My Present Self has a little advice for my Past Self

Author's note:  I've written a bunch of posts ahead of time.  I'm in grad school and I work full time, and I want to be prepared when I go back to school in September so I can keep posting, even when I'm swamped.   But then they just sit there, scheduled and waiting, and I get so impatient to post them.  So, in honor of my lack of ability to wait for ANYTHING, here is a bonus post for the weekend :)  I welcome your feedback and suggestions, and appreciate you reading!
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As expected, my work week dragged.  I was still shadowing coworkers that had been around for awhile and spending a lot of time reading client files.  The repetitive, boring tasks did nothing to make the days go faster, and my anticipation of the weekend compounded it.  I tried to stay busy after work.  I met Kinsley at the gym Monday and Wednesday (nothing like the thought of wearing a bikini in your gorgeous crush's hot tub for motivation!),  and had dinner after work with Charlotte and Sam on Tuesday.

Lauren came over on Tuesday after dinner and helped me pack.  I'm a horrible over packer, and I didn't want to look too high maintenance.  She stayed for an hour, vetoing shoes and shirts, and helping me decide between swimsuits.

Finally it was Thursday.  Most of my coworkers had taken the day off, but there were a few around.  At about 10, my supervisor told me that there was no point in staying and I should go ahead and take off around lunchtime.  At 12:15 I shut down my computer and walked out with Charlotte.  We were the last ones out.  I knew Lauren was at work until 2, so I made a quick trip to the gym.  I texted her letting her know I got out early and would be there around 2:30 to help her pack, since she had been so helpful for me.  After my workout, I showered, dressed in shorts and a cute tank top, put on just a hint of makeup, and picked up Kinsely.  We drove to Lauren's apartment.  She was mostly packed, but I helped her get rid of a few things.  By 3:30, we were on our way to Brody's house.

We pulled into his driveway shortly before 4.  He was outside, loading some stuff into his Sequioa.  Alex walked out of the house, carrying a duffel bag, and Savannah sat on the front steps with a girl I didn't know.  I looked questioningly at Kinsley, who nodded.  "Yeah, that's who she brought last time."

Brody was over to my SUV before I even had the door open, and he pulled it open for me.  I stepped out and walked with him towards the back.  We transferred our stuff from my car into his.

"We're just waiting for my friend Kevin," Brody said, after I locked up my vehicle.  "He should be here any time.  Brian was going to come too, but he's sick, and Christian and Kendra are meeting us up there tomorrow, so we can all fit in my truck."

"Liv gets carsick, she should sit in the front," Lauren said suddenly.  I turned to her, about to argue, because I most certainly do not get carsick.  She gave me a look, and I realized what she was doing.  I could have killed her.  My cheeks got hot as Brody laughed. 

"She definitely should sit in the front then," he agreed.  "That would be a horrible way to start the weekend."  I glared at Lauren when Brody walked into the house to grab something, and she shrugged.  A car pulled up then, and Kevin got out and loaded his stuff into Brody's SUV.

I slid into the front passenger seat, feeling anxious and self-conscious.  I felt Savannah's icy glare as she climbed into the back row.  The butterflies wore off about 15 minutes into the ride, as Lauren told us a story about her neighbors' screaming match about a TV show the night before.  We were laughing and then chatting easily, talking over each other and arguing about the radio.  The rest of the drive flew by, and soon we were stopping in the small town about 15 minutes from cabin.  We loaded up with groceries and plenty of alcohol and drove the rest of the way.

I use the word "cabin" loosely, because when I picture a cabin, I picture a small, older building in the middle of the woods, perhaps without electricity or running water.  This cabin was about the size of Brody's house, if not a little bigger, with a perfectly landscaped yard.  It wasn't in the middle of the woods, but there were plenty of trees, and an excellent view down into the mountain valley off one side.  We all helped unload the SUV, and Brody led Lauren, Kinsley, and I to a room with our stuff.

"This is the best guest room.  It's small, but it's got a private bathroom and a decent view," he said, pulling back the curtains.  It did have a nice view.  It wasn't head on to the valley, but the valley was visible off to one side.  We thanked him and got our stuff settled.

When we came out, Kevin was fiddling with the grill while Alex struggled to open a pack of hot dogs.  "Childproof?" I asked with a laugh, pulling a knife out of a partially open drawer and handing it to him.  He hadn't yet said anything to me, but he laughed at this and his face relaxed.  He got the pack open while Lauren grabbed hamburger out of the fridge.  We grilled burgers and brats and then Alex and Brody started a fire in the fire pit.  We spent the rest of the night sitting around the fire, drinking and talking.  Savannah sat next to Brody, touching him often, and laughing even more often. I tried to ignore it and keep a positive attitude, but she was already grating on my nerves.

Finally people started drifting inside.  Kinsley, Lauren, and I took turns in the bathroom getting ready for bed.  I realized I could use some water and walked out of the room and down to the kitchen.  Alex was there, grabbing a bottle out of the fridge.  "Toss me one too, please?" I requested.  He did, and I smiled my thanks.  I leaned against the counter and drank some of the water, feeling Alex's eyes on me.  I turned towards him, and when I made eye contact, he held my gaze.

"I'm glad you came," he said simply.  I felt guilty.  He was perfectly hot, perfectly nice, and perfectly interested in me.  But I wanted nothing from him.  I wished I could go back in time and make my lack of interest more obvious.  My diplomatic answer to his request for a date had felt right at the time, and had minimized hurt feelings, but it hadn't been totally honest.  And I hoped it hadn't left him feeling like I was open to the idea of a date someday.

"Me too," I said, still feeling guilty.  "This place is amazing."

"It really is," Alex agreed.  He continued to watch me.

"Well...goodnight, I guess."  So awkward, Liv.

He paused, then nodded. "Goodnight."

And with that, I hurried back to the room I was sharing with Lauren and Kinsley before I could make anything else weird.