Not Yet

Brody came over again on Tuesday night.  He confirmed that he was leaving for Miami the next evening.  I felt another stab of anxiety but pushed it away.  Brody had also learned a little more about the situation after his teleconference with the investigators today.  

"Basically, my dad was involved in just about every type of white-collar crime that exists," he explained.  "Fraud, forgery, extortion, embezzlement, bribery.  It makes me sick just thinking about it all, and how it was probably going on right under my nose."

"I wonder if that's why he sent you off to Denver," I mused.

Brody looked surprised.  "I honestly didn't even think about that, but it would make sense," he agreed.  "Hey, will you take me to the airport tomorrow?"  I said yes, but I couldn't keep my face from falling as I thought about him leaving tomorrow.  Brody grabbed my hand pulled me toward him.  "Stop it," he instructed.

"Stop what?" I asked.

"Stop thinking about me leaving."

I smirked at him.  "Make me," I teased, cocking an eyebrow.  He laughed and stood, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder.  He carried me upstairs and set me down on my bed.  His stubble scraped gently across my cheek as he kissed my neck, then my jaw, then my lips.

I started to pull off my shirt but he put his hands over mine.  "Not yet," he said, grinning when I glared at him.  He pushed my hands away and replaced them with his own, sliding over my sides on top of my shirt.  We laid back, and as he kissed me he trailed his fingers all across my fully-clothed body until I was squirming and practically begging him to let me lose the clothes.  He relented and sat up so I could pull my shirt and bra off.  My hands moved to take off my pants but he stopped me again.  "Not yet," he repeated.  I practically growled at him, but it was cut off by his mouth on mine and his fingers against my breasts.

Several agonizing minutes later he was tugging off my pants.  I gasped when his fingers slid against me.  "Not yet," he said again, when I reached for his pants.  My noise of frustration quickly turned to a moan as he pressed his fingers harder against me, and my moan turned to a cry of pleasure as I came.

"I need you inside me right now," I gasped.  "Or I swear I will kill you."

He laughed as he quickly took off his clothes and nudged my legs apart.  I moaned again and pushed my hips up against his as he slid into me.  He spent the next 20 minutes continuing to make me forget about him leaving, and when we were done, I could barely think about anything.  My brain felt like it had melted and I couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

"Come here," Brody murmured after we had both recovered for a couple minutes, pulling me over towards him.  I scooted over and laid my head on his chest.  He wrapped one arm around me tightly while the fingers of his other hand moved across my shoulder blades.  "Feel any better?" he asked.

I nodded against his chest.  "But I still don't want you to go."

He chuckled.  "I don't want to either," he admitted.  "This is going to be really weird.  And I'll miss you."

"I love you," I said, snuggling closer to him.  I could no longer resist the heaviness of my eyelids and I let them close.

"I love you too," he replied, tightening his arm around me.


After work the next day I drove out to Brody's house.  He had only worked part of a day and I was picking him up at home.  He lived in the opposite direction of the airport, but I didn't mind.  That was more time to spend with him before he left, even if it was in the car.

He was ready to go when I got there and the drive to the airport went way too fast.  I felt ridiculous for being so sad about him leaving, when it was only two weeks, but I couldn't help it.  Rationally, I knew that this was different from the last time, but it was still not fun.

I parked in drop-off area and got out of the car as Brody pulled his suitcase out of the back.  I swallowed hard, but as much as I tried to fight it, my lip started to tremble.  "Hey, don't do that," Brody said gently after he had shut the back and pulled his suitcase over to me.  He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug as I sniffled.  "It's okay," he soothed me.  "It'll go fast."  We stood there for a few moments, but then he had to go.  He pulled back and held me at arm's length.  "I'll call you when I get there, okay?  If it's too late, I'll just text to let you know I made it."

"No," I protested.  "Call.  I don't care how late it is."  He nodded and kissed me.  I kissed him back, trying to prolong it as much as I could.  Finally I let him pull away.

He hugged me one more time and kissed me on the forehead.  "I'll talk to you tonight.  I love you, Liv."  I told him I loved him too and quickly got back into my car so I could get out of everyone else's way.  I sighed and told myself to stop being ridiculous as I put my car in gear and drove home.

I was half asleep in bed when my phone buzzed with a text from Brody letting me know they had landed and he'd call when he was at the hotel.  I tried to stay awake to wait for his call but I was sleeping when my phone finally rang.  "Hi," I said sleepily.

"Hey, were you sleeping?  I'm sorry," he replied.

"Don't be, I told you to call.  How was your flight?"

"It was fine.  Long.  The board has me set up in a really nice room at least," Brody said, before yawning.  "Liv, I'd love to talk longer but it's nearly 2:30 here, and I have to be to an 8am meeting."

"Okay, I should get to sleep too.  I love you."

"I love you too, Liv.  Goodnight."  I said goodnight and hung up, falling quickly back to sleep.


On Saturday, Lauren, Kinsley, Cassie, and I went out.  It was nice to catch up with everyone together.  Cassie was still sleeping with both Nick and James (though James more than Nick).  And she was still quite happy with the situation.  More power to her.

"And how's Alex?" Cassie asked Lauren.  Lauren blushed, which made me laugh.  Lauren does not blush.

"Good," Lauren said.  She smiled, then said, "Actually, really good.  I'm glad you guys talked me into going out with him."  I beamed.  I was so happy she was happy.

Kinsley reported that she and Damien had been spending more nights together than apart.  "It's so weird," she said, shaking her head.

"I think you mean 'normal'," Lauren said.  "That's what normal people do.  We're not normal."  This led us to an extended, slightly drunken discussion on normal vs abnormal and relationships.

We ended the night around 1.  I wanted to call Brody but knew it was 3am there.  I sent him a quick text instead, hoping it wouldn't wake him up, and went to bed.



On Monday, I missed a call from Brody while I was at the gym with Kinsley.  After I was home and showered, I called him back, hoping to catch him.  He answered on the second ring.

"I miss you," he said.  "I wish you were here."

"Oh yeah?  And what would you do if I were there?" I asked.  He then spent the next 10 minutes describing in great, scandalous detail all the things he'd do if I wasn't nearly 2000 miles away. 

"You are a horrible tease," I moaned when he was done.

He laughed.  "You asked for it.  And besides, all that could be yours if you come down this weekend."  It took me a minute to process what he said.

"Wait, this weekend?" I asked.  "Seriously?"

"Why not?" he replied.  "This week is your Friday off, right?  You could fly out Thursday night and fly back on Sunday.  Come see me." 

"I would love to," I responded.  "I'd have to reschedule my therapy appointment, but I could look at tickets, at least."  I wasn't sure if I could really spare the money for a weekend trip right now, but I remembered Brody commenting on how cheap the tickets had been when he booked his.

"You don't have to," he replied.  "I already booked you one."

Now it was my turn to laugh.  "Confident, huh?"

"Well, you made my argument pretty easy when you asked what I'd do if you were here.  I booked a 6pm flight on Thursday, and a 5pm flight on Sunday, but we can change the times if you want.  Will you come?"

"I'll come," I said, smiling.

And just like that, I was going on a weekend trip to Miami. 

Conflict of Interest

I had my first therapy appointment on Friday, and the place was a 45 minute drive away.  I briefly considered canceling it, but I told myself I was being ridiculous and went.  Alyssa, the therapist, was young, upbeat, and had a good sense of humor.  I liked her right away.  I was able to tell her about what had happened with Jordan, plus we talked a little bit about what was going on right now with with the Sanders calling me.  We didn't talk about anything in much detail, as it was an initial appointment, but I felt comfortable, and I made an appointment to go back in two weeks.

 On Saturday, I called Nadine while I was at Brody's house.  "Hi, um, Mrs. Sanders?  This is Olivia."  I was so nervous to make this phone call that I was pacing the living room.  I tried sitting down in one of the chairs but stood right back up again.  Brody watched me pace. 

"Olivia!  Please call me Nadine.  Hello, dear," she said, sounding surprised and a little scattered.

"Hi," I said again, dumbly.  I shook my head at myself.  "I had some time to think and I'd like to meet you guys."  I cut right to the chase, not knowing what else to say.  There was silence in the other end for several long seconds.  Did I lose her?  "Mrs.--um, Nadine?  Hello?"

"Yes, yes, I'm here.  Sorry.  I'm just a little surprised, I didn't expect to hear back from you, honestly.  But I'm so happy to."  She sounded like she was near tears, and I was again surprised by her strong desire to find me and meet me.

"I know you live in Utah," I said, trying to redirect the conversation because I was a little uncomfortable with the display of emotion.  "What were you thinking?"

"Well, we try to get to Denver a few times a year.  We haven't been this winter yet, so I think we can perhaps arrange a weekend trip out there.  Our...well, we have some family in the area, so we can work our plans around your schedule and maybe we could meet for coffee or dinner or something.  Whatever you want.  We realize that this is probably a bit overwhelming for you, so we're willing to be flexible with what you want to do."

We talked for several more minutes, choosing a weekend that worked for both of us.  We decided to get coffee on the Sunday morning of that weekend, because I worked on Saturday.  She made no mention of the kids, and I didn't ask about them.  When I hung up, I blew out a shaky breath and sat down heavily on the couch next to Brody.  He squeezed my leg gently and I slid my fingers between his.

"So, three weeks, huh?" he asked.

I nodded.  "I didn't expect it to be so soon," I admitted.  "I'm not sure how I feel about that."

Brody looked like he was about to reply, but his phone rang.  He rolled his eyes and pulled it out of his pocket.  "Just a sec," he told me.  He answered it and spoke for a couple minutes.  "Sorry," he said after hanging up.

"It's okay," I replied.  "How is work, anyway?  It seems like you haven't been getting as many calls."

"It's been good since Pete and Neil started taking calls too," he said, putting his arm around me.  "Cassie has the next round of interviews set up, so hopefully we'll find a couple people and I can cut down my hours a little in general soon."  I liked the sound of that.

The rest of the weekend was low key.  We decided to stay in Saturday night, but we went out to brunch with Lauren, Alex, Kinsley, Christian, and Kendra on Sunday.  After brunch, Brody, Christian, and Alex went off to do guy things, and Lauren, Kinsley, Kendra and I went shopping.  I didn't find anything I felt like buying, but Lauren and Kendra both found a ton.  It was nice to hang out with them, in any case.

