(Now) Lauren: This is Why I Don't Get Drunk

I am drunk.

Not wasted, but drunk enough to be a little ridiculous.  I hate being drunk.  I really prefer being in complete control of myself as much as possible.  But between the open bar and dreading having to spend the night in a hotel room with Damien and Kinsley (why did I think that was a good idea?), I am drunk.

"Need another one?" Alex asks me, as I drain the drink in my hand.

I stand without even looking at him.  "Yup," I say, and he joins me as I walk to the bar.

As we walk, he slings his arm casually around my shoulders.  "This is the most drunk I've ever seen you."  I look at him out of the corner of my eye, but quickly shake my head and focus forward again, because that makes me dizzy.

"Yeah," I reply, not sure what else to say.

"And speechless too?  Tonight is a night for the record books."  Alex chuckles as I glare at him.

"Shut up, asshole," I say, but I'm rolling my eyes and fighting a laugh myself.  We get our drinks and head back to the table.  Brody, Damien, and Kendra's brother are deep in conversation about something, and Liv and Kinsley are dancing. 

"So what's up?" Alex asks me.

I look at him curiously.  "What do you mean?"

"You've been distracted all day, and you're drunk.  Why?"

What am I supposed to say to that?  "Well, to be honest, I'm thinking about how last night I accidentally had the best sex I've ever had in my entire life with my coworker that I shouldn't be having sex with"?  Probably not.  Luckily, I'm saved from answering by the arrival of a breathless Liv and Kinsley.  Liv and Brody disappear outside and Kinsley sits practically on top of Damien.  Maybe they'll leave soon so they can do whatever they're going to do and then pass out before I get back to the room.

After a few minutes, Damien and Kinsley do leave, and Kendra's brother wanders away too.  I'm relieved for a second, until I become incredibly conscious of Alex's eyes on me.  "I can't believe I thought it was a good idea to share a room with them," I say quickly, trying to fight the weird feeling I'm getting from his gaze.  It's not bad weird, just weird.

Alex doesn't say anything for several seconds, then he says, "I have my own room."  That's it.  Just that he has his own room.

"That's excellent," I mutter sarcastically.  What good does that do me?  Rub it in some more.

He chuckles.  "You could stay with me."  When I look at him weirdly, he quickly adds, "There are two beds."

I'm considering this when Liv and Brody hurry back in.  Liv's face is flushed from the cold and she looks...strange.  Not really upset, but not really happy either.  They grab their stuff, say goodnight, and leave.

From there, the night gets kind of ugly.  Alex and I spend some time making the rounds of our college friends that are in attendance and quickly learn about Savannah's confrontation of Liv and Brody.  At some point, Savannah makes quite a scene, and it's after this that Alex and I decide we're done with the reception.  I'm wobbly, and he isn't too sober himself, but he's more stable than I am.  I almost tip over on my heels as we wait for the elevator and he quickly hooks an arm around my waist.  "Easy," he murmurs, tightening his arm a little more than necessary.  I realize that I don't mind standing close to him, and I lean against him, tired and ready to take my shoes off.

The elevator is excruciatingly slow, and my eyelids are getting heavy as we wait.  When the doors finally open in front of us, it takes me a minute to react to Alex gently tugging me inside.  He leans against the back wall and I lean against his chest, wondering how I've never noticed how good he smells.  "Your room or mine?" he asks, as the elevator starts its equally slow ascent.

"Huh?" I ask, looking up at him in confusion.

"Are you going to brave your own room, or did you want to stay with me?"

"Fuck them," I reply.  "I'm not going in there.  I'll stay with you."  Alex chuckles and wraps his other arm around me too.  I relax against him until the elevator dings and stops.  He shifts me to his side and keeps one arm around my waist, and I briefly wonder if it's still to keep me steady, or if he has ulterior motives.  I'm still debating in my head if I have ulterior motives, when we arrive at his room.

He pulls open the door and sits on the edge of one of the beds.  He doesn't bother turning any of the overhead lights on, and there is only the lamp next to his bed keeping me from walking straight into the wall.  I immediately step out of my shoes and wiggle my toes happily.  Alex has taken off his shoes and untucked his shirt, and is struggling with his bowtie.  "Here," I say.  "Let me help."  I step over to him and quickly get it untied.  I leave it hanging from his neck and look up, suddenly acutely aware of how close we are to each other.  "Um," I stammer, "I don't have...I need..."

"I have an extra shirt and shorts you can wear," he says softly, picking up on what I'm not getting out of my mouth.

"Thanks," I reply.  Neither of us move, and we're both just staring at each other from inches away.  "Alex?" I whisper, letting my hand that was hovering near the end of his bowtie settle onto his chest.

"Yeah?" he answers, but I don't get a chance to reply because he's closed the tiny distance between us and he's kissing me.  His lips press against mine and then he's sucking gently on my bottom lip, sending a shiver up my spine.

For some reason, I pull away.  "Alex," I repeat, a little breathlessly.  He looks at me curiously.  "I..."  But then I don't know why I'm talking and not kissing him, and I kiss him again.  He grips my hips, pulling me tightly against him, and I can feel how badly he wants me.

His hands travel up my sides and one hand cups the back of my head while the other traces a path down my throat, over my collarbone, and to the edge of the neckline of my dress.  I start to unbutton his shirt as his hand continues on its path, grazing lightly over my breast, down my stomach, back across my hip and down my leg.  He pauses briefly at the hem of my dress before sliding his palm back up my leg, beneath my dress.

