The Best Christmas Present Ever

Posting bonuses is a lot like eating delicious junk food.  Once I do it a couple weeks in a row, I can't seem to stop myself.

We're about a week ahead of real time, so I guess that Christmas is coming early for Liv this year, just like Thanksgiving.  Oh well!  I might end up take a day off during the week of Christmas, but I will keep you posted.
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My last full week of work was proving to be busy.  I was staying late every night to make sure I had all my loose ends up tied up, plus fitting in my clients that I'd had to cancel from Monday.  My clients were bummed about me leaving, and I hated that part.  Consistency is a big deal in this field, and I hated being the person that left.  I saw my clients for the last time this week; I was reserving my couple days in the office next week for paperwork.

 On Wednesday I didn't get home until after 8pm and I wanted nothing more than to take a bath and go to bed.  I was even completely indifferent to eating dinner, because I was just so tired.  I considered getting up early to go to the gym in the morning, because it had been far too long since I had been there.  I could feel the effect it was having on me, physically and mentally.  Then I laughed at myself, because I'd be lucky if I got up with enough time to do my hair in the morning.

I was microwaving an incredibly unexciting frozen meal when someone knocked on my door.  I sighed, guessing it was Cassie.  I hadn't seen or talked to her since the night we were all out with James and Damien and I knew we needed to catch up, but I was so drained that being around people was not appealing.  I considered ignoring her knock at the door, but finally went and answered it.

"Liv, you look awful," Cassie proclaimed, slipping past me into my living room.

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically.  "You, on the other hand, look just lovely."  She did, of course.  She beamed at me.

"You look great compared to most people," she amended, "but you do look exhausted."

"I am," I said, offering her a bottle of water.  She shook her head and wrinkled her nose at my frozen dinner when I pulled it out of the microwave.  "I can't manage anything else tonight," I snapped defensively.

"You are in a terrible mood," Cassie said.  "I thought getting a new job was supposed to make your life better."

"Sorry," I replied sheepishly.  "I really am in a terrible mood."  I explained the weekend--the fight with Brody, Lynn's accident, then last minute trip to Wisconsin, and my lack of sleep.

"Ahhh," she said, understanding on her face.  "That makes a lot of sense.  I'd be in a terrible mood too. Actually, I probably wouldn't have answered the door."

"I almost didn't," I said, with a wry smile.  "But now that you're here, you might as well stay for a bit and tell me how things are going for you!"

She filled me in on Ben, the guy she was currently interested in.  "We all went out this weekend and he was there.  We talked for about 45 minutes, but Liv, he is so boring.  He almost put me to sleep with his rambling on and on.  I don't care how hot you are, if I would rather stab myself in the eardrum than listen to you talk, I'm not interested."

I laughed.  "Well, I guess you don't have to worry about impressing him then, huh?"

"Nope," she agreed, shaking her head.  "Now his brother, on the other hand..."  I raised my eyebrows curiously.  "He brought his brother, and he is hot and interesting.  New target!"  I rolled my eyes and laughed.  Cassie left shortly after, and I took my bath and got into bed early.

I called Brody on Thursday at lunch to tell him I wasn't going to happy hour.  He asked if he could come over after work and even though I just wanted to go home and go to bed, I said yes.  After all the time we'd been spending together, not seeing him for an entire day and a half felt like a really long time, and I wanted to see him.

On my way home from work, my phone rang and I was excited to see that it was Lynn.  I had talked to her briefly a few times, but she was still doing a lot of sleeping and was on a lot of pain meds and she hadn't yet called me on her own.  I answered excitedly.  "Hi, Liv!" she said brightly.  She sounded good, and it was such a relief that I almost cried.

"Lynn, you sound so good!" I greeted her.

"I feel pretty good today," she replied.  "I mean, I still feel like I got hit by a truck, but relatively speaking, I feel good."  She chuckled a little at her own terrible joke and I knew she was starting to feel better.

We chatted for about 15 minutes.  She told me they were hoping to move her from the hospital to a rehab facility this weekend.  She was going crazy with having to stay in bed and she was looking forward to starting PT and OT and getting back on her feet, literally.  By the end of the 15 minutes, she sounded considerably less energetic than she had at the beginning of the conversation, and I gently suggested that she get some rest.  She didn't protest, and we hung up shortly after.


Brody showed up at about 8:30 with a bag of takeout in one hand and a brightly wrapped package about the size of a shoebox in the other.  I took the takeout and looked curiously at the package.  "What's that?" I asked, getting out plates and silverware.

He kissed me lightly.  "Your Christmas present," he replied, grinning at me.

"Um, Christmas is next Thursday," I pointed out, confused.  I hadn't even figured out what to get him yet.  I also didn't know what I would be doing over Christmas.  I wasn't able to get tickets back to Wisconsin again, because of the cost of the last minute ticket to see Lynn, and Brody hadn't mentioned anything about his family.  I know I had told him we weren't going to go back to Wisconsin, but maybe his family wasn't big on Christmas.  Or maybe they didn't want me after the Thanksgiving debacle. 

"Yes, I know, but there's a good reason for you to open it early, so after we eat, you should open it," he said.  I shrugged and we sat down to eat.  Brody was super cheerful through dinner, but now that I had been thinking about Christmas, I was quiet.  Christmas was always a huge deal in my family, and this would be my first Christmas ever away from them.  I was a lot sadder about it than I thought I'd be, and I had actually looked at ticket prices the night before and was seriously disappointed to see ridiculously high prices.  Stupid holiday travel.

"What's wrong?" Brody asked, as I silently stabbed a piece of chicken in my pad thai.

"Nothing," I mumbled, pushing my noodles around.  I stabbed at another piece of chicken, and it skittered off my plate.  Brody put his hand on mine to still it, then tipped my chin up, forcing me to make eye contact.

"Liar," he said gently.  "Tell me."

I sighed.  "I'm just really bummed about not going home for Christmas," I said.  "Between worrying about Lynn and not getting to see my family for Christmas, it just sucks."  I was baffled and a little irritated as Brody smiled happily at me.  "I'm glad you're amused," I muttered.

"I'm not," he said quickly.  "I just...well, here.  Open this."  He shoved the present at me.  I failed to see how an early Christmas gift would make that much difference in my mood, but I was definitely curious.  When I opened the top of the box, I gasped.  I stared at him, then quickly back to the contents of the box.

As I jumped up to hug him, I knocked the box off the table and the printed email confirmation of the purchase of two tickets from Denver to Madison, Wisconsin fluttered to the floor.  I threw my arms around him at a really awkward angle thanks to the table, and as soon as he hugged me back, I started to cry.

"Hey, don't do that," Brody said gently, pushing his chair away from the table and pulling me down into his lap.  He rubbed my back as I sniffled against his chest.  "Are they happy tears at least?" he asked.  I nodded.  "Good," he said.

When I collected myself and moved back to my own seat at the table, I said, "Thank you.  Seriously, this is the best gift anyone's ever given me, but I can't believe you spent so much."

He shrugged.  "It was worth it to see the look on your face when you opened it," he responded with a smile.  "When you told me you couldn't get a ticket, I wanted to offer to get them, but I knew you'd say no.  I bought them that night anyway and have been waiting very impatiently to give them to you since."