On Monday I was finishing up the contact note for my last client before lunch  when my desk phone rang.  I hardly ever used it, and I was surprised when Brody was on the other end.  "I tried your cell but it went straight to voicemail," he said.  I told him it must have died, and he practically interrupted me.  "Can we get lunch?"

I pulled up my schedule to double check, but I had two hours scheduled for lunch today because I was hoping to get ahead of some of my paperwork.  "Yeah, you have good timing, I'm just finishing up and I have a couple hours.  Is everything okay?"  He sounded weird.

"No, not really.  I'll tell you about it at lunch."  We made plans to meet in 20 minutes.  I finished my note and grabbed my stuff and left.

Brody was already there when I got there, pacing outside the door.  "Hi," I greeted him.  He gave me a perfunctory kiss on the cheek but he was obviously distracted.

Once we were settled with our food (and he had yet to say a word besides "hi") I looked at him and said, "Brody, what's going on?"

He rubbed his jaw and took a deep breath before talking.  "My dad is in a lot of trouble," he started.  I thought of the night he showed up at Brody's house and immediately grew nervous.  "I got a call today, from the police, or the FBI, or someone...I don't even know.  He's gone.  They think he left the country."

I stared at him.  "But...why?" I asked, confused.

"I don't know.  They wouldn't tell me what they were investigating, just that they were investigating him for some suspicious financial activity."  I continued to stare at him.  I had no idea what to say.  "Liv, if I hadn't left the company when I did..." he trailed off, but I knew exactly where he was going with it.

"Wow," I said, finally.  "So now what?"

He shrugged.  "The investigators know he was out here, so they want to talk to me a little more.  I've got a phone conference scheduled with them tomorrow.  I don't think there's anything else I can do, though." 

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked.  I tilted my head, trying to make eye contact with him.  He had been staring over my shoulder, but brought his eyes back to mine. 

"Can I stay at your house tonight?" he asked. 

"Of course," I replied.  "Is that it?"  He nodded.  We finished our lunch quietly.

"Are you going back to work?" I asked with concern as we walked out.

"I don't have a choice," he replied.  "I probably shouldn't have left for lunch, but I needed a break."  I nodded.  "I'll see you tonight," he said, when we got to my car.  He hugged me tightly and kissed me before pulling open my car door for me.  He leaned in and kissed me again, then shut the door carefully.

I focused hard on my clients for the rest of the day and managed to distract myself from thinking about Brody's dad.  When I got home, I started making dinner.  Brody walked in at about 7:30, right as I was finishing up.

"Excellent timing," I said with a grin.  He smiled weakly back.  I grabbed a beer out of my fridge and handed it to him as he walked into the kitchen, yanking off his tie.  He took it from me and caught me around the waist.

"Thank you," he murmured as he pulled me against his side.  I slid my arms around his waist and rested my head against his shoulder.  We stood like that for well over a minute, before I pulled away to turn off the stove.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.  He shrugged.  I handed him a plate, knowing he'd eat anyway.  He put food on it and sat down, pushing things around his plate.

I sat too, and was just taking my first bite when he suddenly said, "I got another phone call this afternoon."  I chewed and looked at him expectantly.  "It was the chairman of the board of my dad's company.  They want to hire me as a temporary consultant to help them straighten out this mess."  I froze, staring at him.

"So, does that mean...?" I couldn't finish my sentence.

He nodded.  "If I do it, they want me down there for a couple weeks.  They want me to fly down on Wednesday."

"Wednesday?" I squeaked.  I took a breath and cleared my throat.  "It's Monday.  And isn't it some sort of conflict of interest?"  I didn't like the idea of him going to Miami at all.  For one, it brought up bad memories of the last time he went...but much more importantly, I was worried about him getting involved in something he didn't need to be involved in, and adding to the stress and high emotion of the situation.

I could barely listen as he explained how it would work and why, as long as the investigators cleared it, it wouldn't be a problem.  "Liv," he said gently, when he was finished explaining.  "It won't be like last time."  I didn't say anything, not sure how to explain what I was really worried about.  "If you really don't want me to go, I won't."

I blinked at him in surprise.  "Really?" I asked, not sure if I had heard him right.

"Really," he said firmly.  "And if I do go, it will be totally different.  We're in a different place in our relationship, and I'd only be going for two weeks, three at the most.  And I don't work for the company anymore so they can't make me stay.  But if you're uncomfortable with it, I'll tell them no."

"No," I said quickly.  "I don't want you to do that.  I mean, I really, really appreciate that you'd say no for me.  But I'm okay with it.  Well, 'okay' probably isn't the right word, because I don't love it, but I'll live.  I'm really glad that you gave me the chance to weigh in though."  I stopped, abruptly cutting off my own rambling.  Brody laughed.  "Actually though, that's not really what I'm worried about."  Brody looked at me curiously.  "I'm worried about you.  This is a lot to take on."

"I'll be okay," he assured me.

"That's what I'm worried about," I replied.  "You'll say that, but will you really be?"

"You could come with me," he suggested.  We both knew that I couldn't, though.  

"I'd love to, if I wasn't still brand new at my job," I responded with a frown.

Brody helped me clean up after dinner and we went straight to bed.  He was completely worn out from a long day and the news about his dad, and I was feeling completely unmotivated to do anything but sleep.  It took me over an hour to to fight back the bad feeling I had long enough to fall asleep.

Too Much Information

On Thursday morning, James called.  I called him back over my lunch break.

"Hey Liv, I'm finished with your stuff," he greeted me.

"Already?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I told you it wouldn't take long.  When do you want it?  We can meet at the office if you want to.  Jordan is out of town, so he won't be around.  I have time later this afternoon, otherwise I'm pretty open tomorrow.  Or we can figure something else out."

I thought for a second.  I didn't really want to wait until tomorrow, now that I knew he was finished.  "What time this afternoon?" I asked.  "I should be out of here by 5, and I could come right over.  I don't want to keep you too late though.  I'm off all day tomorrow, so I could do anytime then."

"Around 5 would be perfect, actually," he replied.  He gave me the address and directions to his office before we hung up.

I called Brody.  "James is done already," I told him.  "I'm going to meet him after work."

"That was fast," he commented.  "Do you want me to go with you?"

I was surprised.  "You want to go with me to see James?" I asked.

"No, I don't want to go with you to see James," he replied.  "I want to support you though, and if you want me to go with you, I can pretend that I don't want to smash his face in for a little while."

 I laughed.  "Well, I appreciate the offer.  I think I'll be okay though.  You're still coming over tonight?"  He confirmed that he was.  "That's good enough for me.  I'll tell you about it then."

"Liv, I mean it.  If you change your mind, let me know.  I'll go.  And I'll be nice.  I appreciate that he's doing this for you."

"Thank you.  It means a lot that you'd go.  I really am okay to go on my own though, I promise," I assured him.  We both had to get back to work, so we hung up soon after.  After I hung up, I was completely distracted, wondering if James found anything interesting.  I powered through the rest of the day and left right after my last client.

I made it James's office by 5:15.  Their receptionist was gone for the day, but James came out shortly after I walked into the office.  He hugged me before leading me to his office.  I sat down and looked at him anxiously.  He smiled reassuringly and slid a folder over to me.  "Paper copies of the stuff I'm going to show you," he said, tapping on the screen of an iPad.

"So," he started.  "Nadine and Jonathan Sanders are indeed Alan Sanders's parents, and your paternal grandparents--biologically, anyway.  As far as I can tell at least."  I nodded.  "They live in Utah, like they told you, in a town called Price.  It's a pretty small town, and it's about a 6 hour drive from here.  Alan Sanders was their only son, and he was born when Nadine was 20 and Jonathan was 23.  They were married about 4 months before he was born."

I held up a hand to stop him.  "So they're, what...?  66 and 69 now?" I asked.

James nodded.  "Nadine is 65 actually, but she'll turn 66 soon.  They actually seem pretty active.  There was lots of stuff on their volunteer work and community activities."  He looked at me to see if I had any other questions and I shook my head.  "Okay.  Nadine was a teacher's assistant and a substitute teacher for most of her working life.  Jonathan did a lot of factory work, but he went to dental school when he was 40 years old and spent 15 years as a dentist after that.  They're both retired now."

He paused and looked at me carefully.  "Liv, this part might be a little surprising, so just let me know if you have questions or need a second to turn it over in your head, okay?"  I nodded, anxious and curious.  "Alan had a 14 year old daughter and a 9 year old son.  Nadine and Jonathan currently have custody of both of them."

I let the information sink in for a second, then asked, "So, they're my...half-siblings?"

James nodded.  "I'm guessing you've probably realized that there's a possibility you had half-siblings around, since you never knew your--um, Alan, but it's always a little weird to have it be confirmed," he said sympathetically.  I didn't say anything.  I was surprised, even though James was right--I had certainly considered that Alan might have other children.  But it was easy to forget about it when you had no way to know for sure.  Now I knew for sure.  I hadn't thought that I might get information like this when I asked James to look into Nadine and Jonathan.

"If you want, I can step out if you need a couple minutes," James offered.  He started to stand.

"No," I said quickly.  "I'm okay."  He raised his eyebrows like he wasn't sure if he believed me, but nodded and gave me a little more general information about Nadine and Jonathan.

Finally, he said, "I don't have much more right now.  If you want me to, I can look further into anything I've told you today.  Like if you wanted more information about the kids, or Alan."

"I think this is okay for now," I said slowly.  I looked up at him.  "Thank you, James.  I really appreciate this.  I might have a couple more questions after I wrap my head around it all, but I'm good for now."

"Just say the word, and I'll see what else I can find for you," he replied.  We both stood and he put his arm around my shoulders as he walked me to the door.  "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, when we got to the door.

"I am.  I just feel sort of weird right now.  I might be less okay once it all sinks in, but I think I'm fine," I replied honestly.

James nodded.  "That's pretty normal.  Will you let me know what you decide you're going to do?"  I agreed to do that, and he wished me luck and hugged me.  I thanked him again and walked out to my car.  

When I got to my car, I tried to call Brody, but he didn't answer. I debated just going right home, but the bar they were at for happy hour was on the way, so I decided to stop. When I got inside, I was surprised to see that Brody was already there.  He was sitting with Lauren, Kinsley, and Alex.  Small group tonight, which was good.  Brody got up and hugged me when I made it to the table.  "Was it okay?" he asked quietly.  I nodded.  He pulled back and examined my face before sitting down again.  I sat next to him.  All four of them were looking at me expectantly, so someone must have filled Alex in.

