(Now) Lauren: This is Why I Don't Get Drunk

I am drunk.

Not wasted, but drunk enough to be a little ridiculous.  I hate being drunk.  I really prefer being in complete control of myself as much as possible.  But between the open bar and dreading having to spend the night in a hotel room with Damien and Kinsley (why did I think that was a good idea?), I am drunk.

"Need another one?" Alex asks me, as I drain the drink in my hand.

I stand without even looking at him.  "Yup," I say, and he joins me as I walk to the bar.

As we walk, he slings his arm casually around my shoulders.  "This is the most drunk I've ever seen you."  I look at him out of the corner of my eye, but quickly shake my head and focus forward again, because that makes me dizzy.

"Yeah," I reply, not sure what else to say.

"And speechless too?  Tonight is a night for the record books."  Alex chuckles as I glare at him.

"Shut up, asshole," I say, but I'm rolling my eyes and fighting a laugh myself.  We get our drinks and head back to the table.  Brody, Damien, and Kendra's brother are deep in conversation about something, and Liv and Kinsley are dancing. 

"So what's up?" Alex asks me.

I look at him curiously.  "What do you mean?"

"You've been distracted all day, and you're drunk.  Why?"

What am I supposed to say to that?  "Well, to be honest, I'm thinking about how last night I accidentally had the best sex I've ever had in my entire life with my coworker that I shouldn't be having sex with"?  Probably not.  Luckily, I'm saved from answering by the arrival of a breathless Liv and Kinsley.  Liv and Brody disappear outside and Kinsley sits practically on top of Damien.  Maybe they'll leave soon so they can do whatever they're going to do and then pass out before I get back to the room.

After a few minutes, Damien and Kinsley do leave, and Kendra's brother wanders away too.  I'm relieved for a second, until I become incredibly conscious of Alex's eyes on me.  "I can't believe I thought it was a good idea to share a room with them," I say quickly, trying to fight the weird feeling I'm getting from his gaze.  It's not bad weird, just weird.

Alex doesn't say anything for several seconds, then he says, "I have my own room."  That's it.  Just that he has his own room.

"That's excellent," I mutter sarcastically.  What good does that do me?  Rub it in some more.

He chuckles.  "You could stay with me."  When I look at him weirdly, he quickly adds, "There are two beds."

I'm considering this when Liv and Brody hurry back in.  Liv's face is flushed from the cold and she looks...strange.  Not really upset, but not really happy either.  They grab their stuff, say goodnight, and leave.

From there, the night gets kind of ugly.  Alex and I spend some time making the rounds of our college friends that are in attendance and quickly learn about Savannah's confrontation of Liv and Brody.  At some point, Savannah makes quite a scene, and it's after this that Alex and I decide we're done with the reception.  I'm wobbly, and he isn't too sober himself, but he's more stable than I am.  I almost tip over on my heels as we wait for the elevator and he quickly hooks an arm around my waist.  "Easy," he murmurs, tightening his arm a little more than necessary.  I realize that I don't mind standing close to him, and I lean against him, tired and ready to take my shoes off.

The elevator is excruciatingly slow, and my eyelids are getting heavy as we wait.  When the doors finally open in front of us, it takes me a minute to react to Alex gently tugging me inside.  He leans against the back wall and I lean against his chest, wondering how I've never noticed how good he smells.  "Your room or mine?" he asks, as the elevator starts its equally slow ascent.

"Huh?" I ask, looking up at him in confusion.

"Are you going to brave your own room, or did you want to stay with me?"

"Fuck them," I reply.  "I'm not going in there.  I'll stay with you."  Alex chuckles and wraps his other arm around me too.  I relax against him until the elevator dings and stops.  He shifts me to his side and keeps one arm around my waist, and I briefly wonder if it's still to keep me steady, or if he has ulterior motives.  I'm still debating in my head if I have ulterior motives, when we arrive at his room.

He pulls open the door and sits on the edge of one of the beds.  He doesn't bother turning any of the overhead lights on, and there is only the lamp next to his bed keeping me from walking straight into the wall.  I immediately step out of my shoes and wiggle my toes happily.  Alex has taken off his shoes and untucked his shirt, and is struggling with his bowtie.  "Here," I say.  "Let me help."  I step over to him and quickly get it untied.  I leave it hanging from his neck and look up, suddenly acutely aware of how close we are to each other.  "Um," I stammer, "I don't have...I need..."

"I have an extra shirt and shorts you can wear," he says softly, picking up on what I'm not getting out of my mouth.

"Thanks," I reply.  Neither of us move, and we're both just staring at each other from inches away.  "Alex?" I whisper, letting my hand that was hovering near the end of his bowtie settle onto his chest.

"Yeah?" he answers, but I don't get a chance to reply because he's closed the tiny distance between us and he's kissing me.  His lips press against mine and then he's sucking gently on my bottom lip, sending a shiver up my spine.

For some reason, I pull away.  "Alex," I repeat, a little breathlessly.  He looks at me curiously.  "I..."  But then I don't know why I'm talking and not kissing him, and I kiss him again.  He grips my hips, pulling me tightly against him, and I can feel how badly he wants me.

His hands travel up my sides and one hand cups the back of my head while the other traces a path down my throat, over my collarbone, and to the edge of the neckline of my dress.  I start to unbutton his shirt as his hand continues on its path, grazing lightly over my breast, down my stomach, back across my hip and down my leg.  He pauses briefly at the hem of my dress before sliding his palm back up my leg, beneath my dress.

I moan softly into our kiss as his fingertips brush against my underwear, and he quickly pulls them down.  I kick them away as his fingers return to the spot where they had just been, only now there's nothing between his skin and mine.  I gasp as he makes contact with me, and I pull my lips from his so I can press my forehead against his shoulder.  He moves his fingers away and I groan in disappointment, but he quickly finds the zipper of my dress and soon it's joining my underwear on the floor.  I push his shirt off his shoulders and quickly go for his pants, tugging his belt off and shoving them down.

When we've finally gotten rid of the rest of our clothes, I lay back on the bed and he slides up next to me, his fingers running slowly up my leg.  I moan again as fingers return to where I so desperately want them.

We're so caught up in it that we almost forget a condom.  Alex remembers at the last second and jumps up, rifling through his bag.  I curse myself.  I'm usually a lot more careful.  This is why I don't get drunk.  I forget my thoughts as Alex returns and eases into me, and all I can think about is why haven't we done this sooner?

