we were going to have kids.  And since "When my husband works fewer than 90 hours a week and our child will actually recognize him," wasn't a socially appropriate answer, I'd done a lot of smiling, shrugging, and saying, "We're not quite ready," or "when things settle down a little."  Those answers resulted in lectures on how if we waited to be completely ready, we'd never have kids, or that things will never truly settle down, what's a baby on top of it?  But I knew better.  I was in full support of Brody right now, but I knew if we added a baby to the mix now, I'd grow to resent him really quickly.  And I didn't ever want to resent him.

"What are you thinking about?" Brody asked me, breaking into my thoughts on babies and support and resentment.

"Babies," I said honestly.

Brody didn't say anything for several seconds and then said, "Okay, you're going to have to give me more than that."

"Sorry, I was just thinking about having a baby someday.   We haven't talked about it in awhile."  I glanced at Brody's anxious face and realized why he was nervous.  "Oh!  No, I don't mean I want to have a baby now," I said, laughing.  The relief on Brody's face was almost comical.  "Sorry, you saying we needed this made me think about how tough the last several weeks have been, which made me think about missing doing fun things with you, which made me think about the absurd number of people who think the contents of my uterus are any of their business, and then I was about to start thinking about all the things I want to do before we start having kids, but you interrupted my completely logical train of thought."

"Completely logical," Brody said with a smile.  "So continue your thoughts out loud.  What are the things you want to do before we start having kids?"

"Well, I don't know.  I hadn't gotten there yet, remember?"  I smirked at him, and he laughed.  "But I know I want to travel more.  I want to do more with my career.  I need to finish the licensure process.  I have a little bit of supervision left to get before I can do that."

"And I want to be able to be around more," he said.

I nodded.  "Trust me, I want that too," I assured him.  "In fact, I require it."

"Well, I'm hoping that will start happening really soon," he said.  "Once we finish filling the open positions and have everyone trained, I should be able to decrease my hours fairly significantly."

"How many open positions are left?" I asked.

"Three," Brody said.  "Considering we started with 16 to fill with the expansion, I'm hoping we can have them filled within a month."  

I considered this.  "So with training and everything...?"

"My goal is by the end of the summer.  But I can do a little cutting already, I think.  Everything is going so smoothly right now.  I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, I guess.  But it is, and I think it's about time to start cutting down and seeing what happens.  We've got a couple departments that are fully staffed now.  There's no reason for me to still be involved so heavily with them."

"Sounds like you have a plan," I said, smiling.

He chuckled.  "I do," he replied.  "We'll see if it happens the way I want it to, but having a plan is good in any case."

"I'll take it," I said, grinning.  Brody reached for my hand across the center console, and we finished the drive in easy silence.

The Reunion (Brody): Summer

"Liv?" I called, shifting my briefcase into my other hand so I could pull the door shut behind me.

"Hi!" she said, emerging from the kitchen with a grin.  "You're home early!"

I returned her smile, putting my stuff down so I could hug her.  "I missed my wife," I replied, wrapping my arms around her and kissing the top of her head.  Even though we'd been married for almost 9 months, I still never got tired of calling Liv my wife.  "Are you cooking again?"

She blushed guiltily.  "I'm so bored," she said.  "This not working thing is not all it's cracked up to be."  Liv's new position gave her most of the summers off.  She was three weeks in and already bored.  "The first week was great," she continued as she led me into the kitchen.  "Last week wasn't so bad.  But I have no idea what to do with myself this week.  I've read 12 books.  I go to the gym for two hours a day.  What am I supposed to be doing with my life?"

I couldn't help it, I laughed.  "Well, there goes my dream of eventually talking you into being a trophy wife after all."   She wrinkled her nose.  "You know I'm kidding.  And as much as I love your cooking, I'm not sure any more leftovers are going to fit in the fridge.  Should I go buy a second one, or...?"

"Maybe get a third while you're at it?" she suggested, cocking an eyebrow sassily.  Then she shook her head.  "I need a hobby or something.  I thought being off for the summer would be fun."

"You've never been good at not doing much," I pointed out. I thought for a second while I got plates and silverware out.  "What's today?  Wednesday?"

"All day," she replied, turning off the oven and looking over her shoulder at me.  "Why?"

I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her from behind.  "What if we went to the cabin this weekend?"

"This weekend?" she asked, sounding surprised.  She turned to face me.  "But you're so busy."

I brushed a piece of hair away from her forehead and rested my hand against her jaw.  "I need a break.  And I told you, I miss my wife.  Let's get out of town for the weekend."

Liv's face lit up.  "That would be great!" she said excitedly.  "I miss you, too."

Liv had been great for the last 7 months while I worked on restructuring my company, hiring, and getting things the way I wanted them.  I could tell it was wearing on her, and the long hours and few days off were wearing on me too.  "We're almost there," I told her softly.  "You've been amazing and so patient, and I promise it will be worth it."

She nodded.  "Okay," she said softly.  Then she grinned.  "But this weekend.  It's going to be great!"

"You said that already," I teased her.  I kissed her forehead, then said, "It is going to be great."  Liv pushed up onto her toes to kiss me, and I couldn't remember the last time I had kissed her.  I mean, actually kissed her.  I kissed her every morning before I left for work, though she was usually half asleep and probably didn't even remember it by the time she woke up.  And I kissed her every night when I got home and before bed.  But they'd become rehearsed, like we were going through the motions.  And I knew that was my fault.  I was so exhausted from work that I felt like a zombie the rest of the time.  The end really was in sight, but the final push had been the worst of all so far.

