Kinsley: Tough Love

Happy Saturday, all!  Come back tomorrow for a special Valentine's Day treat: an excerpt from the first post of my new story, "In All the Wrong Places."  The blog launches with the first post on March 1st, but of course I'm going to torture you all with a sneak peek!  

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I woke up early the next morning.  Really early.  Uncomfortable under Damien's arm, I carefully extricated myself, leaving Damien sprawled across his half of the bed and part of mine.  It was just a little after 5, almost an hour before Damien would get up.

I quietly got dressed, pulling on a tank top and a pair of pajama pants that were laying on the floor next to the bed.  Once downstairs, I made some coffee before I grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch.  I flipped the TV on and turned the volume down enough that I was certain it wouldn't wake Damien.

My eyes glazed over as I mindlessly watched some stupid early morning show for about 40 minutes.  The perky blonde hosts were chirping cheerfully away about some new fad diet when I uncurled myself from the nest I'd created on the couch and walked into the kitchen to make some breakfast.

I'd just started scrambling some eggs when I heard footsteps on the stairs.  Seconds later, Damien appeared in the kitchen.  "You're up early," he said softly, wrapping his arms around me from behind and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I woke up around 5," I told him.  I considered telling him I wasn't tired anymore or couldn't sleep, then decided not to lie and just ended my statement as it was.

He dropped a light, tender kiss where my neck meets my shoulder and tightened his arms around me.  "I got a little worried when I woke up and you weren't there," he said.

I abruptly set down the fork I was using to aggressively over-beat the eggs and turned to face him.  "You were?"

"I still am," he admitted.  I looked at him curiously, and he took a step back and sighed.  "Kinsley, I can't tell where your head is, and I don't think you know either.  You do impulsive things when you're not thinking clearly."

I bristled and clenched my teeth.  "You said you trusted me," I spat, suddenly furious.

Damien tried to move closer to me and I dodged him, stepping to the side.  "I do," he said calmly.  "But I don't think you trust yourself, and that worries me."

"You don't know anything," I hissed.  I didn't know why I was so angry all of a sudden, but I was and it was overwhelming.  "Don't tell me how I feel!"

"Kinsley," he started, but I didn't let him finish whatever he was going to say.

"No," I interrupted.  "Don't.  Just...go.  Please."

Damien's level gaze wavered, and he looked confused.  "Go?" he repeated. "Kinsley..." His calm was crumbling and I could tell he thought I meant something that I didn't mean.

"Not forever," I amended, trying to think clearly.  "Just...I can't have this conversation right now.  It's not even 6 am."

I could tell he wanted to argue.  I could tell he wanted to protest, to demand to stay, to talk about this rightnow.  But instead, after several long, agonizing seconds, he set his jaw and nodded.  "Okay," he agreed.  "I'll go."  He tentatively moved towards me again, and I didn't move.  He touched my elbow and kissed me softly on the cheek.  "You tell me when you're ready, then."

I nodded, unable to meet his eyes.  Unsatisfied, he tipped my chin up with a gentle touch.  I locked eyes with him and said, "I will."  Damien took a deep breath, nodded again, and left the kitchen.  I listened to his footsteps go up the stairs.  Not even a minute later, the footsteps came back down, and then the front door opened and closed.

I turned briefly back to the eggs that were now thoroughly beaten on the counter.  I looked at them sitting in the bowl, yellow and slimy.  Disgusted, I dumped them down the drain and shoved the bowl angrily into the dishwasher.  Then I stomped upstairs to get ready.

Over my lunch break, I called Lauren.  I needed a reality check.  She answered.  "Can we do dinner tonight?" I asked, not even returning her greeting.

"Sure," she replied, sounding confused by my tone.  "Do you want me to invite Liv or Kendra?"

"No."  I needed brutal honesty, not coddling.

Lauren didn't say anything for a moment, then asked, "Is everything okay?"

"We'll talk tonight.  I need to get back to work."  Lauren accepted that and we hung up.

I got to the restaurant early and sat at the bar to get a drink.  I hadn't eaten breakfast and I'd just eaten a random granola bar I found in my desk for "lunch."  When things got chaotic, I lost my appetite.