We finished our dinner and I quickly got the dishes in the dishwasher.  I slid my arms around Brody's waist and rested my head against his chest.  "Thank you," I said again, my eyes locked on the piece of the paper with the flight information.  "I love you."

"I love you too, Liv," he replied.  "I'm excited to spend Christmas with you and your family."

That made me chuckle.  "I wouldn't say that yet.  You haven't met my Grandma."  He laughed too.

"Hey, are you spending the night?" I asked.

"I planned on it, if that's okay."

"It's definitely okay.  I can show you just how much I appreciate your gift," I said, leaning back and raising an eyebrow at him.

"Now that sounds like an excellent plan," he said back, leaning down to kiss me.

Lunch Break

Getting up on Tuesday was painful.  I still felt emotionally raw and exhausted from the weekend.  It must have been obvious, because the first thing Brody said to me when I trudged out of the bathroom post-shower was, "Maybe you shouldn't go to work today."

"I have to," I muttered, rubbing my forehead.  I had an awful headache.  "I just need some caffeine."

Brody regarded me skeptically.  "And some water.  You probably dehydrated yourself with all your crying."  I glared at him as he smiled teasingly at me.

"You're lucky I love you," I grumbled. 

"I am," he replied, grinning.  "Now get dressed before I get any more distracted by you standing there in a towel and neither of us make it to work on time." 

I was dressed by the time he got out of the shower, but it wasn't a speedy process.  My head was throbbing and bending and moving just made it worse.  "Seriously, Liv, I think you should take a sick day," Brody said when I went into the bathroom to dry my hair.  He brushed his fingers lightly across my forehead and I winced, even though his touch didn't hurt.

"I'd love to," I replied, "but I really can't."  Brody shrugged and walked into my bedroom to get dressed.  I went through the motions of getting ready, doing my best to try to wake up.  As soon as I could choke down a piece of toast, I swallowed two ibuprofen.

I stopped for coffee on the way to the office and by the time I'd consumed that and a bottle of water, I started to feel a bit better.  Which was good, because I had a ton of work to do after being out Friday and Monday.  I scrambled to get my clients rescheduled.  I managed to get most of them rescheduled for this coming Friday, and I got one each in at the end of Wednesday and Thursday.

I looked down when my phone vibrated.  "Wanna grab lunch?" Brody texted.

I texted back, "Can't, only have a break from 12:45-1."

"That's too bad.  How's your head?"

"Better.  Still hurts a little but nothing like this morning."

"Good.  Don't work too hard and make it worse again."

I shook my head.  So worried about me.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it a little, though.  Smiling, I got back to work.


My desk phone rang at 12:45 as I was finishing up with my 12:00 client.  I silenced it as I stood to walk my client out.  As my client disappeared through the door to the waiting room, the person at the front desk said tentatively, "Um, Olivia?"  I turned.  Leigh was out sick today and Gina, one of our newest hires, was covering the front desk.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I called your desk?"  She looked so nervous.  Poor thing probably wouldn't last long here.

I flashed her a friendly smile.  "Sorry, I was with a client, what's up?"

She motioned to the waiting room with her head.  "Someone's here for you?"  Every sentence she spoke sounded like a question. 

I stuck my head out in the waiting room, assuming it was probably my next client here early.  I was surprised to see Brody leaning against the wall.  He smiled when I saw him.  I cocked my head at him curiously and motioned him back.

"Hey," he said, kissing me chastely once I was leading him back to my office.  I eyed the bag in his hand suspiciously.  "I brought you lunch.  I know you don't have long so I won't stay, but I wanted to make sure you had something to eat, because I was pretty sure you weren't thinking about lunch this morning."

I smiled at him and showed him into my office.  "Thank you," I said, shutting the door and taking the bag he offered me.  It contained a sandwich, a cup of soup, and a cookie from the coffee shop across the street.  "You can stay until my next client gets here, if you have time."  He started to sit in the comfortable arm chair in the corner but I shook my head.  "Too weird, you're not my client.  Here."  I kicked my desk chair towards him and sat on my desk.

"How about you sit in this chair, and I'll sit on your desk," he suggested.

"Nope, I'm already here.  Sit."   He shook his head but recognized a losing battle and sat.  I ate my lunch and waited for the phone to ring to alert me to my client coming.  I frowned at my watch at 1:07 when she still wasn't there.  I kicked Brody out briefly to call her, but she didn't answer, so I left a message.  I opened my door again and let Brody back in, shrugging.  "I think I'm being no-showed."

"That's terrible," he said with a smirk, as I settled back onto my desk to finish my lunch.  He sat in my desk chair and rolled it up to me.  He rested his forearms on my thighs as I sat, his fingers stroking my hips.

"Careful," I warned him.  "We are at my job.  And even though I'm done in a week, I don't have any desire to give anyone a show before I leave."

"You're no fun," he pouted.  He took one of my feet, dangling next to his leg, and slid my heel off of it.  His fingers massaged along the ball of my foot, to the arch, and back to my heel.  I sighed happily and he grinned at me.  "If you won't let me do you on your desk, maybe I can see you tonight?"

"Keep doing that, and I'll agree to just about anything," I replied, as he started on my other foot.  "This is probably the best lunch break ever."

"It could be even better, but you're just no fun," he teased.  We made plans for me to meet Brody at his house tonight after work.  He was going to pick up something for dinner on his way home.  "I should get going," he replied after our plans were made.  "I've spent way too long away from the office already."  He picked my shoes up off the floor and slipped them back onto my feet, then stood and kissed me.

I looked at the small clock on the windowsill and saw that it was already almost 1:45.  "Thanks for lunch," I said, smiling.  "And the foot rub.  That was the best part."  I walked him back to the door and flashed a grin at Gina's curious look.  She turned bright red and quickly looked away.  Brody grinned mischievously and kissed me a little more intensely than was appropriate for work.  I swatted his arm as I pulled away and spotted the tips of Gina's ears turning red. 

"See you later," he said softly, his eyes sparkling and intense on mine.  I almost melted.  I couldn't believe what he could do to me with just a look, even now.

I felt refreshed after my break and had a great afternoon.  After work I ran home to shower and change.  I pulled on leggings, a tank top, and a fitted hooded sweatshirt.  I grabbed a bottle of wine and headed out to Brody's house.

I knocked and walked in, finding Brody in the kitchen pulling out plates and silverware.  He was wearing a pair of dark gray sweatpants that did amazing things for his ass, and I was disappointed when he turned around to greet me.  Even though we had spent the past several nights together, sex had been the furthest thing from my mind...at least until Brody's surprise lunch visit.

"Hi," he said, taking the bottle of wine out of my hand and setting it on the counter.  He pulled me close and kissed me as if he hadn't spent the last 4 days with me.

"Hi," I replied breathlessly when he pulled away.  I smiled as he leaned his forehead against mine.  His fingers gripped my hips, keeping me tight against him.  After several seconds he released me with a kiss on a forehead.

"Hungry?" he asked.  I nodded, and we got settled on the couch with our food. "You look much better than you did this morning," he commented.  "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, I was right, I just needed some caffeine.  ...And some water."

"So I was right too," he teased.

"Yeah, yeah, you were right too," I agreed.  "A lunch break foot massage from my amazing boyfriend didn't hurt either." 

"Always happy to help," he said, grinning.  His phone rang from his pocket and he pulled it out.  He frowned at the screen and answered it.  He talked for a couple minutes before getting up and disappearing in the direction of his office.  I continued to eat, not even irritated.  It was amazing what having a concrete plan and an end in sight will do to improve a less-than-ideal situation.

