That Didn't Come Out Right

On Sunday morning, I delayed going downstairs for as long as I could.  I was still embarrassed about Ken walking in on us the night before.  Brody actually slept in with me for once and he had to talk me out of bed.  I finally dragged myself out of bed, pulled some clothes on, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, and generally procrastinated until Brody knocked on the bathroom door and said, "You might as well get it over with."

I was maybe being a little dramatic with my mortification, but your fiance's brother/your roommate for a month just should never see you having an orgasm.  I was already a little uptight about even talking about my sex life, and now it had been witnessed.  It was pretty much my worst nightmare.

Brody was waiting for me when I finally emerged from the bathroom.  We walked downstairs together and into the kitchen.  Ken was washing some dishes; his from breakfast, I assumed.  He looked up when we walked in, and my face immediately got hot.  "Oh, um, good morning," he said, looking just as embarrassed as I felt.

"Morning," I mumbled, making a beeline for the fridge.

"Good morning," Brody said, much more cheerfully.  "Going somewhere?"  I was so intent on avoiding Ken's eyes that I hadn't even noticed that he was fully dressed, shoes and all.

"Yeah, I'm heading into work for a little bit to make sure everything's ready to go for tomorrow.  I'll probably be back in a couple hours."

Ken ended up being gone for most of the day.  Brody got some work done that morning, and then we spent the afternoon together.  We went for a long walk around our neighborhood, grilled some pork chops for dinner together and ate them on the deck, and then curled up on the couch with a movie.  Ken came home while we were watching the movie and decided to hang out with us.  I was still uncomfortable at first, but my embarrassment faded by the time the movie was over.

On Monday, I texted Lauren to see if we were on for that evening.  She said yes, and I was surprised but glad.  Maybe she'd finally fill me in on what was going on.  We decided to just hang out at her house, and I picked up some wine on my way.

"How's your roommate situation?" she asked, once we were sitting on the couch with wine and food.

I recounted Saturday night's embarrassing moment, much to her delight.  I thought she was going to choke, she was laughing so hard.  "That's amazing," she gasped, when she finally caught her breath enough to speak.

"I beg to differ," I said dryly.

"Someday you'll laugh about it," she said, nodding confidently.

"Speaking of Saturday," I replied, changing the subject, "Alex came out with us."

"Oh, well that's good," she replied, suddenly incredibly interested in her dinner.

I narrowed my eyes.  "Lauren?  What's--"

"Nothing!" she snapped, not even letting me finish.

"That's insulting," I said.  "How long have we been friends?  What's going on?"

She glared at me.  "That's exactly what he fucking said," she grumbled.  "Except he was nicer about it."

"You would have said the same thing to me," I pointed out.

She considered this, then nodded, conceding.  "We got in a fight.  About this guy that I work with."

"Because...?"

Lauren sighed and took out her phone.  She tapped the screen a couple times, scrolled, then handed it to me.  The text in the middle of the screen said, "Get rid of that boyfriend yet?"

I raised an eyebrow curiously as I handed the phone back.  "So Alex saw that and didn't appreciate it?" I asked.

"He asked a few questions, and he got a little jealous.  I got mad that he was acting all jealous and untrusting and I left."  I watched her carefully, because I wasn't convinced I was getting the whole story.  "Fuck, stop looking at me like that," she said.  I didn't say anything, and she sighed again, sinking back into the couch.  "I'm bored, Liv," she said finally.

"What do you mean?  With Alex?" I asked.

She shrugged.  "I don't know.  Yes?  I guess so."

"What's the deal with the guy from work, then?" I asked, trying to figure out how the pieces fit together.  "I know you wouldn't cheat on Alex."

"At least someone trusts me," she grumbled.  When I didn't say anything, she said, "Flirting with him is fun. But then I feel guilty doing it, so I'm grateful for Alex and I'm happy to see him, and it feels risky so it makes things more exciting."

"That sounds dangerous," I said carefully.

"Clearly," she snapped.  Then she grimaced a little.  "I'm sorry.  I don't know what to do," she admitted.  "I don't want to lose Alex, but I don't want to be bored."

"What have you said to him about it?"

She snorted.  "Nothing.  What am I supposed to do, say, 'hey Alex, I'm bored with our relationship, can you try to be a little more exciting'?"

I laughed.  "No, of course not.  But I think if you did it carefully, you could do it.  Maybe if you asked him to do something that would make things less boring?  Or if you started doing things to make it more exciting?"

"I don't even know what I want from him, though," she said miserably.  "I mean, I'm worried that it's not anything he can do differently.  What if I'm just broken and won't ever be happy with just one person?"  I started to answer but she promptly cut me off.  "That was a rhetorical question.  I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I had been expecting that (in fact, I was surprised that she'd made it as long as she had in this conversation) so I let her change the subject without protest.  The new subject that she chose was my wedding, and she pulled out her phone to show me a picture of a potential bridesmaid dress she had found.  "We have two options.  Short or long?" she asked.

I shrugged.  "Doesn't matter," I replied.  "Whichever one you and Lynn like better."

"That's the problem," Lauren said.  "One is short and one is long, and we love both of them.  Lynn likes one slightly more, and I like the other slightly more.  So we're at a stalemate, and the best way to decide is for you to decide between long or short dresses."

I frowned.  "That's so much pressure," I joked.  I considered for a minute, then said,  "Well, since it's fall and it will be in the evening, I guess long makes more sense."

Lauren smiled triumphantly.  "I win," she crowed.  She held her phone out to me, showing me this dress.

"Oh, I love that dress," I said excitedly.  "Does it come in white?  I want to wear it!"

"You have a dress," Lauren pointed out.  "So does that mean we have the go-ahead to order this one?"

"Definitely, if you both like it," I agreed.  "Can I see the other one?  Just out of curiosity."

"No way," she replied.  "What if you like that one better?  It will remain a secret.  Unless you ask Lynn, I guess.  I'm sure she'd be happy to show you."

Brody texted while we were talking about wedding stuff, and he said he'd be stuck at work until fairly late.  I ended up staying at Lauren's until after 9, in no hurry to go home and hang out with Ken.  Not for any particular reason except that I still hardly knew him and I always felt incredibly awkward and uncomfortable one-on-one with people I don't know well.

I was hoping Brody would be home by the time I got there, but I pulled my car into an empty garage.  It was dark and quiet on the main floor of our house, and I locked the door behind me and turned on a couple lights.  I headed to the kitchen for some water, then heard, "Brody?" from the general vicinity of the stairs to the lower level.

"No, it's me," I called back.  "Brody's still at work."

"Oh hi, Olivia," Ken said, wandering into the kitchen.  "Brody works some weird hours sometimes, huh?"

"Yeah," I agreed.  "He has good weeks and bad weeks.  The bad weeks usually mean he's there pretty late and sometimes on the weekend too."  I paused, then asked, "Did you need something?"  I meant for it to be helpful, because he had been looking for Brody and I wondered if he had a question or wanted something, but it ended up sounding kind of dismissive.

"No," he said quickly.  "I was just going to ask Brody a question.  Good night, Olivia."

"Wait," I said as he turned.  "That didn't come out right.  I meant it wondering if you needed something I could help with, since Brody isn't here.  Sorry."

"No," he repeated, but he gave me a small smile.  "It's no big deal, I knew what you meant.  Thank you, though."  Then he turned back towards the stairs and disappeared.

"Nice work, slick," I muttered to myself, busying myself with washing the couple of dishes that were in the sink.  I felt bad, because I really had meant it as a friendly offer.  I told you I was awkward around people I don't know well.  I finished up the dishes, gave the counter a quick wipe, then double checked that the doors were locked and headed upstairs.

While I was brushing my teeth, I heard the garage door open.  The garage is under our bathroom, so we can hear the door in the bathroom, but usually not in the bedroom, luckily.  By the time Brody made it up to our room, I was in bed with my Kindle.  "Hi," I greeted him, as he flopped onto the bed, still wearing his shoes, shirt, and loosened tie.

"Hi," he mumbled, his face pressed against the blanket.  He used his toes to pry his shoes off, letting them drop to the floor.  Then he scooted over until his head was on my leg.  I pushed my fingers into his hair and began massaging his scalp.  He shifted to get more comfortable then closed his eyes, sighing happily.

"Bad day?" I asked.

"Just long," he replied, his voice still muffled.  He yawned, then rolled over and sat up.  "I need to shower before I just fall asleep in my clothes."

"Did you eat anything?" I asked.  "Otherwise I can go find you something while you shower."

