Tale as Old as Time

I apologize for any typos in this one.  It ended up being longer than I thought it would, and I read through it once but don't really want to read through again.  Stay tuned for at least one more post this week still!  Hopefully two :)
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"Yeah," I replied.  "About that...can we talk about that?"
"Talk about what?" Brody asked, sounding confused.
I took a deep breath.  "Talk about moving in together."

Brody's hand, which had been drifting lazily up and down my arm, paused for about a half second, then continued.  "Absolutely.  What about it do you want to talk about?"

"Ummm..." I stopped.  What about it did I want to talk about?  "I...I don't know, I guess.  Did you still want to?  Someday?  Because I was thinking that maybe I was a little weird about it before and we didn't even get to talk about it because I threw a tantrum and maybe we should talk about it and just...talk about it."  I stopped and took a breath.  Brody chuckled softly and I glared at him.

"I'm sorry," he said.  "But you know I love when you ramble.  Don't be nervous, let's just talk about it."  I nodded.  "I do still want to," he continued.  "What are you worried about?"

I took a second to collect my thoughts so I didn't ramble, then said "I'm worried about not having my own space.  And if I move in here, I'm worried that it won't ever feel like home to me.  That it will always be your house, and I'll just live here in it.  And what if I hate the way you fold your towels?"  

"If you hate the way I fold towels, I'd be happy to let you fold the towels forever," he declared.

"Well in that case, when can I move in?" I asked sarcastically.

"Tomorrow! I hate folding towels," Brody responded, laughing.  "But seriously, I think I can answer your questions.  So, if you wanted to move in here, I hardly use the lower level.  There are two empty rooms down there, and there's a full bathroom.  That can be your space if you want.  You can have an office down there, we could put your bed down there.  It can be an extra guest room if we ever needed it, or if I piss you off and you want to sleep down there, it's all yours.  But I can also understand feeling weird about moving into my house, so what if we found a new house?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, dumbly.  "A new house?  But...you love your house."

"I do love my house," he replied.  "But you're far more important than a house.  I want something that will be ours.  If that means we buy a new house, then we'll buy a new house."

I sat up and looked at him, blinking in surprise as I tried to make sense of his words.  "Would you sell this one?"

"I don't know," he said, shrugging.  "It's close to paid for.  I could rent it out.  Otherwise, my mom keeps talking about moving closer to the city.  I don't think she'll leave her house, but if she wanted to, she could live here."  I nodded as if this conversation made any bit of sense to me.   "You look a little freaked out," Brody said nervously.

"No," I said slowly.  "No...not freaked out.  I guess I'm just surprised that you'd move out of this house.  And for me.  Or us.  Or...I don't know, that's kind of a big deal.  And I'm tired, so I'm having a hard time processing it.  But I'm not freaked out, I promise."

He smiled at me and pulled me against him.  "It's late, and you have to work tomorrow and I've had a long day.  What if we sleep on this conversation and talk about it a little more later this weekend?"

"Okay," I agreed.  I sat up and stretched, not looking forward to getting up in 6 hours for work.

When we were both settled in bed, Brody wrapped his arm around me, pulling my back tightly against his chest.  "I love you, Liv," he said softly.  "Thank you for everything this week."

"I love you too," I replied.  "Thanks for only laughing at me a little tonight."

"That conversation is far from over.  Don't worry, there will be plenty more opportunities for me to laugh at you."

"Oh good."  I shifted a little to get more comfortable, then fell asleep quickly.

I'm pretty sure neither of us had moved when we were startled awake by my alarm.  I had to push Brody's arm off of me to reach my phone on the nightstand so I could turn it off.  My shoulder was sore from being laid on all night, and I'm sure Brody's arm was asleep.  I groaned as I rolled over onto my back and tried to wake up a little.  I definitely hadn't gotten enough sleep.  Brody's arm snaked back across my body and pulled me towards him as he snuggled back in next to me.  "No," I protested weakly.  "If I get comfortable again I won't get up."

"That's the goal," he said, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"You know," I replied, rolling away and sitting up, "for someone that values hard work the way you do, you sure do try to get me play hooky a lot."

"Mmmhmm," he agreed, rolling onto his stomach.  "But if you're not going to stay here, go away so I can go back to sleep."

I rolled my eyes and made my way into the bathroom, where I quickly showered, threw on a bare minimum of makeup, and pulled my hair back. By the time I emerged, Brody was fast asleep again.  Good, I hoped he slept in.  I knew he'd probably head into work today, but I hoped it wasn't until later.

As I was tiptoeing out of the room, he stirred and said, "Leaving without saying goodbye?"

"You told me to go away so you could go back to sleep," I protested with a laugh, walking back over to the bed.  I leaned down and kissed him goodbye, then escaped without further incident.  I grabbed one of the bananas I picked up yesterday and went out the door.  On my way to work, I grabbed coffee and a muffin (drive-thru coffee places are the best things in the entire world).

Despite not getting quite enough sleep, I woke up quickly enough and had a pretty good day at work.  After, I called Brody.  He answered right away.  "Are you at work?" I asked.

"No, I stayed home today.  I just couldn't motivate myself enough to drive into town and go to the office.  Will you be mad if I make you drive back out here?  I'll make dinner."

"I can come back out, especially if you're making dinner.  I just need to run home and grab some stuff first.  Do you need me to pick anything up before I come out?"

"No, I don't think so," he replied.  We said goodbye and I went home to get some clothes for the rest of the weekend.  I stopped for a few minutes to chat with Lauren, who was getting ready to go out with Alex. 

By the time I got back out to Brody's house, I was starving.  Luckily he had dinner almost done and I didn't have to wait long to eat.  I tried to take care of the dishes when we were done eating, but he wouldn't let me.  I hopped up on the counter and talked to him while he finished cleaning up.

When he was done, he dried his hands off and walked over to me.  He pushed my knees apart far enough so that he could stand between them.  "Hey!" I exclaimed.  "Your hands are still wet!" 

"Are they?" he asked.  "Huh."  Then he slipped his hands under my skirt, trailing his damp fingers up my bare legs. 

I squealed and tried to wriggle away from him but he slid his hands all the way up to my hips and pulled me tightly against him.  "I don't appreciate your wet fingers," I said.

"You don't?  How about now?"  One hand slid over my hip and thigh and stroked me gently through my underwear. 

"Mmmm, maybe," I replied. 

"Now?" He pushed my underwear to the side and his fingers slipped across my skin.  I bit my lip and moaned softly.  "I'll take that as a yes, then."  Brody knelt in front of me and pulled me forward so my hips were closer to the edge of the counter.  "But if you don't like my fingers..." 

I gasped when his tongue touched me and shuddered, realizing that one of his neighbors would have an excellent view through the window, if they happened to look out at the right moment.  "The window," I said breathlessly. 

"So?" he replied, and I was disappointed that he had stopped to talk.  "You're fully clothed."  And I was, minus my skirt being pushed up to a questionable height on my legs.  I groaned as he returned to his task and realized that maybe I didn't care that his neighbor might get a bit of a show.  Anyway, I very quickly forgot about just about everything besides what his tongue was doing to me.

He stopped just short of my orgasm and I huffed in disappointment.  He cocked an eyebrow at me and lifted me off the counter.  "I think we'll be far more comfortable elsewhere, don't you?"

"Yeah, like right here," I replied.  I tugged his sweatpants down and nudged him backwards until he sat at one of the dining table chairs. 

"The window?" he asked, smirking at me. 

"Fuck the window," I replied, straddling him and lowering myself onto him.  We both groaned and quickly forgot about the window. 

We eventually made it up to his bed, and laid there tangled together in the growing darkness.   "So," he said casually, breaking the comfortable silence.  "Any more worries about moving in?" 

"No," I answered honestly.  "I feel a lot better about it now.  Did you have a timeline in mind?"

"The timeline is yours, sweetheart," he said, smoothing my hair away from my face and pulling me even closer to him.  "I would have done it a month ago.  So whenever you're ready, I'm ready."

"It might take awhile to find a place, right?  I mean, we don't necessary have to find something new, but maybe we can at least look, and see what's out there?"

"We can," he agreed. 

"So maybe I'll talk to Lauren, and see if she's interested in taking over my lease.  And if she is, then we can start looking and if we find something we'll move.  And if she's not, we have a little more time, since my lease doesn't end until June." 

Brody chuckled softly.  "That's really only two months away," he pointed out.

"That's true.  So we should start looking either way, I guess."

"Is that okay?  Because it was only a couple weeks ago that you were flying out of here over this."

I was glad he couldn't see my face get red.  "It's okay," I assured him.  "I just...have realized that this is what I want and there's not really a good reason to wait at this point."

"Yeah?" he asked.  "Because I really only want to do this if you're completely ready.  I'm not pushing this, I promise.  If you want to wait, I understand."

"No, I'm ready," I replied.  "I hate that it took everything with your dad to make me realize it, but I want to wake up next to you every day.  And come home to you every night.  And all that other stupid sappy stuff that people sing about and say in the movies."

Brody laughed and kissed my forehead--the only part of my face he could reach right now.  "I really thought you were going for the stupid sappy stuff there for a minute, and I was worried that you were sick or not in your right mind.  But since you ruined it, I feel so much better about believing that this is what you want." 

I laughed too.  "It is," I promised.

"Well then, I guess we should talk to a realtor and decide what we're looking for.  Budget, must-haves, location, all that."

"A library," I declared.

"Umm...what?"

