The Reunion (Kinsley)

"Nooo," I groaned, rolling onto my side and pulling the blanket up to my face.  "Too early, even for me."

"You warned me that you'd argue," Damien pointed out, pulling the blanket down to my knees.  "And you told me to persist.  C'mon, let's get up and run."

I let out a noise that was half sigh, half rabid growl.  Opening my eyes as little as possible, I reached for my phone.  "It's 4:59," I whined.  "It's not even 5!"

Damien paused, his eyes on his watch.  "It is now," he said with a grin, 20 seconds later.  "Up!"

"I hate you and everything else," I informed him, rubbing pathetically at my eyes, which I couldn't seem to open.  "Fuck."

Damien had talked me into a signing up for a 10k with him.  I'm not even a little bit sure how I let that happen, but at this moment I was not pleased about it.  "You know," I muttered, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and maybe-or-maybe-not-accidentally kicking him in the hip as I did so, "Some of us prefer to exercise in the evenings."

"But I love running with you when you have such a great attitude about it," he said, straight-faced. "And in the evening you're sort of cheerful.  It's awful."

"Oh, I can give you attitude any time you want," I retorted, pulling a tank top out of my drawer.  I tossed it on the bed and opened the next drawer.  "Where are all my fucking shorts?"

"Probably in the large pile of dirty laundry you have," Damien pointed out helpfully.  I chose to say nothing, instead just giving him a withering look.  He laughed and kissed my cheek.  "Coffee?"

"It's the least you could do," I grumbled.

By the time I had some passably clean-ish shorts and my tank top on, Damien had a cup of coffee for me.  I drank half of it in a couple gulps, then set it down on the counter.  "Okay," I said.  "Let's get it over with."

Oddly enough, after the run, a shower, and more coffee, I felt significantly better.  Good, even.  "Isn't it great to have your workout done already?"  Damien asked, coming out of my bathroom with a towel around his waist.

I eyed that towel hungrily and said, "I mean, I still have some energy left if--"

"Tonight," Damien promised.  "I have to get ready and get out of here."

I frowned.  "Fine, but I'm going to hold you to it!"

"We'll see who is holding who to what later," he replied, leaning down to kiss me.

I groaned.  "You're cruel!" I exclaimed as he straightened.  "Now I'm going to be thinking about it all day."

"You make that sound like a bad thing," he said with a shrug.  "I'll see you tonight.  What time are we meeting Kaleb and his girlfriend?"

"6:30," I said, standing up to kiss him one more time before he left.

Damien let his lips linger on mine, and I wasn't entirely sure I could make it through an entire work day and dinner with my brother and his new girlfriend before getting my hands on him.  "I'll be there," he told me, breaking into my inappropriate thoughts.

We said goodbye and I finished getting ready for work.  I really did feel great after our run this morning.  It probably helped that I really was a morning person.  Just not a 5am morning person.

My work day went fairly fast, though I was slightly nervous about meeting Kaleb's new girlfriend.  My relationship with my brother was still so new itself, I wasn't terribly sure about adding a new person to the mix.  But Kaleb was so excited to introduce me to Ellen, so I felt bad for being so hesitant.

I left work about 10 minutes before 6 and got to the restaurant about 15 minutes early.  I put our name on the list and for a table and went to the bar, hoping a drink would help settle my nerves.  I ordered a run and coke and sipped it slowly, because an appearance by Drunk Kinsley would be the worst thing for the evening.

A gentle hand on my shoulder startled me, and I looked up to see Damien.  "Sorry," he said guiltily.  "I should have known better than to sneak up on you."

"It's okay," I said, tilting my chin up for a quick kiss.  "Hi."

"Hi," he replied, smiling.  He sat down on the empty stool next to me and started to say something else, but then I saw Kaleb come in with a tall, pretty brunette.  I stood up and waved to him and they came over.

Kaleb smiled at us, and I recognized the line between his eyebrows.  He was just as nervous as I was.  "Hey!" I greeted them.  "Kaleb, you remember Damien, right?"  Kaleb had only spent time with Damien once (outside the disastrous Thanksgiving that had reintroduced me to Kaleb in the first place) and it had been awhile.

"Of course, good to see you again," Kaleb said, shaking his hand.  "This is my girlfriend Ellen.  Ellen, this is my sister Kinsley and her boyfriend Damien."  

"Hi, nice to meet you," she said, smiling shyly.

"Nice to meet you too," I said, taking her outstretched hand.  Just then, my phone buzzed with a text from the restaurant letting us know our table was ready.  Technology.

I was really glad Damien was there, because without him, our dinner would have been really awkward.  As it was, Kaleb and I were still awkward at times, and Ellen was quiet.  Damien could talk to anyone, and I was grateful for that.  I loosened up by the time our food came, and I chatted with Kaleb and Ellen, getting to know her.  "How did you guys meet?" I asked.

Ellen blushed and Kaleb laughed.  "I love this story," Kaleb said.  "I was at a bar with some buddies, and I was standing behind Ellen, waiting to get a drink.  Her friend grabbed her ass, and she thought it was me, so she slapped me."  Ellen's face was a color that I've only ever seen on Liv's.  "Luckily, I thought she was pretty, so I didn't hold it against her."

"One of these days I'm going to make something up.  Maybe something that's embarrassing to you!" Ellen exclaimed, but she was laughing.

"I met Kinsley when my friend ran into her friend and knocked her drink on the ground.  That's not nearly as good of a story," Damien said.

"It gets better if you add in that we only got together because your friend pretty much stalked my friend for the next couple weeks," I pointed out.

Damien laughed.  "To this day, James maintains that was all purely coincidental."

Ellen and Kaleb had to leave right after dinner, but Damien and I moved back to the bar to have another drink.  "She seems nice," I said.  "I'm glad I got to meet her."

"You and Kaleb seem a little more comfortable," Damien replied.  It had been a long and awkward road for Kaleb and I to reconnect, but we were both determined to push through it.  We'd been through a lot together and then had been out of communication for so long, some discomfort was to be expected.

We finished our drinks and then headed to Damien's house.  When we got there, Damien looked in the fridge and brought us both a beer.  Luckily it was Friday, so it didn't matter if I got a little tipsy.  I took the beer and took a long drink before I settled against Damien on the couch.  We didn't talk, both of us tired after a long week and an early morning.  We didn't need to, either.  It was one of the things I loved most about Damien--we could simply sit together silently and enjoy being with each other without feeling pressured to make conversation when it wasn't flowing naturally.

After I tipped the last of the beer into my mouth, Damien gently pulled the empty bottle from my fingers and set it on the end table.  "Ready for bed?" he asked.  I nodded, closing my eyes.  Several seconds later, Damien chuckled.  "You need to get up if we're going to bed," he said.

"Right," I replied, still making no move to get up.  Damien shifted so he could stand, then leaned down and before I could stop him, he scooped me up.  I laughed.  "Put me down, I'll walk!"

"Missed your chance," he said, walking to his bedroom with me in his arms.  He set me down on the bed and climbed on with me, kneeling above me as he kissed me.  "Still have some energy left?" he asked, pulling his lips from mine and kissing along my jaw to my neck.

"Always," I responded, wrapping my hand around the back of his neck.  I sighed contentedly as his continued to kiss down my neck and then along the neckline of my shirt.  30 seconds later, and most of my clothes were scattered around the bed.  He teased one nipple with his teeth and tongue, lightly gripped the hair at the back of my head with one hand, and used the other hand to stroke between my legs.  He got me close, then stopped suddenly, leaving me groaning in frustration.

I watched him pull his clothes off and grinned at him as he got back in bed, positioning himself between my legs.  He reached down and stroked me again until I was back to the point of nearly orgasming, then moved his hand and pushed into me.  I gasped and gripped his arms, and it didn't take long for me to come, digging my nails into his triceps and burying my face in his shoulder.  He thrust for several more seconds before pulling out, flipping me onto my stomach, and slamming back into me.   I came again a few minutes later, and he followed close behind.

"I can't believe you made me wait all day for that," I groaned, my face pressed into the pillow.

"Well it would have been really inappropriate to do that at the restaurant," he replied.

I rolled over and smacked him with the pillow.  "Really?"

He laughed and reached for me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer.  "Really," he said, trying to be serious.

I rolled my eyes in the dark, settling against him.  We laid cuddled together for about 10 minutes before my yawning took over and I wiggled away.  "Goodnight, Damien," I mumbled, getting comfortable on my side of the bed.

"Goodnight, Kinsley," he said, leaning over to plant a kiss on my forehead and then one on my lips, lingering gently.  Between the early wake up, the long run that morning, the alcohol, and the sex, I was asleep by the time his lips left mine.

