Thank God for Caffeine

When I finally fell asleep, I didn't sleep well, but I also didn't have any nightmares.  I'll take what I can get.  Even so, morning came way too soon, and I jumped when Brody gently shook me awake a mere couple of hours after we'd finally fallen asleep.  "Sorry," he said.  "We should get up if you're going to work."

"I'm going to work," I mumbled sleepily.  I stretched and almost fell off the couch, forgetting we were still there.  I groaned and rolled my neck as I sat up.  "You didn't have to spend the night on the couch with me," I said apologetically.  I felt bad, knowing that he probably slept even less than I did.

"You actually slept a little," he replied.  "I didn't want to disturb you and blow your shot at getting any sleep."

"Thank you," I said, managing a sleepy smile.  I went upstairs to shower, electing not to wash my hair to save some effort in the getting ready process.  Unfortunately, no amount of makeup could camouflage my complete lack of sleep, but I did the best I could to make myself look awake.

Brody showered and got dressed while I got ready, and when I got downstairs he handed me coffee, a banana, and a granola bar.  "Breakfast," he declared.  "Sorry, that's the best I can do this morning."

"This is perfect," I assured him.  "I don't expect you to make me breakfast, you know."

"I know you don't," he replied as we walked towards the door together.  "But I like making breakfast.  And I know you appreciate it and don't expect it, which makes me enjoy making it even more.  I just didn't have it in me this morning."

"I don't think I have much of anything in me this morning," I admitted.  "Today is going to be rough."  To punctuate this, I yawned.

We had a quiet drive into town, both of us too tired to talk much.  I kissed Brody goodbye when he dropped me off.  He promised to pick me up at lunchtime and take me to get my car.  I made my way into the office, greeting our administrative assistant on my way back to my office.

Shortly after I got settled, Josh came into my office to check on our plan for him to introduce me to the client he hoped to transition to me.  I confirmed the time with him.  He looked at me and said, "Rough night?"  His tone was sympathetic instead of snarky.

"Something like that," I replied.

"I was heading out to grab some coffee, do you want something?  Or want to come along?"

I considered this.  I didn't really want to go anywhere with Josh, but I really wanted some more coffee.  I didn't trust him enough to let him bring something back for me.  And I had a lot of restless, nervous energy.  A quick walk would probably do me some good.  I glanced at the clock and saw I had 45 minutes until my first client.  "Sure, I'll come," I agreed.  He looked surprised, but quickly stepped out of my doorway so I could get out of my office.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked as we walked.

I snorted.  "Not at all," I replied.  "Something else entirely.  And no, I'm not going to tell you about it."

"Wasn't going to ask," he responded smoothly.  He spent the rest of the walk filling me in on how often he was seeing the client he was transferring and what they'd been working on.  When we got to the coffee shop, I ordered a large dirty chai and waited impatiently for it.  I wrinkled my nose when Josh ordered a dark roast coffee.

Our trip back to the office was uneventful.  I was happy for more caffeine, and was slowly waking up enough that I wouldn't be completely useless today.  I powered through the morning, and around 12:30 Brody came and got me.  We were going to have lunch together and then he was going to take me to get my car before I headed back to the office.

"Anywhere specific you want to go?" Brody asked when I got in his car.  I shook my head and shut my eyes, which were heavy and scratchy despite the amounts of caffeine I'd consumed.  "How long do you have?"

"My next client isn't until 2," I replied.  "So as long as you have, really."

Brody drove to one of our favorite restaurants and found a place to park.  "I'm not feeling work today, and it looks like you're not feeling anything, so we might as well take a long lunch," he said.

"Sounds great to me," I agreed.  We took our time and enjoyed our lunch before Brody brought me back to his office, where I picked up my car.  I drove back to work, getting there about 10 minutes before my next client.  The long lunch break (plus some more caffeine in the form of two large glasses of Coke) helped me recharge and I felt much better, which is good.  I hate being off my game at work, it's not really fair to my clients.

I was still relieved when my workday was over.  I decided to go to the gym to work off some of my nervous energy.  It definitely helped, and I felt a lot more relaxed after.  When I got home, I wasn't surprised to find the house empty.  I took a quick shower and made a simple dinner, then put the leftovers away in the fridge when I was done.  After cleaning up my dinner making mess, I looked around for something else to do, but the house was clean.

I read until Brody got home, then I sat with him while he ate.  We decided to go for a short walk before it got dark, and when we got back we watched TV on the couch together for a little while before we went to bed.  We were both tired from not sleeping the night before.  I was nervous that I wouldn't sleep again, or would have nightmares, but aside from restlessly waking up a few times, I slept okay.

Brody had taken Friday off work to go up to the cabin, and we'd decided to leave for the cabin Thursday evening.  That way we could start our mini vacation right away, sleep in Friday, and not have to worry about getting up to leave.  Brody said he probably wouldn't be home until 7:30 or 8, so I stopped by happy hour for about 20 minutes.  I was excited to see Kinsley and Damien there, and even more excited when they said they wanted to join our camping trip.

After I left, I stopped at the grocery store and liquor store to pick up supplies for the weekend.  Because we'd be leaving so late, nothing in the small town nearest the cabin would be open, so we had to bring everything we wanted with us.  When I got home I packed up our big cooler and then packed my bag for the weekend.  Brody got home at 8 and I heated up some leftovers for dinner while he packed, then we ate and were out the door by 8:45.

On the way, we talked wedding planning for awhile.  I listed the things we still had to do and watched the faces that Brody made.  "I'm really glad we decided on a small wedding and short engagement," he said.  "I can't even imagine how much more we'd have to do if we were doing a big wedding."

"Yeah, it hasn't been too bad so far," I replied.  "The worst part was getting all the big things lined up, and we did that right away.  Oh, speaking of getting things lined up, how's honeymoon planning going?"  Brody hadn't mentioned it since he'd volunteered to do it, and I was very curious what he was planning.

I saw him smirk even in the dark.  "Honeymoon has been planned and booked since a week after we talked about it," he answered.  "And no, I'm not telling you where we're going."

"Do I ever get to find out?" I asked.  "I mean, before we leave."

"Maybe," he replied, shrugging.

"Well I'll need to know what to pack," I pointed out.

"As little clothing as possible," he responded, grinning.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes.  "You're ridiculous."

"I'm sort of serious, actually.  I anticipate spending a lot of time on the beach.  And in bed."

"If you're lucky," I teased him.

He glanced at me and winked, which he could actually pull off without looking like an idiot.  "I usually am."

I shook my head. "So it's a beach vacation," I mused, trying to elicit another hint.  I was so bad at waiting.

"It is," he agreed.  "Don't worry, I'll make sure you know what to pack."

"I wish I hadn't even brought it up, this is going to drive me nuts," I said.

"Don't bother trying to figure it out," he replied.  "I'd be shocked if you did, and you'll ruin the fun."

I huffed out an impatient breath and made a face at him, then relaxed back into my seat.  He was probably right, and having it be a surprise was kind of fun.  

By the time we made it to the cabin, it was nearly 10:30 and it was all we could do to get our stuff inside and get things moved from the cooler to the fridge.  Brody got in the shower while I got ready for bed, and by the time he climbed into bed next to me, I was almost asleep.  Brody moved over towards me and fit his body to mine, wrapping his arm around me.  "Three whole days with nothing to do and no cell service," he murmured. "I might even sleep in tomorrow."

I laughed.  "You should, it's amazing."

"I know," he replied.  "I used to do it all the time.  I miss it."

It was a wonderfully cool night up here and Brody had opened the bedroom window.  I listened to the night sounds outside until I fell asleep.

I slept soundly all night--no nightmares, no middle of the night wake ups.  It was bright and cold in the room when I woke up.  We'd left the curtains open to let in the cool, crisp mountain air.  Next to me, Brody was still fast asleep.  I carefully got out of bed and crept into the bathroom.  When I came out, I went to the window and eased it closed as quietly as possible, then tugged the curtains shut.  The room darkened considerably, and I shivered as I got back in bed.  It was much colder in here this morning than it had been when we went to bed.  Brody stirred and smiled sleepily at me.  "Sorry," I said softly.  "It's freezing in here, I had to shut the window."

"It did get a little cold," he agreed.  "Come here."  I moved closer to him and rolled onto my side, shivering again until he pressed his warm body against mine and wrapped his arm tightly around me.  "You are cold," he commented, pressing his cheek against my cold ear.  I nodded and pulled the blanket up to my chin, already warmer.  "How'd you sleep?"

"Amazingly well," I said.  "I don't think I moved the entire night."

"Me too," he agreed.  "And it's so nice to not have to be in a hurry to get out of bed and get something accomplished.  We should do this more often.  I've hardly even used this place since I bought it."

"We should," I replied.  "Even if we just come up late on a Friday, or even just spend Saturday and Sunday."  Selfishly, I loved coming here because neither of us got cell phone reception and there was no internet, so we spent the whole weekend enjoying each other's company without distraction.

As if reading my mind, Brody said, "I'm looking forward to spending the whole weekend with you without work getting in the way."

"Thank you for taking today off so we could get away for a few days," I said, finally untucking my cold hands from under my chin and finding his hand.

Now much warmer, I fell back asleep for a little while.  When I woke again, it was to Brody's lips against my shoulder.  "Mmm," I murmured groggily as his mouth moved towards my neck.  "That feels good."  I woke up slowly as Brody's hands slid over my body and he kissed and gently sucked on my neck.  When he found the spot on my neck that made me shiver, he stayed there, changing from lightly teasing my skin with the tip of his tongue to sucking to gently biting.  I moaned softly as his hand moved between my legs, stroking me lightly over my shorts.  I quickly wiggled out of them, kicking them to the bottom of the bed.

Brody kept his mouth locked against my neck as he slowly eased into me.  We spent the next 45 minutes having the slowest, laziest, most perfectly relaxed sex, then another hour and a half laying in bed, alternating between dozing and talking about random things.  When we finally dragged ourselves out of bed, we headed straight for the shower, where we somehow managed to get clean eventually.  We didn't emerge from the bedroom until almost noon.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked Brody as we made a very late breakfast together.

"Nothing," he replied.  "I want to spend the entire day doing absolutely nothing."  

And that's what we did.  We ate our breakfast out on the deck.  It was much warmer now, and I was comfortable in yoga pants and a sweatshirt.  After breakfast, we sat on the deck for hours talking, reading, and just sitting and enjoying the sun.  We grilled salmon, veggies, and potatoes for dinner, then Brody made a fire in the fire pit while I did the breakfast and dinner dishes.  Then I grabbed a bottle of wine, and we spent the rest of the evening sharing the bottle of wine while we sat by the fire.  It was the perfect start to the weekend.

