Lauren: Insubordination

A pit forms in my stomach.  His words, combined with his polite yet brief tone, make me nervous.

"Okay," I reply, but he's already walking back towards his office.  I dig the client file out of the pile of stuff on my desk, take a second to take a deep breath, and stand.

Sean is waiting by the door, and he closes it quickly behind me.  He motions for me to sit and I do.  Once he sits, he holds out his hand for the file.  I hand it over, trying to keep my now-sweaty hand from brushing his.  "Is there a problem?" I ask as he flips through the file.  It's my own copy of the file, filled with my messy and probably non-sensical-to-anyone-else notes.

"No, no problem," he replies, continuing to look through the file.  He doesn't say anything else, and I shift in my seat.  He looks up at me finally and smiles.  "You've done great work with this client, and we really appreciate it.  I'm going to need to you to sit down with Logan and walk him through your notes, please."

"Logan?  But...why?" I ask, confused.

He smiles again.  "Your work is so valuable, Lauren.  And you're so efficient.  You're probably one of my most efficient employees.  We're looking at ways to increase productivity and efficiency, so I'm going to need you spending more time in the office.  Logan's going to take over the fieldwork for this client--after you train him, of course."

"What?" I almost yelp.  "But it's my client.  And I love fieldwork."

"I understand," Sean responds, but his empathy is clearly fake.  "I'm not taking you completely out of the field, but this client takes up a lot of your time, and that time is better spent in the office."

"You--" I start, but I stop myself.  I don't know what to say.  "Sean, you don't understand.  This client is our client because of me.  And I've worked my ass off to keep them.  I've been working with them for over 3 years."  This particular client is one of my favorites, and they are the first major client I handled solo.  I've been their main contact since their beginning of their contract with us.  I'm attached, to say the least.

"And you've created a nice tidy package to pass off to Logan, which is really great.  This job is a team effort, Lauren.  Should I have concerns about your ability to work as part of a team?"

I gape at him, then quickly snap my mouth shut.  I start to think it might actually be possible for smoke to come out one's ears.  "No," I reply through gritted teeth.

"Good," he says, smiling broadly.  "Now, I think you should plan to set aside a couple hours a day for the rest of the week to sit with Logan and walk him through this."

"Does it have to be Logan?" I blurt.  As soon as the words are out of my mouth I regret them.

Sean raises an interested eyebrow.  "Do you have an objection?"

"I have an objection to this entire plan," I mutter.  Sean's left eyebrow flies up to join his right, and I realize I need to gain control of my mouth immediately.  "I just wonder if there are people who have been around longer who would like the opportunity," I say hurriedly, trying to save myself.

"I don't go by seniority, Lauren," he responds in a patronizing tone.  "I go by skill, motivation, and what people show me.  Logan is the man for this job."

"Fine, I'll walk Logan through," I agree reluctantly.  "But I don't think I have time today.  Can I start tomorrow?  I'm in the middle of--"

"Lauren, at this point, someone who doesn't know you as well as I do might accuse you of insubordination."

All I can do is stare at him.  I don't know what to say.  I'm confused, because my last supervisor was open about the fact that he didn't know everything, and encouraged us to speak up and question things.  I admit that I haven't handled this conversation perfectly, but I'm nowhere near being insubordinate.

"If you need to stay a little late today," he continues, "I'll make sure you're compensated accordingly."

"I..." I start, but I trail off when I see the warning look on his face. "Okay," I say finally.  "I'll go check in with him and see when he's available."

"Excellent," Sean says, and his smile is back.  He stands and walks over to the door, pulling it open and effectively dismissing me.  He starts to reach out as though he was going to pat me on the shoulder as I walk past, but he catches himself at the last second and holds his hands up, grinning.  "Almost forgot."

I bite my tongue and walk straight to Logan's cube, file in hand.  Logan has headphones on and is air-drumming just above his desk, eyes closed, like an idiot.  I drop the file on his desk, startling him.  He grins and pulls his headphones off.  "Long time no see, gorgeous," he says.

"Stop it," I snap.  "Look, Sean said I have to go over this stuff with you so you can take over their fieldwork.  He wants me to start today.  When do you have time?"

"I've got some time right now," he offers.

I shake my head.  "Right now is bad," I reply.  "I'm right in the middle of a project with an 8am deadline.  I need to finish it before I go.  Can I finish that and then we can meet?"

"No can do," he responds, shrugging.  "I have a meeting later this afternoon."

I'm ready to pull out my hair at this point, and I resist the urge to growl and stomp my foot like a child.  "Fine," I tell him.  "Then let's do it right now."

It takes me two hours to get through what I need to get through with him today in order to be done by the end of the week.  Logan is surprisingly dumb and asks far too many questions.  I can't tell if he just doesn't get it or if he's fucking with me.  We have to quit at 3:30 for Logan's mysterious meeting, and I'm not sad to be done.

I am irritated, because there is no way I'm going to get my project done before 5.  Sean is right--I'm efficient.  I rarely have to work more than 40 hours a week, because I always get my shit done.  I don't stand around chatting in the break room or take extended lunches.  So I'm a little mad that I suddenly have to stay late today.