I kissed her again.  She looked disappointed when I pulled away, but grinned when I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, turned it off, and tossed it on the counter.  "Let's eat," I suggested.

"It can wait," Liv said, raising her eyebrows suggestively and reaching for me.

I caught her hands and said, "It could, and there are very few things I want more than to go upstairs with you right now.  But it's been a really long time since I've gotten to sit down and eat with you when the food is still hot, and that sounds really nice right now."

"I can hardly argue with that," she said, smiling.

Dinner was amazing.  The food was good, of course, but it felt so good to sit and eat with Liv.  We spent an hour at the table talking and catching up on the week.  "I'll take care of these dishes--" I started, when we were finally done.

"Don't you dare," Liv said, grinning mischievously.  "I mean, I won't stop you from doing them later, but for now, I demand that you continue to pay attention to me."

I pushed my chair back from the table as my beautiful wife approached me.  She stood between my knees and ran a finger down my tie before taking a step closer and pushing her fingers into my hair.  "You don't have to tell me twice," I told her, looking up at her hungrily.  I stood and pulled her close to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist.  "Let's go upstairs."

My eyes wandered as I followed Liv upstairs.  She spun around to face me and grinned as I walked into our bedroom behind her.  I slid a hand around her waist but she shoved me hard onto the bed.  I raised my eyebrows as she climbed onto the bed and straddled me.  "All that time at the gym has clearly paid off," I teased her.  "You've never been able to push me around quite so easily."

Liv responded by grabbing my hands from her waist and pinning them on the bed near my head.  She leaned down and kissed along my jaw and down my neck.  "Well then, you'd better be careful, hmmm?"

She may have been stronger than she was, but she was still tiny.  With one movement, I swung my legs up and to the right, easily moving us sideways and tipping her off me.  Two more seconds and I had her on her back, her legs pinned wide by my knees and her wrists caught in my left hand.  "Now who's in a compromising position?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her from above.

"Actually," she said casually, "you're right where I want you."

I laughed and leaned down to kiss her.  She kissed me back hungrily.  It felt so good to kiss her like this.  It made me wish I was finished with my restructuring now so we could do this every night.  "Hey," Liv said, sliding her hands up my chest to rest on either side of my face.  "What's on your mind?"

"Just realizing how much I miss this," I replied, dropping my face to her neck.  "And counting down the days until I don't have to miss it anymore."  I kissed down her throat and worked my way up one collarbone.  She moaned softly and I grinned against her shoulder.  I missed that sound.  I dragged my tongue along the hollow where her collarbone met her shoulder, drawing another soft moan.

"I miss it too," she said, pressing her hips up towards mine.  "I--ohhh."  Her sentence was cut off by my fingers playing against one breast.

"You what?" I asked, my fingers stilling.  "You were saying something?"

"Shut up," she replied using one hand to pull my face towards hers.  I did as she wanted, happily.

*

"Pete!" I called, seeing him walk past my office on Thursday morning.  He stepped inside my office and motioned to the door.  "Open is fine," I replied.  "Come on in."

"What's up?" he asked, crossing the threshold and sitting down in a chair next to my desk.  I didn't like sitting across from people, whether staff or client.  It created a power differential that I didn't care for.  I preferred to run my business with respect, not power and fear.  I had worked for someone who used power and fear to run his business long enough to know it wasn't for me.  The only time I sat across the desk from someone was when I was firing them.  Which I hadn't had to do for quite some time, thankfully.

"How was your vacation?" I asked, getting up and pouring myself some more coffee.  "Do you want some?"

"Sure," he replied.  I brought him a cup.  "It was great.  Serena and I had a really nice time.  Thanks again for covering my clients while I was gone.  I was glad to hear there were no issues."

I nodded.  "Glad to do it, vacations are important.  Keeps you sharp."

"I didn't think you would know," he quipped, raising his eyebrows at me.  I laughed.  Only Pete or Neil could get away with that.

"That's why I've got you here, actually," I said.  "I'd like to take my wife to the cabin this weekend.  Can I leave you in charge?"

Pete considered this.  "Only on one condition," he said.

I cocked an eyebrow.  "I'll hear your condition, but I beg you to remember who's in charge here.  At least  until I leave for the weekend."

Pete laughed and I cracked a smile.  "I will never forget who's in charge here.  My condition is that you take tomorrow off for your weekend away."

My second eyebrow joined the first.  "Are you staging a coup?"

"If I was, I wouldn't tell you," he pointed out.  "But I'm not.  With all due respect, boss, I can tell you're fried.  Take the day.  I mean, I'll cover you either way.  But things are coming along nicely.  Everyone is moved into their new offices, the teams are formed, we only have a few openings left to fill.  You've been working 80 hours a week.  I'm offering to cover you so you can take a day off.  Or, three days, actually."

"Can I let you know?" I asked him.

"Sure can," Pete replied.  "Anything else?"  I shook my head and he left.

I glanced at my computer, my email open on the screen.  During the course of the 4 minute conversation I'd just had with Pete, I'd collected 15 new emails.  With a sigh, I stabbed at the button on the bottom right corner of the screen and turned the monitor off.  I stood and stretched, then took a walk.  In offices all down the hallway, my employees--both old and new--were working hard.  Some were on the phone, some were typing away, and some doors were closed, surely concealing a client meeting.  I paused and turned in a full circle, admiring the sounds of my successful business.

