(Now/Then) Alex: The Wait

It was unanimous! I started writing this all as one post, with the background and the date, but it got a little long.  So here is part 1, with some of the background.  Part 2, with the actual date, will go up for Friday!  Thanks to everyone that gave input on what they wanted!
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 "If you wanted to, you could take me out to dinner sometime."

I pulled the phone away from my ear and frowned at it, making sure it did say "Lauren" across the call display.  Yup.  "I have to buy you dinner before you sleep with me now?" I joked, not really sure what to make of what Lauren just said, and not wanting to hope it's what I really, really want her to mean.  When she sighed loudly, I tentatively asked, "Lauren, do you want to go out?  On a date?"

"No, I don't, never mind.  Why do you have to be such an asshole?" She was talking fast, and she sounded flustered, which is not very Lauren-like.

"Hey," I said gently.  "I'd actually love to take you out to dinner."

"You would?" Now she sounded surprised.  "Well then why the hell did you have to make a stupid joke about it?"  I felt guilty immediately for my joke, but I had no idea how else to respond.

"I'm sorry," I replied sincerely.  "I just...didn't want to assume anything, knowing your feelings on dates.  I didn't mean to freak you out."

She snorted.  "You didn't freak me out."  Right.  "But if you wanted to, Tuesday would be a really good night."  Back in charge, that's my girl.

"Tuesday is a really good night for me too.  Was there someplace you had in mind?"

She sighed again.  "I had to ask you out, I have to plan it, are you going to make me pay for it too?"  I almost laughed.  I held it in, and it's a good thing I did because I knew she was being so sarcastic and snippy because she was nervous as hell.  That's what she does.  She can be so nice, but when she's nervous, watch out.

"No, Laur, I'll take care of it.  But since you brought it up, I wanted to make sure you didn't have something already planned in your head.  I'd hate to disappoint you now."

She laughed.  "You know, sometimes you really piss me off," she replied, but she sounded much more relaxed.

"Right back atcha, babe," I replied.

"Gross, don't say that," she said with a groan.  And just like that, everything was back to normal.  Or, as normal as it could be after Lauren told me she wanted to go on a date.  With me.  We talked for a few more minutes, then I told her I'd call her once I figured out details for Tuesday.

"Good.  Don't fuck it up, Berg."  Then she hung up.  I shook my head.

Going on an actual date with Lauren was going to be really interesting.  Especially at this point in our relationship.  We had been friends for what, 8 years now?  We'd had dozens of innocent sleepovers and now several not-so-innocent ones.  

And regardless of what Christian thought, I actually hadn't been in love with Lauren since we first met, at that party freshman year.  I mean, sure, I thought she was hot.  Only an idiot wouldn't have.  She's gorgeous.  And I found her interesting from the start.  A girl that loves football as much as I do (even if she cheers for the wrong team) is always interesting.

But she put off a seriously unavailable and uninterested vibe, so I didn't bother trying to figure out if I had more serious feelings for her.  I shut that down and just enjoyed spending time with her.  It was weird at first.  It was obvious that Lauren didn't exactly know what to do with a friend that was a guy.  And she seemed like she was always on the defensive, ready to deflect and shut down anything from me that remotely resembled flirting or interest.

Once we started to get to know each other a little better though, I figured out how to interact with her in a way that was comfortable for her, and she was able to relax more.  Eventually I also learned about why she was so uptight around me at first too.  Between that asshole that broke her heart and her high school experiences, it was no wonder she had no idea how to act around me.  It made me really glad I never made a move on her.

Because let's be real, I definitely thought about it a couple times.  I would have liked to.  She's hot.  She's smart.  She's funny.  She likes football.  Who wouldn't?  But I knew it wouldn't be received well and I cared more about having her in my life than getting her naked.  So I didn't.  And really, I probably wouldn't have wanted much beyond a friends with benefits relationship at that point.  Waaaaay too much shit to wade through to prove myself for anything more than that.  It was easier to win her over with friendship first.

That makes it sound like I had some elaborate, manipulative plot to befriend her and then get in her pants, and that's definitely not the case either.  I genuinely liked her and enjoyed spending time with her.  I wanted to be her friend.  As she got more and more comfortable, I enjoyed our time together even more.  Every once in awhile I'd have a flash of thinking that maaaaybe, just maybe, I wanted more.  But by that point, I cared way too much about her to ever screw it up, so I pushed it away.

