Let it Snow?

I got to work a little early and settled in to check my email and make sure I was caught up on paperwork.  "8 inches," came a voice from my doorway, not long after I settled down.

"Excuse me?" I asked, bewildered, looking up at Josh as he smirked in my doorway.  He was constantly smirking, and it made me want to smack him.

"I said, '8 inches'," he repeated, cocking his head to one side and looking at me innocently.  Then he winked.  Gross.

"Riiight, okay," I replied, looking back at my computer, wondering if he meant to be as inappropriate as he sounded.

"Of snow," he continued, finally finishing the sentence.  "We're supposed to get up to 8 inches by tomorrow morning.  Did you hear?"

"I hadn't heard the exact forecast, but I guess I'm not shocked," I said.  "Last time I checked, we live in Colorado."  After Saturday night (for which he was showing absolutely no shame, not that that surprised me), I had no patience to even try to act polite.

"I don't understand it, but sometimes people forget that we get winter here too," he said with a shrug.  "Well, drive safe later."  When I looked up next, he was gone.  I breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to my email.

By the time I left work, it was snowing lightly.  There was maybe a half inch on the ground already.  Of course, it was enough to make people drive 15 miles an hour, and it took me forever to get home.  I pulled my car into the garage and took a deep breath, hoping to enter a house that was cleaner than the last time I left it.

I gritted my teeth when I walked in and saw the brownie mess still present in the kitchen.  It was a little more contained, but the sink was filled so high with soaking dishes that I couldn't have even filled a glass from the faucet.  I took another deep breath and peeked into the living room.  I was relieved to see the laundry was all neatly folded, and could even pretend to ignore the basket full of it at the bottom of the stairs.  I walked in and picked up a plate and glass from the coffee table and brought them into the kitchen, setting them on the counter with the rest of Lauren's dishes.

When I turned towards the fridge, I saw one of Lauren's big florescent pink Post-Its sticking to it.  I went to read it.  "Hey Liv, I'm at Alex's for the night, since it's closer to work and it's supposed to snow.  I'll clean up tomorrow evening."  Seriously?  She couldn't have taken 15 minutes to clean up before she high-tailed it out of here? 

Frustrated, I yanked open the door to the refrigerator and pulled out some chicken.  I looked in the cabinet for my big frying pan, only to realize it was dirty.  It had something congealed in it, and I couldn't even get at the sink to wash it without juggling all the dirty, water-filled dishes first.  I slammed the cabinet door closed and pulled out my phone.

"Hey Liv," Brody answered after 3 rings.

"Can I spend the night with you?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I won't be home until at least 8, probably later," he replied.

"That's fine, don't hurry on my account.  I just need to get out of this mess."

"Not any better?" he asked sympathetically.

"No, and she won't be back to clean it up until tomorrow.  So I'm getting out of here so I can calm down enough to talk to her about it.  If I stay here, I'm going to end up cleaning it up, and then I'll just be even angrier."

"Okay," he said.  "But go soon please, before there's too much snow on the ground."

The roads were decent still as I made my way to Brody's house.  I grabbed some fast food on my way out there to console myself, and quickly changed into sweatpants and a sweatshirt before planting myself on Brody's couch.  Brody made it home around 9:30 and let me vent before we both went to bed.  I asked if there had been any news about his dad, but Brody just shook his head and changed the subject.

I stayed a little late at work on Tuesday, hoping to give Lauren ample time to clean up before I got home.  I had calmed down considerably and was confident in my ability to have a reasonable conversation with her...as long as the house was clean when I got home.

Lauren was finishing up the dishes when I walked in the door, and I was relieved.  "Hey!" she greeted me cheerfully.  "Where have you been?"

"At Brody's," I replied.

Before I could say anything else, Lauren spoke up.  "Sorry about the mess!  It won't happen again, I promise!"  I didn't believe that, but not wanting the confrontation with a friend, I decided against saying anything else and just nodded.  We made dinner and ate together, catching up on each other's lives.

"Have you talked to Lynn lately?" Lauren asked.

"Yes!" I said excitedly.  I had just spoken to her this weekend.  "She thinks she's going to get go home soon.  Or, not home.  She'll be staying with her parents for awhile because she's still not getting around perfectly and needs help with a lot of things, but she can at least get out of the rehab center."

"That's awesome," Lauren agreed.  We passed the rest of the evening chatting and watched trashy TV.
On Friday it snowed again, light snow for most of the day.  I watched it out my window as I did paperwork before I left.  Lauren had texted me at lunch to let me know that Alex was spending the night, so I had planned to go out to Brody's so they could have some space.

I beat him there, and decided to make dinner while I waited for him.  I felt a little weird wandering around his house like it was mine, making myself at home.  But Brody certainly didn't seem to mind when he made it home around 8 to find that dinner was ready.

"The roads are shitty," he commented.  "I was going to stop somewhere to pick up some food, but then I decided it would take me long enough just to get home, and I'm glad I didn't stop."