When we're done, laying next to each other, I briefly consider going back to my room.  Kinsley and Damien must be asleep by now, right?  But when Alex rolls onto his side and pulls me against him, I let myself relax and finally slip into the semi-drunk sleep that's been tugging at me for the last hour.

I wake up feeling surprisingly good.  A little bit of a headache, a dry mouth.  Other than that, I feel better than I deserve to.  I'm still basking in my self-congratulatory no-hangover haze when I remember the night before.  Oh, shit.  Shit, shit, shit.  What did I do?  I'm in Alex's room, in Alex's bed, and my clothes are scattered all over the room.  This is why I don't get drunk.

Alex's arm is flung over my back haphazardly.  I ease out from under it slowly, trying not to wake him up.  I'm successful, and I manage to get myself almost completely dressed before he stirs, rolling over to look at me.  "There's that brunch," I say softly, feeling a desperate need to provide an excuse for why I'm trying to sneak out of his room.  He nods and squints at the clock.  It's a little after 8.  I finished zipping up my dress.  My feet protest as I slide them back into my shoes from last night.  "I, um, need to go back to my room to get ready," I continue.  Why does this feel so weird?  Alex and I have known each other forever, it's a wonder we haven't ended up in this predicament sooner.

"Okay," he says, stifling a yawn.  I'm tired too, and I'm surprised to realize that I want nothing more than to crawl back into bed with Alex, and go back to sleep for a little while.  But I can't.  This shouldn't have happened.

"See you at brunch," I whisper, backing towards the door.  He nods and shuts his eyes as I turn and slip out.

The whole walk to my room I'm trying to figure out what I'll tell Kinsley and Damien.  Certainly not that I slept with Alex last night.  I finally settle on claiming that we left the reception so late that I didn't want to disturb them by coming in and getting ready for bed, so I just stayed in Alex's room.  In the other bed.  The other bed that didn't even get a second glance.  My hands are shaky as I push the keycard into the reader and the light flashes red the first time.  I take a deep breath and do it again, and this time the green light gives me entry into the room.

I celebrate silently when I find Kinsley and Damien still asleep.  I grab clothes out of my bag quickly so I can get in the shower and maybe pretend I was here the whole time.  By the time I emerge from the bathroom, clean and dressed, Kinsley and Damien are up.  "What time did you get back last night?" Kinsley asks me brightly.  "We didn't hear you come in."

"Um, I'm not sure actually," I lie.  "It was pretty late.  You guys were out cold!"

"I guess we were," Kinsley agrees.  I quickly distract them by filling them in on Savannah's antics that they missed the night before.  It does the trick, and no one cares about what time I (didn't) get in last night.

I'm nervous as we go down for brunch.  Will Alex say anything?  Will it be weird?  But when we see him, he smiles warmly the same way he always would have, and I relax a little.  The four of us are quickly chatting easily, and then Brody and Liv make it down and I fill Liv in on what happened the night before, after she and Brody left.  The Savannah stuff, I mean.  Not the me and Alex having drunk sex stuff.

As we head towards our rooms to get our stuff packed up and get checked out, Alex puts a hand on my arm.  "Keep me company on the way back?" he asks.  He drove himself up, and I rode with Kinsley and Damien.  I frantically rack my brain for an excuse to not ride with him, but I can't think of one, so I agree.  He smiles and heads for his room.

The hour long ride is awkward.  I can tell that Alex wants to talk about the night before, but I refuse to bring it up, and he doesn't either.  Instead, I ramble on about anything else that I can think of.  From time to time, I think I see a flash of irritation on Alex's face, but maybe I'm imagining it. 

I'm so relieved when Alex parks in front of my apartment complex.  "Let me help you bring your stuff up," he offers.

"I can get it," I reply quickly.

"Don't be stupid, Lauren," he says, turning off his car and rolling his eyes.  "I'll help you."  His tone isn't quite as light as it might usually be when says something like that, and I'm a little taken aback.  I exhale a long sigh and get out of the car.

We're silent as we walk up the stairs to my apartment.  I unlock the door and Alex sets my bag carefully on the floor inside the entryway.  "Thanks," I say softly, suddenly feeling very nervous.

"You're welcome," he replies.  "I'm always happy to help you, Lauren."  I had been looking at my bag, but when he says that, my eyes snap up to his.  He's staring at me, and his eyes are intense.  He looks like he wants to kiss me, and when his eyes flick down to my lips, it confirms my suspicions.

"Well," I say quickly, "I have lots of things to do today.  Thanks for the ride.  I'll see you Thursday?"

Disappointment flashes in his eyes and he takes a half a step back.  "Yeah.  I'll see you Thursday.  Bye, Laur."  Without waiting for me to say goodbye, he turns and walks out, pulling my door firmly shut behind him. 

(Now) Savannah: The Apology

"Seriously?" I asked Kendra, rolling my eyes at her and huffing out a frustrated breath.  I was beyond irritated that she had just asked me if I'd be able to leave Olivia and Brody alone at the wedding.  "What do you think I am, an immature child?"

"Sometimes, yes," Kendra replied evenly.  "It's my wedding, Savannah.  The last thing I need is a scene.  And if you're the cause of it, how will that look?  You're a bridesmaid."

"No one there cares about me anyway," I muttered.  I sounded like a snotty, spoiled brat, but I didn't even care.

Kendra rolled her eyes.  "You should try apologizing then."

I'd had just about enough of this.  "Apologizing for what?  I didn't know that everything would happen."

She just looked at me pointedly.  It was clear she didn't believe that at all.  I glared back at her.  Kendra was supposed to be one of my best friends, but now I didn't even get invited over when she had people at her house, because Brody and Olivia got their stupid little feelings hurt.

"Look," Kendra said, her voice a bit gentler now, "They're happy now.  If you could just apologize and stay out of their relationship, maybe people would be okay with you coming back and hanging out sometimes." 

"Whatever, I'll think about it," I responded, before changing the subject.  And I did think about it.  I thought about how sorry I wasn't.  It's not my fault their budding relationship couldn't survive a short trip to Miami.  And anyway, it didn't seem like Olivia had even been too broken up about it.  She certainly didn't waste any time moving on, from what I heard.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was pretty miserable since the happy couple had gotten back together and that fucking stupid bitch Allie had ratted me out.  (She was going to pay for that, by the way.)  I no longer had Allie, and I couldn't hang out with Kendra most of the time.  No one else really liked me in that stupid little group, but they tolerated me at least, and it was worth it to see Brody.