"A library.  You know, a room with books and sliding ladders and a dusty old desk?  It's not a must-have, obviously, but someday.  In my dream, it looks just like the one from Beauty and the Beast, except less animated."

"Well, I've never seen Beauty and the Beast, but I'll be sure to put a library on the list," he said, chuckling.

"You've never seen Beauty and the Beast?  That is not okay."

"I wasn't much of a Disney movie kid," he replied.

"Well, I know what we're doing tomorrow!" I exclaimed.

"Hmmm, I might have to go to the office tomorrow...." he teased. 

"I don't think so," I said indignantly.  "After all the war movies, and action movies, and stupid comedies that you've made me watch, you can spend 90 minutes watching a classic love story."

"I'll watch it if you admit that calling it a 'classic love story' is a liiiiiiittle bit of a stretch," he negotiated.

"You'll watch it because you love me and it'll make me happy," I countered.

"Pulling out the big guns, huh?  Okay, you win.  I'll watch it because I love you and it'll make you happy." 

I grinned in the dark.  He shifted and we rolled onto our sides.  I settled against him, wrapping my arm around his arm, which was holding me tightly against him.  Soon I could fall asleep like this every night.








 

Yeah, About That.

I ended up falling asleep not long after hanging up with Brody.  I woke up at 3am, starving and a little disoriented.  I guess that's what happens when you go to bed by 7 without eating dinner.  I dragged myself out of bed and went downstairs for a snack.  As I emerged from my room into the hallway, I saw the dark shape of my carry-on next to my bedroom door.  Alex or Lauren must have brought it up for me. 

I made my way downstairs in the dark and helped myself to a little bit of Lauren and Alex's leftovers that they had offered me the night before.  When I was done, I washed the dishes I had used (the kitchen was actually clean, and I wasn't going to do anything to mess it up!) and went back up to bed.  I slept restlessly the last couple hours before my alarm, then got up to get ready for work. 

Even after my early bedtime I still just felt drained.  I hoped I wasn't getting sick but figured the more likely culprit was the combination of traveling, not sleeping well in Miami, and the emotion of the weekend. 

I was catching up on my email at my desk with someone knocked on my door.  I looked up and saw Kelly, my supervisor, standing there.  I immediately got a little nervous.  Kelly had clients of her own and we didn't interact a ton, aside from in passing and during staff meetings.  "Hi, Olivia," she said with a smile that eased my nerves a little. 

"Good morning, Kelly, come on in!" I tried to greet her cheerfully so I didn't look like a little kid that just got called down to the principal's office for an unknown reason.  It ended up just sounding fakely over-enthusiastic.

She came in and sat down, smiling warmly.  "You've been here for almost three months now and I just wanted to check in and see how things were going."  This put me even more at ease and I returned her smile.

"I can't believe it's been almost three months," I responded honestly.  "It's been good so far."

"Good.  We've been happy with your consistency so far, and your paperwork is excellent."

"That's great, thank you!"  I meant to smile at the compliment, but I yawned instead. 

Kelly chuckled.  "Exciting weekend?"

"No," I replied, shaking my head.  "My boyfriend's dad died, so I went down to Miami to be with him while he was taking care of things.  It was a long weekend." 

"Oh, wow, I'm so sorry," Kelly said sincerely.  "Why didn't you take today off?"

I shrugged.  "I didn't realize I'd be so tired.  And then it didn't feel quite bad enough to call in sick."

"Sounds like a pretty rough weekend, I think you should go home and get some rest and relax."

When your boss suggests you go home, you go home.  I didn't need to be told twice.  I headed home, changed into sweats, and went back to bed.

After sleeping for a few more hours, I felt much better.  I got up and made myself some lunch and did some laundry while I enjoyed reading on my couch, alone.  My inner introvert was thrilled to be hanging out by myself for awhile.

But by the time I got a text from Lauren saying she was going to be at Alex's house and asking to reschedule our Monday night roommate night to Tuesday (I guess they must have made up...I made a mental note to ask her about it tomorrow), I was ready to be around people.  I decided to head next door and see if Cassie was home.

She threw open her door and hugged me.  "I haven't seen you ages," she squealed, pulling me inside.

"I know," I agreed.  "Where have you been?  We invited you to dinner last week but you never responded."

"Oh," she replied, making a weird face.  "I guess I never got the message?"   I looked at her, confused.  There were several messages in our group text, she didn't get any of them?  I didn't feel like calling her out, so I just shrugged.

"How are you?" she asked.  "How's Brody doing?  So sad about his dad."

"I'm good, and he's doing okay.  He's obviously still down in Miami, taking care of things.  I hate how when someone dies there's all sorts of bullshit to take care of on top of it.  It just sucks."

"Yeah, it does," Cassie agreed. 

"How are you?" I turned her question back on her.  "I'm going to need an update on your life.  And your men."

She laughed.  "Just man now.  Nick's out.  He ran into James and I when we were out having a drink a couple weeks ago and he's apparently not into sharing."

"I'm shocked," I said sarcastically, chuckling.  "James didn't care?" 

"He was fine.  I mean, it's not like we're exclusive, and anyway, I hear he's used to not being the only guy on his girl's mind." 

"Low blow!" I exclaimed.  "You know that's not how it was.  I mean, I guess it was, but that's not how I wanted it to be." 

"Relax, I'm just giving you a hard time.  Anyway, he seems completely happy with what we've got going on, and I'm quite pleased with it too, so I'm glad he didn't care about Nick's little tantrum."

"Oh no," I replied.  "What did he do?"

"Oh, you know...swore a little, called me a whore, stormed off like a child.  The usual."

I shook my head.  "Well that's rich, coming from a guy that stood you up one weekend, then flirted with Kinsley right in front of you the next.  And James just...what?  Laughed?"

"Pretty much."  

It was a little weird to imagine Cassie and James hanging out, but I was happy they were, um, enjoying each other.  We hung out and caught up for about another hour before I headed back home.  Once I got there, I pulled out my phone and called Brody.  We talked for just a couple minutes, because he was finishing up at his dad's house.

The rest of the week passed quickly.  Tuesday Lauren and I repeated last week's pizza, wine, and catching up night.  Lauren filled me in on the news with her and Alex: she had decided she was being silly and she apologized to Alex.  They were now an official, full-blown couple, complete with "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" titles.  I was ridiculously excited and Lauren tried to pretend like she thought I was being dumb, but I know she was secretly pleased.

I was expecting Brody home on Thursday or Friday, and on Thursday he called and said he wasn't able to get a flight until Friday afternoon.  "So I won't be home until probably about 8:30 on Friday," he concluded.  "I wish I hadn't flown out of Colorado Springs, but it's too late for that."

"You could always stay with your mom Friday and drive back Saturday," I suggested, even though I didn't want to wait that long to see him.

"If my mother and I have to spend one more second together, one of us probably won't come back alive.  I'm not even sure which of us, at this point.  I tried to send her back earlier in the week when we finished up at the house, but she insisted on staying.  She's been mostly entertaining herself, but we've been spending just enough time together to drive each other crazy.  Plus, I just want to sleep in my bed with my girlfriend, and the sooner the better."

"Well I can't argue with that," I replied.  "Does that mean you want me to come out on Friday?"

"I'd love it.  I know you work on Saturday though, so if you don't want to, I can come to you." 

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see me, and assured him it wasn't a problem for me to come out.  We talked for a few more minutes and then I let him go so I could get back to work. 

On Friday when I left work, before heading out to Brody's house, I stopped at the grocery store.  He'd been gone for a week and a half and I figured he wouldn't stop to pick anything up on the way home.  Then he'd be stuck with an empty fridge.  I picked up some basics, some things I knew he liked, and stuff for dinner. 

I got to his house and let myself in just a few minutes before he texted to tell me that he had dropped his mom off and was heading home.  I looked around.  It was clear that he'd left in a hurry.  There were dirty dishes in the sink, some random clothes on the couch, and a variety of things in mild disarray.  I guessed he probably hadn't had his mail held or asked a neighbor to grab it either.  I headed out to his mailbox, which was practically overflowing, and brought everything in.  I put in on the table and got started on my mission.

By the time Brody walked in the door around 8:30, I had cleaned his kitchen, tidied everything up, and a late dinner was almost done cooking.   Brody walked into the kitchen and looked around in surprise.  "Hi," I said with a smile, leaving the pot I was stirring on the stove and wrapping my arms around his neck. 

"Hi," he replied, kissing me lightly on the lips.  "Did you clean?"

"I did," I replied.  "I cleaned, I picked up a few groceries for you, and dinner is almost done.  Oh, and the sheets for your bed are in the dryer." 

He pulled back slightly and looked at me.  "Liv..." he started softly.  "This is going to sound really dumb, but this is probably the greatest thing you could have done for me right now.  I really, really needed to come home and not have to take care of stupid things like washing dishes and going to the grocery store." 

I shrugged, my face heating up a little.  "You always do such thoughtful things for me, but I really suck at being thoughtful.  So I wanted to do something." I squirmed a little under his gaze, so he tightened his arms around my waist and kissed me again. 

"Well, thank you," he said when we pulled apart.  "You nailed it."  I smiled and moved back to the stove, turning it off. 

"Are you hungry?" I asked.  "Because if you're not, this will reheat fine tomorrow."

"I'm starving.  Just let me go take a quick shower, okay?"  I nodded and got out some plates and silverware.  When he returned less than 10 minutes later, I had dinner set out on the table, complete with a beer at his plate and a glass of wine at mine. 

