(Then) Lauren: Pretty Lies

Whoops.  I was editing this for next Friday and accidentally posted it.  Apparently the universe wants you guys to have two Lauren posts today.  I won't fight it.  If you didn't see the post from earlier, Flustered, you should scroll down and read that first, because otherwise you'll be out of order.  Enjoy my mistake! :)
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I see Ron Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and the next Wednesday too.

"You are in loooooove," Kendra sings, as I come in late on Wednesday night.

I roll my eyes.  "Yes, completely in love with someone I've been on 5 dates with.  That seems like a reasonable assumption."

"Plus an entire summer of hanging out," she points out.  I shrug.  That was true.  "Are you seeing him again soon?"

"I'm going to his apartment on Friday," I say casually, as I change into my pajamas.

"To his apartment?" she asks.  "That sounds scandalous."

"I hope so," I say, shooting her a wicked grin.

Friday rolls around and I can't help but be a little nervous.  I show up at Ron's apartment at 8, and he immediately pulls me into a long kiss.  He made dinner, and it smells and looks amazing.  After a few bites I comment, "This is really good," with mild surprise.

"Thanks," he replies, smiling at me.  "I don't cook often, but I pull out the skills every once in awhile to impress a pretty girl."  I roll my eyes and continue eating.  His phone rings from the counter and he cringes.  "Sorry, let me turn that off."  He walks over to grab it and I see him frown at it before silencing it.  He slides it into his pocket and rejoins me at the table.

After dinner we somehow end up in his bedroom, on his bed, making out.  His hands tentatively slide under my shirt, and I pause to pull it off, encouraging him.  When his fingers move down to the button of my jeans, he pauses and says, "Do you want to keep going?"  I nod, and help him pull my pants off.  I tug his shirt up over his head and he loses his pants too.

Several minutes later, he asks, "Do you want to...?"

"Yes," I breathe eagerly.  I do want to.

"Have you ever?"

I roll my eyes at his and huff out a frustrated breath.  All the questions are irritating me.  All two of them.  "Yes," I reply.  He doesn't need to know that it was only once, and it was meaningless and not good, and that I sort of hate myself for it.

But this?  With Ron?  Was more than once, meaningful, fucking amazing, and I loved myself for it.  Afterwards, I'm completely worn out and fall asleep almost immediately, with Ron's arm locked around my waist, his breath warm against my neck.  I feel safe, wanted, comfortable, and truly happy.

When I wake up in the morning, he's not in bed.  I look around, confused, but then I hear his voice from outside the bedroom.  I get up quietly and quickly pull my clothes on.  When I walk out of the bedroom, I see he's on the phone.  His back is to me and he doesn't hear me approach, because he's too busy saying, "I know... I love you, baby."

I make an involuntary noise that's somewhere between a gasp and a choke, and Ron spins around.  He stares at me for a second and then hangs up the phone without a word to whoever is on the other end.

"Who was that?" I ask, my voice sounding a lot calmer than I feel.  I feel like I want to punch him, smash his phone, scream at him, and cry...not necessarily in that order.

"My sister," he replies quickly.  Too quickly.  The phone starts to ring in his hand and he quickly silences it.

I raise my eyebrows.  "You call your sister 'baby'?" I ask sarcastically.  "That's sick."  I'm even more furious that he would lie to me when I just caught him.  I'm not stupid.  Don't you dare act like I'm stupid.  I fight for control of myself, knowing that there is no way in hell I will let him see how upset I am.  He doesn't deserve to know what kind of power he has over me.

Knowing he's caught, he stammers, "Laur, it's not what you think."

"Oh good!" I reply.  "So I didn't just overhear you having a conversation with the girlfriend you've been keeping a secret from me."  My favorite armor is up again, temporarily dulling the aching hurt and betrayal that I feel, and the dry, sarcastic words slip easily off my tongue.  He looks shocked, and I realize that he's never seen my sarcasm.  Well, I guess we both just learned something new about each other.

"Please, let me explain," he begs, and there is something desperate in his eyes.  It's that look that makes me stand there and wait.  "I'm going to break up with her.  I just...haven't been able to yet."

Inexplicably, this makes me laugh.  I grab my purse from the table and say, "I'm leaving.  Bye, Ron.  Good luck with your 'sister'."

"Wait," he says.  "Let me drive you, at least."

I laugh again, rudely.  "Do you really think I want to spend any more time in your company?"  And I'm out the door.  Once I'm down the stairs I pull out my phone and call Amanda.  She doesn't pick up.  I curse and try again.  Still nothing.  I know Ron doesn't live far from her, so I start walking in the direction I think she lives in.  After several minutes of walking, I spot her building and walk to it.  With every step, I feel my armor crumbling, and I'm getting closer and closer to having a meltdown right here on the sidewalk.  I'm certain that this is the worst walk of shame in the history of Denver.

When I get there, I ring her buzzer.  "Hello?" she answers, sounding sleepy.

"Amanda, it's me, let me in," I say quickly, desperately.  She buzzes me in, and her door is open before I even knock.

"Lauren, are you okay?  What are you doing here?"

I slump down onto her couch.  "I was at Ron's," I say quietly.

"Ron's?"  She asks, confused.  "But...he has a girlfriend."

"Yeah, I know," I reply bitterly.  "At least, now I do."  This is the last shred of my protective sarcasm that survived the walk, and I cling to it desperately as Amanda's eyes search my face, struggling to wrap her head around the scene.

"Oh no," she murmurs, understanding dawning on her.  "Laur, did you sleep with him?"

That question is my undoing, and as my armor shatters, I start to cry.  These are not silent, graceful tears.  These are gut-wrenching, ugly sobs that wrack my whole body.  I struggle to pull my knees to my chest as I melt down, wanting to be a small as possible, because that's how I feel.  She sits down next to me and puts her arms around me.  "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry," she says soothingly.  I'm surprised she's not lecturing me.

"Please, can you just take me back to the dorm?" I choke out between sobs.

"Of course," she replies.  Neither of us move, and she continues to hold me, stroking my hair as every ounce of anger and hurt floods out my body through my tear ducts, leaving just a numb, empty feeling behind.  I wipe my eyes and nose hurriedly with the tissue Amanda hands me, and once I've calmed down enough, we leave.