"They seem legit.  And like nice people," I said, with a shrug. 

"And?" Lauren asked.  "Is that it?"

"And...I have a half brother and sister," I replied.  "They're living with my--with them."

"Wow," Brody and Kinsley said at the same time. 

Lauren shrugged.  "You always figured that was likely though, right?" she asked.

"It's not the same to think of the possibility and actually have it confirmed, Laur," Kinsley admonished.

"I did think it was likely, but yeah.  It's weird.  Especially now that they contacted me, you know?" I replied.

"So what are you going to do?" Alex asked curiously.

"I have no idea," I admitted.  "I thought this would help me decide, but I don't know that it did. I think I got just a little too much information and now I'm overwhelmed again."

Brody took my hand and said, "Once it all sinks in a little more, you might have a better idea."  I nodded.  They let me change the subject and I stayed for about 20 more minutes before I needed to get out of there.

"I'm going to take off.  If you want to stay longer, that's okay," I said to Brody.

He shook his head. "No, I'll come too."  We said goodbye and headed out.  When we were back at my house, Brody hugged me again.  "How are you really?" he asked.  "That must have been a bit of a shock."

"I honestly have no idea.  I don't feel nearly as surprised or upset as I think I should feel, if that makes any sense.  I mean, it was surprising enough that she called me out of the blue, what's a couple of half siblings on top of it?"  I laughed.  "I am a little curious how she found me, though."

"Maybe you're not the only one with a private investigator for a friend," Brody said with a shrug.

"Yeah, maybe not," I agreed.  Even though I felt okay overall, I was worn out, and we went to bed early.  I was glad that the next day was one of my Fridays off.

I got up when Brody left the next morning, and went to the gym and did some stuff around the house.  After lunch, I called my mom.

"Hi, honey, how are you?" she answered.

"I'm okay, Mom," I replied.   Then I filled her in on what James had found out.

"Wow," she said, when I had finished.  "Well, I can't say I'm surprised, and while I'm sure you're not surprised either, I bet it was a bit of a shock to hear.  How are you holding up?"

"I think I'm okay," I said slowly.  "I don't really know.  I'm really confused how they found me.  And having half-siblings kind of freaks me out, but I'm not really sure why."  My mom was sympathetic, and asked a few more questions, but she refused to give me advice about whether or not to meet them.  When I hung up with her, I called James. 

"How are you doing, Liv?" he asked, after we had exchanged greetings.

"I wish everyone would stop asking me that," I answered honestly.  "I have a question though, do you have a couple minutes?"

"Go for it," he replied.

"This might sound really dumb, but how do you think she found me?  She said she'd been looking for me for a few years."

"Hmmm," James mused.  "Well, it's not very likely she found you with a lucky Google search if she'd been looking for a few years without finding anything, but let me look up a few things.  Can I put you on speaker?  There's only two other people here and I'm in my office with the door closed."  I told him it was fine, and a second later I heard computer keys tapping.  "Nope, neither your address or phone number are listed here..." he started.  More keys tapping.  "You run a 22 minute 5k?" he asked with surprise.

I laughed.  "Hooray for Google," I replied.  "No, not really.  I mean, I used to, but I don't run much anymore."

A few more keys tapping.  Then, "What are your Facebook privacy settings like?"

"I have it locked down as tightly as their shady privacy settings allow," I replied.

After a second he said, "Yeah, I can't even find your page here.  Okay...what's your mom's first and maiden name?"  I told him.  "Did you ever legally have Alan's last name?"

"No, it was Bern until Chris adopted me, and it's been Saffiano since."

Another pause and more keys.  "I obviously see information about you here, but nothing that would lead me to even know you live in Denver, much less your phone number.  If I can't do it with a Google search, a 65 year old woman certainly can't," he said confidently.  "I'm guessing they used their own investigator."

"Wow," I replied.

"What?" James asked curiously.

I paused for a minute, trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words.  "I guess I'm just surprised that finding me was important enough for them to pay someone to search for me for a couple of years.  It feels really weird and kind of high pressure, but also...touching, kind of.  I don't know how much sense that makes."

"I think it makes perfect sense," he assured me.  "Look, if you want, I can probably find out if they're using someone.  I'm confident that they are, but if it matters to you, I can try to confirm it."

"No, that's okay.  I trust your educated guess."  I paused.  "I know I thanked you yesterday, but I really can't even tell you how helpful this has been.  And I appreciate that you've just answered my questions and did what I asked for without asking me any questions about why any of it matters.  So thank you."

"Liv, I meant it when I said I'd do anything else I could to help.  I'm glad I could find you what you needed.  Have you decided what you're going to do?"

For the first time since Nadine called, I felt confident in what my plan was.  "Yeah.  I'm going to meet them."

Good Deed

On Monday, I had dinner with Lauren and Kinsley.  I filled them in on the phone call I had gotten, and they were both shocked.  Kinsley was especially confused, since she didn't know about my parents, so I had to back up and explain that first.

When I was done explaining, Lauren asked if I was going to meet them.  "I have no idea," I replied, shaking my head.  "I'm definitely curious, but what if they're crazy people and they just want to turn me into a skin suit or something?"

Kinsley laughed and Lauren rolled her eyes.  "You're way too small to make a good skin suit.  A lampshade is far more likely."  I groaned. 

"I'd be a little nervous too," Kinsley reassured me.  "I mean, you don't really know anything about them.  And it's sort of weird that they just found you."

"Hey, why don't you have James check them out?" Lauren suggested, her face lighting up. 

"Oh, good idea!" Kinsley agreed.  I considered this for a minute and realized it was a decent idea.  We talked a little longer about it, then conversation turned to other topics.

Brody called while I was getting ready for bed later that night.  We talked about our days a little, then he asked me, "So, make any headway on deciding if you're going to meet them or not?"  I told him about my conversation with Lauren and Kinsley, and that I was thinking about asking James for some help.  I was curious what Brody would think of the idea, since he wasn't James's biggest fan.  "That's not a half bad idea," he admitted.  "I think you should do it, if you think having some more information will help you decide."

"I don't think it can hurt," I replied.  We talked awhile longer, making plans to have dinner the next day before saying goodnight.  I planned to call James the next day.

I called James on my lunch break, hoping he'd answer.  He did, on the second ring.

"Hey Liv," James said with his normal easy confidence.  I returned his greeting.  "What's up?" he asked curiously.

"I want to hire you," I replied.

"You want to hire me?" he repeated.  "For what?"

I told him about what I wanted.  It ended up being a long explanation because he didn't know about my family situation, and when I finally finished, he was quiet for several seconds.  Finally, he said, "Wow.  Okay, so how much information do you want?"

"Just the basics, I think.  I mean, I literally know next to nothing about them.  I don't even know Nadine's husband's name.  My main concern is that I want to know if they're actually who they're saying they are, and then just a little background info so I can decide if I want to meet them or not."

"So basically you know what to know who they are, where they live, what they do, if they're murderers, that kind of stuff?" he asked.  I confirmed with a laugh.  "Yeah, I can do that.  But I'm not going to let you pay me for that.  I can knock it out in an hour, provided I don't stumble upon anything too outrageous."

"So?  This is your job, you should be compensated for it," I protested.

He laughed.  "Not a chance, Liv.  Let me do this for you.  If it helps, we can call it my good deed for the year."  We argued back and forth for a little longer, with him finally talking me into just letting him do it.

"So what do you need from me?" I asked, when it was clear that I was going to lose the battle.

"Anything you have.  Sanders is a really common last name, so any identifying information that can help me narrow the information down right away will help.  Date or place of birth, address, stuff like that."

I frowned and thought for a second.  "I don't know anything but her name and their home phone number," I admitted.  "Oh, wait!  What about information on their son?  Would that help?  My mom might know some of that stuff."

"That should work," he replied.  "Send it to me in an email.  I'll take a look tomorrow or the day after and let you know when I've got some stuff for you, okay?"  I agreed and we said goodbye.  I called my mom as soon as we hung up and told her what I needed.  15 minutes later I had an email with Alan Sanders's date of birth, place of birth, and some criminal history stuff.  I forwarded it to James and got back to work.

After work I met Brody for dinner.  He kissed me lightly and asked if I had called James.  I told him about our conversation, but then I changed the subject.  I'd had about enough of it now.

We had a really nice dinner together.  Brody's phone didn't ring at all.  I felt like I had forgotten what it was like to have dinner with him without his phone interrupting at least once.  I was getting used to it, and it didn't bother me nearly as much as it used to, but I still loved having a meal with him without it ringing.

When we got to my house, we sprawled across the couch, finishing an open bottle of wine from the weekend.  "I was thinking," Brody said suddenly. I sat up and raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.  "Feel free to say no, but I was wondering if it would be okay if I left some clothes here.  Not like, moving in or anything, but a couple shirts, a jacket, pants.  That way if we ever decide spur of the moment to do something after work, or if I'm stuck at work late, or if I just want to stay, I don't have to worry about not having clothes for work."  He slid his eyes sideways to look at me, and he looked a little nervous.

I grinned.  "I love that idea," I said.

"You do?" he asked, looking a little surprised and a lot relieved.

"Yes!" I exclaimed.  "It sucks when I really want you to stay but you don't have clothes.  And if it means I get to spend more time with you, even if it's sleeping, I'm definitely in favor of it."

 

My what?

We made it to 300,000 today!  You guys are awesome.  If you missed Alex's post on the date, I put that one up yesterday.  I'll put up a post every evening from today (or yesterday, I guess!) until Thursday night this week to celebrate 300k views.  Thank you all so much for reading, you rock!
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After having another (well-timed) nightmare on Thursday night, I decided to make some phone calls on Friday to the potential therapists I had pinpointed.  One wasn't taking new clients, one was a little rude on the phone, and the third one I called didn't answer.   I left a message and went to the gym.

When I was on my way home, my phone rang.  I answered without really looking, and was surprised that it was the therapist that I had left a message for.  We talked for a few minutes, and since I got a good vibe from her, I made an appointment.

I cleaned and did laundry the rest of the day, enjoying my Friday off.  This wasn't my normal Friday off, but I had used one of my abundant PTO days at the urging of my boss, who informed me that they accrue so fast that if you don't use one for the hell of it every once in awhile, you end up with more than you know what to do with.  A truly awful problem to have, obviously. 