Kinsley: Long Short Week

I had dinner with my brother on the Tuesday before Christmas.  He made it into the city to meet me this time, and I went straight from work.  He was fitting me in before his nap before his shift, so we decided on an earlier dinner.  I was (of course) late, and Kaleb was already there.

"Sorry," I apologized, sliding into the other side of the booth.  "Being late is kind of my thing."

He chuckled.  "Good to know.  It's fine, I'm glad you made it." We were both quiet for several seconds too long, then started talking at the same time.  "Sorry, go ahead," Kaleb said.

"I was just asking what your plans for Christmas are," I answered.

"I'm going to Mom's house," he said.  "I don't know what to expect."

"Oh," I replied.

He burst into laughter at my non-response.  "Oh?"

I shrugged.  "Not to needlessly color your expectations, but the last time I saw Mom she threw something at me and called me a 'stupid little tramp', so...."

"Nice," he responded, smirking.  "I'm looking forward to seeing what she can come up with for me then."  I snorted and rolled my eyes.  "What are you doing?  Christmas with the boyfriend's family?"

"His name is Damien.  And no, actually.  He and I are going up to his sister and brother-in-law's place in Crested Butte for the weekend.  Just the two of us."

"That sounds nice," he said.  "Though I'm shocked you're not going to Dad's house."  It was my turn to crack up at that.  Not in a million years.

Our dinner was great.  The more time we spent together, the easier it got.  I was still wary, and I think he could tell, but overall things were going well.  So well that he hugged me without asking this time before we parted.


I was so excited to spend Christmas with Damien.  I didn't even care if we skied.  I was just happy to be spending a holiday with someone I actually wanted to spend it with, not someone that I felt obligated to spend it with (like my family).  I couldn't remember the last time I actually enjoyed a holiday.  Pleasant holidays were a foreign concept to me.  We'd decided to each take a half day off on Wednesday the 23rd and leave that afternoon.

I got up super early on Wednesday to make sure I had enough time at work to get everything done that I needed to before taking off for the rest of the week.  I left work around 12:30 and hurried home.  I'd packed the night before, so I just took a quick shower, double checked my stuff, and then let Damien know I was ready.  Damien got to my house around 1, and we left right away.

I'm weird and I totally love long car rides, so I was prepared with snacks and a playlist.  Damien was amused by my antics, but quickly appreciated my planning when he decided he wanted a snack.  "I don't know," I teased him from the passenger seat.  "You thought my snacks were silly an hour ago."

"I never said they were silly," he replied indignantly.  "I think I said 'unnecessary.'"

"Well, I think it's 'unnecessary' that I share them with you, then," I said, smirking.

He snorted.  "You're going to let me starve to death while I'm in control of the vehicle you're riding in?  That seems like a poor life choice on your part."

I laughed.  "I don't know, this giant truck would probably hold up pretty well, even without a live driver, don't you think?  I'm not too worried."  Damien laughed and shook his head as I grabbed my bag of snacks off the floor and handed over the candy bar he'd requested.

By hour 3 in the car I realized that my plan was not foolproof, and I'd forgotten caffeine.  Much to Damien's disappointment, I dozed off for awhile.  He was enjoying my singing prior to that, I swear.  I woke up when Damien parked the truck and turned it off.  I yawned and stretched.  It was already dark even though it wasn't even dinner time.  "We're here, Sleeping Beauty," Damien said.

"Mmm, aren't you supposed to kiss me to wake me up?" I asked, yawning again.

"I'm no prince, you're out of luck," he replied, opening his door and hopping out of the truck.  I laughed to myself and unbuckled my seatbelt.  He surprised me by pulling my door open.  "But I guess I can try," he said, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me down out of the truck.  He kissed me hard with one arm around my waist and one hand tangled gently in my hair.  "Well?" he asked after he pulled away.

"Definitely awake," I said, nodding.  "And anyways, it doesn't have to be a prince, just a true love's kiss.  Though it's supposed to be a true love's first kiss."

"You are...so very special," he replied, laughing.  "I have no response to that."

"Not a Disney movie buff, huh?" I teased him.  He shook his head, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again.  I was pretty sure that nothing could keep me from being in an amazing mood right now.  He kissed me back and then we stood outside his truck with our foreheads pressed together for several seconds before I finally pulled away and peeked behind him at the house.
"Wow," I said, surprised.  "When you said Elize and Jason had a place here, I didn't imagine it looked like this."  The house was actually a gorgeous log cabin.  It was moderately sized and clearly well cared-for.  "It's beautiful."

"Wait until you see the inside," Damien said.  He pulled open the back door of the truck and grabbed our bags.  "Jason designed it himself."  Jason was a real estate developer, so I don't know why I was surprised by the house.

We headed inside and I admired the fireplace with the gorgeous stone surround, the high, vaulted ceilings, and the giant windows.  The furniture and decor was simple, accentuating the beautiful design of the home.  I followed Damien up the stairs and into a large master suite.  The suite has its own fireplace, but I was a little confused by its position in the wall.  It made perfect sense once Damien showed me into the bathroom and I saw that the fireplace also serves the bathroom.  It's right next to a deep corner tub that I could easily spend hours in.

"Okay, I'm going to need a house exactly like this," I told Damien, poking my head around the glass wall of the shower and seeing the multiple shower heads.  "I don't even need the whole house.  I just need this master suite."

"It's pretty amazing, isn't it?" Damien agreed.  We walked back into the bedroom and Damien wrapped his arms around my waist.  "I love you," he said, smiling at me.  "I'm excited to spend Christmas with you."

"Gross, stop it," I said, trying not to laugh.  He shook his head and tightened his arms around my waist.  "I'm just kidding," I amend.  "I love you too, and this is already perfect. Was your mom upset?"

"She was a little disappointed," he admitted.  "But she understood."  He leaned down to kiss me, but I yawned.  Damien laughed and said, "How about this?  I'll go out and pick up a few things from the grocery store for the weekend and you can lay down for a little while."

"I'll feel bad if you go by yourself," I protested.

"You can come if you want, but I don't mind going alone.  I'd rather you get some rest so you don't fall asleep on me as soon as we get back."  I had to admit it sounded great, because I really hated going grocery shopping.  I agreed to the plan and got settled in the comfortable king sized bed while Damien went downstairs.  I fell asleep almost immediately.

When I woke up and made my way back down to the living room of the house, I was surprised to see Damien sitting in front of the fireplace, untangling a string of Christmas lights.  I was even more surprised to see a tree in a stand in the corner of the room.  He grinned at me.  "Passed a tree stand while I was getting groceries," he explained.  "I thought the place could use a little festivity."  

"You're amazing," I said excitedly.

"I dug out some of their decorations.  Here, can you untangle this?  I picked up some dinner, and I'll go get it ready."

He stood up and handed me the string of lights, and I made him stop so I could kiss him.  "I love you the most," I said with a grin.

Damien was gone for a couple minutes, then came in with plates.  I abandoned the string of lights I was working on and sat at the small table in the corner by the tall windows to eat.  Damien set the plates down and returned to the kitchen.  When he came back out he had two steaming mugs in his hand.  He set one in front of me and said, "Hot apple cider with bourbon."

"Has anyone told you that you're absolutely perfect?" I asked him.

"I wouldn't go that far," he replied, chuckling and shaking his head.  "But I'll just be happy that you're happy."

We ate and then returned to the tree.  I turned on my Pandora Christmas music station and we drank our spiked cider and decorated the tree together.  I was showing off my sweet dance moves while we cleaned up the excess decorations when Damien wrapped an arm around my waist from behind and pulled me against him.  "You don't like my Christmas dancing?" I asked, laughing.

"Hmm, it's fine," he replied, his breath tickling my neck, "But I had something else in mind now."  He pushed my hair off my neck and started kissing along my shoulder and the back of my neck.  "Unless," he said, stopping abruptly, "You'd like to carry on dancing by yourself."

"No," I said quickly.  "No, I like your idea."

We ended up having sex pressed against one of the tall windows, which luckily wasn't visible by any other houses.  We left the rest of the Christmas decorations and our mess from dinner and went straight up to the bedroom.  It was a little chilly, but Damien turned on the fireplace and we climbed into bed.  "How are you still tired?" Damien asked, as I yawned and curled up against him.

"It was a long short week," I replied, shrugging.  It had been, since I'd had to try to cram a week's worth of work into two and a half days.

Turns out Damien shouldn't have talked, because he was asleep before I was.  I carefully extricated myself from his grasp and rolled onto my other side and got settled.  It didn't take me long, and I was soon asleep too.

Kinsley: Don't Apologize

Kaleb and I made plans to have dinner together in a few days, then not wanting to press our luck, we'd said goodbye.  After we hung up, I felt weird.  Not really anxious, not really excited, just weird.  I considered my options, then put on some running clothes.  I rarely ran by myself, but the situation seemed to call for it.