"I ate," he said, leaning over and kissing me.  "But thank you.  I bought dinner for everyone that stayed late with  me."  He stood and yanked his tie off, tossing it in the direction of his closet.  He wandered into the bathroom and I heard the shower turn on.  Then he came back and leaned against the door frame while he unbuttoned his shirt.  "How was your day?"

"Fine," I said, shrugging.  "Nothing exciting.  Oh, Ken was looking for you."

"I know," Brody responded, tossing his shirt into the hamper.  "He found me."

"Good.  I think I maybe hurt his feelings.  I didn't mean to."

He gave me a weird look, and I quickly explained what happened.  He shrugged and shook his head.  "He didn't say anything or seem upset," he assured me.  "If he is, I'm sure he'll get over it.  I wouldn't worry about it too much."

"Did you forget who you're talking to?" I asked, laughing.  "I worry about everything."

"That's true," Brody agreed.  "Well, I'm not worried."  He went and got in the shower and I turned my attention back to my Kindle.

When he came out of the bathroom, he got in bed right away and we turned off the lights and settled easily into our familiar, tangled-together pre-sleeping position.  "I want to go camping," he said, once we were settled.

"Okay, then let's go camping," I agreed.  "I can't believe I haven't done that since I've moved out here."

"I wonder if anyone else would want to go," he mused.

"Maybe, we could certainly ask," I replied.  "Labor Day weekend?"

"Yeah, maybe we can try to find a group site somewhere and anyone that wants to come can," he suggested.

We talked about it for a few more minutes, until Brody's yawns won out over his excitement.  We shifted into more comfortable sleeping positions and we were both out within minutes.

(Now) Lauren: Bored

"Laur?  What's wrong?"  Alex's voice sounds concerned as he asks the question I was hoping he wouldn't.  But of course he asks, because rolling away from him after sex is not something that I do.  I love to be close to him, to be touched, when I'm coming down from my post-sex high.

"Nothing, my head hurts," I mumble into the pillow, as if hiding my face will help me lie to him.

"You're supposed to say that to get out of sex, not right after sex," he jokes, and then I feel his hand on my back.  He strokes slowly, from the base of my spine up to my neck, then his fingers pause there, massaging gently.  "Do you need some tylenol or something?"

"No," I say quickly.  "Just some sleep, I think."  I sigh despite myself, enjoying his touch as he continues to massage my neck.  But as soon as I start to relax under his hand, I get angry at myself.  I'm not supposed to like this when I'm feeling so...ugh.

I sit up, abruptly ending my neck rub.  "Maybe I do need some Tylenol," I lie.

"I can get it, babe," he says.  I almost cringe when he calls me babe.  Stop it.

"I've got it," I reply.  I'm already upright.  I grab his t-shirt because it's what's closest and easiest, and I yank it over my head and walk out of the room.

I could go to my bathroom, which has a clean drinking glass and an ample supply of over-the-counter medications, but instead I walk down the stairs.  I need a few minutes.  I rattle the bottle of Tylenol that lives in the cabinet above the sink a little, then fill a glass with cool water from the sink and take a long drink.  I'm so stuck in my spiral of negative thoughts that I don't even hear Alex come down the stairs and into the kitchen.  He puts his arms around me from behind and kisses just behind my ear.  "Together we have a full outfit," he jokes, and I crane my neck to see he's wearing just a pair of athletic shorts.

"Yeah," I agree blandly.

He sighs softly.  "Lauren, why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

"Because noth--" I start, but he cuts me off.

"No," he says firmly.  He puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me around to face him.  I can't even meet his eyes.  When did lying get so hard?  It used to be easy...but I guess I've never really lied to Alex.  "I've known you for 9 years, don't insult me again by repeating that nothing is wrong.  You've been weird for two weeks.  Talk to me."

I bite my lip and am horrified when I feel tears prick at the back of my eyes.  "I don't know," I say finally.  "I..."  I look up at him, and he looks so worried, and in this moment I'm pissed at him for looking at me like that.  He should be mad, not worried.  I don't want him to worry about me when all I feel is...ugh.  "I just don't know, okay?  I feel weird and crabby and I'm always irritated but I don't know why."

It's another lie, of course.  I know exactly why, I just don't know how to tell him.  How do you tell your boyfriend (that you love, really), who's probably been in love with you for the better part of 9 years while you gallivanted around sleeping with half the damn city, that you're bored?  That you miss the chase?  Miss the excitement of sleeping with someone different every week?

I love Alex.  I do.  I feel more strongly about him than I've ever felt about anyone in my life, including myself--which is saying something.  But it's easy.  It's not shiny and new anymore and it's not fun.  And most times we have sex, I can tell you what he's going to do 5 seconds before he does it.  Kiss me for a little while, kiss my neck, grope my chest, run his fingertips up and down my thighs a couple times...you get the picture.  I need more than that.  Alex does damn near whatever I want him to do--half the times before I even know I want it.  I tried picking a fight with him the other day, to see if I could get the rush I needed out of that, but he wouldn't take the bait.  Then I immediately felt like a shitty person, and have just been trying to keep it all to myself since then.

It's been hard to do, because all the sweet things he does are now just irritating the shit out of me.  Like he when called me babe?  I used to love it--though I'll never admit that out loud.  Now?  Nails on a chalkboard.  I don't know what to do, but I do know I need to get it together.  I don't want to not be with Alex.  I just need things to be less boring.

He's still looking at me all concerned, and I look away again.  "Can I help?"

I shake my head, and now my lower lip is trembling.  I didn't even think that was a real thing that happened.  "No, I just need to get some sleep."  I'm worried that he'll try to hug me, and I might lose it.  Instead, he just gently tilts my chin up and kisses me softly, first on the forehead, then the nose, and finally on the lips.

"Okay," he says finally.

He steps to the side so I can walk past him, and I do.  He trails me up the stairs.  I go straight for the bathroom and brush my teeth, then curl into a ball under the blankets on my side of the bed.  He comes in a couple minutes later, turns off the light, and gets into bed.  Once he's settled, he says, "Goodnight, Lauren.  I love you."  He doesn't try to kiss me or cuddle with me, and I'm relieved, but also a little sad.  Apparently I don't know what the fuck I want.

"Goodnight," I say softly.  "I love you too."

I don't sleep.  Not even a little bit.  I try not to toss and turn, because I don't want to keep Alex up, but the more I try to lay still, the worse the urges to move get.  Finally, I get up and grab my pillow and creep out of the room.  I make my way carefully downstairs, yawning the whole way.  I pull my fleece throw blanket off the chair and curl up on the couch.  At least here I'm free to toss and turn all I want.  I'm also free of the guilt that's hanging over my head in the bed I was sharing with Alex.

I must finally fall asleep, because the next thing I know, Alex is gently shaking me.  "Laur, you're going to be late," he says.  I sit straight up.  He's looking at me with a mixture of concern and confusion on his face.  I'm just tired, groggy, and disoriented.

"What?" I ask.

"You've got to get up," he says.  "It's almost 8."

"Oh, shit!" I yelp.  I get up quickly, and when I'm on the stairs, I turn.  "Thanks.  I couldn't sleep."  I shrug.

He nods.  "Sure.  Have a good day."

"Yeah, thanks.  You too."  We both look at each other for several seconds, then I turn and continue up the stairs.  I don't have much time to get ready for work.

I manage to get to work only 3 minutes late.  I hustle inside and get set up at my desk, and I'm only there for about 2 minutes before someone knocks on the wall of my cube.  I look up and see my supervisor and an incredibly attractive guy that I don't recognize.

"Good morning, Lauren," my supervisor says.  "This is Logan.  He's new.  I'm in meetings all day, and I was hoping you could show him the ropes, do a little training."

"Absolutely," I said, eyeing the new guy again.  Logan.  That's a nice name.  "I'd be happy to!"  My boss leaves Logan with me and hurries away.

Logan is tall and lean, with dark hair and bright, playful blue eyes.  "Hi," I say to him, smiling.  "I'm Lauren.  Did you get a tour?"

"No, not yet.  He seemed pretty eager to dump me off," he replies, returning my smile.  "I'd love if you showed me around though."  Keep it in your pants, Lauren.  You have a boyfriend.  But if I didn't...

If I didn't, I'd be all over this guy.  But I do.  So a tour, some training, and nothing more.  I show him around the office, introducing him to people as I go.  "So what do people usually do for lunch around here?" he asks, as we make our way back to my cube.

I shrug.  "Some people go out, some people bring theirs.  We've never had problems with people stealing food out of the break room fridge, amazingly enough."

He nods.  "What do you usually do for lunch?"

"Ummm..." I'm a little flustered, and I hate myself for it.  "It depends on the day.  I didn't bring anything today, so I need to go out and get something."

