(Then) Lauren: Flustered

Hello, lovely readers!  A few things before we get to Lauren...  There has been a significant spike in my page views this week.  Not sure if they're new readers or repeat offenders, but welcome to anyone new!  I had a request for a post from Brody's perspective about the work/Liv/etc situation, and I am working on it.  I hope to have it up sometime on Saturday, so you can come back for that!  And last, I just wanted to thank you guys all so much for the wonderful comments I've received lately.  You guys really know how to make something go to a girl's head ;)  Seriously though, you all (commenters and just readers alike!) make this blog worth the effort I put in, so thank you all so much for reading and commenting!
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"My baby sister, she lives!" Amanda announces dramatically when she answers the phone.  It's Sunday morning, and I'm lazing across my bed in my robe, putting off getting dressed.

"Hi, Amanda," I reply.  "You have a phone and the ability to make calls too, you know."  I can almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"I'm not the one that just moved to your city," she states.  "Anyway, I want to see you.  I'm having a couple people over on Saturday.  I want you to come, but I want to see you sooner too.  Want to go shopping today?"

"I can't today," I reply.  "I'm watching football with a friend."  I leave out that it's a male friend, and that I just met him and can hardly call him a friend yet.

"Oh good," she breathes.

"'Oh good' what?"  I ask.

"I'm glad you're making friends.  I was a little worried," she admits.

"Wow, rude," I mutter, affronted.  "That's a hell of a thing to say to someone whose company you wish to enjoy."

"Sorry, Laur," she chirps, not sounding sorry at all.  "I'm always worried about you.  Don't be mad."  And of course, I can't be mad at Amanda, infuriating though she can be.

"Whatever, Amanda.  What's the plan for Saturday?"

"Just come over around 7.  We're doing games and stuff.  There will be food and booze, so don't bring anything.  Unless you want to bring a friend or two, that would be good!"

"I'll ask my roommate," I say.

"Good!" she responds.  We chat for a few more minutes, then I catch sight of the time and realize I need to finish getting dressed and ready.  I say goodbye and stand, walking to my closet.  I quickly dress, pulling on jeans and my Ahman Green jersey.  I pull my straightener through my hair a few times, then debate makeup.  I settle on a little mascara, blush, and just balm on my lips.

"You look good," Kendra comments, looking up from her desk, where she's doing some homework.

"Thanks," I reply, a little self-consciously.

I'm a little nervous as I walk to Alex's dorm, hoping that I'm not completely misreading the situation.  But I don't need to worry.  The day goes off without a hitch, and Alex is a great football watching buddy.  He doesn't do anything to make me think that this was more than just a friendly thing.  After my nerves dissolve, I realize I'm actually really comfortable with Alex in a way I haven't been with anyone besides Liv (much less with a guy) in a really long time.

I end up staying until halftime of the evening game.  I realize I'd better get back to my room if I'm going to pay any attention in my 8am class tomorrow.  Why didn't anyone tell me that a Monday 8am class was a poor choice?

"I'll walk with you," Alex says.

"You don't have to, it's not far," I protest.

"I don't care," he replies.  "It's dark.  I'm walking with you."  I roll my eyes but secretly I'm a little pleased.  It's been a long time since someone besides my mom or Liv has been concerned about my safety.  We walk in the dark, chatting about the day's games.  When we get to my dorm, he smiles.  "Thanks for keeping me company today.  It was fun watching football with you."

I smile back.  "Thanks for having me.  Your TV is way better than mine."  We stare at each other for a couple seconds, then I hurriedly say, "Well, goodnight," and turn and walk inside.

Kendra is not in the room when I get there, and I'm grateful, not wanting to answer her questions about how the day was.  Everything had been so comfortable until the awkward ending.  Oh well.

The week flies by and soon Kendra and I are getting ready to head to Amanda's apartment. She insists on doing my makeup, saying, "Maybe you'll meet a hot, older man of your dreams."  I try to tell her that I probably already know most of the people that will be there, but she doesn't budge.  I finally cave and let her.  In the end, I'm pleased with the results.  She didn't do anything crazy, and I'm glad.

We take a cab to Amanda's apartment and Amanda lets us in.  I look around, recognizing mostly everyone there, as I suspected I would.  Then my eyes stop on a familiar face.  Ron.  Holy shit.  In the back of my mind, I knew he might be here, but I had refused to acknowledge the possibility.  He smiles at me and I feel myself melting under his gaze.  Kendra elbows me, ruining the moment, and gives me a subtly questioning look.

I give her a tour of Amanda's place and take a moment to whisper, "That guy?  In the gray long sleeved shirt?  He...we..." How do I explain it?  I had never told anyone about Ron.  Not Amanda, though she suspected something, not Liv.  No one.  "We spent a lot of time together the summer I was out here," I finish rather lamely.  "I...liked him, I guess."