I got bored quickly and ended up only being out for about 20 minutes, but I still felt better after.   I took a long, hot shower, then pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt and grabbed my phone.  I called Damien and was surprised when he didn't pick up.  That man answered his phone more often than every other guy I've ever seen naked put together.

He called back just a couple minutes later.  "Sorry," he said when I answer.  "I was brushing my teeth."

"Already?" I asked.

He chuckled.  "Well, it's after 10, and I'm an old man," he teased me.

"It is?" I was surprised.  I thought it was closer to 8:30 or 9.  I hadn't even looked at the time when I picked up my phone to call.  "Oh."

"It is," he confirmed.  "What's up?"

"Nothing, never mind.  I didn't realize it was so late."

"Kins, what's up?" he pressed gently.

I shrugged, even though he clearly couldn't see me.  "I was just thinking I'd like to see you, but like I said, I didn't realize it was so late, so never mind.  Maybe tomorrow?"

"I'd love to see you tomorrow," he agreed.  "If you want to come spend the night tonight, I'd love that too.  I'm sure I'll be up for another hour or so, but if you're looking for something a little more exciting than watching TV in bed, I'm not your man tonight."

I laughed.  "Okay, well maybe I'll just call my other man, then," I joked.  "But seriously, if you don't mind, watching TV in bed with you actually sounds pretty great."

"Come on over," he replied.  "I'll just leave the door unlocked and you can come in when you get here."

"So you can be lazy?" I asked, laughing.

"Absolutely," he said, and I could hear him smiling.

We hung up and I packed an overnight bag then headed over to his house.  As promised, the door was unlocked and I let myself in, then locked it behind me.  I switched off the lamp he'd left on for me in the living room and made my way upstairs.

I found him laying in bed with the TV on.  He was watching the news like a mature adult.  "You watch the news in bed?" I teased him. "You are an old man!"

He cocked an eyebrow and smirked at me.  "Watch yourself there.  It would suck if you had came all the way here just to have to turn around and go home, don't you think?"

I laughed as I dropped my overnight bag in the corner and climbed into bed next to him.  "You wouldn't kick me out of your bedroom," I countered, pretending to pout.

"Not in a million years," he agreed, moving his arm so I could snuggle up to his side.  I kissed him, then settled my head on his shoulder.  Once I was settled, he wrapped his arm around me, stroking my forearm with his other hand.  "So, what's going on?" he asked.

"What?"

"You seemed really flustered on the phone, and you came over just to spend the night.  Is everything okay?"

"I called my brother," I replied, shrugging awkwardly.  "It's fine, I think.  It's just weird.  We're going to have dinner on Thursday."

"I hope it goes well," Damien said warmly.

I nodded and closed my eyes, suddenly tired.   Between the quiet, calm voices of the news anchors and Damien's fingers methodically stroking my arms, I was asleep within minutes.



My phone rang on Wednesday, and it took me a minute to place the number that popped up.  I finally realized it was Kaleb's number, and I just hadn't saved it.  I answered just before it stopped ringing.  "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Kaleb," he replied.  "So...this is kind of embarrassing, but I'm having some issues with my car, and I don't want to cancel tomorrow, but--"

"What if I come to you?" I asked, interrupting him before he has to stumble through too much of an explanation.

"That would be cool," he said.  "But you don't have to, I can always--"

"Knock it off," I interrupted him again.  "I'll come out there.  Text me your address okay?"

"Okay," he agreed.  We were quiet for long enough for it to get awkward, then we said goodbye.  Shortly after we hung up, I got a text with his address in Aurora.

Over the rest of the day and most of Thursday, my anxiety steadily increased.  By the time I was done with work and headed towards Kaleb's place, though, I was strangely calm.  We'd decided to just hang out for a little while, so I picked up some food and ate on the way.
 
I'm pretty sure Kaleb's apartment was on the sketchiest, dirtiest corner in all of Aurora.  I peered up at the rundown building, then checked the address for the fourth time.  Yep, this was it.  I got out of my car and walked up to the door.  The door wouldn't open when I tugged on it, but the call box next to it had a sloppily scrawled "out of order" sign on it.  I tugged on the door again, harder this time, and the lock clicked and it opened easily.  Some secure building.

When Kaleb opened his door for me, though, I was shocked by his apartment.  It was a studio, so it was small, but it was bright, clean, and had gorgeous wood floors.  "Wow," I said, stepping inside.  "I, uh, expected..."

"You expected my apartment to be as shitty as the rest of the building?  And the neighborhood?" he supplied with a grin.

"Yeah," I said sheepishly.  "I really did."

He chuckled.  "It used to be.  I fixed it up.  Do you want something to drink?"

"Water?"

He walked a couple steps into the tiny kitchen, grabbed a glass, and filled it with water for me, then we went into his living room.  He sat on his bed and I sat on the small couch, and we looked awkwardly at each other for several seconds.  "So," I said finally, "You fixed it up?"

"Yeah," he replied, looking relieved to have something to talk about.  "I talked the landlord into knocking $100 off my rent every month, plus whatever I spent in supplies.  I fixed some holes in the drywall, painted, ripped up the nasty old carpet, and restored the original wood.  I also replaced all the trim and did a little work on the bathroom."

"Wow.  Well, you did a really great job," I said, looking around.  "But all that for a rental?"

He nodded.  "I can walk to work, it's cheap as hell, and it's surprisingly quiet.  And it gave me something to do while I was looking for work.  Kept me out of trouble."

"Are you working now?"

"I am," he replied.  "I'm working nights at the gas station just down the block.  It's pretty boring, but I have time at work to study.  I'm going to school to become an electrician."

"Kaleb, that's great," I said sincerely, smiling at him.  "I'm proud of you."

He didn't say anything for several seconds, and the emotion in his eyes almost got me emotional, but he recovered by saying, "Oh come on, I'm not some fancy CPA dating a detective.  I'm the one that should be proud."

"Shut up," I said, rolling my eyes.  I took a deep breath and said, "Kaleb, I thought...well, I heard you were in Iowa.  With a girl."  I was finally ready to get a little more of my brother's story.

"I was," he confirmed.  "But who told you?"

I snorted.  "I ran into Aaron Rowe a few years back and talked it out of him."

Kaleb laughed.  "Aaron always did have a soft spot for you.  He wasn't lying.  I moved out there with a woman named Jaclyn.  She had family there.  I was in love.  I only lived out there with her for about two years though.  She ended up getting knocked up, and not by me.  So I moved back out this way."

"So, if I ran into Aaron somewhere around 3 years ago, and you were out there for 2 years..."

"I've been here in Aurora for a little over a year," he said softly.  "When I came back, I stayed with Will Casler in Colorado Springs for a little while."

"You've been back for that long?" I asked.  I was trying really fucking hard to not feel hurt and abandoned, but it was creeping back in.

"Yeah," he said.  "Kinsley, look, I--"

"No," I interrupted, looking away.  "I get it.  I mean, I don't actually get it.  Not even close.  But...just don't apologize okay?"

"Okay," he agreed.  "Oh," he said suddenly.  "Here, Dad thought I might see you before he did."  He stood up and walked over to his small, round dining table, then handed me a glove.  It was mine, and I had been looking for it since the day after Thanksgiving.  It must have fallen out of my pocket during the craziness that day.

"Oh, did he?" I asked sarcastically.  "Seems like a reasonable thing to think.  He's so mad he couldn't even call me to tell me he had my glove?  I would have told him to keep it."  I narrowed my eyes.  "And shove it up his ass."

"Mad?" Kaleb asked, snorting.  "No, I think he was a little scared of your boyfriend."

"Scared? Of Damien?"  This was amusing to me.  My family did not breed small men.  My brother was 6'2" and built like a brick wall...if brick walls had barrel chests and biceps the size of my head.  My dad was heavier than he used to be, but was a solid 6" man with broad shoulders and hard muscles.

"Oh, come on.  That boyfriend of yours isn't going to take any of Dad's bullshit, and you know it.  He carries himself like a cop.  He doesn't need to be loud or physically imposing to be intimidating as hell.  He just has this...quiet authority."  I knew exactly what he was talking about, and I nodded.  Kaleb frowned.  "Is he treating you right?"

"Better than I deserve," I admitted.

"Good," Kaleb responded fiercely.  "That's the way it should be."

I stayed for another hour or so.  Our conversation didn't quite move all the way to familiar and comfortable, but it definitely got better.  Finally, I stood and made my way towards the door, with Kaleb trailing behind me.  "It was really good to see you, Kinsley," he said, leaning against the wall next to the door.  "I've really missed you."

