(Then) Lauren: Pretty Lies

Whoops.  I was editing this for next Friday and accidentally posted it.  Apparently the universe wants you guys to have two Lauren posts today.  I won't fight it.  If you didn't see the post from earlier, Flustered, you should scroll down and read that first, because otherwise you'll be out of order.  Enjoy my mistake! :)
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I see Ron Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and the next Wednesday too.

"You are in loooooove," Kendra sings, as I come in late on Wednesday night.

I roll my eyes.  "Yes, completely in love with someone I've been on 5 dates with.  That seems like a reasonable assumption."

"Plus an entire summer of hanging out," she points out.  I shrug.  That was true.  "Are you seeing him again soon?"

"I'm going to his apartment on Friday," I say casually, as I change into my pajamas.

"To his apartment?" she asks.  "That sounds scandalous."

"I hope so," I say, shooting her a wicked grin.

Friday rolls around and I can't help but be a little nervous.  I show up at Ron's apartment at 8, and he immediately pulls me into a long kiss.  He made dinner, and it smells and looks amazing.  After a few bites I comment, "This is really good," with mild surprise.

"Thanks," he replies, smiling at me.  "I don't cook often, but I pull out the skills every once in awhile to impress a pretty girl."  I roll my eyes and continue eating.  His phone rings from the counter and he cringes.  "Sorry, let me turn that off."  He walks over to grab it and I see him frown at it before silencing it.  He slides it into his pocket and rejoins me at the table.

After dinner we somehow end up in his bedroom, on his bed, making out.  His hands tentatively slide under my shirt, and I pause to pull it off, encouraging him.  When his fingers move down to the button of my jeans, he pauses and says, "Do you want to keep going?"  I nod, and help him pull my pants off.  I tug his shirt up over his head and he loses his pants too.

Several minutes later, he asks, "Do you want to...?"

"Yes," I breathe eagerly.  I do want to.

"Have you ever?"

I roll my eyes at his and huff out a frustrated breath.  All the questions are irritating me.  All two of them.  "Yes," I reply.  He doesn't need to know that it was only once, and it was meaningless and not good, and that I sort of hate myself for it.

But this?  With Ron?  Was more than once, meaningful, fucking amazing, and I loved myself for it.  Afterwards, I'm completely worn out and fall asleep almost immediately, with Ron's arm locked around my waist, his breath warm against my neck.  I feel safe, wanted, comfortable, and truly happy.

When I wake up in the morning, he's not in bed.  I look around, confused, but then I hear his voice from outside the bedroom.  I get up quietly and quickly pull my clothes on.  When I walk out of the bedroom, I see he's on the phone.  His back is to me and he doesn't hear me approach, because he's too busy saying, "I know... I love you, baby."

I make an involuntary noise that's somewhere between a gasp and a choke, and Ron spins around.  He stares at me for a second and then hangs up the phone without a word to whoever is on the other end.

"Who was that?" I ask, my voice sounding a lot calmer than I feel.  I feel like I want to punch him, smash his phone, scream at him, and cry...not necessarily in that order.

"My sister," he replies quickly.  Too quickly.  The phone starts to ring in his hand and he quickly silences it.

I raise my eyebrows.  "You call your sister 'baby'?" I ask sarcastically.  "That's sick."  I'm even more furious that he would lie to me when I just caught him.  I'm not stupid.  Don't you dare act like I'm stupid.  I fight for control of myself, knowing that there is no way in hell I will let him see how upset I am.  He doesn't deserve to know what kind of power he has over me.

Knowing he's caught, he stammers, "Laur, it's not what you think."

"Oh good!" I reply.  "So I didn't just overhear you having a conversation with the girlfriend you've been keeping a secret from me."  My favorite armor is up again, temporarily dulling the aching hurt and betrayal that I feel, and the dry, sarcastic words slip easily off my tongue.  He looks shocked, and I realize that he's never seen my sarcasm.  Well, I guess we both just learned something new about each other.

"Please, let me explain," he begs, and there is something desperate in his eyes.  It's that look that makes me stand there and wait.  "I'm going to break up with her.  I just...haven't been able to yet."

Inexplicably, this makes me laugh.  I grab my purse from the table and say, "I'm leaving.  Bye, Ron.  Good luck with your 'sister'."

"Wait," he says.  "Let me drive you, at least."

I laugh again, rudely.  "Do you really think I want to spend any more time in your company?"  And I'm out the door.  Once I'm down the stairs I pull out my phone and call Amanda.  She doesn't pick up.  I curse and try again.  Still nothing.  I know Ron doesn't live far from her, so I start walking in the direction I think she lives in.  After several minutes of walking, I spot her building and walk to it.  With every step, I feel my armor crumbling, and I'm getting closer and closer to having a meltdown right here on the sidewalk.  I'm certain that this is the worst walk of shame in the history of Denver.

