(Now) Brody: The Trouble with Promises

As promised, a bonus post with Brody's perspective on work and recent events. 
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I hung up the phone and swore.  Liv was going to be so pissed.  Like, not speak to me for days pissed.  I never should have promised no work this weekend.  Then again, even if I hadn't promised that, she'd still be pissed. 

I could hardly blame her.  My phone would not stop.  I felt like I had spent enough time on planes in the last several months to be able to fly them myself.  I don't think Liv was exaggerating when she said we haven't spent a day together without my job interrupting since I've been back from Miami.

I'm just as frustrated as she is, but at least I expected this.  Maybe I should have done a better job of letting her know what she was getting herself into by coming back to me.  But it's too late for that now, and I had a plane ticket to book.

I texted her to let her know I was on my way.  As angry as she was going be, I knew it would only be worse if I didn't tell her in person.  On the way there, I tried to think of a way to soften the blow, but then I realized that that thought was ridiculous.  There was no way to make it suck less.  I was just going to have to apologize and weather the storm.

She didn't really yell.  She almost didn't cry.  But I was surprised at the vitriol with which she let me know exactly how angry she was.  Sarcastic, insulting Liv was not my favorite incarnation of her.  When she called me a control freak, I damn near walked out of her house right then.  The only reason I stayed was because I wanted to try to resolve things as much as possible before I left.  Apparently that wasn't on her agenda, and it was probably for the best.

By the time I walked out, I was pretty thoroughly pissed, and pretty close to not being able to hold it back anymore.  I was also really unhappy about leaving while we were both still so angry, though I recognized the necessity in letting it be for now.  So the first thing I did when I got to my car was turn off my phone.  It was nearly dead anyway, and I didn't want to be tempted to answer if she called.  Us talking now would only push this further in the wrong direction.

I had been sympathetic to her side of the situation before I had talked to her, but after the scene in her living room I was much less so.  Was she completely oblivious to the fact that my other option was to be in Miami and not be with her at all?  All these phone calls, these last minute trips, were because I wanted to be back here...with her.  Also because I wanted to be away from my dad, and own my own business, but Liv was a significant portion of the reason I wasn't living in Miami with a cushy office job and minions to do the grunt work.  I thought I'd made that pretty clear, but apparently it wasn't clear enough.   

By the time I actually got on the plane, I was much less angry and started to think about what she had said.  Did I really need to always be the person that handled these things? The constant phone calls and traveling were draining and they were interfering with my relationships.  Not just with Liv, but with Alex and Kevin and my other friends too.  But could I really push that responsibility onto someone else?  Interrupting someone else's life?  And then there was the fact that these clients that were calling at all hours were all high needs, high profile clients that needed to be handled very carefully.  Could I trust anyone to take care of them?  Was I a control freak?  It wasn't being too controlling if you wanted to be sure that your business was handled perfectly, right?  And if I really was the only one that could do it... but was I?

I had planned on trying to catch a few hours of sleep on the plane because my client's attorney wanted to see me as soon as I got into town, but now that these thoughts were rolling around in my head, any hope I had for sleep was lost.  By the time I landed, I had managed to talk myself in a circle at least three dozen times, and I was tired, frustrated, and stressed out about the situation.  While I waited for my rental car, I turned my phone on so I could let Liv know I was here.  I didn't want to potentially start any important conversations now while I needed to work, but I knew even if she was still pissed, she'd worry if she didn't hear from me.  But when my phone turned on, the battery icon flashed at me and then my screen went black again.  And I could see my charger very clearly in my mind, sitting on my desk.  Shit.

I drove straight to the attorney's office.  I'd have to pick up a charger when I was done.  By the time I left his office, I was pissed off again.  I had half a mind to tell my client he needed a new fucking attorney that didn't call me down there every time my client looked at someone wrong.  I absolutely did not need to be here for this, and the attorney had majorly inflated the situation when he called me and asked me to come down.  I probably wouldn't have been as mad if the situation hadn't caused a big fight with Liv, and I calmed myself down enough to get out of there without doing anything but smiling and letting him know I'd get right to work.

I found a hotel and was too tired to do anything when I finished my work but crash.  I realized once I was in bed that I had forgotten to pick up a phone charger.  I'd go tomorrow.

It was mid-morning by the time I managed to drag myself out of bed.  I finished up the work I had to do, sent a couple emails, and booked a flight back to Denver for this evening.  Then I went out in search of a phone charger so I could call Liv.  Maybe we could still salvage some of this weekend.

When I got back, I plugged in my phone and let it charge while I showered.  When I turned it on, I saw I had a voicemail.  I was guessing it was from Liv, and I just called her back before listening to it.  My call went straight to her voicemail, and I was confused.  Was she purposely avoiding me?  I called my voicemail to listen to her message.   "Brody, Lynn was in an accident.  She's in the hospital and I'm about to fly to Madison.  Please call me when you get this...I'm sorry for the way I acted.  I was out of line.  Please call me.  I love you."  I felt like I had been kicked in the gut.  The message was eerily like the message that I had gotten from my mom the night Heather died, minus the hospital part, the flying part, and the apology.  I was so shaken up by it that it took me several minutes to actually process the information in the message.

As soon as I did, I forgot about Heather.  I tried Liv again, still voicemail.  I had no idea what time she left her message.  Was she flying right now?  I called the airline and unsuccessfully attempted to sweet talk my way into a flight change without a fee.  When that didn't work, I tried throwing my weight around.  When that didn't work, I sighed and paid the damn fee.  The only way I could get a flight that day was to fly into Milwaukee and drive, so when I got off the phone I got back on my laptop and rented a car.