When he returned nearly 15 minutes later, he smiled sheepishly.  "Sorry," he apologized.  "That was something I should have wrapped up before I left the office, but I was in a hurry and forgot." 

"Don't be," I replied.  "I'm being flexible now, remember?"  He laughed.  "I'm just glad I get to spend the evening with you," I finished. 

After we finished eating, Brody took our plates into the kitchen.  When he came back, he pulled my feet into his lap.  "I think I can do better than I did at lunchtime," he said, tugging my socks off and dropping them onto the floor.

"Did everything get straightened out in Dallas?" I asked curiously, relaxing against the arm of the couch as Brody's thumb slid firmly up the arch of my foot.

He looked up at me in surprise before answering carefully, "Yeah, it got taken care of.  It was quick one. But I don't want to talk about work."

His face was guarded, and I was confused.  "Okay...is everything alright?" I asked tentatively, not sure what accounted for his sudden avoidance of the subject.

He sighed, and his hands stilled as he set my foot back down in his lap.  He looked like he was considering something for several seconds before he spoke.  "Honestly, I probably didn't need to go down there at all," he admitted.  "My client's attorney made the situation sound a lot worse than it actually was.  I was actually pretty pissed when I got down there and found out that it was something I could have dealt with from home.  This client has been such a pain that I just went without getting enough information.  I wasn't going to say anything about it because I didn't think I needed to add any fuel to the fire."

"Oh," I replied lamely.  He raised his eyebrows at me, waiting for more.  I shook my head.  "I wouldn't have told me either," I agreed.  "Not after the way I acted on Thursday.  But it wasn't your fault, so now that I'm in a much more reasonable state of mind, I'm not mad about it.  You handled the situation in the way you thought you had to with the information you had."

Brody looked relieved and picked my foot up and got back to work on it.  "I did," he said.  "But now I'm working on some procedures to help determine when travel is really necessary.  It'll keep our costs down, and in turn keep our clients' costs down.  And it will help keep angry significant others to a minimum."  He smirked at me when he said that, and I was glad that he had told me and we could joke about it now.  "These are all the things that other people handled when I was working with my dad, that I didn't think a ton about until they came up.  Or thought about, but didn't have the time or manpower to solve until they became more of a priority." 

His fingers moved from my foot up my calf, and I groaned as he pressed on the tight muscle.  He tugged gently on my leg, sliding me a little closer to him.  He went as far as my knee before moving to the other foot and calf.  This time he didn't stop at my knee, but slid closer to me and continued up my leg, ended when his fingers were at the very top of my inner thigh, so close to where I was hoping they were going.  When he pulled them away and moved back to my other leg, I glared at him.  He laughed and continued his slow progress up my leg. This time when he got to the top, he slid his hands up to the waistband of my leggings and peeled them down.

He pulled me upright and kissed me while he unzipped my sweatshirt and pushed it off my arms.  As soon as my arms were free, I went for his shirt and we broke apart long enough for me to tug his shirt and mine off.  He pushed his sweatpants off and kicked them away, then pulled me onto his lap.  His lips found mine as he unhooked my bra and pulled that off.  His hands went straight for my breasts as I moved my hips against his.  He groaned and I repositioned myself so I could slide down onto him.  I moved slowly at first, and he slid his hand in between us and moved his thumb in small circles against me.

I pressed my face into his neck as I came, and he flipped me over onto my back and thrust hard into me until he finished, collapsing on top of me.  I wriggled out from under him and he shifted so we were side by side.  I felt relaxed for the first time since our fight on Thursday evening.  I settled back against him and yawned.  After a few minutes, Brody said, "Should we go to bed?"  I nodded and sat up.  I pulled my leggings and tank top on, because it's so weird to walk around other people's houses naked.

As I was brushing my teeth and washing my face, I couldn't help but think about the way that Brody didn't want to tell me about Dallas.  I knew that my behavior on Thursday was the reason why, and I didn't blame him for being hesitant to tell me.  I was mad at myself all over again for the way I acted and that it had carried over into affecting other things like that.  I tried to push it out of my head because we were moving forward from it, but my brain betrayed me and I couldn't rationalize it away.

When we got back into bed, I rolled over to face him and buried my face against his chest.  He wrapped his arms around me and I said, "I hate fighting with you."

"We're fighting?" he asked, sounding confused.

"We were on Thursday.  And it made you not want to tell me about Dallas.  And I hate it." 

"Your ability to beat yourself up is incredible," he replied.  "I don't think I'll have to ever be mad at you for anything because you'll always be mad enough at yourself for both of us."

"I'm just really good at worrying," I said, shifting so I was even closer to him.

"I know you are.  Stop it," he instructed me. 

I snorted.  "Don't tell me what to do!" I replied indignantly.

"Then go to sleep," he said.

"Still bossing me."

"Then don't go to sleep."

"What should I do instead?" I asked, leaning away from him and cocking an eyebrow, even though it was dark and he couldn't see it.

He laughed.  "I don't know, I'm not supposed to tell you what to do, remember?"

"Good thing I have some ideas," I responded, sitting up and straddling him.  And just like that, I forgot all about my worries about our fight.

The New Plan

On Monday, I got 15 more precious minutes with Lynn.  This time, I was better prepared and didn't cry, and she was a bit more alert.  She didn't remember what we had talked about the day before but she did remember that I had been there.  I was worried she wouldn't remember it at all, so I considered that a positive thing.

She was still in a lot of pain and very heavily medicated, so our visit was similar to Sunday's, and I sat with her, held her hand, and did the vast majority of the talking.  Even though her eyes were closed nearly the whole time I was there, she'd occasionally make a comment or weakly squeeze my hand, and I stayed with her until she fell asleep again.  It took me a minute or two after she fell asleep to talk myself into leaving, knowing that I wouldn't see her again for awhile.  I finally got up when a kind-faced nurse stuck her head in the room and gently told me that my stolen time, which had again been overlooked by the staff, was up.

I got little teary saying goodbye to Kathy and Dan.  I just wasn't ready to leave, especially because I knew that with how much this plane ticket had cost, I wouldn't be able to come back again for Christmas (or any other time soon).  Kathy promised to keep me updated and to have Lynn call as soon as she was feeling up to it.

On the way to the airport, Brody chatted away about random things, probably trying to distract me from my sullen, distracted moping.  Then he asked something that got my attention.

"You and John were already broken up when you moved, right?"

I turned and looked at him.  I wasn't sure if this was a last ditch effort to distract me, or if he seriously wanted to hear about my last relationship.  After studying his face briefly, I decided it was likely a pretty even combination of the two.

"Yes, for the second time," I said.  I didn't elaborate, because I wasn't sure how much he wanted to know.  I know that he had spent some time talking to John during the many hours we'd spent in the hospital, and I wished that we'd stop hanging out with my exes.

"Why'd you break up?" he asked curiously.  I generally considered ex-talk to be something to avoid, but I realized that he had told me about Savannah on our second date, and had been pretty open about his sexual and dating past.  I decided I could give him the same.