When we pull up near my dorm, she turns concerned eyes on me.  "Lauren, do you want me to come up?" she asks.  She knows I don't like to be alone when I'm upset.

"No, Kendra should be there," I reply.  I love my sister, but I can't bear to look at her right now.  She leans over and hugs me again, kissing the top of my head, and now more tears are leaking out my eyes.  Why won't they stop?  Finally, I manage to pull away.  "Thanks," I mutter, before shutting the door and heading in.

As I walk towards my room, the door suddenly opens and Kendra walks out with Alex and Christian.  Shit.  They spot me and Kendra says, "We're going to get some lunch, do you...Lauren?  Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I snap, far harsher than I intend.  Kendra cocks an eyebrow at my response, and Christian looks surprised.  "I'm fine," I repeat, forcing out a more civilized tone.  "I'm sorry."

Kendra nods calmly.  "Did you want to come get some lunch with us?" she asks.  I shake my head.  "Okay, well, I'll be back later.  Call me if you need anything."  I nod, still mute.

I pull the door to our room open and walk inside.  I'm throwing my purse on my desk when I realize that someone followed me in.  I turn, expecting Kendra, but instead I see Alex.  He walks over to the futon, pulls out his phone, sits down, and dials.  Looking up at me expectantly, he asks, "What do you like on your pizza?"

"Sausage and mushrooms," I answer automatically.  "Wait, what are you doing?"

"Ordering pizza," he replies.  Of course he is.  "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery....Large, sausage and mushrooms on all of it, then pepperoni and green pepper on half..."  He stands abruptly and opens the door to our mini fridge.  He frowns at the contents, or rather the lack.  He sees the empty Coke box next to the fridge and adds, "Two bottles of Coke also....Okay, thanks!"  Then he hangs up.  He hands me a bottle of water from our fridge, then sits back down on the futon.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

"Not really," I reply cautiously.  I sit down on the other side of the futon, completely confounded by his actions.

"Okay," he says.  He stands again and walks over to our meager DVD collection.  He grabs Pulp Fiction, pops it into the DVD player, and walks back to the futon.  At least he has good taste in movies?  We sit and watch in silence until we're interrupted by the pizza delivery person.  Alex pays for the pizza and sets the box on the floor in front of us, then hands me a piece.

"Thanks," I say softly.

Even after the pizza is gone, Alex is still sitting on my futon, watching my Pulp Fiction DVD.  "Why are you here?" I blurt suddenly.

He turns to me in surprise.  "Because you looked like you could use some company."  He says it simply, matter-of-factly.

I stare at him for a second, then say, "The guy I was dating has a girlfriend.  I found out this morning when I caught him telling her he loves her on the phone."

"Well that was stupid of him," Alex responds.  "Did you have sex with him?"

I gape at him.  How is that even close to an appropriate question for him to ask me?  But for reasons unknown to me, I answer.  "Yeah, unfortunately."

"Wow.  What a dick."  That's it.  No judgment.  No lectures.  Just a couple insults to Ron.

"No kidding," I reply.  Then I relax back against the futon to finish watching Pulp Fiction with Alex in comfortable silence.

(Then) Lauren: Flustered

Hello, lovely readers!  A few things before we get to Lauren...  There has been a significant spike in my page views this week.  Not sure if they're new readers or repeat offenders, but welcome to anyone new!  I had a request for a post from Brody's perspective about the work/Liv/etc situation, and I am working on it.  I hope to have it up sometime on Saturday, so you can come back for that!  And last, I just wanted to thank you guys all so much for the wonderful comments I've received lately.  You guys really know how to make something go to a girl's head ;)  Seriously though, you all (commenters and just readers alike!) make this blog worth the effort I put in, so thank you all so much for reading and commenting!
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"My baby sister, she lives!" Amanda announces dramatically when she answers the phone.  It's Sunday morning, and I'm lazing across my bed in my robe, putting off getting dressed.

"Hi, Amanda," I reply.  "You have a phone and the ability to make calls too, you know."  I can almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"I'm not the one that just moved to your city," she states.  "Anyway, I want to see you.  I'm having a couple people over on Saturday.  I want you to come, but I want to see you sooner too.  Want to go shopping today?"

"I can't today," I reply.  "I'm watching football with a friend."  I leave out that it's a male friend, and that I just met him and can hardly call him a friend yet.

"Oh good," she breathes.

"'Oh good' what?"  I ask.

"I'm glad you're making friends.  I was a little worried," she admits.

"Wow, rude," I mutter, affronted.  "That's a hell of a thing to say to someone whose company you wish to enjoy."

"Sorry, Laur," she chirps, not sounding sorry at all.  "I'm always worried about you.  Don't be mad."  And of course, I can't be mad at Amanda, infuriating though she can be.

"Whatever, Amanda.  What's the plan for Saturday?"

"Just come over around 7.  We're doing games and stuff.  There will be food and booze, so don't bring anything.  Unless you want to bring a friend or two, that would be good!"

"I'll ask my roommate," I say.

"Good!" she responds.  We chat for a few more minutes, then I catch sight of the time and realize I need to finish getting dressed and ready.  I say goodbye and stand, walking to my closet.  I quickly dress, pulling on jeans and my Ahman Green jersey.  I pull my straightener through my hair a few times, then debate makeup.  I settle on a little mascara, blush, and just balm on my lips.

"You look good," Kendra comments, looking up from her desk, where she's doing some homework.

"Thanks," I reply, a little self-consciously.

I'm a little nervous as I walk to Alex's dorm, hoping that I'm not completely misreading the situation.  But I don't need to worry.  The day goes off without a hitch, and Alex is a great football watching buddy.  He doesn't do anything to make me think that this was more than just a friendly thing.  After my nerves dissolve, I realize I'm actually really comfortable with Alex in a way I haven't been with anyone besides Liv (much less with a guy) in a really long time.

I end up staying until halftime of the evening game.  I realize I'd better get back to my room if I'm going to pay any attention in my 8am class tomorrow.  Why didn't anyone tell me that a Monday 8am class was a poor choice?

