Lauren: The Accident

"What?" I ask, sure that I didn't hear her right.

"I don't know the details," Liv says gently.  "All I know is that Alex had an accident and is in the hospital.  Let's go pack a bag for you."  Liv gently nudges me in the direction of the stairs and I dutifully walk up with her trailing behind me.

When I get to my room, I sit down on the bed.  "But how do you know?" I ask, still confused.

She must realize I'm not going to be helpful, because she roots in my closet for my overnight bag.  Once she finds it, she pulls a couple things off hangers and begins to pack for me.  "Brody called me," she replies.  "He thought the news would be better coming from me than him."  She digs in my drawers and drops a few more things into the bag.  Then she carries it into the bathroom.  When she emerges a minute later, she says, "Anything you want to bring I might not have grabbed?"  I shake my head silently and follow Liv out of the room and down the stairs.

"But he's okay, right?" I ask.

"I think so, but I'm not sure," Liv answers honestly.  "When we get on the road we can call Brody and find out some more if you want."

I trail behind her out to her shiny new SUV.  When I get in, I wrinkle my nose again at the new car smell.  Liv puts the hospital into the navigation system and then starts driving.  "Do you want me to call Brody?" she asks.

"Sure," I reply.  She hits a button on her steering wheel and instructs the car to call Brody.  "I didn't know Toyotas had Bluetooth things," I comment absently.

"Everyone does now," she answers, as we hear the phone ringing through the car's speakers.

"Are you guys on your way?" Brody's disembodied voice booms through the speakers.  I cringe and Liv scrambles to turn it down.

"Yes," Liv replies.  "Lauren's here too.  Laur, did you want to know more about what happened?"

"Sure," I say again.

"I'm not completely sure," Brody starts.  "I was on a different run at the same time.  He was on a tough run and he fell.  Someone who saw it said he hit a couple trees before he stopped.  I don't know what happened.  I know the run and I've seen him do more difficult ones.  Anyway, sorry.  He lost consciousness and it sounds like he has a broken clavicle, several broken ribs, and a collapsed lung.  They're worried about some neck and head trauma as well, but it sounds like we'll know more when he wakes up."

"He's still unconscious?" I ask, starting to get really nervous.

"Oh, sorry.  No.  He woke up, but he was in a lot of pain and didn't remember much of the accident, so he was kind of panicky, so they put him on something that knocked him out again."

I'm starting to feel a little panicky myself.  This was supposed to be a fun weekend for them and my much needed alone time.  "Lauren, he's going to be okay," Brody assured me, correctly interpreting my silence.  "The biggest concern right now is just seeing what the fall did to his head and how much he remembers when he wakes up.  But they don't seem too worried.  He remembered that we were skiing this weekend while he was briefly awake, which is a good sign."

"Okay," I say blandly.  "Thanks for filling me in."

"When will you guys be here?" Brody asks.

Liv glances at the navigation display.  Traffic had been mercifully light and we were making pretty good time.  "We've got a little over an hour, it looks like," she replies.

"Okay.  I'll call if anything majorly changes.  Otherwise, drive safe and we'll see you soon."

They exchange "I love you"s, then Liv hits a button on the steering wheel again, and Brody's voice is gone.  She turns on the radio and doesn't say a word when I start spinning the dial, looking for something else.  She normally gets irritated when people mess with the radio in her car, but apparently having a boyfriend injured in a snowboarding accident gives me special privileges.  What a perk.

I turn the radio up as loud as I think I can get away with and look out the window.  The loud music deters Liv from talking to me, though I know she probably wouldn't anyway.  She knows me well enough to know when she should or shouldn't talk to me.

When we get there, neither of us has said a word since we hung up with Brody.  Liv turns the radio off as she pulls into the parking lot of the small clinic/hospital and calls Brody to let him know we're here.  He tells us what door to go in, and by the time we've parked and found the entrance, Brody is leaning against a lamppost just outside.  I can see his ski goggles dangling from his coat pocket.