(Now) Lauren: What You Like

"Do we have to go camping?" I whine, pouting at Alex like a child.

He laughs, which makes my pout turn into a glare.  "Of course we don't have to," he replies, leaning back in his chair.  "But you want new and exciting right?"

"Camping is not what I meant," I grumble.

"Well, I want to go.  If you don't want to go, I won't be mad if you stay home."

"So you're just going to go without me?" I ask indignantly.

He nods and stands, stretching.  "Yup, unless you want to go too."  I narrow my eyes at him and he grins and says, "You don't want me rolling over for you anymore, remember?  I'm going to go take a shower."  He smacks my ass as he walks past me, stretched out on the bed on my stomach.
I sit and call after him, "I didn't mean for you to do it when camping is involved!"  When he doesn't respond, I yell a little louder, "You're a jerk that takes things out of context and uses it to your advantage!"  I hear him laugh and I glare in the direction of the bathroom door.

When he comes out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and wet hair flopping over his forehead, he looks over at me.  "Do you really not want to go?" he asks, pushing his hair back and raising an eyebrow.

"No, we can go," I relent.  "You're right, it's something different."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" he asks, smirking at me.

"We can go?" I ask, confused.

"No, after that."

I roll my eyes, catching on.  "You're right?"

"Yes!  That was hot.  Say it again!"

"Only if you lose that towel," I reply, raising an eyebrow.

He grins and pulls the towel off, dropping it on the floor.  "You're right," I repeat, letting my eyes drift down his body.  He walks over to the bed and grabs me by the ankles, yanking me closer to the edge of the bed.  I offer no resistance when he reaches for my shorts and peels them off, sliding them down my legs and discarding them.  Alex wraps his arms around my legs and pulls me all the way to the edge of the bed before kneeling on the floor in front of me and lowering his head between my legs.  He alternates between just barely flicking his tongue over me and then kissing and nibbling at my inner thighs.

When he suddenly presses his mouth to me and sucks, I gasp in surprise.  "Alex," I moan, pushing my hands into his hair.

"Hmmm?" he asks, without taking his mouth off me, causing me to shudder.

"So good," I groan, tugging on his hair.  I can't form complete sentences while he's doing that to me.

He briefly pulls his mouth away from me and demands, "Keep talking."

I freeze, because that's not something I'm used to.  Alex massages my leg and then presses a finger into of me, causing me to forget to be self-conscious.  "Oh, fuck," I groan.  "Alex, I...don't stop!"  And then I'm coming, and my fingers are twisting in his hair and my legs are clamping around his head.

He gives me a minute to catch my breath, then stands and leans over me.  He presses his body to mine and I can feel him against me.  I groan as he kisses my neck and moves against me, and he's sliding back and forth against my skin without actually entering me.  "That was hot," he whispers against my neck.  "I love when you pull my hair when you come."  I am again taken aback by this.  Aside from your standard moans and groans, neither of us are ever very vocal during sex.  He continues to slowly slide himself against me, and I whimper beneath him.  I grip his hips and try to pull him harder against me, moving my hips to try line things up.  "Do you want me inside you?" he growls against my neck.

"Yes," I breathe.  "Jesus, Alex.  Fuck me."  I feel his lips move into a smile and he finally pushes into me.  I groan and shiver, and he straightens back up, guiding one of my legs to wrap around his hip and the other up onto his shoulder.  "Yesss," I hiss, pulling him tightly against me with my leg.

He slides one hand up my leg and drags his fingertips across the bottom of my foot, which makes my toes curl involuntarily but also feels kind of amazing.  "God, you're beautiful," he says, before he twists his head down to experimentally lick and nibble at my ankle.

"Ohh, I like that," I groan, and he responds by gripping my hip harder with his other hand and continuing to suck and nip at my ankle.  Then his hand moves between my legs, and I'm done.  My back arches up and I reach desperately for something to hold onto, finally settling for handfuls of the blankets around me.  Alex lowers my leg from his shoulder and pushes me up on the bed far enough to get one knee up, then bends down to kiss me as he thrusts hard into me.   I grab desperately at his back as I feel another orgasm building.  "I'm going to come again," I pant, and he moves his mouth to my neck, sucking and nipping and making me crazy.  "Oh, Jesus, Alex, fuck!" I yelp, no longer making any sense and no longer caring if I sound ridiculous.  He finishes shortly after my third orgasm, and we're both breathless in awkward heap half on and half off the bed.

Once I catch my breath, I turn my head towards him.  He's watching me, and the look he's giving me is almost enough to make me roll him over and climb on top of him...except I'm not sure if I can move.  My legs are still dangling off the bed, and I'm thoroughly uncomfortable, but I also don't really care right now.  "Where did that come from?" I ask.

He pushes a damp piece of hair off my cheek and shrugs.  "You don't usually say things during sex.  When you did, it was hot.  You said you wanted to do different things, so I figured I'd encourage it."

"Well, it was definitely different," I agree.  I finally have enough of being uncomfortable and I struggle to sit up.  Alex moves and pulls me up, and we lay on the bed properly.  I groan as I stretch my legs out, then curl myself against Alex.

"Did you like it?" he asks.  I feel my cheeks getting warm as I consider this.  I'm a terrible adult because I'm not used to talking openly about what I like during sex.  I can easily have a conversation about getting tested and using protection (I would have gotten myself into all kinds of trouble in my pre-Alex days if I couldn't), but talking about what turns me on?  No way.  It's weird.  As he waits for me to answer, he kisses my forehead and strokes the inside of my forearm, and I sigh contentedly.

"I don't know," I admit finally.  "It was uncomfortable at first, and I felt really self-conscious.  I mean, it's not like we were even saying anything particularly filthy, but it felt weird still.  I cared less as we got more into what we were doing, though."

"It was kind of weird at first," he agrees.  "But I liked hearing what you liked and wanted."

"I think I'd be willing to try it again and see if it gets less weird," I say, almost shyly.  This conversation is painful to me but I recognize its importance; and even more than that, I'm thrilled that Alex is pushing us outside our routine and comfort zone.  As much as I want new and different things, he was right when he said I thrive on routine.  And for as much sex with as many different people as I've had, my preferences are generally pretty straightforward and simple.  I rely on other people to push me out of what's familiar and safe.  I've come to crave it and need it, but I still can't make the leap myself.  That was part of what had always drawn me to Alex--first as a friend and now as my boyfriend.  He had always pushed me and challenged me, and when he stopped doing that is when the boredom crept in.  I realize that it's not fair for me to put that all on him, but I'm trying.

I roll over onto my other side, pulling out of his arms and physically ending the uncomfortable conversation.  Alex gives me about 30 seconds, then rolls onto his side as well and loosely drapes an arm over my hip.  "Hey," he says softly.  "What's up?  And don't say 'nothing', little liar."

I laugh despite myself, because I was definitely just about to say "nothing."  "I'm just done with the conversation, I guess," I reply.  "I'm glad we talked about it though."

"Hmmm," he says skeptically, scooting closer and tightening his arm around me.  "That's all?"  He presses his face against my neck, brushing his lips across my shoulder first and making me shiver.

"That's all, I promise," I assure him.  "You know I get weird talking about that stuff."

"I know," he replies, his lips and breath tickling my neck.  "I don't get it, because you certainly don't seem to have a problem talking about sex in general."

"It's weird talking about what I like," I protest.

"Probably because most of the people you've had sex with don't care much about what you like," he points out.  I know he doesn't mean it hurtfully, but it still stings a little for some reason.  He eases the sting a little with his next comment of, "I care about what you like."

I roll further, onto my stomach and away from him.  "I don't want to talk about this anymore, Alex," I say.

"Okay," he agrees.  "I'm sorry."  He strokes the back of my neck lightly with his fingertips and I relax a little.  "Should we talk about camping instead?"

I snort and roll onto my other side so I can look at him.  "Don't push your luck, I already agreed to go.  Do you even have a tent?"

He grins.  "I have two.  I'll even bring an air mattress so you don't have to sleep on the ground, princess."

I gasp in mock outrage and yank his pillow out from under his head before smacking it against his shoulder.  "You are such a dick," I say, laughing.  "But why do you have two tents?"

"They're different," he replies.  "One is bigger and it has--"

"Yeah, I actually don't care about the differences between your tents," I cut him off.  "As long as things aren't going attack me in the middle of the night."

"Only me," he says, smacking me with the pillow then wrapping his arms around me and playfully biting my neck.  I yelp and shove him away, laughing.

"We have a weird relationship," I inform him, shaking my head.

He bursts into laughter, then says, "I'm pretty sure we have you to thank for that."

"I'm pretty sure you're goddamn lucky I love you," I retort.

His face gets serious really quickly and it makes me nervous, but he lifts his hand and brushes his fingertips across my forehead, pushing away a few strands of hair.  Then his hand lowers to rest on my jaw and neck, and he strokes my cheek with his thumb.  "I am," he agrees.  "I really am.  And I love you too."  He leans closer and kisses me, and it's a slow, soft, lingering kiss.  This is exactly what is "weird" about our relationship--going from harassing each other to being all sappy (him, not me.  I don't do sappy.) in a matter of seconds.  It's what I love the most about our relationship.

After our lips separate I scoot back over to him, snuggling against him and relaxing.  We lay in bed for awhile, alternating between talking quietly for a few minutes then laying in comfortable silence.  Finally, Alex sits up and stretches and heads downstairs to find something to eat.  I stay put, too comfortable to move.

When Alex returns, he's balancing a plate with a sandwich and two glasses of water.  He hands me a glass of water and half of the sandwich.  "I'm going to tell your friends that you make me sandwiches after sex and they're going to take away your man card," I say, smirking.

"You can give back the sandwich, then," he replies, getting back into bed next to me.

"Not a chance!" I retort, taking a big bite of it and grinning at him.  He rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his half of the sandwich to hide the grin he's fighting.  "Hey," I say, confused.  "There's no mayo on here."

He gives me a confused look.  "You don't like mayo."

"But you do."

"Yeah, I do," he agrees, still looking confused.  "There's mayo on my half."  He peels back the top piece of bread and shows me.

"You put mayo on half of the sandwich?" I ask.

"Yes," he replies, nodding.  "Because I like mayo, and you don't."

"Oh," I say.  "Thank you."

He shakes his head, then smiles.  "I told you, Laur.  I care about what you like."

"I guess you do," I agree, finally.

Tomorrow's post

I have a Lauren post almost finished for tomorrow.  It won't make it up in the morning, but I'll have it up sometime tomorrow.

A Sidewalk Confrontation

You guys know I couldn't leave you hanging for too long!

________________________________________

We wove through tables towards the back of the restaurant, looking for Ken and his friends.  I caught Ken's eye and he waved, and we headed in that direction.  Then I saw who else was sitting at the table and stopped dead.