"I'll walk with you," Alex says.

"You don't have to, it's not far," I protest.

"I don't care," he replies.  "It's dark.  I'm walking with you."  I roll my eyes but secretly I'm a little pleased.  It's been a long time since someone besides my mom or Liv has been concerned about my safety.  We walk in the dark, chatting about the day's games.  When we get to my dorm, he smiles.  "Thanks for keeping me company today.  It was fun watching football with you."

I smile back.  "Thanks for having me.  Your TV is way better than mine."  We stare at each other for a couple seconds, then I hurriedly say, "Well, goodnight," and turn and walk inside.

Kendra is not in the room when I get there, and I'm grateful, not wanting to answer her questions about how the day was.  Everything had been so comfortable until the awkward ending.  Oh well.

The week flies by and soon Kendra and I are getting ready to head to Amanda's apartment. She insists on doing my makeup, saying, "Maybe you'll meet a hot, older man of your dreams."  I try to tell her that I probably already know most of the people that will be there, but she doesn't budge.  I finally cave and let her.  In the end, I'm pleased with the results.  She didn't do anything crazy, and I'm glad.

We take a cab to Amanda's apartment and Amanda lets us in.  I look around, recognizing mostly everyone there, as I suspected I would.  Then my eyes stop on a familiar face.  Ron.  Holy shit.  In the back of my mind, I knew he might be here, but I had refused to acknowledge the possibility.  He smiles at me and I feel myself melting under his gaze.  Kendra elbows me, ruining the moment, and gives me a subtly questioning look.

I give her a tour of Amanda's place and take a moment to whisper, "That guy?  In the gray long sleeved shirt?  He...we..." How do I explain it?  I had never told anyone about Ron.  Not Amanda, though she suspected something, not Liv.  No one.  "We spent a lot of time together the summer I was out here," I finish rather lamely.  "I...liked him, I guess."

"Liked?" Kendra whispers.  "Past tense?"  The look on her face says she doesn't think it's past tense, and I might agree with her skepticism.  I shrug.   We're out of time as Amanda calls for me and we walk back into the living room.  I introduce Kendra to everyone and Amanda introduces us both to the couple people there I haven't met. 

I stumble through the night, trying to wrap my head around the way the my heart skipped when I saw Ron.  I manage to avoid anything but brief, polite exchanges with him until almost the end of the night.  Amanda is drunk, laughing on the couch with her friends.  Kendra is talking to one of Amanda's friends, oblivious to much of anything else.  I feel suddenly overwhelmed, and I'm walking down the hallway to take a breather in Amanda's room when I hear footsteps behind me.

I turn and see Ron.  "Hey," he says softly.

"Hi," I reply, barely able to meet his gaze for some reason.  He steps closer and stops a couple feet away from me.

"You look great," he says.  "I didn't know you were going to school here."

"I am," I say, unnecessarily. 

"I know," he replies, fighting the corners of his mouth, which are turning up into a teasing smile.  After several seconds, he asks, "Can I see you sometime?  Without all..." he waves his hand towards the ruckus in the living room, "this?"

"Ummm..." I mentally kick myself for losing such control of my senses by merely being in his presence.  He raises his eyebrows at my hesitation.  "Yeah, sure." 

He takes my outward ambivalence in stride and smiles.  "Tomorrow?  Dinner, maybe?"

I consider this.  I had told Alex I would watch football with him again tomorrow, but there was no reason I had to stay all day again.  "Sure," I reply.  We make plans for him to pick me up on campus at 7:00.  I'll have to leave right after the second game, but that should work.  I wonder briefly if this is a date.  I think it probably is.  I'm disappointed that I'm thrilled by the idea.

Kendra and I leave shortly after.  I don't tell her about the date.  I go straight to the bathroom to get ready for bed when we get back.  I don't know why I'm avoiding talking to her about it.

In the morning, I call Liv.  Before I can stop myself, I spill the entire story of Ron (including details from the summer I met him).  As an afterthought, I tell her about Alex.  She's silent for several seconds afterward, and I assume she's judging me.  Just as I'm about to change the subject, she says, "So you're watching football with one guy, and then going on a date with the other?  That's awesome, Lauren!"

"What?" I ask, completely confused.

"You heard me.  I said that's awesome.  Keep your options open, meet people.  There's nothing wrong with it.  Do you still like Ron?"

I hesitate. "I don't know," I answer honestly.  "Yes, maybe.  Probably.  I don't know."

"You're flustered.  You don't get flustered, so you must."

"Yes, because being unsure of my feelings clearly means that I like him," I reply, rolling my eyes.  Liv laughs.  We talk for awhile longer before I have go get ready.

I assume that I'll feel weird when I'm at Alex's, knowing that in just a few hours I'll be going on a date with someone else.  But instead, I feel oddly powerful.  I let him walk me back to my room after the second game, and I get there with 45 minutes to change and put on some more makeup for my...date.


I'm startled by a knock on my door at 6:55.  I open it and see Ron standing there, looking absolutely amazing in a striped button down and dark jeans.  He smiles.  "Hey...I was going to meet you downstairs," I say, thrown off by how good he looks and the fact that he's here when I was planning on him being downstairs.

"I know you were," he replies, bending slightly to kiss my cheek.  "I wanted to meet you up here.  You look beautiful.  I'm a little early, but you look ready.  Are you?"  I nod, feeling suddenly shy.   He takes my hand and I step out of the room, glad that Kendra is out somewhere with Christian.

We catch up over dinner, and once I get used to being in his presence again, it starts to feel familiar.  We talk easily, no awkwardness here.  After dinner, we wander around the neighborhood for nearly an hour, hand in hand.  When he finally drops me off at my dorm, I insist on him not bothering to park and walk me up.  I don't want to be tempted to invite him in.  He agrees finally, but gets out and opens my door.

When I step out, he catches me around the waist and pulls me against him.  "I'm glad you're here.  I want to see you again."