"Kira?" I said, sticking my head in my assistant's office.  I'd gone through 3 before finding Kira, who not only could keep up but also didn't allow me to work her to death.  She looked up, solemn and expectant.  "I'm heading over to the other site.  I'll be back in a bit, and you can stay here.  Can you just take messages for my calls?  And can you log into my emails and handle any that don't actually need me?"

"You've got it," she said.

"And can you send an email out to all the staff at both locations, letting them know that I'm bringing in lunch for everyone?"

Her eyes were already on her computer and seconds later she looked up.  "Done.  Anything else?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding.  "Go home early today.  Thank you for your hard work."

She cracked a rare smile.  "Thank you," she said.  "Is 4 okay?"

"How about 2?" I called over my shoulder as I walked back to my office to grab my keys.

The drive to my new office took 20 minutes, not bad.  I parked in my reserved spot, which I hadn't really wanted but had to admit was convenient.  We had the entire building here, a three story structure with plenty of conference rooms, which the other space was seriously lacking.  I bypassed the employee entrance and walked in the front door.  This site was going to be where most of the client interaction would happen, and I wanted to feel the full effect.  I walked into a warmly appointed lobby that held comfortable chairs and couches, plenty of plants, and some art that wasn't quite my taste but everyone else seemed to like.

"Welcome to--oh!  Mr. Adler, hello!"  Anna, one of two of our front desk staff here greeted me.  Nate, the other, was on the phone.  "Did you forget your key?  Do you need one for the day?"

"Hi, Anna," I said, nodding to Nate, who returned the silent greeting without missing a beat of his conversation.  "No, I didn't forget my key, I just wanted to make sure to stop by and say hi on my way in.  Everything good here?"

"It's been a bit hectic today, to be honest," she said.  "But no issues, just busy."

"Glad to hear it," I said.  "You're both doing a great job, thank you.  I appreciate it."  Nate and Anna were both relatively new, and they were good.  I wanted to make sure they knew that I knew it.

"Thank you, Mr. Adler," Anna replied.

"Could you do me a favor?  I'm ordering lunch for everyone."  I handed her the takeout menu I'd grabbed from my desk on the way out.  "Could you or Nate get everyone's orders for me, please?  I'll place the order and pick everything up, I just need some help with collecting the orders."

"Of course," she said.

Nate, who was off the phone now, nodded.  "Good to see you," he said.  I grinned and headed to the elevator.  At the last second I veered off and hit the stairs instead.  I walked up to the second floor and wandered down the halls, stopping to check in with my employees that weren't on the phone or otherwise occupied.

As I made my way up to the third floor, I realized that Pete was right.  Everything was falling into place.  Seeing the results helped ease the toll of my 80 hour work weeks and missing Liv.  It also made me even more grateful for her support.  She didn't ask to spend the first year of marriage only seeing her husband for an hour before bedtime and a few hours on the weekend.  Of course, it hadn't always been as bad as it had been for the past couple months.  There had been weeks at a time when we had dinner together every night.  It just had been awhile.

After taking a walk around the third floor, which was mostly conference rooms and my office, I took the employee elevator down to the other side of the first floor.  I nodded to the construction crew.  Hidden safely away from the lobby, I was putting in a fitness center for my employees.  We were expanding, but we were still a small business, and as such, I had fewer options to offer them for health insurance and retirement plans.  I focused on offering the best benefits I was able to and getting creative where I needed to.  I wanted to be a company that people wanted to work for.  As successful as I'd been so far, we were still young and new and every single person in either of these buildings was taking a chance on me.

I looked around one more time, and I knew that I also needed to put the same care into my relationship.  Just like everyone here, Liv had also taken a chance on me, and I had no intention of letting her down.  I ignored the 3 missed calls on my cell phone and called Pete.  "I'm going to take you up on tomorrow.  What are your thoughts on Monday too?"

The Reunion: A Recap

Hi all, I am so excited to be writing this post!  For those of you who might not read In All The Wrong Places, I will be doing a few "reunion" posts here for fun!  Here is the plan:  This post will be a brief catch-up on what our favorite characters were up to when the blog ended.  The recap here will focus on pre-baby and pre-final wrap post, so we'll be starting shortly after Liv and Brody's wedding.  Then, because people were pretty split about what they'd like, I plan to do a few pre-pregnancy posts and a few-post baby posts.  I'm going to try to do at least one post in each time period from each character.  Honestly?  I'm going to hit the high points.  The fun posts to write.  The big things that are happening.  So if there's anything that you really want to see how it played out, post it in the comments.  As always, no promises, but I'll try to accommodate your requests as much as I can.  Alright, on to the recaps.  I didn't edit them, so I apologize if they're a bit jumbled.  Also, recaps are hard to write!  I tried to capture the important things from the last few months of the blog.  If you have questions post them in the comments!  I'm hoping to have a post up later this week.

Liv and Brody:  Liv and Brody just got married (obviously) and went on a ridiculous but enviable honeymoon to a private Fijian island.  When they got back, they adopted a dog that one of Brody's employee's family members was rehoming (Eddie).  Brody purchased some additional office space and was preparing to do some major restructuring and expanding of his business, while eventually paring down his own duties to allow him some more time to spend with Liv and their potential-eventual-family.  Liv was offered a new position at her job, providing therapy within a school.  The new job means she's off most of the summers and is working really independently.  She was preparing herself for Brody to be ridiculously busy for about a year while he restructured and got things in place to give himself a more reasonable schedule.  Liv and Brody hosted their first holiday together (Thanksgiving) and Brody flew Liv's parents out to be there as a surprise.  Liv and Ken, Brody's brother, had had a rocky start but are now getting along much better.  Brody's sister (Jen) loves Liv, as does his mom.

