Liv: Thanksgiving

"Something smells good," Brody said, coming into the kitchen.  He'd been holed up in his office trying to take care of a poorly-timed emergency of some sort before the holiday tomorrow.  "I'm starving."

"Unfortunately, this isn't dinner," I said with an apologetic smile.  "I'm just getting some stuff ready for tomorrow."  Tomorrow was Thanksgiving, and we were hosting.  Brody's mom and her boyfriend Tim were coming, along with Ken, Brody's employee Pete and his wife Serena, and Jen.  This was my first time ever hosting a holiday meal, and I was a little nervous.  I wanted to get at least a few things made ahead of time so I wouldn't have to be quite as stressed tomorrow.  It wasn't going to be a huge gathering by any means, but I was sure I'd have plenty to manage.

Brody pulled open the fridge and I said, "There's still some lasagna from the other night if you want to heat that up."

"I do," he replied.  "Do you want some?"

"Sure."  Brody pulled out the lasagna and I checked my sweet potato casserole that was in the oven.  While Brody heated up the leftover lasagna and garlic bread, I threw together a salad.  Eddie hung out in the corner of the kitchen, watching us carefully just in case we dropped something.  I pulled the sweet potatoes out of the oven while Brody got plates and silverware, and I stirred my cranberry pear sauce that was simmering on the stove before I went to sit with him.

"I'm an asshole," Brody said suddenly.  "I completely forgot to ask you how your meeting went."  He looked up at me expectantly.

I'd had my meeting this morning with the school that was interested in contracting with my agency for a school-based therapist.  We'd had a little trouble coordinating schedules and today was the best day, so I'd been waiting impatiently for a couple weeks.  I grinned and said, "It went really well.  They liked me a lot and wanted to talk start dates and plans already.  We ended up being there for almost two hours."

"I'm not surprised they liked you," Brody replied, return my excited grin.  "So what are they thinking for start dates?"

"They want me in the school right after Christmas break, attending meetings and such, and hopefully starting to take referrals around the beginning of February, if not sooner."

"That's awesome, Liv," Brody said.  He glanced at his watch.  "Shit, I need to get to the airport.  Do you want to come?"  Jen was flying in from Philadelphia and Brody was picking her up.  She was staying with us and I was excited to see her again.

"I can't," I replied, frowning and looking towards the stove.  "I've got the cranberry sauce on still and I want to make my pie crust tonight still."

"I had no idea I married Martha Stewart," Brody said, chuckling and standing up.  "Done?" He motioned to my plate, and when I nodded he grabbed it and took it to the sink.  "I'll help you clean up tonight, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed.

"Do you need me to pick anything up while I'm out?"  I shook my head and we kissed goodbye, then he took off for the airport.

I decided to make the mashed potatoes tonight too, and got to work peeling and chopping them.  After I had those done, I started on my pie crust.  I normally wasn't much of a baker, but I was bound and determined to make everything from scratch as much as possible.

The kitchen was everywhere and I was up to my elbows in in flour when I heard the garage door opening, signaling that Brody and Jen were here.  When the door to the house opened, Brody called, "Liv, can you come help Jen with her bag?  I need to grab something out of the car."

"I'm covered in flour," I called back.

"I can't hear you!" Brody yelled.  "Just come grab her bag and take her to her room, please!"

I sighed in mild irritation and grabbed a towel to wipe my hands off as much as possible.  I walked out of the kitchen towards the door and stopped dead.  "Oh my god," I said in shock.  "Mom!  Dad!  What...?"  Standing just inside the door next to Jen were my parents.  Brody came back in from the garage grinning as I rushed forward and hugged them.

Since I cry at everything, I got a little teary from the surprise.  "Well don't cry," my dad said, laughing.

I looked at Brody, who said, "It didn't seem right for us to host our first holiday together and not have your family here too, so I thought I'd surprise you."  My lip quivered and I threw my arms around him.  He hugged me back tightly.

"Thank you," I said softly.  "This is amazing."

"I thought you'd like it," he replied, leaning back to kiss my forehead.

I detached myself from Brody as Jen loudly cleared her throat.  She was grinning at me though, and I quickly hugged her.  "I'm so excited to see you too!" I told her, laughing now.

We got everyone settled and their things to their rooms, and I hurried back into the kitchen to finish my pie crust so I could be done prepping for the evening and spend some time with our guests.  "Can I help with anything?" my mom asked, following me into the kitchen.

"Absolutely not," I replied, smiling.  "But you can keep me company while I finish up."

Brody came into the kitchen with two bottles of wine.  He opened one and poured a glass for each of us.  "Can I help you?" he asked me after he'd rinsed out the empty wine bottle and deposited it in the recycling bin in the garage.

"If you wanted to start on the dishes, that would be great," I replied.

Jen and my dad wandered into the kitchen next and each also offered to help.  I refused their offers and they sat down at the table with my mom, and we all chatted while I finished up my pie crust and wrapped it in plastic wrap to rest in the fridge.  I helped Brody clean up the mess and we all moved to the living room, where we spent the rest of the evening.

I was brushing my hair in our bathroom, getting ready for bed, when Brody stuck his head in the open door.  I smiled at him in the mirror and came in, wrapping his arms around my waist.  "Thank you for getting my parents here," I said, leaning back against him.  "You're amazing."

"I'm glad you're happy," he replied.

I set my brush down and turned to face him, slipping my arms around his neck.  "I am," I said, pushing my fingers through the hair at the back of his head.  "I love you."

"I love you, too," Brody replied, before he leaned his head down to kiss me.  He lifted me easily onto the counter, bringing me up to eye level.  His fingers traveled up my back and into my hair, tugging it away from my face and neck.  He lowered his head to my neck, kissing and nibbling from my jaw down to my shoulder.  I sighed and wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling him even closer to me.

"I absolutely loved how excited and surprised you looked when you saw them," he said softly, taking a break from kissing my neck.  His fingers slid beneath the hem of my shirt and danced lightly across my lower back.  "I love surprising you."

"I love your surprises," I replied.  "But can we maybe not talk about my parents right now?"

Brody laughed, dropping his head onto my shoulder.  "Good call," he agreed.  "How about we talk about what I'd like to do to you right now instead?"

"Mmm, I like the sound of that much better," I murmured.  Brody's lips were on my neck again, tracing the same path they'd taken before, but this time from my shoulder back up to my jaw.  He nipped at my earlobe before softly detailing everything he planned to do to me.  While he did that, he unhooked my bra and brushed his thumbs over my nipples, making me shiver.  Then he lifted me off the counter and took me out of the bathroom, setting me carefully on the bed.  We quickly pulled our clothes off, not wasting any time there.  Brody followed through on everything he'd said he'd do, and I found it ridiculously hard to stay relatively quiet.

When we were done, we laid tangled together diagonally across the bed, breathing hard.  "One of the reasons I never wanted to be in a relationship was I was worried about having boring sex...or not having any," Brody said randomly.  "I'm glad that hasn't happened."

"Yet," I corrected him, teasingly.  "It hasn't happened yet."  Brody laughed and we untangled ourselves so we could actually get in bed.  I was relieved for the distraction, because thinking about tomorrow was stressing me out a little, and I felt a lot more relaxed now.  We got comfortable, and for once I fell asleep quickly.

I woke up fairly early the next morning.  Brody was still in bed, but he opened his eyes when I rolled over.  "Good morning, beautiful," he said sleepily.

"Good morning," I replied, smiling.  I had slept well, and even though it was early, I was in a better mood than most mornings.

"Don't get up yet," he requested.  "Come here."  I turned onto my side and scooted closer to him, settling my back against his chest.  We cuddled for about 15 minutes before I wiggled away and got out of bed, despite Brody's protests.

"I'm hungry," I complained, which made him laugh.

I was surprised to find that I was the only one awake so far.  Brody ended up coming down while I was making myself some coffee.  "Take your coffee and go relax," he urged me.  "Let me make breakfast."  He didn't have to work hard to talk me into it, and I happily went and turned on the fireplace and curled up in the recliner next to it with my coffee.

By the time Brody finished breakfast, everyone else was up.  After we ate, I kicked everyone out of the kitchen, including Brody.  I did some more prep work and rolled out my pie crust.  Once I had my pies in the oven I had a little time to relax.  I ended up going for a walk with my mom and Jen.  We wandered around the neighborhood in the snow that was falling.  Because of the snow and cold, we only walked about 20 minutes but it was nice to get a little fresh air.

I checked on my pies when we got home and then got in the shower.  I showered quickly and got dressed, then headed downstairs and got my pies out.  Brody came in while I was getting my turkey prepped.  "What can I do?" he asked.  I thrust a knife at him and asked him to prepare the fruit and cheese plate and get the veggies out.  He did as I asked without questions, and I loved him even more.  My dad wandered in while I was getting the turkey in the oven and asked if he could help.  I refused his offer, but he decided to help anyway.

While he was helping Brody, he asked, "So, how's business?"  I rolled my eyes, not surprised that my dad would go for business talk while prepping Thanksgiving dinner.

"Business is great," Brody replied cheerfully.  "I don't know if Liv's told you, but I just bought a second building.  So I've spent the last couple weeks getting it furnished, and we start moving on Monday.  I'm moving about half my staff over and then once that happens I'm going to create more specialized departments.  I'm pretty excited about it, actually."  Brody continued to explain to my how things worked now and what his vision was.

"That sounds much more efficient, good thinking," my dad said, nodding.  He asked Brody a couple more questions and I tuned out.  Once I got the turkey in the oven, I had a little more time to relax.  We had about an hour before the rest of the guests were arriving and I headed upstairs to do my hair and makeup.

Pete and his wife Serena were the first arrive.  They didn't want to travel this year and were planning on just spending a low-key day together.  Brody had invited them over for dinner, and they'd decided to join us.  Brody took what appeared to be some sort of dessert from Serena and headed toward the kitchen with it.

Eddie greeted them cheerfully, jumping up from where he had been napping in his bed near the fireplace.   "Hey buddy!" Pete said, scratching his ears.  Eddie wasted no time in flopping on the ground and rolling over so Pete could rub his belly.  "How's he doing?" he asked me.

"He's great," I replied with a smile.  "We love him, and he settled in pretty quickly.  I've been glad to have him a couple nights when Brody's gotten home late."

"Good," Pete said.  "We're glad he went to such a good home."