I ordered a gin martini and sipped it a lot slower than I wanted to.  I was awfully early though, and sipping slowly didn't stop me from drinking too much.  I was just finishing my third when someone sat down next to me and said, "Bad day?"

I blinked placidly at him, then smirked.  "Something like that," I replied.  I glanced at his empty scotch glass, cocked an eyebrow and asked, "What's your excuse?"

"Good day," he replied with a devilish grin.  He was handsome in a cheap department store catalogue sort of way.  "Promotion and a hefty raise."

I was bored already, but humored him.  "Congratulations," I said.  I turned and thanked the bartender, a tiny waif of a girl who could barely reach past the call liquors, as she deposited my fourth martini in front of me.

"My name is--"

"I actually don't give a fuck," I interrupted.  I stared straight ahead, taking a good sized drink.

After a moment of what I can only imagine was stunned silence, Mr. JCPenney snorted.  "Then I guess I don't care about yours either," he replied.  I thought he'd leave, but he leaned closer to me.  Apparently bitches turned him on.  "So, how about you finish that drink, and--"

"Have you lost your goddamned mind?"  I turned my head and saw Lauren standing behind me, her disgust apparent.  "Did you pay cash or do you have a tab?" she demanded, gesturing at my drink.

"Cash," I informed her.  I almost laughed at the bewildered look on Promotion-and-Hefty-Raise's face.

"Then take that and get over here, because I got us a table and you're being an idiot."

"I actually just told this man that I don't give a fuck about him," I responded calmly, shrugging as I stood.  "Apparently he likes that sort of thing."  I looked seriously at Lauren and said in an exaggerated whisper, "Mommy must not have loved him enough."

"I am so sorry," Lauren apologized to the asshole next to me, who now looked angry.  She grabbed my forearm and pulled me away from the bar.  "What the actual fuck is wrong with you?" she snapped, after practically shoving me into a booth on the opposite side of the restaurant.

"Didn't eat enough and drank too much, I imagine," I replied.  I was starting to become amused by her clear irritation.

"And I suppose you drove here, as well," she said with disdain.  I nodded.  "Well knock it off before I take you home."

"Sorry, Mom," I replied.  "Oh wait, my mommy didn't love me enough either, and she wouldn't give a shit if I got home safely."

Lauren gaped at me.  Our server showed up at that second but paused, looking between Lauren and me.  "I'm really sorry," Lauren said.  "Something came up and we need to leave."

"Oh, of course," the server replied, looking confused.  "I hope everything is okay."

"I do too," I said to her, nodding seriously.

Lauren stood abruptly and stared pointedly at me.  "Let's go," she hissed when I didn't immediately stand.  I followed her dutifully, becoming aware of the fact that I was not fit to be seen in public right now.  As soon as we were outside, Lauren almost exploded.  "You are a mess," she chastised me.  I didn't answer.

She pulled out her phone and dialed someone while we walked in what I assumed was the direction of her car.  "Yeah, can you order a pizza for delivery to my house?" she asked someone.  She paused, listening.  "Thank you.  I might not be back tonight."  Another pause, with a glance at me.  "I'm not sure, but I hope to find out....okay, love you too."  She hung up and looked at me, making sure I was still walking along next to her.

She said nothing more until we were in her car.  Then she turned to me and said, "You and Damien broke up again."  It was a statement, not a question, and said it kindly.  Well, for Lauren anyway.

"No," I replied.  "Not yet."

"Not yet?" she asked.  I didn't say anything.  "Kinsley, does this have something to do with Cole?"

When she said that, I crumpled against the door.  I stayed silent.  She sighed softly and started the car.  She drove straight to her house and we went inside.  "Do you want something to eat while we wait for pizza?" she asked me.  I shook my head.  She went into the kitchen and came back with a large glass of water, which she handed to me wordlessly.  I took several long drinks while she stood and watched me.

Finally, I set the glass aside and looked up.  I tucked my hands between my knees to make them stop shaking, and then I finally spilled the entire story to Lauren.

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Don't forget to come back tomorrow for your sneak peek of "In All the Wrong Places"!