"Okay," I say.  I realize that wasn't a very good answer, and add, "I'd like that."  He smiles at me, then presses his lips lightly against mine.  He pulls back slightly, but I lean forward and kiss him again.  He wraps one arm tighter around my waist and his other hand pushes into my hair, tilting my head up further as my lips part against his.  Finally, what I spent an entire summer wanting, and it's worth every second of the wait.  I sigh in disappointment when it ends.

"When?" he asks.  I look blankly at him, my mind still reeling from our kiss.  "When can I see you again?" he clarifies. 

"Thursday?" I suggest.  He agrees and we make plans for Thursday.

(Then) Lauren: Welcome to DU

Happy Thanksgiving to all my U.S. readers!  I hope everyone is enjoying time with friends or family and eating way too much food today. 

This is the last post for the week, but I'll see you guys Sunday evening with the next one! 
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I smile weakly at the RA that hands me the key for my room.  "Welcome to DU!  Your roommate hasn't signed in yet, so it's just you so far," she says cheerfully.  "I'll take you and your mom up there and then you can go ahead and get all your stuff moved in.  You should fill out this Inventory form with anything of concern in your room, so you're not charged for it at the end of the year.  I'll be here if you have questions along the way." 

I nod, completely overwhelmed already.  I have no idea why I thought it was such a good idea to go to school so far from home.  My mom and Liv have been my world for the past several years, and I suddenly can't figure out why I wanted to leave that.  At least my sister still lives here in town, but I'm worried about my mom, who'll be all alone at home.  As if reading my mind, Mom says, "Don't worry, sweetie.  Let's go get your stuff!"

Mom and I haul all my stuff from the giant SUV borrowed from one of her coworkers for the move.  Shortly after we make the last trip, a brunette with a placid smile steps into the room.  "Hi," she says sweetly. "I'm Kendra."

"Hi," I reply.  "Lauren, obviously."  We had talked on the phone a couple times, coordinating who was bringing what.

She surprises me with a quick hug, and her smile grows.  "I'm so glad to meet you finally," she says.  "I'm going to bring my stuff up."

I glance at Mom, who is smiling at me.  I wish everyone would stop looking at me like that.  It makes me feel weird.  "Honey, I'm going to go check into my hotel room," she tells me.  "Why don't you get settled in and get to know Kendra, and I'll pick you up tonight for dinner?"  I very suddenly do not want her to go, even for just a few hours.  She must see the panic on my face because she pulls me into a hug, saying, "You'll be fine.  I'll see you for dinner."  She pulls away, then adds, "6?"  I nod and say goodbye.

I help Kendra with her stuff, and we get to know each other while we haul it in.  Once it's all in, we both consider unpacking but instead flop down on our beds to be lazy.  This is going to be a great partnership.

My mom picks me up at 6 for dinner, and we go to a restaurant that Kendra recommended.  It's good, and I'm able to forget about the fact that my mom is leaving in the morning to drive back to Wisconsin.

We make plans to have breakfast together before my mom heads back in the morning, and she drops me off back at the dorm.  In the morning, after breakfast, I manage to not cry at all, which is more than I can say for my mom. 

The week of orientation flies by.  I'm excited for the start of classes.  High school was such a joke and I'm hoping for more of a challenge.  And you know, actually learning things.

The first week of classes is a serious let down.  The first day of every class devoted to nothing but going over the syllabus?  I can read on my own, thank you.  I'm already a week ahead in my reading and was hoping for something a little more stimulating.

On Thursday of the first week of classes, my phone rings, and I am thrilled to see that it's Liv.  "Hello?" I answer excitedly.

"Lauren!" she exclaims, sounding just as excited.  "I miss you already.  This making new friends thing is overrated.  You should just transfer here."

"Don't tempt me," I warn her.

"How is it?  How's your roommate?" she asks, steering away to more neutral subjects.

"Well, my classes are kind of lame.  Apparently I'm not going to learn things here either.  I looked over the syllabus for my statistics class and it's all the same stuff I learned in high school.  Waste of time."  Liv laughs at me.  "My roommate is nice.  I like her.  She's very calm, though.  Maddeningly calm.  Like, I want to poke at her until I get her to crack."

Liv laughs again.  "I think a maddening calm roommate is probably a very good thing for you," she says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, but I'm laughing too. 

It's so good to catch up with Liv, but it makes me miss home.  I'm moping when Kendra comes in and flops on her bed.  "Man, my math class sucks," she laments.

"I love math," I say automatically.  "I can help you, if you want."

"Really?  That's awesome," she responds, beaming at me.  "Oh, hey?  Lauren?"  I look at her curiously.  "There's this party this weekend.  A guy in one of my classes invited me.  I want to go, but I don't want to go alone, will you go with me?"

"A guy, huh?" I ask.  "Is he a cute guy?"

Kendra blushes immediately, and this is the least calm and cool I've ever seen her.  "It IS a cute guy!" I caw.  "Do you like him?"

"I don't know!" she squeals.  "I barely know him.  But he is cute.  Will you go?"  

"I'll go," I say finally.

She grins.  "Will you help me pick out something to wear?" she asks, almost shyly.

"I'll do that too," I reply.  "Will you help me with my makeup?" She wasn't as good as Liv, but she was far better than me.

"Yes!" she exclaims.  "This is going to be fun!"

On Saturday we spend two hours getting ready.  I make Kendra try on almost everything in her closet and end up loaning her one of my dresses to wear.  My makeup turns out perfect, so it works out well.

"You are so pretty," Kendra says to me wistfully before we leave.  I give her a weird look, because she is way prettier than me, and I tell her that.  She laughs.  "I don't think so.  Look at you!"  I do.  I don't see it.  I shrug and change the subject because this is uncomfortable.

We walk to the party, because it's close to campus.  My first college party, the first week of classes.  My sister would be so proud.  That reminds me that I should call her so we can hang out sometime.  I still haven't done that, whoops.  When we walk in, I'm immediately overwhelmed by all the people.  I do see someone that I spoke to briefly in one of my classes, and she waves to me.  I wave back, awkwardly.  I wish I had Liv and Lynn, my little social butterflies, to help me make the rounds.