I was about to respond when the doorbell rang again, so I excused myself and went to answer the door, because I had no idea where Brody was.  Ken was at the door, and he handed me two bottles of wine.  "Brody told me you had the food under control but I didn't want to come empty handed," he said with a shrug.

"Well thank you," I replied, smiling and hugging him.  "You would have been fine, but I appreciate it anyway!"  I stepped aside so he could come in, and I was shutting the door when I saw Thalia's car pulling up in front.  I handed the wine back to Ken and asked him if he'd take it into the kitchen, then waited for Thalia and Tim.

Once everyone was inside, I went into the kitchen to grab the cheese and fruit plates.  Brody and Ken were standing in the kitchen, looking worried.  "What?" I asked.  Neither of them said anything.  "What?" I demanded again.

"Liv, there's...a problem," Brody started.  I gave him a look, and he hurriedly continued.  "Well, the oven seems to have stopped working."

"What?"

"I walked past it and it wasn't warm, so I opened it up and it was cold and the turkey is still very much uncooked."

I pursed my lips and walked over to the oven.  I opened the oven door and confirmed what Brody had said.  I pushed all the buttons and got no response.  "But..." I said, starting to feel a little panicky.  "But...what are we going to do?"

Brody shrugged.  After a quick, slightly heated discussion (because my perfectly planned Thanksgiving was collapsing around me), I finally said that I couldn't decide and told Brody to make a decision.  Brody made the logical decision to go into town to see if he could get a fully cooked turkey anywhere at this point.  "Are you okay?" he asked me with concern.

I shrugged miserably.  "There's nothing we can do about it."

Brody hugged me and said, "I know how hard you worked to make today perfect.  We'll figure it out.  Do you want to come with me?"

"No," I replied, shaking my head.  "I'll stay here and entertain our guests."

I forced a cheerful smile while I told our guests what happened.  It took Brody almost 90 minutes to return, and when he walked in the door with pizza boxes in his hands, I could have cried.  "I'm sorry," he said softly to me.  "It was all I could get."  Inexplicably, I began to laugh.  Brody looked at me like I was crazy, and maybe I was.  But I couldn't stop laughing.

We ended up eating everything I had successfully made along with the pizza.  It wasn't even close to ideal, and I was disappointed, but at least it was kind of funny.  Everything I had made turned out great, and while they didn't exactly go with the pizza, everyone ate them anyway.  We all also had a good laugh about everything.

In the end, it ended up being one of my favorite Thanksgivings.  It was so nice to have both my family and Brody's family there (especially since my parents were a surprise!).  After Pete, Serena, Thalia, Tim, and Ken left, Brody and I cleaned up.  Once we had everything cleaned up, I leaned against the counter and sighed, then chuckled.  Brody smirked.  "I guess we need a new oven," he said.

I laughed.  "I guess we do."

Music, Laughter, and Conversation

Well, I lied in my little author's note.  I got it finished after all :)  If you didn't see my note about the future plans, make sure you scroll down to catch it.  The next post will either come tomorrow or Saturday.
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"You're freaking out," Lauren observed, once Brody was inside.

"Yep," I agreed.  "Completely.  So many people...and they're all going to be watching me."

Lauren slid her arm around my waist, a rare show of affection for her, and squeezed gently.  She left her arm there and said, "On the plus side, you're the bride, so you can do pretty much whatever you want to today, and no one is going to say a word to you about it!"

I laughed.  "True. Too bad the craziest thing I'll probably do is cry through my wedding ceremony."

"Where did that come from?" Lauren asked suddenly, pointing to my bracelet.

"Where do you think?" I asked, rolling my eyes.  But I couldn't fight the smile on my face as I lifted my wrist for Lauren to take a closer look.

Lauren narrowed her eyes in much the same expression I'd made when Brody had told me he had something for me.  "I thought you guys had agreed no gifts."

"Yeah, well, he doesn't always follow directions well," I said, laughing.  "But I love it."

"He's the worst," she replied, smirking.

Just then, Lauren's phone lit up.  She looked down at it, then looked up at me.  "Ready to go in?"  I took a deep breath, nodded, and we walked inside.  I drew more than a couple looks as she and I walked past the dining room towards the narrow stairs that led up.  Once we got to the top of the stairs, I saw Leigh, who appeared to be directing traffic.  She guided me over to the side where my dad was waiting.  Lauren walked over to Alex and handed him her phone, which he slipped into his pocket.  Alex flashed me a thumbs up, which made me roll my eyes and laugh a little.

My dad was watching me, and I felt tears prick the back of my eyes when he held out his arm to me.  I could faintly hear the music, and Lynn and Jack were now disappearing into the banquet room, which meant I was next.  "Holy shit," I breathed.

"Olivia Renee," my dad scolded me, and I burst out laughing, earning a disapproving look from Leigh.

"I'm getting married, and you're concerned about my language?" I asked him.

"You'll always be my little girl," he said stoically.  "But I guess at least you don't have a mouth like Lauren."

I laughed again, clapping my hand over my mouth to muffle it.  Leigh walked over and handed me my bouquet.  "When you hear the song change, it's all you," she said with a broad smile.  "You look absolutely stunning, but don't forget to smile."

Laughing immediately before I started to walk down the aisle proved to be a positive thing.  I smiled, I didn't cry, I didn't trip.  And as soon as I saw Brody waiting for me, I did forget about everyone else.

I had never questioned wanting to see Brody and take photos before the ceremony, but I did worry that walking down the aisle towards him wouldn't be nearly as special as it could have been if we wouldn't have seen each other.  I was wrong.  He was still looking at me as though it was his first time seeing me, and it was perfect.  Halfway down, I got a little emotional and a couple tears escaped, but I managed to mostly keep it together.  When my dad handed me off to Brody, Brody paused and brushed the tears off my cheeks before taking my hand.  The simple gesture made several people in the crowd say, "Awwww," which drew my attention back to the fact that there were indeed over 50 other people in the room.  But at this point, I didn't care as much.

Our ceremony was short and simple, with just two brief readings done by Jen and Kinsley and our vows.  When it came time to exchange the rings, I felt a brief moment of panic.  I had no idea if Lauren had Brody's ring or not.  Luckily, when I turned, she handed it to me.  When I watched Brody put my wedding band on my finger, I did a double take.  I looked up at him, and he was watching me and grinning.  I looked back down, because the ring he'd just slid onto my left hand was not the plain band I'd picked out and purchased.  In fact, it looked suspiciously like the drawing Don had made of the potential custom band.  I looked back up at Brody, and mouthed, "What is this?"  He just shrugged and mouthed back, "Your ring."

"Olivia?"  I looked up, realizing that the officiant was waiting for me to repeat her words and put Brody's ring on.  I blushed, and she repeated the words that went along with the ring ceremony.  I got them out without tangling them and slid the ring onto his finger.

I barely heard the officiant tell us we could kiss, because I was entranced by her saying we're now husband and wife.  I smiled shyly at Brody and he stepped forward, tugging me towards him by my hands.  Then he slid his hands around my waist and kissed me.  Everyone clapped, but I didn't care  about them anymore.  When our kiss ended, he leaned his forehead against mine and whispered, "I love you, Olivia."

"I love you too," I replied, and he kissed me again.


We met our officiant in a smaller room down the hall from the banquet room.  We all signed the marriage license, and she congratulated us both.  As she collected the document and stepped out, Brody looked at me with concern.  "Are you okay?" he asked, not for the first time today.

I thought I was keeping it together pretty well, but I should have known that I couldn't hide it from him.  "I am," I said, smiling at him.  "Just a little overwhelmed."

"Let's take a few minutes?" he suggested.  I nodded.  He kicked the door to the room shut, then walked back over to me and hugged me.  I leaned into him, breathing in his scent.  Soap, cologne, and mountains.  The familiar scent comforted me.

There was a plush, overstuffed couch in the room, and he sat and pulled me into his lap.  I leaned down to kiss him, and he smiled against my lips.  When we broke apart, he kept his hand on my face, lightly brushing his thumb across my cheekbone.  "You're easily the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he said softly and sincerely.

The look on his face made me melt, and I shifted so I could (carefully) lay my head on his shoulder.  "Thank you," I said.  "I love you."

"I love you too, Liv," he replied, stroking my back between my shoulder blades.  "I can't believe how wonderfully everything came together.  You did a great job."

"We did a great job," I corrected him.

He chuckled.  "Well, okay, but you did more than I did.  Especially the little details."

"You want to talk about little details?" I asked, looking at him.  "What is this?" I held up my left hand and waved it around a little.

He laughed.  "That's the ring that Don designed for you.  If you don't like it, we can't take it back, because it's a custom piece.  So you're stuck with it."

"I love it," I said, smiling while I looked at.  "But I would have been okay with the plain band.  It's not about the ring."

"I want you to have something that you love, not something that you're just okay with, even if it's not about the ring," he said, shaking his head.  Then he grinned.  "Don said he could tell you really liked the sketch, and he couldn't figure out why you didn't want it.  I knew exactly why you didn't want it, and I decided to disrespect your wishes and have him make it anyway.  Are you mad at me?"

"No," I said smiling.  "But don't make a habit out of disrespecting my wishes."

"I only did this time because it seemed like you really did like this one better," he assured me.  "I hoped it would be a nice surprise."

"It was," I said, turning my head to kiss him again.

We sat together in the small room, chatting for a couple minutes, then just silently enjoying each other's company for a few more.  Finally, I stood and said, "I'm ready when you are."

"Kiss me again, then I'm ready," he said, smiling.  I happily obliged him, hooking my arms around his neck and kissing him deeply.  "Mmm," he groaned, pulling away and then resting his forehead against mine.  "Can we just skip the reception and go back to the hotel?"

I laughed and stood, tugging on his hand.  "No way, I'm starving.  You need to feed me first."


I barely made it past dinner before I was irritated with my hair.  Even though it was cool outside, it was warm in the restaurant, and even lighter wedding dresses are heavy and hot.  The back of my neck was damp with sweat and my hair was sticking to it, leaving sticky hairspray remnants behind.  Kinsley saw me pulling at my hair and swatted at my hand.  "You're going to make all the curls fall," she scolded me.

"I want it off my neck," I said, frowning.  "Can you fix it?"

She pulled me into the bathroom and dumped the contents of her clutch on the counter.  She fished out a plastic bag full of bobby pins.  "In case of emergency," she said, grinning.  She started pinning pieces up, and within 10 minutes she had my curls all pinned loosely to my head in a cute, makeshift updo.  "Will that work?" she asked.  She held out a compact mirror and I looked at the back.