So a week later, I walked into the bar where they were all doing their stupid happy hour and scanned the tables.  I spotted Kendra and walked over.  I needed to tell her that I wasn't able to get the Friday of the rehearsal dinner off.  she already knew I probably couldn't, so I could have just called her, but I needed an excuse to run into Olivia and Brody.  I cringed inwardly at the thought of them thinking that I wanted to apologize to them, but that was what manipulation was all about....letting other people think they have the upper hand.

I sat down and filled Kendra in, and we chatted for a few minutes.  I said hi to Alex and Lauren and Christian, but neither Olivia nor Brody were there.  I waited for close to 15 minutes but then I couldn't stick around any longer without looking suspicious.  I walked out, irritated that I had wasted my time.

***

I hate weddings.  But this wedding was giving me an excuse to stare at Brody in a tux, so it was probably the best wedding I've ever been to.  I frowned when I saw Olivia, Lauren, Kinsley, and some guy walk over towards him.   I felt a huge stab of jealousy when I watched Brody's eyes travel appreciatively up and down Olivia's body, and a second stab when he kissed her, briefly but tenderly.

My teeth ground on their own as I watched them.  Everything about their body language screamed that they were in love, from the way she leaned in to beam up at him to his hand resting lightly on her hip, where it had been since the second she was within his reach.  It was a vaguely possessive gesture, as if he was worried that everyone else would appreciate her dress as much as he seemed to (it was actually a really great dress, but she ruined it with her cheap-looking shoes). 

"Savannah!"  I turned, snapping out of my jealous daze.  Kendra's sister, Nikki, was looking at me impatiently.  "We need to go.  What are you even looking at?"

"Nothing important," I muttered, following after her.

The wedding was nice enough, but it was hard to pay attention standing in the stupidly uncomfortable shoes that Kendra made us wear.  I guess some people can't afford to pay a lot for shoes, but I think it's worth it so you don't feel like you're standing on broken glass after 15 minutes.  But of course, no one asked me.

I was seated at a table with a bunch of acquaintances from college, and dinner was painfully boring and uncomfortable.   I humored one of the guys who was blatantly hitting on me, because it helped me pass the time.  The whole time, I kept one eye on the table that contained Brody and Olivia.  I was irritated with myself for caring so much, but I thought maybe I could catch them at a good time and throw out my apology.

My chance came when I saw them walk out onto the patio together, a couple hours after dinner.  I hastily excused myself from...Chris?  Craig?  I can't even remember.  Anyway, I stepped quickly out onto the patio behind them, rehearsing my apology in my head.

Liv was hostile right off the bat, which surprised me.  I honestly didn't think she had it in her.  It threw off my plan, which left me a little irritated.  But I was even more surprised by Brody's response.  Even though his voice was calm, I could tell he was pissed and didn't want anything to do with my apology.

I got annoyed really quickly at their united self-righteous insistence that I was out to ruin people's lives, one unsuspecting victim at a time.  Could they be any more dramatic?  It was almost as bad as listening to Mother rant about how the poor people are responsible for all the bad things in the world. I lost my cool pretty quickly, and I knew this wasn't going to work.  So when Brody told me to leave, I was happy to.

I nearly ran over one of Kendra's cousins or something, and then I walked right into Chris/Craig/whoever as I came back in.  He nearly spilled his drink but quickly recovered to walk with me towards the bar.  I patronized him for about one and a half more drinks, and then I left abruptly for the dance floor.  I danced with some of the other wedding party members, and then everything after that is a little bit blurry.

I woke up in my hotel room, still in my bridesmaid dress.  My head was sore from sleeping on the bobby pins that were shoved into my scalp.  As I sat up, I realized I even still had one stupid, uncomfortable shoe on.  I shook it off and quickly laid back down.  The last time I had been this hungover was at Brody's cabin over the 4th of July weekend.

I looked at the clock, and saw that it was only a little after 8.  I needed to be down at brunch at 10.  I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to piece together the night.  I remembered talking to Brody and Olivia, then dancing.  I remembered dancing with Kendra's brother, Nick...  The rest of the night came rushing back to me as soon as I remembered dancing with, and trying to kiss, Nick.  I groaned to myself.  Maybe I'd skip brunch.

I went back to sleep, but woke up to my phone trilling shrilly a bit later.  I dug it out of my clutch and answered.  "I don't care how awful you feel, don't even think about skipping brunch," came Kendra's sister's voice.

"I doubt anyone actually wants me there," I croaked.

"That's probably true," she agreed, "But you'll be there anyway."  Then she hung up.  Bossy bitch.  I hauled myself out of bed and into the shower.  After fighting the urge to throw up, and then to pass out, I managed to get clean.  I pulled on some clothes and choked down some aspirin and half a bottle of water.

I stuck to myself and kept my head down during brunch.  I didn't eat much and as soon as it was socially acceptable, I went up to my room to pack my stuff up so I could get the hell out of here.  I was just about to leave when someone knocked on my door.

I pulled it open and saw Kendra standing there.  Thinking fast, I smiled and said, "Happy first full day of being a married lady!"

She glared and me and shouldered her way into the room, shoving the door shut behind her.  Shit.  "What in the fuck is your problem?" she snapped.  I forced myself to keep my face neutral.  Kendra hardly ever swore.

"Umm...." I offered weakly.

"Yeah.  I'd be speechless too if I were you.  You said you could behave.  And then you went and caused conflict with Olivia and Brody, tried to kiss my brother, and threw up all over the floor.  So fucking classy, Savannah."

"You're the one that told me I should apologize to Olivia and Brody!" I protested.

Kendra just stared at me for several seconds.  "Are you serious?  I didn't mean at my wedding.  And it didn't seem like a very effective apology."  She paused, waiting for me to defend myself.  But if there's one thing I learned growing up with Mother, it's when to keep my mouth shut.  This was a good time for that.  Eventually Kendra sighed.  "Everyone else is right.  I just kept giving you the benefit of the doubt but I'm done.  This friendship is done, Savannah.  The first thing you should have done when you opened that door was apologize, but all you can do is try to blame it on me."  And with that, she turned and walked out.