"Good," he says, with an easy smile.  "I need to go out as well, and I'm new to Denver, so I don't know any of the good spots.  Maybe you could help me with that as well?"

"Sure," I reply.  No harm in going out to lunch with a coworker, right?  Of course not.

I sit down at my computer and motion to Logan to grab a chair.  He pulls it up next to me and I'm conscious of our arms almost touching in my too-small-for-two cube.  I start to show him our computer program, and mentally count down the minutes until the end of the day.

By the end of the day I am completely frazzled.  I didn't do anything inappropriate, but I had plenty of inappropriate thoughts and feelings.  I feel a serious need to see Alex, to remind myself of why I should not flirt with my hot new coworker.  I'm not entirely sure if it will help or hurt, but I call him nonetheless.

"Hi," he says.  I try to read the greeting, but it was too short.  It wasn't exactly cool, but it wasn't warm and cheerful either.

"Hey you," I reply.  "I want to see you tonight."

"Yeah?" he asks.  We hadn't been planning on seeing each other tonight.  I wanted to get some cleaning and laundry done.

"Yeah," I confirm.  "Please?"

He chuckles.  "Well, since you asked nicely, I think we can manage something.  I'm home already.  Do you want to pick up some dinner and come over here?"

"Sure," I agree.

I stop at home quick to grab stuff for tomorrow, then pick up some sandwiches, and park in his driveway.  I knock and open the door.  He's sitting on his couch in a pair of loose fitting sweatpants and no shirt and I breathe a sigh of relief because I want him.

"Hi," he says, looking up at me.  "What'd you bring for--"

I cut him off by climbing into his lap and kissing him.  For a second, in his surprise, he doesn't kiss me back.  Then he comes to his senses and moves his lips against mine as his hands slide up my legs to my hips.  His fingers dig in and he pulls me closer to him.  When one of his hands starts to move my stomach towards my breasts, I grab it and put it back on my hip.  He keeps it there, following my unspoken direction.

I peel my shirt off and unhook my bra.  Then I plant my hands on his shoulders and raise my hips until my breasts are at his eye level.  He leans forward and nips at my breast before sucking, then tugging gently on my nipple with his teeth.  I groan and then grab one of his wandering hands and place it firmly back on my hip.  He looks up at me briefly before turning his attention to my other breast.

I stand and shimmy out of my pants and underwear as he eagerly pushes his sweatpants down and kicks them off.  Then I climb back into his lap and surprise him by guiding him inside me.  I think he's expecting more foreplay, but I just want sex.  His hands automatically go back to my hips, but then they slide up my back.  I let them--I don't care where they are anymore.  I just didn't want to let him guide us back into the same stale pattern we always fell into. When I don't fight his hands' travel over my back, he keeps one there, his fingers gripping my shoulder blade, and moves the other between us, pressing his thumb against me.  I gasp and move my hips faster, and in record time my knees are squeezing his hips, my hips are jerking against his, and I'm out of breath.

He gives me several seconds to recover, running his fingers lightly up and down my spine, which makes me shiver.  Then he lifts me off his lap and onto the couch next to him.  I hear him shifting behind me and then he pushes into me from behind and I let my head drop forward, muffling my moan with the convenient throw pillow.  When he reaches around my hip and starts rubbing my clit, I'm a goner.  He finishes shortly after my second orgasm, and I stay where I am, my thoughts pleasantly dulled.

When Alex slides between me and the back of the couch, I let him.  I stay put as he wraps his arm around my waist and settles his face against my neck.  We're both silent for several minutes, laying there in our post-orgasmic stupor.  Then he says, "That was unexpected.  Amazing, but unexpected."

"Yeah," I agree.  "It was.  I was thinking about you all day, and I just couldn't wait, I guess."  Barely even a white lie.  I was thinking about him all day...while I was reminding myself that I had a boyfriend.  But, for whatever reason, I feel pretty fucking normal right now.  Maybe having a hot new coworker is going to be a good thing for my relationship.

State of the Blog

With Brody and Liv's wedding date drawing nearer, I'd like to address the future of the blog.  I had this post written, and then a couple of my favorite blogs announced an end in the near future, and I decided to hold on to the post a few more days.

Brody and Liv's story will be ending soon.  There are several reasons for this.  One is that--as my fellow bloggers can attest to--writing an ongoing story with no set end is HARD.  It is so hard to come up with ways to keep the story interesting without going off the deep end with completely ridiculous drama that people don't actually want to read.  Keeping a story going indefinitely is a logistical (and creative!) nightmare.  Another is that as I move back into my school year (the last, if all goes according to plan!) I anticipate that this year will be hell on wheels for me.  I will not be able to consistently give you, my amazing, supportive readers, the great posts you deserve.  I'd rather wrap Brody and Liv's story up at a natural ending point, and not when I'm rushed and half-assing it.

Now, with that said, I don't plan to go away.  Writing this blog has been therapeutic for me in ways that I couldn't have even imagined prior to starting it.  This blog got me through some of the roughest shit I've gone through in my adult life.  That sounds silly to say, but it's true.  It was something that, while I was otherwise flailing about like a crazy person with no idea what she's doing, I was always good at.  I was always getting positive feedback.  I always felt good about what I produced.  I don't want to lose that.

So, what is my plan then?  Good question.  Everyone loves Kinsley and Lauren, so I'd like to stick around this blog and write some more Kinsley and Lauren after I wrap up Liv and Brody.  I anticipate that those posts won't be as consistent or plentiful as my posting generally has been--but I have no idea how my life is going to go come September, and maybe I'll be wrong.  So I don't have the logistics of doing this mapped out, but I do want to do more with them.  Don't tell Liv, but Kinsley is my favorite character in this blog, and I'd really love to develop her story more.  And Lauren is...well, Lauren is me (with some creative liberties, of course ;) ) so I feel like she deserves some more story time.

I'm also working on a few other things.  One thing I hope might become another blog, depending on how it goes.  And the other...well, I hope that someday the other might become a book.  

So that is the state of the blog.  I hate to even announce it with the news of some of the other blogs wrapping up, but I have a feeling there will be some readers that will be thrilled with the shift from Liv to Kinsley and Lauren!


The plan for the rest of the week is: Lauren's post will go up Wednesday evening.  I hope to still get a Liv post written to schedule for Friday, but I make no promises at this point.  I will for sure be back with a Liv post on Sunday though.

As always, thank you for being the loyalest of readers.  You guys are all awesome.

(Now) Kinsley: Content

Part of what we had talked about in our three-hour marathon discussion was setting boundaries with his family.  We'd agreed on one set family dinner a week (Sunday nights) and anything beyond that we would decide on together.  And I was relieved when Damien informed me that Adrienne (his snotty step-sister, the one I didn't like) wouldn't be at the first dinner I was attending since we'd gotten back together.

Damien's father had died when he was 6, and his mom (Claire) had met Robert (Adrienne's dad) a couple years later.  Amongst other things, Claire loved that Robert had a daughter whose name was of French origin, just like her two children (Damien and his older sister, Elize).  Robert was also widowed, and Adrienne was really little when Robert and Claire started dating.  They had merged fairly seamlessly into a new family, but apparently Adrienne had always been a bit more...difficult than Damien and Elize.

I was really fucking nervous as Damien drove us out to his mom's house.  I fiddled with my phone, twisted my hair up into a bun, then took it down, then put it back up, fiddled with my phone some more, and was reaching for my hair again when Damien intercepted my hand and laced his fingers through  mine.  "Relax," he said soothingly.  "It's going to be fine.  My mom is excited to see you."

"I don't know if I believe you," I replied.  "You told me they hold grudges."

"Yeah, well that was before I threw myself under the bus in your honor to explain our brief breakup and your absence," he said wryly.  "Now I think they like you even more because you put up with my ridiculous bullshit."

Damien had decided the best way to fix his fuck-up of not telling his family why I'd suddenly disappeared was to take the majority of the responsibility for our breakup.  While we both recognized our parts, I had no problem with him taking the fall as far as his family was concerned.  I figured I could use all the help I could get to win some favor with his family.

"You are pretty ridiculous," I joked, relaxing a little.

It was a beautiful evening and Robert had the grill going in the back.  Claire's face lit up when she saw me as we walked through the kitchen and I relaxed a little more.  "Hi, Mrs. Landry," I said, hugging her.

She pulled away and gave me a stern look.  "You haven't even been gone for two months, don't you dare 'Mrs. Landry' me," she said.

"Sorry, Claire," I said sheepishly.

She grinned and hugged me again.  "We missed you, sweetheart.  The kids will be thrilled to see you."