"I don't do that sappy bullshit, but I missed you too, Kaleb," I replied, trying desperately to stay stoic.  He chuckled.

"Can I hug you?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes, you asshole," I said, standing on my tiptoes and throwing my arms around his neck.  He hugged me tightly.

"You talk to your boyfriend like that?" he asked, smirking.

"Sometimes," I replied.

"What a lucky guy," he laughed.

I hugged Kaleb again and made my way back out of his pretty apartment and into the grungy hallway of the rundown building.  I went straight for my car and got in, then rested my forehead on the steering wheel.  I was breathing much harder than I should have been after hurrying down 3 flights of stairs.  I took a few deep breaths, then straightened.  When I attempted to put my key into the ignition, I realized my hands were shaking too.  "Jesus, get it together," I hissed to myself.  I rested my face in my hands and breathed deeply until the knot in my stomach loosened and my hands stopped trembling.  Finally, I was able to start my car and I headed towards home.

Kinsley: I Miss You

Hi everyone!  I hope you enjoyed last week's and this weekend's bonus posts.  If you missed them, be sure you go back and check them out.  This week will be back to business as usual, with two posts--one from Kinsley and one from Lauren.  This is the Kinsley post, and Lauren's will be up later this week.  I appreciate you guys being cool with my less-than-consistent schedule.  I'd love to always have posts up at a certain time on certain days but that just doesn't work for my life right now.  

I also wanted to update you on one of my other projects.  I promised a new blog, and I finally have the layout all set up for it!  I still need some work on the actual content, but I'm actively working on it.  I had originally thought I'd launch around the new year, but I'm guessing it will probably be closer to February.  I have a lot planned for Lauren and Kinsley, and I don't want to cut them off or be juggling two blogs unless I have a really significant number of posts created.  I'm really excited about the new story, though, and I'm having a hard time waiting to share it with you!  My semester is over in a couple weeks (holy cow) and I anticipate I'll have more time to write then, which I'm definitely looking forward to.
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Damien drove straight to his house, because it was closer.  Neither of us spoke.  We walked inside silently and I went straight to his kitchen for a glass of water.  I needed something to do with my hands.  I got two glasses and filled them with water, then brought them back into the living room where Damien was pacing absently around.  He looked like me when I'm upset.

I watched him pace and realized that I didn't like seeing him worked up.  I've always complained about his unflappability, but this was unnerving.  "I'm really sorry," I said miserably.

"You're what?" he asked sharply, stopping dead in his tracks.

I flinched at his tone.  "I'm sorry," I repeated softly.

He walked over to the couch and sat down next to me.  "Why are you sorry?" he asked incredulously.  His voice was quieter and he stroked the back of my hand lightly before pulling away to give me some space, which I welcomed.

"That was a giant disaster, and it was my fault because I can't just act like an adult."

Damien shook his head.  "You don't have to apologize to me.  You weren't wrong, so you don't have to apologize to anyone, but definitely not to me."

"But you're so angry," I pointed out.

His eyes got wide and his face softened immediately.  "I'm not angry at you, Kinsley."

"Oh," I said, relieving by the hard edges of his face melting back to what I knew.  "I just...I don't know, I've never seen you so agitated."

Damien sighed and rubbed his hand over his short hair.  "I was livid when your father grabbed you.  That's honestly probably the closest I've ever been to knocking someone out.  It's just taking me a little while to settle down.  I'm sorry if you thought I was angry at you."

I shrugged.  "I didn't know what to think, I've never seen you so worked up."

"I don't get this worked up very often," he agreed.

"Do you want to go for a walk, or a run, or something?" I suggested.  I couldn't just sit here and stew.  We decided to go for a quick run to blow off some steam.  I grabbed my gym bag from my car and surveyed what I had.  A good sports bra, two pairs of leggings, and a tank top.  I frowned.  Not exactly cold-weather running gear.

Damien dug out a long sleeved shirt for me to wear.  When he came back over to me with it in his hands, I was standing in the middle of his room in my sports bra, pulling my hair back into a ponytail.  His eyes fell to my arm and his jaw clenched tightly.  I followed his gaze down to my inner arm and saw the bruises darkening there.  I waited for him to say something, but he just handed me the shirt and went back to changing.

Damien's obvious anger made me uneasy.  Not because I was scared or uncomfortable being around him when he was angry, or that I thought he'd do something stupid, but just because it was so out of character for him.  I don't like things that don't happen how I expect them to.  I hoped that the run would help him feel better.

I had a hard time keeping up with him at first, but he quickly realized he was pushing me too hard and slowed to a more manageable pace.  "If you want to go ahead, you can," I told him.  "I'll be okay."

"No, this is good," he replied.  We continued in silence, our foot falls one of the only sounds on the dark, deserted, snow covered path near my house.  Everyone else was inside, enjoying their turkey comas and pumpkin pie.

We ran for...I don't even know how long.  Until my legs couldn't do it anymore, and I slowed to a walk.  Damien stopped just a couple steps later, and silently we turned around.  We walked back, and it took a really long time.  By the time we got back, I felt 10 times better.

Standing in my room, I stripped off Damien's long sleeved shirt, which was now drenched in sweat, and tossed it into my laundry basket.  "I'll wash it," I promised him.

"That's fine," he replied, shrugging.  "Can I see your arm?"

Reluctantly, I held it away from my body.  The bruises had darkened into distinctive finger marks.  He held my arm gently above the elbow and frowned.  "You could file a police report," he said calmly.

"No," I replied immediately.

Damien raised an eyebrow.  "Kinsley, your father assaulted you."

"So?"

"So, he shouldn't be able to get away with it."

I shook my head.  "No, but I'm just done, Damien.  If I file a police report, I have to deal with whatever the aftermath is.  If I just ignore it, I can finally truly be done.  No one would blame me from cutting off contact with him."

"But--"

"No!" I snapped, feeling my calm from our run quickly fading.  "I'm not doing it, Damien.  And you can't talk me into it, so just stop."

"Okay," he said softly.  "I didn't mean to push.  I just want you to know that he can't do that shit."

I nodded, but then something occurred to me.  "Fuck!" I exclaimed, pushing my hands into my hair.

Damien raised his eyebrows.  "What?"

"I so busy being pissed off that I didn't even ask my brother for his phone number, or email address, or something!" I started pacing.  I was angry at myself.  This had been my only contact with my brother--who practically raised me for the first 10 years of my life--in 17 years, and I couldn't even get my shit together enough to get a way to contact him?  "Damn it!"

"Kinsley," Damien said, breaking into my thoughts.  "I have his number."

I stopped, spinning to face him.  "You have his number?  How?" I demanded.

"He gave it to me before he went out to try to talk to you."

"Why?  Why the hell would he give it you?"  I started pacing again.

Damien's eyes followed me.  "He wanted you to be able to get a hold of him if you decided you wanted to, and he was worried that you wouldn't take it from him.  He had a feeling you were going to be angry at him and wouldn't want to talk to him.  He gave it to me so if you decided later that you wanted to talk to him or see him again, I could give it to you."

I laughed bitterly.  "17 years.  Gone almost two-thirds of my life...and he still knows me better than I know me.  That motherfucker."

"Do you want it?  Or should I just hold onto it for awhile longer?"

I considered this.  "Will you hold onto it for awhile longer?  I don't know if I'm ready."

"Of course," he replied.


It took a week before I decided that I wanted Kaleb's phone number.  Damien readily handed it over and offered to sit with me while I called, but I declined.  I needed to do this on my own.

It was another 3 days before I finally sat down and made the call.  I waited anxiously as the phone rang, and when his voicemail picked up I quickly hung up, sighing with disappointment and relief.  I jumped when my phone rang just seconds later, and I recognized the number I just dialed.  I hit the "answer" button on the screen and lifted my phone to my ear with a shaky arm.  "H-hello?" I stuttered.

"Kinsley?"  Kaleb's voice sounded surprised.  "I hoped...well...hi."

"Hi," I replied.

We were both silent for several seconds.  "I'm glad you called," Kaleb said finally.

"Me too," I said.  "Kaleb..."  I suddenly felt incredibly emotional.

"I know," he said softly.  I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.  "I miss you, Kinsley."

"I miss you too," I agreed.  "I hate you, and I love you, and I miss you."

He laughed.  "I love you too, kid.  Man, I am so happy you called."

I finally got myself together and said, "I have a question that I need you to answer before we just jump back into pretending to be people that know each other."

He chuckled.  "Ask me anything, Kins," he said.

"How did Dad get a hold of you?  Has he had your number all this time?  Where did you even come from?"  He didn't answer at first, and I continued.  "You know that at some point I'm going to ask you why you disappeared, but I'm not ready for that, so don't tell me that."