I sat down on the bed, fighting the urge to spit a nasty name after her.  I considered her final words.  Apologizing hadn't even occurred to me.  I thought about that for a couple minutes.  For some people, apologizing was an automatic thing.  But in my world, it just didn't happen.  Growing up in my home, apologizing seemed more like a sign of weakness than something you were supposed to do.  I thought a little longer, and realized that the only person I could think of ever apologizing to me was Brody.  And I had been so caught off guard when he had done it, so long ago, that I had reacted with hostility.

I sighed and grabbed my bag.  I wasn't fully convinced that Kendra was done with me.  She just needed a break.  In the meantime, maybe I can let Allie apologize for ratting me out.  Keep your enemies closer, right? 

Long Overdue

It was nice to wake up because the sun was shining my eyes, and not because Brody's phone was ringing.  I shifted and adjusted the blanket, and Brody's arm snaked around my waist, pulling me close.  "Morning, beautiful," he murmured sleepily into my hair.  "Let's stay here."

"Forever?" I asked.  "Okay, sold."

"Well, yeah, that too, but I meant today.  Let's stay one more night."

I rolled over to face him.  "But what about work tomorrow?" I asked him, confused.  "I thought you weren't going to take tomorrow off."

"I'm not," he said with a shrug.  "I can go in in the afternoon after we get back.  We can explore town today, maybe drive into the park a little.  We can leave after breakfast tomorrow so you still have time to job search and I can go into work for a little while at least.  I'll turn my phone on long enough to send an email letting them know when I'll be in, but after brunch today I'll be all yours."  I realized this was his way of making up for all the time he'd spent interrupting our dates for work the past couple weeks, and I appreciated it.

I smiled.  "Okay!  Let's do it."  He rolled over and grabbed the room phone.  He called down to the front desk and requested to keep our room for one more night.  A couple minutes later, he hung up.

"It's ours until tomorrow," he reported.  "What time is brunch?"  Christian's parents were hosting a day-after brunch this morning at 10.  I told him that, and glanced at the clock.  It was almost 9.   "Why don't you go ahead and shower.  I'll send my emails while you're in the shower."

We walked out of the elevator a couple minutes before 10.  Lauren waved us over.  She looked at me curiously.  "I heard you and Savannah got into it last night," she whispered.

"Good news travels fast," I said, rolling my eyes.  I filled her in on the details.  She shook her head.

"What a clueless bitch," she said.  "I hate her."

"Join the club, it's not terribly exclusive."

Lauren grinned wickedly at me.  "So, after you guys left, she got shitshow drunk, tried to make out with Kendra's brother, and then threw up all over the floor outside the bathroom.  It was ridiculous.  I think Kendra was mostly unaware, but Christian had to have Kendra's brother and sister practically carry Savannah out."

I stared at her, then laughed.  "I shouldn't laugh, because that's awful for Christian and Kendra, but she really is a disaster, huh?"  Lauren nodded. 

A very rough looking Savannah stayed away from us during brunch, and it was actually quite pleasant.  After brunch, Lauren, Alex, Damien, and Kinsley were heading out.  We said goodbye and spent the rest of the morning exploring the downtown area.  We had a light, late lunch at a cafe, then drove into Rocky Mountain National Park.  We pulled up to an overlook and got out.  Brody put his arm around my waist as we looked out over a beautiful valley.

"Are you going home for Thanksgiving?" he asked suddenly.

I shook my head.  "No, I wasn't planning on going home until Christmas," I replied.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I hadn't really thought about it.  I guess just enjoy a four day weekend, maybe eat a turkey sandwich." I shrugged.

"Come with me then," he said.  "I'm going to my mom's house.  She doesn't really do a traditional dinner like you're probably used to, but there will be plenty of food."

"Oh," I said, surprised.  "I don't want to impose."  I wasn't sure what to say.  I didn't love the idea of celebrating Thanksgiving alone at my house, but it was less than two weeks away and I had no other plans.  And I was really curious to meet Brody's family.  I know he had one sister and one brother, plus the sister that had been killed in the accident, and that his parents were divorced and his dad was an asshole, but other than that, he really didn't talk about them much.  Then again, I tended to completely bomb my first impression when meeting the parents, and the thought of meeting Brody's entire family for the first time on a holiday was a little terrifying.

"Don't be ridiculous.  My mom will be over the moon to have a new person to feed.  And she always makes enough to feed the entire city, so it's not like she'll even have to make extra food.  I don't want you to be alone on Thanksgiving."  He tightened his arms around me as a breeze blew through and I shivered.

"Okay," I agreed.  "I'd like that."

He smiled.  "I love you Liv, and my family will too."

"I love you too, and I sure hope so!" I replied.

We spent the rest of the day driving through the park, looking for wildlife.  My life was pretty much made when we spotted a moose laying in the snow.  It was long dark by the time we made it back into town.  We found a place to get dinner and were soon heading back to the hotel.  I changed into sweatpants and curled up against Brody, who was sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

"Thank you," I said softly.

"For what?" he asked, wrapping an arm around me and stroking my shoulder.

"For today.  It was perfect.  It was so nice to spend the day with you without interruptions, and it means a lot to me."

"It was nice," he agreed.  "We should probably do it more often."  I looked up at him and made a face.  He laughed.  "I know, I know," he said.  "I'll make it happen."  I yawned and rested my head back against his chest.  He ran his fingers through my hair and I closed my eyes.  My hand slid under the hem of his shirt and rested against the hard muscles there.  I yawned again.  "It's only 10," he teased.

"I know, but you've kept me up late the last two nights," I replied.

"I've kept you up late?  Well, if that's the problem, don't let me stop you from getting your beauty rest tonight," he said with a laugh.  I dragged myself off the bed and brushed my teeth and washed my face.  When I came out of the bathroom, Brody was searching through his bag.   I made myself comfortable while he brushed his teeth, and was almost asleep by the time he came out.  He slid into bed next to me and his fingers found my back.  They slid back and forth over my spine a few times before stilling, resting lightly on my lower back.

When I woke up, his hand was still on me, but now it was draped across my forearm.  I smiled.  Rarely did I ever wake up with him without him touching me somehow.  I wondered if he did it unconsciously in his sleep.  His fingers twitched as I pulled my arm away to roll onto my side.  He looked so young while he was sleeping.  Not that he was old, by any means.  But even his 30 to my 26 was a bigger age difference than I had ever dated.

