Too Much Information

On Thursday morning, James called.  I called him back over my lunch break.

"Hey Liv, I'm finished with your stuff," he greeted me.

"Already?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I told you it wouldn't take long.  When do you want it?  We can meet at the office if you want to.  Jordan is out of town, so he won't be around.  I have time later this afternoon, otherwise I'm pretty open tomorrow.  Or we can figure something else out."

I thought for a second.  I didn't really want to wait until tomorrow, now that I knew he was finished.  "What time this afternoon?" I asked.  "I should be out of here by 5, and I could come right over.  I don't want to keep you too late though.  I'm off all day tomorrow, so I could do anytime then."

"Around 5 would be perfect, actually," he replied.  He gave me the address and directions to his office before we hung up.

I called Brody.  "James is done already," I told him.  "I'm going to meet him after work."

"That was fast," he commented.  "Do you want me to go with you?"

I was surprised.  "You want to go with me to see James?" I asked.

"No, I don't want to go with you to see James," he replied.  "I want to support you though, and if you want me to go with you, I can pretend that I don't want to smash his face in for a little while."

 I laughed.  "Well, I appreciate the offer.  I think I'll be okay though.  You're still coming over tonight?"  He confirmed that he was.  "That's good enough for me.  I'll tell you about it then."

"Liv, I mean it.  If you change your mind, let me know.  I'll go.  And I'll be nice.  I appreciate that he's doing this for you."

"Thank you.  It means a lot that you'd go.  I really am okay to go on my own though, I promise," I assured him.  We both had to get back to work, so we hung up soon after.  After I hung up, I was completely distracted, wondering if James found anything interesting.  I powered through the rest of the day and left right after my last client.

I made it James's office by 5:15.  Their receptionist was gone for the day, but James came out shortly after I walked into the office.  He hugged me before leading me to his office.  I sat down and looked at him anxiously.  He smiled reassuringly and slid a folder over to me.  "Paper copies of the stuff I'm going to show you," he said, tapping on the screen of an iPad.

"So," he started.  "Nadine and Jonathan Sanders are indeed Alan Sanders's parents, and your paternal grandparents--biologically, anyway.  As far as I can tell at least."  I nodded.  "They live in Utah, like they told you, in a town called Price.  It's a pretty small town, and it's about a 6 hour drive from here.  Alan Sanders was their only son, and he was born when Nadine was 20 and Jonathan was 23.  They were married about 4 months before he was born."

I held up a hand to stop him.  "So they're, what...?  66 and 69 now?" I asked.

James nodded.  "Nadine is 65 actually, but she'll turn 66 soon.  They actually seem pretty active.  There was lots of stuff on their volunteer work and community activities."  He looked at me to see if I had any other questions and I shook my head.  "Okay.  Nadine was a teacher's assistant and a substitute teacher for most of her working life.  Jonathan did a lot of factory work, but he went to dental school when he was 40 years old and spent 15 years as a dentist after that.  They're both retired now."

He paused and looked at me carefully.  "Liv, this part might be a little surprising, so just let me know if you have questions or need a second to turn it over in your head, okay?"  I nodded, anxious and curious.  "Alan had a 14 year old daughter and a 9 year old son.  Nadine and Jonathan currently have custody of both of them."

I let the information sink in for a second, then asked, "So, they're my...half-siblings?"

James nodded.  "I'm guessing you've probably realized that there's a possibility you had half-siblings around, since you never knew your--um, Alan, but it's always a little weird to have it be confirmed," he said sympathetically.  I didn't say anything.  I was surprised, even though James was right--I had certainly considered that Alan might have other children.  But it was easy to forget about it when you had no way to know for sure.  Now I knew for sure.  I hadn't thought that I might get information like this when I asked James to look into Nadine and Jonathan.

"If you want, I can step out if you need a couple minutes," James offered.  He started to stand.

"No," I said quickly.  "I'm okay."  He raised his eyebrows like he wasn't sure if he believed me, but nodded and gave me a little more general information about Nadine and Jonathan.

Finally, he said, "I don't have much more right now.  If you want me to, I can look further into anything I've told you today.  Like if you wanted more information about the kids, or Alan."

"I think this is okay for now," I said slowly.  I looked up at him.  "Thank you, James.  I really appreciate this.  I might have a couple more questions after I wrap my head around it all, but I'm good for now."

"Just say the word, and I'll see what else I can find for you," he replied.  We both stood and he put his arm around my shoulders as he walked me to the door.  "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, when we got to the door.

"I am.  I just feel sort of weird right now.  I might be less okay once it all sinks in, but I think I'm fine," I replied honestly.

James nodded.  "That's pretty normal.  Will you let me know what you decide you're going to do?"  I agreed to do that, and he wished me luck and hugged me.  I thanked him again and walked out to my car.  