I heard him take a deep breath, and I imagined him making the face he always made when he was puzzled or trying to explain something really complicated to someone.  I wondered if he was going to try to make shit up.

Finally, he said, "I'm trying to figure out how to explain without telling you why I disappeared.  Well, the short version is this:  A guy I used to run with works at Dad's company.  Dad had tried to get a hold of me through him before.  With everything that was happening with Mom, Dad made a last ditch effort and just told the guy what was happening.  He called me and explained, and I called Dad.  Dad invited me for Thanksgiving, and Kins, I swear he didn't tell me you were going to be there.  I would have tried to make him warn you if I knew.  I wouldn't have wanted to surprise you."

"I didn't know you were going to be there either, obviously," I said.

"Obviously," he teased me gently.  We were both quiet for several seconds, then he said, "Look, you may not be open to this--and I respect that--but I'd really like to catch up with you.  Maybe when you're ready...if you're ever ready, that is...maybe we could hang out or something."  His words were halting and full of pauses, and I could tell he expected me to shut him down.

And honestly?  My initial reaction was to want to shut him down.  He'd left me when I needed him most, and he hadn't come back.  Well, until now, anyway.  But he had his own shit to deal with, and he never should have had to be there to take care of me in the first place.  Instead of shutting him down, I took a deep breath and thought for a second.  "It's okay if you don't want to," Kaleb said, reading my silence as rejection.  "I really do understand.  I just want you--"

"No," I interrupted him, before he could get too carried away on his reassurances.  "I think...I'd like that."

"Yeah?" Kaleb asked.

"Yeah," I confirmed.  Then I laughed.  "This is really weird, isn't it?"

"It is," he agreed.  "But Kinsley?  I'm glad.  And I already said it, but I miss you."

"I miss you too," I replied, even though he was right and we'd already been through this.  But it didn't matter.  All that mattered is that he knew that I really did miss him.

Kinsley: Thanksgiving part 2

"Happy Thanksgiving," my dad said cheerfully.  "Isn't it nice that your brother was able to join us, Kinsley?"

"Sure," I replied, too shocked to come up with a better answer.  I stared at Kaleb.  I hadn't seen or talked to my brother in almost 17 years. He looked different than I would have expected.  Of course, the last time I saw him, he was a teenager in a court room in gray jail clothes and handcuffs.  I hadn't spent a whole lot of time thinking about what he'd look like now, but when I had, I certainly hadn't imagined him clean cut and in a button-down shirt.

Next to me, Damien stepped forward and held out his hand.  Kaleb stood and shook it.  "I'm Damien, Kinsley's boyfriend," he said.

"Kaleb, Kinsley's brother," he replied.  "It's really nice to meet you."  I realized then that Damien and Kaleb were roughly the same age, and for some reason that thought made me feel a little nauseated.  I watched as Damien and Kaleb sized each other up and I suddenly felt a wave of anxiety.

"Damien," my dad said suddenly.  "There's something I'd like to show you."  Damien glanced at me, but I was too busy watching my brother, so he headed out of the living room with my dad.

"I'd better check the turkey," Christina said.  She stood and walked towards the kitchen.  Alone with my brother was the last thing I wanted to be right now, so I spun and walked towards the back door, shoving my arm back into my coat sleeve.

"Please tell Damien that I'm out back for a couple minutes if he comes back before I'm in," I requested politely as I passed Christina.  I didn't wait for a response, just went out the back door, down the steps, and all the way to the end of the backyard.  I felt suddenly and inexplicably furious that this was not the yard of the house I grew up in.

I stopped at the back edge of the property and leaned up against a tree, facing away from the house.  Their house was on the very edge of the city on a little over an acre, and the yard was long and narrow.  I felt safe this far from the house.  I pressed my cheek to the rough bark of the tree and took a deep, shaky breath, staring out into the growing darkness.

After several minutes, I heard footsteps approaching.  I figured there was a 50-50 chance if it was Damien or Kaleb, and I didn't turn around.

"Hey Kinsy-bug," Kaleb said softly.

"You don't get to call me that anymore," I replied coldly, without turning around.

He chuckled softly.  "Does anyone?"  I didn't answer, choosing to continue facing away from him.  "I hear you're a CPA," he tried.

"You heard correctly," I said snottily.

"And dad says your boyfriend is a cop?"

"He's a detective," I corrected him.  I knew I was being unreasonable, but I didn't care.  Not even a little bit.

"Look, Kins, I know you're mad at me--"

"You think I'm mad at you?" I snapped, finally whirling around to face him.  "I'm not mad.  Kaleb, I am fucking furious at you!"

"I know," he replied calmly.  He shoved his hands in his pockets and returned my stare, though his was softer, not angry.

"No!" I growled, fury bubbling up inside me.  Fury, and something else.  Something that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  Hurt?  Disappointment?  Whatever it was, I shoved it down and focused on my anger.  Anger kept my head in the game.  "No, you don't know.  You don't have any idea.  You left me.  You fucking left me, Kaleb!  You were the only one that ever gave a shit about me, and you abandoned me, goddamnit!  You left me alone with them, and you never came back."  I was yelling now, and I didn't even bother trying to moderate my volume or tone.

I was so busy yelling at Kaleb that I didn't notice Damien approaching until he appeared next to me.  "Kinsley, is everything alright?" he asked me.  He had his calm voice on, his detective voice.

"Yeah," Kaleb started.  "We're just--"

"I wasn't asking you," Damien said, cutting him off.  He said it softly and matter-of-factly.  "Kinsley?"

"No," I replied, but I wasn't talking to Damien.  I was looking directly at Kaleb.  "It's not okay.  No one took care of me after you left.  I was a 10-year-old kid that had to be a grown up, and I knew nothing about being a grown up!"

Kaleb's expression softened and he took a step towards me.  Damien shifted slightly, a silent warning to Kaleb to stay put.  Kaleb stopped in his tracks.  "I know, Kinsley," he said softly.  "But I wasn't supposed to be the one that had to take care of you."  I didn't say anything.  "It wasn't fair to me, and it wasn't fair to you.  It wasn't my job, but I did the best I could until I couldn't anymore."

I didn't speak, because I knew he was right.  I knew he was right and I knew I was being unfair.  I couldn't admit that right now, but I bit my lip and quietly said, "Okay."  I looked off over his shoulder when I said it, but when I returned my eyes to Kaleb's face, I could tell he knew what was under the dismissive-sounding word.

"Okay," he agreed.  I smiled a little, and Kaleb grinned back.

Damien looked really confused by the sudden release of tension, but wrapped his arm around my shoulder as I began to walk back towards the house.

"Hey Kinsley?" Kaleb said.  I stopped and turned.  "Who taught you how to drive?"

I smiled sadly at his random question.  "My boyfriend," I answered.

He raised one eyebrow.  "You were dumb enough at 16 to let a teenage boy teach you how to drive?"

"No," I replied simply.

Understanding dawned on his face as he realized that meant my boyfriend had been at least 20.  He'd been 22, but I wasn't going to tell him that.  "I would have taught you," he said, grimacing. "You know, if I'd been around."

"I know," I assured him.  Then I turned again and continued towards the house.  Damien walked with me, but Kaleb stayed put, staring out into the darkness.

I had barely stepped in the door when my dad said, "We're waiting for you, are you done with your little tantrum?"

I felt my eyes get wide.  "My...little tantrum?" I echoed.  "My little tantrum because my brother, whom I haven't seen or heard from in 17 years was randomly here?  I feel like that's something that deserves a little warning.  I was a little flustered."

My dad sighed.  "At some point you need to grow up and start acting like an adult, Kinsley."

Next to me, Damien bristled.  "Oh, fuck you," I snarled at my dad.  "I've been acting like an adult since I was 8 years old and had to do my own fucking laundry because you and my worthless pill popping mother couldn't be bothered to meet my basic needs.  I'm more of an adult than you'll ever fucking be!"

"Don't you talk to him like that in this house!" Christina snapped at me.

I snorted.  "Fuck you too, you home-wrecking whore."

"Get out!" my dad roared, standing up and kicking his chair away before taking two menacing steps towards me.  Damien quickly stepped in front of me, blocking my dad's path to me.

"I would be delighted," I replied.  I pushed past Damien and my dad, but my dad grabbed me roughly by my upper arm and yanked back, stopping me dead.  I winced at his tight grip, his fingertips digging into the tender flesh at the inside of my arm.  He was pressing so hard into my arm that he must have been compressing an artery or something, because my fingertips started to tingle within seconds.

He started to say something, but Damien interrupted him.  "Let her go," he said, his voice deadly calm.  "Take your hands off of her immediately."