Lauren came over when she got done with work.  Since I had to work the next day, we ordered dinner and lounged in my living room with a bottle of wine.  I heard more about having sex with Alex than I ever needed to know, but I kept my mouth shut because I loved that Lauren was actually dating someone and happy about it.  I couldn't resist teasing her a little, though.

On Saturday, my work day went fast and I decided to stop at the gym on my way home.  I did a quick workout and then went home.  I had just gotten out of the shower when my doorbell rang.  I quickly pulled on a pair of pants and a sweatshirt and was halfway down the stairs when it rang again.  I opened the door and was surprised to see Brody standing there.  We had plans to go out later, but he was going to be at work for most of the day today so I wasn't planning on seeing him for a few more hours. 

"Hi," I greeted him.  "Sorry, I had just gotten out of the shower.  I thought you'd still be at work."

He kissed me on the cheek and said, "I had planned on still being at work, but I just couldn't stay there any longer."  I ran upstairs to finish getting dressed, then came back down.  I told Brody about making a therapy appointment, and he seemed happy that I had done it.  I wanted to ask him if had heard any more from his dad, but he'd made it pretty clear over the past couple days that he'd prefer to just forget about the entire incident, so I bit my tongue.  I had just walked into the kitchen to get something to drink when my phone rang.

I looked at it, but didn't recognize the number on the screen.  "Hello?" I answered, holding up a finger to Brody.

"Hi, is this Olivia Saffiano?" came the voice from the other end, which sounded as though it belonged to an older women.

"Yes it is, who is this?" I asked in confusion.

"Olivia, my name is Nadine Sanders.  I'm, well...I'm your grandmother."

I wasn't sure if I had heard correctly.  My maternal grandmother was dead, and Chris's mother's name certainly wasn't Nadine Sanders.  That only left... "My what?" I asked, not willing to acknowledge that this might be my biological dad's mother.  I made my way over to the couch and sat down hard next to Brody.  I must have looked as weirded out as I felt, because he looked concerned and seriously confused.  I pulled the phone away from my ear, stabbing at the speaker button so he could hear.

"...our son, Alan, was your father, though I guess you probably don't know him as your father," she was saying, when her clear voice came through the speaker.  Brody's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry," I said, interrupting her.  "Did you say 'was' my father?'  What do you mean 'was'?"

She paused, then cleared her throat.  "He died a couple years ago."

"Oh," I said, unable to form a more complete thought.  Brody was staring at the phone in amazement.

After an awkward silence, Nadine continued.  "We've been trying to track you down for several years, dear.  Imagine our surprise when we finally found you, and discovered that you're in Colorado!  Your grandfath--um, my husband and I live in Utah, and if you're interested, we'd really love to meet you."

I didn't respond.  My brain was reeling.  Finally, I stuttered, "Wow, I'm not really sure what to say.  Would it be okay, I mean, can I... I think I need a few days to wrap my head around this." 

"Of course, dear," she said kindly.  She asked if her number came up when she called, and I read the numbers on my screen back to her.  "That's our home number.  I'm afraid we're not much good with cell phones and that email nonsense, but you can leave us a message if we're not home.  We'd really love to meet you."

I hung up and sat staring at the silent phone for several seconds.  Then I looked up at Brody.  He was watching me carefully, his face concerned.  "Are you okay?" he asked gently.

"I don't know," I replied.  "That was really, really weird."

"It was," he said, sliding his fingers between mine and squeezing my hand.  "I'm sorry about your father."

I shrugged.  "He was never my father," I responded simply.  I settled back against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me tightly.  He didn't ask questions, and I was glad.  He held me silently while I struggled with my racing thoughts.  "I need to call my mom," I said finally, sitting up.

"Do you want me to go?" Brody asked.

I shook my head.  "No, I'd really prefer if you stayed, if you don't mind."

"Of course I'll stay," he said.  I reached for my phone, and held it for several seconds before calling home.

My dad answered.  "Is mom there?" I asked, skipping a greeting.

"She is, is everything okay Olivia?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"Fine, please, can I just talk to mom?" He called her to the phone, and when she answered, I said, "Mom, a lady named Nadine Sanders just called me."  My mom's sharp intake of breath on the other end told me she knew exactly who Nadine Sanders was.

"Oh honey," my mom said, "I'm sorry, that must have been quite a shock.  Wow.  I assume she told you who she is?"

"Yeah," I replied shortly.  "She did.  She--they want to meet me.  They live in Utah."  Then, as an afterthought, I added.  "Alan's dead."  Brody cringed at my bluntness.

My mom didn't say anything for a second, and I heard dad's voice in the background asking what was going on.  "Wow," she repeated.

"I'm sorry, that was not the way I planned on delivering that news," I said contritely.  "I'm just sort of in shock."

"I know honey, don't apologize.  I didn't think they'd ever contact you, or I would have warned you. I'm the one that should be sorry."

"Mom, you offered me the information and I turned it down, so...ugh, let's not argue about who should or shouldn't be sorry.  I just...I don't know what to do," I admitted.  "Did you know them?  His parents, I mean." I couldn't bring myself to call them my grandparents.

"I did, a little bit.  I met them once.  They seemed like perfectly lovely people.  A little young, but very nice and put together.  I always wondered how they managed to produce someone like Alan."  It was weird to finally, after 27 years, know my biological father's name--a factoid that I had spent almost as many years avoiding.

"Mom?" I asked tentatively.  "I think I might want to meet them.  Is that...will that upset you?"

"Liv, honey, I would have driven you to the prison to meet Alan if you had decided that's what you wanted.  This is a decision that is completely up to you, and I will support you completely, no matter what you decide to do.  I just want it to be your decision, and not a decision you've made because of what they want or what I want."  Relief washed over me.

"Thank you, mom.  I'm curious, more than anything.  I want to take a few days to think about it after the shock wears off, though."

"That sounds like a good idea," she replied.  "I'd be happy to try to answer any questions that you have."

"I think I'm okay for now," I said.  We said goodbye and I hung up.  I looked at Brody.  "Can we do something?" I asked.  "Like walk?  Or anything, really."  I jiggled my leg up and down, restless and overwhelmed.

Brody stood and stretched.  "Walking sounds good," he said, reaching for his shoes.  I didn't move from where I was sitting on the couch, shaking my leg and staring at the wall.  Brody put his shoes on and walked back to me.  "Hey," he said gently, reaching for my hands.  I let him pull me to my feet.  I stared at his chest, unable to slow the thoughts flying through my mind.  He tipped my chin up so our eyes met.  "You don't have to decide anything now.  And whatever you decide, your mom supports you, and I'll support you.  All you have to do is tell me what you need from me."

I nodded and leaned into him as he hugged me.  "For now, I need you to distract me, and I need to burn off some of this energy."

"Well, then you have two options," he said, grinning.  "One involves getting naked, and the other involves you putting your shoes on and me telling bad jokes while we walk."

I laughed.  "As much as I love getting naked with you, since I can't stop thinking about some lady who claims to be my grandmother, I think I'll go grab my shoes."

I turned and went upstairs to get my shoes, and he called up after me, "Knock knock!"

"Oh lord," I muttered under my breath, before calling back down, "Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow!" he yelled.

"Brody, everyone's heard this--"

"MOO!"  I couldn't help laughing as he completed the joke, despite my lack of participation.  "That's just a preview!" he called, when he finished laughing at himself.  I slipped my shoes on and tied them upstairs, giving myself a minute alone to take a few deep breaths.  Brody grinned at me when I came back downstairs.

"Are you seriously going to tell me all the bad jokes you know?" I asked.

"Yup," he replied, as we started out the door.  "Hey, do you know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?"

I rolled my eyes.  "No, I have no idea."

"Beer nuts are $1.59, and deer nuts are under a buck!" he chortled.  He waggled his eyebrows at me, and I laughed in spite of myself.

"This is going to be a long walk," I said, shaking my head.

(Now) Alex: The Date

Sorry again for the delay on this.  Thank you all so much for understanding and for all your kind thoughts and words!  I know I keep saying this, but I really do think I have the best readers.

Speaking of readers, sometime between today and Monday this blog is going to hit 300,000 views.  This is just insane to me.  So of course, we're going to celebrate, which means a post every day this week!  Thank you all so much for reading.
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I spent an awful lot of time trying to think up a fancy, elaborate date before my senses came back to me and I realized that Lauren would hate a fancy, elaborate date.  Once that happened, I breathed a sigh of relief and made a reservation at a casual restaurant with great food and a good selection of wine and craft beer.  It was right around the corner from one of Lauren's favorite wine bars, so we could go there after if she wanted to.

I wanted to talk someone about it, because it was all weird and I was stupidly nervous.  Normally my go-to in this situation would be Brody, but if I didn't want any of it getting back to Lauren, I probably shouldn't talk to her best friend's boyfriend.  There was always Christian, but while Lauren and Kendra weren't as close as they used to be, there was still a chance.  I decided I could use some more objective advice anyway, and on Sunday I sent a text message to Kevin, asking if he wanted to come over and watch some football with me.

It was kind of a long shot, because Kevin and I haven't really hung out without Brody before, so I was surprised when he agreed. He came over about an hour later and we got settled on my couch with beer.  "So, what's going on?" Kevin asked curiously.

I gave him a weird look.  "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well since you've never invited me over to watch football before, or do anything really, I assume you need something."

Perceptive fucker.  "No..." I started, but when he made a skeptical face, I changed my mind.  "Well, I'm going out with Lauren on Tuesday."

"Lauren?" he replied.  He looked confused at first, but after thinking for a second, he nodded.  "I like it.  She's hot."  Well, she's a lot more than that, but I nodded my agreement.  "So what's the problem?"

I gave him a rundown on the situation.  Our background, the strange turn things took at the wedding, and how things have been since.  "So, even though this is definitely what I want, I'm worried about it going wrong and really fucking things up," I admitted, finally.

"I think you guys have enough of a history, and have enough respect for each other, that if things start to go downhill, you'll get out before you destroy your friendship.  Or you'll know right away that it's not going to work and you'll back off.  You've got to try though, man.  I mean, if she doesn't date, and she wants to date you, that seems like it means something."

"It does," I agreed miserably.  "That's what makes me nervous."  Kevin had a point though, and it actually did make me feel a little better.  We watched the games and drank beer for the rest of the day, and it was actually pretty cool hanging out with Kevin.  I might even do it again sometime.