Brody ran right into me.  "Liv?" he questioned, catching himself and stepping back.  When Jordan looked up and our eyes met, I took two quick steps back, treading on Brody's feet.  "Liv," he said again, sounding irritated this time.

Then he followed my gaze and saw Jordan.  "Let's go," he said quietly.  I was frozen, watching Jordan's face first register surprise, then melt into an evil smirk.  Ken looked up again, confused as to why we were just standing in the middle of the restaurant.  "Liv," Brody said, firmly but gently.  "Come on."  I was finally able to will my feet to move and I spun and pushed past Brody, walking to the exit as fast as I could.

The hostess looked confused when we hurried past her outside.  We walked down the sidewalk a bit and I was grateful that Brody didn't try to touch me.  I managed to at least keep all my wits about me this time.  Once we were stopped on the sidewalk, Brody pulled out his phone.  "I'm just going to let Ken know we're going home," he said.  I shifted from foot to foot, full of nervous energy.  He was in the middle of composing a text when Ken walked out of the restaurant.  He spotted us and started walking towards us, and then Jordan came out.

My stomach flipped and I nudged Brody.  He looked up and his gaze hardened immediately.  "What's going on?" Ken asked, stopping in front of us.  Brody kept his eyes on Jordan and stepped forward so he was between Jordan and I.

"Brody," I said quietly.  "We should just go."

"Long time, no see!" Jordan said cheerfully, walking up.  "Hi, Olivia."  He gave Brody a withering look.

"You guys know each other?" Ken asked, looking back and forth in confusion.

"Unfortunately we do," Brody growled.  "Because that motherfucker assaulted my fiancée."

"What?" Ken asked, looking even more confused.

Jordan laughed, and Brody took a step closer to him.  "Brody," I hissed.  Brody was not a small man by any means, but Jordan still had a few inches and probably 35 pounds on him.  Brody ignored me.

Without taking his eyes off Jordan, Brody said to Ken, "Can you get her out of here?  This asshole and I have a couple of things to talk about."

Ken looked at me questioningly, and I glared at the back of Brody's head.  "No," I said, loudly enough that Jordan looked at me.

Someone that had been sitting at the table with Jordan and Ken walked up to us.  "What's going on here?" he asked, looking from Ken to Brody to Jordan and back to Ken.

"We're apparently just having a conversation," Jordan replied smoothly.

"I want to go," I said.  The new arrival looked at me curiously.

Ken, taking advantage of the distraction, said, "Dave, you remember my brother Brody?  This is his fiancée, Olivia."  Dave said nothing, still looking between everyone in confusion.

"Jordan, do you know them?"

"Not intimately, unfortunately," Jordan replied, smiling lecherously at me.  That pushed Brody past his breaking point and he lunged and swung at Jordan.  Jordan managed to jump backwards just enough that Brody's fist barely grazed his face, and Dave and Ken were on Brody within a second, shoving him away from Jordan.

"What the fuck, man?" Dave asked, glaring at Brody.  "Throwing punches on the street?  Not cool."

"Yeah, well neither is what he did to her," Brody snarled.  "He fucking deserves it."

"Would you get the hell out of here?" Ken snapped at Jordan.

Jordan had the gall to look affronted.  "He hits me, and I get scolded and sent away?"

"Can you all knock it off?!" I exclaimed.

A random guy and his girlfriend walking past looked at me.  "Are you okay?" he asked me.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you.  Sorry."  He looked skeptical and I smiled to reassure him.  Once he left, I said, as calmly as I could, "I'm going home.  Someone call me if I need to bail someone out of jail or visit anyone in the hospital."  Then I turned on my heel and walked towards my car.

I hadn't made a full block before I heard footsteps jogging behind me.  "Liv," Brody called.  I stopped, but didn't turn.  "Look," he said when he caught up.  "I know you're pissed at me, but--"

"I'm not pissed at you," I interrupted.  "But I really want to go home.  Can we talk when we get there?"

"Okay," he agreed.  Then gently, he asked, "Are you okay to drive?"

I sighed.  "I don't know," I answered honestly.  Now that everything was diffused and he and I were both away from the situation, I was shaking as the adrenaline wore off.  I looked at him.  "Are you?"

"I will be in a couple minutes," he replied.  "If you want to drive yourself home I won't try to stop you, but if you want to ride with me, we can park your car at my office and I'll drive us both."

I agreed to ride with him, and he drove my car to his building's garage, then we moved to his SUV.  I was grateful we were close to his office.  We were quiet the whole way back except for my request to pick up food on the way.

The first thing I did when we got home was eat, and then I went and got in the shower.  I was almost done getting dressed when Brody came into the bedroom.  "I know you said you're not pissed at me, but I wish you'd talk to me," he said.

I hung my towel up and sat on the bed.  Brody sat next to me.  "I'm not pissed at you," I replied.  "This whole night was...stupid."  I couldn't come up with a better word.  "While I do wish you wouldn't have tried to punch him on the sidewalk in the middle of downtown, I understand why you did it.  I just hate that he keeps popping up.  And I wish you didn't have so much testosterone and were capable of just walking away."

"I'm not proud of the way I acted tonight," he admitted.  "But honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be capable of walking away where he's concerned.  I'd like to beat him to a bloody pulp."

"I'd hate to see what you'd do to him if he had actually hurt me," I said.

He shook his head vigorously.  "I can't even think about that," he replied fiercely.

"Thank you for your dedication to keeping me safe," I said, trying not to laugh.  This was not an appropriate time to laugh, and I wasn't sure what was funny, but I felt a strong urge to giggle.  Brody gave me a weird look, and I closed my eyes for a second and got it together.  "I'm going to go downstairs and read for a little while," I said.  He looked confused.  "I'm all wound up, I just need a little time by myself to calm down a little."

"Okay," he said.  He looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn't.  I walked down the two flights of stairs to the lower level and down the hall to my little library.  I curled up on the chaise with a blanket and worked on getting lost in my book.

I had probably been down there for about 45 minutes when there was a knock at the door.  "Come in," I called, expecting Brody.  Instead, when the door opened, Ken stuck his head in.

"Hey, I'm really sorry to barge in," he said.  "Can I talk to you for a minute?  Or could you come get me when you have a minute?"

I was curious enough that I set my book aside and sat up a little.  "Come on in, you can have more than a minute if you want."  I smiled, and he returned the smile as he came in and pushed the door mostly shut behind him.

He perched awkwardly on the edge of the papasan chair in the corner and then said, "I am really sorry about Jordan.  Brody just explained everything--well, not everything, I mean he didn't tell me any details because it's none of my business.  But I want you to know that he is not someone I'm friends with.  My friend Dave?  It's his friend's friend.  I've only met him once before tonight, and that was back when we still lived here when we were kids.  So I'm really sorry, because I didn't know--"

"Ken," I cut him off gently. "It's okay, it's not your fault.  But thank you.  I appreciate you coming down to talk to me."

He smiled uncomfortably.  "I haven't seen Brody that mad since...well, since Heather died, I guess."

"You should have seen him the night he actually punched Jordan in the face and broke his nose," I said, smirking.

Ken laughed.  "Did he really?"

"He did," I replied, nodding.

"I'm glad to see all the practice he got on his punching bag growing up did some good."  He stood up. "Well, I'll leave you alone now, thanks for hearing me out."

"Anytime," I said, smiling.  Ken smiled back, said goodnight, and left, pulling the door closed firmly behind him.

I read for about 15 more minutes before I put the book aside and stood, stretching.  I saw light coming out from under Ken's closed bedroom door down at the other end of the hallway as I headed upstairs.  I found Brody sitting on the couch in the mostly dark living room, laptop open in front of him.  He set it aside as I came into the room, and I sat down on the couch next to him.  He put his arm around me as I settled against his chest.  "Did Ken come talk to you?" he asked.  I nodded.  "He feels bad."

"I know, but he shouldn't," I replied.  "He didn't know."

"I told him that too."  We were quiet for a few minutes, then he asked, "Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?"

I snorted.  "I doubt it."

"Should we put on a movie or something?"

"Sure," I agreed.  "Something funny."

After a quick scan of his shelves full of movies, Brody put in Napoleon Dynamite, which made me roll my eyes, but it at least fit the funny bill.  We laid on the couch together watching movies until nearly 2am, when I finally fell asleep.



 

Boring

Brody went into work on Saturday, and Ken was gone for most of the day as well.  I went into town and went to the gym, then had lunch with Lauren.  "Why do you have to ruin my Labor Day weekend with camping?" she grumbled.

"It'll be fun!" I said cheerfully.  "You always had fun when you came with my family."

She rolled her eyes.  "That's because we were camping in Wisconsin where the scariest thing that exists are the mosquitos."  Despite her general "no fear" attitude, Lauren was actually quite scared of a variety of wildlife.

I laughed.  "Lauren, we're going to a state park that's practically in the city.  I don't think you need to worry too much about terrifying creatures."

"Well now you jinxed it! Damn you," she replied.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to," I pointed out.

"Well I'm certainly not going to sit home by myself while my boyfriend and all my friends go camping all weekend!" she responded indignantly.  I threw up my hands in mock frustration and laughed.

"So, your boyfriend, huh?  Things are better?"

"Things are better," she confirmed.  "We talked.  It didn't start out very well, and I put my foot in my mouth a couple times, but we talked and it's better.  For now."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged.  "I don't know.  All relationships get a routine eventually, right?  They all get boring?  What if I never outgrow my need for chasing and doing new things?"

I considered this.  "I think if you're with the right person, it doesn't have to get boring.  At least not forever.  Everyone will have boring stretches, I think.  But if you're with the right person, and you both like to keep things interesting, that makes a difference."

"Easy for you to say," she muttered.  "You like boring."

"I do not!" I protested.  "I just have a different concept of what's exciting than you do."

In true Lauren style, she abruptly changed the subject and the rest of our lunch conversation was much more pleasant.  I filled her in on wedding stuff and we talked about that for awhile, then she told me some stories about work.  We took our time and enjoyed our lunch, and then I headed home.

The house was still quiet and empty when I got there, so I took advantage of that and did some wedding stuff for awhile, then turned on my music and cleaned the house.  I cleaned the entire second floor and most of the main floor.  I was still happily cleaning away with terrible music blasting when Ken came in.  "Sorry," I said, quickly turning down my music.

"No problem, I won't be here long anyway," he said.  He went into the kitchen and pulled a few things out of the fridge.

"You're almost as busy as Brody," I joked.

"Not even close," he said.  He smiled at me briefly, then returned his attention to the sandwich he was making.  I put away my cleaning supplies and headed upstairs to get out of his way.