Damien wrapped his arm around me as we continued outside.  "See?" he said, kissing the side of my head as we walked.  "She couldn't be happier."

"Yes, that went well," I agreed.  We paused near the grill to say hi to Robert, and he greeted me cheerfully as well.  We continued past the patio into the yard, where Damien's older sister Elize was watching her two kids, Luke (6) and Amelia (4) play in the grass.  Luke spotted us and came running over, barreling right into Damien's legs.

"Uncle Damien!" he yelled excitedly.  I laughed as I watched Damien grab Luke around the waist and flip him upside down before he carefully set the giggling boy down in the grass.

"Kinsley!  Look what I can do!"  Amelia screeched my name from several yards away, and when I looked over, she immediately turned a crooked somersault in the grass, tipping over sideways halfway through.

"Wow, that was great!" I called as she got up and ran over.  "Where did you learn how to do that?"

"In dimnastics class!" she yelled, leaping over Luke to throw herself at Damien.  He lifted her up as Elize walked over.

"She's still working on the 'g' sound," Elize said, chuckling.

"It's a tough one," I replied, smiling nervously.  Elize smiled back, but it lacked warmth.

"Kinsley?" came Amelia's little voice.  I looked over.  Damien had her up on his shoulders and she was looking down at me very seriously.  "I heard mommy tell daddy that Uncle Damien made you really mad, and that's why you weren't coming to play with us anymore.  Sometimes Luke calls me mean names and I get really mad and don't want to play with him.  Did Uncle Damien call you mean names?"  I froze, because I had no idea how to field this one.

Luckily, Elize broke in with, "Honey, don't you worry about that, it's not any of our business.  Why don't you show Kinsley more things you've learned in gymnastics class?"

"Okay!  Down, Uncle Damien!"  He easily lifted her over his head and set her gently on the ground.  She ran a few feet away and started doing all sorts of jumps and turning in circles, occasionally yelling, "look at me!  Kinsley!  Look at me!"

"I'm sorry," Elize said, looking embarrassed.  "I didn't realize that she--"

"Don't worry about it," I said quickly.  I was just as eager to put her out of her misery as she was to change the subject.  "How long has she been in gymnastics?"

"A couple months," Elize said.  "Oh, I'll be right back.  Can you guys keep an eye on them?"  Then she hurried away.

I turned and looked at Damien and said, "She hates me."

"She does not," he said.  "She'll warm up, and you're doing great."

"Kinsleeeeeeyyyyy!" Amelia shrieked.  "Come spin with meeeeee!"

I laughed.  "At least someone is excited to see me.  You'd better be nice to me, or Amelia is going to kick your butt."  See, even I can censor myself in the presence of children.

Damien and I played with Luke and Amelia until it was time to eat.  Elize called them in to wash their hands, and they quickly ran towards the house, leaving Damien and I alone together in the yard.  I looked at him nervously, and he pulled me towards him.  He kissed me quickly and said, "I hate that you're so nervous."

"I'm not really a fan either," I replied.

He wrapped an arm around me as we walked towards the house.  "We'll go right after dinner, okay?  And hey, if Elize was really that bothered by your presence, she wouldn't have left us alone with the kids.  I promise."

"I know," I said.  "I'm okay, it's just weird being back."  I smiled up at him.

Claire quickly ushered us in.  "I wanted to eat outside, but the wind picked up, so we're stuck in here," she said apologetically.  "Here, Kinsley."  She handed me a glass of wine and motioned to a seat.  I sat down and Damien sat next to me.  Claire sat down on my other side, and I was relieved to not be sitting next to Elize.  Her husband Jason greeted me with a friendly smile, then turned back to getting the kids into their chairs.

Dinner actually went well, and while she wasn't exactly friendly, Elize was perfectly polite.  I relaxed and loosened up as the meal went on, and by the time we were clearing our plates, I felt much more comfortable.  I insisted on helping Claire clean up, then excused myself to go to the bathroom.

On my way back from the bathroom, I ran into Elize in the empty hallway.  "Look," she said.  "I'm sorry about earlier.  About Amelia, and being so short with you.  It's just...Damien was kind of a mess while you guys were broken up.  We obviously knew something was going on but he wouldn't tell us, and it sucked to see it.  I don't really know what happened, but you both seem happy now, so if things are better, I'm glad you're back."  She smiled briefly and then slipped past me, not giving me a chance to respond.  Well, that was really fucking weird.

I continued back through the kitchen and out to the patio, where everyone was gathered, watching the kids play in the yard and enjoying a post-dinner drink.  I sat down in the seat next to Damien and he smiled at me, and I tried to imagine him as "kind of a mess" but I couldn't.  He was always so perfectly put together.  But I'm not going to lie, I selfishly felt a little glad that I wasn't the only mess during our breakup.

"Well," Damien said after we'd finished our drinks.  "We should probably head out.  I need to be at work early tomorrow."  I was relieved, because I didn't want to be the one to initiate us leaving, but I was definitely ready to go.  I was ready to have this first time back with his family be over so the next one could be better.  Hopefully.

From the yard, Luke saw Damien stand and came running over and threw himself at Damien.  Damien laughed and lifted him up, bear hugging him.  Amelia, who had followed behind Luke, wrapped herself around Damien's legs.  I laughed as I watched him tuck Luke under one arm and reach down for Amelia with the other.

I loved watching him with his niece and nephew.  He was so good with them, and I had to admit that it made think about having kids with him some day.  I'd always wanted kids, but since I hadn't planned on ever really being in a long term, serious relationship with anyone and didn't have any desire to be a single mom, I'd kind of just resigned myself to always being the cool "aunt" to my friends' kids.  But watching Damien with Luke and Amelia made thoughts of having my own creep into the back of my head.  Someday.  Maybe.

I turned my head and caught Damien's mom smiling as she watched me watch him.  I looked away quickly, my cheeks getting hot, and saw Amelia squirming to be put down.  Damien set her gently on the ground and she came over and climbed into my lap.  "When are you coming back?" she asked, balling her tiny fists up with handfuls of my shirt clutched between her fingers.

"Next week," I said brightly, smiling at her.

"Do you promise?" she asked, looking at my skeptically.

"I promise, unless I'm sick or something," I said.  She frowned at me, tipping her head down and glaring up at me through her blonde curls.

"Hey, Amelia," Damien said.  "You and Luke should leave your mom and dad at home and come hang out with me soon."

Amelia turned her pouty frown on him.  "Only if Kinsley's there," she declared, burrowing against me.  I stifled a laugh and gave Damien a smug look.

"I think we can make that happen," I agreed.  "If it's alright with your mom and dad."

"Take them," Jason said quickly.  "Whenever you want.  They're all yours."  We all laughed, and I carefully stood up, lifting Amelia as I did.

"Can we go now?" she asked, her frown gone.

I laughed.  "Sorry sweetpea, not today.  It's almost bedtime."  The frown returned and she immediately demanded to be put down.  I put her down and she ran out into the yard with Luke hot on her heels.

We said goodbye to Jason, Elize, Robert, and Claire, and walked back through the house towards Damien's car, which was parked in the driveway.   "Sorry, I really didn't mean for you to get roped into a family thing," he said, as soon as we were in the car.

I nodded.  "I know, I volunteered.  They're my favorite people in your family," I said, smiling.  "I'd love to hang out with them for the day sometime."

"She really missed you," Damien said.  "She asked about you every time you weren't there."

"As she should, I'm pretty fucking awesome," I said, smirking at him.  For some reason that reminded me of what Elize had said, and before I could think too hard about if it was a good topic of conversation or not, I said, "I ran into Elize in the hallway after I went to the bathroom."

"Oh?" Damien said.  He dropped his hand onto my thigh, just above my knee, and lightly stroked my bare skin with his fingertips as he drove.

"She said you were 'kind of a mess' while we were broken up.  I was trying to imagine it, and I just couldn't.  To me, 'kind of a mess' means maybe you got a little snippy with someone once."

He chuckled, then shook his head.  "I actually got really drunk one night when I was here," he admitted.  That surprised me.  I hadn't, in 11 months, seen him get even a little bit drunk.  He drank, but he usually had just one or two drinks, maaaaaybe 3 if we were wherever we were for longer than a couple hours, and then drove my drunk ass home.  I'd offered to drive many times but he always insisted.

"So you really were kind of a mess," I replied.  "This should shock absolutely no one, but I also got really drunk one night.  Except I threw up and blacked out, which are probably not things you've ever done in your entire life."

He laughed.  "I went to college too, you know."

"I'm trying to figure out what drunk Damien is like.  You should get drunk sometime so I can experience it."