"I like it!" I said.  "Thank you."  I looked down and saw that what had been a half-full snack sized ziploc bag of bobby pins now only held a handful.  That was going to be fun to get out at the end of the night.

We left the bathroom and made it back to the banquet room, where I wandered around until I found a few people at a table that I hadn't gotten much of a chance to chat with yet.  I sat down and was there for about 15 minutes before Brody walked up.

"Dance with me?" he asked, holding his hand out to me.

I smiled and set my wine down on the table.  "Of course," I replied, standing and taking his hand.   We had split up for a little while to chat with our guests and I felt like it had been hours since I had seen him last.  He pulled me close to him on the dance floor and I sagged against him.  I was tired already; it had been a long day.  I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes as we danced, enjoying the couple minutes that I could shut everyone else out and be close to my new husband.

"Are you having fun?" he asked me.

I opened my eyes and nodded.  "Are you?"

"I am," he replied.  "I'm getting tired though."

"Me too," I agreed.  "What time is it?"

I felt one of Brody's hands move from my waist, and his head moved as he looked at his watch.  "11:40," he replied.

I laughed.  "It's not even late.  I feel so old."

"Well, you are an old married woman now, so I guess it makes sense," he joked.  I shook my head, then nestled it back against Brody's shoulder, closing my eyes again.

When the song was over, we made our way to the table where Lynn, Lauren, Alex, and Jen were sitting.  We were only there for one song before James approached the table.  When we'd been making the guest list, I hadn't even mentioned James.  I figured Brody would be firmly against it.  He was the one who brought him up and we decided to invite him.  He smiled as he walked up.  Looking between me and Brody, he asked, "May I dance with the bride?"

Brody laughed and said, "If you think I have any say at all in who my wife dances with, you don't know her very well."

I rolled my eyes and smacked him playfully in the arm.  "That's enough out of you," I said, laughing.

"See?" Brody asked pointedly.

James laughed as I stood.  He held a hand out to me and I took it.  "I'll be back," I said to Brody.

"This is the easiest way to talk to you," James said, as we made our way onto the dance floor.  "You're a popular woman tonight."

"Yeah," I said, smiling.  "I guess that's what happens when you wear a long white dress to a wedding!"

James chuckled.  "Well, congratulations.  I can't believe how happy you look.  Beautiful too, of course.  Can I say that?  Your husband isn't going to break my face for saying that, right?"

"Not unless I tell him to," I said, smiling sweetly at him.  He laughed and shook his head.

"Where are you guys going for your honeymoon?" he asked.

I shrugged.  "I actually have no idea," I said.  "All I know is we're leaving Monday and we're gone for 12 days.  And that it's tropical."

"Well, I'm sure it won't disappoint."

"I'd be shocked if it did," I answered.  "So, no Haley?"

James snorted.  "No.  No Haley," he confirmed.  "That was over before we even made it back into town after camping.  Some day I'll find someone who isn't crazy and won't leave me abruptly for their future husband.  Maybe."

I laughed.  "Maybe," I agreed.

When the song was over, James walked with me back to the table we'd left, and sat down next to Lynn.  I sat in the chair next to Brody, and he took his eyes off Jen to smile at me.  He slid his arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him, trying to figure out what he and Jen had been talking about.  She was telling a story and I had clearly missed the important information, so I just relaxed against Brody and listened quietly to the sounds around me.  Music, laughter, and conversation were coming from all directions, and it made me smile.  That was exactly what I had wanted our wedding day to be like.

Just You and Me

I had barely knocked on the door when Lynn threw it open and shrieked.  "It's about time!  I'm so excited!"

"Where have you been?" Lauren asked, frowning at me.

"Having breakfast with my soon-to-be-husband, Mother," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Speaking of your mother, she came here looking for you about 20 minutes ago," Lynn said.  "You should call her and let her know you're here."   I fished my phone out of my purse and did exactly that.  While I was on the phone, someone knocked at the door.  It was the stylists that were coming to do our hair and makeup, and I was pleased that we had decided to spend the extra to have them come here.  I didn't really feel like trekking out anywhere right now.  I let my mom know that I was here and she said she'd be around in a little while.  I also sent a text to Jen, who texted back immediately that she and Thalia would be there in a few minutes.  I'd invited them both to get ready with us and they had happily agreed.

Erin, the stylist that would be doing my hair, directed me to a chair and got started on my hair.  Everyone else was getting their makeup done as well, but I'd be doing my own.  I never liked it when I got it done, and it was one thing I could have full control over today, which eased my nerves slightly.  I showed Erin the picture of what I wanted for my hair, and she seemed a little disappointed that I wanted something so simple.  But it fit my requirements: down, out of my face, and would work perfectly with the beautiful jeweled combs my mom had given me.  When it came to my hair, my usual style was relatively simple, and I didn't want to do anything too drastically different.  Erin quickly hid her disappointment and got to work curling my hair.  

Jen, Thalia, and my mom all arrived shortly after, and we all sat around chatting while Lauren and I got our hair done.  Lynn and my mom would be next, then Jen and Thalia.  While Erin was working on getting my curls just right, there was another knock at the door.  I gave Lynn a weird look, because she was the only person in my current line of sight, and Jen jumped up to answer the door.

"Ken?" I heard her say.  "What's this?"

"Special delivery courtesy of the groom," came Ken's voice.  Jen laughed, and my mom got up and walked over to the door as well.

"Whatever it is, thank you, Ken!" I called.  "I can't move my head or I'd come say hi."

"You're welcome, Olivia," he called back.  "I won't interrupt, I'm just the errand boy.  Enjoy your day!"

I thanked him again and then saw what Jen and my mom were carrying in.  Several to-go cups from the nearby coffee shop, a bottle of champagne, plastic champagne flutes, and orange juice.  Jen handed me an envelope, grinning.  "Did you know about this?" I asked her.

"Yes," she replied.  "Someone had to make sure all the coffee orders were right!"

I laughed as Lauren said, "You guys are already thinking alike."  I had sent a bottle of nice Scotch with Alex for him to give to Brody for them to enjoy.

I carefully took the cup Jen offered me.  "Large dirty chai for you," she said.  She handed out the rest of the coffee as I sipped mine, then set it to the side and opened the envelope.

Inside was a card, and on the inside of the card, in Brody's crooked, boyish handwriting, was written, "I figured you could all use some caffeine to get you through your marathon of getting even more beautiful than you already are.  Then I thought that the caffeine might make you even more jittery than you probably already are, so I threw in some champagne to help you with that.  I've been looking forward to this day since I first met you, and I can't wait to see you.  I'm sure you'll be even more beautiful than I can imagine, and I'm already the luckiest man in the world.  I love you."  

I bit my lip, this time a little overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness.  Lynn said, "If you're going to cry, do it now before you have makeup on!"

"Like that will stop her from doing it later," Lauren quipped.

"Shut up!" I said, laughing.  At least laughing stopped me from crying.  The rest of the morning and early afternoon passed quickly, and it wasn't long before my mom was handing me a sandwich and insisting that I eat something.  I did as she asked, chewing mechanically, barely tasting anything.  We opened the champagne and drank mimosas with our lunch.  The champagne did little to calm my nerves, which were now in full force.  I was looking forward to seeing Brody in a couple hours when we did our first look, because I knew seeing him would help a little.

When it was time to put on my dress, shoes, and jewelry, I got oddly calm.  That lasted all the way until my dad knocked and came into the room.  When he saw me, his face lit up, but then he blinked hard a couple times.  "Don't you dare," I warned him, feeling my own emotion bubbling up in my throat.  "I just finished my makeup and I have to go take pictures."  Lauren, Lynn, Thalia, and Jen excused themselves, leaving just me, my mom, and my dad in the room.

"Sweetheart, you look beautiful," my dad said, smiling at me, his face filled with emotion.

"Thank you," I said shyly.  "I feel...nervous."

"You don't look it," my mom said helpfully.  I smiled gratefully at her.  My dad pulled me into a careful hug, conscious of my hair and makeup.  "Here," my mom said, handing me a champagne flute.  "Finish it up."  I laughed.  I knew I could count on her to not be too sappy.  She was just like me--a hopeless romantic failure.  I sipped the delicious champagne as my mom and dad chatted for a couple minutes, then when Lauren texted me that the coast was clear and Brody was where we were meeting for our first look, we walked to the elevator.

Much to our photographer's disappointment, we didn't want him in the room for our "first look".  We wanted the time together to be intimate and without an audience.  The hotel had allowed us to use one of their smaller conference rooms that wasn't being used for another event, so it could be completely private, but so we could still check out of our rooms.  One of the hotel staff directed me to the right room while my parents joined Lauren and Lynn, who were waiting in the lobby.

I pushed the door open, and Brody--who had been looking out the window--turned as I came in.  I wish I could describe the look on his face, but I think the most obvious indication of his feelings was that he had absolutely nothing to say for several seconds.  He just stared at me.  "Hi," I said softly, feeling a little self-conscious.

"Liv," he replied, closing the space between us with three steps.  "You're absolutely gorgeous."  He placed his hands on my upper arms, holding me at arm's length while his eyes traveled up and down.  He reached out and gently touched my necklace--the one his mom had given me.  "Wow."

"You look pretty damn good yourself," I replied, laying on my hands on the lapels of his jacket and smoothing invisible wrinkles away.  I bit my lip, trying not to get emotional.  "Thanks for the coffee and the champagne," I said to distract myself.

"You're welcome," he said, pulling me closer  "And thank you for the Scotch."  He kept his hands on my arms but leaned down and kissed me softly.  "Can I hug you?  Or will I ruin your hair and makeup and dress and day and life?"  I laughed and hugged him, feeling much calmer.  He hugged me back carefully.  "I have to admit I was little nervous," he said, his arms still around me.

"About what?"

"I was nervous you wouldn't look like you," he said.  "I always see people's wedding photos, and I think, 'Nope, that's not you.'  It's weird when people don't look like themselves on their wedding day.  You look like you, and you look beautiful."  He very gently touched a curl of hair, then grinned and said, "I have something for you."

I narrowed my eyes.  "We weren't going to do gifts," I protested.