Lauren and Alex:  Alex and Lauren took a disastrous Thanksgiving trip to Savannah to visit Alex's parents.  Alex's mom invites the neighbor and his adult daughter, and it quickly becomes clear that she's trying to set Alex up with the daughter in an effort to replace Lauren.  Alex is completely oblivious and he and Lauren get into a fight about it.  In the morning, after a conversation with his mom, he realizes Lauren was right, has it out with his mom, and they leave.  Despite Lauren never wanting to get married or have kids, Alex gets her a 'just be with me forever' emerald and diamond ring, which he gives to her when they're just about to have sex, in a very Alex and Lauren sort of way.  She chooses to wear on her left hand.  Lauren's new boss is inappropriate, touching her and flirting with her despite her repeatedly telling him not to.  Eventually, he begins to take her work away and starts to change her position to something completely different.  Meanwhile, Alex and the guys go on a ski trip and Alex gets seriously injured.  Lauren and Alex's mom come to a tenuous truce in the hospital, and then Lauren throws herself into taking care of him, but Alex struggles with whether or not she's truly in it for the long haul.  This could be partially because at work, Lauren's boss attempts to change her job description and Lauren quits on the spot.  She eventually finds out that he had logged into her email and sent HR an email from her account, asking for the change in job duties.  They offer her job back, but she negotiates an impressive severance package instead.  Not much later, her former boss and employer is on the front page of the paper for a sexual harassment scandal.  After another fight about Lauren's struggle with commitment, she and Alex decide to move in together.

Kinsley and Damien:  Kinsley struggled with her relationship with Damien from the beginning.  They had broken up once earlier in the story when Damien and Kinsley's views on family and boundaries clashed significantly. When Kinsley's story picks up after the conclusion of Liv's, she finds out that her mom was in the hospital after an overdose.  For once, Kinsley was grateful for Damien's unflappable calm.  She finally ended up telling him about her family, revealing indirectly why she has such impenetrable walls up and is often flighty and hard for him to understand.  Through the interactions with her parents in the hospital, especially her mom, we see that Kinsley's parents are both manipulative and self-serving (not unlike Kinsley).  Once the dust settles, Kinsley panics about being so vulnerable and tries to push Damien away again.  Despite everything, she makes an effort with her mom, going to visit.  During one of those visits, they have a blowout that ends with Kinsley's mom calling her a stupid little tramp, and we don't hear from Kinsley's mom again after that.  After a chat with Liv, Kinsley talks to Damien instead of shutting him out, continuing to work on being a better partner.  Surprisingly enough, Kinsley begins to get close to Damien's family as well--especially his mom and his niece and nephew.  Kinsley and Damien spend part of Thanksgiving with his family and part of it with Kinsley's dad.  Kinsley is surprised by the presence of her brother (that she hadn't seen in 17 years--since he went to prison when he was 18 for theft and vehicular assault), and doesn't handle it well.  A confrontation with her dad leads to Kinsley and Damien leaving.  Kinsley starts to rebuild her relationship with her brother while cutting off contact with her parents.  Knowing that Kinsley has been on family overload, Damien suggests they spend Christmas weekend away together, showing that he's getting much better at compromising with family things.  A bit after Christmas, Kinsley ends up running into Cole, the man she'd been sleeping with when she and Damien had been broken up.  He kissed her and she panicked, frantically telling Damien that night.  Damien handles it well, believing that Cole did it and Kinsley didn't want anything to do with it, but Kinsley struggles with feeling like she's not good enough, making her start to sabotage things.  Eventually, she takes some time to herself, pushes herself outside her comfort zone, and starts to become comfortable with herself.  She and Damien end up staying together.

Liv: The Finale

I have so many feelings about this final post and wrapping up this blog.  It's been 19 months, over 300 posts, and so many different characters' stories.  Can you even believe it?  I can't.  I can't thank you guys enough for all your feedback, kind comments, emails, and loyalty.  You all kick so much ass.  To take the some of the sting out of the very end of Liv's (and Lauren's and Kinsley's, of course!) story, I'll be posting a bonus over on In All the Wrong Places tomorrow.   Thanks for taking this crazy ride with me!
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5(ish) YEARS LATER...

I cocked my hip out to rest Celia on so I could free one hand to knock on Kinsley and Damien's door.  At almost 3 years old (and built like Brody, not me) she was getting too big for me to carry for too long, but she'd just gotten up from a nap and was too groggy (and crabby) to walk.  That changed when Damien answered the door with a tiny baby in his arms.  Celia immediately lifted her head from where it had been nestled on my shoulder.  "Mommy, a baby," she whispered loudly to me.

I laughed and Damien grinned.  "Yes, sweetheart," I told her.  "Remember I told you we were coming to help a friend with her baby today?"  She shook her head, her dark curls brushing my jaw as she did.  

"Hi," I said to Damien, turning my attention to him and the baby as I stepped inside.  Once inside, I put Celia down and she stood patiently next to me, occasionally rising onto her tip toes to peer up at the small bundle Damien was holding.

"Hi, thanks for coming over," he replied, leading me and Celia into the living room.  

"Kinsy!" Celia yelped, seeing Kinsley on the couch.  I tried to shush her but she was already bouncing loudly over to Kinsley.

"Sorry," I apologized.  "Babysitter fell through and Brody's down helping his mom with something today."