This is stupid, but I was proud (and maybe feeling a little self-important) of the way I was able to gain her trust and how comfortable she was around me.  It was hard work, and I wasn't going to do anything that fucked it up.  So I kept my mouth shut when she started sleeping around, even though I wanted to point out that if what she wanted was sex, I'd be happy to provide it whenever she wanted.  Come on, I'm a guy.

I got so good at pretending that I wanted nothing from Lauren but her company that I even liked and dated other girls.  Nothing lasted for longer than a few months.  A lot of them had issues with the fact that one of my best friends was a girl.  A hot girl.  A hot girl that never had a boyfriend.  Lauren was always incredibly respectful of my relationships.  She didn't spend the night when I was dating someone.  We didn't do much one-on-one hanging out.  But for some reason, too many of the girls I was interested in just couldn't handle her presence in my life at all.

One girl didn't mind.  She had a bunch of male friends of her own, and she was really laid back and not jealous at all.  We were actually together for almost a year.  Almost a year, until she sent me a text message that was meant for someone else.  Someone else that she was fucking.  After that, it just wasn't worth dating much.

Lauren and I stayed good friends, but as we grew into our adult lives after college, our friendship changed.  There were no more sleepovers (except the occasional "my place is too far and it's late, can I stay with you?") and we both got busy with jobs and life.  We were still good friends, but without the freedom of college it's inevitable that things shift.  Gone were any inklings of "more than friendship" feelings for Lauren, as well.  We were comfortable in our friendship.

Then Olivia came along.  We all know what happened with Olivia.  And honestly, I'm glad that she went for Brody, because the more I got to know her, the more I realized we would not have been good together.  Not at all.  Not because of anything specific.  I think Liv is really great.  I think she's smart and obviously she's gorgeous, and she's a sweet girl.  But she's too...midwest-nice.  I need someone with energy and bluntness and dry humor like mine.

And that's when I realized that I needed someone like Lauren.  The thought wasn't a pleasant one, because I knew it would never happen.  I had never seen someone stick so firmly to a "no relationships ever again" decision.  She had follow-though.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized she really was my ideal partner.  At least, as far I knew.

Lauren started acting kind of strange around me.  I couldn't really put my finger on it, and when I asked Liv about it, she was completely oblivious.  I wondered why I cared so much, and then I worried that my recent realization had made me act differently around her and she was responding to that.  But if no one else noticed, maybe it was in my head.

I started to get frustrated because the more I saw Liv and Brody and Kinsley and Damien together, the more I wanted it for myself.  I tried to put myself out there more and I even dated a little bit but it didn't go well.  I finally just gave up.  

I really wasn't planning on sleeping with her after Kendra and Christian's wedding.  It just sort of happened.  It was enough to make me hopeful, really hopeful.  I don't know what I was expecting her to say in the car, but I was expecting something.  Instead, I got mindless chatter and awkward silence.  And she did all but actually put her hands on me to push me out of her apartment after I dropped her off. 

I was worried that we had screwed up by having sex.  As much as I wanted Lauren to be my girlfriend by this point, I valued our friendship more than anything.  So I took my cue and pretended that nothing happened.  I acted as normally as I could, and luckily she did the same. 

I thought that would be that, but then I saw the way she was glowering at the girl I was talking to at the bar we were at a few weeks later.  When I asked for a ride home, even though I wasn't even close to drunk, I still wasn't exactly sure what my plan was.  I didn't want to push anything that she didn't want, because I really didn't want to lose our friendship.  But maybe if I just gave her an opportunity to make a move, and a little encouragement...

That night turned into another night a few days later.  And then another.  And another.  When we weren't naked, Lauren acted like nothing had changed.  I tried really hard to be okay with that.  I really did.  But the more time we spent together, the more nights she spent cuddled up next to me, the more I was struggling with not pushing for more than just hooking up. 

I knew she knew I wanted more.  I could tell by the sort of sympathetic, almost pitying look she'd give me in the morning when she'd get up, get dressed, and leave.  I left the ball in her court, hoping that after enough nights spent together, she might decide to give it a shot. 

And now, it looks like my waiting finally paid off.  I guess I have a date to plan.