I slid quietly out of bed, grabbed clothes, and went into the bathroom.  When I came out showered, dressed, and made up, Brody wasn't there.  For a second, I thought he had tried to sneak out for a work call, but then I saw his phone laying in his bag.  When he came back in with coffee for both of us from downstairs, I felt guilty for even thinking  he was off breaking his promise.  So far, he'd been nothing but amazing in every other way, so if a few phone calls during dinner was the price to pay for that, it shouldn't piss me off so much.  When did I become so needy?

Brody asked me to find somewhere to eat breakfast while he showered, so after I packed up my stuff, I flopped in the chair and searched Yelp on my phone.  I found a few good options, wondering how people found places to eat before smartphones and Yelp and Urban Spoon.  But when Brody came out of the bathroom wearing only a towel around his hips, I quickly forgot about breakfast. 

"How much time do we have before checkout?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Brody grinned and looked behind him at the clock.  "Two hours, but if we take that long, we'll need to change breakfast to lunch."

"The faster you lose that towel, the better chance of us being out of here in time for breakfast," I responded.

"You have way more clothing on than me," he pointed out as he stepped over to me.  With one hand he pulled me to my feet, and with the other he pushed his towel to the floor. 

An hour later we were walking out to the car, checked out and ready to leave.  We ate a delicious, leisurely breakfast at a little restaurant in town before starting the drive back to the city.  The drive went quickly, and before I knew, we had pulled up in front of my townhouse.  Brody parked and grabbed my bag out of the back.  He set it down inside after I had unlocked my door.

He pulled me into a tight hug.  I hugged him back, resting my head against his chest.  "When do I get to see you again?" he asked.

"Dinner on Wednesday?" I suggested.

"I guess I can wait that long," he responded with a smile.  "Can I spend the night after?  It'll be easier than going all the way home that night and all the way back into town in the morning for work."  I nodded.  "Alright, I guess I should get to work before the place burns down.  I had a really great weekend.  I love you."  He kissed me and when he pulled back I told him I loved him and he left.

I spent the rest of the day doing laundry and writing cover letters.  I applied for 5 jobs and felt pretty productive by the time I threw a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner.   As I was getting ready for bed, my phone vibrated.  The text was from Brody and said, "Miss you already.  Sleep well, beautiful."  

Wedding Bells and False Apologies

I woke early the next morning to the sound of Brody's phone ringing.  I groaned and squinted at the clock.  6:19.  Ugh.  Next to me, Brody rolled out of bed, yanked on a pair of shorts, and answered the phone.  He moved quietly out into the hallway. 

I drifted back into sleep, but woke when I felt Brody slip back into bed next to me.  I looked at the clock again.  Nearly 7.  Quite the phone call.  He laid next to me and put his arm around my waist.  "Sorry," he whispered into my hair.  I didn't say anything, but I leaned back into him.

I had just fallen back asleep when his phone rang again.  "Shit," he muttered, getting up and walking out the door with it.  Now I was irritated.  It was 7:30 in the morning, on a Saturday when he was supposed to be off, and he'd already taken two calls.  He had promised me no phone calls this weekend.  I was awake at this point and I laid there waiting for him to come back, stewing.  The longer he took, the more irritated I got.

When he came back in almost 30 minutes later, I was fuming.  I got up and rifled through my overnight bag, then pulled on shorts and a t-shirt.  "Liv, I'm really sorry," Brody said.  I just stalked into the bathroom.  I washed my face and brushed my teeth, hoping I'd feel calmer when I was done.  I didn't.

I came back out, avoiding his gaze.  I walked over to the desk and grabbed my phone from where it was charging and started scrolling absently through.  "You know, for a therapist, you're pretty awful at telling people how you're feeling," he said shortly.  I whipped around to look at him.  It was absolutely true, but it still stung to have it brandished like a weapon at me.  He saw my face and his angry glare softened.  "I'm sorry," he said, a little more gently.  "But if you're pissed at me, just tell me you're pissed at me."

"I'm not pissed at you," I snapped back.  He raised his eyebrows and gave me a skeptical look.  "I'm not," I insisted.  "I'm really fucking irritated, but I'm not pissed. If I were pissed, I wouldn't be standing here talking to you."

"Okay," he said, then nodded for me to go on.

"You promised me that there would be no work this weekend.  And you've already been on the phone for over an hour!  It's barely 8 in the morning.  This sucks."  I punctuated the words with a heavy sigh.  I was still standing by the desk, and I realized I was gripping the top of the desk chair so hard my hand hurt.  I let go and gently flexed my fingers.

"You're right," he replied.  "I'm sorry.  I did promise you no work, and I haven't kept that promise.  I'm still trying to get a handle on running this company by myself, and you're suffering for it."  He was right.  I couldn't remember a lunch or dinner that hadn't been interrupted by his phone in the last two weeks.  It rang unfathomably late at night and early in the morning.  And he answered every call.  Most of me knew that that was the price for dating someone who owned his own business, but the rest of me was really tired of it already.  I had tried to be patient with it, because I knew Brody was working his ass off and was seriously shorthanded, but apparently I had let it build up too long. 

I continued to glare at him, but I felt my anger fading.  "After I got off that last call, I called Pete.  He's going to take care of anything else that comes up this weekend," Brody assured me.  Now it was my turn to give him a skeptical look.  "Look," he said, holding up his phone.  He depressed the power button and held it until the phone turned off.  Then he held it out to me.  "All yours."   I looked at the phone for a minute but then shook my head.

"I believe you," I said, my shoulders dropping as my tensed muscles relaxed.

He smiled and tossed the phone into his bag.  "Good," he replied, walking over to me.  He wrapped his arms around me and I let him pull me against his chest.

"Sorry I was a jerk," I said, my voice muffled.

"I'm sorry too," he replied.  "And I promise I will work on balancing things better."  He pushed his hand through my hair, massaging my scalp at the base of my skull.  I sighed against his chest as his hand moved lower, kneading the tense muscles in my neck.   "Why don't we blow off breakfast?" he suggested.  We had made plans the night before to eat with some of the others in the lodge's restaurant.  "We can order room service and eat here."