"Don't be," Kinsley said, wrapping an arm around Celia and hugging her.  Celia tolerated it for about 3 seconds before she wriggled away.

She came back over to me and tugged my shirt.  "Mommy, wanna hold the baby."  

"Let's hold him together, Cee," I suggested.  She seemed satisfied with that and waited patiently until I got settled in an armchair next to the couch.  I lifted her into my lap, and once she was settled, Damien carefully placed Nicholas in our arms.  I supported his head while Damien helped Celia get her little arms in the right place.  

"Tank you Mr. Damien," Celia said, once we were settled.  She stumbled over his name, and I tried not to laugh at how adorable it was.  She had started calling him Mr. Damien months ago, and none of us had any idea why.  Toddlers.

"Good manners, Celia," I praised her.  

Nicholas's face squished up and then relaxed again, and I gazed down at him.  He was a little over 2 weeks old and definitely still a floppy, squishy, adorable newborn.  I smiled as I watched his lips work in his sleep.  

From the couch, Kinsley laughed softly.  "What?" I asked, looking over at her.  She looked far better than she deserved to just two weeks after giving birth to Nicholas.  

"You want another one, don't you?" she asked.  "I see how you're looking at him.  Don't get any ideas, I worked hard for this one."  And she had.  Kinsley's pregnancy and birth experiences had been the exact opposite as mine.  She'd been sick through the whole pregnancy, and blood pressure issues had landed her on bed rest at 32 weeks.  But once she went into labor, it went fast and without issues and she went from her water breaking to delivering him in less than 3 hours.  

"I do want another one," I admitted, being sure to keep my voice down to not wake the baby.  Celia was staring at him, absolutely entranced.  "Not yet, though.  Maybe once this one starts school."

"Who, me?" Celia asked, suddenly aware of the conversation around her.  

"Yes, you," I told her.  She craned her neck around to look at me and wrinkled her nose.  I laughed.

"Well," Kinsley said, stifling a yawn.  "That's great for you, but I'm never doing this again.  So I sure hope Damien is cool with Nick being an only child."

We both looked at Damien, who didn't miss a beat when he said, "I think I'm going to go run those errands now."  Kinsley smirked as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.  

Celia was starting to get antsy, so I shifted the sleeping baby so she could climb off my lap.  She immediately started hunting for Mowgli, Damien and Kinsley's big tiger-striped cat.  "Mooowgoli," she called softly.  "Kitty kitty!"  

"Mowgli heard you coming from a mile away, kid," Kinsley said under her breath.  "You'll never find him."  I laughed, surprising Nicholas.  His eyes flew open and he made a brief, unhappy sound before falling back to sleep.

"Liv, can I shower while you're here?" Kinsley asked.  "It's been....well, a few days.  Let's just leave it at that."

"Of course," I told her.  "Take a bath if you want.  And a nap.  Just let me run out to the car and grab the things I brought to entertain Celia.  I'm here all afternoon, whether you like it or not.  Take advantage of it."

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world," Kinsley said dramatically.  "Seriously, thank you."  

I handed the baby over to her and ran out to the car to get the stuff I'd brought for Celia.  When I came back in, Kinsley had Nicholas down in the Pack 'n Play in the living room.  He was still sleeping away.  She showed me where to find bottles, formula, and diapers, then disappeared upstairs.  

While Kinsley took a bath and napped, I washed their dishes, sorted the laundry in the laundry room and started a load, cleaned the half bathroom on the main level, swept and mopped the kitchen and living room, dusted, and straightened up.  Celia knelt in front of the coffee table and colored, then helped me dust.  I paused in the middle to feed and soothe an unhappy Nicholas.  He was awake now, and after I changed him I laid him down on his playmat where he could see me and talked to him while I folded clothes.  Celia sat on the floor next to him and entertained him for awhile too.

I was in the middle of folding the second load of laundry when Damien came home with groceries.  He looked around and said, "Kinsley is never going to let you leave."  I had Celia pairing socks as I folded shirts and pants.  "Also, if you can come back when Nicholas is two and teach us to how to get him to help with chores, that would be great."

"She loves it," I said with a shrug, watching her lean over the edge of the laundry basket, happily searching for socks.  "I'm sure it won't last forever, though."  

Damien put the groceries away and then came back into the living room.  "You've been busy, Liv.  Thank you.  I can take care of the rest."

"Don't be ridiculous," I told him.  "I came to help.  Kinsley is upstairs napping.  You could do the same.  Or if you have something else you've been wanting to get done, go for it.  Celia and I have everything under control.  And Lauren had mentioned maybe stopping by this afternoon, so you might as well relax now."

"Oh, that's right!" Damien exclaimed.  "She asked me to make some room in the freezer.  I guess she's bringing some food.  So I'll do that, and then I think I might take you up on that nap."  Before going downstairs to the freezer, he crouched down next to Nicholas and talked to him for a minute.  Then he leaned down and kissed him lightly on the head and headed down to clear some room in the freezer.

"Mommmmmmy," Celia whined, flopping onto the floor on her back.  "Wanna go outside!"

"Maybe when Lauren gets here we can go outside for a few minutes," I told her.  She continued to whine and I calmly paused my folding, took more paper and crayons out of the bag I had brought, and said, "Celia, come draw me a pretty picture."  She stopped whining and seemed to consider this, then rolled onto her side, sat up, and scurried over to the coffee table.  She happily talked to me about what she was drawing while I folded laundry with one eye on her picture and one eye on the baby.