I decided to tackle organizing my closet, which had become rather disastrous in the last few weeks, and was still knee deep in clothes and shoes when Brody came in.  "I am so glad I don't have to share a closet with you," he said, watching me toss clothes into two separate piles.

"I have too many clothes," I grumbled.

"Well, it didn't look like quite so many when they were all hanging up where they belong," he pointed out, laughing.  He sat on the bed and continued to watch me.  I picked up a random shirt from my donate pile and chucked it at him.  He caught it easily and threw it back.  It hit me in the arm and I laughed.   "What did you do today, besides clean?  Please tell me you haven't been cleaning all day, or I'll feel bad."

"If I tell you I was cleaning all day, will you feel bad enough to finish the rest of it up?" I asked.

"No, I won't feel that bad!"

"Jerk," I said, laughing.  "No, I wasn't cleaning all day.  I went to the gym and had lunch with Lauren too.  And did some wedding stuff."

"What wedding stuff?" he asked, getting more comfortable laying on the bed on his stomach.

"Just some emailing with Leigh about annoying detail stuff--linen colors and table configurations and such."  Brody made a face.  "That's what I thought.  We do need to figure out food, though."

"Tomorrow?" he asked.  "I'm beat."

"Tomorrow is fine," I replied.  "I didn't mean we had to do it now."

I separated the last few items of clothing, then shoved the "keep" pile into my closet and closed the door.  I'd deal with that tomorrow.  I tossed the "donate" pile into the bag I'd brought up, then leaned it against my closet door.  Brody was still laying face down on the bed, and now he had his arms crossed in front of him and his head down on his arms with his eyes closed.  I climbed onto the bed and straddled his legs so I could give him a back massage.  He shifted, then sighed happily.

"Mmm, you're going to put me to sleep," he mumbled, as I worked on the tight muscles in his shoulders.  "Ohh, or maybe not," he said, as I dug my fingers into a tight knot just below his neck.

When I finished the massage, I flopped onto the bed next to him and we hung out there for almost 45 minutes, just talking and relaxing and enjoying each other's company.  We headed downstairs and made dinner together, then went and sat on the deck.  I considered this a pretty excellent Saturday, and I laughed to myself, remembering Lauren's words earlier. Brody looked at me and raised an eyebrow.  "Lauren told me I was boring today," I explained.  "But if this is boring, then I'm totally okay with it."

He laughed.  "I am too, I guess," he said.  "Honestly, I'm too busy and tired to not be boring most of the time.  Sometimes I do wish we did more exciting things, like traveled more or even went on more weekend trips, but I know we'll do those things someday when I slow down at work a little."

We continued our boring Saturday night in, then went to bed early.  Brody was exhausted from his week, and since it was always hit or miss if I slept or spent most of the night tossing and turning, I would rarely turn down the opportunity to go to bed early.

When I woke up on Sunday, Brody was already up and out of bed, which I was used to at this point.  He was not much for sleeping in most of the time, and he liked to get up and get some work done so we could have our Sunday afternoon/evening together.

When I walked downstairs, I was surprised to find that Brody had finished the cleaning I hadn't gotten to when I stopped to get out of Ken's way.  The living room was dusted and the hardwood was swept and clean and shiny.  The dishes from the night before were washed and put away and the counters and floor were clean.  I smiled and walked down the hall to Brody's office, knocking lightly on the frame of the half open door.  "Yeah?" he called from inside.

I pushed the door open and grinned at him.  "Thought you weren't going to finish the rest of the cleaning?" I teased him.

He laughed.  "No, I said I wouldn't feel that bad.  I didn't say anything about not finishing the rest."

I shook my head, smiling.  "Well, thank you.  Do you need anything?"

"More coffee?" he asked hopefully, holding out his empty coffee mug.  I grabbed the mug, went back to the kitchen, and filled it up and delivered it, then returned to the kitchen to find my own breakfast.  After I ate, I laid on the couch reading for awhile and then made myself go upstairs and finish up my closet project.

Brody came up while I was finishing in my closet and he said, "Let's be not boring today."

"Okay," I agreed.  "What would you like to do?"

"I have no idea.  Let's start by going out to lunch, and go from there?"

I laughed.  "No wonder we're boring.  But that sounds good to me."

We both showered and got ready to go, then headed into town.  We couldn't decide what we wanted to do after lunch, and neither of us was interested in doing something active like hiking--which would have normally been our go-to.  Eventually, we decided to drive up to Rocky Mountain National Park and drive through the park and maybe wander around a little.  Probably would have still qualified as "boring" in Lauren's book, but it was nice to have the uninterrupted time to talk.  We talked through a few wedding things and then talked about a bunch of really random things as we enjoyed the scenic drive.

We didn't get back home until it was dark, and Ken's car was in the driveway but the main floor of the house was dark.  He came up shortly after we came in though, and said, "I'm having dinner with some friends on Tuesday, and Dave suggested I invite you guys."

"I haven't seen Dave in ages," Brody said immediately.  "I'd love to go."  He looked at me.

"Yeah, I'll go," I agreed.

Ken nodded.  "He's bringing a couple other people I don't know too, so it will probably be a decent sized group."  He told us the details, then disappeared back downstairs.

Brody went to return a work call he'd gotten while we were out, and I headed upstairs to take a bath.  I had been relaxing in the tub for about 15 minutes when Brody came in.  "I'm glad that tub is finally being used," he said, smiling.  "Can I join you?"

"Of course," I replied.  I sat up and drained some of the water, replacing some of what I drained with fresh hot water and leaving the water level lower so we didn't flood the bathroom.  Brody quickly pulled his clothes off and carefully stepped into the tub behind me.  Once he was settled, I leaned back, getting comfortable against him.

He traced his fingers lightly up my arms, from my wrists to my shoulders, then back down.  He wove his fingers between mine and wrapped his arms around me, and I sighed and shut my eyes, enjoying just laying in the tub with him.

He made it about 30 more seconds before he dropped his lips down to my shoulder and kissed his way up my neck.  "What do you do in here by yourself for hours?" he asked.  "I'd get bored."

"Well, I don't spend hours in here," I said, laughing.  "And I relax.  Sometimes I read.  Sometimes I just lay here.  When I get bored, I get out."

"I'm bored already," he informed me.  He pulled his fingers out from between mine and slid both hands down my stomach to my hips.

"Which explains why you never used this tub before I moved in," I said, laughing.

"Mmmhmm," he replied, pressing his lips back to my neck.  "The tub is way more interesting with you in it."  He moved his hands back up my stomach and cupped my breasts, sliding his thumbs across my nipples while he nipped at my neck.  I let him have his fun (and my fun too!) for awhile, then carefully turned around and climbed into his lap, sliding down onto him.

I moved slowly and carefully, trying not to displace any of the water in the tub.  Brody's fingers dug into my slippery back and he kissed and bit along my collarbone as I swiveled my hips against his.  His hands moved down to my hips to urge me to move faster, but I continued my torturously slow pace.  "Revenge?" he asked, smirking up at me.  In response, I moved just slightly faster, pushing my hands into his hair and tugging lightly on it.  He groaned and dropped his forehead onto my shoulder and slid one hand between us, moving his thumb in circles against me.  I gripped his arms to keep my balance as I came and he followed shortly after, growling my name against my neck.

I rested my head on his shoulder, catching my breath.  He ran his fingers lightly up and down my spine and said, "I changed my mind, I love baths."  I laughed.



On Monday, Josh and I made a plan to transition our clients.  He was still being perfectly polite and pleasant, but it would take awhile before I trusted him.  Later in the afternoon I got a really bad headache.  I made it through the rest of my workday, but I canceled on Lauren and went home right after work.  When Brody got home around 8, he found me curled up in bed where I'd been since I got home, asleep.

I felt fine the next day and ended up staying at work a little later to do some paperwork.  I left in time to get to the restaurant where we were meeting Ken and his friends.  I met Brody outside and we walked in together.  "Ken texted me that they have a table near the back," he said, so we told the hostess we were meeting someone and walked into the dining area.

We wove through tables towards the back of the restaurant, looking for Ken and his friends.  I caught Ken's eye and he waved, and we headed in that direction.  Then I saw who else was sitting at the table and stopped dead.

Anything I Want

I was excited--but also nervous--to spend the afternoon with Brody's mom.  I got to the restaurant we were meeting at for lunch a little early, and I fiddled with my phone in my car for a few minutes before I went inside.  She wasn't there yet, but she arrived shortly after I did and greeted me warmly.  Once we were seated, she eagerly asked for a wedding planning update.  I showed her the dress that Lauren and Lynn had picked out and talked about the food options Brody and I had been discussing in passing.

"He doesn't really want a wedding cake, which is fine by me," I told her.  "I think we're just going to do a bunch of different desserts instead."  She shared that she had gotten her invitation and had just put her RSVP in the mail on her way here.  "I can't wait to start getting them in the mail," I confessed.  "It's kind of exciting."

Then I noticed she was wearing a pair of gorgeous diamond earrings and commented on them.  "Oh, these?" she asked, and I noticed her cheeks flush a little.  "Yes, thank you.  They're lovely, aren't they?"  That's all she said, and I wondered if they were from the man she was seeing.

After lunch we went straight to our florist appointment.  Thalia was more helpful than I could have imagined, asking all the right questions and helping me pick out what I wanted based on a few pictures I showed them.

"How about centerpieces?" the florist asked.  "Are you going to want any sort of floral arrangements for those?"

"Ummmm..." I said, looking at Thalia and shrugging.  "I hadn't really thought about it."

"I have some ideas, if you'd like to hear them," Thalia said.  I nodded and she started talking about bouquets and submerged flowers and succulents and all sorts of things.  The florist showed me some pictures and we ended up picking some things out for centerpieces in the end.

As we walked out, Thalia asked, "Were there any other wedding things you wanted to do today?"

"Well, Brody suggested I stop at the jeweler and look at wedding rings again," I said.  I looked at my watch.  "I have time, so I think I'm going to.  You're welcome to join me if you want, but if you don't want to watch me try every ring in the store on, don't feel obligated!"

"I'd love to join you," she said.

I'd forgotten that she knew Don as well, and was surprised at first when he greeted her warmly.  I noticed her cheeks flush again a little.  He quickly turned his attention to me, asking if I wanted to look at wedding bands again.  I said that I did.  As he led us to the right section, he said, "Brody called earlier with his credit card number and strict orders to take care of anything you wanted with that and not let you pay for anything."

"Of course he did," I said, laughing.  "He must have forgotten that I have one of his cards already."  Awhile back, Brody had insisted on putting my name on one of his cards as an authorized user and giving it to me.  I had yet to use it, and planned only to do so in an absolute emergency.