"How was your week?" Brody asked as we ate.  I told him about my week, and about Lauren and Alex, and Cassie and Nick and James.  He seemed perfectly content to listen to me ramble on, and whenever I paused to let him talk, he just asked me another question.  He looked exhausted and didn't seem interested in saying much. 

Finally I asked, "So, did you find a buyer?"

He made a face.  "No.  I didn't.  They both came in way too low.  I know that my dad's activities killed the reputation a little, but they only lost a few clients.  It's still worth way more than what anyone wanted to pay.  So I'm going to hold onto it for awhile, give them some time to repair its reputation, and go from there."

"So what does that mean for you?" I asked. 

He shrugged.  "I told the board I couldn't do much, and they understand.  They'll consult me on any major decisions, and I'll Skype into their biweekly board meetings, but other than that, they'll just run things how they have been.  My dad was there and he was hardly involved.  They've been going without him for two months now.  My involvement will be minimal.  I'll stay out of their way and let them do their thing."

"Well, that's good.  Hopefully they won't need too much from you."

"Hopefully not, but I have a feeling I'll end up doing more work than I think I will.  That's always how it works.  Either way, I'm not going to move forward with the San Diego stuff.  It's just not good timing.  And I think I'm going to take a break from accepting any new clients here.  I've been working too goddamn hard.  If I had a normal job, I'd just take some time off, but I can't do that.  I need things to be stable so I can figure out how to handle things more efficiently.  Then maybe I can take on some new clients, but until then, I just can't."

I didn't know what to say.  He was always so sure of himself and his business and his ability to handle whatever came his way.  Luckily, he interrupted my silent struggle of how to support him by saying, "Anyway, I don't want to talk about Miami, or work, or my dad, or anything besides how happy I am to be home now." 

He stood and picked up both our empty plates, despite my protest, and rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher.  Then he grabbed his beer bottle and my wine glass in one hand and held his other out to me.  I took it and he tugged me out of my chair and we walked into the living room and settled onto the couch.  "So, now I kind of feel like I have to worry about you just randomly showing up at my house and making yourself at home," he teased me. 

"Yeah," I replied.  "About that...can we talk about that?"

"Talk about what?" Brody asked, sounding confused.

I took a deep breath.  "Talk about moving in together."
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Sorry the post was a little later than usual tonight!  I've been working hard on getting a few more ready to go for this week :) 

Part of the Family

Well, holy shit.  We hit 400,000 views!  It completely snuck up on me, too.  I mean, I knew it was coming in the near future, but it came a lot quicker than I was anticipating.  However, it has perfect timing, because I'm on spring break from school and my internship.  Now, usually I've done a post every day for these big milestones, and that's always been really easy when I've had a dozen plus posts in reserve.  I can't promise that this time, but there will be bonuses, starting today!  I'm aiming for at least 4 posts this week.  Thank you guys so much for reading!
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"Fuuuuckk."

I rolled over and squinted at Brody in early morning light.  His groaning was not the most cheerful alarm clock in the world.  "Do you need some water?" I asked sleepily.

"I need a do-over on last night so I can stop 4 drinks sooner," he replied.  "Jesus Christ, I haven't had a hangover this awful since I lived in this godforsaken city.  Do you have aspirin or something?"

"In my purse, do you want me to get it?" I really just wanted him to be quiet and go back to sleep, but I had a feeling that wasn't happening without some intervention, and I understand awful hangovers.

"No, I can get it."  He got up slowly and unsteadily and stumbled out of the bedroom to find my purse.  Frankly, I would have been shocked if he wasn't still drunk.   He came back in after a couple minutes and laid back down, rolling onto his side with his back to me.  I shrugged and rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep.

I must have succeeded because the next time I opened my eyes, the light filtering in around the curtains was less gray dawn and more bright mid-morning.  I rolled over to see how Brody was fairing, and discovered the bed next to me empty.  I found my phone and saw it was a little before 9.  I needed to be to the airport by about 1:30, so I got up and got in the shower.

I stood under the spray of the shower head for a long time.  This hadn't been a fun trip, and I felt exhausted even though I had slept for nearly 9 hours.  It had definitely taken an emotional toll on me, so I couldn't even imagine how Brody felt.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in the soft hotel robe, I heard movement out in the living area of the suite.  I walked out and found Brody sitting on the couch with a spread of coffee, Gatorade, bagels, and something that smelled vaguely of bacon on the coffee table in front of him. 

"Good morning," I said, coming out and sitting next to him.  "Feeling better?"

"A little," he replied, grimacing.  "Getting up and taking aspirin and drinking some water helped.  I felt a little more human when I woke up again.  A shower helped a little more.  I'm hoping coffee, bagels, and a greasy breakfast sandwich finish the job.  There's a sandwich with ham instead of bacon in there for you, if you want it."

"You're already doing better than I would be," I commented as I pulled the breakfast sandwich out of the bag.  "I'd still be laying in bed swearing.  I definitely would not have gone out and gotten my own hangover food.  Thank you, by the way."

He chuckled.  "I figured I owed you one from last night.  I was a real shit show, huh?  I'm really sorry."

"You needed a night like that, I think," I responded.  "Don't worry about it.  It's not like I've never been a drunken mess."

Brody shrugged.  "I did need it," he said softly.  "Look, about our conversation last night...thanks.  I mean, I clearly needed to talk, and I'm glad it was to you.  So thank you for listening."  I nodded, and we ate in silence for a couple minutes.

"What are your plans for today, then?" I asked finally.

"I stopped by my mom and Jen's room and talked to them this morning.  Sounds like they made a ton of progress yesterday at the house and it's almost done.  Jen is flying back in the morning, so she and my mom are taking the day off and doing some fun stuff.  I'm going to spend the morning with you, then after I drop you off I'll head over to the house, and then I'll meet my mom and Jen for dinner tonight.  They asked if we wanted to meet them for lunch before you head back, too."

"Works for me, if you want to," I replied.  He nodded and grabbed his phone, presumably to text Jen.

"Do you want to do anything in particular before lunch?" he asked, after he had sent the text.

I shook my head.  "Not really.  To tell the truth, I'm pretty exhausted for some reason."

"Wrangling a drunk man will do that to a person," he joked.  We laid together on the couch, watching some stupid movie we had found, until it was time to get ready to head out.  I got dressed, pulled my hair back, and quickly packed up my stuff.  Brody carried my carry-on down to car and drove us to the restaurant where we were meeting his mom and sister for lunch. 

"You're looking much perkier, Brody," Jen said with a grin when we walked in.  She turned to me.  "Hi, Liv!"  I greeted her and Thalia and we sat down.  Brody had told me a little about his sister's relationship (or rather lack of relationship) with their dad, but I was still surprised at her cheer this morning.  It was certainly better than any alternative, however.

We had a nice lunch, and it was almost as if we were gathered in Miami for a cheerful event instead of the real reason we were there.  Thalia and Jen chatted cheerfully with me about various things, and Brody joked with us too.  The mood was far different than yesterday's, and it was a relief.

I excused myself to use the restroom, and Jen stood and said she'd join me.  As we got out of earshot of the table, she looked at me and said, "I don't know what you did after you guys left yesterday, but thank you.  He's a different person today, and I'm not going to have to leave here wanting to strangle him."

"Hmm, I'm not sure if it was the beach, the liter of vodka, or the drunken midnight therapy session, but I agree with you...he seems much better today." I said. 

"Thank you so much for coming down here.  He needed this.  I hope it gets him through the rest of this week."

"I was happy to," I replied.  "It was good to see you, too.  Next time can we make it under happier circumstances?"

She pushed open the door to the women's bathroom and surprised me by pulling me into a tight hug.  "Yes.  I'm so glad Brody has you in his life." She pulled back and regarded me carefully, holding me an arm's length away.  "If he fucks this up and doesn't officially make you a part of this family, I will disown him and marry you myself."

I blushed.  I wondered how much Brody talked to her, and if she knew about our recent argument about me moving in with him.  I hoped she didn't, and she gave no indication of it as she let me go and disappeared into one of the stalls.  The idea of being a part of their family made me smile, despite my reluctance to seriously consider moving on that quite yet. 

We finished up in the bathroom and walked back to the table.  Brody and his mom were having a serious-looking discussion that stopped as we drew nearer.  I looked at him curiously but he just smiled and squeezed my hand under the table.

We sat and chatted for a few more minutes, until Brody looked at his watch and said, "We'd better get you to the airport."

Thalia and Jen walked us out, and I hugged them both as Brody went to get his rental car.  When he pulled up in front of the restaurant I said goodbye and got in.  "I wish I could stay longer," I said wistfully, looking out the windows at the palm trees as we drove towards the airport.  I wanted a real vacation.  We should be in San Diego right now, I reflected silently.  But life happens.

When we pulled up in drop off/pick up zone at the airport, I took my time getting out, even as people hustled and bustled quickly around me.  Brody already had my bag out of the back by the time I shut my door and made my way over to him.  

He pulled me into a tight hug, pressing his cheek against the top of my head.  "Thank you for coming down," he said softly.  I nodded against his chest.  I don't know what had come over me, but I felt like I was about to have a meltdown.  I just wanted him to be coming back to Denver with me.  I wanted things to be normal.  I took a deep, shaky breath and squeezed him a little tighter, and I got it together quickly before he could notice.  I didn't need him worrying about me on top of everything else.

When he pulled away, he quickly took my face in his hands and kissed me gently.  "I have meetings with potential buyers for the company on Wednesday and Thursday," he reported.  "I'd like to be out of here Thursday evening, but it depends on how things go.  It might be Friday."