When I got to my car, I tried to call Brody, but he didn't answer. I debated just going right home, but the bar they were at for happy hour was on the way, so I decided to stop. When I got inside, I was surprised to see that Brody was already there.  He was sitting with Lauren, Kinsley, and Alex.  Small group tonight, which was good.  Brody got up and hugged me when I made it to the table.  "Was it okay?" he asked quietly.  I nodded.  He pulled back and examined my face before sitting down again.  I sat next to him.  All four of them were looking at me expectantly, so someone must have filled Alex in.

"They seem legit.  And like nice people," I said, with a shrug. 

"And?" Lauren asked.  "Is that it?"

"And...I have a half brother and sister," I replied.  "They're living with my--with them."

"Wow," Brody and Kinsley said at the same time. 

Lauren shrugged.  "You always figured that was likely though, right?" she asked.

"It's not the same to think of the possibility and actually have it confirmed, Laur," Kinsley admonished.

"I did think it was likely, but yeah.  It's weird.  Especially now that they contacted me, you know?" I replied.

"So what are you going to do?" Alex asked curiously.

"I have no idea," I admitted.  "I thought this would help me decide, but I don't know that it did. I think I got just a little too much information and now I'm overwhelmed again."

Brody took my hand and said, "Once it all sinks in a little more, you might have a better idea."  I nodded.  They let me change the subject and I stayed for about 20 more minutes before I needed to get out of there.

"I'm going to take off.  If you want to stay longer, that's okay," I said to Brody.

He shook his head. "No, I'll come too."  We said goodbye and headed out.  When we were back at my house, Brody hugged me again.  "How are you really?" he asked.  "That must have been a bit of a shock."

"I honestly have no idea.  I don't feel nearly as surprised or upset as I think I should feel, if that makes any sense.  I mean, it was surprising enough that she called me out of the blue, what's a couple of half siblings on top of it?"  I laughed.  "I am a little curious how she found me, though."

"Maybe you're not the only one with a private investigator for a friend," Brody said with a shrug.

"Yeah, maybe not," I agreed.  Even though I felt okay overall, I was worn out, and we went to bed early.  I was glad that the next day was one of my Fridays off.

I got up when Brody left the next morning, and went to the gym and did some stuff around the house.  After lunch, I called my mom.

"Hi, honey, how are you?" she answered.

"I'm okay, Mom," I replied.   Then I filled her in on what James had found out.

"Wow," she said, when I had finished.  "Well, I can't say I'm surprised, and while I'm sure you're not surprised either, I bet it was a bit of a shock to hear.  How are you holding up?"

"I think I'm okay," I said slowly.  "I don't really know.  I'm really confused how they found me.  And having half-siblings kind of freaks me out, but I'm not really sure why."  My mom was sympathetic, and asked a few more questions, but she refused to give me advice about whether or not to meet them.  When I hung up with her, I called James. 

"How are you doing, Liv?" he asked, after we had exchanged greetings.

"I wish everyone would stop asking me that," I answered honestly.  "I have a question though, do you have a couple minutes?"

"Go for it," he replied.

"This might sound really dumb, but how do you think she found me?  She said she'd been looking for me for a few years."

"Hmmm," James mused.  "Well, it's not very likely she found you with a lucky Google search if she'd been looking for a few years without finding anything, but let me look up a few things.  Can I put you on speaker?  There's only two other people here and I'm in my office with the door closed."  I told him it was fine, and a second later I heard computer keys tapping.  "Nope, neither your address or phone number are listed here..." he started.  More keys tapping.  "You run a 22 minute 5k?" he asked with surprise.

I laughed.  "Hooray for Google," I replied.  "No, not really.  I mean, I used to, but I don't run much anymore."

A few more keys tapping.  Then, "What are your Facebook privacy settings like?"

"I have it locked down as tightly as their shady privacy settings allow," I replied.

After a second he said, "Yeah, I can't even find your page here.  Okay...what's your mom's first and maiden name?"  I told him.  "Did you ever legally have Alan's last name?"

"No, it was Bern until Chris adopted me, and it's been Saffiano since."

Another pause and more keys.  "I obviously see information about you here, but nothing that would lead me to even know you live in Denver, much less your phone number.  If I can't do it with a Google search, a 65 year old woman certainly can't," he said confidently.  "I'm guessing they used their own investigator."

"Wow," I replied.

"What?" James asked curiously.

I paused for a minute, trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words.  "I guess I'm just surprised that finding me was important enough for them to pay someone to search for me for a couple of years.  It feels really weird and kind of high pressure, but also...touching, kind of.  I don't know how much sense that makes."

"I think it makes perfect sense," he assured me.  "Look, if you want, I can probably find out if they're using someone.  I'm confident that they are, but if it matters to you, I can try to confirm it."

"No, that's okay.  I trust your educated guess."  I paused.  "I know I thanked you yesterday, but I really can't even tell you how helpful this has been.  And I appreciate that you've just answered my questions and did what I asked for without asking me any questions about why any of it matters.  So thank you."

"Liv, I meant it when I said I'd do anything else I could to help.  I'm glad I could find you what you needed.  Have you decided what you're going to do?"

For the first time since Nadine called, I felt confident in what my plan was.  "Yeah.  I'm going to meet them."