"It's not a gift," he replied.  "It's something you need.  And anyway, what do you call that expensive Scotch you supplied us with?"  He had me there, and I shrugged.  He turned and grabbed a small flat wrapped box from the table behind him.  I hadn't even noticed it.  He handed it to me and I carefully removed the ribbon and the paper, then opened the box.

I gasped as the gorgeous diamond and pearl bracelet was revealed.  "Brody..." I said softly.

"You have a necklace and earrings, I didn't want your wrists to feel left out," he said, smiling at me.  He lifted the bracelet--which coordinated amazingly well with the jewelry his mom had given me--out of the box and then gently took the box from my hand.  I held out my right wrist and let him clasp the bracelet around it.

"It's beautiful," I murmured, turning my hand this way and that so the diamonds caught the light and the slightly iridescent pearls shimmered.  I raised my eyes to his.  He was watching me, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.  "Thank you," I said, stepping towards him and reaching for his hands.  I tugged him closer and kissed him.

"You're welcome," he replied, his lips moving against mine.

We took a couple more minutes to ourselves, then emerged from our little room into the world.  We had picked out a pretty park to take some pre-wedding family and wedding party photos at, and we all got in vehicles to go there.  We had a shuttle running from the hotel to the wedding venue, and everyone else would head back there after pictures to get the shuttle, while Brody drove the two of us there.

By the time we were almost finished taking photos, I was starting to get crabby.  It was a combination of nerves and just being over being told to smile and look this way and sit like that.  Brody, picking up on my crabbiness, asked the photographer for a break.  He focused on taking some pictures of our small wedding party, my parents, and Brody's family.  Brody, meanwhile, was making stupid faces at me behind the photographer's back.  He soon had me cracking up, and our photographer managed to snap a few quick, candid pictures of me laughing my ass off and Brody making ridiculous faces at me.  Those are probably getting framed.

Before I knew it, it was time to head towards the venue.  The photographer was following us there because there were a few pictures we wanted to take in a spot closer to the venue.  We got there just in time to get the sunset pictures that I wanted, then headed to the restaurant.  I jiggled my leg nervously as we drove until Brody reached across the center console and laid his hand gently on top of it.

Lauren was waiting outside the restaurant when we got there, and she walked up to the car. "I'm supposed to wait with you, Liv," she said.  "And you," she looked at Brody, "Are supposed to go inside right away."

Brody must have seen the anxiousness in my eyes at that, because he squeezed my leg reassuringly.  We both got out and I walked around to his side of the car and let him pull me into a tight hug.  "I can't wait to marry you," he said, smiling at me.  I smiled back.  He laid his hands lightly on either side of my face, just like he had that morning.  "Don't be nervous," he said softly.  "Just you and me, remember?"  I nodded and closed my eyes as he kissed my forehead, then pressed his lips to mine.  "See you soon," he said, grinning at me. "I love you."

"I love you too," I replied.  I took a deep breath and watched him walk toward the restaurant.

Last Minute Preparations

This one is a liiiiittle shorter than my normal posts, but it made sense to cut it off where I did, so that's what happened.  The next guaranteed post will be Friday.  I'd like to be able to get one up tomorrow but I can't promise that.  And Thursdays are pretty crazy for me.  So, stayed tuned to see if I can pull off anything on Wed or Thurs, but I promise a post for sure on Friday!  (And on Saturday, for that matter.)

_______________________________

As I had predicted, Friday morning hurt.  Brody woke me up as gently as possible at 8:30, which was when I had requested to be woken up (I made that request while sober, knowing that Drunk Liv would have other ideas).  "Nooooo," I groaned, shoving my face deeper into the pillow.

"I know, it sucks," Brody said, with way more sympathy than I deserved.  "But you have a list of things we need to do before the rehearsal, including a 2pm salon appointment."

I groaned again, but rolled onto my back and opened one eye.  "Fuck," I said.

Brody laughed.  "Come on.  Get in the shower and I'll make some breakfast.  And coffee."

"No, no food," I protested.  "Coffee yes.  And tylenol."

"Coffee, tylenol, water, and something we can take on the road for when you inevitably decide you're suddenly starving. Got it.  Oh, and here.  Drink this first."  He handed me a bottle of Gatorade, which was a welcome sight.

"I don't deserve you," I replied, sitting up and trying not to groan again.  "You're amazing."

"I know I am, but you definitely do deserve me," he said with a chuckle.  "Up." I took the bottle of Gatorade and tentatively took a drink.  When I didn't immediately feel the need to throw up, I drank about a third of it.

Once I got myself dragged into the shower, I realized I didn't feel quite as awful as I probably deserved to.  I felt significantly better following the Gatorade and shower, at least.

When I came downstairs, dressed, hair blow dried, and a little makeup on, everyone was sitting at the kitchen table watching me.  "What?" I asked.

"How are you feeling?" Jen asked casually.

"Better than I deserve to," I replied.

"That was not the song you were singing 30 minutes ago," Brody was quick to point out.

"Brody was fearful for his life when he went up to wake you," my mom said helpfully.

I rolled my eyes and immediately regretted it.  I still had a hell of a headache.  "I did feel pretty awful when I woke up, and I definitely don't feel great, but I'll survive," I amended.

When we got to Colorado Springs, the first thing we did was drop off a couple final payments.  "Should we go pick up our rings?" I asked Brody.

"Nah, I can get them while you're getting your nails done," he offered.  So we went and checked into our hotel, which we were lucky enough to be able to check into early, and confirmed everything with room reservations.

I sat on the bed in the hotel room and made confirmation calls to all our vendors (more to soothe my anxiety than anything).  Then we went and got lunch before Brody dropped me off at the salon, where I was meeting Jen, my mom, Thalia, Lynn, and Lauren to get our nails done.

The rest of the day was a blur of rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and hanging out with our rehearsal dinner attendees for awhile after dinner.  I stayed far away from the alcohol, cringing at just the thought of drinking.  Finally, around 11, we left the restaurant we were at and headed back to our hotel.

"I'm glad we're spending the night together," I said, as Brody closed and locked the hotel room door behind us.  Most people had been shocked to find out we weren't sleeping separately the night before the wedding, but we didn't care.  I knew I'd sleep better if we slept together, and I wasn't worried about jinxing our marriage by seeing him prior to the wedding.

He looked at me and lifted his eyebrows suggestively.  "Me too," he replied.  "Is there some rule about having sex the night before your wedding?"

"I'm sure there is, and I also don't care," I said, closing the space between us and slipping my arms around his neck.  He grinned as he kissed me and lifted me off the floor.  I wrapped my legs around his hips as he walked over to the bed and sat down.

He pulled his lips from mine and looked at me seriously.  "I can't believe that by this time tomorrow, you're going to be my wife," he said softly.  He traced his fingers along my hairline and down to my jaw, then wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my mouth back to his.  I pushed my hands into his hair and tugged lightly, and he groaned against my lips.

I'm not entirely sure how we got our clothes off, because our lips barely parted the entire time.  Even after we finished, we laid next to each other with our foreheads pressed together, our noses touching, and our lips close enough that when we talked, they brushed the other person's.

I didn't think I'd sleep at all that night, but Brody wore me out quite effectively, and I slept really well.  I didn't wake up even once, until I heard the hotel room door opening and quiet voices.  I sat up, confused, and was instantly grateful we were in a suite with a separate bedroom because I heard Brody thanking someone and assumed it was a hotel employee.  He or she would have gotten a nice view when I sat up if the bed had been visible from the door.

"You're awake," Brody said softly, coming back into the bedroom.  He smiled at me, and I couldn't help but notice his hair was perfectly disheveled from sex and sleep.  I wondered if I'd ever look at him and not feel insanely attracted to him--then quickly hoped that never happened.

"I am," I agreed.  "Who was that?"

"Room service," he replied.  He held out one of his t-shirts to me.  "Come have breakfast with me."  I sat up and took the t-shirt he offered, pulling it over my head.  Brody looked at me appreciatively.  "You look so much better in that than I ever will."  I blushed, which made him laugh.  He grabbed my hand and pulled me against him, kissing my forehead and hugging me tightly.  "I love that I can still make you blush," he said, still chuckling.

"It's not like it's hard," I retorted, but I smiled and followed him out of the bedroom

"I hope you don't have breakfast plans," he said, looking at me questioningly.  I shook my head.  In truth, I had been so caught up in making sure that everything else for today was perfect that I hadn't even thought about what I'd eat this morning.  "I know today is going to be crazy, so I wanted to have a little time with you to myself before the circus starts."

"That sounds perfect," I said, impressed--but not surprised--by his thoughtfulness.  I was grateful for it, as well.  The more I woke up, the more jittery I got.  It was nice to be able to take a half hour to enjoy breakfast with Brody before I moved into the crazy part of the day.  He had ordered omelets, French toast, bacon for him and sausage for me, fruit, coffee, and orange juice.  "Thank you," I said, smiling at him.  "This looks amazing."  We sat at the small table in the living area of the hotel room and ate.

As the food disappeared, I got quieter as my nerves took over.  I wasn't at all nervous to marry Brody, but I kept thinking about all the people.  I wished I could channel high school Liv, because she adored being the center of attention.  That part of me had disappeared somewhere around my junior year in college.  Now the idea of saying vows in front of 50 people had me on the verge of panic.

Brody took the tray and dishes and set everything on the counter, then pulled me up out of my chair.  "Are you okay?" he asked, a hand on either side of my face.  I nodded.  He frowned skeptically.  "You don't look okay."

"I'm nervous," I admitted.  "I know 50 people is a fairly small wedding, but right now it sounds like so many."

"I have a feeling that once it starts, you'll forget all about them," he murmured, taking his hands off my face to wrap his arms around me.  "I know I will.  As far as I'm concerned, it'll just be you and me."  I nodded, leaning against him and taking a couple deep breaths.  "And you're going to look so beautiful that even if you trip or something, people will still be jealous."  I laughed then andv felt a little calmer.

"Should we test that theory?" I asked, my voice muffled by his shirt.  Now Brody laughed.

"No, let's not," he said.  "Just believe in it."

I stayed for a few more minutes, but then it was time for me to leave to go to Lynn and Lauren's suite to get ready for the day.

Tomorrow's Going to Hurt

Brody made it home shortly after I went to bed around 11:30.  I was still awake, and I rolled over and said hi to him.  He jumped a little, not expecting me to be awake.  "Hi," he said softly.  "Did I wake you up?"