"I don't think you really want that," he said, shaking his head.  "I'm not a very fun drunk.  I just get quiet and moody."  He glanced over at me and said, "Sorry about Elize."

"She kind of apologized," I replied, shrugging.  "It went better than I was anticipating.  I won't be as nervous next time, but I don't know if I'll ever not be a little nervous.  It's just not what I'm used to, you know?  I love seeing you with Amelia and Luke, though," I admitted.  "They love spending time with you, and you're so good with them."

He glanced at me and smiled.  "It's easy with them," he replied.  "They're such good kids."  The conversation easily could have gotten very serious, very quickly, but neither of us took it there.  It wasn't time, we weren't ready.  We needed more time to figure everything out, and putting the pressure of "future" talks on ourselves wouldn't help.

We rode in silence for a few minutes, and then Damien asked, "Can I spend the night with you?"

"Of course," I responded.  We stopped at his house so he could get clothes for the next day, and then continued on to my house.  By the time we got to my house and climbed into bed, I realized that I wasn't really in the mood for sex.  It was weird for me to be able to enjoy laying next to someone without any intention of having sex.  Not bad weird, just different.

When Damien's hand left my back and wandered down to my ass, I reached for it and set it back down on my back.  "Is it okay if we don't tonight?" I asked sleepily.

"Of course," he replied, resuming stroking my lower back.  "Is everything okay?"  Apparently even he thought it was weird for me to not want to have sex.

"Yes," I said, pressing my face against his chest and inhaling deeply.  "I'm happy just being with you tonight."

"Well, I can't argue with that," he replied, tipping his head down to kiss my forehead.  "I love you, Kinsley."

"I love you," I replied.  I fought sleep for as long as I could, trying to prolong my contentment at just laying here, enjoying his fingers on my back and his chest rising and falling beneath my head.  Eventually, sleep won over my efforts to stay awake, and I rolled over onto my pillow.  My fingers found Damien's, and they twined together before I drifted into sleep.

Three's Company

Plan for the week:  Today's post, below.  Kinsley's final post tomorrow.  I'm going camping in the middle of nowhere on Thursday, so I promise one more post.  If I get both Lauren's first post and the next main storyline post written before I leave, you'll have main storyline on Wednesday and Lauren on Friday.  If I only get Lauren's written, you'll have Lauren's on Wednesday and then nothing until Sunday, unfortunately.  I'll do my best, but you'll at least have three posts this week with the Kinsley bonus!
__________________________________

When I got home, an unfamiliar car with Washington plates was parked in the middle of the driveway, so I parked in the street.  I grabbed the box containing our invitations and stopped at the mailbox to grab the mail.  Between the box, the mail, my purse, and my workbag, I was out of hands to get my keys to unlock the front door, so I rang the doorbell with my elbow.

Brody pulled open the door and grabbed the box from me, giving me a weird look.  Then he grimaced.  "He's still in the middle of the driveway, isn't he?  I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I said, smiling.  I was doing my best to put my bad attitude aside because I didn't want this to start on the wrong foot.  If it ended up being awful, it wasn't going to be because of me.

"What's in here?" Brody asked, looking curiously at the box.

"Our invitations," I said.  "I forgot all about them, but they turned out great!"

Brody opened the box and took one of the extra ones out and pulled it out of its envelope.  "They did," he agreed, looking at it.  He slipped it back into the envelope and put it back in the box, then smiled at me.  "Hi, beautiful," he said, kissing me lightly.  "How was lunch?"

"It was good," I said, sorting through the mail.  "Lauren was acting really normal, and her sister came too.  I haven't seen Amanda in ages."

I turned as I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.  "Oh, hi Olivia," Ken said.  "I was just coming up to move my car.  I'm sorry if it was in your way."

"That's okay," I said.  "How was the drive here?"

"Long, of course, but other than that it was good," he said.  "Look, thanks for being okay with me staying with you guys.  I'll be out of here as soon as I can, and I'll try not to get in your way.  Can I take you guys out to dinner tonight?"

Brody looked at me and I nodded.  "Works for us," Brody agreed.  Ken grinned and went outside to move his car.  Brody looked back at me.  "Keys?  I'll go put your car in the garage."  I pulled my keys out of my purse and handed them to him, and he started to walk out but then turned back, fishing in his pocket.  "That reminds me.  Here."  He handed me a key.

"What's this?" I asked.

"I put a lock on your library door.  I know how you feel about your space and I thought you might feel at least a little better about everything if your space was secure."

"I love you," I said.  "Thank you.  I do appreciate knowing my space is safe.  I really am okay with this though--he's family.  I just wish we would have had a little more notice.  That's what threw me off.  I was just really caught off guard."

"I know, me too," he agreed.  "And I love you too."  He kissed me and went to move my car, while I took my work bag and shoved it in the entry closet.  It was hard to believe that I was done with working Saturdays (and Fridays too, for that matter) for now.  I briefly wondered what I'd do with all my time, then rolled my eyes at myself.  Plan a wedding, of course.

I moved the box of invitations to the table.  They needed stamps and to be mailed this week.  And I needed to find a florist to go meet with.  Soon, preferably.

Brody and Ken walked back inside, laughing about something.  Ken said, "I'm going to go finish unpacking the things I brought and get settled.  What time should we leave?"  We debated a dinner time for a little while and once it was settled, Ken headed downstairs.

"What are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?" Brody asked me, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"Changing out of my work clothes and then doing wedding stuff," I said, starting up the stairs.  He trailed after me, but I quickly shut him down.  "We can't have sex right now," I protested.  "What if Ken needs something and comes looking for you?"

"The bedroom door locks," he said, with a shrug.

"Later, please?" I asked.  He agreed, but he still tortured himself by laying on the bed and watching me change.

"Come here," he said, motioning to me once I was done.  I flopped on the bed next to him and let him pull me closer to him.  "What wedding stuff are you going to work on?" he asked, sliding his fingers up and down my arm.

"I need to find a florist, and we need to get stamps on the invitations so we can send them out," I told him.

"Sounds like fun," Brody said.

I laughed.  "I think I heard a little bit of sarcasm there.  Will you help me do the stamps?  There aren't that many invitations."

He agreed immediately to help, and we made our way downstairs and he sat on the couch with me, putting stamps on invitations while I looked for a florist.  With just 36 total invitations to send out, it only took him about 10 minutes.  He carefully stacked them back in the box, then said, "I'm going to go get some work done, unless you need me for more wedding stuff."

"Nope, I'm good," I said.  "Unless you've changed your mind about caring about the florist."  I smirked at him and he shook his head.

"No, not at all," he replied.  "That's all you."  He stood, kissed the top of my head, and wandered into the kitchen, then to his office.  I finished poring over reviews and picked the florist I wanted to meet with.  They were--miraculously--still open, and I called and made an appointment for Friday afternoon.  Then I called Brody's mom and invited her along.  She excitedly agreed to come and we ended up chatting for a few minutes as well.  We planned to meet for lunch first, then go to the florist.  I would never have wanted to spend an afternoon alone with John's mom, and she was a perfectly normal, nice woman, but I was excited to spend time with Thalia.  I had hit the future-mother-in-law jackpot, and I was grateful that she was so amazing.

I headed upstairs to get ready for dinner, and Brody came up to shower while I was running my flat iron through my hair.  "Ken is always late," he warned me, turning on the shower and pulling his shirt off.  "I don't know if living in the same house will change that, but I wouldn't plan on him being ready to go on time."

"Good to know," I said, my eyes on his chest.  They traveled lower as he pushed his shorts off and stepped out of them.

He smirked, watching my gaze.  "You had your chance," he said, stepping into the shower.  "Now you have to wait."

I finished getting ready and went back downstairs to do a little more random wedding-related research while I waited for the guys. Brody wandered down a few minutes later, and I showed him what I was doing.  I was surprised at how easy it was to get him involved in wedding planning stuff.  I only had Kendra's gripes about Christian's lack of interest, plus my brain full of stereotypes to go by, but I had expected it to be much harder to get him interested.

True to Brody's prediction, Ken didn't even appear upstairs until about 20 minutes after we were supposed to leave.  I wasn't worried, because I wasn't in a hurry at all.  He let us know he was going to be driving separately because he was meeting up with some old friends in town after we ate.  I'd almost forgotten that they'd lived here when they were younger, and hadn't realized that he'd probably still know a handful of people in the area.

Dinner was nice, and Ken insisted on paying, which was totally unnecessary but sweet.  I found out a little more about him and his job.  He was an IT project manager for a company with several locations, and had taken a promotion that had resulted in his transfer to the Boulder office.  He'd be doing some traveling to their other offices as part of this position as well.  Ken had the same dry sense of humor as Brody and the two of them had me laughing through most of the meal, as Ken told me stories about young Brody and Brody defended himself.