"Or else what?" my dad asked flippantly, while Christina shrieked, "If you touch him, I'm calling the cops!"

Damien ignored Christina.  "Mr. McLaughlin, let go of your daughter so we can leave before anyone does something they'll regret."  His voice was so soft that Christina had to stop her wretched yipping in order to hear what he was saying.  Damien's dark gray eyes were steely and trained directly on my dad's face.

My dad laughed and let go, giving me the slightest shove forward as he did.  I wasn't ready for it, so I stumbled, but caught myself on the wall.  "As far as I'm concerned, she's not my daughter anymore.  She's all yours.  Good luck.  No returns."

I snatched my purse off the hat rack by the door and forced myself to walk calmly out of that house with my head held high.  Once we were both in my car was another story, and I pulled my knees to my chest and curled into a ball against the door.

"Are you okay?" Damien asked as he started the car.  "Physically, I mean."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied.  I snuck a glance at him.  He hadn't let his poker face drop yet, but his knuckles were white on the steering wheel and his jaw was clenched tightly enough that I could see the corded muscles in his neck straining against his skin.  I wasn't in much better shape, and I shoved my hands deep into my pockets so I didn't have to watch them tremble.  Sucking in a shaky breath, I leaned my head against the cool glass of the window and shut my eyes as Damien pulled away from the curb.

Kinsley: Thanksgiving part 1

Next week's bonuses (and Thanksgiving) are starting early!  I've got two Kinsley posts and two Lauren posts for this upcoming week.  I hope you enjoy them :)
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"My dad wants us to come to Thanksgiving at his house," I complained to Damien, hanging up the phone.  I was curled up next to him on the couch, with just our arms and legs touching.  We were planning to have Thanksgiving dinner with Damien's family, because I assumed I wouldn't be invited after my dad hung up on me the last time we talked.  Of course, he didn't invite me in a timely fashion--he waited until the day before Thanksgiving to invite us.

"What do you want to do?" Damien asked.

I sighed.  "I don't know.  I don't really want to go, but I probably should at least stop by."

"What time is their dinner?"

"5."

"Well, if you want to stop by, we'd be able to do both my family and yours," he pointed out.

"I know," I agreed.  "Are you okay with going with me?"

"Of course," he said immediately.  So that was how we ended up with plans to go to two different Thanksgiving meals.

I was looking forward to dinner with Damien's family.  Even more so once I found out that Adrienne was spending the day with her new boyfriend's family.  Damien's family ate at noon, and we were planning to get up and go for a quick run together before we got ready and headed over.  I know, we're pretty much the worst.

I was expecting to wake up to my obnoxious alarm, but instead I woke up to Damien softly kissing my shoulder.  I slowly became more aware of my surroundings and could feel his hand caressing my hip and thigh.  I shifted, and Damien softly asked if I was awake.  I mumbled something unintelligible in response.  He kissed shoulder again, then started to shift away from me.  "No," I groaned.  "Come back."

Damien chuckled and moved back towards me, and then his mouth was back against my shoulder, this time nibbling experimentally.  "I thought we were going for a run," I mumbled, yawning and trying to wake up.  I love morning sex, but it takes me awhile to get into it.

"I'd rather do this," he replied, his lips moving against my skin and his hand sliding up my side to my breast.  "Unless you'd rather go for a run..." He gave my nipple a quick tug and then teasingly slid his hand away.

"No," I said again.  I reached for his hand and placed it back on my breast, then arched my back, pressing my hips against him.  I could feel him against me, and I was pretty sure he wouldn't be doing any running in the state he was in.  He rolled my nipple between his fingers and I sighed.  "Feels good," I said, still not awake enough for full sentences.

"Good," he replied, sliding the tip of his tongue up my neck and surprising me by sharply nipping at my earlobe.  I gasped in pleasure and surprise, then groaned as he sucked gently on it, easing the sting of the bite.  Meanwhile, his hand had left my breast and was sliding down my stomach, and I eagerly bent one knee up, waiting for his fingers to stroke me.  I was disappointed when he chose instead to trail his fingers up the inside of my thigh towards my knee.  Finally, his hand dropped between my thighs and he buried two fingers inside me while rubbing circles against my skin with his thumb.  I reached behind me to stroke him while he worked his fingers inside me.  He stopped abruptly just before I came, and I groaned angrily.

"Relax," he replied teasingly.  He lifted my top leg and guided himself achingly slowly into me.  I tried to rock my hips back against his to speed up the process but he clamped his hand down, holding me in place and stopping his own forward progress.

"God, you're the worst," I muttered.  I started to say something else, but was cut off by him suddenly and quickly pushing the rest of the way inside me.  "Fuuuck," I groaned instead, turning my head into the pillow to muffle my moans.  After I came, I rolled away from him, pushed him onto his back, and got on top.  I had one more orgasm before he finished, gripping my hips tightly in his hands.

I barely managed to get off of him, collapsing with my head on his chest and my leg draped over his.  "Good morning," I mumbled.

"Good morning," he replied.  "That was better than a run."  I nodded and yawned.  We ended up falling back asleep before waking up to an alarm Damien must have set when he decided to scrap the run.

After getting ready, we headed to his mom's house.  She greeted us warmly and immediately put Damien to work in the kitchen.  I offered to help but she refused to let me, so I sat at the kitchen island and smirked at Damien.

It was so nice not having Adrienne lurking around making snide comments.  Elize walked in, carrying a large bowl and admonishing one of her children.  Luke and Amelia ran right into the kitchen and hugged Claire, who then shooed them away.  I offered again to help but was refused, so I went into the living room with the kids to keep them occupied.

"Kinsley!" Amelia shrieked.  In her haste to greet her grandmother, she hadn't even noticed me sitting at the island.  She clambered up into my lap and kneeled on my thighs so she was eye level with me.  "Guess what I can do?"

"What?" I asked, laughing and shifting her slightly so her bony knees weren't digging into my legs quite so painfully.

"I can write my name!"

"No you can't!" Luke called from across the room.  "No one can read it."

"I can too!" she replied angrily, making tiny fists and sending a scowl Luke's way.

I leaned down and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen out of my purse and handed them to Amelia.  "Show me," I suggested.  She happily complied, wrapping her fist around the pen and drawing huge, shaky letters across the page.  She ran out of room at the L and squeezed a tiny I and A down the side of the page.

"Wow!" I exclaimed cheerfully.  "Great job, Amelia!"  She beamed up at me.

"But you can't even read it," Luke complained.  "I can write my entire name."

"Well come and show me," I said, motioning him over.  He took the pen and paper and scowled at Amelia's name, then flipped the paper over and scrawled out his first, middle, and last name.  "That's awesome, Luke!" I praised him.

Elize stuck her head in the room and breathed a sigh of relief.  "Thank you," she said.  "They're both cranky today and I'm about at the end of my rope.  I got a little worried when I didn't hear them."

"We're fine," I replied, smiling at her.  "Go ahead and take a break, we'll hang out in here."

"You're my favorite person right now," she said.  "You guys be good for Kinsley."  They didn't even look up at her and she hurried back towards the kitchen before they noticed.

I spent the next 20 minutes refereeing their arguments, watching Amelia write her name over and over, and rolling wayward toy cars back to Luke.  Amelia finally got tired of Luke repeating that he could write his whole name, and demanded I show her how to write her whole name too.  I was in the middle of doing that when I looked up and saw Damien leaning against the doorframe, watching me with a small smile playing at his lips.

"What?" I asked, suddenly self-conscious.

He smiled wider and came into the room, sitting on the floor next to me.  He kissed my cheek, which earned an "Ewwww, that's so gross!" from Luke, and said softly, "I love watching you with them."

"Look Uncle Damien!" Amelia squealed.  She held up her paper triumphantly.

He took it and grinned at her.  "You're a good writer, Amelia," he said.

She stood and climbed into his lap, nestling against his chest.  My heart melted a little.

"Teach me how to write Kinsley's name," she demanded, shoving the pen into Damien's hand.   He chuckled and drew out the letters for her.  Amelia grinned wildly when she finished copying them.  She started to ask for something else, but Elize came back into the room and told the kids to go wash their hands for dinner.

"Thank you," she said to me as Damien and I stood to trail them out of the room.  "You're a lifesaver."

"Claire wouldn't let me help in the kitchen, so it was the least I could do," I assured her.  "And I love hanging out with them."

"They love hanging out with you," she replied.  "Well, Amelia does.  I'm not sure if Luke likes anything."  I laughed as we made it into the kitchen.  We washed our hands too, then sat down at the table.