I moan softly into our kiss as his fingertips brush against my underwear, and he quickly pulls them down.  I kick them away as his fingers return to the spot where they had just been, only now there's nothing between his skin and mine.  I gasp as he makes contact with me, and I pull my lips from his so I can press my forehead against his shoulder.  He moves his fingers away and I groan in disappointment, but he quickly finds the zipper of my dress and soon it's joining my underwear on the floor.  I push his shirt off his shoulders and quickly go for his pants, tugging his belt off and shoving them down.

When we've finally gotten rid of the rest of our clothes, I lay back on the bed and he slides up next to me, his fingers running slowly up my leg.  I moan again as fingers return to where I so desperately want them.

We're so caught up in it that we almost forget a condom.  Alex remembers at the last second and jumps up, rifling through his bag.  I curse myself.  I'm usually a lot more careful.  This is why I don't get drunk.  I forget my thoughts as Alex returns and eases into me, and all I can think about is why haven't we done this sooner?

When we're done, laying next to each other, I briefly consider going back to my room.  Kinsley and Damien must be asleep by now, right?  But when Alex rolls onto his side and pulls me against him, I let myself relax and finally slip into the semi-drunk sleep that's been tugging at me for the last hour.

I wake up feeling surprisingly good.  A little bit of a headache, a dry mouth.  Other than that, I feel better than I deserve to.  I'm still basking in my self-congratulatory no-hangover haze when I remember the night before.  Oh, shit.  Shit, shit, shit.  What did I do?  I'm in Alex's room, in Alex's bed, and my clothes are scattered all over the room.  This is why I don't get drunk.

Alex's arm is flung over my back haphazardly.  I ease out from under it slowly, trying not to wake him up.  I'm successful, and I manage to get myself almost completely dressed before he stirs, rolling over to look at me.  "There's that brunch," I say softly, feeling a desperate need to provide an excuse for why I'm trying to sneak out of his room.  He nods and squints at the clock.  It's a little after 8.  I finished zipping up my dress.  My feet protest as I slide them back into my shoes from last night.  "I, um, need to go back to my room to get ready," I continue.  Why does this feel so weird?  Alex and I have known each other forever, it's a wonder we haven't ended up in this predicament sooner.

"Okay," he says, stifling a yawn.  I'm tired too, and I'm surprised to realize that I want nothing more than to crawl back into bed with Alex, and go back to sleep for a little while.  But I can't.  This shouldn't have happened.

"See you at brunch," I whisper, backing towards the door.  He nods and shuts his eyes as I turn and slip out.

The whole walk to my room I'm trying to figure out what I'll tell Kinsley and Damien.  Certainly not that I slept with Alex last night.  I finally settle on claiming that we left the reception so late that I didn't want to disturb them by coming in and getting ready for bed, so I just stayed in Alex's room.  In the other bed.  The other bed that didn't even get a second glance.  My hands are shaky as I push the keycard into the reader and the light flashes red the first time.  I take a deep breath and do it again, and this time the green light gives me entry into the room.

I celebrate silently when I find Kinsley and Damien still asleep.  I grab clothes out of my bag quickly so I can get in the shower and maybe pretend I was here the whole time.  By the time I emerge from the bathroom, clean and dressed, Kinsley and Damien are up.  "What time did you get back last night?" Kinsley asks me brightly.  "We didn't hear you come in."

"Um, I'm not sure actually," I lie.  "It was pretty late.  You guys were out cold!"

"I guess we were," Kinsley agrees.  I quickly distract them by filling them in on Savannah's antics that they missed the night before.  It does the trick, and no one cares about what time I (didn't) get in last night.

I'm nervous as we go down for brunch.  Will Alex say anything?  Will it be weird?  But when we see him, he smiles warmly the same way he always would have, and I relax a little.  The four of us are quickly chatting easily, and then Brody and Liv make it down and I fill Liv in on what happened the night before, after she and Brody left.  The Savannah stuff, I mean.  Not the me and Alex having drunk sex stuff.

As we head towards our rooms to get our stuff packed up and get checked out, Alex puts a hand on my arm.  "Keep me company on the way back?" he asks.  He drove himself up, and I rode with Kinsley and Damien.  I frantically rack my brain for an excuse to not ride with him, but I can't think of one, so I agree.  He smiles and heads for his room.

The hour long ride is awkward.  I can tell that Alex wants to talk about the night before, but I refuse to bring it up, and he doesn't either.  Instead, I ramble on about anything else that I can think of.  From time to time, I think I see a flash of irritation on Alex's face, but maybe I'm imagining it. 

I'm so relieved when Alex parks in front of my apartment complex.  "Let me help you bring your stuff up," he offers.

"I can get it," I reply quickly.

"Don't be stupid, Lauren," he says, turning off his car and rolling his eyes.  "I'll help you."  His tone isn't quite as light as it might usually be when says something like that, and I'm a little taken aback.  I exhale a long sigh and get out of the car.

We're silent as we walk up the stairs to my apartment.  I unlock the door and Alex sets my bag carefully on the floor inside the entryway.  "Thanks," I say softly, suddenly feeling very nervous.

"You're welcome," he replies.  "I'm always happy to help you, Lauren."  I had been looking at my bag, but when he says that, my eyes snap up to his.  He's staring at me, and his eyes are intense.  He looks like he wants to kiss me, and when his eyes flick down to my lips, it confirms my suspicions.

"Well," I say quickly, "I have lots of things to do today.  Thanks for the ride.  I'll see you Thursday?"

Disappointment flashes in his eyes and he takes a half a step back.  "Yeah.  I'll see you Thursday.  Bye, Laur."  Without waiting for me to say goodbye, he turns and walks out, pulling my door firmly shut behind him.