"I am so glad I don't have siblings to tell you embarrassing stories about my childhood," I commented to Brody as we walked out.

"Yeah, well, he should remember that he's still not firmly back in my favor," Brody said good-naturedly.

"I heard that," Ken called, a few steps behind us.

"I wasn't whispering!" Brody replied, laughing to himself.  I just shook my head.

Brody and I ended up headed somewhere else to meet up with Kendra, Christian, and Alex and have a drink.  I offered to drive, since Brody almost always did, and he actually took me up on it.  Brody went up to the bar to get a drink for himself and a soda for me, and I leaned over towards Kendra.  "I assume Lauren is hanging out with her family?"

Kendra nodded, then lowered her voice and said, "I'm not sure why Alex is here though.  He'd originally said he probably wouldn't be, but then he ended up texting Christian last minute and saying he wanted to come."  I gave her a weird look, and she shrugged.  I looked over at Alex.  He looked fine.  He was giving Christian a hard time about something and they were both laughing.

"Oh, before I forget!" Kendra said, changing the subject abruptly.  "Christian and I want to book our room for your wedding soon, do you guys have rooms blocked anywhere?"  When I grimaced, she laughed.

"I guess I should probably do that this week, huh?" I asked.  I pulled out my phone and added it to my list of wedding related tasks I needed to do sooner rather than later.

"Do what this week?" Brody asked, reappearing with drinks.

"Hotel blocks," I replied.  Brody looked at me blankly.  I explained it to him, and said, "We don't have a ton of people coming, but it still probably isn't a bad idea."

"Makes sense to me," he agreed.

We stayed out for a couple hours, then headed home.  I was pretty sure Brody was solidly buzzed, and he confirmed it when he grabbed my ass as we walked out of the bar.  "Try to keep it in your pants until we get home," I said, laughing and pulling his hand up to a more reasonable spot on my hip.

"Well that's no fun," he grumbled.

He barely managed, and spent most of the drive distracting me with his wandering hands.  He was out of the car before I'd even turned it off, and he pulled my door open for me, then grabbed the keys out of my hands and unlocked the door.  As soon as the door closed behind me, he had me up against the wall, kissing me hard.  I groaned as he nipped at my bottom lip and slid his hands roughly up my skirt.  "I love dresses," he said softly, grinning at me.  "Makes everything so easy."  I started to respond but lost my train of thought when his fingers pressed against me through my underwear.  I sucked in a sharp breath and leaned my head back against the wall, completely forgetting about everything except his fingers against me.

Brody's lips found mine as he moved my underwear aside and stroked me gently.  I moaned into our kiss and pressed my hips against his hand as he eased first one, then two fingers inside me, keeping his thumb pressed firmly against me.  He pushed the fingers of other hand through my hair, then moved it to wrap his arm around my waist when my legs started to shake.  I gripped his back, digging my fingers in desperately as I came.

I was--quite literally--mid-orgasm when the front door opened (which is in plain view of the garage door) and Ken walked in.  Brody and I both froze, my legs clamping shut against his hand, which did nothing helpful, as it just pushed it tighter against me.  Ken took one look at us and quickly looked away, saying, "I'm just going to go downstairs," as he disappeared

I pressed my face against Brody's chest as my cheeks burned.  "At least we're both fully clothed?" he said, sliding his hand out from under my dress and wrapping both arms around me.

"Damn you for making me forget that we have a roommate now," I mumbled, my voice muffled against his shirt.  Brody laughed gently, stroking my back.

"Yeah, that's not a show I want to put on again," he agreed.  "I've just confirmed that exhibitionism isn't my thing at all."  Despite my mortification, I laughed at that.    "Should we go upstairs?" he asked, nudging me gently away from his chest.

I nodded.  "Yes.  Upstairs...with the door locked!" Brody laughed and we headed upstairs, to the only safe place to have sex for the next month.

When Family Comes to Town

When we got home after having dinner with Brody's mom, I put the jewelry box directly into the top drawer of my dresser to keep it safe.  I had no idea what to do with such a beautiful and valuable heirloom.  Then I flopped facedown on the bed, worn out from getting up early and the long day.

"Tired?" Brody asked, sitting down next to me and rubbing my back.  

"Just a little," I replied, turning my heads towards him and smiling.  He began to massage my neck and I closed my eyes.  "I can't believe your mom gave me that jewelry," I said.  "It's beautiful.  Did you know she was going to?"

"I didn't," he said.  "Well, that's not entirely true.  She had three sets that are big family heirlooms.  Jen got one when she graduated from college, and she told me awhile ago that one would go to my future wife if I ever got my act together and settled down with someone.  But I'd forgotten about that conversation until today."  He shifted and brought his other hand up to massage my neck, working his way down to my shoulders.

"Do you think your mom is being weird about the guy she's seeing?" I asked.

"Yes!" Brody exclaimed.  "So weird.  I wonder why."

"Maybe he's 25 years old, or is missing an ear, or has a unicorn horn growing out of his forehead," I suggested, laughing.

"Of all those things, I'd be least okay with him being 25!" Brody laughed.  "I don't know if it's just because this is really the first man she's dated since my dad left her, at least as far as I know, or if it's something crazy like you said."  He was quiet for several seconds, then repeated, "I hope he's not 25.  That would be weird."

"I'm sure he's at least 30," I said.  

"Thanks, that makes me feel better," he said wryly.

I laughed.  "Glad I could help."

We talked a little more about the day and dinner, and eventually just ended up going to bed.  Brody was up early the next morning to get some work done, and we spent the afternoon hiking and unwinding.  It was nice to spend part of a day pretending we didn't have jobs or a wedding that needed to be planned.

On Monday, Lauren texted me that she still wasn't feeling well, and canceled our Monday "date".  I texted back asking if she wanted to reschedule, but she responded that we'd catch up next Monday.  Fed up with her avoidance act, I called her.

"What?  I'm working, can it wait?" she answered, sounded irritated.

"Lauren, what is going on with you?" I asked.  "First everything with Kinsley, then you storming out on me, not coming to happy hour, and now ditching me?  And don't tell me everything is fine."

She sighed heavily.  "I'm just really stressed out, and I've been a little off lately.  I'm sorry for ditching you last week and not responding to your calls and texts.  I don't know what my deal is, honestly. I just need to not be around other people for awhile."

"That I can understand," I said.  "Let me know if you change your mind, otherwise will I see you this weekend?  I want to see your mom while she's in town!"

"Yes, this weekend for sure.  I really do have to go now, sorry."  We said goodbye and I hung up.  I still wasn't sure what was going on with Lauren, but at least she answered the phone.

Since I wasn't going out with Lauren after work, I went to the gym then headed home, planning to make dinner.  When I got there, I was surprised to find Brody already there.  He was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal.

"What are you doing home already?" we both said at the same time.  That made us both laugh.  Brody nodded, waiting for me to talk.  "Lauren didn't want to go out," I said, shrugging.

"Is she okay?" Brody asked.

"I don't know," I replied, shaking my head.  "She's been weird lately."

Brody agreed, then said, "It was a quiet day today, so I thought I'd take advantage of it."

"Well, I was going to make dinner, but since you've already had such an extravagant feast, maybe I'll just have some cereal too," I said, laughing.

"No you won't," Brody said, making a face.  "I used the last of the milk, sorry."

After a quick survey of the fridge and freezer, I ended up making myself some eggs and hashbrowns.  I sat on the couch and plopped my feet in Brody's lap while I ate, and he massaged them mindlessly as we talked about our days.  Eventually, he said, "So, I have a question for you."  I motioned for him to continue.  "I talked to my brother today.  Remember he told us he was moving out here?  Well, his company had originally agreed to a September transfer, but now they're asking for August 1st.  Or, I think that's a Saturday, so the 3rd."

"Oh," I said, confused.  "That's next week."

"Yes," Brody replied.  "So the problem is that he has a place all lined up, but he isn't going to be able to move in until September 1st, because that's what he originally had signed the lease for, and the apartment isn't available earlier."

"Sooo..." I urged him on, fearful of where this conversation was going.

"Sooo...what would you think about him staying with us for a month?"

I looked at him without speaking for several seconds, then said, "Seriously?"

"I wouldn't even ask if he didn't already have a place lined up," Brody said quickly.  "I'm not interested in my brother moving in indefinitely.  But it's just a month."

"When?"

Brody grimaced, then said, "This weekend?"

"Seriously?" I asked again.  Brody nodded.  He picked up one of my feet and started massaging it again.  I tugged it away.  "Nope, you're not winning me over with a foot massage, it's too late for that."