I paste a smile on my face as Kendra introduces me to a few people.  Then she points out a guy.  "That's him," she whispers.  "Let's go say hi."  She practically drags me through the throngs of people to the other side of the room.  "Hi Christian," she chirps, in a way that's decidedly un-Kendra-like.  At least from what I've gathered in the whopping two weeks I've known her.  "This is my roommate, Lauren."

Christian smiles broadly at Kendra and I guess that I'm witnessing a love connection.  "Hi, Kendra," he says.  "Hi Lauren.  This is my friend Alex, and that's Brandon."  I smile and say hi, but Christian immediately turns back to Kendra.  They start chatting about their class, leaving me to try to make conversation with Alex and Brandon, who are just looking blankly at me.

"So...." I say awkwardly, scrambling for something, and pushing down my instinct to be sarcastic.  "The Broncos play the Chargers tomorrow, right?  Do you think they're going to win?"

This is clearly the right thing to say, because both guys' faces light up.  "They'd better," Alex says.  "I'd like to see them do better than last year's 10-6."

Brandon rolls his eyes.  "Because that's bad.  Try being a Dolphins fan.  If we hit .500 this year, that would be great."  Then he eyes me up and said, "Broncos fan?"

"Packers fan, actually," I respond.  The both look at me strangely.  "I'm from Wisconsin."

"I would have guessed Minnesota, based on your accent, but Wisconsin works too," Alex quips.  I give him a dirty look.

"Be nice to her," Brandon scolds him.  "Do you need a drink?"

I consider briefly, and figured one drink wouldn't hurt.  "Sure," I reply.  He leads me over to the keg and filled and handed me a cup.

"It's my house, you can drink for free," he says. smiling.

"Thanks," I reply, taking a drink.  I try not to cringe; beer is not my thing.

"So you must not be a freshman then?" I ask.  "If this is your house."  Students are required to live on campus for 2 years here.

"Nah, this is my third year," he replies.  "My little brother is good friends with Alex, so I've kind of adopted him and his roommate.  You know, making sure they get booze, know where the parties are, the important things."

"Yeah, of course.  The most important things," I reply sarcastically.

"Let me guess, you're here for an education," he jokes back.  "Don't let school eat you alive.  Loosen up and have some fun while you're here."

"I thought that's what I was doing right now," I say, the sarcasm still in my voice.

He laughs.  "I like you.  You're feisty.  It's cute."  I roll my eyes at him and he laughs again.  "Come on, let me introduce you to some people."  I'm wary, but I'm sober so what can it hurt?  I check in briefly with Kendra who barely even hears me talking to her, and then I let Brandon introduce me to his other roommates, two guys and a girl, and some of their friends. Then he said, "Soooo...do you wanna go hang out in my room or something?"

I give him a dirty look.  "No," I reply shortly.  "I should find Kendra."

"Oh, come on," he wheedles.

"No."  I glare at him, then look through the people for Kendra.

He rolls his eyes.  "Fucking freshmen," he mutters, stalking off through the people.  I also stalk off to find Kendra. I paste a smile on my face when I find her, still talking to Christian, determined not to ruin her evening. 

"Hey," she greets me with a broad smile.  I smile back and spend the next hour chatting with her, Christian, and Alex.  Alex is actually a lot of fun to talk to, and unlike Brandon, he keeps his eyes on my face and doesn't try to talk me into disappearing with him.

Finally, Kendra signals to me that she's ready to go.  She announces our intention to Christian and Alex, who immediately offer to walk us back.  "We'll be fine," I protest, rolling my eyes.

"I'm quite sure of that," Alex remarks.  "But it's still late and we're not letting you walk back by yourselves."  Then he leans in close to me and whispers, "And I don't think that Christian is quite finished talking to your friend, so throw him a bone, huh?"  I laugh and relent.

As we walk, Alex and I drop back so Kendra and Christian can chat with relative privacy.  "Did you have fun?" Alex asks.  What a stupid question.

"It was alright, I mostly just came for Kendra's sake," I say bluntly.

"Brandon is a huge douche," he says.

"I won't argue with that," I reply darkly.  Alex stops walking suddenly and regards me carefully when I stop too.

"He didn't....?"

"No, he didn't.  And this is not at all a really weird conversation to be having with someone I just met a few hours ago."  I can't understand why Alex is so concerned over my well-being. 

"Good, sorry," he replies, and even in the dark, the relief in his face is evident.  I mutter something back absolving him from his awkward inquiry, and we continue to walk.

When we get back to our dorm, we stop awkwardly several feet away from the door, where Kendra and Christian appear to be exchanging phone numbers.  "So, Christian and I have a huge TV that is awesome for watching football.  Are you interested in coming over to watch a couple games tomorrow?"  I raise an eyebrow at him, not sure how to respond.  Is he asking in a friendly way, or more than that?  That question is answered when he smiles and says, "Nothing weird, I just know that watching games is more fun with other people, and Kendra doesn't seem like a football watching type."

"Yeah, I don't think she is," I reply, laughing.  "Sure, that would be fun."  Then we're exchanging numbers too, and it's weird, but okay.

Kendra is waiting for me by the door and I awkwardly say goodbye to Alex and Christian and join her.  As soon as we're inside, she turns to me and smiles placidly, her calm back apparently.  "So you and Alex, huh?" she asks.

"Not like that," I respond hurriedly.  "We're watching football tomorrow.  As friends.  I think."

She laughs softly.  "Any guy at that party would give his left arm to be Alex tomorrow, I think."  I raise my eyebrows at her in surprise.  "You didn't see them all looking at you?  All of them, Lauren.  Seriously."

"I guess I'll have to pay better attention next time," I mutter, embarrassed.  She laughs again.  I quickly change the subject.  "And you and Christian?"

She smiles broadly, a flush rising to her cheeks.  "He's taking me out to dinner next week," she says.  I smile, glad that she's happy.

When we get back up to our room, I pull out my phone.  When I had been putting Alex's number in, I saw I had a text from my sister.  I open it now and read, "You're the worst sister, you know that?  Call me.  I'm having people over next weekend and you should come.  I miss you!"  She's right, I still haven't even called her.  I resolve to do that tomorrow. 