Monday at work was busy, and I was thankful for the distraction from thinking about going out with Lauren.  Tuesday wasn't as busy, and I was off my game to the point that a coworker actually called me out.  I was fully aware of the fact that I was being stupid about it, but there was nothing I could do.  Luckily, after being called out, I was able to focus a bit better and finished out the day okay.

When I got home, I took a quick shower and pulled some clothes out of my closet.  Or, really, out of the laundry basket sitting on the floor in front of my closet.  They were clean, I just hate putting clothes away.  Most of them ended up on the floor as I rifled through before I shook my head at myself and just picked something. 

I saw Liv's car disappearing out of other entrance of the parking lot at Lauren's apartment complex as I pulled in.  I wondered if Lauren was just as nervous as I was, and for some reason that made me feel a lot better.  I made sure my phone was on silent (most people don't do that anymore, but I think it's a dick move for your phone to ring while you're on a date), took a deep breath, and got out of my car.

I pressed the button for Lauren's apartment and the door buzzed immediately.  When I got up to her apartment, her door opened before I could even knock.  "Hi," she said, smiling almost shyly.

"Hi," I replied.  We both just stood there for a second.  She looked...different.  Amazing, but different.  After a second, I realized she had more makeup on than usual.  It wasn't super obvious, but when you've spent as many hours looking at Lauren's face as I have, you notice things.  "You look nice," I said, and she cocked one eyebrow at me.  "I mean, beautiful.  You do."  Are you kidding me?  Don't leave me now brain, I need you.

Lauren chuckled and rolled her eyes.  "You look beautiful too, idiot.  Let's go."  Her sassy comment actually made me calm down a little more, but I still felt weird.  Was I supposed to hug her?  Kiss her?  She took that option away from me by turning and walking down the hall.  Well, alright.

She paused several steps away from me and turned back.  "Are you coming, or am I going on a date by myself?"

"Wouldn't be much of a date by yourself, would it?" I replied, and she grinned.  She waited for me to catch up and slid her hand into mine.  That simple act managed to simultaneously make things feel like a real date, and really weird.  But I liked it.

When we got out to my car, I pulled her door open for her.  She cocked her head at me and raised her eyebrows.  "Now this I could get used to," she said.  And then I waited for her to get settled before I shut the door.  And I waited.  Why do girls take so long to get into the car?  Get in, sit down, put your damned seatbelt on, done.  Girls get in, sit down, smooth their skirts, fix their shoes, fix their hair, then put their seatbelts on.

"Are you about done wiggling around in there?" I asked, smirking.  "I'd hate to ruin our date by severing a limb when I was trying to be a gentleman."  She looked up at me, trying hard to look offended, and then she stuck her tongue out at me.  "Mature, Laur...move your arm."  She laughed and moved her arm so I could shut the door.

Once I was in the car, she turned, angling her body towards me.  "I was wondering how long I could fidget around before you either just went and got in without shutting the door or said something.  You made it longer than I thought you would."  She was grinning at me, and I shook my head and laughed.  Of course.  But every time she did something Lauren-like, I felt more at ease and less nervous.

"You're a real piece of work," I said.

"A real pretty piece of work," she joked back.

I glanced at her quickly and smiled.  "That's true.  You are."  And then Lauren blushed, which is a rare phenomenon and made me smile wider. 

"Knock it off," she said, turning her head quickly to look out the window in a futile attempt to hide her pink cheeks. 

"What?" I asked with mock innocence.  "I've been led to believe that it's generally a good thing to compliment women I'm taking on a date.  I've heard that most women like being told that they're pretty.  Have I been misled?"

"No, we do like that.  But it's you, so it's weird."  She glanced at me quickly, then turned her face back towards the window.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her take a deep breath.

"Hey," I said gently.  She turned back towards me.  "I know this is weird, and I'm nervous too."  When she smiled slightly, I tested my luck with, "And hey, at least we've already seen each other naked, so that won't be awkward."  She groaned and smacked me in the arm, but she was smiling again.

The rest of the drive to the restaurant was far less tense.  Once we got there, the rest of the tension melted away slowly.  Conversation got easier.  By the end of our meal, everything felt like it was back to normal.  I was enjoying her company, as I always did, but it still felt different than it ever had before.  Now it was a good different, though.

After we ate, we moved to the bar area and got another drink.  We ended up staying for two more hours, until finally Lauren said, "It's getting pretty late."  I looked at my watch.  It was after 11.  We both had to work the next day.

"Yeah, it is," I replied.  Neither of us moved.  "So I should probably get you home."

"Yeah, you should."  Still we sat.  Finally I stood and offered her a hand, pulling her up from her seat.  As we walked out, my arm seemed to settle around her waist on its own.  She didn't seem to mind and she let me pull her closer.  The drive back to her apartment was uncharacteristically quiet, but it was a comfortable quiet now.

When we got there, I parked the car.  "What are you doing?" she asked. 

"Walking you inside," I replied.  She started to open her mouth to argue.  "Nope, it's not up for discussion."

Even in the dark I saw her roll her eyes, but she said nothing.  She even took my hand again as we walked inside.  When we got to her apartment, she turned to me.  Leaning up against the door and looking up at me like she was, it was hard for me to not just kiss her.  Instead, I asked, "So, what's the verdict?  Are we going to do this again?"

"I'd like to," she replied, smiling.  "If you want to, of course," she added quickly.

"I do," I said.  I wrapped one hand around her waist and pulled her closer to me.  "Do you kiss on the first date?" I asked, smirking at her.

"Shut up, you idiot," she said, rising up onto her toes and pressing her lips to mine.  The hand I had on her waist slid across her back until my arm was wrapped around her, and my other hand found her cheek.  We'd obviously kissed before, but this was different.  I know I keep saying that, but I don't know how else to describe it.  It was just different.

"This weekend?" she asked when she pulled back.

"Huh?" I was a little dazed from the kiss and had no idea what she was talking about.

"This weekend.  Going out again?  Saturday?"

"Yes," I said.  "Yes, Saturday works."

She grinned at me and shook her head.  "I didn't realize I could make your brain stop just by kissing you or I'd have done it a lot sooner."

"I just wish it was as easy to make yours stop," I grumbled.

"Won't ever happen," she replied.

"I know," I said, smiling.  "It's one of the things I like about you."  She rolled her eyes.  I pulled her against me and kissed her again.  "Saturday," I said when we broke apart.

"Saturday," she repeated.  We stood there silently for about 3 seconds before she said, "Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight," I replied.  We smiled, and she unlocked her door and disappeared into her apartment.

"Saturday," I repeated softly to myself, as I turned and walked down the hall.

Uninvited Guest

Blogger is refusing to save my Alex post, so you guys have to wait just a little bit longer.  I'm sorry!  I don't know what the deal is.  Instead, you get the next post in the main storyline, so at least you don't have to wait until Monday for the resolution of the cliffhanger!
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Brody's dad took his time stepping out, shutting the door of his SUV, and getting out of the way.  Brody opened his garage door and parked, glancing at me.  "This ought to be fun," he said, before we got out.

"Have a nice little family dinner?" Brian Adler asked condescendingly.  Brody stood silently in the garage, forcing his dad to approach us.  Brody's mom walked slowly up the driveway behind, looking confused.  "I see your...girlfriend is part of the family now.  That's nice."  He sniffed with disdain as he looked me over briefly, and I clenched my fists.  Brody put a hand firmly on my back.

"Yes, Liv is a part of this family," Brody said stiffly.  "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to visit my son," he replied with mock innocence.  "Is that not allowed?"

Brody's fingers curled briefly against my back before flattening again.  "Cut the shit.  You haven't talked to me since Thanksgiving.  Why are you here?"

"Oh, hello Thalia," Brian said, as if he had just noticed his ex-wife.  He turned back to Brody.  "You shouldn't keep your mother standing outside in the cold.  Let's go inside."  He and Brody stared at each other for a second before Brody turned and unlocked his door.  He pushed it open and motioned for me to go inside.  I did, and when Brian moved to follow me, Brody blocked him with an arm so Thalia could go before him.  Brody came in last.

"Olivia, dear, can you show me to the guest room?" Thalia asked me.  She turned to Brody.  "I'll be there if you need me."  Without giving anyone a chance to protest, she took my arm firmly and began walking in the direction of the room.  I was glad for the out, but threw a worried glance over my shoulder at Brody.  He nodded to me to go ahead.

Thalia and I walked straight for the guest room.  She clearly was getting me out of the situation because she had no need for me to show her where the room was.  I was thankful.

"Well," she said, turning to me, "that was unexpected."  I nodded.  "Give them a few minutes before you go back out," she advised, sitting down on the bed and motioning to the armchair in the corner.  I sat, kind of awkwardly.

"Thanks for getting me out of there," I said.

"Oh, you're welcome dear.  Brody told me how Thanksgiving went, and I have no idea why he's here, so you probably don't want to be involved.  We like you, we don't want him to scare you away."

I blushed.  "Thank you," I said again.  "I really like you guys too.  I'm glad we all got to go to dinner tonight."

Thalia smiled.  "I haven't seen my son so happy in a very long time," she reported.  "I'm sure we can't give you all the credit, but I'm willing to bet you're a very large portion of the reason."

I blushed deeper.  "I don't know how much credit I can take, but I'm happy too," I said, shyly.  Thalia beamed at me.  We both looked towards the door as we heard raised voices from down the hall.  I stood and walked to the door, cracking it open.

"Do you know how much it took for me to come up here and ask you for this?!" Brody's dad bellowed.  "After you deserted me, left me scrambling, embarrassed me in front of the entire company?"

"Left you scrambling?  Are you fucking kidding me?  I tried to tell you, it's not my fault you didn't listen!" Brody retorted loudly.  "And if you had treated me like a son and a valued employee instead of a pawn, then I wouldn't have left the way I did!  You can't manipulate people and expect them to just take it forever."

I heard, very faintly, my phone start to ring from the kitchen, where I had dropped my purse on the counter.  "Yours?" his dad asked.

"Liv's," Brody replied shortly.  A second after it stopped, it started again.

"Shit," I muttered.  I slipped out of the room and quietly walked out to get it.  I had hoped they would have moved out of the kitchen but they hadn't, and I had to walk right between them to get my phone and silence it.  Both Brody and Brian were red faced and looked furious.

"Sorry," I said meekly.  "I'll just--"

"Don't be," Brian interrupted.  "Tell me, Olivia, is it?"  He paused, clearly waiting for me to answer.  I nodded.  "Tell me, Olivia--if your father came to you and needed something, and you were perfectly able to provide it, would you do it?"  I froze, not wanting to be in the middle of this discussion.