"Okay," I said, forcing a smile.  He pushed a piece of unruly hair behind my ear and kissed me again.

"Alright, let's go, people are waiting!" called an airport employee, staring right at us.  I glared at him, which caused Brody to chuckle.  We said our goodbyes and I wheeled my carry-on into the airport, glaring again the airport employee, even though we had been in the way and he was just doing his job.

Still exhausted, I slept most of the way back.  The drive into town from DIA was painful, and all I wanted by the time I pulled up to my house was my bed.  I half-hoped that Lauren wasn't home, because I didn't feel like talking to anyone.

But Lauren's car was in the driveway and Alex's car was in front of the house when I finally made it home.  Alex stood up to grab my bag as I hauled my shit inside, and I was grateful for that.  "Thanks," I managed, smiling weakly.

Lauren hugged me.  "How's he doing?" she asked worriedly.  Alex looked concerned as well.

"It was a rough weekend," I admitted.  "Yesterday was ugly.  He seemed a little better today though."

Lauren made a sympathetic face.  "Are you hungry?" she asked.  "We picked up some stuff for dinner, but we have way too much."  I shook my head.  "Okay," she said.  "Well, I'm sure there will be some left later if you change your mind."

"Thanks, Laur," I said.  I kicked my shoes off and eyed up my carry-on.  Just the thought of carrying it upstairs was too much.

"Don't forget about Cassie," Alex said suddenly.  I looked up in confusion.

"Right!" Lauren exclaimed.  "Cassie stopped by.  She obviously heard about what happened through the work grapevine.  She said to ask you to stop by when you were back and feeling up to it."  I nodded again.  "Alex and I can go upstairs," Lauren offered.  "You look beat."

"I am," I agreed.  "But that's okay.  I think I'm just going to go lay down for a little while.  I'm so drained."

"Tell Brody we love him," she said in parting.  I decided I could get my carry-on in the morning, and headed upstairs.  When I made it up to my room, I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and changed into comfortable shorts and a t-shirt, then laid down in bed and called Brody.

"Home?" he asked, by way of greeting.

"Yeah," I replied.  "Lauren loves you."

"Huh?"

"Lauren wanted me to tell that we--I mean 'they' love you," I clarified.  "I think she and Alex are worried about you."

"That makes so much more sense.  You sound exhausted."

"I am...I have no idea why though.  I guess just a lot of traveling in a couple days.  But how are you?"

"Better than I was yesterday, that's for sure," he replied.  "I just got back to the room after having dinner with my mom and Jen.  They love you, you know."

"So Jen said," I responded.

"Wait, what did Jen say?"

I chuckled.  "I believe her exact words were, 'If he fucks this up and doesn't officially make you a part of this family, I will disown him and marry you myself.'"

"And did you freak out and drive into a snowbank?" he teased me.

"I tried, but I couldn't find a snowbank anywhere near the restaurant, so I just came back.  Apparently it's too hot in Miami."  He laughed then, and it felt good to joke with him.  I was relieved, because I didn't know what to make of Brody when he wasn't quite himself.  

"But seriously, I love that my family loves you," he said.

"I love that you love that your family loves me," I replied, then paused to make sure I got that right.

"God, you're a pain.  Stop ruining all the potentially sappy moments."  I could see him in my head, shaking his head and rolling his eyes at me. 

I stifled a yawn, then said, "I'm sorry, I love you.  And I love your family."

"Good, because I hope you're going to be officially part of it someday."

I smiled, even though he couldn't see me.  "I hope so too."

Not Your Finest Hour

After my nap, I got up, showered and then got ready to go out.  Brody came into the bedroom as I was fighting with my hair.  He smirked as he watched me try to wrestle it into submission.  "The humidity here has turned my hair into an untamed beast," I complained.

His smirk turned into a grin and he kissed me on the cheek and said, "Good thing you're pretty enough for it not to matter," as he walked into the bathroom to shower.

"That's not really helpful!" I called after him.  I heard him laugh from behind the closed door.

I finally gave up and pulled my hair back in a bun, smoothing the fly-aways down the best I could.  At least it would be away from my face and off my neck.

We beat Jack and his date to the restaurant, so we got a table and drinks while we waited.  By the time Jack and a pretty redhead walked in 15 minutes later, Brody had already ordered a second drink.  I was glad we had taken a cab here and I wouldn't need to try to navigate downtown traffic on the way home.

We stood up to greet Jack, and he introduced his date as Alyssa.  She looked nothing like what I had imagined when Brody told me Jack was seeing someone, but she was very pretty and seemed nice.  She excused herself to use the restroom after they ordered drinks, and Jack looked at Brody.  "I won't tell any college stories about you to Liv if you don't tell any of mine to Alyssa."

Brody raised one eyebrow and grinned.  "Well, where's the fun in that?  And anyway, Liv knows all about my sordid past."

"Come on, man, she's a nice girl.  You'll horrify her if you tell her what I used to be like.  She knows the basics, she doesn't need the nitty gritty details."

"How'd you end up with a nice girl anyway?" Brody asked, chuckling.

"The same way you did," Jack replied pointedly.

Brody laughed fully then and shook his head.  "Jack, I'm not going to tell her all about your past, don't worry.  I'll stick to the 2 or 3 clean-ish stories that exist."  Jack looked relieved, and both guys looked up sheepishly as Alyssa returned to the table.  I rolled my eyes.  They weren't even going to need to tell stories to get Jack in trouble with how guilty they both looked already.

Brody kept his word, even after downing several drinks.  When he got up to go to the bathroom, Jack leaned across the table and asked softly, the worry in his face evident, "Does he always drink like this?"

I shook my head.  "Never.  I've only seen him actually drunk a couple times. He's not doing well with everything."

"Clearly," Jack replied.  He briefly explained to a confused Alyssa that Brody's dad had died, leaving out the ugly details.  "What can I do?"

I shrugged.  "I don't know," I replied.  "I think it will help to just see you again if you guys can work it out sometime this week."  He nodded, but then we had to stop conspiring because Brody was headed back towards the table.

I was relieved when we finished dinner, because Brody was obviously drunk at this point, and I wanted to get him back to the hotel room before he got too wasted.  He ruined my relief by insisting on heading to the bar next door for another drink.

"I don't think that's a great idea," I said.  "I'm pretty tired, and you must be too."

"Yeah," Jack agreed.  "We should probably get going."

"What, can't drink like you used to, old man?" Brody said, a little more loudly than necessary.  Someone at a nearby table turned and glared in our direction.

"Brody, we can have another drink when we get back to the hotel," I suggested desperately.  The waiter returned with our change and Brody waved him away.

"You can have another drink when we get back to the hotel," he declared, standing up.  "I'm going to have another drink at the bar next door, and I'd like to see you try to stop me."  I gaped at him, but he simply walked towards the door.

I looked desperately at Jack as we trailed Brody out the door.  I reached for his hand to try to tug him away from the bar next door but he moved out of my reach and walked inside.  "Shit," I muttered.  "He's so fucking drunk."

Jack glanced at Alyssa, who looked sympathetically after Brody.  "Losing a parent is hard," she said simply.  I was glad she didn't seem to think that this was the norm for Brody.

Jack nodded.  "I need to stay here with them until we can get him out of here," he said apologetically to Alyssa.  "I'll get you a cab if you want to go."

"You don't have to stay," I said quickly.  I was grateful for the offer, but I didn't want Brody's grief to ruin anyone's night.

"I'm staying," he replied firmly.  He turned to Alyssa, waiting for her response.

"I'll stay too," she said.  We walked into the crowded building and quickly located Brody near the bar, an already nearly empty drink in his hand.

He grinned widely at us when he saw us approaching.  "Decided to not be old and lame, huh?  Good choice.  What do you want?"

"I'm fine," I said, at the same time as Jack's reply of, "Water is good."

Brody's grin faded.  "Ah, so old and lame after all, with the added bonus of being here to babysit me.  Got it."

"Brody," Jack said firmly but kindly.  "Not a single one of us can pretend to know what you're going through, but I'm worried you're going to seriously regret not going back to your hotel with Liv when you finish that drink."

In an impressive act of pointed defiance, Brody turned away from Jack and ordered another drink.  When it came, he slammed it and it was gone within 10 seconds.

"Brody, you're kind of freaking me out," I said quietly.  It was loud and crowded, and I didn't think he'd hear me.  I was surprised when he turned to me immediately, concern on his face.

"Okay," he said abruptly.  "We'll go."  I sighed in relief as he walked towards the door.  Jack gave me a questioning look and I shrugged.

I hurried to catch up with him, not wanting to lose him to another distraction.  But when we got outside into the humid night air, Brody went straight for a cab idling at the curb.

"Thanks," I said to Jack, pausing before I went to get in the cab with Brody.  "I'm sorry, this was a mess."

"Don't be.  Wait, let me give you my number.  Call me if you need anything.  And let me know that you got him back in one piece, okay?"  I promised I would, and quickly put his number into my phone and gave him mine.  I thanked him again, weakly told Alyssa that it was nice to meet her, and hurried towards the cab.

As I slid into the backseat, Brody laughed bitterly.  "Giving your number to my former best friend because I'm too much of a disaster for you?"

"Brody, stop," I replied, trying not to let my exasperation show.  "He's worried about you.  He wanted me to have his number in case we needed anything, and he wants to know that I got you safely back to the hotel.  We are going back to the hotel, right?"

He leaned his head back against the headrest and shut his eyes.  "Yes, Liv, we're going back to the hotel," he said, his tone mocking.  I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath, looking out the window to keep from snapping back at him.