(Then) Lauren

The Smart Friend Part 3

August

I step off the plane and tug self-consciously at the hem of my skirt.  Even though I had gotten used to my new wardrobe over the weeks I spent at Amanda's, being home made me feel like a skirt newbie all over again.  I wonder briefly what my mom will think, and chuckle to myself about Liv being right when she joked that I'd come back wearing makeup and dresses.

I had a text waiting from my mom when the plane landed, telling me that there had been an accident on the beltway and she was going to be late picking me up.  I wait for my suitcases (I had to buy another small one while I was out there to accommodate the new clothes I had picked up with Amanda's help) and then haul them out to a bench outside.  I wrinkle my nose at the air, thick with humidity.  I hadn't missed that in Denver.

As I sit on the bench and wait for my mom to arrive, I think back over the 6 weeks I spent with Amanda.  In no time, my thoughts have drifted to Ron.  I sigh, thinking about him.  One of Amanda's friends, Ron had made me realize that guys could be interested in me.  Not that anything inappropriate had happened.  He was 22, and honorable enough that he hadn't even kissed me.  I wish he would have, though.  My cheeks got warm at the thought.  Ron had found stupid excuses to come to Amanda's house, including a few times when he knew she wouldn't be there.  We had spent a lot of time talking, laughing, and cuddling.

In fact, it was the attention from Ron that helped me let Amanda take me shopping for clothes and makeup.  It turned out that when I tried, I was actually pretty good at doing my hair and putting together outfits.  The makeup was hopeless, but I figured that a little lip gloss and mascara would be shocking enough to the people at home.  And anyway, Liv was good with makeup, so maybe she could help me.

Liv and I have plans for tomorrow, and I'm nervous and excited to see her.  We talked a few times while I was in Denver, and I may have mentioned getting some new clothes, but I'm sure the extent of the change will be shocking to her.  I've always been a little nervous that she hung out with me so I could be "the ugly friend" and make her look better, so I'm worried that my new look might change our friendship. 

When my mom pulls up, her eyes widen at the sight of me.  "Lauren!" she exclaims, enveloping me in a tight hug.  "I missed you honey, did you have fun?  Did you, um, get some new clothes?"

"Hi mom!" I say back, my voice muffled.  "I had a great time, and yes, I obviously got some new clothes.  What do you think?" The last question I ask tentatively, scanning her face as she answers.

"You look beautiful honey, but you're always beautiful."  That's a safe answer.  She helps me put my stuff in the trunk and we drive home.  She doesn't mention the makeup or say anything else about the clothes.  I give her a rundown on my time, leaving out the bars and Ron and the all the other less than savory details. I'm not surprised when she tells me to unpack right away when we get home.  Back to reality, I guess.

The next day, I decide to ease Liv into my new self and opt for a pair of shorts and cute top, straighten my hair, and put on lip gloss, blush, and mascara.  Liv's eyes practically bug out of her head when she sees me.  She hugs me tightly and then shrieks, "Oh my god, you look hot!"  The other people at the pizza place give her rude looks but she doesn't even notice, she's too busy checking me out.  "Did your sister brainwash you?"

I laugh uneasily.  "Something like that," I respond. 

"Seriously, Laur, you look great.  I love it," she gushes.  I relax.  It was silly to worry that she'd like me less now that I was wearing accessories and makeup.  We catch up, and she tells me that she made out with Tommy at a party and he was a terrible kisser.  She's decided it's time to get a little more serious and is apparently swearing off boys for awhile.  I roll my eyes.  That will last about a week, I'm sure.

I tell her about Denver, but I leave out Ron.  For some reason, I like it better that no one knows.  And I don't want Liv to know that I changed my whole look for a guy, even though he liked me before I became Amanda 2.0.

I make my debut with Liv and Lynn at a field party the next weekend.  I always hated field parties.  It meant sitting around, getting eaten alive by mosquitoes while Liv and Lynn fended off every guy at the party and got drunk.  As we step out of my dad's Jeep and wade through the tall grass to the area that was trampled down, I feel like everyone is looking at me.  I slow my stride, but Liv grabs my hand and pulls.  "Come on," she whispers.

We walk over to the coolers, and Lynn immediately starts flirting with one of the guys standing there.  Within seconds, we all have a beer in our hands.  

"Lauren?" comes a questioning voice from behind me.  I turn and see Kyle.  He looks confused.  He takes in my shorts, which are way shorter than anything I've ever worn in public in Wisconsin before, and my tight, pink tank top, then his eyes rest on my face.  "Hi, you look...good." 

"Hi, Kyle," I respond.  "Thanks.  How was your summer?"  We make small talk for awhile, but it's awkward.  Liv pulls me away after a few minutes.  This party is different than any that I had gone with Liv and Lynn to.  This time, instead of me sitting awkwardly to the side while boys talk to Liv and Lynn, the guys talk to all three of us.  I receive more attention--male and female--tonight than I have in my entire life combined up to this point.  I thought that it would make me happy, but I find myself increasingly irritated that no one cared until I put on a skirt and some lip gloss.

Later, I'm quiet as I drive us to Lynn's house.  We're spending the night there, like we always do after parties.  Lynn's parents are the only ones that don't wait up.

"What's wrong, Laur?" Liv asks, as we're laying down for bed.

"Nothing," I say, but even I'm not convinced.

She tosses a pillow at me.  "Spill," she instructs, sitting up and looking at me.  Lynn is already sleeping.

I sigh.  "I just think it sucks that all these guys that only ever talked to me find out what your weekend plans were are suddenly interested because they can see my legs."  I expect Liv to tell me to suck it up and enjoy, but she nods seriously.

"They suck," she agrees.  "You're still the same person you always were, you just have different wrapping paper on."

I roll my eyes.  "Liv, that's a terrible analogy," I start, ready to provide a better one.  She laughs.

"See?  Point proven."  She smiles smugly at me.   "But if they couldn't see how amazing you were before you discovered makeup, then they don't deserve to enjoy it now."

"So what do I do?" I asked.  "I feel entirely unprepared to walk back into school now."