Apparently Brody felt the same way.  "Leave her out of this," he snapped.  "This has nothing to do with her and I won't let you suck her into your dramatic production."

Unfazed, Brian continued.  "Because I'm in quite a bind, and your chivalrous boyfriend here is refusing to help me.  That's not terribly charitable of him, is it?"

"Your mismanagement and gambling debts aren't my problem!" Brody exploded.  "You're not getting a dime from me!"

"You wouldn't be where you are today if it wasn't for me," Brian snarled, taking his attention off of me and turning back to Brody.  I took the opportunity to try to get out of the crossfire, and walked quietly towards the hall.  From behind me, I heard, "Is there a word for a long-term whore?  Because yours is trying to sneak out."

"Get the fuck out of my house," Brody growled, his voice quiet but menacing.  I spun around, my mouth open in shock.  Even from 10 feet away, I could see every muscle in Brody's body was rigid, tense with fury.  He looked absolutely terrifying.   

Before I could stop myself, I was speaking.  "My biological dad got locked up two weeks after my mom found out she was pregnant.  I never met him.  He's a better father than you are."  Then I turned and stalked out.

"Get. The fuck. Out," Brody repeated.  "Or I'll call the police and have you escorted out.  Don't you ever come here again."  I heard the door slam and a few seconds later, a car started.  Then I heard the door slam again.  And again.  3 more times.  And then what I assumed was Brody's foot connecting with it, once, twice, three times.  It was accompanied by a muttered, "Goddamned mother fucking sonofabitch."  Then there was silence for several seconds.

"Liv?" I looked up.  Brody was standing in front of me.  "I'm so sorry."

I smiled weakly.  "Me too," I replied.  "Are you okay?"

He shook his head.  "I don't want to talk about it right now.  Can we just go to bed?"  I nodded.  He stopped in and checked on his mom as I walked upstairs to his room his room.

I had brushed my teeth and washed my face and was sitting on his bed, listening to the voicemail I had gotten from Lauren.  I was worried until I heard her recorded voice say that she had accidentally hung up even though she meant to leave a message, which is why she called twice.  She just wanted to hang out on Friday.  I'd call her back tomorrow.

Brody went into the bathroom, and came out a couple minutes later.  I looked at him when he sat down next to me, and his expression was still stormy.  I contemplated whether I should ask him if he wanted to talk, or distract him.  Remembering that he had already said he didn't want to talk, I went with distraction.

I turned towards him and kissed him lightly on the cheek, testing the waters.  He turned his head towards me and pressed his lips hard against mine.  I pushed him back on the bed and straddled him, still kissing him.  He grabbed me and flipped us over so he was on top of me.  He paused briefly and looked at me, almost as though he was silently asking permission to be in control.  I just kissed him again.  He grabbed at my shirt and pants, pulling them roughly off me.  His mouth moved along my neck and my shoulder, nipping insistently at the skin there.  I reached for his shorts but he pushed my hand back down to the bed and held it there.  His teeth grazed over my breast and he sucked my nipple hard into his mouth.  I pressed my face against his arm to muffle my gasp as he slid two fingers into me.  Finally, he pulled his shorts off and pushed hard into me, which caused a low moan to escape my lips. 

When we were finished, Brody collapsed half on top of me, gently stroking my neck, my shoulder, then my arm.  It was in stark contrast to the rough, intense sex we'd just had.  As quiet as I'd tried to be, I was reasonably certain that if Thalia was still awake, she was completely aware of what we had been doing.  I wiggled one arm free and massaged the back of Brody's neck.  He groaned against my neck.

"Sorry," he muttered, his breath tickling my skin.  "That was..." he trailed off.

"Amazing?" I finished.  "Yeah, it was."

He lifted his head to look at me, his eyes studying my face.  "Okay," he said finally.  "Good."  He dropped his head back down to my shoulder and I resumed kneading the tense, knotted muscles in his neck.  We fell asleep like that, and when I woke up a couple hours later, I couldn't feel my hand.  I tugged my arm out from under Brody's body and he stirred and rolled over.  I pulled up the blanket and fell back asleep.

When my alarm went off in the morning, I had no desire to get out of bed.  Brody was already up and as I sat up, his bathroom door opened and he came out with a towel around his waist.  "Are you going to shower here?" he asked me, pulling open his closet door.  I nodded, still not quite fully awake.  "You'd better get up then!" he said, tossing his damp towel at me with a laugh.  I was glad to see he was in a better mood this morning.  I threw it back towards him but didn't get anywhere close.

As I walked past him to get to the bathroom, he stopped me.  "Hey, I just wanted to say, about last night...I would have stopped if--"

I cut him off.  "It would have been highly unfortunate if you had."

"I just wanted to make sure.  It makes me nervous to be rough with you, because of everything that happened with Jordan," he explained.

I nodded.  "But the difference is that I trust you, and you don't want to hurt me.  And as far as 'rough' goes, that was still way at the mild end of the spectrum."

He studied my face for several seconds before he nodded.  "Okay.  I just wanted to make sure," he repeated.   He pulled me to him and kissed me before letting me continue into the bathroom.

Once I was out of the shower I felt way more awake and was able to finish getting ready quickly.  When I went downstairs, I saw that Thalia was up and making breakfast.  My face flushed, remembering the night before and wondering again if she'd heard.  She didn't give any indication that she had as she greeted me and offered me breakfast.

"Thank you," I said gratefully as I grabbed a plate.  "This is awesome."

"After dealing with Brian last night, I thought you guys might need a good breakfast before going to work," she replied, smiling kindly.

I joined Brody at the table where he was finishing a cup of coffee.  "We have about 15 minutes," he informed me.  I nodded and ate quickly.

When I stood up and began to take my plate to the sink, Thalia jumped up and grabbed it, along with Brody's.  "You guys need to go.  I'll clean up."  She looked at Brody and said, "I'll lock up and leave when I'm done."

"I can clean up later, mom," he protested.  But she wasn't having it, and finally shooed us out the door.

"My entire house is going to be spotless when I get home," Brody predicted.

"I should have given her a key to my place too, then," I joked.

"She would gladly go over and clean it.  That woman lives to cook and clean.  You can thank her for my cooking and cleaning skills."

I laughed.  "I think I have a lot of things to thank her for."  

Family Dinner

Posting this one a little early so I can post Alex's perspective on the date tomorrow night!
________________________________
 
I slept well that night for the first time since the incident at the bar the weekend before, but I woke up the next morning when Brody's phone rang.  I groaned sleepily as I rolled over. Brody grabbed his phone and silenced the ringer, then muttered, "It's my sister."  He rolled out of bed and slipped quietly out of the room, answering on the way.

I hadn't made any progress on falling back asleep when Brody returned a couple minutes later.  "Sorry," he said, grinning wryly.  "Jen apparently forgot that it's two hours earlier here than in Philadelphia."  He got back into bed and wrapped his arm around me.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah, everything's good.  I guess she's going to be in Denver on business this week and wants to get dinner with us.  My mom might come up too.  Do you want to go?"

"Definitely," I replied.  "Jen's awesome!"  

"I'm glad you think so.  She thinks you're pretty great too."

"She's not wrong!" I joked.

Brody laughed.  "She certainly isn't," he responded, pressing his face against the back of my neck.  We did manage to fall back asleep for about another hour.

While we ate breakfast, we decided on plans for dinner with his sister and mom, since she had told him to decide on a good evening and let her know.  "Tuesday?" he asked me.

I shook my head.  "I'm having dinner with Cassie on Tuesday.  I can reschedule if nothing else works, though."

"No, don't do that," he said quickly.  "How about Wednesday?"

We agreed on Wednesday and when we were done eating, he called his mom to see if Wednesday worked.    I listened to his side of the conversation while I washed the dishes.  "No, Mom, you're not going to get a hotel room.  You can stay with me..." he paused, listening.  "Don't be ridiculous....Okay, fine, I'll ask her."  He turned to me, covering his phone with his hand.  "Do you care if my mom spends the night at my house on Wednesday after dinner?"

I made a weird face at him.  "Why would I care about that?" I asked.  He shrugged.  "Of course she should spend the night at your house." 

"Mom, she also says it's ridiculous for you to spend the night in a hotel room," he said into the phone.

"I DID NOT!" I yelled, throwing a dishtowel at him. 

He laughed.  "Okay, well she didn't say that exactly," he admitted.  "But yes, she says you should spend the night at my house."  He listened again for several seconds, then grinned.  "Okay, good.  I'll talk to Jen and we'll figure out a time."

After he hung up, he shook his head.  "She's so stubborn, but she finally agreed.  I don't know why she thinks she needs a hotel room, I have plenty of space."   We spent the rest of the day being lazy, and it was perfect.

On Monday during my lunch break, I kept my promise to Brody and did some google searching for a potential therapist.  I quickly ruled out any local agencies, since I had applied for a job at most of them, and concentrated my search in surrounding towns that I didn't imagine myself ever wanting to work in.  I found a couple possibilities and wrote them down to call.  Someday.  Maybe.    

On Tuesday, I met Cassie downtown for dinner after work.  After we had ordered, I looked at her.  "So, what's the deal with the men in your life?  James?  Nick?  Fill me in, because we haven't gotten a chance to talk about this yet!"

"Ummm..." she said, hesitating and looking uncomfortable.  I raised my eyebrows and stared her down.  "I'm kind of sleeping with both of them," she finished in a rush.

I laughed.  "Seriously?  You minx.  Do they know?"

"Of course they don't!" she exclaimed.  "And you'd better not tell James, either."  I held both hands up in surrender.  "Anyway, I don't really want to hook up with Nick anymore.  James is way better in bed.  And hotter.  Not entirely sure why you cut that one loose."

"I'm delighted that you find his performance satisfactory," I said, rolling my eyes.  "So are you guys just hooking up, or what?"

"I guess so," she replied with a shrug.  "I mean, we went out to brunch on Sunday, but that doesn't count for anything, since I went over to his place at like, 1 am the night before and all we did was bone then sleep." 

"Are you good with that?  Is he good with that?" I asked.

She shrugged again.  "I'm fine with it," she responded.  "I guess I'd be open to dating him too, if he wanted that.  I don't really have strong feelings either way right now, I barely know him."