"I don't think he forgot," Don said, smiling.  Nope, he just knew I wouldn't use it.

But even after trying on literally every women's wedding band in the entire store, I didn't find anything that quite worked.  The best was a plain white gold band that didn't quite follow the band of my engagement ring.  "This one will work," I said, finally.

"You don't love it," Don replied, shaking his head.  "We can make you something."  He pulled a ring out that I had really liked, but it didn't fit with my engagement ring.  He pulled a pad of paper out of his pocket and started sketching, then showed me his idea of combining the designs of the one that fit best with the one I liked best, then making it fit to my ring.  He even added a couple details that I loved as well.  "What do you think?" he asked.

Even though I loved the idea, I tried to keep my face neutral, because it seemed like a lot of hoops to jump through for a piece of jewelry.  "It sounds like it would be beautiful," I admitted.  "I should talk to Brody first."

"He said anything you wanted," Don pointed out.

"I'm sure he meant anything I wanted that already existed," I countered with a laugh, even though I knew that Brody wouldn't bat an eye at me coming home and telling him I wanted a custom ring.  In fact, he'd probably be happy that Don could make what I wanted.  "You know what?  I do think I just want the plain white gold band," I decided.  As intriguing as the sketch that Don made was, I felt weird asking Brody to spend even more on a ring when I already had my amazing engagement ring.  The ring didn't matter to me nearly as much as marrying him did, and the plain band would work just fine.

"Are you sure?" Don asked.

"Yes.  Brody said anything I wanted, right?"

Don chuckled.  "He sure did.  Okay then, let's get it taken care of."

10 minutes later, Thalia and were walking out.  "Whoops, I left my purse," she said, laughing.  "How careless.  I'll be back in a second, you don't have to come back in with me."  So I waited outside for her, for almost 2 minutes--much longer than it should have taken to go grab her purse.

On my way home, I got a text from Brody saying that he would be home around dinnertime and that he'd pick food up.  I gratefully took him up on it.  I did stop at the grocery store on my way home though, to get groceries for the next week.  I arrived home around 7, and Brody and Ken were both home.  I found them sitting on the deck with beers in hand.  Brody stood to greet me with a kiss and told me he'd picked up a bottle of wine for me.  He suggested I join them while he went and got the food and a glass of wine for me, but Ken waved off his invitation to join us for dinner and said he'd grab something later, then disappeared inside.

Brody followed him, then came back a couple minutes later balancing two plates of food, a glass of wine, and another beer for himself.

"Did you have a better day?" I asked hopefully.  He certainly seemed to be in a better mood than the night before.

"It was fine," he said, shrugging.  "I did what I could, and I don't have any control over anything else.  I feel good about what I was able to fix, at least."

"That's good," I said, smiling.  He asked about my day, and I filled him in, telling him about my ring conundrum and my decision to go with the plain band.

"You could have gotten the custom one," he said.  "You still could, if you want it."

I shook my head.  "I like the plain one."  Then, smirking, I said, "I think your mom is dating Don."

Brody almost spit out his beer and quickly set the bottle down.  "Why do you think that?" he asked, once he recovered.  So I told him about the earrings, his mom blushing when I complimented them, her and Don's weird greeting, and her slipping back into the store without me for way too long to just be getting her purse.  "Wow," Brody said.  "It sure sounds like she's dating him.  That's weird."

"What's weird about it?" I asked curiously.

"I've known the guy forever," he replied, shrugging.  "He and my mom have always been friends, but it's so hard to picture them together, you know?"

"It's probably hard to picture your mom with anyone," I suggested.  He nodded and agreed.

"But," he conceded, "It's definitely better than her dating a 20 year old!"  He changed the subject and said, "I'm really sorry I haven't been around much this week, with Ken here now.  Has everything been okay?"

I hesitated.  I felt like I had to tread carefully.  I didn't want to make a big deal out of something that really wasn't, but I also really wanted to try to build a relationship with Ken if Brody wanted to give their relationship another shot.  He noticed my hesitation and said, "Tell me what's going on, Liv.  Please."

"Nothing bad," I assured him quickly.  "I just feel really awkward around him, and he clearly feels the same.  It seems like he's avoiding me, and I feel weird if I come downstairs and he's in the kitchen or something, because he usually hurries out then.  If you have any ideas how I can make him feel more welcome, I'd love to hear them."

He frowned.  "I think you're going above and beyond trying, Liv.  I hate that you feel uncomfortable in your own home, though."

"It's just weird, because I don't want him to feel like he has to avoid the main floor of the house just because I'm here." I shrugged.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Brody asked.

I shook my head and quickly answered, "No, I don't want him to feel even more uncomfortable.  Just if you have any ideas..."

"I do have an idea," he replied.  "But it's not quite what you're looking for."  I gave him a weird look and he grinned and continued.  "Let's get out of here next weekend.  We could go to the cabin, or anywhere you want.  We can have some space, he can have some space, and I can have a break from work, which I need after this week."

"That is the best idea you've ever had," I said.  "I'm in.  Oh, and speaking of getting away, I did a little interest gauging for a camping trip at happy hour yesterday, and it sounds like everyone would be in.  We should see if we can still get a group site somewhere at this point."

"Good thinking," Brody said.  We finished our dinner and lingered on the deck with our drinks for awhile longer, enjoying the summer evening.  While we were sitting there, Ken came out to let us know he was going out for the night and may or may not be back.

"Hey," Brody said as we picked up our dishes to bring inside.  I looked up at him.  "Thanks for including my mom today.  She was really excited to go with you.  It means a lot to me that you're doing so much to include my family into your life, and into our life together.  I wish your parents were closer so we could include them more--but anytime you want to visit, just say the word.  Or if you want them to visit.  They're welcome anytime, and I'm happy to fly them out here."

I smiled.  "Thank you," I replied.  "I was happy to include your mom.  She was actually incredibly helpful.  I would have left the florist really overwhelmed and probably without what I wanted if she hadn't been there to help.  I'm grateful she wanted to come!"

We quickly got our dinner mess cleaned up and settled on the couch with more drinks to look for a campsite for Labor Day weekend.  Surprisingly, we found an open group campsite at a state park not too far away.  It was in the foothills and had a lake with a beach and other water sport options, plus lots of hiking trails.  Brody went ahead and booked it while I sent an email out to our friends.

Within minutes I had an enthusiastic response from Alex with a sidenote that Lauren was also in, but was not as excited.  "I can't really picture Lauren camping at all," Brody admitted, laughing as he read the email.

"She has before," I assured him.  "I used to drag her out with my family sometimes so I had someone my age to hang out with.  My parents wouldn't let me go anywhere alone, even for a walk around the campground--"

"Shocking!" Brody interrupted.

"I know," I replied, laughing.  "So when Lauren came, we got to wander around and even sometimes go swimming on our own.  So I dragged her along as often as I could convince her."

"Poor Lauren," Brody joked.  "Forced to go camping against her will just so you could have a little freedom."

"It wasn't like that!" I said indignantly.  He cocked an eyebrow skeptically.  "Okay, well maybe it was a little like that.  But she always had fun.  That girl can put away some serious s'mores."

"Now that doesn't surprise me," Brody replied.

We put a movie on, and I grabbed a blanket because Brody loved keeping the air conditioning set at a temperature unsuitable for most humans.  When I'd protested the frigid temp, we'd compromised.  He bumped the thermostat up a couple degrees, and I strategically placed blankets around the house.  When he was traveling, I turned it up a little more and enjoyed being blanket-free in the summer, as nature intended.

Brody grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled over his lap too, then pulled me closer.  I got comfortable and settled against him, and I had to admit that the benefit of too much a/c was that it made it perfectly reasonable to cuddle even when it was 90 degrees out.  About 15 minutes into the movie, Brody's fingers found my leg and began to lightly stroke my inner thigh just above my knee.  After a few minutes, the stroking turned to gentle massaging.  I sighed and leaned my head back onto his shoulder, still watching the movie.

Every couple minutes he'd slide his fingers just a little higher and resume his gentle massage.  It took him over 15 minutes to get to the hem of my shorts, and by then I had given up on watching the movie.  I closed my eyes and moved my legs apart, but he started traveling back down towards my knee.  When I groaned in frustration, he innocently said, "You've banished us to the bedroom only, remember?"

"He's gone for the night," I replied, grabbing his hand and sliding it higher.  "He just left.  I think we're okay."

"Alright," he said, his fingers dancing along the hem of my shorts, "if you insist."   He slipped the tips of his fingers beneath the edge of my shorts, teasing me as he pushed them as high as my shorts would allow.  He continued gently massaging my leg, watching the movie as if he wasn't sitting here driving me crazy.

Finally, he moved his hand to the button and zipper of my shorts, and with impressive dexterity he undid the button and unzipped them, then slid his hand inside them, between my underwear and the denim.  He continued his languid torture, lightly pressing his fingers everywhere but where I wanted them.  When I tried to move my hips to get contact with him, he pulled them further away.  "You're a horrible tease," I groaned, adjusting to get more comfortable.

"I'm enjoying myself quite a bit," he replied.  "This is a great movie."  But he appeased me by sliding his fingers lower and gently rubbing me through my underwear.  I moaned softly and squirmed, pressing my head back against his shoulder harder.  Despite my protests, I loved the teasing, because it made everything better in the end.  When he finally slipped his hand beneath my underwear and stroked my bare flesh, I gasped and gripped his forearm.  It took all of 10 seconds before I came, arching my back and pressing myself against his hand.  He kept his hand still against me until I stopped shaking, then slid it up and resumed gently massaging everywhere else.  He dropped his head down and nibbled lightly on the edge of my ear, then said softly, "I think we should turn this movie off and go upstairs."

He didn't have to ask me twice.

Defeated

I just got a ton of writing done, and this post is a little shorter than usual.  I think it makes a great bonus then!  Plus we have not had much Brody and Liv lately.  Enjoy :)
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I didn't see much of Brody or Ken for a good portion of the week.  Ken stuck mostly to the lower level of the house.  On Wednesday, I invited him up to have dinner with me.  He declined politely, leaving me to eat by myself.  I put the leftovers in the fridge for Brody, then went upstairs to relax in the bathtub for awhile.  When I got out of the tub, I heard voices downstairs, and I pulled on a pair of a shorts and a t-shirt and wandered down to find Brody and Ken laughing in the kitchen.  Brody was heating up the food I'd put in the fridge for him while Ken was making himself a sandwich.  Even though I knew it was irrational, I was a little disappointed that Ken would happily join Brody but not me.

"Hey, Liv," Brody said as I walked into the kitchen.  I greeted both of them.  Brody looked exhausted, but still grinned at me as I jumped up onto the counter next to where he was standing and eating.  Ken stuck around for about 90 more seconds then said goodnight and took his sandwich downstairs.