We were both silent the rest of the cab ride back, and I was relieved.  I shook him gently when we pulled up in front of the hotel and he roused and climbed out.  I handed the driver some money and followed Brody into the hotel lobby.  We continued our silence through the lobby and during the elevator ride up to the room.  When we got to the room, I went immediately into the bedroom to change for bed.  I then went into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth.  When I came out, Brody was sitting on the bed, looking in my direction.

"You're mad at me too," he said despondently.  "Everyone is mad at me."

My shoulders slumped and I sat down on the floor across from him.  "I'm not mad at you.  I'm worried about you.  I'm frustrated because I can't fix it.  And yes, I'm a little annoyed by how things went tonight, but I understand why."

"I was an asshole today," he stated.

"It was a rough day," I agreed.

"I need to apologize.  To my mom and Jen.  I was terrible to them today."  He stood up and put his shoes back on.  "I'm going to go up to their room and tell them I'm sorry."

"Wait a sec," I said, jumping up.  "Brody, it's after 11.  They're probably sleeping.  You can apologize tomorrow, it'll be better received then."

To my relief, he sank back down on the bed.  "Okay," he agreed.

"Bed?" I asked.  He nodded, then went into the bathroom.  I found a bottle of water in the fridge and put it on the nightstand at his side of the bed and then climbed under the blankets, settling into the comfortable bed.

When he finally joined me, he immediately rolled onto his side and wrapped his arm around me.  I settled back against him.  He was quiet for so long that I thought he was passed out, but when I was almost asleep, he spoke, startling me a little.  "I don't know how to grieve for him, Liv," he whispered, his voice so soft I could barely hear him, his words slightly slurred.

"I know," I replied, hoping his drunkenness would keep him talking.

"I'm so confused," he continued, getting a little louder.  "How do you grieve for someone that you spent more than half your life hating?  But not even hating, because even through the worst, I still had some respect for him--for the way he ran his business and how successful he was.  But now I guess that was misplaced respect.  I mean, I'm still trying to get over the shock of finding out what he was really up to.  And part of me is relieved and I feel like the worst person in the world for that.  But...he was my dad.  And I didn't always hate him.  Before I was old enough to know better...or maybe he just wasn't as awful then.  I feel like a crazy person."  His rambling stopped abruptly, and he took a deep, shuddering breath and pressed his face against the back of my neck.

I waited several seconds to make sure he was done before speaking.  "Brody, even though it feels like it, you're not even close to a crazy person," I started.  He laughed against my neck.  "You're not.  You've had mixed feelings--really strong mixed feelings--about him for so long that I would be far more concerned if you weren't confused and mixed up about how to feel about his death.  And regardless of what kind of person he was, and how you feel about that, he played a really big part in making you into the person you are today, and that's hard to avoid acknowledging.  I can't even wrap my head around all the conflicting thoughts and feelings you might be having, and I wouldn't be shocked if trying to sort those out was the hardest thing about this all.  Especially because we all have an idea what grieving is 'supposed' to be like, or how we're 'supposed' to feel about our parents."

"Yeah," he said.  He was silent for nearly 30 seconds, and I waited, letting him think through whatever he was thinking about.  "That makes sense.  I guess this is one of those times it doesn't suck to have a therapist for a girlfriend."

"So I should not stop being such a fucking therapist?" I teased gently.

"No, I guess not," he admitted.  "Liv, I love you.  I'm happy you came down this weekend.  I didn't realize how much I needed you here until you got here.  Jen probably would have killed me if you weren't here."

"She might have," I agreed with a laugh.

Brody tightened his arm around me, pulling me hard against him.   "I love you," he said again.

"I love you too," I replied, finding his hand and lacing my fingers with his.  "I'm sorry this is so hard, and I wish I could do more to help."

He didn't respond, and I again thought he had passed out finally.  I unlaced my fingers from his so I could shift into a more comfortable position, and I was dozing off when he spoke again.  "Will I ever not feel like it's my fault?"

"I hope so," I replied softly.

"He came to me for help, and I kicked him out.  I chose you over him, and I don't regret that, but maybe none of this would have happened if I had just helped him.  He needed me and..."  Brody stopped, and I felt his body shake slightly against my back as he sucked in a deep breath.  He didn't finish his thought.  I tried to roll over to face him, but his arms tightened around me just enough to keep me from rolling over.  I relaxed back against him and instead moved my hand back up to his and wove my fingers between his once more.  He gripped my hand and pressed his face back against my neck.

I didn't think now would be a good time to point out that he couldn't have prevented anything by giving his dad money when he asked, or not kicking him out of the house, so instead I simply said, "You were put in a tough spot."

I felt him nod.  "Yeah," he agreed.  "Yeah, I was."  He took another deep, shuddering breath, and his grip on my fingers relaxed incrementally.  I waited for him to say something else, and was surprised when he chuckled softly and said, "I'm going to feel like shit in the morning."

"Probably," I concurred. 

"I was an idiot tonight."

"It wasn't your finest hour," I responded mildly.  He laughed then, loudly enough to startle me.  "But," I conceded, "I think you needed it."

"I did," he replied.  "And I'm going to need the feeling like shit in the morning to teach me to not do it again."  I laughed.  "Goodnight, Liv."

I turned far enough to kiss him.  "Goodnight.  I hope you only feel a little shitty in the morning."

I laid awake in the darkness until I was sure that he was really asleep.  Then I shut my eyes and sank into an exhausted slumber.

(Now) Brody: Special Agent Finn

This is the bonus post for last week, sort of.  If you haven't already read yesterday's post on the regular storyline, don't miss it.  

Warning:  This post has some tough stuff in it.  If you might be sensitive to reading about the death of a family member and would rather skip it, you won't miss anything important from the main storyline. 

__________________________

I looked at my watch.  It was after 7 already.  I looked at my list of things I had hoped to accomplish before leaving and decided to wrap up what I was currently working on and do one more thing, then take off for the night.  No sooner had I turned back to what I was doing when my phone rang.  I glanced at the screen and when I saw "Private" I answered quickly.  A lot of my clients' numbers showed up that way.

"Good evening, Mr. Adler."  I recognized him immediately.  That calm, confident, smooth-as-silk voice could only belong to someone that worked for the U.S. Government.  When I didn't say anything, he continued.  "This is Special Agent Finn, from the Miami field office of the FBI.  We've spoken--"

"Yes," I cut him off.  "I know who you are."

"Well, Mr. Adler," he continued smoothly, "I'm sorry to be the one to have to deliver this news, but your father's body was found this morning."

He certainly didn't sound sorry.  He sounded just as-- "Wait, what?" I asked suddenly, as his words finally sunk in.  "You found his body?  So...he's dead?"  

"I'm afraid so.  And I'm sorry you had to find out over the phone.  Normally we prefer to deliver news such as this in person, but given the circumstances, I made the decision to give you the news sooner rather than later, even though that meant we had to do it over the phone."  He was completely unruffled.  Calm, smooth.  I wondered if they taught people that in the FBI academy.  How To Speak Like a Government Agent 101.  "I realize you probably have some questions, but I'm afraid that I've given you all the information that I can for now.  Would you like me to inform the rest of your family, or would you prefer to do it yourself?  You might want to give your father's attorney a call as well."

My mind was reeling.  On a surface level, I understood his words.  Their meaning was clear.  But they weren't quite sinking in.  They rested in limbo between conscious understanding and unconscious realization and it seemed as though they were blocking the rest of my brain from being able to function normally.

"Mr. Adler, I realize this is overwhelming news.  Would you like me to inform the rest of your family, or would you prefer to do it yourself?" He repeated the question in a perfectly patient tone, but I imagined that he probably rolled his eyes and sighed silently in his plush Special Agent office 1700 miles away.

"I'll do it," I snapped.  I didn't want his offensively unperturbed composure anywhere near my mom or sister.  I guessed I'd have to call Ken too. 

"That sounds like a good idea," he replied placidly.  "I'll contact you when I have more information for you.  Good night, Mr. Adler."  And then he hung up.

The first feeling that hit me after he hung up was a rush of anger.  Anger at Special Agent Finn, at my dad, at myself, at everything and nothing.  When the initial surge faded, I realized I needed to make some phone calls.  I picked up my phone and dialed the numbers easily.

I was surprised when Liv answered cheerfully.  I pulled the phone from my ear and looked at the screen.  I hadn't really thought about who I was calling, I just called.  When I told her what happened, she immediately said she was coming to get me.  I could picture her hopping around, pulling her shoes on with one hand, the phone in the other.

When I hung up with her, I dialed again, this time paying more attention to the numbers.

"Two hour time difference, my dearest brother," Jen said in greeting.  I looked at my watch and realized it was close to 10pm in Philadelphia.

"Sorry, Jen," I said.  "But..."  I stopped.  I hadn't thought through how I was going to do this.  I didn't have words for it, and the last thing I wanted was to come off as compassionless as Special Agent Finn.

"Brody?" Jen asked.  "What's going on?" She sounded nervous now.

I took a deep breath.  "Jen, the FBI agent that was working on Dad's stuff called me.  He said...they...well, they found...goddamnit!"  I bit out the curse harshly after stumbling over the words too many times.

"Is he dead?" Jen asked softly.  Thank God for my sister's perception.  "Brody?  Say something."

I realized it had been several seconds since her question had been asked.  "Yeah.  ...Yeah, he's dead."

Jen was silent for a concerning amount of time, then said, "Did you tell Mom?  Or Ken?"