The meal was amazing, and I ate so much I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to eat at my dad's house.  Oh well, their meal was never this good.  We lingered a long time at the table, drinking wine and talking boisterously.  I actually had fun, which is something that is a foreign concept to me at a family event.  It was nice to not have Adrienne there, but I think I still would have had fun even if she was.  This Thanksgiving dinner felt like every Thanksgiving dinner I'd wished desperately to have growing up.

Once we'd recovered from the meal, Claire brought out the pies.  She'd made pumpkin, pecan, apple, and peach, and I had the hardest time deciding.  We stayed and hung out until it was time to leave to go my dad's house.  I almost suggested we skip my dad's and just stay, but I'd already told him we'd be there.  I may be immature and rude but I'm not a complete social clod.

"Sorry we ended up staying so long," Damien said as he opened my car door for me.  We'd taken my car, but I let him drive.

"Are you kidding?" I replied.  "I had a really great time.  Your mom is the most amazing cook."

He grinned at me and said, "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

We drove straight to my dad's house, and I quickly lost my cheerfulness as we got closer and closer.  I don't know why I even decided we should come.  I was dreading it.  Damien glanced at me a couple times but remained mercifully quiet.

He parked in front of my dad's house and looked over at me.  "Ready?" he asked softly.  I nodded and we got out.  I was already regretting my decision, but I squared my shoulders and told myself to grow up.

I knocked, not feeling comfortable enough to just walk into his house.  Christina opened the door and smiled tentatively.  I greeted her politely as we walked into the house.  I started to take off my coat, but stopped dead--one arm in a sleeve, one arm out.  I stared at the people in the living room, not sure if my eyes were playing tricks on me.  I could feel Damien watching me curiously.

"Happy Thanksgiving," my dad said cheerfully.  "Isn't it nice that your brother was able to join us, Kinsley?"

Kinsley: 312 Steps

Even though I love to work out, running and I don't get along.  I just hate it.  I would much rather spend my time in a spin class or lifting weights, or doing something that's actually fun outside like kayaking, or hiking, or skiing.  I actually want to like running, but I've tried a few times and I just can't get into it.

When I decided, right after our Labor Day camping trip, that I wanted to try again, Damien offered to run with me.  I'd rolled my eyes and basically said "thanks, but no thanks."  Damien was one of those people that loved running, and there was no way I'd keep up with him.  But he prodded me a little, promising to go at my speed and help me come up with a workout plan that didn't suck.  Finally I agreed, and it turns out that when you turn running into a social activity, I like it a lot better.

It had now been a little over a month and I was running two miles without stopping, which was pretty good since if I was running by myself, I'd huff and puff for about 2 minutes and call it good.  He even had me getting up and running on Sunday mornings with him.  He'd go out and run for awhile, then come get me and we'd run together for a little bit.  It's actually pretty disgusting in that "couple that does all the things together" way.

Today when we got back from our run, Damien told me to go ahead and shower first.  I refuse to share the shower, so he was used to that by now.  I took a little longer than I had planned because once I got in the shower I realized I desperately needed to shave.  By the time I got out, Damien was sitting on my bed.  "Sorry," I said, "I didn't mean to take so long.  It's all yours."  Then I turned and saw the serious look on his face and instantly got nervous.  It was the same look he always got when I was freaking out about something stupid. "What?  What's wrong?"

"While you were in the shower, your phone rang.  I didn't answer it, but it was right there, so I saw it was your dad calling.  He called back again as soon as your voicemail picked up.  I thought it might be an emergency, so I answered."  I shifted nervously, wishing he'd get to the point.  "Kinsley, your mom is in the hospital; it sounds like an overdose.  Right now she's not conscious.  Do you want to go to the hospital?"

I stared at him, processing this information in my mind.  I was so surprised by what he said that all I could register is that he asked me if I wanted to go, he didn't assume.  I felt like he finally understood how I felt about my family.  He waited patiently while all this went through my head.  Then the weight of what he said hit me, and I nodded mutely.

"Okay," he said.  "Why don't you put some clothes on, and then we'll go."

"But you didn't take a shower yet," I pointed out.

"I can shower later," he replied calmly.

I stood there in my towel and shook my head stubbornly.  "No, you gave me the shower first, and I took forever.  You should shower."

"Kinsley--" he started, looking confused.

"Would you just take a goddamned shower?!" I snapped.  I had no idea why I was so upset about a fucking shower, but right now it seemed like a reasonable thing to be upset about.  I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath so my next statement could come out more calmly.  "Please.  Please just take a shower.  I need a minute to get dressed anyway.  You shouldn't have to not shower because my mom is crazy."  Then I turned away and dug in a drawer for a pair of jeans.  I heard him stand and seconds later, the shower started.

By the time I was dressed, he was out of the shower and drying off.  I wasn't in a hurry, so I slipped into the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb my hair, and by the time I was ready to go, he was too.  I almost said "I told you so," but what would it have accomplished?  Not a damn thing.  So I kept my mouth shut for once.

"Do you want me to drive?" Damien asked at the bottom of the stairs.  I took my keys out of my purse and handed them to him wordlessly.  He locked the house behind us and opened my car door for me.  I got in, put on my seatbelt, and rested my head against the cool window.  Damien got in and started towards the hospital.  He glanced at me once or twice, but he didn't speak, and I was grateful.  I didn't want to talk.  I don't know what I'd say.

We got lucky and Damien found a really good, recently vacated parking spot.  He led me through the doors, into the elevator, and pressed a button.  I didn't even see which floor he'd hit.  I didn't really care.  I briefly wondered how he knew where to go, then realized he probably got the information from my dad.  I wouldn't have thought to do that, but of course he did, because he functions perfectly when things are going wrong.

Damien led me to a small waiting area and I was pretty sure I couldn't get myself out of here on my own if I tried.  I looked up and saw that my dad and his fiancée, Christina.  I wondered why she was here.  She didn't give a fuck about my mom--obviously, since she didn't mind fucking him while he was still married to her.  Though, to be fair, my dad was here and neither did he.  And my fuck-giving about my mom was questionable on a good day, and here I was.  My dad rushed over to me and hugged me tightly, despite me trying to shy away from it.  I didn't want to be touched.  "What took you so long?" he asked, looking from me to Damien.  "Was traffic bad?"

"Dad, it's Sunday morning," I said, rolling my eyes.

He glared at me.  "You could show a little respect, with your mother in the state she's in."

I almost laughed.  Almost.  I also considered asking my dad why he cared about the state my mother was in, but managed to keep my mouth shut.  That's twice in less than an hour...I hope nothing else super inappropriate pops into my head, because statistically I'm overdue to say something stupid and impulsive.  I didn't know what was wrong with me, but my mood did not match the situation at all.  Instead of any of those things, I gazed passively at my dad and nodded.  Christina smiled sympathetically at me and I picked a seat as far away from her and my dad as I could and sat down heavily.  Damien and my dad spoke quietly for a minute, then my dad glanced my way and went and sat down next to Christina.

"Do you need anything?" Damien asked me, sitting down next me.  "Something to drink?  To eat?"  I shook my head, then leaned against the wall.  He brushed his fingertips lightly over my knee, then withdrew his hand and settled back in his uncomfortable chair.  "Your dad said that they're working on waking her up and someone will come out to talk to us when she's awake."  I nodded again.

Damien didn't try to touch me or talk to me anymore, and I was glad.  I didn't want to talk, and I definitely didn't want to be touched.  I shut my eyes and considered my feelings.  I was pretty sure that I should be scared, anxious, sad, or some manner of "upset" at the very least.  I was none of those things.  I was actually more concerned about not feeling those things than I was for my mom's wellbeing.   My mom had never been a big part of my life (at least as far as actual parenting was concerned) and I'd felt ambivalent about her since before I even knew the word "ambivalent."  I didn't want anything bad to happen to her, of course, so I didn't understand why I didn't feel anything.

I sat in my chair with my head against the wall and my eyes closed. It's weird what kind of memories go through your head when someone might be dying.  I watched them play out across the back of my eyelids like I was having a dissociative episode.

I was...6?  I rode the bus home from school.  I'd get off on the random corner that had been my assigned bus stop with 4 other kids.  Their moms and dads always met them there.  Mine didn't.  The moms usually gave me a worried look.  The dads ushered their precious offspring away from me quickly, as though deadbeat parenting was contagious.  I'd always walked home.  It was three and a half blocks.  I had to cross the busy street once.  I always counted my steps, and it took me 312 tiny 6 year old steps to get there.  Always 312.  I made sure of it.

That day, when I'd gotten home, the door was locked.  I'd panicked for a second until I remembered the key.  The key on the chain around my neck, tucked safely under my shirt.  I'd pulled it out and fit it into the lock.  It had been hard to turn.  I remember that.  I had been near tears from frustration by the time it turned, sliding the lock back easily, like it had been taunting me.