"I like that idea," I said.  We looked at the room service menu and Brody called in our order.

After he hung up, he looked at me and said, "They said about 40 minutes."

"Hmmm," I responded, grinning.  "We can do a lot of making up in 40 minutes!"

"You are unbelievable," he said, looking surprised.  "I don't know if I've ever met a woman I can't keep up with.  You might be the one."

"Don't worry," I said, pushing him back on the bed. "I'll do all the work this time."

We finished "making up" just a few minutes before breakfast arrived, so Brody had to scramble to pull on a pair of shorts and answer the door.  I'm sure the female employee delivering our food didn't mind his lack of a shirt though; I wouldn't have. 

We ate our breakfast and were lazy in bed until Brody had to get ready for pictures.  Since he was just an usher, they weren't making him be there for all the picture time, but did want him there for some.  I continued to lay in bed reading while he showered and shaved and got dressed.  I got up and plucked a loose thread from the back of his jacket as he adjusted his bow tie.  "I really hate these things," he complained.

"But you look so hot," I protested.  He looked at his watch and turned and kissed me quickly.

"Gotta go," he said.  "I'll see you for the ceremony."

After he left, I showered and got ready slowly.  As much as it sucked arguing with him, I was glad we had talked.  I wish I could have just told him my feelings about his job and the phone calls sooner, but he was right--I sucked at that stuff.  I was just pinning the last piece of hair in place when my phone vibrated with a text from Kinsley letting me know that she, Damien, and Lauren were there.  I felt a sudden surge of anxiety about seeing Damien.  I hadn't seen him since James and I stopped seeing each other, and I was certain it would be weird.

I texted back that I would be right down.  I took one last look at myself in the mirror, and satisfied, I grabbed my wristlet, shoved my phone and the room key in, and headed for the elevator.  I spotted them right away when the elevator opened and walked over. 

"Look at you, hot stuff!" Kinsley exclaimed, hugging me.

"You actually clean up quite nicely too," I said back with a grin.  I greeted Lauren and turned to Damien.  "Hi," I said shyly.  To my relief, he smiled broadly back.

"Hey, how have you been?" he asked.  I told him I had been good and asked him the same.  We made small talk as we walked over to the room where the ceremony was to be held.  As we approached, Kinsley touched my arm.  I looked in the direction she motioned and saw Savannah.  I frowned, but before I could say anything, Lauren interrupted.

"Wow, Brody and Alex do the tux thing quite well, huh?"  Alex was the other usher.  I looked over near the door of the room and grinned.  We walked over towards them.

Brody saw me and raised his eyebrows.  He kissed me on the cheek and then said, "Wow, you look amazing."  His eyes traveled appreciatively over my dress, down my legs, and back up until he met my eyes.  His green eyes sparkled as he leaned towards me and kissed me again, lightly on the lips.  He then turned to Damien.  "How's it going?" he asked, extending his hand.  Damien shook it and returned the greeting.

Brody led our small group to seats inside a huge, gorgeous room.  He promised that he and Alex would join us before the ceremony and walked back to the door.  The room had high, vaulted ceilings and a large stone fireplace sat directly in front of us, between two giant picture windows overlooking the same view we had from our room.

The wedding ceremony was beautiful, and timed perfectly so the sun set over the mountains as they were saying their vows.  After, we all moved to the next room, a perfectly decorated ballroom, for the reception.  Kendra had been kind enough to not seat Savannah with us, and I spotted her at a table on the other side of the ballroom, sitting with people that I assumed were her and Kendra's friends from college.  I wondered if she was as awful around them as she was around us.  Or if any of them actually liked her. 

After eating, dancing, and drinking a little too much, I found myself a feeling a bit lightheaded.  I walked back to the table, where Brody, Damien, Alex, Lauren, and Kendra's brother were all sitting at the moment.   "I'm going out on the patio for a little fresh air," I said to Brody.  "Do you want to come?"  He nodded and stood up.  He grabbed his jacket and walked towards the door with me.  Alex and Lauren didn't even look up from whatever conversation they were having.

It was freezing outside, and I was grateful when Brody draped his jacket over my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me.  I leaned back into him and stared out at the mountains.  He kissed the top of my head.  Neither of us heard the door to the patio open, but we both turned when we heard heels clicking towards us.

"Hi," Savannah said, tentatively.

"What do you want?" I spat.  I had no desire to have a conversation with her.

"To apologize," she said.

I snorted.  "I don't want to hear it," I replied, turning away.  Brody squeezed my shoulder as Savannah walked closer.  He still hadn't said anything.

"Seriously, I'm really sorry.  I didn't mean...well, I didn't mean for everything to happen," she said lamely.

"Really, Savannah?" Brody asked.  His voice was quiet, but I recognized the controlled anger in his words.  "You didn't mean for someone to get fired?  You didn't mean for me to waste two months of my life cleaning up the mess in Miami?  You didn't mean to potentially end me and Olivia's relationship?"

She didn't say anything for several seconds.  I was still facing away from her, not interested in anything she had to say.  I pulled Brody's jacket tighter around me as the wind picked up again.  "Well, shit happens," she said coldly.  Seriously?  I thought she came to apologize.

I whirled back around.  "Shit like that doesn't just happen, Savannah," I said, spitting her name out like a curse.  "Shit like that happens when you start fucking around with people's lives."

Now she was angry too.  "Fucking around with people's lives?  Oh please.  You must have an awfully high opinion of me to think I'm capable of controlling the lives of at least 3 people.  Grow up.  Sometimes people make moves that make things happen. Sometimes those things are bad.  That's the way the world works."

I took a step towards her.  Brody put a hand on my arm and whispered something to me, but I was completely focused on Savannah.  "You have a seriously fucked up view of the world if you think that that's the way it actually works."  My hands clenched into fists at my sides as I seethed.  Brody put both hands on my shoulders and squeezed them gently.

"Get out of here," he said to Savannah.  His voice was still quiet, but I could tell the anger was starting to bubble up more.  "We're not interested in your half-assed apologies and even if we were, this isn't the place."  She rolled her eyes, and I clenched my teeth, determined not to feed into her anymore.

"Whatever, you guys enjoy each other while it lasts," she said.  She tossed her hair and strode back into the reception room.  

"I fucking hate her," I hissed.  Brody rubbed my arms and sighed.