"No, you're the first person I called."  That wasn't entirely true, but I wasn't sure how Jen would feel about me telling Liv before I told my family.  "I was going to call Mom next.  And Ken..."

"Let me help," she said gently.  "I'll tell Ken.  Tell me what you know and I'll call him.  He probably won't answer, but I'll try."

"I don't know anything else.  Special Agent Finn isn't the most helpful guy."

"Okay.  I'll call him anyway.  You'll call Mom?  Are you going to head down there?  I assume there are things to get in order.  I can meet you down there and help."  I had never been so thankful for my sister's detachment from our father.  She was able to be reasonable and logical right now when I couldn't be.

"I can call Mom," I confirmed, sounding a lot more confident about that then I felt.  "I'm going to try to get a flight out in the morning.  I'll let you know."  

We hung up, and I dialed my mom's number with shaking fingers.  Get a grip, I thought to myself as the phone rang.  Delivering the news to my mom didn't happen any easier or more gracefully than it did with my sister, but I was relieved when it was over.  My mom immediately requested to join us in Miami.

"Why?" I asked bluntly.  "You didn't love him anymore."  It came out far more harshly than I intended, but in that moment I didn't even care.

"You're right," my mom said, not even phased by my attitude, "But I love you, so I'm coming.  And don't you dare argue with me." 

"Fine," I huffed.  "But if you're coming, I'm paying.  I'll book the tickets.  And don't you dare argue with me." 

"I wouldn't dream of it."

After I hung up with my mom, I texted Jen to let her know that Mom was coming and that I'd give her our flight info when I had it.  She texted back that she hadn't been able to reach Ken, but she'd booked us two hotel rooms already.  She offered to share with Mom, which I appreciated.  I had a feeling I was going to need my space over the next week.

Next up was Dad's attorney.  He gave me the news that Dad's house had been foreclosed on and the bank was giving us one week to get personal items out of the house before they auctioned it.  It didn't even occur to me to wonder how the bank already knew about his death.  I was still on the phone with him when Liv walked into my office.  I hung up, frustrated by the attorney's urgency in pushing me to get down there as soon as possible, and turned to Liv.  I thought that having her here would be calming, but it made me feel manic.  For some reason, as soon as I looked at her, all the things I needed to the do in the next 12 hours and the next week swam into my consciousness and I started to feel anxious.

She sat with me while I did the things I needed to do, and didn't even bat an eye when I told her I was leaving.  Her only concern was if I was okay to drive down to my mom's house.  I wished that I could appreciate her more right now, but I just couldn't.

I stopped at home and packed quickly, robotically.  I left when my suitcase was full, not even paying attention to if I had enough underwear or the proper clothes for Miami right now.  I could buy anything I didn't have.  The only thing I made sure to pack was a pair of gym shoes, some shorts, and a couple t-shirts.  I was halfway out the door before I realized I still had my suit on, and I left my suitcase on the porch and the door half open to go inside and change.  I pulled on a pair of basketball shorts and a hooded sweatshirt in my room with the lights off.  The darkness felt safer.

I don't remember much of the drive.  I got to my mom's in one piece and I guess that's what mattered.  My mom pulled the front door open before I could even get out of my vehicle.  I quickly texted Liv before I got out, so I didn't forget.  Then I walked towards the door and my mom.  She hugged me tightly and I tolerated it, but I really just wanted to be by myself. 

"Have you eaten?" she asked me as she ushered me inside.

I paused.  "I don't know," I answered honestly.  "I can't remember."

She looked concerned.  "I'll make you something."

"Fine.  Can you just...can you give me some time?  I'll eat something in a little while, okay?"  She leveled a very mom-like stare at me, and I relented a little.  "Please.  I promise I'll eat before I go to bed.  I just need to blow off some steam, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed.  "I'll see what I have."

I went downstairs to the room where Mom still kept my old punching bag and the treadmill. I went straight for the punching bag and quickly wrapped my hands.  I didn't need to injure myself on top of everything else that was going on.  I beat the shit out of the bag until I could barely lift my arms anymore.  I bitterly reflected that the last time I did this was after I had threatened to cut my dad out of my life--to pretend he was dead--if he didn't start treating Liv with respect.  As I thought about how I wouldn't have to pretend now, I began to laugh.  I wasn't really sure why I was laughing, and it stopped as I pushed the thought from my head.

I briefly considered going back upstairs, but I could still hear my mom moving around.  Instead, I pulled off my sweat-soaked shirt, wiped off my face, and started up the treadmill.  I ran until my legs hurt just as badly as my arms, and then a little bit longer just for good measure.

I listened carefully once I stepped shakily off the treadmill.  I didn't hear my mom anymore.  She must have gone to bed, which meant it was safe for me to go upstairs.  There was a note on the counter.  "There's some chicken and rice in the oven, salad in the fridge.  Please eat.  I went to bed, but I'll be ready to go by 7.  I love you.  You can wake me up if you need anything else."  I disregarded the food and went up to "my" room.  I grabbed some clean shorts and a t-shirt and then got in the shower.  I stood under the hot water until it wasn't hot anymore, then dried off, got dressed, and headed back towards the kitchen.

I opened the oven, and the smell of lemon and garlic hit me.  I suddenly realized how hungry I was, and pulled the plate out.  I opened the fridge and pulled out the salad.  While I was shutting the door, a bottle of tonic water caught my eye.  I grabbed it too, then found a lime in the fruit bowl and the gin in the liquor cabinet.  Gin and tonic, the only alcohol besides wine that my mom drinks.  Whatever, it would do.  I made myself a very generously poured drink, then sat at the island to eat.  

I ate quickly, and drank even faster.  I got up halfway through to make myself another drink.  As an afterthought, I added just one more splash of gin at the end.  And another.  I frowned as I took a sip.  "Tastes like a fucking Christmas tree," I muttered before taking another drink.

By the time I had my dishes in the dishwasher and was walking up to my room, I had a decent buzz.  I had hoped it would help me sleep, but all it did was make my thoughts uninhibited.  I fought off the thoughts of my dad that entered my head, but it was useless.  Some were happy memories:  learning how to throw a football as a kid and going to his games.  Some were less than happy: the dinner that Liv and I had with him, and the night he showed up at my house asking for help...the last time I had seen him alive.  Eventually, my brain settled on a loop of the threats I had made to him to protect Liv from his assault of intrusive, disrespectful questions.  Over and over I remembered myself telling him, "I will pretend you're dead, and I won't be sorry."

Not quite aware of what I was doing, I reached for my phone.  I dialed numbers that I still remembered by heart, even though it had been months since I'd last dialed them.  His voicemail picked up right away, and I started to shake when I heard his voice.  When it beeped, I said in a shaky voice barely louder than a whisper, "I should have helped you when you asked.  I didn't think I'd be sorry, but I am.  I am sorry."  I stopped then, wondering what the hell I was doing.  He'd never hear this.  He'd never know I was sorry.  I hung up the phone and laid in the darkness, staring in the direction of the ceiling.  I dialed the numbers one more time, and this time, as I listened to his voice on his voicemail message, tears began to gather behind my closed eyelids.  When it beeped I hung up, curled my body around the phone, and cried for the first time since Heather had died. 

I Need You Here

I'm posting what would have been tomorrow's post today, because tomorrow I have a bonus post from Brody's perspective.  I wanted a little more of the story posted before I posted that one.  I will warn you that Brody's post will contain some pretty tough stuff on death, as you can probably imagine.  It might be material that is sensitive to some readers.  If you choose to skip it, you won't really miss anything from the overall storyline.   

The next couple regular storyline posts are a little heavy too.  Let me know in the comments if you'd prefer to have them both this week, or break them up with a Lauren or Alex post later this week.
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I tossed and turned most of Tuesday night.  I got a text about an hour after I got in bed that Brody had arrived at his mom's house.  On Wednesday, I dragged myself into work about a half hour later than usual, glad that I had that flexibility, because I just couldn't seem to get moving that morning.  A few minutes after I arrived, Josh stuck his head in my office.  "I'm gonna go grab some coffee," he said.  "Do you want anything?"  His face was kind, with no hint of his usual smirk.  Either I looked as distraught as I felt, or he had heard the news from his brother-in-law.  I thanked him but refused.  I had already had a large dirty chai and anymore espresso would wind me up even more. 

I didn't know what time Brody's flight was leaving, so I had no idea when he might make it to Miami.  A perfunctory text mid-afternoon letting me know they had landed in Miami answered that question, but none of the other questions that were taking over my brain.  As much as I wanted to rush in and fix everything, I knew I couldn't, so I waited for him to tell me what he needed.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait too much longer.  He called late that evening.  "So I know I said I didn't want you here, but how would you feel about coming down for the weekend?" he asked.  "I just...I need you here.  This sucks, and my mom and sister are driving me crazy already."

"If you want me there, I'm there," I said.  I pulled out my laptop and we looked at tickets while we talked.  Brody booked me a ticket for Friday.  I'd get in in the late afternoon and leave Sunday afternoon, so I wouldn't be there for long, but I hoped I could at least get Brody's mind off everything for a little while.

Thursday passed in a slow-moving blur.  Friday morning I packed quickly, easily fitting everything into a carry-on, even with my overpacking ways.  I loved flying without checking luggage.  It made everything so much faster and easier.

When I got off the plane in Miami, I pulled out my phone and tried to call Brody.  He didn't answer, so I wandered towards arrivals, thinking I might find him there.  I was about to walk outside into the humid Miami air when I heard someone yell my name.  I turned and saw Jen waving at me.  I hurried over to her.  "Hi," she greeted me, hugging me tightly.  "Brody is stuck in a meeting with dad's attorney, and he left his phone at the hotel.  He asked me to come get you and bring you back to the hotel."