"No, I wasn't asleep yet, I just went to bed," I assured him.  I reached over and flipped on the lamp next to the bed so he could see.  He changed quickly, went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and was in bed with me in 5 minutes.

"You don't have to tell me where we're going," I said, "But can you tell me how to pack?  For real, not 'as little as possible.'"

He chuckled and kissed my shoulder.  "Pack like you packed for Mexico," he said.

"Thank you, I can handle that."  We chatted for a few more minutes, then our conversation dropped off as we both got sleepy.

Brody was, once again, gone when I woke up.  That was the pattern for the rest of the week, as well.  With my mom's help, we finished up all the last minute tasks we could do from afar by lunch on Wednesday.  My parents declined the opportunity to ride with me to the airport to pick up Jen, electing instead to hang out on the deck, which they both loved.

I pulled up outside the airport and spotted Jen right away.  I got out and waved, and she ran over, pulling her suitcase behind her.  "Hi, almost-sister-in-law!" she squealed, letting go of her suitcase to throw her arms around me.  "Thank you so much for coming to get me!"

"Hi!" I greeted her cheerfully.  "And it's no problem at all."  We got her suitcase into my car and took off towards home.  We chatted excitedly the whole way.  I really wish that Jen lived closer, because I adored her.

"So, am I going to get to see my brother at all before Friday?" she asked as we got closer to home.

I snorted.  "I wouldn't count on it," I informed her.  "He's been getting home between 11 and midnight and is gone before I get up in the morning.  He's trying to get as much done as possible before Friday."

"I had a feeling that would be the case," she admitted.  "Oh well, I'd rather hang out with you anyway!"  I laughed and we continued talking until I pulled in the driveway.  I showed Jen to her room and then took her out on the deck to say hi to my parents.  Just like Brody, Jen could talk to anyone, and easily engaged in conversation with my parents, even though she'd only met then once at our surprise engagement party.

My dad grilled pork chops and we ate on the lower level of the deck and hung out with glasses of wine until long after it got dark.  Jen helped me clean up and do the dishes, then went to bed, pleading exhaustion after a long day.  My parents followed shortly after, and I decided to also go to bed.

I was brushing my teeth when I heard the garage door opening.  By the time I was out of the bathroom, Brody was in our room, taking off his tie.  "My sister make it?" he asked.

"She did.  She went to bed about 45 minutes ago."

He frowned.  "I came home a little earlier hoping I'd catch her before she went to bed.  That sucks."

"I'm sure I could cheer you up if you wanted," I said, cocking an eyebrow suggestively at him.

He smiled sadly.  "I love your brand of cheering up, but I am just exhausted," he said.  "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I said.  I smiled as I closed the distance between us and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him.  "I understand completely."

I got in bed while Brody finished getting ready for bed.  He came out of the bathroom, turned off the light, and got into bed, snuggling up to me.  "I changed my mind," he said, kissing the back of my neck.  We had the laziest sex possible, then both fell asleep almost immediately after.

I woke up fairly early the next morning and heard voices downstairs.  I made my way down there and found my parents, Brody, and Jen sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast.  "You guys are loud," I complained grumpily.

"Have some coffee, honey," my mom and Brody said simultaneously.  The table erupted in laughter at this while I rolled my eyes and walked over to the Keurig.

"There's a Cafe Vanilla in there waiting for you," Brody said, turning to watch me.

"You are way too nice to her," my mom informed him.

"You know, Brody, I think we should have made my parents stay in a hotel after all," I grumbled as I grabbed the clean mug sitting next to the Keurig.

"Too late for that," he said.  He was next to me, putting his plate in the sink.  "I'll wash these tonight," he said.

"I'll get them," my mom replied.  "Don't you worry about that."

"Thanks, Karen," he said, grinning at her.  He slid an arm around my waist and kissed my cheek.  "I've got to go, baby.  I'll probably beat you home tonight, if Jen has her way."  I heard Jen giggle from behind me.

"Okay," I replied, still not fully awake.

"Have fun tonight, I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," I replied.  I turned my head so he could kiss me and Jen said, "awwwwww" from the table.

"Can it, little sister," Brody said.  He stopped to ruffle her hair like she was a little kid and she shrieked angrily at him.  He laughed, said goodbye to my parents, and headed out.

Once I was fed, caffeinated, and awake, I took my parents on a brief tour of some of town.  We were meeting Lynn and her parents for lunch after their flight, and in the meantime, I showed them around a bit.  My parents had never been to Denver, and I made them promise to come back sometime when I wasn't getting married in a matter of days so they could be proper tourists.

I was so excited to see Lynn when we met at 1 that I absolutely shrieked and hugged her on the sidewalk like an over-excited child.  "I am so excited you're here!" I yelped, my arms still around her.

"I'm so excited I'm here!" she replied.  When we finally pulled away from each other, I hugged her parents in turn as Lynn hugged mine.  Then I ushered everyone inside because I was starving.  Breakfast was really early, and it was past my normal lunchtime.

The restaurant employees probably hated us, because thanks to Lynn and I, we were the most obnoxious table in the restaurant.  After lunch, I asked Lynn if she wanted to come home with me for the afternoon before we went out.  She happily agreed, and I followed them to their hotel so she could get a change of clothes.

My parents let her sit in the front seat so had more room for her legs, which she still (and maybe never would be able to) couldn't keep bent for long periods of time without pain.  We chatted excitedly the entire way home, while my parents laughed at us from the back seat.

When we got home, Jen greeted Lynn like an old friend and we grabbed a bottle of wine and went out onto the deck.  This was something we'd been doing every day this week and I was happy to soak up the warm sun for as long as possible before winter happened.

Jen wanted us to go out tonight, and had roped Kinsley, Kendra, and Lauren into joining us too.  We were meeting for dinner and then having a few drinks.  Meanwhile, my parents, Lynn's parents, and Lauren's mom were doing the same thing, somewhere else.  Brody had taken my car to work today and left his 4Runner so we had a little more space in the car, since Jen had offered to drive us and my parents into town.

So, while Jen nursed her single glass of wine, Lynn and I quickly finished the rest of the bottle and opened another.  By the time we needed to leave for dinner, I was reasonably drunk, which was hilarious to Lynn.  Probably because she wasn't much better off than I was.

We managed to change and Jen and Lynn admired my expertly applied liquid liner.  "It's impressive for a sober person, and unbelievable for a drunk person," Jen said, ushering us towards the door.

"I'm not drunk," I protested.  Jen and Lynn exchanged looks and burst into laughter.  "Okay, well I'm not a lot drunk," I amended.

"You're the drunkest person in this house," my very not-drunk father informed me.  They were waiting by the door, watching Jen try to gently herd us in that direction.

"And I'm done for the night, because the last thing I need is to get myself hurt," Lynn said.  Accident aside, Lynn had a terrible track record for injuring herself while drinking.  In college she'd actually broken her ankle stepping off a curb funny very late one Saturday night.

"Yeah, we all need to be able to walk on Saturday," I replied.

"And right now we need to move out the door," Jen said.  "Go.  We have reservations."

So out the door we went, finally.  We were only 10 minutes late, which was pretty impressive with how slowly we were moving before we left.  Dinner helped me become more reasonable, but the night quickly got out of hand after that.

"This is like a sort-of bachelorette party," I declared drunkenly as we left one bar that was way too crowded and moved to the next.

"It is now that you're drunk and fun," Lauren joked.

I stopped walking, trying to decide if I wanted to be offended or not.  "It's okay that you think I'm boring," I said finally, starting to walk again.  "I'm okay with that."

Lauren looked at me strangely and Kinsley, who was also pretty drunk, said, "What the fuck are you even talking about?  Did Lauren call you boring?"

Lynn quickly steered the conversation into more neutral territory, and to be honest my memories for the rest of that part of the night are a little patchy.  I do remember that everyone was facilitating my excessive drinking.  I constantly had a drink in my hand, and half the time I didn't even know where they came from.  My glass would be empty, and one of them would pluck it from my hands and replace it with a full one.

Eventually we had to leave and pick up my parents.  I slept through the entire ride home.  "Liv, you have to get up and go to bed," Jen said when we parked.  I felt her gently shaking my shoulder.  "Come on, Liv."

I groaned and turned my head.  I was comfortable.  "I'll sleep here," I slurred.

"Brody will kill me if I let you sleep here.  You should come in and drink some water."

"Jesus, what did you do to her?" Brody's voice sounded really far away as he joined Jen in the garage.  "I've never seen her this drunk."

"Don't look at me," Jen replied, holding her hands up.

"Come on, Liv," Brody said gently.  "Up.  I am not carrying you."  I opened my eyes, glared at him, and then sat up.  Everything spun as I sat up and I groaned.  Brody helped me out of the car and into the house, then sat me down at the kitchen table.  He brought me a glass of water and sat down across from me.

"I want to go to bed," I said.

"You'll thank me tomorrow if you drink that water first," he replied.  I drank half the glass of water, then decided I was hungry.  Brody made me a sandwich, which I ate happily.  Things weren't spinning any longer, though my head was still fuzzy.

"I can't feel my lips," I said, poking at my bottom lip.

Brody laughed and shook his head.  "You are ridiculous when you're really drunk, do you know that?"  I narrowed my eyes, then quickly popped them open all the way because doing that made me dizzy.  Brody laughed again at my expression.

"Fine, you just sit there and laugh.  That's fine.  I'll just eat my sandwich and go to bed."

"That would be great," he said.

By the time my sandwich and water were gone, I was at least able to walk up the stairs without Brody's help, which was an improvement from when we left the bar and Jen had to basically shove me into the car.

Brody sat on the bed while I washed my face and brushed my teeth, talking to me.  "You know, you're a pretty tame drunk," he commented.  "You didn't yell, or cry, or do anything really stupid."

"How do you know I didn't do anything stupid while we were out?" I mumbled around my toothbrush.

"Because Jen texted me that you're the weirdest drunk ever.  She said you just got really cheerful and happy about everything, then got super quiet as you went past the point of reasonably drunk."

"I talk a lot when I'm drunk," I replied after I spit out my mouthful of toothpaste.  I walked out of the bathroom, tugged my shift dress over my head and dropped it on the floor, and got into bed.  "But I don't get drunk much and I already regret it."

"Why?" Brody asked, switching off the light.

"Because tomorrow's going to hurt," I answered, right before I fell asleep.