"Mom?" I'd called when I got myself in.  "Mommy?"  No answer.  I'd crept towards her bedroom.  The door had been open a crack, and I'd pushed it open further.  Of course it had creaked as it opened.

"What?" she'd snapped.  It was so dark in her room, I had barely been able to make out her outline, lying beneath the blankets on her bed.

"I'm home," I had said, softly.  

"Yes, I'm aware.  You make a lot of noise," she'd replied.

"Sorry," I had apologized, feeling the tears welling up again.  I had waited by the door, hoping she'd get up.

"What do you want?" she'd asked eventually.  

I had taken a deep, shaky breath.  "I- I'm hungry," I'd told her, regretting the words the second they'd come out of my mouth.

She'd sighed heavily, and I'd sniffled, trying desperately not to cry.  "You're a big girl, make yourself a snack."

"Is daddy coming home tonight?" I'd asked, ignoring her clear dismissal.

"No."  With that, she'd rolled over, presenting her back to me.

As I'd turned, she'd suddenly said, "Kinsley, sweetheart?"

"Yes?" I'd answered, turning quickly back around, hopeful.

"Be a good girl and get mommy her pills.  The little round ones that start with an X."

I had deflated immediately.  "Okay," I'd said dutifully.  

When I'd returned with the pill bottle, she'd rolled over and instantly sighed.  "And how am I supposed to swallow them?" she'd asked coldly.

"Uh...I'll go get you some water," I'd offered.

"No, I'll just take them.  It's fine.  Go."

I'd walked back into the kitchen, silent tears rolling down my face.  I hadn't been sure why I was crying, but I understood now.  I'd found an orange in the fridge and had peeled it carefully.  A couple hours later, my 14 year old brother Kaleb had come home, dropped off by a friend after a sports practice.  "Hey Kinsy-bug," he'd greeted me cheerfully, using the nickname I hadn't let anyone else call me.  "Where's mom?"

"Sleeping," I'd told him.

"Is dad coming home tonight?"  I'd shaken my head silently.  He'd put his bag in his room, made me some mac and cheese, kissed me on the forehead, and left.  Off to go hang out with some friends, I'm sure.  I'm still not sure if he came back at night or not.

Then there was the time when I was 8 and social services knocked on our door because I'd come to school without a lunch or lunch money and wearing the same clothes for over a week.  Kaleb had answered the door and let them in, because dad hadn't been home and mom had been in bed.  Mom came out while the social worker was talking to us, and she'd put on quite a show of being a loving parent.

After the social worker left, she had screamed at us for opening the door and talking to the social worker.  Then she'd promptly taught me how to do laundry.  I've been doing my own laundry ever since.

Not even two years after that, on his 18th birthday, Kaleb had stolen a car.  A teacher's car, right out of the parking lot in the middle of the school day.  He'd been caught later that day after he hit a little kid on a bike, seriously injuring the little boy.  He'd been charged with the theft and vehicular assault.  He'd ended up in prison for 6 years, and I'd never heard from him again after that.

Despite it all, I'd made it.  I'd turned out pretty well actually, I think.  I had always been smart.  I'd always done well in school.  My teachers had always liked me, though looking back, I wonder if it was because they felt sorry for me.  I had never been allowed to just be smart, though.  There was always an "even though" attached.  "Kinsley won the spelling bee, even though her brother just got arrested."  "Kinsley read the most books over the summer, even though her parents wouldn't ever take her to the library."  "Kinsley got a scholarship to DU, even though she was one absence away from having to go to truancy court."  "Kinsley is Salutatorian, even though she showed up to her physics final drunk."

I opened my eyes, not wanting to sit still anymore.  I guessed it had been over an hour, but when I looked at the clock, I saw it had barely been 20 minutes.  I sighed and stood.  Damien looked up at me.  "I need to move," I said softly.  "I'm going to go walk in the hall a little."

"Do you want company?" he asked.  I shook my head, hoping he'd understand.  I felt bad that he was here when I didn't really want anything to do with anyone, but I also didn't want him to leave.  He gave me a reassuring smile and said, "I'm going to go grab something to eat then, okay?  I'm getting hungry."

"Sure," I said, returning his smile with a small one of my own.  He stood and walked with me towards the hallway.  Before he walked to the right, away from where I was going, I grabbed his hand.  He looked back at me, surprised, and I stood on my toes to kiss him lightly on the cheek.  "Thank you," I said softly.

He squeezed my hand, then brushed a wayward piece of hair off my forehead.  His hand rested briefly on the side of my face, then he was gone.  I paced up and down the hallway.  As I walked, I counted my steps.  I'd count up to 312, then start over. I felt restless and I was starting to get nervous.  I was almost relieved that I was feeling an emotion typical of this situation.

When Damien returned, my eyes met his but I continued to pace, so he went back into the waiting area.  I wandered up and down the hallway, trailing my hand along the wall, trying not to think about how many germs I was picking up by doing so. When I was done pacing, I went back and sat down next to Damien again.  There was a sandwich, a bag of chips, a banana, and a bottle of water on my seat.  "For when you get hungry," he said.

"Thank you," I said.  I picked them up and set them down on the small table wedged into the corner.  "Damien..." I started.  He looked up.  "Um, if you have things to do you don't have to stay here," I said.  "I don't know how long we'll be here, and..."  I trailed off.  I wanted him here, but I didn't know how to tell him without making him feel obligated.  Because I didn't want him here if he was only here because he felt obligated.

"I'm okay," he said.  "I think I'll stay."  I tried not to let the relief show on my face.

"Thank you," I said softly.  I was starting to feel like a broken record.  At least I was a broken record with manners.  I reached for the sandwich and unwrapped it.  Ham, cheese, and tomato.  Perfect.  I took a bite and chewed.  It was kind of dry, and a little tasteless.  I opened the water and took a drink.  I managed half the sandwich, then wrapped the rest up and set it back down on the table.  I eyed the banana but I was starting to feel a little bit nauseated so I left it.

I shivered a little.  Why was the hospital so fucking cold?  I had just put on a long sleeved shirt, because it was a perfectly reasonable temperature outside.  Without a word, Damien pulled off his sweatshirt and handed it to me.  I started to protest but realized that that would just leave me cold, so I took it gratefully and pulled it over my head.  When I settled back into my seat, I was warmer, but I felt like I was going to randomly just explode with something stupid and impulsive.  I was restless, but more in my head than physically.  I readjusted and rested my forearm against Damien's.  He shifted so our arms ran parallel and were pressed together along the length of the armrest.  I sighed and shut my eyes, feeling grounded by the contact.  It was just enough.

We sat silently for what felt like another hour, but was really just 15 minutes.  I opened my eyes and looked at Damien.  "Will you walk with me?" I asked.

"Of course," he said.  He stood and offered me a hand.  I took it and stood, and we headed out to the hallway.  My dad was on his phone, probably doing work.  Christina was leisurely reading a book.  Seriously?  You go to the hospital and think, "Oh, hold on, let me just grab my book"?  No.  People don't fucking do that.  Then again, I practically forced Damien to take a shower, so who am I to judge?

"I don't think I can sit in there anymore," I said, once we were moving down the hallway.  I let my fingers dangle from his, so our hands were attached but we weren't quite holding hands.  "He's pissing me off, pretending to be concerned.  And I don't know why he dragged his tramp girlfriend along with him.  Or fiancée, or whatever the fuck she is."  I was moving out of "numb" and into "angry", though I wasn't sure exactly what my anger was directed at.

"We don't have to sit in there," Damien replied calmly.

"You must think I'm crazy," I said suddenly, stopping and looking at him.  He cocked his head curiously and gave me a questioning look.  "You're so involved with your family, and I can't even stand to be around mine."  I bit my lip and said, "I'm not even worried about my mom, just mad at everyone.  I don't know why we're here."

He shrugged.  "I stopped trying to understand the way you process your feelings a long time ago.  I won't pretend that I understand your relationship with your family either, but if you're okay with it, then that's enough for me."  Coming from someone else, that might have sounded condescending.  But right now, from Damien, it was honest and validating and exactly what I needed from him.  I sagged against him and he wrapped his arms around me, the only thing keeping me from slumping onto the floor.

"Damien?  I want to go home," I said, after several seconds of standing in the hallway in his arms.

"Okay," he said.  He didn't question me.  He didn't argue.  He just agreed.  He couldn't possibly be more perfect than he was in this moment.  We turned and walked back towards the waiting area so I could grab my purse.  I was sliding the straps onto my shoulder when a doctor walked into the waiting area.  I stood and watched as my dad and Christina both jumped up. Damien looked at me, waiting to see what I wanted to do.  After hesitating, I walked over towards the doctor to find out what was happening.