After dinner we put on a movie and laid on the couch.  I hardly ever watched movies before I started dating Brody, and now it was hard to find one I hadn't seen.  After the movie, he sat up and stretched, then asked, "So how are things with Lauren?"

I grimaced.  "I don't know.  Lauren and I are fine, I guess, but nothing's changed.  She made something and left half the kitchen torn apart again.  And this was right after I had just finished cleaning it.  So it was frustrating.  But I'm trying to cut her some slack, because neither of us are used to living with a roommate.  Plus, I value our friendship more than I value a clean kitchen." 

"You guys are much better as friends that live apart," Brody agreed.

"Yeah, I hope she finds a new place soon.  I really, really want to still like her when she moves out."

"Well," Brody said, "What if you moved out?"  I looked at him, apprehensive of where he was going with this.  "And moved in with me?"

I stared at him blankly.  Did he really just ask me to move in with him?  He was silent, waiting for me to say something.  "Ummm...wow," I managed.  Brody was watching me carefully, waiting for something a little better than that.  "Brody, I...I just don't think that's a good idea."  I spoke quietly, not able to meet his eyes.

"Why not?  We spend half our nights together anyway.  You have a key to my house, I have a key to your house.  Lauren could take over your lease and her problem would be solved too," he pointed out.

"I just can't," I said lamely.  "It's so soon.  I don't know."

"Does that matter?" he asked softly.  "It might be soon, but is this not serious?"

He was trying to be political, but I could tell he was hurt by my hasty dismissal of this idea.  "Of course it's serious," I said quickly.  "I love you.  I can't imagine my life without you.  But...moving in together... Brody, that's huge.  And it scares me."

"What scares you about it?"  He was so calm, so willing to hear what I had to say, but I was freaking out internally.  It was terrifying that he was so ready to have me move in, and I didn't know why.  And I was scared to hurt him by not wanting to.

"I don't know.  It just seems like that's when relationships fall apart."  I looked up at him for the first time, but quickly looked away.

"Why? Because that's when things fell apart with you and John?" he asked.  He was still keeping his voice calm, but out of the corner of my eye I saw his jaw tighten.

"Yes.  I mean, no, we didn't actually even live together.  But...I don't know!"  I couldn't stop my voice from getting more shrill as this conversation went on.

"I'm not John.  This isn't your relationship with John."  His tone had hardened, and I could tell he was fighting to keep his cool.

"I know you're not John.  Our relationship is so much better and healthier and more functional than my relationship with John, but that's my only sort of experience with this and that's all I have to base my feelings on.  And so it's scary.  I'm sorry."

Brody tipped my chin up gently and I met his eyes.  As soon as I did, I felt the tears that had been building start to slide over my lower lid.  He didn't say anything and I felt like he was just waiting for me to change my mind and agree to move in.  I suddenly felt so trapped.  "I think I should go," I said softly.

He looked surprised.  "Wait, seriously?"

I nodded miserably.  "I'm just really overwhelmed.  I need some space to wrap my head around this all."  Tears slid down my cheeks and I dropped my gaze again.

"I don't want you to drive in this shit," he said.  "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Brody, I need space.  Please, let me go."

"Well I'm not holding you hostage," he snapped, finally shattering his calm veneer.  He took a deep breath and continued, a little more evenly, "But it's late, it's snowing, and you're upset.  I'd feel a lot better if you stayed.  You can sleep in the guest room if you need some space."

"No," I replied stubbornly.  "I want to go home."

He sighed.  "Can I drive you, then?  My vehicle is better in this shit than yours."

I was getting more and more angry, and I was close to exploding.  "No, Brody.  You can't.  I'm going home and I'm driving myself.  You can't protect me from everything!"

His jaw clenched and the muscles in his neck flexed angrily, but he recognized I was at my limit.  "Okay," he said tightly, holding up his hands.  "Okay.  But please, will you let me know when you get home at least?"

"Yes, I will," I said, my voice a more appropriate volume.

I stood up and walked stiffly towards the door.  I grabbed my coat and shoved my feet into my boots.  Brody put his hand on my arm and turned me gently towards him.  He kissed my cheek softly and brushed one lingering tear away.  "I love you, please drive carefully," he murmured.

"I love you too," I replied, then I turned and left.

The snow in Brody's driveway was heavy and I dragged my feet through it as I trudged to my little Honda CR-V.  I was wishing that I'd gotten new tires on it before this winter, at least.  It'll be fine, I thought to myself.  I'll drive slow.  The plows hadn't even been out here yet, and it was definitely slow going on the curving, dark roads.

I was nearly to the highway when a deer darted out in front of me.  Without even thinking, I hit my brake pedal hard.  I was acutely aware of the moment my brakes became useless.  The first thing that popped into my head was "Of course he was right."  Then the back end of my car started to swing out to left and my only thought was that I hoped there was no oncoming traffic.