4th of July

The next morning found my family (plus Brody) falling easily into the 4th of July routine that we'd had for so many years.  My mom, an early riser, got up early and went to the local parade route to find us a spot.  I slept in, because I was useless and crabby in the morning and everyone had a better day if I slept a little longer.  When I got up, Brody was already up and helping my dad get some snacks and drinks into a cooler.

I busied myself getting chairs together for us and loading them into my dad's car.  Brody came out in time to help me shove the last one in.  "So this parade is a big deal, huh?" he asked.

"It's a huge deal," I replied with a laugh.  "It's probably the biggest event of the year here."  Brody smirked, and started to say something, but I silenced him by kissing him.  "You should just keep that thought to yourself," I advised him.  "Don't want to piss off the locals."

"Definitely don't want to do that," he agreed, chuckling.  "Here, watch out."  He nudged my fingers away from the trunk of the car and shut it firmly.

We followed my mom's texted directions and found her along the parade route easily.  We set down the cooler and chairs and I pulled a bottle of hard cider out of the cooler.  "4th of July parades...the best excuse for day drinking that exists!" I said in response to Brody's raised eyebrow.

"So what time does this parade start?" Brody asked.

I pulled out my phone and checked the time.  "About 45 minutes," I replied.

Brody gave me a weird look.  "You guys really are serious about your parades."  I laughed.

"That's why we drink," I responded, reaching in the cooler and handing him a beer.  About halfway through the parade, we got up to wander down the street to find a local business that would let us use the bathroom.  After we found one, we headed back but only made it half a block before I heard someone call my name.  I paused and looked around.  It took a moment, but John made his way through the people and appeared in front of us.

"Hi," he said.  He looked at Brody and nodded.  Brody nodded back.  Such men.

"Hi, John," I replied.  We stood there awkwardly for a second before he went for a delayed, awkward hug.  I hugged him back and then asked, "How are you?"

"Good," he replied smoothly, quickly recovering his charm.  "You look good."  He looked from me to Brody, then back to me, and said, "I heard you guys are getting married soon.  Really soon."

"Good news travels fast," I said with a nervous laugh.  "Yeah, October 3rd."

He nodded.  "Cool.  Well, it was good to see you."  He looked at Brody and added, "You too."

"Yeah," Brody replied.  "Good to see you."

John lifted a hand in a half-hearted wave and then walked away.  "Well," I said, once we were on our way back to where my parents were sitting, "that was weird."

"Yeah, it was," Brody agreed.

We made it back to our spots and relaxed for the rest of the parade.  We went straight from the parade to the spot we'd arranged to meet Ken for lunch, taking my mom's car again.  I grew nervous as we parked and walked towards the restaurant.  Brody could tell, and he slipped an arm around my shoulders and said, "Don't worry.  If he's anything but perfectly well-behaved, we'll leave.  If you're uncomfortable, we'll leave.  I think it will be okay, though."

I nodded and smiled, trying to relax a little.  We were a little early, and Brody's phone rang as we waited outside.  He pulled out it, reaching to silence it, but then frowned.  "It's my mom," he said.  He held up a finger and I nodded.  "Hi, Mom."  He chatted for a few minutes, but I wasn't able to figure out what they were talking about.  When he hung up, he smiled.  "She just wanted to say she was sorry she couldn't come to our party, but that she's looking forward to meeting your parents at some point."

"Did she say why she couldn't come?" I asked curiously.

Brody shook his head.  "No, she didn't, but I'm guessing she just didn't want to travel.  She did so much of it when she married to my dad, she tries to avoid it if she can now."

"That makes sense."

Then he grinned.  "I also think that she's been spending a lot of time with the mysterious man she's been seeing.  I hope so.  I want her to be happy."

Before I could respond, someone spoke behind me.  "I have to admit, I was a little worried you guys wouldn't show up."  I jumped and spun around, startled because I hadn't heard Ken approaching from behind us.

"Sorry," he said, grinning sheepishly.  "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," I replied.  "I'm jumpy sometimes."  I regarded him carefully.  I could see the similarity to Brody in his features, but Ken looked much more like their father than Brody did.

Brody put a hand lightly on my lower back.  "Should we go in?" he asked.  Ken nodded.  Brody motioned to me to go first, and they followed me in.  We were seated quickly.

Once we'd placed our orders, Ken looked at Brody, then me.  "So, I should start with an apology.  I owe one to both of you, but especially you, Olivia."  He looked at me, and I nodded.  He sure did.  "The way I acted at Thanksgiving was completely inappropriate and out of line.  I'm sorry.  And I don't expect you to accept that apology, nor do I really even want you to.  You don't know me, and my apology should mean nothing to you.  But I intend to show you."  I nodded again, not sure what to say.

He turned to Brody, and the two of them regarded each other for several seconds before Ken spoke again.  "I feel like you and I have a lot of things to talk about, and this probably isn't the time or place.  But I'd like to be back in your life."  Brody nodded.  We both were apparently perfectly content to let Ken do most of the talking today.  "Actually, I want to be back in everyone's lives.  I'm moving to Denver.  Well, to Boulder, actually.  My job offered me an opportunity to transfer, and I'm taking it."

"Wow," Brody said.  He sounded uncertain, but he was smiling.  "That's...that's really great, Ken.  It'll be nice having you around.  At least, as long as you keep your shit together and you're nice to my future wife."

Ken laughed.  "I plan to do both," he assured Brody.  "But I don't expect you to take my word for it."

The rest of lunch was uneventful.  I invited Ken back to my parents' house for their cookout, but his flight left in a few hours so he was heading back to his hotel and getting ready to go.  We thanked him for flying in for our party and then he was on his way.

"That was kind of weird," I said, after we were back in my mom's car and on our way back to my parents' house.

"It was definitely unexpected," Brody agreed.  "It seems like he wants things to be different."  Brody didn't sound convinced and I didn't blame him.  This would definitely be an interesting situation to watch play out.  I had to admit that I was relieved Brody wasn't jumping right back on board with Ken.  I was willing to give him a chance, but I was still wary.

We got to my parents' house in time to help them do the last minute setting up, and then sit down and relax for a little bit.  I curled up next to Brody on my parents' outdoor glider/rocker bench and took a sip of my mom's "famous" (at least amongst 4th of July cookout attendees!) sangria.  I handed the glass to Brody to try, and he took a sip and wrinkled his nose, which made me laugh.  "Too sweet," he said, shaking his head and handing the glass back.

"More for me!" I said cheerfully.  "This hasn't exactly been the most relaxing weekend, has it?"

"No," he agreed.  "But I think it's been good.  It's certainly been interesting!"  We stayed parked there until guests started arriving.  I got up to help my parents with food but they shooed me back to the party, saying I should spend time with my friends and family since I didn't get home very often.  Jen, Jack, and Alyssa all came, as well as Lauren and Alex, and I watched them mingle with my friends and family happily.  Jen and Amy especially seemed to really hit it off.

Lynn made her way slowly over to where Brody and I were standing with Jen, Jack, Alyssa, Amy, Lauren, and Alex, and said, "I feel like I've spent so much time with you but haven't really gotten to talk to you."

"I know," I agreed, frowning.

Her face lit up and I cocked an eyebrow, waiting for her to tell me what she was so excited about.  "I talked to my doctor after we talked about your wedding date, and she said we'd make some goals around getting me out there."

I grinned and hugged her.  "That's so awesome!" I replied excitedly.  "You should probably tell her you're going to need to be able to walk down the aisle, because I'm expecting you to be a bridesmaid."

"I'd be really terribly offended if I wasn't," she retorted.  "Plan on me walking down and standing for the ceremony."

"I'll plan on a short ceremony," I teased her.

She glared at me in mock anger, and then laughed.  "That's probably a good plan."

"What are you guys talking about?" Lauren asked, walking over.

"About the wedding you're going to be in in October," I replied.

"Oh," she replied.  "Wait, that I'm going to be in?  Did you just ask me to be a bridesmaid?"

I laughed.  "Yes, that's what I was going for."

"Well I'm glad you haven't completely lost your mind," she said.  "Who else?"

"I think just you two," I answered. "It's such a small wedding, you guys are the only people that I really want."

"Well, I'm just glad you didn't do something dumb to ask us, like make us cakes that say 'Will you be my bridesmaid?'"

"Not all of those things are dumb!" Lynn protested.  "I've seen some cute stuff.  But I'm also glad, because I don't want to eat any cakes that Liv baked."

"Hey!" I exclaimed.

Lauren and Lynn both laughed.  "No, she's right," Lauren agreed.  "You're a great cook, and you do cookies well, but you should stay away from other baked goods.  Baking is not your strength."  I pouted briefly until I realized that they were absolutely right.

My parents' house has the advantage of being within viewing distance of a couple different fireworks displays.  It was always so nice to not have to go anywhere at the end of the night.  It was a big part of the reason my parents did this every year.  Of course, it wasn't quite the same as being directly under them, but it was worth avoiding the crowds and the parking disasters that went along with going to the fireworks spots.

We ended the evening all piled onto two blankets on the lawn, looking around at the various fireworks being shot off.  When we planned this trip, I hadn't planned on being engaged or in the process of planning a wedding that was happening in three months (minus a day now, yikes), but I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate our engagement than with family and friends on one of my favorite holidays.

Surprise!

Thank you guys again for your patience and kind comments this past week.  Also, a reader just pointed out to me that today is my one year blogiversary!  I'm surprised, it snuck up on me.  In honor of that, I will do my damnedest to get you guys some bonus posts this week to thank you for your loyal readership and making a year of Olivia's story possible!  I'd love to post every day this week but it's not practical.  I will post as much as I can, though!  Most of the posts will probably come more towards the end of the week/next weekend.  Thank you all so much for reading, commenting, and helping me keep this story going!
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After we paid for the dress and made arrangements to have it shipped out to me in Denver, because that seemed easiest, I hugged Amy and Lynn, promising to see them tomorrow, and my mom and I headed home.  Brody and my dad were still gone when we got there.

I was exhausted after the long day of trying on dress after dress.  I took a quick shower, because I was sweaty and gross after all the hot, heavy dresses, then laid down to take a quick nap.  Who knows how long after, I woke up to someone pushing the hair out of my face and rubbing my arm.  I rolled over and blinked sleepily, completely disoriented.  Hell of a nap.

"Good morning, beautiful."  Brody's voice.  I sighed and rolled back onto my side; I wanted to go back to sleep.  "Or, evening, rather."  He squeezed my arm and leaned down, kissing my forehead.  "Come on, your parents sent me in to wake you up.  They want to take us out to dinner."