"Liv, I know the timing is shitty, and I know that my brother has a lot to prove to you.  I get that.  Like I said, I wouldn't have even asked if it wasn't time-limited.  But I really want my brother back in my life, and this is important to achieving that."

"Okay," I agreed, defeated.  "But I'm not cleaning up after him or cooking for him or entertaining him.  And I'm not canceling my plans for this weekend--Lauren's mom is in town."

"I'm not asking you to do any of those things," Brody assured me.  "And if he asks you to do any of those things, I'll kick his ass."

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a brat, this is all just really sudden and quick and I still don't know how I feel about Ken, and now he's going to be our roommate, and..."  I trailed off, desperately hoping Brody understood what I was saying.

"I know," he said gently.  "Look, I'm not exactly thrilled about it myself.  You know how I feel about roommates."  I frowned, remembering one of the few fights we'd had, when I'd told him Lauren was maybe moving in with me.  "But he's my brother, and it's a month, and I don't really know how to say no."

I nodded and forced myself to say, "I get that.  I'm sure it will be fine."

"Thank you for agreeing to this even though you don't like anything about it.  I'll take care of getting him moved in; it should be pretty easy, he's putting all his furniture and stuff in storage.  I was thinking we could move my punching bag temporarily and give him that room downstairs.  There's a full bath and that extra living area down there too, so he could have his own space and not be in ours all the time.  What do you think?"

"I like that idea," I agreed.

"Okay," he said.  "I'll call him tomorrow and let him know."

The week went by quickly, and I was really busy at work getting ready to drop my hours down.  Everyone sort of bailed on Thursday's happy hour, but when I texted Lauren to make sure we were still on for having a late lunch with her mom after I finished work on Saturday, she confirmed.  I was relieved, because I had been looking forward to seeing Lauren's mom, and I really missed Lauren.  Also, to be completely honest, the longer I could put off going home on Saturday and having to deal with the fact that we had a brand new roommate that I had very mixed feelings about, the happier I was.

Brody had been extra nice to me all week.  He'd beaten me home a couple times and made dinner, did the dishes, and cleaned up.  He brought home flowers and my favorite wine one night, and on Friday night, he gave me oral sex without letting me reciprocate.  As I laid in bed in the dark, basking in my post-orgasm glow, I said, "If you need your brother to move in again next month, I think I could get used to this."

"This has nothing to do with my brother moving in," Brody said, snuggling up to me and planting a kiss on my shoulder.  "Can't I just show my beautiful, smart, wonderful fiancée how much I love her?"

I laughed.  "Now you're lying, knock it off."

"Mmmm, but I do love you," he said, pressing his face against my neck.

"I love you too," I said, shifting to get more comfortable.


Brody was up early on Saturday to get things ready for Ken to move in.  He took a break long enough to make me breakfast and coffee while I was getting ready for work.  I thanked him, kissed him, and said goodbye before heading out the door.

I was antsy all morning at work and was glad my Saturdays were shorter than the weekdays.  Aside from looking forward to seeing Lauren and her mom, I was also excited that it was my last Saturday, at least for the time being.  Luckily I had a full day of clients, which helped it go quickly.

When I was packing up my stuff to leave, I saw I had a text from Lauren.  "Hey, my sister is coming, sorry.  I tried to talk her out of it, but she wasn't having it."  I quickly texted her back that it was fine.  I hadn't seen Lauren's older sister Amanda in ages, and didn't mind that she'd be there.

I found parking kind of close to the restaurant where I was meeting Lauren and her family and hurried over, excited to see Lauren's mom, Jolene.   I spotted Lauren and Jolene right away when I got there.  "Hi, sweetpea!" Jolene called out, hugging me tightly.

"Hi, Jolene," I greeted her back.  "It's so good to see you!"

I turned my smile on Lauren and she greeted me cheerfully and then said, "Don't you dare hug me."

"Wasn't planning on it!" I assured her, snorting.  Amanda arrived shortly after, and she hugged me and spent some time exclaiming over my ring and the fact that I was "all grown up."  I tried hard not to roll my eyes; I hadn't seen her in years.

We got a table and sat down.  We sat, eating, talking, and laughing for almost two hours.  It was so nice to see Lauren's mom, who had been as much of a 'second mom' to me when I was growing up as Lynn's mom had been.  And Lauren was acting perfectly normal.  I couldn't wait to see her on Monday and find out what the hell had been going on lately.

When we finally vacated our table and walked out, Lynn said, "Walk with me to Lauren's car, Liv.  I have your invitations."

"Oh, I almost forgot about them!" I said, surprised.

When we got to the car, she handed me a box and said, "Everything is there and addressed.  Just need stamps and to be mailed.  I also put 10 extra ones with blank envelopes, just in case.  And I don't know if you scrapbook or will get a photo book, but I matted one of them for you to keep.  Also, my RSVP is in there--you don't have to mail the invitation!"

"Thank you so much," I said, excitedly.  "I'm excited to have our first RSVP back already!"  Lauren helped me open the box and pull out one of the invitations.  Jolene had sent me proofs of them, but I wanted to see them in person.  "They're beautiful," I said sincerely, holding one carefully in my hands.  "I love them.  Thank you again!"

I hugged her tightly once more, then we all said goodbye and I headed to my car.  I settled the box very carefully on my passenger seat and got in.  I started the car and headed for home--where my fiancée's brother would be in the process of moving into our house.  Hmph.

(Now) Kinsley: Say What You Need to Say

I couldn't quite get the main storyline post finished up in time, so here is Kinsley for your Wednesday.  Main storyline post will be up on Friday!  There is one more Kinsley post after this, which I will probably post early next week so we can do a Lauren post next Friday.
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"It's not what it looks like," I insisted.  Ah,  yes...the tried and true line that never seems to work.

Damien was still standing 10 feet from my front door, frozen in place and staring at me.  "Well that's good," he said, a touch of hostility in his voice. "Because it looks like you left my house and called another man to come over."

"Please, Damien," I pleaded desperately.  "I know.  Nothing happened.  Just...will you come in?"

He stood there silently for several more seconds before finally moving towards me.  I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that if I could at least get him inside, I could explain everything away.  I had gone through too damn much in the last few weeks to lose him again over a misunderstanding.  He walked past me in the doorway, not even looking at me.  This was the first time I had seen him not perfectly calm and in control, and it made me a little nervous because I had no idea how this was going to go.

I pushed the door shut and locked it and then trailed him into the living room.  "Do you want to sit?" I asked him.

"No, I want to know who that was and why he was here," he replied evenly.  I still hadn't gotten a good look at his face.

I sat down heavily on the couch and took a deep breath.  "His name is Cole.  He's a friend, he used to work with me.  And he was here because I needed to talk to someone."

"You needed to talk to a guy?  At your house?  At 11:00 on a Friday night?  After we argued?"

"I didn't have anyone else to call," I said miserably.  "He happened to be in the area and stopped over after he finished dinner with a friend.  It was stupid.  I...don't know.  I'm sorry."

"Jesus, Kinsley," he muttered.  He finally sat, and finally looked at me.  I couldn't even make sense of all the emotions I saw on his face.  As much as I hated his usual perma-calm, I didn't like this much either.  It made me uneasy, because it was different.

"I don't even know why I'm asking this, because I have a feeling I don't really want to know the answer, but have you ever slept with him?"

I looked down and nodded.  I couldn't even look at him when I confirmed his fear.

"Recently?"  I nodded again, knowing that we both knew that the only possible explanation for "recently" meant while were broken up.   "So, you left my house to calm down, came here, and invited the guy over that you'd slept with while we were broken up...and what?  Told him all the dirty details of our relationship?"

"That's a pretty accurate cliff's note version," I admitted, still not able to meet his eyes.  I tried to decide if it would make it better or worse to clarify that he wasn't the guy that I'd slept with while we were broken up.  Maybe it would make him less special.  Then again, he probably didn't want to hear that there were 4 guys I'd slept with while we were broken up.  And then there was the fact that he was the guy I'd slept with repeatedly and would be still be sleeping with if Damien and I hadn't gotten back together.  Okay, mouth shut.  God, I was an idiot.

"Jesus, Kinsley," he said again.

"But nothing else happened," I said, finally looking up at him.

He smiled wryly.  "For some reason, I do actually believe that.  I've never not trusted you when it comes to other men.  But I don't understand why it's so hard for you to tell me what you need."