"Well, the first time we broke up because things just got...stale.  We were practically living together.  We each had our own places, but we only spent nights apart once every two weeks or so.  We were both completely at home in the other's place, and would be there without them and such.  We just both stopped putting in the effort, I think.  We never went out anymore, we never really talked about anything besides work, we never complimented each other.  Everything was mechanical and tired."  I looked at Brody, gauging his reaction to see if I was providing more information than he cared about.  He glanced quickly at me and nodded encouragingly.

"I realized it one day, and we talked about it.  We made some plans for how to take better care of our relationship, but I was the only one that bothered trying.  After about a month of me being the only one putting in effort, I gave up.  It didn't even seem to bother him, and he made no effort to pick up the slack, so I ended things.  That didn't seem to bother him either.  At least not until he found out I was applying to jobs in other states.  We had been apart for about 3 months at that point, and he had rarely even contacted me.  He was polite but not friendly when we ran into each other.  But when he heard through the grapevine that I was applying to jobs all over, he called me.

"He asked me to dinner, and I went.  He put in the effort, planned a nice date, and I remembered what I loved about him.  I had done a little dating in between and it hadn't gone well, so I just kind of fell back into things with John.  But the effort only lasted a couple weeks, and about a month into it, he lost his job.  He got really surly and financially dependent on me.  He made no effort to find a new one, constantly wanted to go out on my dime--and I was a grad student that was barely working full time.  I didn't mind picking up the tab for dinner and occasional drinks, but he had no problem racking up a $100 bar tab three times a week.  And then on top of that, he wasn't being respectful of my time or my space or my emotional needs, and he was downright mean to me a lot of the time.  He expected me to meet his emotional, financial, and physical needs but there was nothing in it for me, so I was just done."

"But he wasn't," Brody finished, maybe remembering what I had told him about the night I had dinner with John.

"Right," I agreed.  "He clung onto the threads even after I moved, but he's been good since we had dinner that night he was in Denver."

By this point we were at the airport, and the conversation got lost as we dropped off the rental car, checked in, and went through security.  When we were sitting at the gate in the small airport, he said, "Thanks for telling me about John, I've been curious for awhile, especially after meeting him."

"You could have asked," I replied.

"I did," he pointed out.  "Just not when I first started wondering."  He put an arm around me and I settled my head against his shoulder.  "It seems like he cares a lot about you."

I leaned away so I could look up at him, wondering if there was jealousy or possession behind that statement.  But he smiled at me, and I didn't pick up on it being anything but an observation. 

"Now you know my two most recent exes--not that James really counts as an ex--and have heard at least one embarrassing date story from them.  I'm not sure if I should be relieved or not," I joked.  He chuckled.

"Are there more embarrassing date stories to be told?" he asked.

"If I said no, would you believe me?"

"No, but I'd let it go.  For now anyway."

"Then no," I declared.  He laughed again.

By the time we finally made it back to my house, it was after 6.  I pulled my car into the garage and Brody parked his SUV in the driveway.  Brody ordered a pizza while I took a quick shower.  He showered after.

"Thank you for everything this weekend," I said as we ate our pizza a little bit later.  "It means a lot that you came, even though you were probably pissed at me.  I don't know how I would have made it through the weekend on my own."

"Liv, I love you.  I didn't stop loving you just because we got in a fight.  Especially a fight that I had a role in causing.  It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gone to Dallas."

"Yeah, but it did happen, and I handed it really terribly.  I know that this stuff comes up and that it's unavoidable.  I know you wouldn't go if you didn't have to.  I was awful to you, and I'm sorry for being a total asshole about it all.  You're not a control freak, and I love you too."  I felt crappy just thinking about the fight.

"I'm sorry too," he said.  He put down his pizza and looked at me.  He looked really serious and it made me anxious all over again.  I put down my pizza too.  "And, as much as I hate to admit it, you were right.  I am a bit of a control freak.  It's time for me start trusting some of my people to do their jobs.  I spent the entire flight to Dallas thinking about it."  He paused and smiled at me.  "I'm going to start training a few of my top people to be able to take the after hours calls and make the trips that I usually do.  I should have done it a long time ago, but I had my system down and it was easier for me to just keep doing it."

I processed what he was saying and nodded slowly.  He continued.  "Once I have them trained, I'll set up an on-call schedule so the burden of those calls and trips will be spread around, and we'll be able to plan and know when I might get called--that way we won't have a date or a weekend trip ruined by a surprise phone call.  This should seriously lower my stress and workload, at least after they're trained and I get used to letting go of some control."

"I like that idea," I said, smiling.

"Me too," he agreed.  "But you need to know that it's not going to change overnight.  I'm still going to have to handle most of that stuff until I can get people ready to do it.  So this weekend could still happen again.  How do you feel about that?"

"How long do you think it will be?" I asked.  "If I have an idea of how long, that will help."

"Between 3 and 6 months, if I had to guess.  Hopefully a lot closer to 3 than 6, but that's not a promise.  Can you hang in there for that long?  I know this isn't fun for you, and I'll do my best to minimize any trips I need to take and interruptions to our time together, but I'll really need you to be flexible until then."

"If I know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I think I can manage a few months," I replied.  "Just knowing that you're working on making things different helps a lot."

He stood and pulled me to my feet, then hugged me tightly.  "Good, because I don't want to fight with you like that again," he said.  "It was awful to leave after that, with nothing resolved."  I was still so overwhelmed from the whole weekend that I started crying again.  He pulled back and looked at me with concern.  "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I sniffled.   "It's just the weekend catching up with me.  This has been the worst weekend.  I feel like all I've done is cry."  He sat down and pulled me against his chest.

"Cry and toss and turn," he said with a laugh.  That got me to laugh too, and I was soon done crying. I shifted so I was more comfortable, but stayed curled against his chest.  He tightened his arms around me. 

"Do you want me to stay?" he asked.

I considered, then said, "I think I'm okay."

"That's not what I asked," Brody replied.  "I know you're okay.  But do you want me to stay?"  I nodded.  "Okay, good.  That works for me, since I have clothes for tomorrow.  I wasn't sure if you might want some space."

"No, I want you to stay."

"Then I'll stay," he said, kissing me on the forehead. 

Author's Note

It's my last week of school stuff for the semester, and as I procrastinate now so I can hate myself later, I decided this blog needed some organization.  So I wasted a great deal of my Saturday morning labeling posts.  This will make it easier to find related posts, or to look back on an old post if you wanted to.  Frankly, it will be exceedingly helpful for me, but you guys might find it useful it as well.

So now you'll find little tags at the bottom of each post that are clickable and will take you to all the posts in that category.  You can search by character (which will bring up all posts with that character in it or where that character has a significant mention), character perspective, character back story, some significant character pairs (so the Liv and Brody tag will take you to all the posts that have significant interactions between Liv and Brody), and a few major events (like Thanksgiving).

This feature is probably old news to most people that are familiar with blogging, but for some reason I had avoided it until now.  It's amazing what procrastination will make you do ;)

Let me know if you have questions, if you'd like to see a particular tag, or if a post is missing a tag that you think should be there. 

(Now) Brody: The Trouble with Promises

As promised, a bonus post with Brody's perspective on work and recent events. 
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I hung up the phone and swore.  Liv was going to be so pissed.  Like, not speak to me for days pissed.  I never should have promised no work this weekend.  Then again, even if I hadn't promised that, she'd still be pissed. 