She shrugged.  "Just do what you always do, Laur.  Give 'em hell." 

(Then) Lauren

The Smart Friend Part 2

June

"I can't believe you leave in 3 days," Lynn whines, checking her reflection in the crappy changing room mirror.

"I'm just glad that school is over," Liv says.  She's been pretending to be indifferent to me leaving for the last week. I try not to be irritated that a person that I've only really just started hanging out with (Lynn) seems more upset about me leaving than my best friend.

We walk out of the changing room to the pool, and after a few minutes of scouting, we even manage to find three chairs together. 

"Hey," Liv says suddenly.  "Tommy and his friends are here."  She's looking through her sunglasses across the pool, stealthily staring at her current crush and his friends from the football team.  "He's kind of skinny, ew."  Lynn and I exchange a look and roll our eyes.  Liv has always been boy crazy, but she's also far too shy to actually do something about it (and her mom is far too overprotective to allow it).   "His friend Kyle is kind of cute, don't you think, Laur?  He was in your physics class, wasn't he?"

Liv is always trying to push me at boys, and while there have been a few I've been interested in, none have been interested back.  And it doesn't matter, because I prefer to not really do that whole feelings thing.  Between my dad leaving when I was little, and the few guys that stuck around long enough for my mom to introduce me to, I've seen first hand how feelings can mess everything up.  That's why I prefer to think.  Facts won't lead you astray. 

"He's okay," I say back, noncommittally.  Of course, we're there less than 30 minutes before Tommy, Kyle, and their whole crew are swarming the area we're sitting in.  And very quickly after that, they're annoying the families around us by throwing a shrieking Liv and Lynn into the pool.  Of course.  I go back to reading my book while they splash around in the pool, but I'm suddenly aware of someone sitting down on Liv's now-vacant chair next to me.

"Not going in?" comes the voice attached to the body.  I finally look up, right into Kyle's eyes.

"Umm, maybe in a little while.  I'm almost done with my book," I reply.  I try to lower my eyes back to the book, hoping he'll get the hint. Instead, he peers with interest at the cover.

"I read that one last summer," he says, surprising me.  "I really liked it." 

Without looking back up at him, I sarcastically reply, "Wow, Jock Boy reads.  I'm impressed."

He laughs and stands, finally getting the hint.  But he surprises me again by lightly touching my hand as he walks past.  He stops at the foot of my chair and watches me for a second before saying, "You know, not everyone fits into the neat little boxes that you put them in."  And then he's gone.  I peer carefully over the edge of my book, watching him as he cannonballs into the water next to the group there.

Three days later, I'm hauling my suitcase up to the check-in counter, nervous about what the summer in Denver will be like.  I haven't seen my sister in over a year, since she didn't make it home this winter for Christmas.  I wonder what we'll do, what we'll talk about.  She was always the pretty one, I was always the smart one.  When people say we look alike we both act appropriately offended. 

Most of fears are pushed aside when I get to baggage claim after the flight and Amanda appears, squealing with excitement and hugging me tightly.  "I'm so happy mom let you come!" she shrieks.  "We are going to have an awesome summer!"  She helps me haul my suitcase to the car and we catch up on the way to her apartment.  Her apartment is small but bright and clean.  She shows me the tiny bedroom that will be mine for the next 6 weeks, and sits on the bed talking cheerfully while I unpack.

We spend a low key night together catching up, eating pizza and watching TV.  Amanda pours me a glass of wine, but I'm not a fan.  I mean, it's not like I've never had alcohol before, but wine is just not really my thing.  I sleep restlessly that night, trying to get used to the strange bed and the strange city sounds outside.

The next day, Amanda shows me around the city and tells me about her job and her friends and all the awesome things she loves about living out here.  I'm entranced.  The biggest city I've ever been to is Milwaukee, and while Denver isn't that much bigger, it just seems more...sophisticated.

Amanda regards me carefully while we're eating dinner.  "If I take you out," she asks carefully, "are you going to narc me out to mom?"

"Out?" I ask, confused.  "We were out all day, what would I tell mom about?"

She rolls her eyes.  "For a brain, you're not very bright sometimes.  Out out, like, to a bar."

"Oh!  Oh.  Umm, well no, I won't tell mom..." Even I know that I don't sound convincing.  I take a breath and try again.  "I definitely won't tell her, she'd probably insist that I was on the first plane back, and I'd never get to come out again."

Satisfied with that answer, Amanda says, "I know someone that can get you in, but you have be cool about it.  Don't act like a kid."  I'm offended by this.  I rarely "act like a kid" and she knows it. 

We head back to her apartment to get ready.  I knock on her door when I'm dressed and ready and she scoffs at me.  "You can't go out like that," she says.  "You look like you're in high school."

"I am in high school," I point out.

"I know that, genius, but you can't look like you're in high school."  She turns to her closet and starts rifling through.  She pulls out a couple options and I dismiss each one.

"You know I don't wear dresses, Amanda," I protest.  "I will let you put makeup on me, but I draw the line at wearing a dress."  She sighs and hands me a couple tops to choose from.  I let her pair a chiffon sleeveless top with a pair of shorts from my suitcase, and I talk her down from heels to flats.  Better than flip flops, she agrees.  After she puts some makeup on me and does my hair, I look in the mirror.  I'm surprised at what I see there.  I don't really look like I'm in high school anymore, and I almost look...pretty.

Amanda agrees.  "You look hot, little sister!" she exclaims cheerfully.  "Much better."  Easy for her to say.  I feel naked with this much skin exposed, even it's mostly arm and leg.  She finishes getting herself ready and we get in a cab.  I hope that I'll feel less self-conscious as the night goes on, but the further we get from her apartment, the weirder I feel.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask her, as we stand on the curb outside a completely sketchy-looking bar.  "What if I get caught?"

"You won't," she assures me.  "They don't really care about age here anyway, and I know the bouncer and the bartender that are working tonight.  Come on, come meet my friends."

I let her drag me towards the door.  We get past the bouncer with a charming smile and batting of eyelashes (Amanda's, obviously) and she hurries me towards the back of the bar.  A group of people at a table look up as we approach, and they greet Amanda cheerfully.  She introduces me to them.