When I get there, I ring her buzzer.  "Hello?" she answers, sounding sleepy.

"Amanda, it's me, let me in," I say quickly, desperately.  She buzzes me in, and her door is open before I even knock.

"Lauren, are you okay?  What are you doing here?"

I slump down onto her couch.  "I was at Ron's," I say quietly.

"Ron's?"  She asks, confused.  "But...he has a girlfriend."

"Yeah, I know," I reply bitterly.  "At least, now I do."  This is the last shred of my protective sarcasm that survived the walk, and I cling to it desperately as Amanda's eyes search my face, struggling to wrap her head around the scene.

"Oh no," she murmurs, understanding dawning on her.  "Laur, did you sleep with him?"

That question is my undoing, and as my armor shatters, I start to cry.  These are not silent, graceful tears.  These are gut-wrenching, ugly sobs that wrack my whole body.  I struggle to pull my knees to my chest as I melt down, wanting to be a small as possible, because that's how I feel.  She sits down next to me and puts her arms around me.  "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry," she says soothingly.  I'm surprised she's not lecturing me.

"Please, can you just take me back to the dorm?" I choke out between sobs.

"Of course," she replies.  Neither of us move, and she continues to hold me, stroking my hair as every ounce of anger and hurt floods out my body through my tear ducts, leaving just a numb, empty feeling behind.  I wipe my eyes and nose hurriedly with the tissue Amanda hands me, and once I've calmed down enough, we leave.

When we pull up near my dorm, she turns concerned eyes on me.  "Lauren, do you want me to come up?" she asks.  She knows I don't like to be alone when I'm upset.

"No, Kendra should be there," I reply.  I love my sister, but I can't bear to look at her right now.  She leans over and hugs me again, kissing the top of my head, and now more tears are leaking out my eyes.  Why won't they stop?  Finally, I manage to pull away.  "Thanks," I mutter, before shutting the door and heading in.

As I walk towards my room, the door suddenly opens and Kendra walks out with Alex and Christian.  Shit.  They spot me and Kendra says, "We're going to get some lunch, do you...Lauren?  Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I snap, far harsher than I intend.  Kendra cocks an eyebrow at my response, and Christian looks surprised.  "I'm fine," I repeat, forcing out a more civilized tone.  "I'm sorry."

Kendra nods calmly.  "Did you want to come get some lunch with us?" she asks.  I shake my head.  "Okay, well, I'll be back later.  Call me if you need anything."  I nod, still mute.

I pull the door to our room open and walk inside.  I'm throwing my purse on my desk when I realize that someone followed me in.  I turn, expecting Kendra, but instead I see Alex.  He walks over to the futon, pulls out his phone, sits down, and dials.  Looking up at me expectantly, he asks, "What do you like on your pizza?"

"Sausage and mushrooms," I answer automatically.  "Wait, what are you doing?"

"Ordering pizza," he replies.  Of course he is.  "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery....Large, sausage and mushrooms on all of it, then pepperoni and green pepper on half..."  He stands abruptly and opens the door to our mini fridge.  He frowns at the contents, or rather the lack.  He sees the empty Coke box next to the fridge and adds, "Two bottles of Coke also....Okay, thanks!"  Then he hangs up.  He hands me a bottle of water from our fridge, then sits back down on the futon.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

"Not really," I reply cautiously.  I sit down on the other side of the futon, completely confounded by his actions.

"Okay," he says.  He stands again and walks over to our meager DVD collection.  He grabs Pulp Fiction, pops it into the DVD player, and walks back to the futon.  At least he has good taste in movies?  We sit and watch in silence until we're interrupted by the pizza delivery person.  Alex pays for the pizza and sets the box on the floor in front of us, then hands me a piece.

"Thanks," I say softly.

Even after the pizza is gone, Alex is still sitting on my futon, watching my Pulp Fiction DVD.  "Why are you here?" I blurt suddenly.

He turns to me in surprise.  "Because you looked like you could use some company."  He says it simply, matter-of-factly.

I stare at him for a second, then say, "The guy I was dating has a girlfriend.  I found out this morning when I caught him telling her he loves her on the phone."

"Well that was stupid of him," Alex responds.  "Did you have sex with him?"

I gape at him.  How is that even close to an appropriate question for him to ask me?  But for reasons unknown to me, I answer.  "Yeah, unfortunately."

"Wow.  What a dick."  That's it.  No judgment.  No lectures.  Just a couple insults to Ron.

"No kidding," I reply.  Then I relax back against the futon to finish watching Pulp Fiction with Alex in comfortable silence.