I was just finishing up folding when Lauren knocked and then let herself in.  "Look at you," she said teasingly.  "A regular Suzy Homemaker.  Are you practicing for number 2?"

I rolled my eyes at her.  "The questions never stop.  Never ever.  First it's 'when are you getting married?'  Then it's 'when are you having a baby?'  Then it's 'when are you going to give your baby a sibling?'"

Lauren smirked and replied, "At least you won't hear, 'are you guys ever going to get married?' forever and ever."

"Well," I said, grinning at her, "are you?"

"You're the worst," she said.

"Not nice!" Celia piped up, seeming to just realize that Lauren was there.  She looked surprised as she looked up from her picture.

"You're right.  Sorry, Cee," Lauren apologized as I smirked.

Celia frowned.  "Say sorry to mommy," she demanded.

"Celia, it's okay," I told her.  "And please use your manners."

Celia narrowed her eyes briefly in a shockingly good side-eye at Lauren, then turned to her and said, "Say sorry to mommy, please."  I bit my lip to keep from laughing, and looked at Lauren expectantly.

Lauren threw her hands up and said, "Sorry, Liv."

"Apology accepted," I replied, grinning.  Celia smiled and clapped, then went back to her picture.

"That kid, man," Lauren said softly.  "You're going to have your hands full."

"I don't know if it would be better for her to be like me or Brody," I admitted.  "So far she's an awful lot like me, though.  It's only slightly terrifying."

"I'll stick to 'raising' my child-like employees," Lauren said.  Lauren hadn't been unemployed for long, landing a great job at a small, newer company a couple months after she quit.  When the investigation at her former employer turned into a huge scandal that included a class action lawsuit against the company, she had actively avoided any part of it, and soon after got the new job.  She had been there since, and was now a mid-level supervisor.

I paused as Damien came up the stairs and greeted Lauren.  He chatted for a little while, and I watched Celia get up from her seat at the coffee table, go over by Nicholas, who was sleeping again, and curl up on the floor.  "Want a pillow, Cee?" I asked her.

"I not sleeping, mommy," she informed me firmly.

"Oh," I replied.  I grabbed a small throw pillow from the couch and Damien handed me a blanket and I set them down next to her.  "Well, in case you want to get more comfortable."  She ignored the blanket and pillow until I lifted the sleeping baby from the floor and went back to sit on the couch, then she yanked the blanket over her legs and nestled her head on the pillow.  She was out cold by the time Damien headed upstairs to nap.

Lauren took the freezer crock pot meals she'd prepared downstairs and put them in the freezer, then came back up.  "Want to hold him?" I asked her, already knowing what she'd say.

"No way," she responded.  "I'd probably break him."  She did touch his soft, fine dark hair and smile, but that was the extent of her attention to the baby.

"Have you guys talked to Alex's parents yet?" I asked.  Lauren had worked hard to try to form relationships with Alex's parents, but at Christmas they'd apparently had a huge blowout over Alex and Lauren's choice to not get married.

She groaned.  "No, I haven't.  Alex has a couple times, but he said they've just pretended that it didn't happen and they ignore my existence unless Alex brings me up directly.  If they think we're going to get married just to please them, they've got another thing coming."

Cautiously, I asked, "What does Alex think of it all?"

"He's pretty mad at them.  He's really embraced this whole not getting married thing, and it's almost like his parents pushing back has convinced him even more.  He's so oppositional sometimes."

Lauren and I talked quietly on the couch until Kinsley came down, looking clean and groggy.  "That was the best and worst nap I've ever taken," she declared, reaching for Nicholas.  I handed him over.  "Best because that was probably the longest I've slept at once in 3 months, and worst because I woke up."

"If you hadn't woken up, you'd be dead," Lauren pointed out helpfully.

Kinsley rolled her eyes and eyed up Celia on the floor.  "I wish I could sleep anywhere like a kid," she said wistfully.

"One day, shortly after going back to work at the end of my maternity leave, I actually did just shut my door and take a nap in the armchair in my office," I said.

"Oh good, I have so much to look forward to," Kinsley said, laughing.  "Except I don't have an armchair in my office, so I guess I'm going to have to practice napping under desks."

"I have a couple employees that could probably give you tips on that," Lauren offered.

It was nice to have some time to catch up with Lauren and Kinsley.  We were all so busy now that it was hard to find time to do the things we used to do. After waking up from her impromptu nap, Celia was stuck to me like glue and whiny, so I said my goodbyes and headed out with her.

I wasn't expecting Brody to be home from helping his mom yet, but his SUV was in the garage when I pulled in.  I got a cranky Celia out of her carseat, grabbed the rest of my stuff, and banged on the garage door with my elbow because my hands were full.  Luckily, Brody opened the door for me just seconds later.

He kissed my forehead and took some things out of my hands.  When he leaned in, Celia grabbed a fistful of his shirt and whined, "Daaaaddddyyyyy."

"Hi, honey," he said, kissing her head.  "I missed you and your mommy today."  He gave me a questioning look.

"I think she's getting sick," I guessed.  "At Kinsley's house she laid down on the floor and just fell asleep for almost an hour."  I pressed my cheek to her forehead briefly but she didn't feel hot. Brody set down the stuff he'd taken from me and I handed off Celia to him.  My heart melted a little when she cuddled happily against his chest.

I put away the stuff I'd brought to entertain her today and then peeked in on them.  Brody had her in his lap on the couch, and he was reading her a story.  I smiled to myself as he did voices for the different characters and she giggled.