"Fair enough," I said, nodding.  "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."  She then filled me in on how things were going at work, and I was happy to hear that she was still really happy working for Brody's company.  We talked about the plans for dinner with Brody's mom and sister the next night.  When we were done, I brought Cassie home and we made plans to meet up over the weekend.

On Wednesday I got stuck at work a little late and made it home with just enough time to get ready for dinner with Brody's family.  Brody was picking me up and we were staying at his house after dinner.  He rang my doorbell as I was upstairs putting on my boots, and I was glad when he opened the door and walked in a second later.    

"I'll be down in a second!" I called, zipping up my second boot.  I heard him start up the stairs anyway.  He appeared in my doorway as I straightened, and I smiled at him.  I wondered if I'd ever not feel butterflies when I saw him.

He smiled back and stepped through the door towards me.  "Hi, gorgeous," he said, kissing me.

"Mmm, hi," I replied after the kiss ended.

"Ready for round 2 with my family?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, with the women in your family, anyway," I replied.  "I don't know if I'm ever going to be ready for round 2 with your dad or brother."

Brody grimaced.  "No one is."  I took one last look at my hair and makeup and we left.

Jen was at the restaurant already when we got there, and she hugged me right away.  "I'm so happy you came!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"Hello, dear sister," Brody said sarcastically.  "I'm excited to see you too."

She grinned and hugged him.  "You were only invited because I didn't think Olivia would come on her own," she teased.

"I agree!" came a warm voice from behind us.  We turned and saw Brody's mom, Thalia, approaching. 

"Thanks a lot, Mom!  Is no one on my side?" Brody said, laughing while he hugged her.  He turned and looked at me.

"I don't know, I mean, I don't really feel like your presence is completely necessary..." I joked, smiling innocently.

He shook his head.  "I guess you're staying in a hotel tonight," he said, looking at his mom, then turning to me, "and you're walking home!"

"I'll give her a ride," Thalia said, smiling.

"And she can stay with me!" I finished.  Brody threw up his hands in surrender.

Once we were settled at our table, conversation flowed easily.  The service was slow, so we all had lots of time to catch up.  We spent a good portion of it harassing Brody, of course.  He took it in stride.

"Well, I guess I'm glad you guys like Liv, at least," he said, as we walked out.  "And it's good to know whose side you're on!" he finished, looking at me.  I grinned at him.

His mom followed us back to Brody's house.  When his driveway became visible on the dark street, he frowned.  "Who the hell is that?" he asked, peering into the darkness as we approached.  There was a large, dark SUV in Brody's driveway.  As he started to turn into the driveway, the driver's door swung open abruptly and a man stepped out.  "Shit," Brody muttered, stopping just shy of the car door his father had just swung open.

Hard to Admit

A week after my little meltdown at the bar, we went to Kinsley's house for some football game.  I groaned as I pulled up to Kinsley's house and parked.  "What?" Brody asked, looking around curiously.

"That's James's car," I said, pointing to a dark blue Jeep parked across the street.

Brody sighed.  "Why does he have to go everywhere that Damien goes?  Can't he just...stay home sometimes?"  I didn't answer.  I was about to ask Brody if he wanted to leave, but he was already getting out of the car.  I got out too, and we walked up to the door. 

When we walked in, Kinsley greeted us happily and pulled me upstairs.  "I don't do football, this is awful," she complained.  "Come see the new clothes I got yesterday."  I was happy to comply, since football isn't really my thing either, and I would have to suffer through sober, since I was driving.

"Why are you having a football party anyway?" I asked, confused.

She rolled her eyes.  "It was Damien's idea, but his place is being remodeled, so I offered mine.  I don't know what I was thinking."  She paused to show me a few things, then said, "So, is Brody okay with James being here?  Damien wasn't sure if he should come or not."

I shrugged.  "I mean, he'd prefer if James wasn't here, for sure.  I'm sure he's even more pissed at him after what happened last weekend, but he'll be fine."

We hid out upstairs for about a half hour before we decided we should probably make an appearance.  There was a lot of yelling downstairs and it sounded like the game was pretty exciting.  As we walked down, Kinsley glanced at me.  "You know, if you want to drink, you guys can definitely stay here tonight."

"We could walk back to my house too," I pointed out.  "But I don't really feel like it anyway.  Thanks though."  On our way down, I stopped in the kitchen and grabbed another beer for Brody.

He grinned at me when I handed it to him and pulled me down onto his lap.  "You are the best," he declared.  "I was just thinking about how much it sucked that I'd have to get up to get a new one soon."

"Now that is how a woman should act during a playoff game," Alex stated, looking pointedly at Lauren.  Lauren was wearing a jersey and I'm pretty sure she was yelling louder than any of them.  She also appeared to be cheering for the "wrong" team.

"You love that I love football," Lauren retorted.  "You're just mad that I told you to get your own beer."  This led to a lively debate about the pros and cons of female football fans, and Kinsley and I exchanged looks.

Apparently, football games are 3 hours long.  And there were two of them.  By the beginning of the second game, Brody had consumed more beers than I'd ever seen him drink at once, and he was clearly drunk.  He was arguing loudly with Lauren and the other guys about bad calls, and he was super touchy-feely with me.  At halftime of the second game, I went out to the car to grab my phone, which I'd left accidentally and could no longer survive without.

It had fallen beneath the seat and the center console and it took me several minutes to fish it out.  When I came back in, I went into the kitchen to get a soda and was surprised to find Brody and James standing there.  Their voices were low but both of them were standing rigidly, and it looked like they were arguing.

"I don't know what you want me to say," James was saying as I walked in. 

"Nothing.  There's nothing you can say," Brody spat back.  "But you should know that last weekend she tried to punch someone in the face because he grabbed her arm, and then she didn't talk or let me touch her for nearly an hour.  She cowered away from me like a fucking abused dog when I tried to hug her."  James looked at me, but I didn't speak.

"Do you think that I don't feel awful about what happened?  If I could go back and prevent it, I would.  There's--" James started.

"Did you know she has nightmares?" Brody continued, cutting him off.

"How would I know that?" James asked in exasperation.

"Well, I assume you spent at least a couple nights with her," Brody said, shrugging casually.

James rolled his eyes.  "Not even going there.  What do you want?  Do you want to get your hands on him again?  Will that make you feel better?  Be my guest.  But don't expect it to go as well as it went the first time."

They were starting to raise their voices, and Alex and Damien were both watching from the dining area, probably ready to step in if things got physical.  I finally broke in.  "Brody," I said softly, touching his arm.  "I'm ready to go."  No one spoke for several minutes, then Brody turned on his heel and stormed out.

Damien and Alex went back to the living room, and James and I just stared at each other for a second.  "I'm sorry," I started, ready to make excuses for Brody.

"I had no idea it was that bad," he interrupted.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What would you do about it?  I don't like to talk about it.  And he made it sound worse than it really is," I lied, not wanting to talk to James about it.  Not wanting to talk to anyone about it.

"But you punched someone?" he asked, looking pained.

"I didn't actually.  I mean, I did try, but Alex blocked it, so instead I punched his forearm.  He should have just let me punch the drunk asshole."  I tried the last part as a joke, but James just looked upset.

"Liv, I feel a little ridiculous suggesting this to you, considering what you do for a living, but have you considered talking to someone?"

I rolled my eyes.  "I'm fine, James.  Thank you, I appreciate your concern, I really do.  But I don't want to see someone.  And I really should get Brody out of here."  I said goodbye and walked into the living room.  I said goodbye to Lauren and Kinsley, and waved to Alex and Damien and Christian.  Brody was pacing by the front door, and when he saw me he pulled it open.  I walked out and he followed, pulling the door shut.

We were silent on the short drive back to my house.  When we got there, Brody sat down on the couch and shoved his hand through his hair.  I sat in one of the chairs and looked at him.  "What the hell happened?" I asked finally.

He shook his head.  "I don't even know.  We both had too much to drink, and he made a comment about me being hostile, and I just lost it.  I'm sorry, I just think it's better if I'm not around him.  After what happened last weekend, I can't even be in the same room as him without wanting to punch him and his brother."

I sighed and leaned my head back against the chair.  "I just don't understand why you have such a hard time with something that doesn't even have anything to do with you.  I mean, you weren't even in the state of Colorado when it happened."

"Nothing to do with me?" he said incredulously, sitting up and leaning forward.  "You're right in the sense that I wasn't there.  But when someone slaps your ass right in front of me, it has something to do with me.  When you wake up in the middle of the night sobbing and disoriented because you had a nightmare, it has something to do with me.  When I have to take you home, terrified and shaking, because some drunk idiot put his hands on you, and there isn't a damn thing I can do to fix it, it has something to do with me."

I didn't say anything for several seconds.  He was right, of course.  He waited until I looked back up at him, then said gently, "I don't understand why you're trying so hard to pretend like it's not a big deal and you can handle it yourself.  You're so damn stubborn, Liv, and you want everyone to know that you don't need help with anything.  I love that about you, but it's okay to admit that what happened scared the hell out of you.  You were assaulted.  You were probably nearly raped.  You'd be abnormal if you weren't freaked out."

I blinked back tears and swallowed hard.  Then I said quietly, almost whispering, "What happened scared the hell out of me."  I looked up at Brody and continued, "And you're right, it has everything to do with you.  I don't know why I keep trying to insist that it doesn't.  I just keep hoping that enough time will pass and it will go away, but it seems like every time it starts to get better, something else happens that makes it worse."

Brody stood and walked over to me.  He pulled me up from the chair and hugged me, then led me over to the couch where he sat and pulled me against his chest.  I sucked in a shaky breath, still fighting back tears.  After a couple minutes, Brody said, "I heard your conversation with James, and as much as I hate to say this, I agree with him.  I think you should consider talking to someone."  I didn't say anything, and Brody sighed.  "Look, this isn't about me, but last weekend was so hard for me.  It was awful for me to see you like that, and even worse that I couldn't do anything to fix it.  I don't know how to fix it, but maybe someone else can."

Even though I am a therapist, and believe wholeheartedly in therapy, and know that results were likely for something like this, the idea of talking to someone about it terrified me.  But it would probably be the most helpful thing I could do for myself at the moment.  "I promise that I'll think about it, and that I'll at least do a little looking online to see if I can find someone that might be a good fit," I said finally.

"Thank you," Brody replied, sounding relieved.  "That's good enough for me."  

Wanting very much to talk about something else, I said, "Did you want to watch the rest of the game?"

"Do you?" Brody asked with a laugh.