I tried not to take it personally and said, "How was your day?"

"Better now that I'm home," he replied, putting his plate in the sink and coming to stand in between my knees.  When I was sitting on the counter, we were almost eye to eye.  "How was yours?"

"Better now that you're home," I said, grinning at him.  He laughed, which quickly turned to a yawn, then kissed me lightly.

"Don't get too excited about it," he warned me.  "All I want to do is go to bed.  And sleep."

"I don't blame you," I replied.  "And that's fine with me!"

We headed upstairs and I let Brody have the bathroom to get ready for bed first.  By the time I was done washing my face and brushing my teeth, Brody was already sprawled face down under the blankets.  I almost laughed.  He looked like an exhausted little kid that had just sort of tumbled into bed and gotten covered up with a blanket by his parents.  He stirred when I got into bed and scooted over a little, throwing his arm over mine.

"Comfy?" I asked.

"Mmmmm."

I laughed softly.  "Goodnight, I love you."

"Love you too," he mumbled, his voice seriously muffled by the pillow.  I chuckled again and got comfortable.


I was making some phone calls at work the next day when Josh came in and made himself comfortable in the armchair in the corner.  I finished one phone call, then immediately dialed the next.  When I was done leaving a message, I hung up and looked up at him expectantly.

"Where have you been?" he asked pleasantly.  "I feel like I've hardly seen you."

That's because I've been avoiding you.  "I don't know," I said, keeping my voice polite.  "I've been here.  I've been busy, lots of client appointments."

"That's kind of why I'm here," he replied.  I looked at him, confused.  "I have a client I need to refer out.  I thought you'd be a really good fit for her."

"I'm full right now, but thanks for thinking of me," I responded.  I started to turn back to my computer, thinking we were done, but he kept talking.

"Well, Kelly said you had a client you wanted to transfer to a male therapist," he said.  That was true.  I had a teenage boy I'd been seeing for about a month that I thought would work better with a male therapist.  I had been planning to transfer him when I reduced my hours, then ended up unexpectedly closing with another client that was moving.  "We could switch."

"We could," I agreed hesitantly.  I didn't trust Josh, but from everything I heard, he was a great therapist.  "Let me talk to Kelly."

"Sure," he said, easily agreeing.  He stood up and walked to the door, then paused, turning back around.  He leaned against the doorframe and said, "Look, I've been kind of a dick to you, and I'm sorry.  I had some shitty stuff happening in my life and I took it out on you.  Not that it makes it okay, or anything."

Not really sure how to respond, I just thanked him.  He nodded and walked out.  I was surprised by his apology, but it didn't do much to change my lack of trust in him.  When I got a break later in the day, I went to Kelly's office and we talked about switching our clients.  In the end, we decided it was what was most clinically appropriate for both clients and she gave me the go ahead to arrange the transition with Josh.  He was gone for the day, so I didn't get another chance to talk to him about it.

After work, I headed out to happy hour, relieved to see Lauren and Alex both there, and looking perfectly friendly.  I greeted them and went to get a drink.  By the time I came back, Christian and Kendra were there.  It was almost like our old happy hours, we were just missing Brody and Kinsley.  "Any updates on the roommate situation?" Lauren asked.  "Any more...interruptions?"  She dissolved into laughter as my face turned bright red, then of course she relayed the story to the group, despite my protests.

"Sometimes I hate you," I grumbled.  "But no, no more interruptions.  I don't know, things are weird.  He's avoiding me, I think.  I'm trying really hard to be nice because I want us to be friendly, but it seems like he's not even interested in it, which kind of sucks.  Brody has been really busy this week, so Ken just hangs out downstairs and awkwardly greets me then hurries away if we happen to run into each other."

"Is it weird because Brody hasn't been around and you guys don't really know each other?" Kendra suggested.

"Well, yeah," I agreed.  "I just don't know how to make it better.  It kind of sucks to feel uncomfortable in your own home, and I want him to be more comfortable too."

"It'll happen," Kendra said kindly.  "Don't worry too much."

Brody got home shortly after I did.  There was no sign of Ken.  Brody looked agitated, and I greeted him carefully.

"Hi," he responded shortly.

"Shitty day?" I asked gently.

"Yes."  He grabbed some juice out of the fridge, poured himself a glass, then shoved the juice back in.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No."  Even though his responses were short, his tone was fairly calm, but this was still not like him.  He must have had a very shitty day, because he was never this cranky.  I stepped out of his path so he could walk out of the kitchen.  He paused in the doorway and turned.  "I need to do some more work.  I'm sorry.  I'll probably be to bed late."  He started to walk out then stopped again, came back to me, and kissed me lightly.  "I love you."

"I love you too.  Let me know if you need anything."  He nodded and left the kitchen for real this time, disappearing down the hall to his office.  I went into the living room and turned the TV on, mindlessly flipping through the channels for awhile.

Brody still hadn't reappeared by the time I went to bed.  I woke up when he climbed into bed about an hour later, and he apologized when I rolled over.  "It's okay, I don't have to be up early."

"You're going to the florist with my mom tomorrow, aren't you?" Brody asked.  I confirmed that, and he said, "If you have time, you should stop at the jeweler and look at rings again.  Maybe you'll find something if you're not rushed like we were last time."

"I could do that," I agreed.  "Your day must have been really bad," I ventured.

He sighed and pressed his face against my hair, and I felt him nod.  "It was.  Neil fucked something up big time, and I have an angry client, an angry agent, and an angry attorney after me for it."

"Yikes," I said, understanding his earlier mood.  "Can you fix it?"

"I'm going to lose the client either way," he said, sounding defeated.  "But I think I can minimize the collateral damage at least."

"I'm sorry, baby," I said, winding my fingers between his and squeezing gently.

"People make mistakes, it's the nature of business," he said.  "It just sucks."

He got quiet and I fell asleep a little while later.  When I woke up in the middle of the night, he was gone.  I assumed he couldn't sleep and was up working.  I woke up again when his alarm went off, and realized that he must have come back to bed at some point, because he was sitting up on the side of the bed.  When he got in the shower, I looked at my phone and saw that it was a little after 5.

I decided to get up and make coffee and breakfast for Brody, in hopes to at least start his day out decently.  I was in the kitchen frying an egg for a breakfast sandwich when the front door opened.  Confused, I turned and saw Ken coming in.  He looked about as surprised as I had been when he'd walked in on Brody and I.  "Oh, uh, hey..." he said, awkwardly.

"Good morning," I replied, trying to pretend that there was nothing remotely odd about this.  He looked like he had had a good night.  "I'm making breakfast, do you want something?"

"Um...yeah, whatever you're making is fine, thanks."  He paused.  "Is there coffee?"

"There is," I replied, getting a mug out.  I poured him a cup and he took it gratefully.

"Thanks," he said, smiling a little.  "I'll be back in a few minutes."  He headed downstairs, presumably to shower and change.

Brody came down right as I was putting the breakfast sandwiches together.  He looked like he hadn't slept at all.  Despite that, he still managed a sleepy smile when I handed him his breakfast.  "You're the best," he said.  "You didn't need to get up for me."

"I wanted to," I said, pouring him a cup of coffee.

He took out two plates and motioned to the table.  "If you can get up before dawn for me, the least I can do is eat with you."  We had just sat down when Ken reemerged from the lower level, showered, shaved, and dressed.

"Hey man," Brody greeted him.  "What time did you get in last night?"

Ken looked at me, and I tried not to laugh.  "Um, about 20 minutes ago," he said, sheepishly.  Brody laughed and shook his head as Ken grabbed a plate and a breakfast sandwich and his cup of coffee.  He joined us at the table and I smiled at him.  He returned my smile briefly and then proceeded to ignore me the rest of the time we were eating.  I felt a little defeated in my efforts to be friendly and form a solid relationship with him, but I kept my mouth shut.

When we were done eating, I shooed the guys out the door and cleaned up, then went back up to bed to lay down for a little while longer.  I didn't fall back to sleep, but I didn't mind relaxing in the comfortable bed with my Kindle one bit.  Then I got up, showered, did my hair and makeup, and got dressed, and was ready to go meet Brody's mom for lunch and wedding stuff.

Update

Hi all!  I apologize for not being able to get another main storyline post up this week.  I'm working on next week's and do plan to have two main storyline posts for my Brody and Liv and fans.  Poor Liv and Brody have been terribly neglected lately.  There will be more Lauren, as well.

I also wanted to provide an update on the impending end of Brody and Liv's story, because I was fairly vague in my announcement.  I just wrapped up the rough draft of the final post (I've never written linearly.  I knew what I wanted to write, so I wrote it, even though I have quite a bit in between to write still!), and I'm sending it off to a good friend (and reader) who has agreed to read it for me and help me make sure it's as accurate, realistic, and awesome as possible.  I want to be sure I'm giving Brody and Liv the ending that they (and you guys!) deserve.

With that said, we're looking at mid to late October for the ending of Brody and Liv's storyline.  I'm going to do my best to tie up any loose ends between now and then...hopefully I don't miss any!  I plan to continue with Lauren and Kinsley's storylines as long as I have stuff to write and the energy to do it.

Let me know if there's anything you want to see or hear about in the last couple months of Brody and Liv's story and as always, I will do my best to include it if it fits!

(Now) Lauren: Relief

Alex and I freeze each other out for the rest of the weekend.  We've only seriously argued once before, and that was when he wanted to make our relationship "official" and I freaked out.  We fought ugly and dirty then too.  This time, I can't do a thing about it until my mom leaves.  Then, by the time I drop her off at the airport, I'm so angry that I haven't heard from him that I don't even want to see him.  I make plans with Liv for that evening so I'm not tempted to give in and call him.  I broke the last stalemate.  I'm not doing it this time.

By lunch on Tuesday, my resolve is gone.  Seeing Logan only solidified how wrong I was.  I avoid him for as much time as I possibly can, and sneak out of the building at lunch.  I pull my phone out to call Alex, ready to end this stupid cold war by apologizing.  To my surprise, I have a text from him.  It says, "I miss you, Laur.  Call me when you're ready to talk about everything.  I love you."

He sent it at about 10:30 this morning.  I had been so busy this morning that I hadn't even looked at me phone.  I call him and wait while it rings, anxious that he's changed his mind and won't answer.  "Lauren," he says when he picks up.  It's not much of a greeting, but he sounds relieved, and I am too.

"Hi," I reply.  "I had just made up my mind to call you, and I saw that you texted."

"I'm glad you did," he says.  Then we're both silent, neither of us knowing where to start.  Finally, I suggest we get together tonight after work, and he agrees.  I hang up feeling anxious and dreading the rest of the afternoon.