I stood and watched them for several minutes until Brody looked back at me and motioned me over to the couch with a smile and a tip of his head.  I took just a few seconds more to observe and appreciate the two people that I loved most in the world, then finally went into the living room to join them.

It's finally here!

Guys, the full first post of In All the Wrong Places is up!  I'm so excited.  If you read the sneak peek here, don't worry--there's more that you haven't yet read in the first post.  If you haven't already, go check it out here!

Kinsley: Someday

This is it!  Kinsley's last post.  As soon as I post this, I'm going to start the finale post, which will take a future jump and be from Liv's perspective.  It will be posted by the end of the day next Saturday, possibly sooner.  As much as I've loved writing Liv, Lauren, and Kinsley's stories, I'm looking forward to wrapping it up.  Writing a long, drawn out story is hard.  I know you guys will miss this blog, and I'm so grateful to you all for making this such a well-loved story.  I really hope you'll love the new one just as much.
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The dread I felt as I left Lauren's house subsided as I walked towards Damien's car.  I figured one of two things were about to happen:  I'd tell him everything and he would decide I wasn't worth the work, or I'd tell him everything and we'd be good and that would be that.  I wasn't sure how realistic those options were, but it was calming at the time, so I didn't argue.

But as soon as Damien got out and opened the passenger side door for me, the worry came creeping back in.  "Hi," I said softly as I accepted Damien's hand that he held out to help me into his truck.  "Thanks for picking me up."

"You're welcome," he replied.  He didn't sound happy, but he didn't sound mad.  He just sounded like Damien.

We were both quiet as he drove us to my house.  I was surprised.  I guess I just assumed we'd end up at his house.  Then I got even more worried, because I realized that this way he wouldn't have to bring me home when we broke up.  He'd be able to just leave.  Leave, and go on with his life.

It was 8:30 by the time we got to my house.  My buzz was wearing off and I just felt ridiculous and very tired.  The beginning of a nasty headache was pulsing at my temples.  Why gin, Kinsley?  Ugghh.

We got inside and Damien gave me a weird look.  "Are you drunk?" he asked.

"No," I replied.  He raised an eyebrow.  I rubbed my forehead and clarified.  "I was drunk, now I'm just pathetic and ridiculous."

"You're not--" he started to argue, but I cut him off with a shake of my head.

"No, don't," I told him.  "It doesn't matter.  Let's just...can we sit?"  We were both still standing in the entryway of my place

"Yes," he replied, nodding.  He had his game face on, and I had no idea what he was feeling.  It was already making me more anxious.

Once we were sitting down, I said, "Look, I have a lot to say, and I'm not sure how well I'll handle your calmness tonight.  So, if you've got feelings about something, maybe you could try to show it a little?"

His face relaxed slightly, and concern creased his forehead.  "I'll try," he said.  "It's kind of my default mode in a stressful situation, so if it happens, I'm not doing it on purpose, I promise."

I nodded.  That was good enough for me.  I shut my eyes briefly.  So far this conversation was awkward and forced and formal.  "I don't really know where to start," I admitted.  "I just realized a whole lot of things about myself about an hour ago, which sounds really stupid, but it's true.  And it's hard to put it all into words that make sense to someone else."  I bit my lip and looked up at Damien.

He nodded encouragingly, and I opened my mouth and everything came tumbling out.  "I've never been good enough for anyone.  Ever.  I wasn't good enough for my mom to want to take care of me, or my dad to want to keep our family together.  I wasn't good enough to keep my brother out of jail.  They all left me.  Every single one of them.  Lauren and Kendra are the friends I've had the longest, and they're just from the very end of college.  Everyone leaves me, or else I leave them before they can do it themselves.  I've learned to be okay with it, because I just don't get attached to people."

Damien started to talk but I held up a finger.  I wasn't quite finished.  "I used to hate myself.  I really did.  I figured I must be a pretty shitty person if my own parents didn't love me enough to care about what happened to me when I was a kid.  But once I figured out how to live my life in a way that made sense to me, I actually started liking myself.  Then I met you.  And you didn't fit with how I was living my life.  And I started to wonder if what I had been doing really did make sense to me, because I actually seemed to like this new thing better.  For a little while, it was okay.  It was great, actually.  But somewhere along the way I fucked up and got attached to you.  And then you left.  So then I got back to feeling like I'm not good enough.  And at least if I fuck things up, it'll be my fault and not just because you suddenly realized I'm not good enough."

Damien stared at me.  He looked confused.  He didn't say anything for a long time, and I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead on my knees, because I couldn't even look at him anymore.  

Finally, he spoke.  "Kinsley," he said softly.  He waited until I raised my head and reluctantly made eye contact with him.  "I am not in the business of loving people that I consider 'not good enough', in your words.  I could sit here and tell you all the reasons I think you're a great match for me, all the reasons I love you, and why I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough for you.  But I'm not going to, because it doesn't matter.  I could tell you all those things, but they shouldn't have any bearing on how you feel about yourself.  You should think you're good enough regardless of what I think.

"And you're right.  I did leave, and it was one of the stupidest things I've ever done, but there's nothing I can do about that now except to tell you that I was wrong and I'm sorry and I love you."  With that, he stopped talking.

Now it was my turn to silently stare.  I don't know what I had been expecting, but it wasn't this.  I expected to be angry that he wasn't validating me and telling me all the reasons I'm good enough, but I wasn't.  He's right, it means little coming from him if I don't believe it.  And it's not his job to make me feel good about myself.

"Well..." I said finally.  "Now what?"