I yawned and stretched, then curled into a ball.  "Not hungry," I replied.  Brody laughed and climbed carefully over my body, settling himself in bed with me.  It was relatively dark in the room, and when I squinted at the clock, I realized I had been sleeping for almost 3 hours.  No wonder I was having such a hard time waking up.  Brody wrapped an arm around me and I snuggled back against him, letting my eyelids droop shut again.

He stroked my arm gently, his fingertips running from my elbow to wrist, then wrist to elbow, over and over.  "I heard you found a dress," he said softly.  I nodded.  "I had a feeling you might.  Do you love it as much as your mom does?"

"I do," I answered.  "I can't wait for you to see it."

"Luckily for both of us, we won't have to wait too long."

I nodded again, slowly waking up.  "How was kayaking?"

"It was fun," he replied.  "I'm glad we went."

I smiled to myself.  "I am too.  Thanks for hanging out with my dad."

Brody threaded his fingers through mine and said, "He's a pretty cool guy."  I smiled again.

We laid there for awhile longer until I was finally awake enough to get up.  My hair was a disaster from my nap and I fought with it for about 10 minutes before I just threw it up in a high, messy bun.  I changed into a light summer sundress and decided to have some fun with my makeup.  I smoothed my favorite BB cream over my skin, used just a hint of a coral cheek stain, and set it with a light dusting of a perfecting finishing powder.  Then I pulled out my eye makeup.  I did a subtle smoky eye with a variety of matte gray shadows, then lined my top lash line with a navy blue liquid liner, and the bottom with a sparkly teal shadow.  Two coats of mascara finished it off.

"You look beautiful," Brody said when I walked back into my room from the bathroom.  He was rolling up the sleeves on his casual button down and I walked over to help.  He let me take over, and I felt his eyes traveling my body.  "It's not fair for you to look so good when there's nothing I can do about it."

I smirked up at him.  "Just imagine how much fun we'll have when we get home then," I replied, before I turned and walked out, knowing his eyes were following me right out the door.

When we got out to the living room, only my dad was there.  "Your mom went ahead to try to get a table," he explained.  I gave him a weird look.  That didn't make any sense.  We could have just called.  "Brody and I had a great time kayaking today," he continued, as the three of us walked out the door.  "I hear you had a successful day dress shopping, too."

"We did," I agreed.  I tried to sit in the backseat so Brody could be comfortable in the front, but he insisted on me sitting in the front.  We drove into Madison and parked near one of my favorite restaurants.

"Mom texted that she got a table," my dad said as we walked inside. "She said she's towards the back."  We wove our way through, looking around for her, but didn't see her anywhere.  "Maybe she's downstairs," he said.

"She's not downstairs," I replied, shaking my head.  "The only thing down there is their private party room."

"Well, I think we should check," he insisted.  I started to argue, but he started down the stairs anyway, leaving us now choice but to follow.

When we got downstairs, I continued to argue with him as he headed towards the door to the private party room.  "You can't just go in there!" I said.  "What if there's a party in there?"

"There is," he replied.  I looked at him in confusion, but when he swung the door open, my mouth dropped open.  There certainly was a party in there.  The room was full of my family and friends, plus Jack, his girlfriend, and Jen.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, looking around.  Next to me, Brody looked just as surprised.

Amy came skittering out of the crowd and hugged me, with Lynn following behind her.  "It's a surprise engagement party!" she said excitedly.

"I see that," I replied, still in awe.  I turned to Brody.  "Did you know about this?"  He shook his head, then squeezed my hand before walking over to Jack, Alyssa, and Jen.  Lauren and Alex appeared and my eyes widened.  "What are you doing here?" I squealed, throwing my arms around Lauren.  She hugged me back quickly and then disentangled herself.

"Get a grip," she said, shaking her head.  Then she laughed.  "When your mom called, we changed our plane tickets so we could be here to help surprise you."  She shrugged, like it had been the easiest thing ever.  We'd only been engaged for two weeks, I was completely overwhelmed by all the people that had made last minute plans--including buying plane tickets!--to be here for this.

"We helped your mom get a hold of Jack and Jen, because she didn't want it to only be your friends and family," Alex chimed in, hugging me.  "And Jen got a hold of Ken."

"Whoa, what?" I asked.  "Is he here?"  I looked around, but there were too many people in the room.

"Yeah, somewhere," Alex replied.  "I saw him earlier.  Jen introduced me to him."  I was both shocked that he had come, and nervous about how he'd act.

I didn't have much time to think about it.  My mom came up next to me and put her arm around my shoulders.  "Mom!" I exclaimed.  "This is amazing."  I hugged her.

She grinned at me.  "I'm glad you think so, because it was quite the scramble to make it happen."

"I'm sure.  I had no idea."  She kissed the top of my head, and I looked up at her.  "And thank you for making sure to get a few of Brody's people here too, that was really thoughtful."

"Thank Lauren for it.  She and her boyfriend tracked them all down.  He's a nice guy too."

"Alex?  Yeah, he is," I agreed.

I started to say more, but my cousin Celeste came screeching through the people and almost ran me over.  "Oliviaaaaa!" she shrieked.  "You didn't tell me!"

I hugged her back and then eased away.  "Sorry, Celeste.  We haven't been engaged very long and I haven't done a great job of telling people."

"Clearly," she retorted.  Then she grinned and hugged me again.  "I don't even care, I'm so excited!"  I laughed.

I made the rounds, saying hi to family members and friends.  We'd been there almost 45 minutes before I finally made my way over to Brody, Jen, Jack, and Alyssa.  I saw Ken had joined them, as well.  Jen threw her arms around me, and then I hugged Jack as well.  I had lost track of how many people I'd hugged at this point.  "I can't believe your parents did this," Brody said, slipping an arm around my waist and pulling me in close to him.

"I can't either," I said.

I caught Ken watching us, and I blushed and smiled shyly at him.  "Congratulations," he said sincerely.

"Thank you," I replied.  "And thank you for coming."

"Yeah, well I owed you guys one," he said.

I was about to reply when my stomach growled loudly.  Brody and Jen both laughed.  "Let's get something to eat," Brody said.  He pointed to a buffet table that was set up along the wall.  I hadn't even noticed it.  He kept his arm tightly around me as we walked over there.  "This is crazy," he said, as we grabbed plates.  "Your parents are amazing."

"I had no idea they were planning something," I replied, shaking my head.

"It was really great of them to invite my family and Jack."

I smiled at him as we filled our plates with food, and sat down at the table where Lynn had parked herself.  Within a few minutes, we were once again surrounded by family and friends.  We chatted with them, spreading the word about our October 3rd wedding date.  Luckily, everyone that was at the party was also on the tentative guest list we'd made.  Most people were surprised, and more than a couple glanced suspiciously at my glass of wine.  I wanted to hang a sign around my neck that said, "No, I'm not pregnant."  Even so, it sounded like most people wanted to try to attend.

Ken approached us as the crowd of people around us began to dwindle.  He sat down and said, "I know you guys probably have plans tomorrow for the 4th, but if you have some time, I'd love to take you both out to breakfast or lunch before I fly back, if there's somewhere that's open."

Brody looked at me.  "What's on the agenda for tomorrow?"  I read in the look he gave me that this was my out.  If I didn't want to, all I had to do was say we were booked all day.

I nodded.  "There will definitely be some places open.  We'll go to the parade in the morning, and my parents have their annual cookout that starts at about 2, but we should have time for lunch if that works for you."  Under the table, Brody squeezed my knee, a silent "thank you."

Ken agreed to lunch and we settled on a time and place.  Brody turned to say something to me after Ken had said goodbye and walked away, but we were interrupted by some of my family members coming to say goodbye.

We stayed and tried to help my parents clean up, but they shooed us away.  My mom gave us the keys to her car and told us to stay as long as we wanted.  We ended up heading up to the bar area of the main restaurant with Jen, Lauren, Alex, Amy, Jack, and his girlfriend Alyssa.  Lynn had headed home a little earlier.  We found a table to cram into in the bar and ordered drinks.

"I just can't believe you guys came," Brody said to Jack, Jen, and Alyssa.  I agreed and immediately extended the invitation to my parents' cookout to all of them.  Jen promptly informed me that my parents had already invited them all.  They really did think of everything.

We stayed until Brody started yawning.  Since he was driving, seemed like a good time to leave.  We thanked everyone again for coming and walked out to my mom's car.  Once we were settled in the car and on the way back to my parents' house, Brody said, "Thank you for agreeing to go to lunch with my brother.  You have no reason to like him, and I don't know what's going to happen with my relationship with him, but I'm really happy you're willing to give him a shot."

I shrugged, though Brody probably couldn't see.  "It says something to me that he was willing to come all the way here, especially on such short notice.  It's really cool that Jack and Jen came too."

"Yeah, it is," Brody agreed, glancing over at me and smiling.  We made the rest of the drive in comfortable silence.

We came in quietly, so as not to wake my parents.  We got ready for bed quickly and settled next to each other under the blankets.  "Are we going to have a wedding party?" I asked, realizing that this was one thing we hadn't talked about.

"I'd like to," Brody replied.  "It seems silly to have a big wedding party with such a small wedding, though."

"Well, who would you want?" I asked.

He answered instantly, without any hesitation.  "Jack and Alex."

"Lauren and Lynn," I replied.  "Looks like we're set.  Two and two."

Brody pressed a kiss to my shoulder and then tightened his arm around me.  "Looks like it," he agreed.

(Then/Now) Ken: We All Changed

Whew, I did it!  This was a tough post to write for several reasons.  Hopefully it sheds some light on Ken and the Adler family dynamic in general.  My plan is to have at least one more regular storyline post up later this week.  My best guess is Thursday.  Thank you for your patience with my somewhat erratic posting schedule!  It's what's easiest for me right now and what gets you guys the best posts I can write.
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When Heather died, we all changed a little.  The asshole that called himself our father increased his extracurricular activities and general dickishness.  Our mom retreated even further into the hollow, submissive, vacant-eyed persona she'd adopted as her own once our father's indiscretions and controlling actions became too obvious to ignore.  Jen tried to pretend like nothing was different, but she was more emotional, whinier, and much more needy.  She followed Brody around like a puppy, desperate for someone to just take care of her.  Brody, for his part, obliged her.  Actually, he took care of mom and Jen.  Always subtly--it wouldn't have done for mom to catch on and think that he thought she was incapable.  But she was.  Not physically, but emotionally.