He kisses Liv quickly on the cheek and leads us inside and down a hallway.  I trail behind them as we go through one set of doors, turn left, turn right, and go through another set of doors.  Another left turn, one more set of doors, and a right turn.  Then we stop, and Brody turns to me.  He motions towards the room we're outside of.  "You can go in if you want.  He's still out.  His parents are on their way."

As I creep into the room, I see Brody wrap his arms around Liv in a tight hug out of the corner of my eye.  Christian is in the room and he stands when I come in.  "Hey," he says softly, offering me a small smile.  He touches my arm lightly as he walks past, vacating the room for me.

I'm surprised that Alex doesn't look like he should be in a hospital bed.  He looks like he's sleeping like a normal person, aside from the oxygen thing on his face and the brace around his neck.  I pull back the blankets a little and see what I expected to see on his face.  His left arm is immobilized against his body and his torso is bandaged.  The flesh I can see around the bandages is blotchy with every shade of purple, blue, and green that you can imagine.

His right side looks much better, so I drag the chair in the room over to the right side of the bed and sit down.  Liv tentatively starts into the room and stops a few feet in.  "Brody's going to go find some food," she says.

"Okay," I reply.  She turns to leave and I impulsively say, "You can stay.  I mean, if you want to."  She turns back and plops herself into the other chair.  Before I know it, I'm talking.  Rambling, Liv style.  Liv listens and contributes when necessary.  I talk about everything under the sun except for my seriously injured boyfriend that's laying in the hospital bed between us.

Brody returns with food and I eat mindlessly.  "Do you want to sleep at the hotel tonight?" Liv asks awhile later.  It's late.  After 11, anyway.

"No, I'm staying here," I reply.

"I can stay with you," Liv says immediately.  If I wasn't in robot mode to protect my emotions, I'd be touched by her offer.

"No," I answer.  "You guys go.  I'd actually prefer to be alone."  Liv doesn't push it, but does insist that I take the keys to her SUV in case I need to get somewhere before they come back.  I drop them into my purse and wait until they leave before I slip into the small bathroom and switch my jeans for the sweatpants Liv packed for me.

When I can't keep my eyes open anymore, I pull my chair close enough to the bed that I can rest my arms and head on the edge of the mattress.  I've just gotten as comfortable as I'm going to get when a nurse comes in to check on him.  I try not to glare at her as she checks his vitals.  "He's doing well," she tells me.  "I feel good about what we'll find out when he's able to be awake with a little less pain."

I nod, and when she's gone I get settled again.  I don't think I'll be able to sleep, but I do drift off eventually.  I wake up randomly, assuming I'm being disturbed by a nurse.  Then I feel a hand on my head, moving softly over my hair.  I'm confused and disoriented so I lay still for several more seconds until I realize the touch feels familiar.  I quickly lift my head, knocking the hand away inadvertently. Alex is watching me through heavily hooded eyelids, and one side of his mouth twitches upwards in a weak half-smile when our eyes meet.  "Lauren," he croaks, his voice raspy and painful sounding.  I bite my lip and swallow hard as he clears his throat.  "Don't cry," he implores softly.

But it's too late.  The tears are there, and I can't stop them.  "You motherfucker," I sob.  "You idiot.  What the actual fuck are you trying to do to me?  I'm so fucking pissed at you."

He reaches for my hand and strokes the backs of my fingers with his thumb, about all the moving he can do.  The other side of his mouth is moving to join the first and his smile gets a little bigger, which makes me cry harder.  "I knew you would be.  Thanks for not letting me down."

I'm interrupted by a nurse hurrying in.  "How long has he been awake?" she asks me.

"I don't know," I hiccup, trying to get a hold of myself.

"A couple minutes," he says quietly.  "Not long."  The nurse gives me and my tears a dirty look and I move away from the bed a little so she can do whatever she needs to do that I'm apparently preventing.