"Little sister, huh?" one of the guys asks as though I'm not there, looking me up and down.  I feel like falling into a hole.  "How old is she?" 

"21, of course," Amanda says with a laugh and a wink.

She pulls me over to the bar and tells me to order whatever I want.  I don't want to get drunk in front of a bunch of older people that I don't even know, but I will never get through this night sober, so I get what Amanda gets, a vodka and cranberry juice.  The self-consciousness finally begins to fade as I drink it and get to know Amanda's friends.  A couple of the girls in the group compliment my hair, and chat with me about college choices.  They obviously know how old I am, but they don't make me feel weird about it.  Amanda shoots a reassuring smile at me every 10 minutes or so, and I slowly start to loosen up.  I let a little of my sarcasm out (the fun sarcasm, not the nasty defense-mechanism sarcasm), and soon a couple of the guys in the group are chatting with us as well.

I drink slowly, and build an enjoyable buzz without getting sloppy.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm less drunk than Amanda by the time we get in a cab on the way home.  "You did good, Lauren," she said, leaning her head against my shoulder.  "Who knew that putting on a little makeup and a cute top would turn you into a social butterfly?"

(Then) Lauren

I got a couple email questions yesterday that I think others might be wondering too!  One reader asked how long Brody has been gone.  As of the last post (Not a Date), Brody has been gone just shy of 6 weeks.  Another reader asked me about my posting schedule.  I will always have a post for you guys on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays (though if I'm editing the night before, like I have been lately, I will put them up Sunday/Tuesday/Thursday evenings).  Generally, Monday and Wednesday are main storyline and Friday is the alternative perspective/back story post for the week.  Sometimes it makes more sense to switch the order, but I try to give you a heads up when I do that.  And of course, since I have tons of posts written out in advance and I'm easily excited, I post a lot of bonuses.  When I do them, they have generally come on Thursdays, though sometimes on Tuesdays too (and sometimes both!)

If you ever have questions, please feel free to email or comment and ask!  I'd be more than happy to answer them, either with a response or like this.  Thank you guys all for reading and commenting and asking questions!
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The Smart Friend Part 1

When you're pretty much a 16-year-old genius, you'd be surprised how many people don't like you.

When you're pretty much a 16-year-old genius and you're friends with the prettiest girl in the Junior class, you'd be surprised at how often you get invited to parties even though people don't like you.

When you're pretty much a 16-year-old genius and you're friends with the prettiest girl in the Junior class, and the prettiest girl in the Junior class has no idea that she's the prettiest girl in the Junior class, you'd be surprised at how often boys talk to you, even though they don't like you.

It's okay though, because the guys that are interested in her are not the guys I'm interested in.  Of course, the guys I'm interested in aren't interested in me either, so there's that.  But because 16-year-olds are generally complete idiots, I get away with a lot of sarcasm that I can't get away with at home.  Sarcasm is pretty much my favorite thing, and my go-to defense mechanism to boot.  I never miss a chance to use it on teenage boys who come to me wondering if I thought Olivia would go to the football game with them.  Or the Homecoming dance.  Or the movies.  Occasionally I get inquiries about our other friend Lynn too.

Today, I was fending off a particularly persistent and annoying senior that had been pestering me about Liv for awhile.  He's not her type and I told him that, but he won't shut up.  He wants to ask her to prom, and I was trying to tell him that her mom won't let her go to prom until she's a senior, but he isn't hearing it.

"Liv doesn't like deaf guys," I say, rolling my eyes and stalking away finally.

When I get home, my mom is making dinner.  "Hi, honey," she says with a smile.

"Hi, mom," I respond, sitting at the table.

"I talked to your sister today," my mom says still smiling broadly at me.  "She asked if you wanted to go out there for the summer, or for part of it."

"Really?  Out to Denver to stay with her?  I hope you told her yes!"  I am so excited.  I have been bugging my mom to let me go out and stay with Amanda in Denver since she had moved out there for college 5 years ago.  My mom refused to let me go because she didn't think college students were a good influence on her teenage daughter, but apparently now that Amanda had graduated, there aren't any more worries about underage drinking or sex, drugs, and rock and roll.  Right.

"I told her 6 weeks.  She tried to talk me into a full two months, but I want to you be able to come back in time to get started on your college applications and study for the ACTs before you start school again."  

I get up and throw my arms around her.  "When do I leave?" I ask, practically bouncing.  My mom laughs.

"We'll look at flights tonight after dinner.  Get your homework done first."  Of course, that is so like my mom.  I yank my stuff out of my backpack and get to work on my pre-calc homework.  Luckily, it's all I have to do tonight and I finish it before dinner.

After dinner, mom and I sit down at the computer and pull up the airline website.  We search through the flight options and choose an 11am flight on June 17th, one week after I finish school for the summer.  We book an August 1st return flight, and I am ecstatic.  I throw my arms around her again and then run up to my room to call Liv.

"Wait, what you do mean you're going to be in Denver for the entire summer?" Liv wails when I tell her.  "Do you know how far away Denver is?!"

"979 miles," I reply automatically.  "Roughly a 14 hour drive and a 2.5 hour flight."

"Ugh, your brain, Laur.  Turn it off sometimes."

"Sorry.  Anyway, I'll totally miss you and Lynn, but we can still talk on the phone and email and hey!  Maybe you can come out and visit?" I ask hopefully.

"I doubt it.  You know my mom barely lets me sleepover at people's house, I'm sure she won't let me fly to Denver to sleep over at your sister's house," she replies forlornly.

"Your mom sucks," I say.

"I know," Liv replies sadly.  "I'm sorry, I'm trying to be excited for you, but it's hard when I'm sad for me."

"I understand," I assure her.  "I'm definitely sad that we won't spend our summer together like we planned.  And to be honest, I'm a little nervous to spend so much time with my sister.  You know we don't exactly have a lot in common."

"So you've said," Liv responds.  "Careful, she might have you wearing makeup and dresses by the end of the summer!"

"Yeah, right," I scoff back.  "If you can't get me in dresses, what makes you think she can?"