Heather had always been the golden child.  Valedictorian of her high school class, captain of the dance team, and of course, Homecoming queen to boot.  It came naturally to her, and she graciously accepted each honor in turn, genuinely surprised but still charming as hell.  Once she was gone, Brody usurped the golden child role.  He had always been hot on her heels, but never quite at her level.  He was a natural choice to replace her as the brightest shining Adler child.  And I resented him for it, even though he had very little control over it.

Me?  Well...I watched everyone fall into their new roles and adjust to their new lives as I slowly self-destructed.  I was 20 when Heather died; just barely older than Heather herself was when some unknown, worthless motherfucker destroyed her car and left her to die in a ditch on the side of the highway.  We were close in age, and close as siblings.  Heather had covered for me when I was out getting into trouble, and I had facilitated the few devious and unwholesome things she'd managed between dance practices and tutoring at-risk middle schoolers.

I was close to Brody too, but in a different way.  Brody was still working on his filter, and I'd spent our elementary and middle school years protecting him in a way that Heather never needed.  It was almost weekly at some points:  Brody would run his mouth to the wrong kid on the playground (usually someone older and bigger, because the kid had more balls than brains at that point), and I'd have to swoop in and save the day.  I lost track of how many kids I beat up in the name of protecting my idiotic little brother.  Someone with a little more sense might have been embarrassed that his older brother had to save his ass on a regular basis, but I think Brody enjoyed it.  I can't say I blame him...no one else was protecting us from anything, so I'm sure it was reassuring to him to know that if nothing else, I had his back.

As he got older, he learned when to keep his mouth shut, and he no longer needed me to protect him.  He learned this lesson the hard way, mostly through butting heads with our father and becoming the victim of his special brand of psychological warfare.  This led to me cementing my black sheep role in the family by sticking my neck out to try to protect Brody (who, half the time, had no idea he was being manipulated and controlled) once again, this time from our own flesh and blood.  By the time Heather died, Brody had finally figured him out and he really didn't need me to watch out for him anymore.  I was displaced from two roles at the same time, and then had to watch Brody step seamlessly into Heather's role.

So I did what any reasonable person would do, and I drank myself into oblivion.  It started with a night or two a week, and it progressed until it was more nights than not.  And eventually, alcohol wasn't enough, and I was stumbling in the door at 4 in the morning, drunk as hell as higher than a kite.  I stuck mostly to marijuana but occasionally popped pills.  I also tried acid, Ecstasy, and almost tried heroin once.  I'm glad I decided not to.

My mom ignored my drinking and drug use for a long time.  It was like she couldn't even be bothered to worry about me when she was mourning one golden child, admiring the next, and trying not to screw up the baby of the family.  I was an adult now, free to make my own choices.  Brody, on the other hand, pleaded with me to clean up my act.  He hounded me to come to his football games, his track meets.  And I just couldn't.  I couldn't sit and watch him become the new star of the family.  He didn't need me anymore.  No one did.

I was surprised when my mom finally told me I needed to move out.  She had finally reached her breaking point, and according to her, she "just couldn't watch me ruin my life anymore."  I was pissed.  She hadn't tried to stop me from "ruining my life" prior to this moment.  Brody was gone by this point, and I'd never been close to Jen, so there was no one to advocate for me.  No one left who gave a shit.

I moved in with some "friends."  I say it like that because they were not so much friends as they were using buddies.  They were out of bedrooms, but they let me sleep on the couch in return for chipping in for groceries and utilities.  It was a really great place to be staying when all I wanted to do was get drunk, get high, and forget about all the shitty things.  I talked to Brody occasionally.  He called me, I never called him.  He told me all about his conquests, the notches in his bedpost always increasing.

Our conversations got further and further apart as I grew more and more disgusted with the way he was acting.  Don't get me wrong, I'd had my fair share of casual sex, but I couldn't hold a candle to my brother.  My baby brother that I used to beat kids up for.  Now he was out fucking every girl in Miami.

I haven't yet decided if my trip completely off the rails is related to my brother's antics, or the timing was a complete coincidence.  Either way, I found myself drinking even more, smoking even more, popping even more pills.  By the time two months had gone by since my last conversation with Brody, I was swallowing a handful of Vicodin every morning, chasing it with a shot of vodka, and following it up with a couple Ritalin to fight the more obvious side effects of the Vicodin.  I went to work with another handful of Vicodin in one pocket, and 1 or 2 Ritalin in the other.  I needed them just to get through the day.

3 weeks later, I'd lost my job.  I'd been late too many times, made too many mistakes, went home "sick" too often.  A month after that, I landed in detox after a drunken/high fight with the friend whose house I was still crashing at.  We'd yelled, thrown a few punches, and he'd finally told me to get out before he called the cops.  I'd stumbled out, too fucked up to have any idea what I was actually doing, and passed out in someone's yard.  They'd called the police, who'd taken me to detox, and there I was, shivering and sweating on a thin hospital mattress, positive I was going to die.

When I'd woken up there, I had no idea where I was.  I had only a hazy memory of someone waking me up and putting me in a car.  Everything after that was lost to the blackout.  I'd ripped an IV out of my arm when I woke in a panic.  I was so sick.  I needed a fix, but it clearly wasn't going to happen.

It took 5 days until I felt decent enough to attempt to eat something.  7 before I wanted to get out of bed.  It took the entire first month of rehab for the scabs to heal from where I'd scratched furiously at my skin as I detoxed, unable to shake the feeling of bugs crawling under its surface.  It was two months before I started to feel how I vaguely remembered feeling before I started drinking and using.

But with feeling "normal" again came all the feelings about Heather's death that I'd been fighting.  It was a solid year before I was ready to get back in touch with any of my family members.  Surprisingly, I ended up talking to Jen the most.  She'd always been the most forgiving of my siblings, and that hadn't changed.  She was the one that talked me into coming to Thanksgiving a couple times.

Things with Brody remained strained and tense.  He'd reached out to me a few times while I was in rehab.  He'd wanted to come visit.  I just couldn't see him though, I wasn't ready.  He took it personally, and I don't blame him.  He was the one that had gotten a call from the police the night they'd picked me up, because he was in my phone as "Little Brother", and was the only obvious family member.  Dad was in as "Asshole" and mom was under "Thalia" because I didn't ever want her to get that phone call from the police.  Even with as low as I was, I had recognized the possibility.  I wish he hadn't been tasked with filling in mom and Jen.  I was grateful that he hadn't told dad.  That was one of the best decisions he's ever made, and I appreciated it more than I'd ever tell him.

When Brody brought Olivia to Thanksgiving, I was confused.  She was nothing like how I'd imagined the girls he "dated".  She seemed like an actual nice girl.  I didn't know what to make of that, and I instantly got angry that he'd bring a perfectly nice girl around for a holiday as though he had any serious intentions.  I'd lashed out at her, hoping she wouldn't get too comfortable here.

Jen had made it very clear what she thought of my behavior.  She'd knocked twice on my bedroom door after dinner and then barged in without waiting for me to answer.  "What the hell, Jen?" I snapped.

"No, don't you 'what the hell, Jen?' me," she retorted.  "What the fuck was that?"

"What the fuck was what?" I asked mildly, even though I knew damn well what she was talking about.

"Why were you such a jackass to her?"

"Why were you so nice to her?" I challenged in return.

Jen's jaw dropped.  Even for being the most forgiving of my family members, she also had the most fiery temper.  "Because she's a guest and I have manners?" she shot back.  "Because she's Brody's girlfriend?  Because there was absolutely no legitimate reason to not be nice to her?"

I snorted.  "None of that means you need to be her champion.  She's not going to last, Jen.  Don't get attached."

"I see very little has changed," she muttered.

I sat up and put my hands on her arms.  "Listen to me, Jennifer.  If you want to talk about how little someone has changed, look at your other brother.  Your favorite brother.  He views women as nothing more than conquests, as challenges, as objects meant solely for his pleasure.  You think that 'nice girl' out there is going to put up with that for long?  She'll get tired of being bought soon enough and she'll be out the door.  I'm pissed at him for even bringing her here and giving mom hope that her golden boy might someday settle down and give her some nice prodigy grandchildren."

"No, you listen to me, Kenneth!" she hissed back.  "It doesn't matter what Brody's intentions are.  You can't just treat the poor girl like shit because you don't approve of Brody's....habits.  And you haven't heard the way he talks about her.  I have.  This is different.  She's different.  He's different.  So if you can't fucking behave yourself around her, maybe you should just go ahead and stay in this room by yourself tonight so you don't make a fool out of all of us.  She already has to deal with dad tomorrow, she doesn't need your bullshit too!"  Then, in true Jen fashion, she spun on her heel and stormed out of my room, leaving me with no chance to respond.

The entire exchange was enough for me to want to back away from family business again.  Mom called, Jen called, Brody even called a couple times.  I got the news of my father's idiocy through a phone call from an FBI agent.  I got the news of his death in a voicemail after Jen had tried three times to call and actually talk to me.

For some reason, when I listened to Brody's voicemail announcing that he had proposed to his girlfriend--the same one from Thanksgiving even, I'd decided to call him back.  I wasn't entirely sure what my purpose was in doing so.  His response to me calling him out for leaving his news in a voicemail was just as smooth and smarmy as I expected, and it grated on my nerves.  But when I spat out an insult about our dad, I was surprised by the regret I felt instantly.  Brody had been closest to him, despite how awful he was, and now he was dead.  And I didn't have any idea how Brody felt about that.  When I apologized, something in my head changed.  I suddenly wanted that apology to mean so much more than it did.  I wanted it to mean that I was sorry for not doing a better job of protecting him from our dad.  I wanted it to mean that I was sorry for not being there for him after Heather died.  I wanted it to mean that I was sorry he had to get the phone call from the police, and even sorrier than I refused to see or speak to him after that.  I wanted it to mean that I was sorry that I had let my life get so far out of my control that I had damaged our relationship in ways that it might not ever heal.

But I didn't say any of those things.  And I'll probably never know whether or not he felt those things in the silence that followed.  But I do know that when he cracked a joke, the entire tone of the conversation changed.  It wasn't even close to what it used to be, but it was better than it had been.  When I hung up, I wondered if it was possible to get things back on good terms.  I wasn't sure, but I knew I had to try.