"Liked?" Kendra whispers.  "Past tense?"  The look on her face says she doesn't think it's past tense, and I might agree with her skepticism.  I shrug.   We're out of time as Amanda calls for me and we walk back into the living room.  I introduce Kendra to everyone and Amanda introduces us both to the couple people there I haven't met. 

I stumble through the night, trying to wrap my head around the way the my heart skipped when I saw Ron.  I manage to avoid anything but brief, polite exchanges with him until almost the end of the night.  Amanda is drunk, laughing on the couch with her friends.  Kendra is talking to one of Amanda's friends, oblivious to much of anything else.  I feel suddenly overwhelmed, and I'm walking down the hallway to take a breather in Amanda's room when I hear footsteps behind me.

I turn and see Ron.  "Hey," he says softly.

"Hi," I reply, barely able to meet his gaze for some reason.  He steps closer and stops a couple feet away from me.

"You look great," he says.  "I didn't know you were going to school here."

"I am," I say, unnecessarily. 

"I know," he replies, fighting the corners of his mouth, which are turning up into a teasing smile.  After several seconds, he asks, "Can I see you sometime?  Without all..." he waves his hand towards the ruckus in the living room, "this?"

"Ummm..." I mentally kick myself for losing such control of my senses by merely being in his presence.  He raises his eyebrows at my hesitation.  "Yeah, sure." 

He takes my outward ambivalence in stride and smiles.  "Tomorrow?  Dinner, maybe?"

I consider this.  I had told Alex I would watch football with him again tomorrow, but there was no reason I had to stay all day again.  "Sure," I reply.  We make plans for him to pick me up on campus at 7:00.  I'll have to leave right after the second game, but that should work.  I wonder briefly if this is a date.  I think it probably is.  I'm disappointed that I'm thrilled by the idea.

Kendra and I leave shortly after.  I don't tell her about the date.  I go straight to the bathroom to get ready for bed when we get back.  I don't know why I'm avoiding talking to her about it.

In the morning, I call Liv.  Before I can stop myself, I spill the entire story of Ron (including details from the summer I met him).  As an afterthought, I tell her about Alex.  She's silent for several seconds afterward, and I assume she's judging me.  Just as I'm about to change the subject, she says, "So you're watching football with one guy, and then going on a date with the other?  That's awesome, Lauren!"

"What?" I ask, completely confused.

"You heard me.  I said that's awesome.  Keep your options open, meet people.  There's nothing wrong with it.  Do you still like Ron?"

I hesitate. "I don't know," I answer honestly.  "Yes, maybe.  Probably.  I don't know."

"You're flustered.  You don't get flustered, so you must."

"Yes, because being unsure of my feelings clearly means that I like him," I reply, rolling my eyes.  Liv laughs.  We talk for awhile longer before I have go get ready.

I assume that I'll feel weird when I'm at Alex's, knowing that in just a few hours I'll be going on a date with someone else.  But instead, I feel oddly powerful.  I let him walk me back to my room after the second game, and I get there with 45 minutes to change and put on some more makeup for my...date.


I'm startled by a knock on my door at 6:55.  I open it and see Ron standing there, looking absolutely amazing in a striped button down and dark jeans.  He smiles.  "Hey...I was going to meet you downstairs," I say, thrown off by how good he looks and the fact that he's here when I was planning on him being downstairs.

"I know you were," he replies, bending slightly to kiss my cheek.  "I wanted to meet you up here.  You look beautiful.  I'm a little early, but you look ready.  Are you?"  I nod, feeling suddenly shy.   He takes my hand and I step out of the room, glad that Kendra is out somewhere with Christian.

We catch up over dinner, and once I get used to being in his presence again, it starts to feel familiar.  We talk easily, no awkwardness here.  After dinner, we wander around the neighborhood for nearly an hour, hand in hand.  When he finally drops me off at my dorm, I insist on him not bothering to park and walk me up.  I don't want to be tempted to invite him in.  He agrees finally, but gets out and opens my door.

When I step out, he catches me around the waist and pulls me against him.  "I'm glad you're here.  I want to see you again."

"Okay," I say.  I realize that wasn't a very good answer, and add, "I'd like that."  He smiles at me, then presses his lips lightly against mine.  He pulls back slightly, but I lean forward and kiss him again.  He wraps one arm tighter around my waist and his other hand pushes into my hair, tilting my head up further as my lips part against his.  Finally, what I spent an entire summer wanting, and it's worth every second of the wait.  I sigh in disappointment when it ends.

"When?" he asks.  I look blankly at him, my mind still reeling from our kiss.  "When can I see you again?" he clarifies. 

"Thursday?" I suggest.  He agrees and we make plans for Thursday.