She starts asking him about his pain, about what he remembers, making him wiggle his fingers and toes.  Everything wiggles, which is a relief.  He remembers he was skiing, and he remembers the run he was on, but he doesn't remember anything about the accident or anything after that, including waking up earlier.

The nurse leaves, and seconds later a doctor enters.  She asks him the same questions the nurse did, which seems stupid and inefficient to me, then tells him about his injuries.  "The nurse is scheduling you for an MRI later this morning to check everything in your head and neck out a little better than the CT scan we did earlier.  The amount that you remember is good, and the things you don't remember may just be due to the shock and trauma of the accident.  We'll want to keep an eye on that lung for a couple days, but if the MRI looks okay, I don't imagine we'll keep you longer than 1 or 2 more nights."

Alex thanks her and turns his head the tiny bit it moves back towards me.  "I'm sorry," he says.

"What?  Why?"

He gives me a weird look.  "You said you were pissed at me, remember?  And they're worried about me remembering things."  He grins a little, and I'm so relieved he's telling jokes.

"I'm not actually mad at you, and I'm sorry I swore at you," I say guiltily.  "You just scared the shit out of me, Alex."

"You're in good company," he points out.  "It's pretty scary waking up in a hospital, immobilized, with your girlfriend that doesn't cry sobbing next to you."

I shudder, imagining what that was like.  "You said you knew I'd be pissed, though."

He chuckles, and immediately winces and swears softly.  "So, laughing is a thing I shouldn't do," he notes.  "And I didn't have to know why I was here to know that you'd be pissed about whatever it was."

"Your parents are coming," I tell him, randomly.  "I don't know when they'll be here.  I think Brody talked to them."

"I wish I remembered what happened," he says, and he looks frustrated.  "I should have been able to make that run without a problem.  I've done that one a hundred times."  I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything.  "What time is it?" Alex asks.  I can see he's struggling to keep his eyes open.

I dig my phone out of my sweatshirt pocket and click the display on.  "Almost 1:30," I reply.  "You should get some sleep."

"You should too," he points out.

"I was sleeping just fine until someone woke me up," I tease him.  He manages another small grin.

"Come lay with me," he requests.

I shake my head.  "Your entire torso is the color of an overly ripe plum."

"My right side is fine," he protests.  "Please?  Just for a couple minutes."  I sigh and carefully climb onto the bed, settling at the edge, barely touching him because I'm terrified of hurting him more than he already is.  His hand finds mine and our fingers twist together.  "Would you have been sad if I wasn't okay?"

I stiffen and fight the urge to sit bolt upright and glare at him.  Instead, I hiss, "What the fuck kind of question is that?  Jesus, Alex, I'd be devastated."

"Sometimes it's hard to tell," he says.  His words are slurring together a little and I hope it's the combination of good drugs and exhaustion that has him talking like this.  "I know you show it in your own way but sometimes I wish you'd show it in a normal way.  Sometimes it's hard.  But I guess you're here, so there's that."

"Alex..." I start, but I don't know what to say to him.  Finally I manage, "I'm sorry, I--"

"No," he interrupts.  "I know.  Don't apologize for being you, Laur.  I love you the way you are.  I just need to sleep."

"I love you too," I tell him softly.  "So much.  I can't even imagine my life without you."

"Any of it?  Ever?"

"Any of it," I confirm.  "Ever."  My hands are trembling because talking about shit like this is not a thing I do, but I ease my fear by deciding that he probably won't even remember this conversation tomorrow.  Then I realize that I want him to remember, because I feel like the worst girlfriend in the world after hearing him tell me that maybe he isn't sure I'd be sad if he wasn't okay.

"Laur, I know that," he says.  He yawns, and then groans.  "Fuck, I hurt," he mutters.

"Let's get some sleep," I suggest.  I start to sit up but his hand tightens slightly on mine.

"Stay here.  Please."

I shift into a more comfortable position.  I'll just stay until he falls asleep, I tell myself.