I could hardly blame her.  My phone would not stop.  I felt like I had spent enough time on planes in the last several months to be able to fly them myself.  I don't think Liv was exaggerating when she said we haven't spent a day together without my job interrupting since I've been back from Miami.

I'm just as frustrated as she is, but at least I expected this.  Maybe I should have done a better job of letting her know what she was getting herself into by coming back to me.  But it's too late for that now, and I had a plane ticket to book.

I texted her to let her know I was on my way.  As angry as she was going be, I knew it would only be worse if I didn't tell her in person.  On the way there, I tried to think of a way to soften the blow, but then I realized that that thought was ridiculous.  There was no way to make it suck less.  I was just going to have to apologize and weather the storm.

She didn't really yell.  She almost didn't cry.  But I was surprised at the vitriol with which she let me know exactly how angry she was.  Sarcastic, insulting Liv was not my favorite incarnation of her.  When she called me a control freak, I damn near walked out of her house right then.  The only reason I stayed was because I wanted to try to resolve things as much as possible before I left.  Apparently that wasn't on her agenda, and it was probably for the best.

By the time I walked out, I was pretty thoroughly pissed, and pretty close to not being able to hold it back anymore.  I was also really unhappy about leaving while we were both still so angry, though I recognized the necessity in letting it be for now.  So the first thing I did when I got to my car was turn off my phone.  It was nearly dead anyway, and I didn't want to be tempted to answer if she called.  Us talking now would only push this further in the wrong direction.

I had been sympathetic to her side of the situation before I had talked to her, but after the scene in her living room I was much less so.  Was she completely oblivious to the fact that my other option was to be in Miami and not be with her at all?  All these phone calls, these last minute trips, were because I wanted to be back here...with her.  Also because I wanted to be away from my dad, and own my own business, but Liv was a significant portion of the reason I wasn't living in Miami with a cushy office job and minions to do the grunt work.  I thought I'd made that pretty clear, but apparently it wasn't clear enough.   

By the time I actually got on the plane, I was much less angry and started to think about what she had said.  Did I really need to always be the person that handled these things? The constant phone calls and traveling were draining and they were interfering with my relationships.  Not just with Liv, but with Alex and Kevin and my other friends too.  But could I really push that responsibility onto someone else?  Interrupting someone else's life?  And then there was the fact that these clients that were calling at all hours were all high needs, high profile clients that needed to be handled very carefully.  Could I trust anyone to take care of them?  Was I a control freak?  It wasn't being too controlling if you wanted to be sure that your business was handled perfectly, right?  And if I really was the only one that could do it... but was I?

I had planned on trying to catch a few hours of sleep on the plane because my client's attorney wanted to see me as soon as I got into town, but now that these thoughts were rolling around in my head, any hope I had for sleep was lost.  By the time I landed, I had managed to talk myself in a circle at least three dozen times, and I was tired, frustrated, and stressed out about the situation.  While I waited for my rental car, I turned my phone on so I could let Liv know I was here.  I didn't want to potentially start any important conversations now while I needed to work, but I knew even if she was still pissed, she'd worry if she didn't hear from me.  But when my phone turned on, the battery icon flashed at me and then my screen went black again.  And I could see my charger very clearly in my mind, sitting on my desk.  Shit.

I drove straight to the attorney's office.  I'd have to pick up a charger when I was done.  By the time I left his office, I was pissed off again.  I had half a mind to tell my client he needed a new fucking attorney that didn't call me down there every time my client looked at someone wrong.  I absolutely did not need to be here for this, and the attorney had majorly inflated the situation when he called me and asked me to come down.  I probably wouldn't have been as mad if the situation hadn't caused a big fight with Liv, and I calmed myself down enough to get out of there without doing anything but smiling and letting him know I'd get right to work.

I found a hotel and was too tired to do anything when I finished my work but crash.  I realized once I was in bed that I had forgotten to pick up a phone charger.  I'd go tomorrow.

It was mid-morning by the time I managed to drag myself out of bed.  I finished up the work I had to do, sent a couple emails, and booked a flight back to Denver for this evening.  Then I went out in search of a phone charger so I could call Liv.  Maybe we could still salvage some of this weekend.

When I got back, I plugged in my phone and let it charge while I showered.  When I turned it on, I saw I had a voicemail.  I was guessing it was from Liv, and I just called her back before listening to it.  My call went straight to her voicemail, and I was confused.  Was she purposely avoiding me?  I called my voicemail to listen to her message.   "Brody, Lynn was in an accident.  She's in the hospital and I'm about to fly to Madison.  Please call me when you get this...I'm sorry for the way I acted.  I was out of line.  Please call me.  I love you."  I felt like I had been kicked in the gut.  The message was eerily like the message that I had gotten from my mom the night Heather died, minus the hospital part, the flying part, and the apology.  I was so shaken up by it that it took me several minutes to actually process the information in the message.

As soon as I did, I forgot about Heather.  I tried Liv again, still voicemail.  I had no idea what time she left her message.  Was she flying right now?  I called the airline and unsuccessfully attempted to sweet talk my way into a flight change without a fee.  When that didn't work, I tried throwing my weight around.  When that didn't work, I sighed and paid the damn fee.  The only way I could get a flight that day was to fly into Milwaukee and drive, so when I got off the phone I got back on my laptop and rented a car.

Then I tried Liv again, even though it had only been 15 minutes.  Still straight to voicemail.  I pulled up google and typed her dad's name (good remembering, huh?  I was impressed with myself) into the search box.  Within seconds I found his work number and was dialing it.

"Hello, this is Chris," came a crisp, baritone voice.

"Hi, my name is Brody Adler, and I'm Liv's boyfriend," I introduced myself awkwardly.  Not the best first conversation to have with your girlfriend's dad.  "I got a message from her saying she was flying to Madison, but I've been traveling myself and I have no idea when she left it.  I'm trying to get a hold of her, but her phone is off."

"Well hello Brody Adler, Liv's boyfriend." he replied, and he sounded cheerful.  "I've been trying to get a hold of her as well.  She's here in town though; I got her at the airport this morning and dropped her off at the hospital."

"I'm flying into Milwaukee this afternoon and driving up there," I said.  "Can you tell me where I can find her?  And is Lynn okay?"

He proceeded to give me the address of the hospital on campus and directions there from the airport.  He gave me the limited information he had about Lynn, and it didn't sound good.  "It's snowing pretty good here," he warned me, "so drive safe."  I assured him that I would, thanked him for the information and his time, and hung up.  My flight time was in two hours, so I quickly packed up my stuff and left for the airport. 

I spent most of this flight worrying about Liv.  I knew how much she cared about Lynn.  She had to be a wreck.  In the back of my mind, I knew that a conversation needed to be had about my commitment to work, if it was reasonable to make any changes, and if we would be able to deal with this long term, but for now I just wanted to be with her. 

It was indeed snowing pretty good when we landed, and a quick check of my still barely charged phone told me it was supposed to continue through the evening.  Of course.  I tried to call Liv again, still straight to voicemail.  I picked up my rental and programmed the hospital address into the GPS and took off.

I was nearly to Madison when my phone rang.  I answered without looking, hoping it was Liv.  It turned out to be Chris.  "Hey, can you do me and my wife a big favor?" he asked after I'd answered.

"I'll do what I can," I replied, curious.

"You might already know this, but Liv has a tendency to forget to eat when she's upset.  Can you try to make sure she gets something to eat?  If you can actually get her to eat, I'll be impressed, but if you could at least try, we would appreciate it."