"I know," he said.  "She's unbelievable."

"I need to walk," I declared.  He took my hand and we walked along the path around the lodge.  I walked fast, the clicking of my heels ringing out on the concrete.

"Slow down, if you break an ankle and we have to spend the night in the ER, you won't be able to show me those other ways we can use my bow tie," he said with a smirk.

"Oh?  I thought I've worn you out this weekend," I said back, starting to relax.

He shrugged.  "I've had some time to recover.  And that dress is amazing, even covered with my jacket.  I'm not sure I heard any of the wedding ceremony because I was too busy staring at your legs."

"Well then, why are we wasting time out here?" I pulled him towards the door to the hotel.   We stopped back at the reception so I could grab my purse and to say goodnight, and then we booked it up to our room.

"So," he said with a mischievous grin, dangling his untied bow tie in front of me.  "Tell me how to make this useful." 

Pre-Wedding Fun

I didn't get to see Brody as often as I would have liked over the next week, but I had time to do some job searching and even applied for a couple things.  And he was able to spend some time with Alex, which was good.  For his part, after his apology Alex pretended like nothing had happened and was back to his normal self, which was fine with me. 

I was able to get Friday off to go with Brody up for Kendra and Christian's wedding.  The wedding was going to be in a nearby town on the edge of Rocky Mountain National park.  Brody had gotten a room for Friday and Saturday night at the lodge where the wedding and reception were to be held, and I was looking forward to a weekend away in the mountains, even if it would be a busy weekend.

Kendra, to her credit, was not freaking out.  I would have been freaking out.  Last minute details are stressful in planning anything, and a wedding with 200 guests?  Yup, freak out city.  She appeared completely calm, though she did look a little tired. 

I had taken Friday and Monday off of work, hoping to be able to spend Sunday night with Brody even if he had to go to work on Monday.  I felt a serious need to make up for lost time.  I figured once I got home, I could do some serious job searching and applying on Monday.  I had more than enough comp time racked up to have taken the days off without even dipping into my untouched PTO.  I was definitely due for a long weekend.

Friday morning, Brody and I went to pick up his tux.  I perused the shop's tie selection as he tried it on to make sure it fit.  When he came out, I couldn't help but be completely turned on at the sight of him in the tux.  He looked good.  Really good.  The sales person helping him talked to him briefly as I walked over, then scurried away.  I grinned at him and he made a face back.

"Don't do that with your face, it ruins everything," I admonished him. 

"Have you ever worn a bow tie?" he asked pointedly, tugging at it.

"Ummm...not around my neck," I said with an innocent smile.  He stared at me for several seconds before bursting into laughter.

"You are full of surprises," he said, still chuckling.  He turned back to the mirror and smoothed an imaginary wrinkle out of the jacket.  "Well?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You look really fucking hot," I replied, running a finger over the lapel of the jacket and pausing when I got up to the collar.  "I'm looking forward to taking it off you tomorrow."  He laughed again.

"It's a good thing I told Alex I wasn't interested in sharing a room with him," he said.  "You're clearly planning on using it well."

"Need help taking it off?" I asked him, sliding my eyes towards the dressing room. 

"What has gotten into you?" he asked, looking at me incredulously.  But he was eyeing the dressing room and looking around to see if anyone would notice if we both slipped in.  He grabbed my hand and pulled me in, shutting the door behind us.  The dressing room was a fully enclosed cubicle with a door that actually went all the way to the floor, which was quite convenient at the moment.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.  He kissed me back for a few seconds before spinning me so my back was to him.  "Just so you know, I'm not having sex with you here," he said softly against my ear in between trailing kisses along my neck. 

"Then what, exactly, are you doing?" I asked indignantly.

"Shhhh," he responded, laying his hand over my mouth briefly.  "I'm giving you a preview."  His hand left my mouth and went to my pants.  He quickly unbuttoned and unzipped them and pushed them over my hips and down my thighs.

His left arm wrapped tightly around my waist while his right hand--which was fully recovered, thankfully-- slid beneath my underwear.  I slapped my own hand against my mouth to keep from moaning as his fingers moved against me.

A knock sounded at the door of the dressing room at the exact moment he slid a finger inside of me.  I practically shoved my fist into my mouth to stay quiet as the sales person said, "Any trouble, sir?"

Brody didn't even flinch or pause as he responded back, "Nope, everything is great, thanks!"

"Okay," the sales person said.  "Bring everything up front when you're ready."  I pushed my head back against his chest and bit down on my finger as I came seconds later, grateful for his arm tight around my waist.  My legs were still shaking when he slowly withdrew his hand.  He reached down, grabbed the waist of my jeans and pulled them back up.  He turned me around again to face him and kissed me.

"Think that will get you through until at least tonight?" he asked.

I considered as I zipped and buttoned my pants.  "Hmmm, I don't know if I'd go that far, but I should at least make it through the car ride now."  He raised an eyebrow.

"It's only an hour and a half," he said.

"Oh, I know," I replied.  He shook his head.

He quickly changed from his tux back into his jeans and shirt and I hung everything back on the hangers and zipped it all back into the garment bag.  He cracked the dressing room door open and peeked out, then pushed it open.  We walked up to the front of the store.  By the time we got there, my face was hot.  I imagined everyone that looked at us knew exactly what we had just done.  But I certainly didn't regret it.

I ended up sleeping through most of the ride there.  Brody woke me up a few miles outside of town so I could enjoy the scenery.  I was glad he did.  It was absolutely gorgeous.  Someday when I got married, this would be my dream area to do it, I think.  There was some snow on the ground here, and it glittered in the sunlight.  I leaned my head against the window and smiled.

"What?" Brody asked, glancing over at me.

"I just love it here," I said simply.  I had stressed out so much about moving halfway across the country before I'd actually done it, but since I'd gotten here, I had never once questioned or regretted it.  I was truly happy in a way that I had never been in Wisconsin.  Brody returned my smile and slid his hand into mine as we drove down the final hill into town.

The lodge where the wedding and reception were going to be held was breathtaking.  It was rustic and surrounded by towering pine trees.  We checked in and hauled our stuff up to our room.  I dropped my bag on the floor and went straight to the huge window, looking out at mountains and a small river.

Brody wrapped his arms around me from behind.  "I hope your fascination with the mountains never goes away," he said, resting his chin on top of my head, "because I love watching you look at them.  Too many people don't appreciate it at all."