"Not really," I replied honestly, "But I know you do, and maybe you could explain it to me."  And that's how I came to spend the next 45 minutes being educated on false starts, touchdowns, running backs, and personal fouls. 
 

Flashbacks

No one was able to do happy hour hour on Thursday, so on Saturday, Lauren, Alex, Kinsley, Cassie, Brody, and I all went out.  We got lucky enough to find a table at the bar we chose, and sat with our drinks catching up.

After about a half hour, Cassie poked me and showed me her phone.  She had a text from Nick that read, "What are you doing tonight? Can we meet up?"  I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Is that a booty call text?" she asked, clearly irritated.

Brody reached around me and grabbed the phone, inspecting it.  "Hmmm, maybe, but not necessarily."

"Helpful," I replied.

"I just can't believe that after the shit he pulled last weekend, he would send me a text like that!" Cassie exclaimed.  We spent about 5 minutes discussing whether or not it was a booty call text before Cassie decided to just text him back and let him know where we were.  "Wow," she said, looking down when her phone vibrated less than a minute after.  "I guess he's coming."

He arrived within 30 minutes, and he seemed friendly enough when Cassie introduced him to us.  When he turned and started flirting with Kinsley though, Cassie and I exchanged looks.  He quickly realized that Kinsley wasn't interested and turned back to Cassie, putting his arm around her shoulders and whispering something in her ear.  When Cassie turned to me and said they were leaving, I was perplexed, but whatever.  I hugged her and they took off.

Alex, Kinsley, and I went up to the bar to get more drinks.  While we were waiting, a very drunk guy walked up to us and inserted himself between Kinsley and I.  "Helllllo, beautiful ladies," he slurred.  "Can I buy your drinks?"

"Actually, I'm buying their drinks tonight," Alex broke in.

The drunk guy slowly turned his head towards Alex, and he blinked leisurely.  "Help a brother out and share.  You don't need them both.  Here, I'll take this one."  He put his arm around me, trapping me between him and the bar.  I immediately felt my heart rate pick up and felt a stab of anxiety at being trapped.

I moved out from under his arm.  "No thanks," I replied, starting to step away.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asked, as he grabbed my forearm hard.  In my head, I was back in the hallway with Jordan, his huge hand wrapped around my arm, pinned against the wall.

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" I yelped.

Alex stepped over quickly.  "Let her go," he said, gripping the guy's wrist.  He put his other hand on my shoulder.  It was meant to be soothing, but it only made it worse.

He didn't let go, and I yanked on my arm.  "I told you to get your fucking hands off me!" I repeated, my voice shrill.  My heart was racing, and my encounter with Jordan was still flashing through my head.  Without even thinking, I cocked my free fist back, ready to punch this guy in the face.

"No, Liv," Alex said calmly, getting his arm up to block the punch just in time.  My fist glanced off Alex's forearm and the drunk guy was so shocked that he finally let go, backing away quickly.  The bartender was glaring at us and people around us were staring.  Alex put a gentle hand on my back again, but I flinched away.

"Please don't touch me," I pleaded softly, nearly in tears.

"Will you walk out of here with me?" he asked.  I nodded, and his hand dropped.  He turned to Kinsley and said, "Go get Brody, I'm taking her outside."  Kinsley was already walking quickly back towards the table.  "Come on Liv, let's go," Alex said, his voice gentle.  On shaking legs, I walked towards the door, Alex a half pace behind me.

When we got outside, I leaned against the building to steady myself, sucking in several deep breaths.  Alex leaned silently against the wall next to me.  His presence was reassuring, and I was thankful he wasn't trying to touch me or talk to me.

The door flew open and Brody rushed over to us.  He reached for me, but I shrank away from him.  "She's really freaked out, she asked me not to touch her," Alex said quietly to him.  The door opened again, and Lauren popped out, handing my purse and my coat to Brody.  Brody held out my coat but I couldn't seem to make myself move away from the wall.

"Lean forward," he directed me.  I did, and he draped it around my shivering shoulders, being careful not to touch me.  He turned to Alex.  "Will you stay with her while I get my car?" he asked.  Alex nodded.  I managed to work my arms into the sleeves of my coat and leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes.  I opened them quickly to avoid Jordan's leering face, which appeared as soon as my eyelids blocked out the light from the streetlights and the buildings around us.

I was vaguely aware of Brody's SUV pulling up to the curb in front of us.  He got out and pulled open the passenger door, then walked over to me.  "Liv, sweetheart, let's go," he said gently.  I obediently walked over and got in.  I put on my seatbelt and pulled my knees up against my chest, resting my forehead on top.

Brody was silent on the drive back to my house.  When he parked in the driveway, he said, "We're here."  I lifted my head and mechanically took off my seatbelt and got out of the car.  I got my door unlocked on the second try and dropped my stuff on the couch.

"Liv, can I do anything?" Brody asked.

"No, I don't think so," I replied, the first words I'd spoken since asking Alex not to touch me.  "I think I'm going to take a shower."  Brody nodded.

I stood in the hot spray of the shower for nearly 20 minutes, trying to wash away the stress and embarrassment of what had just happened.  I couldn't believe I had tried to punch the guy.  And poor Alex.  Even though my fist hadn't even hit his forearm straight on, he didn't deserve to take a punch because some drunk asshole couldn't keep his hands to himself.

When the water started to get tepid, I turned it off and grabbed my towel.  I dried off and then wrapped it around me before walking into my bedroom.  Brody was laying on my bed in basketball shorts and a t-shirt, scrolling through something on his phone.  When I came in, he tossed the phone aside and sat up.  I smiled shyly at him, and he looked relieved.  He watched while I pulled on pajama pants and a tank top.

I hung up my towel and combed my hair and then walked over to him.  He stood up and tentatively held out a hand to me.  I bypassed his hand and leaned into his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist.  He wrapped his arms tightly around me.  "You scared me," he said.   "I didn't know what I was supposed to do with you.  I don't know how to comfort you without touching you."

"You were perfect," I replied, turning my head to the side so he could hear me.  "I'm sorry, I can't believe I did that.  I just...he grabbed my arm the same way that Jordan did, and I couldn't think straight.  I just kept imagining..." I trailed off.

"Why are you sorry?  Some asshole puts his hands on you, and you're sorry?" He sounded angry, and I cringed.  "Liv, I'm sorry.  That sounded like...I didn't mean to--oh, fuck it."  He took a deep breath.  "I think I'm a little shaken up too," he admitted.  "Kinsley's face when she came to get me...and then when I saw you outside, and you wouldn't let me touch you, or talk to me..." he trailed off again. 

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," I said, shaking my head.  "Please."

"Okay, we won't.  But if and when you decide you want to, just tell me, okay?"  I nodded.  "Do you want to go to bed?" he asked.

"No, not really," I replied.  I was exhausted, but I was also fearful of the nightmares that were sure to come.  "Can we watch TV or something?"

We went downstairs and I laid on the couch with my head in Brody's lap.  He flipped through the channels until he found something halfway interesting.  His fingers raked through my hair, and I stared absently at the TV while he stroked my hair and massaged my scalp.  My eyes quickly grew heavy but I fought sleep.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep, because I woke with a start when dream-Jordan slammed my arm against the wall.  Completely disoriented, I forgot we were on the couch and jumped up, scrambling backwards when I realized with panic I wasn't in my bed.  I backed right into the front door and crumpled into a shaking, sobbing ball on the floor.

A light switched on and I heard Brody swear.  In an instant he was kneeling on the floor next to me.  "Liv," he said, tentatively touching my back.  When I didn't panic or move away, he pushed my hair out of my face and rubbed my shoulder. "Baby, it's okay.  You're safe.  It was a nightmare."  I tried to take a deep breath and calm down but I couldn't make the panicked feeling subside.

Brody sat down against the wall next to me and slowly slid an arm around my heaving back.  I shuddered and collapsed against him, sucking in several shaky breaths.  Brody held me while I calmed down, rubbing my back and murmuring comforting words.  I managed to stop crying after a couple minutes and focused on stilling my shaking limbs.  Brody stretched his leg out and managed to snag the corner of my blanket under his heel and pulled it over, tucking it around me carefully.  I wrapped my fist in it and gripped it tightly, slowly starting to relax against Brody.

After several minutes, I sat up and pushed my hair out of my face.  "I-I'm sorry," I muttered to Brody, as I tried to pull my tangled hair back into a ponytail.

"Stop," Brody said firmly.  "You have nothing to be sorry for." He pushed back a piece of hair I had missed and I pulled it into the mass of hair I was gathering.  "I'm going to go get some water, okay?"  I nodded and he stood and stretched before walking into the kitchen.

When he came back, he offered a hand to me and pulled me up off the floor.  We sat down on the couch and he took a couple drinks out of the water bottle and then handed it to me.  I took a drink and gave it back.  "What happens when you have a nightmare and you're alone?" he asked curiously.

I shrugged.  "They're not usually like that," I replied.  "Usually I just wake up a little freaked out, but then I realize it was a nightmare.  It usually takes me awhile to fall back asleep, and I sometimes don't sleep well afterwards, but it's never been like that.  That was...awful."

"It was," he agreed.  "How often do you have them?"

"Once a week?  Every other?  More when I'm stressed out, and always when something happens, like tonight or when we saw Jordan."

Brody leaned back and pushed his hand through his hair.  "Liv, I had no idea it was that often," he said, looking at me carefully. 

"That's because I haven't told you," I replied.  "Most of the time it's not a big deal, it's like any bad dream.  Realize you're dreaming, wake up, think 'holy shit, what a fucked up dream,' and go back to sleep.  And I sleep better when I'm with you, so I usually only have them with you after something happens or when I'm really stressed, like the one I had after Thanksgiving."  I yawned.  "What time is it?" I asked, craning my head to try to see the time on the microwave.

Brody looked down at his watch.  "Almost 4.  Do you think you can go back to sleep?"  I nodded.   Brody stood and pulled me to my feet.  We headed upstairs.  I curled into a ball on my side under the blankets and Brody laid against me, wrapping his arm tightly around me.

After a few minutes, I said, "Brody?"

"Yeah?" he replied immediately, his fingers stroking my arm.

"Thank you.  I mean, for everything tonight, earlier and just now.  You were amazing and patient and it helped a lot.  It was, well...just...thank you.  I love you."  I stumbled over my words, struggling with conveying what I meant in my overtired state.

Brody laughed gently.  "You're welcome.  And I love you too.  Now go to sleep."