"Liv, not eating?" I asked, surprised.  "Of course, I'll pick something up."

"I know, it was sometimes the only way we could tell if she was sick or upset about something," Chris replied with a chuckle.  We hung up and I marveled over the foreign idea of Liv not eating.  When I got close, I stopped and picked up some food.  I realized that I hadn't eaten much either, and ate mine while I drove the rest of the way.

It almost took me longer to find a damn place to park than it took me to drive there.  I was so sick of traveling and I wished that nothing from the last 24 hours had happened.  I just wanted to be back in Denver with Liv.  I walked inside and found an information desk, and they were able to direct me to the ICU waiting area.

I didn't see Liv at first, but then I noticed her laying across a few chairs.  She looked like she was sleeping, and she was flanked on one side by a good looking guy and on the other by a tall redhead who was curled into a ball in her chair and also appeared to be sleeping.  I approached their small group and crouched down in front of Liv.  I didn't want to wake her.  "You must be the boyfriend?" the guy asked.

"I am," I replied, cocking an eyebrow at him curiously.

"John," he said, holding out his hand to me.  Ah, John the Ex, I assumed.  I shook his hand and introduced myself.  "She's going to be awfully happy to see you, I think," he continued.  "She's in rough shape."

I pushed her hair out of her face and she stirred.  I squeezed her shoulder gently.  "Liv," I said softly.  Her eyes flew open and she sat up.  I was completely taken aback by her appearance.  The shadows under her eyes were so dark that if you looked quickly, it looked almost like she had been punched in the face.  Her skin was pale and drawn, except around her eyes where it was red and puffy.  It was obvious that she was miserable, and I hurt for her.

I hugged her tightly as she threw her arms around me, and any lingering anger I had from last night faded immediately.  I was a little thrown off when my proffered food sent her into a sobbing fit.  While she was crying, John filled me in on the fact that Liv hadn't slept since she had gotten up yesterday morning or eaten since the night before.  That certainly didn't help anything.

I pulled her over to a quieter corner of the waiting room and sat her down.  She choked out a scattered, emotional apology and we talked briefly about last night before I prompted her to eat.  She took the sandwich and ate silently, and I was surprised, since Chris had warned me it might not  happen, and John had said he couldn't get her to eat earlier.

I was relieved when the tall redhead told us we needed to leave.  I was exhausted and Liv clearly was too.  We both needed to be in bed.  Not that I thought either of us would get much sleep tonight.  Liv wasn't exactly good at sleeping when she was stressed out.  Then again, who is?

She seemed dazed and almost in a trance as I led her to the elevator and then the car.  I wished that there was something I could do to make this better, but the whole situation sucked and there was nothing any of us could do but wait. 

Liv's mom bombarded her with questions before we even walked in the door, and I wanted to tell her to shut up and back off a little.  But Liv dutifully filled her parents in, and then willingly sat down to the food her mom had saved for us, so I kept my mouth shut.  I was happy when Liv said she wanted to go to bed when we were done eating.

As I suspected, neither of us fell asleep easily.  I was too busy thinking about how I was going to better balance work and life and Liv, and even if I could have fallen asleep, Liv was thrashing around all over the place.  After one more crying fit, I finally got her settled, laying still against me.  The exhaustion must have finally won out over the stress and anxiety and her head got heavier against my chest as she fell asleep.

That gave me a little more time to think about what I was going to do.  I knew I had to make some changes, both for Liv's sake and mine.  I couldn't keep up this pace for much longer without losing my mind.  As I laid there, waiting for sleep, I started to formulate the plan I should have made months ago.

(Then) Lauren: Pretty Lies

Whoops.  I was editing this for next Friday and accidentally posted it.  Apparently the universe wants you guys to have two Lauren posts today.  I won't fight it.  If you didn't see the post from earlier, Flustered, you should scroll down and read that first, because otherwise you'll be out of order.  Enjoy my mistake! :)
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I see Ron Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and the next Wednesday too.

"You are in loooooove," Kendra sings, as I come in late on Wednesday night.

I roll my eyes.  "Yes, completely in love with someone I've been on 5 dates with.  That seems like a reasonable assumption."

"Plus an entire summer of hanging out," she points out.  I shrug.  That was true.  "Are you seeing him again soon?"

"I'm going to his apartment on Friday," I say casually, as I change into my pajamas.

"To his apartment?" she asks.  "That sounds scandalous."

"I hope so," I say, shooting her a wicked grin.

Friday rolls around and I can't help but be a little nervous.  I show up at Ron's apartment at 8, and he immediately pulls me into a long kiss.  He made dinner, and it smells and looks amazing.  After a few bites I comment, "This is really good," with mild surprise.

"Thanks," he replies, smiling at me.  "I don't cook often, but I pull out the skills every once in awhile to impress a pretty girl."  I roll my eyes and continue eating.  His phone rings from the counter and he cringes.  "Sorry, let me turn that off."  He walks over to grab it and I see him frown at it before silencing it.  He slides it into his pocket and rejoins me at the table.

After dinner we somehow end up in his bedroom, on his bed, making out.  His hands tentatively slide under my shirt, and I pause to pull it off, encouraging him.  When his fingers move down to the button of my jeans, he pauses and says, "Do you want to keep going?"  I nod, and help him pull my pants off.  I tug his shirt up over his head and he loses his pants too.

Several minutes later, he asks, "Do you want to...?"

"Yes," I breathe eagerly.  I do want to.

"Have you ever?"

I roll my eyes at his and huff out a frustrated breath.  All the questions are irritating me.  All two of them.  "Yes," I reply.  He doesn't need to know that it was only once, and it was meaningless and not good, and that I sort of hate myself for it.

But this?  With Ron?  Was more than once, meaningful, fucking amazing, and I loved myself for it.  Afterwards, I'm completely worn out and fall asleep almost immediately, with Ron's arm locked around my waist, his breath warm against my neck.  I feel safe, wanted, comfortable, and truly happy.

When I wake up in the morning, he's not in bed.  I look around, confused, but then I hear his voice from outside the bedroom.  I get up quietly and quickly pull my clothes on.  When I walk out of the bedroom, I see he's on the phone.  His back is to me and he doesn't hear me approach, because he's too busy saying, "I know... I love you, baby."

I make an involuntary noise that's somewhere between a gasp and a choke, and Ron spins around.  He stares at me for a second and then hangs up the phone without a word to whoever is on the other end.

"Who was that?" I ask, my voice sounding a lot calmer than I feel.  I feel like I want to punch him, smash his phone, scream at him, and cry...not necessarily in that order.

"My sister," he replies quickly.  Too quickly.  The phone starts to ring in his hand and he quickly silences it.

I raise my eyebrows.  "You call your sister 'baby'?" I ask sarcastically.  "That's sick."  I'm even more furious that he would lie to me when I just caught him.  I'm not stupid.  Don't you dare act like I'm stupid.  I fight for control of myself, knowing that there is no way in hell I will let him see how upset I am.  He doesn't deserve to know what kind of power he has over me.

Knowing he's caught, he stammers, "Laur, it's not what you think."