When I get back to the office after lunch, I find Logan loitering outside the building.  "You went to lunch without me," he says, pretending to be hurt.

"Yes, well, your text on Friday got me in trouble," I snap back.  Logan raises his eyebrows, and I sigh.  "Actually, I got me in trouble.  I can't do this anymore.  I love him, and I've been an idiot.  Our relationship needs to be strictly professional, Logan."

He snorts.  "Okay, sure.  But if your boyfriend feels like a little harmless flirting is a threat to his relationship, he's got bigger problems on his hands.  Let me know if you change your mind."  He flashes a cocky grin at me and walks away, clearly irritated by my resolution.  That's fine.  Let him be irritated...he's less likely to try to keep flirting with you then.  We both know our flirting was far from harmless.  We'd crossed the line from "harmless" flirting to the kind that you wouldn't dream of doing in front of your significant other (or anyone that knows your significant other or knows you have one) after his third day on the job.

I'm distracted the rest of the day, worried about how things will go with Alex tonight.  I barely get all the work done that I need to, but I manage to finish everything up at the last second.  I get home with enough time to shower before Alex comes over, and I'm glad, because the shower helps calm my nerves.

He rings the doorbell and I pull open the door and we both just stand there looking at each other for several seconds before he steps forwards and pulls me into a fierce hug.  I slump against him, wrapping my arms around his waist and grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt.  I turn my head to the side and say, "I'm sorry," at the same time he says, "I missed you."  Then I say, "I missed you too," while he says "I'm sorry too."  We both laugh and stay twisted together for nearly 30 more seconds before reluctantly drawing apart.

Alex steps inside and shuts the door behind himself.  I watch him as he takes his shoes off, then he grabs my hand and pulls me over to the couch.  I study his face, and I see the worry that has been ever-present lately in his eyes.  "I want to talk about everything," he says.

"Everything?" I parrot.

"Everything," he confirms.  He sees my hesitation and continues, "Lauren, I know something is going on.  If you tell me there's nothing happening with that guy you work with, I believe it...but I know there's something and I really want you to tell me what it is."  His eyes are trained on mine and I know I'm not getting out of this without laying everything out on the table.

"Nothing is happening with Logan," I assure him.  "We were doing a lot of flirting, and it shouldn't have happened, and I'm sorry. It never went past flirting though, and when I saw him at work today, I told him that our relationship needed to be strictly professional."  He nods, and now he looks relieved.  I feel terrible that I was so careless with our relationship and his feelings and trust.  He waits for me to tell him what is going on, and I'm searching my brain for the right way to say it, and cursing myself for not figuring out what I was going to say before this morning.  "I'm bored," I blurt.  Fuck.  I meant to say it a little better than that.

His face changes instantly.  "Bored?" he repeats, looking both surprised and irritated.  "So...what do you need to be less bored?  A threesome?  Sex in public?  I can spank you, if you want."  His words drip with sarcasm, and I'm a lot more upset by it by than I expect.  Clearly, he is too.

"No," I say, desperate to fix what my impulsive mouth just fucked up.  I realize, in that instant, that losing Alex is perfectly terrifying.  "Not like that...I..."  I stutter and trail off, searching for the right way to say it.

"Oh, so you're not bored in bed, you're bored with me.  That's much better."  I've really fucked up.  He is pissed.  Worse than that, hurt.

"No, Alex!" I exclaim.  "Please, just give me a minute to put my thoughts together coherently so I don't fuck it up even worse."

"Take all the time you need.  I'll try not to get too bored while I wait."  He sits back, leaning against the back of the couch and crossing his arms.  I stare at him.  Even with as unfair as we tend to fight, I have never seen him like this.  I didn't even realize he was capable of being such an asshole.  My eyes start to burn and I blink furiously.  Alex shuts his eyes and rubs his hand over his face.  "Lauren," he says, and the sarcasm is gone.  "I'm sorry.  That was shitty."

"Yeah, it kind of was," I say, before I can stop myself.  I frown. "But I'm not doing much better, I guess."

"You're just making me nervous," he admits.  "With how weird you've been lately I've been worried about this happening.  I've managed to imagine just about every possible thing that could be wrong, and this was one of the things I thought about.  It sucks to hear you say it out loud."

"I love you Alex, and I want to figure this out," I say and the relief is back.  "Can I have 10 minutes to collect my thoughts so we can talk about this without me putting my foot in my mouth again?"  He nods and I stand and go into the kitchen.  I turn on the water and start washing dishes; I always think better when I'm busy.

But my 10 minutes does little more than make me even more nervous.  I still have no idea how I'm going to tell Alex what I'm feeling without hurting him any more than I already had.  I'm nervous enough that I'm shaking and starting to sweat a little when I sit back down.  Alex turns off the TV, which he had turned on while I was in the kitchen, and looks at me expectantly.  I stare back at him helplessly.  I want to kick myself, because I am seriously annoying myself with this shit.

"Laur," Alex says gently, taking one of my trembling hands between both of his and squeezing gently.  "Just get it all out here.  I can take it."

I close my eyes and shake my head slightly, mad at myself for making him think that this was all on him.  "No," I protest.  "I mean, it's my shit, not something you've done.  I just don't really know how to explain it."

I can tell that he's getting sort of frustrated, and I don't blame him.  "Try," he replies, his voice firm.

I nod, take a deep breath, and say, "I'm not used to this whole monogamy thing, and it's hard.  I don't mean it's hard like I want to go out and have sex with other guys, because I most certainly don't.  I love you.  I want to be with you.  But I'm definitely not used to everything being so...easy, for lack of a better word.  And I do miss the chase, and the excitement of pursuing someone new.  And I don't actually know, but I can make a reasonable guess that that's probably pretty normal in relationships, but I've spent so much of my life being able to have that whenever I want, so it's hard for me to get used to.  That's why I started flirting with Logan.  I didn't mean for it to become anything, it just was satisfying my need to have that pursuit."  I glance up at Alex and quickly add, "Which I have now realized was not a good way to satisfy that need."

Alex nods.  He's silent for several seconds, processing.  Then he says, "So I don't really understand how that relates to how weird you've been lately."

I frown, trying to figure out how to articulate it.  "I think I was misplacing my feelings and they came out as irritation at you," I say finally.  "I'm sorry."

"So what do we do to fix it?" he asks.

"I don't know," I reply miserably.  Here I have a man who is willing to help me fix my own damn weird things, and I don't even know what I need from him.  He doesn't say anything, just waits for me to come up with something.  "Well, I mean maybe if things were a little less routine?  I feel like we always eat at the same places and do the same things and I don't do well with routine."

He bursts into laughter, and I glare at him.  "I'm sorry," he says once he catches his breath.  "Lauren, you thrive on routine.  You almost killed me when I interrupted your morning routine and you had to do your hair before you brushed your teeth."

"That's daily routine, that's different!" I argue.  "I mean like routine in life.  You know I don't like to do the same thing over and over."  Alex is still trying to fight his laughter and now I'm getting annoyed.  "Never mind," I grumble.

"No, hey," he responds, getting it under control.  "I'm sorry.  Look, that's fine.  We can do that."

"That's another thing!" I exclaim.  He gives me a weird look.  "You agree with everything I say.  I hate it.  You don't ever challenge me anymore.  I miss that."

He frowns.  "Every time I challenge you we argue.  You were pissed when I called you on the Kinsley stuff a couple weeks ago.  I stopped because it's easier not to."

"I like that though," I say.  "I'm not seriously arguing with you when we do that--like, I'm not upset.  But I like knowing what you think and when you don't agree with me.  It keeps things interesting.  I did get mad about the Kinsley thing, but that's because I wasn't judging her.  I was..." I stop, not wanting to finish that thought.

"You were wishing you were her?" he asks drily.

"Yes," I whisper, looking down.  I feel vaguely sick to my stomach.

"Lauren, it's almost impossible for me to tell when you're arguing for fun or when you're arguing because you're serious and you're upset.  I can try to stop agreeing with everything you say, but I need you to not react quite so aggressively.  Things are different now that we're together.  There are feelings, and it's harder to just debate without it getting ugly and getting real."

"Oh," I say.  I hadn't thought about that.  I hadn't realized he was having a hard time with that.  "Well why didn't you tell me that?" I ask.  "Probably because you didn't want to piss me off," I finish for him after a beat.

"Exactly," he replies.  "You're a little..." he trails off, like he's trying to think of the right word.

"Bitchy?" I supply helpfully.

He laughs.  "Let's go with temperamental."

"I like bitchy better."

"I don't.  You can be temperamental, and as awesome as being with you is for me, it's also a little scary.  I've been waiting so long for it, and knowing that I could lose you in a second is hard.  Especially because I'd have to then watch you do whatever you did after that."

I frown.  "Do you really think I could just walk away and be good?"

"For the last month, yes...I've worried about that.  Lauren, I don't know how you feel half the time unless you're pissed off.  Especially these last few weeks.  It was fine until you started getting really weird and wouldn't talk to me.  I need you to realize that you've got me and you're not going to scare me away by talking to me about things you're not happy with and how you feel.  But when you refuse to talk to me, I jump to the worst in my head, and then I get all freaked out and you're still unhappy, and then this happens."

"I knew you were worried," I admit, "but I guess I didn't realize you were that worried.  I'm sorry."

He smiles wryly.  "Look, we can both sit here and apologize all night, but I think we're good on apologies now--unless I have something to apologize for that you haven't told me yet."  I shake my head.  "Good.  Is there more we should talk about?  I think I've said all the things I needed to."

"I'm good," I say softly.  "I mean, aside from wishing I would have talked to you sooner."

He nods.  "I wish I had talked to you sooner too.  I think if I had told you how much you were freaking me out, that might have helped."

I exhale a long breath I didn't know I was holding, and the room tilts a little.  "Lauren?" Alex asks gently.

"I'm okay," I say quickly, but wonder if I am.  I'm still shaking (or maybe shaking again?) and I'm a little dizzy.  "Um, actually, I can't remember the last time I ate anything.  I think I probably should eat."  I try to remember if I'd had breakfast, because I know I didn't have lunch.  Alex walks into the kitchen and brings me a banana, then goes back and rattles around in there some more.  When he returns, he hands me a sandwich.  "When your boyfriend goes to the kitchen and makes you a sandwich, you keep him," I joke.

"Shut up," he says, laughing.  "And eat your damn sandwich before you pass out on me."  So I eat my sandwich, feeling a bit stupid and dramatic, but also relieved.  The worried look is gone from Alex's eyes, and relief has replaced it.  I eat most of my sandwich and give the rest to Alex.  I feel better already.