Then I tried Liv again, even though it had only been 15 minutes.  Still straight to voicemail.  I pulled up google and typed her dad's name (good remembering, huh?  I was impressed with myself) into the search box.  Within seconds I found his work number and was dialing it.

"Hello, this is Chris," came a crisp, baritone voice.

"Hi, my name is Brody Adler, and I'm Liv's boyfriend," I introduced myself awkwardly.  Not the best first conversation to have with your girlfriend's dad.  "I got a message from her saying she was flying to Madison, but I've been traveling myself and I have no idea when she left it.  I'm trying to get a hold of her, but her phone is off."

"Well hello Brody Adler, Liv's boyfriend." he replied, and he sounded cheerful.  "I've been trying to get a hold of her as well.  She's here in town though; I got her at the airport this morning and dropped her off at the hospital."

"I'm flying into Milwaukee this afternoon and driving up there," I said.  "Can you tell me where I can find her?  And is Lynn okay?"

He proceeded to give me the address of the hospital on campus and directions there from the airport.  He gave me the limited information he had about Lynn, and it didn't sound good.  "It's snowing pretty good here," he warned me, "so drive safe."  I assured him that I would, thanked him for the information and his time, and hung up.  My flight time was in two hours, so I quickly packed up my stuff and left for the airport. 

I spent most of this flight worrying about Liv.  I knew how much she cared about Lynn.  She had to be a wreck.  In the back of my mind, I knew that a conversation needed to be had about my commitment to work, if it was reasonable to make any changes, and if we would be able to deal with this long term, but for now I just wanted to be with her. 

It was indeed snowing pretty good when we landed, and a quick check of my still barely charged phone told me it was supposed to continue through the evening.  Of course.  I tried to call Liv again, still straight to voicemail.  I picked up my rental and programmed the hospital address into the GPS and took off.

I was nearly to Madison when my phone rang.  I answered without looking, hoping it was Liv.  It turned out to be Chris.  "Hey, can you do me and my wife a big favor?" he asked after I'd answered.

"I'll do what I can," I replied, curious.

"You might already know this, but Liv has a tendency to forget to eat when she's upset.  Can you try to make sure she gets something to eat?  If you can actually get her to eat, I'll be impressed, but if you could at least try, we would appreciate it."

"Liv, not eating?" I asked, surprised.  "Of course, I'll pick something up."

"I know, it was sometimes the only way we could tell if she was sick or upset about something," Chris replied with a chuckle.  We hung up and I marveled over the foreign idea of Liv not eating.  When I got close, I stopped and picked up some food.  I realized that I hadn't eaten much either, and ate mine while I drove the rest of the way.

It almost took me longer to find a damn place to park than it took me to drive there.  I was so sick of traveling and I wished that nothing from the last 24 hours had happened.  I just wanted to be back in Denver with Liv.  I walked inside and found an information desk, and they were able to direct me to the ICU waiting area.

I didn't see Liv at first, but then I noticed her laying across a few chairs.  She looked like she was sleeping, and she was flanked on one side by a good looking guy and on the other by a tall redhead who was curled into a ball in her chair and also appeared to be sleeping.  I approached their small group and crouched down in front of Liv.  I didn't want to wake her.  "You must be the boyfriend?" the guy asked.

"I am," I replied, cocking an eyebrow at him curiously.

"John," he said, holding out his hand to me.  Ah, John the Ex, I assumed.  I shook his hand and introduced myself.  "She's going to be awfully happy to see you, I think," he continued.  "She's in rough shape."

I pushed her hair out of her face and she stirred.  I squeezed her shoulder gently.  "Liv," I said softly.  Her eyes flew open and she sat up.  I was completely taken aback by her appearance.  The shadows under her eyes were so dark that if you looked quickly, it looked almost like she had been punched in the face.  Her skin was pale and drawn, except around her eyes where it was red and puffy.  It was obvious that she was miserable, and I hurt for her.

I hugged her tightly as she threw her arms around me, and any lingering anger I had from last night faded immediately.  I was a little thrown off when my proffered food sent her into a sobbing fit.  While she was crying, John filled me in on the fact that Liv hadn't slept since she had gotten up yesterday morning or eaten since the night before.  That certainly didn't help anything.

I pulled her over to a quieter corner of the waiting room and sat her down.  She choked out a scattered, emotional apology and we talked briefly about last night before I prompted her to eat.  She took the sandwich and ate silently, and I was surprised, since Chris had warned me it might not  happen, and John had said he couldn't get her to eat earlier.

I was relieved when the tall redhead told us we needed to leave.  I was exhausted and Liv clearly was too.  We both needed to be in bed.  Not that I thought either of us would get much sleep tonight.  Liv wasn't exactly good at sleeping when she was stressed out.  Then again, who is?

She seemed dazed and almost in a trance as I led her to the elevator and then the car.  I wished that there was something I could do to make this better, but the whole situation sucked and there was nothing any of us could do but wait. 

Liv's mom bombarded her with questions before we even walked in the door, and I wanted to tell her to shut up and back off a little.  But Liv dutifully filled her parents in, and then willingly sat down to the food her mom had saved for us, so I kept my mouth shut.  I was happy when Liv said she wanted to go to bed when we were done eating.

As I suspected, neither of us fell asleep easily.  I was too busy thinking about how I was going to better balance work and life and Liv, and even if I could have fallen asleep, Liv was thrashing around all over the place.  After one more crying fit, I finally got her settled, laying still against me.  The exhaustion must have finally won out over the stress and anxiety and her head got heavier against my chest as she fell asleep.

That gave me a little more time to think about what I was going to do.  I knew I had to make some changes, both for Liv's sake and mine.  I couldn't keep up this pace for much longer without losing my mind.  As I laid there, waiting for sleep, I started to formulate the plan I should have made months ago.