"Oh good!" I reply.  "So I didn't just overhear you having a conversation with the girlfriend you've been keeping a secret from me."  My favorite armor is up again, temporarily dulling the aching hurt and betrayal that I feel, and the dry, sarcastic words slip easily off my tongue.  He looks shocked, and I realize that he's never seen my sarcasm.  Well, I guess we both just learned something new about each other.

"Please, let me explain," he begs, and there is something desperate in his eyes.  It's that look that makes me stand there and wait.  "I'm going to break up with her.  I just...haven't been able to yet."

Inexplicably, this makes me laugh.  I grab my purse from the table and say, "I'm leaving.  Bye, Ron.  Good luck with your 'sister'."

"Wait," he says.  "Let me drive you, at least."

I laugh again, rudely.  "Do you really think I want to spend any more time in your company?"  And I'm out the door.  Once I'm down the stairs I pull out my phone and call Amanda.  She doesn't pick up.  I curse and try again.  Still nothing.  I know Ron doesn't live far from her, so I start walking in the direction I think she lives in.  After several minutes of walking, I spot her building and walk to it.  With every step, I feel my armor crumbling, and I'm getting closer and closer to having a meltdown right here on the sidewalk.  I'm certain that this is the worst walk of shame in the history of Denver.

When I get there, I ring her buzzer.  "Hello?" she answers, sounding sleepy.

"Amanda, it's me, let me in," I say quickly, desperately.  She buzzes me in, and her door is open before I even knock.

"Lauren, are you okay?  What are you doing here?"

I slump down onto her couch.  "I was at Ron's," I say quietly.

"Ron's?"  She asks, confused.  "But...he has a girlfriend."

"Yeah, I know," I reply bitterly.  "At least, now I do."  This is the last shred of my protective sarcasm that survived the walk, and I cling to it desperately as Amanda's eyes search my face, struggling to wrap her head around the scene.

"Oh no," she murmurs, understanding dawning on her.  "Laur, did you sleep with him?"

That question is my undoing, and as my armor shatters, I start to cry.  These are not silent, graceful tears.  These are gut-wrenching, ugly sobs that wrack my whole body.  I struggle to pull my knees to my chest as I melt down, wanting to be a small as possible, because that's how I feel.  She sits down next to me and puts her arms around me.  "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry," she says soothingly.  I'm surprised she's not lecturing me.

"Please, can you just take me back to the dorm?" I choke out between sobs.

"Of course," she replies.  Neither of us move, and she continues to hold me, stroking my hair as every ounce of anger and hurt floods out my body through my tear ducts, leaving just a numb, empty feeling behind.  I wipe my eyes and nose hurriedly with the tissue Amanda hands me, and once I've calmed down enough, we leave.

When we pull up near my dorm, she turns concerned eyes on me.  "Lauren, do you want me to come up?" she asks.  She knows I don't like to be alone when I'm upset.

"No, Kendra should be there," I reply.  I love my sister, but I can't bear to look at her right now.  She leans over and hugs me again, kissing the top of my head, and now more tears are leaking out my eyes.  Why won't they stop?  Finally, I manage to pull away.  "Thanks," I mutter, before shutting the door and heading in.

As I walk towards my room, the door suddenly opens and Kendra walks out with Alex and Christian.  Shit.  They spot me and Kendra says, "We're going to get some lunch, do you...Lauren?  Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I snap, far harsher than I intend.  Kendra cocks an eyebrow at my response, and Christian looks surprised.  "I'm fine," I repeat, forcing out a more civilized tone.  "I'm sorry."

Kendra nods calmly.  "Did you want to come get some lunch with us?" she asks.  I shake my head.  "Okay, well, I'll be back later.  Call me if you need anything."  I nod, still mute.

I pull the door to our room open and walk inside.  I'm throwing my purse on my desk when I realize that someone followed me in.  I turn, expecting Kendra, but instead I see Alex.  He walks over to the futon, pulls out his phone, sits down, and dials.  Looking up at me expectantly, he asks, "What do you like on your pizza?"

"Sausage and mushrooms," I answer automatically.  "Wait, what are you doing?"

"Ordering pizza," he replies.  Of course he is.  "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery....Large, sausage and mushrooms on all of it, then pepperoni and green pepper on half..."  He stands abruptly and opens the door to our mini fridge.  He frowns at the contents, or rather the lack.  He sees the empty Coke box next to the fridge and adds, "Two bottles of Coke also....Okay, thanks!"  Then he hangs up.  He hands me a bottle of water from our fridge, then sits back down on the futon.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

"Not really," I reply cautiously.  I sit down on the other side of the futon, completely confounded by his actions.

"Okay," he says.  He stands again and walks over to our meager DVD collection.  He grabs Pulp Fiction, pops it into the DVD player, and walks back to the futon.  At least he has good taste in movies?  We sit and watch in silence until we're interrupted by the pizza delivery person.  Alex pays for the pizza and sets the box on the floor in front of us, then hands me a piece.

"Thanks," I say softly.

Even after the pizza is gone, Alex is still sitting on my futon, watching my Pulp Fiction DVD.  "Why are you here?" I blurt suddenly.

He turns to me in surprise.  "Because you looked like you could use some company."  He says it simply, matter-of-factly.

I stare at him for a second, then say, "The guy I was dating has a girlfriend.  I found out this morning when I caught him telling her he loves her on the phone."

"Well that was stupid of him," Alex responds.  "Did you have sex with him?"

I gape at him.  How is that even close to an appropriate question for him to ask me?  But for reasons unknown to me, I answer.  "Yeah, unfortunately."

"Wow.  What a dick."  That's it.  No judgment.  No lectures.  Just a couple insults to Ron.

"No kidding," I reply.  Then I relax back against the futon to finish watching Pulp Fiction with Alex in comfortable silence.

(Then) Lauren: Flustered

Hello, lovely readers!  A few things before we get to Lauren...  There has been a significant spike in my page views this week.  Not sure if they're new readers or repeat offenders, but welcome to anyone new!  I had a request for a post from Brody's perspective about the work/Liv/etc situation, and I am working on it.  I hope to have it up sometime on Saturday, so you can come back for that!  And last, I just wanted to thank you guys all so much for the wonderful comments I've received lately.  You guys really know how to make something go to a girl's head ;)  Seriously though, you all (commenters and just readers alike!) make this blog worth the effort I put in, so thank you all so much for reading and commenting!
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"My baby sister, she lives!" Amanda announces dramatically when she answers the phone.  It's Sunday morning, and I'm lazing across my bed in my robe, putting off getting dressed.

"Hi, Amanda," I reply.  "You have a phone and the ability to make calls too, you know."  I can almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"I'm not the one that just moved to your city," she states.  "Anyway, I want to see you.  I'm having a couple people over on Saturday.  I want you to come, but I want to see you sooner too.  Want to go shopping today?"

"I can't today," I reply.  "I'm watching football with a friend."  I leave out that it's a male friend, and that I just met him and can hardly call him a friend yet.

"Oh good," she breathes.

"'Oh good' what?"  I ask.

"I'm glad you're making friends.  I was a little worried," she admits.

"Wow, rude," I mutter, affronted.  "That's a hell of a thing to say to someone whose company you wish to enjoy."

"Sorry, Laur," she chirps, not sounding sorry at all.  "I'm always worried about you.  Don't be mad."  And of course, I can't be mad at Amanda, infuriating though she can be.

"Whatever, Amanda.  What's the plan for Saturday?"