She opened the trunk of her rental car and I tossed my carry-on inside.  "How are you guys doing?" I asked her, once we were on our way out into traffic.

"It's a big pain," she admitted.  "Mom and I are just trying to power through some of his stuff, and Brody is handling a lot of the meetings with the attorney that's executor of the will.  Dad was prepared at least...but a lot of the stuff in the will is being seized for repayment of his debts.  The house is in foreclosure.  It's really just his company, which he left his shares of to Brody, and it sounds like Brody is probably going to sell.  He doesn't want anything to do with it at this point.  We're trying to get him to take some time to decide though.  The company is actually doing quite well and is still lucrative, and he wouldn't need to be present or involved to maintain possession of it.  I'm worried he'll regret selling it."

"How is he?" I asked quietly.

She frowned, and didn't say anything for several seconds.  "He's not good," she said finally.  "I'm not sure if he's slept at all.  He's not talking about anything of substance.  He's really snippy with us and he's obviously feeling the pressure of everything.  Plus, he was the last of us to really have any sort of relationship with Dad, so he's just having an all around tough time of it."  She paused, then glancing at me briefly, said, "I hope he talks to you, because if he doesn't do something soon, he's going to blow up."

When we got to the hotel, Jen showed me to Brody's room and handed me a keycard.  "He should be back in an hour or so, maybe two," she guessed.  "I need to head back to Dad's house and do a little more work for the day.  Mom and I are one floor above, in 319."  She gave me her cell phone number and Thalia's cell phone number and told me to call if I needed anything.  Before she left, she hugged me again and thanked me for coming.

I let myself into the room.  It was a simple suite, with a bedroom, a separate sitting room, and a small kitchen area.  I pulled open the fridge and saw 3 beers of a six-pack and a few bottles of water.  I decided to pick up some stuff to make dinner, since I knew that Brody sometimes forgot to eat when he got stressed and busy.  I left a note in case Brody came back while I was gone, grabbed my purse, and went down to the front desk for directions to the closest grocery store.

Two ridiculously expensive cab rides later, I let myself back into the room with stuff for dinner, another six pack of beer, and a bottle of wine.  Brody still wasn't back, so I jumped in the shower to get rid of the gross feeling that I always got from traveling.  By the time I was out and dressed, it was close to the hour that Jen had estimated, so I went ahead and started cooking in the tiny kitchen of the suite.

Dinner was mostly done when Brody walked in the door of the suite.  I turned off the stove, opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer.  I held it up and Brody nodded as he walked over.  I dug through a drawer for a bottle opener, opened it, and handed it to him.  He took it, then set it down on on the counter and pulled me into a tight hug.  "I'm so glad to see you," he murmured.

When he finally pulled back, I looked up at him.  He had several day's worth of untrimmed facial hair taking over his jawline, and seriously dark circles under his eyes.  "I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up myself," he apologized.  "Was Jen there when you landed?"

"She was, and it's fine," I assured him.  "Are you hungry?"  He shrugged.  I frowned and grabbed plates and silverware out of the cabinets and drawer.  "Eat anyway," I said, putting food on a plate and handing it to him, along with his abandoned beer.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, giving me a tired half smile.

We sat down at the small table and ate quietly.  When we were done I took the plates over to the sink and washed them while Brody finished his beer, then went to take a shower.  When he got out of the shower I was in the bedroom, hanging up a couple shirts.  He surprised me by wrapping his arms around me from behind and kissing the back of my neck.  "You're overdressed," he whispered against my ear, before sucking gently on my earlobe.

I thought that it would be the rough, intense sex we usually had when Brody was stressed, angry, or upset about something, but it was exactly the opposite.  After, he rolled off of me but left his head against my shoulder and one arm draped across my stomach and hip.  I wiggled one arm under him so I could get my hand up to to his head, and I massaged his scalp, hoping to put him to sleep.

It must have been working, because his arm and head grew heavier. He shifted into a more comfortable position, and said, "I love you Liv.  Thank you for coming down."

"I love you too," I replied.  "Try to sleep."  He nodded against my shoulder.

I stayed awake, massaging his scalp until I was positive he had actually fallen asleep.  Then I shifted myself carefully into a position where my arm wouldn't fall asleep, and I was soon sleeping too.

When I woke, it was still dark, and the bed was empty next to me.  I rolled over and squinted at the clock.  It was a little after 2.  I got up and walked out of the bedroom into the main area of the suite.  Brody was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at some awful late night infomercial on TV.

"You should be sleeping," he said softly when he saw me.

"So should you," I pointed out, sitting down next to him.

"I did sleep," he protested.  He motioned to me.  "Lay down."  I raised an eyebrow at him and he quickly said, "Please."  I sighed softly.  I wasn't looking at him like that because he didn't say please.  But I did as he asked, and laid across the couch, laying my head on his leg.  His fingers immediately went to my hair, slipping through it, gently untangling the sleep-snarled strands.  I had a feeling it was just as relaxing for him as it was for me.

I let him play with my hair until all the strands were untangled and his fingers slid freely through.  My eyelids were so heavy at that point I was reasonably certain we'd both be spending the rest of the night on the couch if we didn't go back to bed soon.  "Come back to bed," I implored sleepily. 

"Okay," he agreed, surprising me.  I stood and offered him a hand, pulling him up from the couch.  When we got back into bed, he pressed his chest against my back and wrapped his arm tightly around me.  I was asleep within minutes.

When I woke up again, it was light in the room and Brody's arm was still draped over me.  I didn't dare move, not wanting to wake him up.  I laid there for about 15 more minutes, and then drifted back to sleep.  I woke up again when Brody's arm moved.

I rolled over and smiled at him.  He smiled back sleepily and said, "I actually slept."

"Good, because you looked like you needed it," I replied.

It was a little after 9.  Brody had a text from Jen that she and their mom had been up early and were already at the house.  "I should go help them," he said.  "What do you want to do?"

"What do you want me to do?" I asked.  "If you want me to go with you, I'd be more than happy to tag along and make myself useful.  Otherwise if you think it would be better if it was just you guys, I'll stay here.  Maybe go to the beach or something."

"You don't mind coming?" he asked.  I shook my head.  "Let's get some breakfast and we can head over there, then.  Don't bother showering, the place is a dump."

We made it downstairs just in time to grab some bagels and coffee as the hotel's continental breakfast was wrapping up. We made it to the house by 10, and I quickly got to work doing some cleaning while Brody, Jen, and Thalia sorted through personal affects.  I kept out of their way, feeling a bit like an intruder.

I heard raised voices from the room they were in a couple times, but around lunchtime, I clearly heard Brody yell, "I don't fucking care what you do with every single little thing, Jen!  Just figure it out, for Gods sake!  This is all so fucking ridiculous!"  Then I heard his loud, angry footsteps, and the slam of the front door.  A minute later, Jen appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, where I was currently working.

"Do something with him, please," she pleaded.  "He needs a break.  Get him out of here.  Mom and I can handle this for the rest of the day, but it's going to get really ugly soon if he's storming around snapping at us every time we look at him."  She looked exhausted and stressed, and I hurt for her.  "I love him and I feel for him Liv, but this will be easier without him here today."

"I understand," I said.  "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," she said gratefully.  I finished up what I was doing in the kitchen, giving Brody a few minutes to calm down.  I walked out the front door and found him sitting on the steps, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

I sat down next to him and tentatively touched his back.  He didn't move, and I slid my hand up to his neck and massaged the tight muscles there.  "Do you want to get out of here?" I asked gently.

"I should help," he replied, his voice muffled by his hands.

"Brody, you need a break.  You'll be able to be a lot more helpful tomorrow if you just take the rest of today off.  And your family will like you better tomorrow if you take the rest of today off."

"Jen's pissed, huh?" he asked, looking up at me.

"She's not pissed, she's just tired and frustrated.  She knows you're struggling and she knows you need a break.  I don't think she's going to hold anything against you, but we need to go for today."  I didn't leave room for arguing this time, and I stood and held a hand out to him.  He stared at me for a couple seconds, as if contemplating arguing anyway, but then he took a deep breath and grabbed my hand and stood.

"Should we say bye?" he asked uncertainly.

"No, we should not," I replied.  "They know we're going."  He dutifully trailed me to the car.  I paused when we got there.  "Are you good to drive?  I can, but I have no idea where I'm going."

"I'm fine," he replied, taking out the keys and unlocking the doors.

When we were on the way the back to the hotel, I looked over at him.  "What should we do?" I asked. He shrugged.  "We're not going to sit in the room all day.  You need to blow off some steam.  What will help you relax a little?"

"Stop being such a fucking therapist," he snapped.  I took a deep breath and bit back my response, knowing he was just overwhelmed and grieving.  After several seconds of silence, he shook his head slightly.  "I'm sorry Liv.  That was shitty...I want to go to the beach."

"That sounds good to me," I said. 

When we got back to the room I threw together lunch with last night's leftovers.  Brody looked surprised, not even realizing it was after lunch time, but he sat and ate.  After we cleaned that up, we got ready for the beach.  I was glad I tossed my swim suit in my bag, just in case.

It was warm, in the high 80s, and super sunny and humid, so it was a good day for the beach.  After playing in the surprisingly warm water for a little bit, we both stretched out on the beach and enjoyed the sun as much as we could.