Alex gets up and takes my plate and banana peel into the kitchen.  When he comes back, I stand and hug him.  He wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly against him, and I sigh.  "Thank you for hearing what I had to say," I say.

"I missed you," he replies.  "You haven't really been here for a few weeks.  This feels better."

"It does," I agree.  "Are you staying with me tonight?"

"I was planning on it."

"Good," I respond, smiling.

(Now) Lauren: Smooth

Well, I didn't mean for this to post today, but it looks like I chose the wrong date and the scheduling thing actually worked, ha. So enjoy your unplanned bonus. I guarantee at least one more posts later this week, but I'll shoot for two!
_____________________

I start skipping happy hours.  I can't stand to watch Kinsley running around, hitting on everything with a dick.  She and Liv think I'm judging her, but the truth is that this is the closest I've ever been to being jealous of anyone in my life.  We used to do that shit together, and now I have to watch her do it while I'm stuck in my boring relationship with a man I love and don't want to lose.  I can't quite reconcile my conflicting feelings of wanting to be right next to her, flirting with anyone that might buy us a drink, and wishing I was instead at home on the couch with Alex, being happy and satisfied in our little bubble of monogamy.   So I think it's easier if I just don't go.

I know that I also owe Kinsley an apology, but I just can't yet.  That's a terrible reason to put it off, but I don't feel like I can explain myself and without that, I'm not sure the apology will sound sincere.  So instead, I avoid going anywhere she might be, like the excellently mature adult that I am.

I'm really looking forward to my mom visiting, and I'm hoping it will mean a weekend off from thinking about all of this.  I took Friday off work and pick my mom up from the airport in the late morning.  Even though I just saw her a couple weeks ago, I'm so excited to see her again.  It was like I'd forgotten how close we used to be until I saw her over the 4th.  Now I miss her even more than I had.

"You should just move out here," I tell her, for probably the thousandth time.  It's true though.  Both of her kids live out here, plus her grandchild.  If that's not a good reason to move, I don't know what is!

"You know I'd love to someday, sweetheart," she replies.  "But you also know there's no one else to take care of your grandfather."  My grandpa refuses to move to an assisted living facility or nursing home, so instead he lives with a friend and the friend's middle-aged son.  None of the three of them drive, so my mom spends a lot of time taking my grandpa to appointments and on errands.

"I know," I acknowledge.

"So what's the plan for the weekend?" my mom asks.

I think for a second, then say, "Dinner with Amanda, Casey, and Evan tonight."  I'm excited--I haven't seen my niece Casey in too long.  I make a mental note to make more of an effort to see my sister and her family outside of special occasions.  They're so busy that it's hard, but it's always worth it.

"Tomorrow we have a late lunch planned with Liv, but outside that I don't have anything planned yet.  We can do whatever you want.  Amanda wanted to go to the zoo on Sunday with you and Casey, and I'm bowing out of that one, but I was thinking you and I could do dinner in at my house on Sunday evening.  You'll be spending Sunday night with me, right?"  My mom was planning to spend Friday and Saturday night at Amanda's house, because she simply has more room (and also my mom's only grandchild!), and then Sunday night with me.  I have Monday off work again, and her flight out is in the late afternoon, so we'll have all of Monday morning to spend together too.

We stop at my house first, and I give her the tour.  We walk to a nearby cafe for lunch, and I ask my mom about her boyfriend.  It's hard for me to even say that word, because I've never known my mom as anything but single.  When she talks about him, though, I can see how happy she is, and I'm happy for her.

"How about your boyfriend?" she asks me.  "Will I get to see him this weekend?"

"Probably tomorrow," I say noncommittally.  "He's been really busy."  Again with the lying.  All the lying.

"Oh, really?" my mom asks, sounding skeptical.

"Yes," I say firmly.  I gently steer the conversation into more neutral topics: my job, her job, Liv's wedding, real estate costs in Denver.  After lunch, we drop off her stuff at Amanda's house and play tourist for a little while.  For having two daughters out here, my mom has spent very little time out here and seen very little of the city.

After dinner on Friday, I head to Alex's house.  It's been a few days since I've seen him.  That in itself isn't weird for us.  It happens occasionally.  But what is weird is that we've had little contact during that time.  I find that I'm anxious and excited to see him, and I wonder if that's all we need--just a little less "us time".  Maybe I'm not actually bored, but just need a little more time to myself to do "me things."  I roll that idea around in my head as I drive, and decide that that feels like a good hypothesis.  Then I immediately start to wonder if that's a normal thing to want.  What would I do in the event I got married?  Maybe I can talk my future husband into living in side-by-side townhouses so I can always have plenty of space to myself.  Or, maybe I'm just not cut out to get married--a thought that isn't new to me.

By the time I pull up in front of Alex's house, my thoughts are a jumbled mess, and I understand the panic that used to hit Liv every time she tried to think about the future.  The future is a scary fucking place.  I sit in my car for a minute and take a couple deep breaths to try to calm myself down, and promptly decide that taking deep breaths is a bullshit way to try to calm down.  Doesn't work.  But by the time I knock lightly on Alex's door, I'm feeling a little better.

When he opens the door, the feeling of being happy to see him comes back, and I hug him.  "Well, hello," he says, chuckling at my enthusiastic greeting.  "You could have just come in, you know."

"I know," I say.  "But this was better."  He looks at me, and though he's smiling, he's got that worried look in his eyes again.  Alex's eyes are so expressive--even when the rest of his face is perfectly neutral, I can read his feelings in his eyes.  The few times I haven't been able to have been completely unnerving.  The worry I read there now immediately puts a damper on my mood.  "What?" I ask, unable to help myself.

"Nothing," he says, shaking his head.  "I'm happy to see you."  My stomach clenches.  What happened to make us both so hesitant to talk about how we're really feeling?  As soon as the question flits through my head, I know the answer to it.  Talking about what's going on might mean losing what we have.  Avoidance is clearly the best tactic.

We both loosen up fairly quickly, though.  Soon everything feels like it had before my boredom started worming its way in, permeating the comfortable bond we'd formed.  I'm laying on the couch with my head in his lap (the closest I get to cuddling any time that's not immediately following sex) while we watch a movie when I hear my phone ping on the end table next to him.  I sit up and say, "Sorry, can you hand it here?  I'll turn the sound off."  He reaches for it and starts to hand it to me, but his eyes fall to the text preview that popped up on my iPhone's screen.  He clenches his teeth and then cuts his eyes at me.

"What?" I ask.  "I'm sorry.  I said I'd turn it down."

"Maybe you should read the text you just got," he says softly.  The screen is dark again by the time the phone is in my hand, but as soon as I hit the home button and see the text I received, I understand why Alex is upset.  Sitting there in the middle of my screen is a text from Logan that says, "Get rid of that boyfriend yet?" I drop the phone and my heart sinks.  I know I'm in trouble.

I thought that by telling Logan I had a boyfriend, I was avoiding trouble.  Turns out he has a girlfriend as well, back in Arizona--which is where he moved from.  I thought we were safe.  But all it did was making everything a little more risky, a little more dangerous, and a little more fun.  Nothing had happened between us besides a few lunches at work, some flirtatious banter, or "accidental" physical contact a few times, but this text certainly suggests otherwise.

"Alex..." I start, desperately fumbling for something to say to make it better.  He's sitting and staring at me, silently, and he looks hurt, confused, and angry.  I don't blame him one bit.  Words aren't coming to me, and I sit pathetically, my eyes pleading with him to understand.

When I don't say more, he grabs the phone from my lap, holding it between his fingertips like it's hot.  "Who is," he asks, pausing to turn the screen back on, "Logan?"

"A new person at work," I say miserably.  Not coming up with anything else, I launch into an explanation of how we came to be texting each other.  "He started on a day when our boss was in meetings all day, so he dumped him on me.  I ended up doing most of his training and he's new in town too.  So we did a lot of talking.  He doesn't really know anyone in town."  I watch his eyes as I talk, and I'm clearly not doing anything to reassure Alex.  "He has a girlfriend," I finish weakly.

Alex narrows his eyes and says, "Good for him."  I cringe.  "So what's going on with you two, then?" he asks, his voice impressively calm.  His eyes give him away, though.

"Nothing," I say, too quickly.  "I mean, I'm not cheating on you."  Smooth, Laur.  So smooth.

"How reassuring," Alex replies, and his calm facade is starting to crack.  I recognize the defensive sarcasm because it's familiar to me.  I would have said the exact same thing if our positions were reversed.

"Alex," I say again.  "Come on.  Okay, we've gotten a little flirty, and that text that he sent is totally inappropriate.  It's a joke, because I asked him if his girlfriend was tired of the long distance thing and had gotten rid of him yet...but it's an inappropriate joke, and I know it looks really bad."  I'm getting really desperate now, and I'm scrambling for things to say to somehow make this okay.  In the back of my head, I know those things don't exist, because there's nothing that would make this situation okay.  I've fucked up, and I know it.

He doesn't say anything for a long time, and then, "You know, one of the hardest things about being in a relationship with you after we've been friends for so long is the extensive knowledge I have of your...past."  I open my mouth to defend myself--who the fuck does he think he is, bringing up my past right now?  But he holds up a hand, silently asking me to let him finish.  I press my lips together and sit, fighting back my anger.  "I knew I'd have to let it all stay in the past and I've done that.  You've never given me a reason not to leave it behind.  But I don't like this--" he motions vaguely to my phone, where he'd set it down between us, "at all."

"Well, I don't like the condescending way you're talking to me right now," I snap back.

"Really?" he replies sarcastically, and he's starting to raise his voice.  "I'm trying not to be pissed at you right now but this whole situation is kind of fucked, don't you think?"  I glare at him silently.  "I mean, you've been weird for weeks, and you won't tell me what's going on.  Now you get a text from some new guy at work, asking you if you've gotten rid of me yet.  Lauren, what am I supposed to think here?  I'm trying not to be angry, and I'm trying to hear you out, but to be honest, nothing you've said so far is terribly reassuring, and I'm pissed."

I know he's right, and I know I shouldn't have been flirting with Logan in the first place, but it doesn't stop me from being pissed off that he doesn't believe me.  "Well, if you don't believe me, then maybe I should go," I say.  I grit my teeth and stare him down, silently challenging him to stop me.  But he doesn't say anything.  We're both so stubborn and neither of us is fighting fair, though Alex is far more justified than I am right now.  I grab my phone, stand, and walk towards the door, silently willing him to stop me.  But he doesn't, so I turn and spit out, "Don't bother with tomorrow either, then."  And then I force myself out the door and down the sidewalk to my car.  I sit there for nearly a minute, hoping he'll come after me, or call, or something, but I know he won't.  He's too fucking stubborn.

But so am I, so I start my car and drive home.