"I did tell you what I needed," I insisted.  "I needed some space to cool down.  That wasn't a lie!  That's what I needed from you tonight."  Yet here you are, I thought bitterly.  "You couldn't give me what I needed from him, which was a second opinion on if I was being unreasonable.  And, you might like to know, he thought that I was being unreasonable.  He's actually pretty firmly on your side.  You might want to make friends with him, because he seems to think fairly highly of you."

Damien seemed to have gotten a grip, and his calm mask was back.  He rubbed his hand over his short hair and stifled a yawn.  "I don't know what to say," he said finally.  "I'm not happy, but I kind of understand why you did it.  And honestly, I'm glad that you talked to someone, instead of just shutting down and going with what I want.  But I'm still getting used to this, because it's really different than how things were before, and I have a problem with you inviting guys over in the middle of the night when you're pissed at me."

"That was a stupid thing that I shouldn't have done," I agreed.  "I'm sorry.  I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate this.  Half of what I thought I learned about how to function in a relationship was wrong, and I'm trying to work out how to do it right.  I'm probably going to fuck it up again, too."

We both sat silently for what seemed like forever.  Finally, Damien spoke.  "I was coming over to apologize.  I know you said you needed some space, but I just really needed to apologize.  And you weren't answering your phone.  I'm sorry I came, because I should have respected what you asked for."

"Oh," I replied.  It was late.  I was tired.  I didn't want to do this right now.

"And I should have told my family the truth," he admitted.  "It wouldn't have helped our cause any, but at least it would have been honest."

"They're going to hate me," I said, getting sucked into the conversation despite myself.

"No," Damien said.  "They're not going to hate you.  It just might take awhile for me to fix it.  But I will."

"Why?" I asked.  "Why are you going to fix it?  Do you really want me in your life badly enough to work that hard to get me back in favor with your family?  Your family that I don't want to spend every waking moment with and never will?  Is anything going to change anyway?  Why are we even doing this again?"  Maybe it was the late hour.  Maybe it was my frustration with the long evening of fighting, being vulnerable, explaining myself.  But I suddenly felt like the whole thing was hopeless and pointless and I just wanted to be alone.  And maybe the only way I could be alone was to lash out and piss him off enough that he would leave.

Damien looked up sharply.  "What are you doing, Kinsley?" he asked warily.

"We've been tiptoeing around this and each other for the last two weeks," I exploded.  "Well, you've been tiptoeing, and I've been avoiding it and demanding everything I want.  I don't want that!  It's like things are completely backwards from what they were, and that's still not right.  I don't like this.  I don't want it.  I just want...I just want..." I stopped.  What did I want?  Why was that such a hard question to answer?  I wanted it to be easy.  I wanted us both to be honest and open with each other.  I wanted to not feel like his family hated me because they thought I'd just up and stopped coming to things with them.  It was too late for all of that.

Damien watched me, and he didn't speak.  "I want to be with you, but I don't want to be with you like this," I said, finishing my thought the best that I could right now.  "I can't do this anymore tonight.  I don't care if you stay here or go home, but I need to sleep before I can finish this conversation."  This conversation that we should have had two weeks ago, but hadn't.  We'd avoided it, choosing instead to bask in the glow of our newly-back-togetherness.  Avoiding it had brought us here, to a fight that should never have happened, a stupid move by me, and another fight that shouldn't have happened.  I wasn't willing to have any more fights that should have been avoided by continuing this conversation.

"Okay," Damien agreed, surprising me.  "You're right, we're not going to get anywhere tonight.  It's late, I'm exhausted.  Can I stay?  I'll sleep in the guest room, if you want."  I nodded and went upstairs, checking to make sure the guest room had what he needed.  I didn't want him in my bed right now, because I knew it would be too easy to get up and avoid what happened if we spent the night together.

I didn't sleep well, though I didn't think I would.  Several times during the night I considered getting up and crawling into the guest bed with Damien.  It would have been so much easier to pretend none of this had happened, but that's what got us into this mess in the first place, and I was determined to get out, one way or the other.

I finally drifted off to sleep around 5 am.  When I woke up, I smelled bacon.  I groaned and rolled over, digging in the blankets for my phone.  I finally found it, and clicked the screen on.  It was 10:30.  I had a text from Cole that said, "Hope he wasn't too pissed.  Let me know if I can help."  How he thought he could help that situation was a mystery, but I appreciated the thought.  I think.  I deleted it though, because it seemed like a good idea.

I rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, then stumbled into my bathroom.  I yanked a comb through my disastrous hair and forced it into a ponytail, then brushed my teeth.  I looked fucking awful.  I was pale and the dark circles under my eyes could have used Liv's expert touch with a concealer brush.  Oh well.

I made my way downstairs, and apprehensively approached the kitchen.  "Hi," Damien said, smiling tiredly at me.  I'm ashamed to admit that I felt a tiny bit of satisfaction that he hadn't slept either.  "I hope you don't mind, I ran out to get some stuff for breakfast.  I thought we might need it."

"Thanks," I said softly.

"Coffee?" he asked, motioning to the pot on the counter.  I wrinkled my nose and shook my head, and instead took a Mountain Dew out of the fridge.  I hated coffee in the summer unless it was iced.  In the winter, I loved a good cup of disgusting black coffee, but not when it was hot outside.  He shrugged and poured himself another cup.  I got out a couple plates and some silverware, and we sat and quietly ate our breakfast together.  It was kind of awkward, but I didn't imagine the rest of today would get much better.

I washed the dishes right away when we were done, procrastinating just a little bit longer.  Then Damien poured himself the last cup of coffee, I grabbed a second Mountain Dew, and we both sat down on the couch.  I curled up in the corner, angling my body just enough towards him so that I could see him.  "Ladies first," Damien said.

I took a deep breath and said, "We jumped in too fast.  We didn't talk about all the things that happened that made us break up in the first place, and it came back to bite us.  We need to talk about those things."

"I agree," Damien replied.  "Say what you need to say."

So I did.  And he did.  We sat in my living room and we talked for three long hours.  I raised my voice, I cried, I said "fuck" too many times for it to qualify as an adult conversation, I paced, he paced, and he even said "fuck" once and "bullshit" twice, which should give you an idea of how intense the conversation was.  By the end of the three hours, I was laying on the floor and he was sprawled across my recliner, and we were clearly exhausted.

Despite how draining the conversation had been, I felt so much better than I had.  The feeling of vague unease that had tainted all our interactions for the past two weeks was gone.   We'd talked through everything that had contributed to our breakup.  We'd talked through issues we hadn't even realized were issues until the very moment we talked about them.  We both shared real, actual feelings--something neither of us were particularly good at.  We talked about setting boundaries with his family, and even came up with a plan that we both felt good about.  Finally, for the first time in over six weeks, everything felt right again.

"Damien?" I asked tentatively from my spot on the floor, stretched out in the sun like a cat.

"Yeah?"

"We're going to be okay."  It was a statement, not a question.

"We are now," he agreed.  He stood up and stretched, then sat on the floor with his back against the chair.  I shifted so I could put my head in his lap, and then I reached up and pulled the hair tie out of my hair.  Damien's hand immediately went to my head, rubbing my scalp and smoothing my hair out of my face.  It was so calming, and I shut my eyes.  "We should have had this conversation two weeks ago, but better late than never."  I nodded.

I laid there silently, enjoying Damien's fingers on my scalp and the relief I felt now that we'd finally had this conversation and it was over.  Finally, I said, "I'm starving, but I also desperately need a nap.  I don't know what to do first."

Damien laughed.  "We could order food, and then take a nap while we wait for it to be delivered," he suggested.

"That's the best idea ever," I said excitedly, sitting up.  I yawned and rubbed furiously at my eyes, which were heavy and felt like someone had tacked sandpaper onto the insides of my eyelids.  After a brief discussion about what to eat, we ordered pizza.  It was almost 2:30, and I hoped it would be here soon.  In the meantime, we moved our party of two up to the couch and I curled against his chest, content in a way I hadn't been in a month and a half.

"I feel like I'm going to have to peel you off of me on Monday to go to work," he joked.

"Fine, I'll move," I huffed, starting to sit up.

His arm snaked around me and pulled me back against him.  "I'm just teasing you," he said.  "I like it.  It's a nice change."  One of his hands rested on my shoulder, and he stroked the side of my neck and my jaw with his thumb.  I didn't think I would actually fall asleep while we waited for the pizza, but the next thing I knew, I was waking up to Damien gently shifting me off of him to go get the door.

We ate our pizza and then I put the rest in the fridge.  "Nap?" I asked yawning.  "This time you can sleep with me."

Damien laughed.  "I'd love to."

We went upstairs and climbed into my bed.  I rolled onto my side and Damien settled himself against me, wrapping his arm tightly around me from behind.  I settled against him and easily fell back to sleep.