"That's up to you," Damien said gently.  "If you need some time to figure out what you want to do, you can have it.  I want to be with you, but I don't want you to feel stuck in a relationship where you don't ever feel good enough."

I considered this.  I know I wanted to stay with Damien, but I also didn't want to be stuck in a relationship where I didn't feel good enough.  I knew it was my issue and not his.  "I don't want to break up," I told him honestly, "but if you can give me some time to work a few things out in my head so I can be fully in this relationship without trying to sabotage it or feeling shitty about myself, that would be for the best."

"Okay," he said.  "I can do that."  He shifted as if he was going to get up.

"Wait," I said, stopping him.  "I know that I have to figure my shit out, but will you tell me what you want?"

He smiled.  "I want to marry you someday.  When we're both ready.  I want to be your husband and your partner.  I want to raise a family with you.  And I want you to be happy with whatever you decide, and I don't want either of us to have any regrets or question it."

I expected to feel panic at the thought of getting married and starting a family, but I didn't.  I felt a smile playing at the corners of my lips and realized I loved the idea.  I smiled at Damien.  "Thanks for sharing that," I said.  It sounded silly, but I knew he was being vulnerable by telling me that right now, and I appreciated it.

We both stood and I walked him to the door.  At the door we hugged, staying with our arms wrapped around each other for a long time.  "Look," I said, once we separated.  "Don't freak out if I fall off the radar completely for a little while, okay?  I promise I'll reach out when I get my shit together.  It won't be more than two weeks."

"I can live with that," Damien responded.  "It helps to have a time frame."

We stood awkward for several seconds, until he put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me.  The kiss was soft and gentle but I could feel the emotion behind it.  I gripped his forearms, holding his hands in place against my face as I kissed him back.  Finally, we pulled apart and he looked down as he put his hand on the doorknob.  "I'll see you in a couple weeks?" he asked.

"Yes," I said firmly.  "You will."

He nodded and left, and for a second I felt panicked and alone.  I reached for my phone, and in that second I realized that I needed to be okay with being alone before I could be okay truly being with someone else.

The last time I'd been alone had been after Kaleb went to jail and I was stuck at home with a drug-addicted mother and an absent, philandering father.  All "alone" meant to me was fear, uncertainty, and knowing that I wasn't anyone's priority.  After high school graduation and before Damien, I filled my time with friends and flings and strangers to avoid those same feelings.  Lauren was right.  She truly enjoyed having sex with whoever she wanted, and she did it for fun.  I had sex with whoever I wanted to prove a point, manage my emotions, and validate myself.

Once I realized this, I did the most logical thing that I could think of.  I sent my boss an email, begging for some time off of work.  It was tax season, and usually we avoided taking time off at this time of year.  Luckily, it was still early enough that after promising my boss the next day that I'd do some work while I was away, he granted me three days off: Friday, Monday, and Tuesday.  After work, I did what anyone in my situation would do, and I booked myself a room at a tiny, adults only all-inclusive resort in Mexico--far away from the party spots, of course.  Because it was so last minute and all the bigger resorts were booked, I paid a ridiculous amount for the room and the flight, but I was hoping it would be worth it.

Taking myself on a sweet vacation seemed like a good way to either self-destruct or remember the things I actually liked about myself.  At the moment, it seemed like it would be a toss up, but either way it would make my decision easy.

By the time I got to the resort on Friday, I was so wound up with nervous energy.  I was pretty sure I was going to regret taking a 4 day trip to Mexico by myself.  During tax season, no less.  But I had to do something different, and this certainly qualified.

By lunchtime on Saturday, I was a mess.  I decided my plan was backfiring.  I hadn't even left my room yet.  I couldn't bear to go out to the pool or the beach when both were full of happy couples that were enjoying their vacations.  I glared out the window at the pool angrily, then pulled my laptop out.  I grabbed a beer from the fridge in the room, cracked it open, and drank it as I got my computer connected to the painfully slow wireless.

I managed 3 hours of work before I got frustrated with the slow internet service.  I wandered back to the window.  The pool area wasn't quite as busy as it was before.  I was dying to get out in the sun, so I pulled one of my swimsuits out of my suitcase, grabbed one of the magazines I'd brought along, and managed to leave my room.  I threw a sidelong glance at my phone on the way out.  I wanted to take it with me to listen to music, but I knew if I turned it on I'd end up on social media or texting Lauren or Liv, and I needed to just detach.

It took over an hour at the pool to realize that no one was paying any attention to me.  No one was wondering why I was alone, judging me, or caring at all about whether or not I was there, taking up space.  It was a relief, and I relaxed a little bit.  Another hour was all I could take, though, and I headed back to my room.

Dinner was a whole different story.  I forced myself out of my room, but when the host at the restaurant I chose asked if it was just me, I almost turned around and left.  But I stayed, and while it wasn't the most comfortable meal I've ever eaten, at least I survived.

Over the next couple days, I relaxed even more.  By the time I had to pack up to catch my shuttle to the airport to go home, I was definitely ready to leave, but I was no longer miserable.  In fact, as I was handing off my suitcase to the shuttle driver, I thought to myself that I might enjoy taking another solo vacation again someday.

...someday.

_________________________

I do apologize for the cliffhanger (actually, that's mostly a lie), but I promise all will be wrapped up in the final post!  

Update

Hi all!  Sorry for the delay.  I'm working on Kinsley's post.  I hope to have it up tomorrow (Sunday).  At that point, I'll give you the ETA for the very last post from Liv's perspective, but my guess at this point is it won't be up until next weekend.