"What do you want to do tonight?"  Brody asked after awhile. 

"Hmmm, I hadn't really thought about it.  Did you have something in mind?"

"I don't know.  I don't want to sit in the room.  We could go out and do something," he replied.

"You could call Jack," I suggested.  "Does he know what's going on?"

Brody considered this for a second.  "He does, and that's actually a great idea."  He pulled out his phone and tapped the screen a few times before putting it to his ear.  "Hey," he said when Jack picked up.  "Yeah, thanks...it's going okay.  Jen kicked me out of the house today because I was being an asshole....I know.  Well, Liv's down here and I was thinking we might go out tonight, you have plans? ...That's perfect.  What time? ....Okay, sounds good, we'll meet you there."  He hung up without saying goodbye.  Why do guys do that?

"Dinner at 7:30 and then out for a couple drinks," Brody filled me in.  "He's apparently seeing some girl, he's bringing her too."

"That sounds like a good plan," I said.  We spent another hour or so on the beach and then headed back to the hotel to get ready for dinner.

While we were in the car, Brody glanced at me and said, "I'm sorry for my comment about being a therapist earlier.  I'm glad you pushed me to get out and do something, I actually feel a little bit better."  I assured him that I understood and that I was glad he felt better.

It was about 4:30 when we got back to the hotel and I decided I was going to take a short nap before we went out.  I tried to talk Brody into joining me, but he said he wanted to try to get some work done.  I didn't push it, and I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
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Don't forget to let me know in the comments in you'd like Wednesday's post to be the regular storyline, or a Lauren/Alex post to break up the heavy a little.  Thanks for reading!

While I was eating my lunch at work on Tuesday, I got a group text from Kinsley to me, Lauren, Cassie, and Kendra.  "I desperately need to interact with people that aren't just trying to deduct their nonexistent home office.  Dinner tonight?"  Cassie never responded, but the rest of us made plans to have dinner after work.  Then I called Brody to see what his plans for the evening were.

"I don't know," he said.  "I would love to get out of here by about 8." 

"Sounds thrilling," I joked.  "Call me when you're done?"  He agreed and I let him get back to work.

I left work excited to see Kinsley.  Tax season was eating her alive and it had been awhile.  It had also been awhile since I'd seen Kendra.   Or anyone but Lauren, Brody, or Alex.  This was definitely needed.  I was bummed Cassie wasn't coming though.  I hadn't seen much of her lately either, was I thought was weird considering she lived right next door.

Kinsley and Kendra were at the restaurant already and I hugged them after the hostess showed me to the table they'd gotten.  Kinsley looked exhausted.  It seemed like work was kicking everyone's asses lately.  Lauren arrived shortly after I did, and we ordered drinks and food.  Or, Kinsley, Lauren, and I ordered drinks.  Kendra ordered water.  Lauren eyed her speculatively. 

"I'm not pregnant, so stop looking at me like that," Kendra said, rolling her eyes. 

"Would you tell us if you were?" Kinsley asked skeptically.

"Of course I would!" Kendra replied.  "I'm not pregnant.  But...we are trying, so I'm a little paranoid."  She blushed as she spoke, and Kinsley squealed.

"I want other people to have babies so badly!" she exclaimed.  I laughed.  "What?  I love babies, but I'm definitely not ready for my own, so the obvious solution is for my friends to have babies that I can play with." 

"Fair enough!" I conceded.

"I'm not babysitting," Lauren declared.

Kendra chuckled.  "I wouldn't even dream of asking you."  Lauren looked a little indignant at that, and when she caught me smirking she kicked me under the table. 

We had a great time catching up.  I was hoping for some interesting updates on the Kinsley and Damien front, but she had been so busy that she barely had to time to see him when they were both awake.

"One more month until April 15th and the end of tax season," she reported.  "It's a Wednesday, but I think we should celebrate anyway."  We agreed that we could definitely at least do dinner and drinks.

We parted ways soon after.  Lauren was heading to the grocery store to pick up a couple things, and I told her I'd see her at home.  I had barely walked in the door when my phone rang.  It was Brody.

"Hey!" I answered cheerfully.  "You're done sooner than you thought you'd be."

"They found my dad."  His voice was flat, quiet.

"Oh...?" I replied, not sure how to respond.

He was silent for a second, then said, "I mean...they found his body.  Liv, he's dead."

"Oh my god," I said, shocked.  "Brody, I'm so sorry."  When he didn't say anything, I asked, "Where are you?  Are you still at work?"

"Yeah."

"Can I come get you?"  I was already pulling my shoes on and looking for my keys, which I'd somehow managed to misplace in the 45 seconds I'd been in the house.  I walked upstairs to grab some clothes.  I wasn't sure if he'd want company, but at least I'd be prepared if he did.

"Sure." 

20 minutes later I was parking my car and jabbing at the elevator button.  A security guard was waiting for me when I got to the 8th floor and let me know.  "Do you know where you're going, Miss Saffiano?" he asked me politely.  I nodded and he held the door open and let me through.

I wound my way through the hallways and pushed open the door to Brody's office.  He was standing in front of his window on the phone, with his back to me. He didn't turn around or look my way when I walked in.

"Only a week?" I heard him saying as I approached.  "So next Tuesday? ...Wednesday, okay.  I'll make it work....Of course I haven't looked at tickets yet, I've only known for a half hour."  His voice was getting more and more frustrated sounding as he talked.  "Yes, fine.  I need to go, I have things to take care of."  Without waiting for an answer, he pulled his phone away from his ear and stabbed at the screen.  He tossed it onto the couch behind him and looked at me.  "Hey," he said softly.

"Brody..." I started.  He gave me a weak smile, and I hugged him hard.  "What can I do?" I asked.

"Sit with me?" he asked.  "I need to call my mom back, and I need to find plane tickets.  We have a week to go through his personal effects before the bank brings someone in to sell off everything else and auction the house.  Apparently it was foreclosed on a month or so ago.  And I need to meet with his attorney.  And the board.  And I need to cancel the trip to San Diego, because I need to take care of this.  And--"

"Brody," I interrupted gently.  "One thing at a time.  Call your mom, book a plane ticket.  Then let me take you home."

"Okay," he replied.  I was surprised.  I was expecting some pushback.  He sat down heavily on the couch and pulled me down next to him.  I laced my fingers with his while he dialed his mom.  He talked to her for several minutes about flights and attorneys and wills.  I was overwhelmed just listening to him.  When he hung up, he looked at me.  "Want to go to Miami?" he asked, laughing bitterly.

"Do you want me to go to Miami?" I responded.

He considered this for a minute, then said, "Don't be upset, but I think I'd actually prefer if you didn't.  We just need to get this done."

"I'm not upset at all," I assured him.  "You should be with your family."

He walked to his desk and sat in front of his computer.  "I need to leave in the morning," he said, looking up at me.

"Okay," I replied.

He looked back at his computer, clicking and typing for a few minutes, then looked out the window.  I could see his resolve crumbling.  "This is a fucking nightmare," he muttered, resting his face in his hands and taking a deep, shaky breath.  I walked over to him and squeezed his shoulder.  He swiveled his chair towards me and I stood between his knees and put my arms around him.  When he pulled away, he said, "I booked flights for my mom and I out of Colorado Springs, so she doesn't have to drive up here.  I think I'll drive down tonight."

"Are you going to be okay to drive?" I asked him, concerned.

He smiled.  "I'm okay," he said.  "I'm sorry.  I'd like to spend tonight with you, but I don't think I'd be very good company anyway."

"Don't apologize," I insisted.  "Just please let me know if there's anything I can do."

"I will," he said.  "It might not seem like it, but I'm glad you came here.  So thank you.  I love you."

"I love you too," I replied, kissing him lightly.  He got his stuff together and I waited while he locked up the office and then we left together.  When we got to our cars, I said, "Please let me know when you get your mom's, and when you get to Miami too, okay?"  He assured me that he would. "And Brody--"

"I know," he interrupted.  "I'll let you know if I need anything.  Thank you, Liv."  His words were short, but he smiled at me.  He pulled me into a tight hug, resting his cheek against the top of my head for several seconds.  "I love you."

"I love you too," I responded, tightening my arms around him briefly before we broke apart.  He kissed me lightly and pulled open the door of my car for me.  I got in, and he leaned in and kissed me again before shutting my door and walking around to the driver's side of his SUV and getting in.

Lauren took one look at me when I walked in and immediately became concerned.  "Liv?  What's wrong?  Where were you?"

I dropped my purse on the end table and plopped down heavily onto the couch.  I kicked my shoes off and gave them a half-hearted nudge towards the entry area.  "Brody's dad is dead," I said softly.

Her eyes widened.  "Oh my god," she replied.  "Where did they find him?  Do they think...?" she trailed off, looking at me carefully.

"I don't know.  I don't really know any details.  Brody is on his way down to Colorado Springs.  He and his mom are flying down to Miami in the morning.  I'm assuming I'll know more after they get some of the stuff sorted out."

"Jesus," Lauren breathed.  "Are you going down there?"

"He said he didn't want me to," I said, shrugging.  "I feel bad, because I want to do something, but I want to respect what his wishes."  She nodded.  "So I guess I'll wait for him to let me know what he needs."

"Well, let me know if there's anything you need," Lauren said. 

"I will, thanks Laur."  I hugged Lauren and headed upstairs for bed.  I felt petty for being so irritated with Lauren just a couple days ago.  Tonight I definitely appreciated being able to come home and not be alone, even if I was going to bed.  It was enough to just know that someone was there.