I get back to my desk and send Alex a text letting him know that I'll be at work late and might have to at least postpone our dinner date.  He texts back immediately, "What do you mean?  You never work late."

I roll my eyes.  "I mean that I have to work late.  It's stupid, and I'll explain later."

There's a long pause before he responds.  I see him start typing, then stop.  Then nothing for several seconds, and then the text bubble is there for what seems like ages before one word finally pops up: "Okay." 

Okay?  Is he fucking serious?  I can tell he's annoyed, but there's nothing I can do about it.  I move my mouse to wake up my computer and get to work.

I finally finish just before 7.  I pack up my stuff and walk out, calling Alex on the way.

"Hello?" he answers.

"Hi, I'm sorry.  I'm just leaving work.  Can we meet at 7:30?"

"I guess so," he replies.  "I mean, you obviously won't make it by 7."

I sigh.  "I told you I probably wouldn't."

"We could just reschedule for tomorrow if it works better."  He's sullen and I have no idea what the problem is.  I'm never late, I never reschedule.  Why is this irritating him so much?

"I want to see you tonight," I insist.  I have to set my bag down so I can open my car door and not drop my phone.

"Let me help," comes a voice behind me.  I turn, startled, and see Logan standing behind me.

"Who's that?" Alex asks.

"Hold on," I say to him.  "I've got it," I say to Logan.  I pick up my bag and sling it into my passenger seat.

"Lauren?"  Alex sounds confused.  Logan isn't going away.  I squeeze my eyes shut for a second.

I physically turn away from Logan.  "Alex, let's just have dinner tonight still, okay?  I'll head straight there."

"Okay," he agrees, sounding reluctant.  "I'll see you in a little bit."  We say goodbye and I hang up while I get in my car.  As I start to pull my car door shut, something stops it.

I look up and see Logan standing there with his hand on the door, holding it and keeping me from closing it.  "What?" I snap, wanting nothing more than to not have to look at his face any longer.

He surprises me by saying, "Look, I just want you to know that I had nothing to do with this switch.  I actually advocated for you to keep the client.  I don't know what Sean's deal is, and if I were you, I'd be upset about it.  So I get it if you are.  Just know that this isn't my doing, okay?  I like to fuck with you, but not like that.  And I'm sorry you had to stay late tonight because of it."

"Oh," I answer, not sure what else to say.  "Well, thanks for advocating for me, I guess."  I don't know if it's true, but on the off-chance it is, I resolve to maybe not be so short with him tomorrow.

Logan takes his hand off the door and steps back.  "Enjoy your evening with your boyfriend," he tells me pleasantly.  Then he turns and walks towards his car.  I pull my door shut and start the car.  I need to hurry to even get to the restaurant by 6:30 at this point.

I have to park about 3 blocks away, but I still manage to walk into the restaurant at 7:32.  Alex is leaning against the wall, looking irritated.  "Hi," I say, standing on my toes to kiss him on the cheek.

"Hi," he replies.  It's anything but warm.

"You're pissed at me," I say quietly.  The last thing I want to do is argue with him in public, but I'm also not going to suffer through dinner with him in this mood.

"No," he argues.  I raise a skeptical eyebrow at him, because I don't believe that for a second.  "I'm not pissed.  I'm...well, I don't know what I am."

"Alex, I got stuck at work late.  I'm really sorry.  I don't really understand why it's such a big deal."

"Who were you talking to when you were on the phone with me?" he asks.

It suddenly occurs to me what the problem is.  "Logan," I answer truthfully.  "But I really want a chance to tell you about my day before you get upset about that.  Trust me, everything will make more sense then."  Part of me can't believe we're still talking about Logan months later, but a small part of me does understand it.

"Okay," he agrees, his face softening.  So we get a table.  And once the server is gone, I tell him about my day.  He goes from looking mildly irritated to looking angry, but this time his anger is on my behalf, at least.  "Wow," he says when I finish.  "That really sucks, Laur.  And I'm sorry I was such an asshole.  I just..."  He trails off and shrugs.

"You just worried I was with Logan," I supply wryly.

He winces, then nods.  "Yeah, I guess I did," he admits.  "I'm sorry."

I consider if I want to be mad about this.  Part of me does, but he clearly believes me and looks pretty damn sorry already.  I have bigger things to worry about, so I decide to forget about this time.  I earned his lack of trust regarding Logan.  And it's been a really long time since he's been weird about it.  "I accept your apology," I inform him.

We talk about my job for a little while longer.  I vent and share my frustration with Alex, and he's pretty sympathetic.  I appreciate that he actually listens and cares about the stupid things that happen at work.  Finally, I'm done and ask to change the subject.  "Sure," Alex says.  "So, Brody, Christian, Damien, and I are going skiing the weekend before Christmas.  We're going to Winter Park."

"Okay," I reply.  "You invited Damien?"

He shrugs.  "We invited James too, but he's working that weekend or something.  The more the merrier."

"Works for me," I say.  "I'm just glad I don't have to go."

We finish our dinner and head to my house.  I'm tired from the long, frustrating day and I drag Alex up to bed almost immediately.  But he doesn't mind at all when I curl up against his chest.  I sigh as his fingers rake through my hair and over my scalp.  Neither of us talk, and I quickly drift off to sleep.