"How can you not?" I asked, leaning back against him.  He didn't answer, and we stood there quietly, looking out the window for several minutes.  Then I turned and kissed him.  He kissed me back, and soon we were laying on the bed.  With my need from earlier tempered by our encounter in the tux shop dressing room, we kissed without pretense for nearly 15 minutes, simply enjoying making out like teenagers.

Finally, he pulled away.  Brushing hair away from my face he said, "I should probably get ready for the rehearsal."  I nodded.

As Brody was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, someone knocked on the door.  I peeked out the peephole and saw it was Christian.  I pulled open the door.  "Hey, Brody's getting ready, come on in," I greeted him.

"Thanks," he replied, stepping in and pushing the door closed behind him.  He collapsed in one of the chairs across from the bed.  I sat on the edge of the bed and studied him.

"Everything okay?" I asked.  He shrugged.

"Kendra's finally lost it," he admitted.  "She held it together for so long, but there's a problem with the centerpieces or something and she's having a meltdown.  She kicked me out when I suggested they were fine the way they were."

"Well that was stupid of you," I said with a laugh.  "What room is she in?  I'll go help her."  He told me Kendra's room number, looking relieved. 

"Thank you," he said.  "I can't."  I nodded.  When Brody came out of the bathroom, I told him where I was going.

"Good luck," he said ominously.  Then he grinned and kissed me lightly.  I set out to find Kendra's room.

I knocked on the door when I found it.  I heard a muffled curse and then the door flew open.  "I thought--" She stopped when she saw it was me.

"I'm here to help," I said, nudging her out of the way so I could go in.  "What can I do?"  That was all it took.  She started crying.

"I'm freaking out!" she sobbed into my shoulder.  I rubbed her back.  "These aren't right and I can't make them the way I want them!  I can't believe I thought it was a good idea to put these together the night before the wedding.  Now I have to go down to the rehearsal and I'll be up all night trying to fix them!"  I let her cry for a minute before I pulled back.

"Listen to me.  Go wash your face and fix your makeup.  Get ready for the rehearsal.  While you're down there, I'll see what I can do with these.  I'll do the best I can, and I promise that they will at least be presentable for tomorrow."

"Really?" she asked, sniffling.  I nodded.  She started crying again and threw her arms around me.  "Thank you," she choked out.

I hugged her back and then turned her gently towards the bathroom.  "Go!"  She went, and I sat down in the middle of vases, flowers, ribbons, and rocks.  Kendra emerged again a few minutes later.  She showed me the picture of what they were supposed to look like.  After she left, I tugged my phone out of my pocket and searched Pinterest and Google until I found what I was looking for.

I spent the next hour assembling the centerpieces.  I realized I had only 15 minutes to get ready for dinner after I finished the final one.  I quickly snapped a picture of one of them, then jogged back to our room.  I cleaned up and dressed and fixed my makeup in record time.  I stared at my hair in the mirror, decided it was a lost cause, and pulled it into my go-to "I don't know what to do with it" style--a messy side braid.  I checked the time and realized I was already 5 minutes late for dinner.

I arrived at the restaurant downstairs breathless, but was relieved to see that people were still milling around, drinks in hand.  I searched the room for Kendra and found her quickly.  She detached herself from the small group she was talking to and rushed over.  "Were you able to do anything?" she asked hopefully.  I pulled out my phone and showed her the picture I had taken.  She breathed an audible sigh of relief.  "They're perfect," she said, hugging me tightly.  "Thank you.  I don't know what I would have done without you!"  I was relieved too.  I didn't want to be on the receiving end of a pissed off bride's anger the night before her wedding.

Christian approached and handed me a glass of wine.  "Whatever you did, you delivered my calm, cool, and collected fiancee back to me, so I thank you," he said.  I laughed and took the wine gratefully.

"Have you seen Brody?" I asked.

"I think he's over there talking to my brother," Kendra said, motioning across the room near the bar.  It was impossible for me to see over the people, even wearing my tallest boots, so I walked in that direction.  I spotted Brody quickly enough, talking to a guy who looked remarkably like Kendra.

He smiled at me when I walked up.  He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and asked if I'd had any luck.  "Saved the day," I replied.

"As usual," he chuckled.  He introduced me to Nick, Kendra's brother.  We chatted with him until it was time to sit down for dinner.  I was, of course, starving, and the food was delicious.  After dinner, a large group stayed in the bar, drinking and laughing.  Close to midnight, Brody slid his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him.  I let my hand rest on his leg, trailing it slowly up.  He kissed my cheek then said, "Tired?" softly into my ear.

"Not even close," I said back.  "But I can pretend."  I squeezed his thigh and yawned convincingly.

"Well I guess we better get going then," he said, louder.  We said goodnight and barely made it to elevator before we were kissing.  We paused briefly when the door opened at our floor, but in my hurry, I fumbled with the room key.  I dropped it and could barely bend to get it because of how close Brody was behind me.  He had grabbed his own and slid it in the door while I was picking up the one I dropped.  The light flashed green and he shoved the door open. 

The door wasn't even closed when he shoved me against the wall and kissed me.  He pulled away long enough to yank my dress over my head.  He eyed my boots with disdain and I quickly unzipped them and kicked them away.  He picked me up and carried me, half dressed, to the bed.  He threw me down and peeled my leggings off, then quickly got rid of his clothes.  He didn't bother with my bra or foreplay, just pushed into me.

We had been laying in breathless heaps next to each other for several minutes when it dawned on me that I hadn't seen Savannah at the rehearsal dinner.  "Where was Savannah?" I asked curiously.

"Huh?" Next to me, Brody came slowly out of his post-coital daze.  "You're seriously thinking about Savannah right now?"

I laughed.  "Sorry, I just realized that she wasn't at dinner.  Or at least, I didn't see her."

He rolled over and rested his face against my shoulder.  "No, she wasn't there," he responded, his breath tickling my skin.  "I heard Kendra telling her sister that she'd have to make sure Savannah knew what was going on tomorrow."  I felt a brief stab of disappointment.  I had selfishly hoped that Savannah had dropped out of the wedding party after everything had happened.

Reading my mind, Brody wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer.  "Don't worry, it'll be fine.  I think she'll be just as keen on avoiding us as we are on avoiding her."