"Just come over around 7.  We're doing games and stuff.  There will be food and booze, so don't bring anything.  Unless you want to bring a friend or two, that would be good!"

"I'll ask my roommate," I say.

"Good!" she responds.  We chat for a few more minutes, then I catch sight of the time and realize I need to finish getting dressed and ready.  I say goodbye and stand, walking to my closet.  I quickly dress, pulling on jeans and my Ahman Green jersey.  I pull my straightener through my hair a few times, then debate makeup.  I settle on a little mascara, blush, and just balm on my lips.

"You look good," Kendra comments, looking up from her desk, where she's doing some homework.

"Thanks," I reply, a little self-consciously.

I'm a little nervous as I walk to Alex's dorm, hoping that I'm not completely misreading the situation.  But I don't need to worry.  The day goes off without a hitch, and Alex is a great football watching buddy.  He doesn't do anything to make me think that this was more than just a friendly thing.  After my nerves dissolve, I realize I'm actually really comfortable with Alex in a way I haven't been with anyone besides Liv (much less with a guy) in a really long time.

I end up staying until halftime of the evening game.  I realize I'd better get back to my room if I'm going to pay any attention in my 8am class tomorrow.  Why didn't anyone tell me that a Monday 8am class was a poor choice?

"I'll walk with you," Alex says.

"You don't have to, it's not far," I protest.

"I don't care," he replies.  "It's dark.  I'm walking with you."  I roll my eyes but secretly I'm a little pleased.  It's been a long time since someone besides my mom or Liv has been concerned about my safety.  We walk in the dark, chatting about the day's games.  When we get to my dorm, he smiles.  "Thanks for keeping me company today.  It was fun watching football with you."

I smile back.  "Thanks for having me.  Your TV is way better than mine."  We stare at each other for a couple seconds, then I hurriedly say, "Well, goodnight," and turn and walk inside.

Kendra is not in the room when I get there, and I'm grateful, not wanting to answer her questions about how the day was.  Everything had been so comfortable until the awkward ending.  Oh well.

The week flies by and soon Kendra and I are getting ready to head to Amanda's apartment. She insists on doing my makeup, saying, "Maybe you'll meet a hot, older man of your dreams."  I try to tell her that I probably already know most of the people that will be there, but she doesn't budge.  I finally cave and let her.  In the end, I'm pleased with the results.  She didn't do anything crazy, and I'm glad.

We take a cab to Amanda's apartment and Amanda lets us in.  I look around, recognizing mostly everyone there, as I suspected I would.  Then my eyes stop on a familiar face.  Ron.  Holy shit.  In the back of my mind, I knew he might be here, but I had refused to acknowledge the possibility.  He smiles at me and I feel myself melting under his gaze.  Kendra elbows me, ruining the moment, and gives me a subtly questioning look.

I give her a tour of Amanda's place and take a moment to whisper, "That guy?  In the gray long sleeved shirt?  He...we..." How do I explain it?  I had never told anyone about Ron.  Not Amanda, though she suspected something, not Liv.  No one.  "We spent a lot of time together the summer I was out here," I finish rather lamely.  "I...liked him, I guess."

"Liked?" Kendra whispers.  "Past tense?"  The look on her face says she doesn't think it's past tense, and I might agree with her skepticism.  I shrug.   We're out of time as Amanda calls for me and we walk back into the living room.  I introduce Kendra to everyone and Amanda introduces us both to the couple people there I haven't met. 

I stumble through the night, trying to wrap my head around the way the my heart skipped when I saw Ron.  I manage to avoid anything but brief, polite exchanges with him until almost the end of the night.  Amanda is drunk, laughing on the couch with her friends.  Kendra is talking to one of Amanda's friends, oblivious to much of anything else.  I feel suddenly overwhelmed, and I'm walking down the hallway to take a breather in Amanda's room when I hear footsteps behind me.

I turn and see Ron.  "Hey," he says softly.

"Hi," I reply, barely able to meet his gaze for some reason.  He steps closer and stops a couple feet away from me.

"You look great," he says.  "I didn't know you were going to school here."

"I am," I say, unnecessarily. 

"I know," he replies, fighting the corners of his mouth, which are turning up into a teasing smile.  After several seconds, he asks, "Can I see you sometime?  Without all..." he waves his hand towards the ruckus in the living room, "this?"

"Ummm..." I mentally kick myself for losing such control of my senses by merely being in his presence.  He raises his eyebrows at my hesitation.  "Yeah, sure." 

He takes my outward ambivalence in stride and smiles.  "Tomorrow?  Dinner, maybe?"

I consider this.  I had told Alex I would watch football with him again tomorrow, but there was no reason I had to stay all day again.  "Sure," I reply.  We make plans for him to pick me up on campus at 7:00.  I'll have to leave right after the second game, but that should work.  I wonder briefly if this is a date.  I think it probably is.  I'm disappointed that I'm thrilled by the idea.

Kendra and I leave shortly after.  I don't tell her about the date.  I go straight to the bathroom to get ready for bed when we get back.  I don't know why I'm avoiding talking to her about it.

In the morning, I call Liv.  Before I can stop myself, I spill the entire story of Ron (including details from the summer I met him).  As an afterthought, I tell her about Alex.  She's silent for several seconds afterward, and I assume she's judging me.  Just as I'm about to change the subject, she says, "So you're watching football with one guy, and then going on a date with the other?  That's awesome, Lauren!"

"What?" I ask, completely confused.

"You heard me.  I said that's awesome.  Keep your options open, meet people.  There's nothing wrong with it.  Do you still like Ron?"

I hesitate. "I don't know," I answer honestly.  "Yes, maybe.  Probably.  I don't know."

"You're flustered.  You don't get flustered, so you must."

"Yes, because being unsure of my feelings clearly means that I like him," I reply, rolling my eyes.  Liv laughs.  We talk for awhile longer before I have go get ready.

I assume that I'll feel weird when I'm at Alex's, knowing that in just a few hours I'll be going on a date with someone else.  But instead, I feel oddly powerful.  I let him walk me back to my room after the second game, and I get there with 45 minutes to change and put on some more makeup for my...date.


I'm startled by a knock on my door at 6:55.  I open it and see Ron standing there, looking absolutely amazing in a striped button down and dark jeans.  He smiles.  "Hey...I was going to meet you downstairs," I say, thrown off by how good he looks and the fact that he's here when I was planning on him being downstairs.

"I know you were," he replies, bending slightly to kiss my cheek.  "I wanted to meet you up here.  You look beautiful.  I'm a little early, but you look ready.  Are you?"  I nod, feeling suddenly shy.   He takes my hand and I step out of the room, glad that Kendra is out somewhere with Christian.

We catch up over dinner, and once I get used to being in his presence again, it starts to feel familiar.  We talk easily, no awkwardness here.  After dinner, we wander around the neighborhood for nearly an hour, hand in hand.  When he finally drops me off at my dorm, I insist on him not bothering to park and walk me up.  I don't want to be tempted to invite him in.  He agrees finally, but gets out and opens my door.

When I step out, he catches me around the waist and pulls me against him.  "I'm glad you're here.  I want to see you again."

"Okay," I say.  I realize that wasn't a very good answer, and add, "I'd like that."  He smiles at me, then presses his lips lightly against mine.  He pulls back slightly, but I lean forward and kiss him again.  He wraps one arm tighter around my waist and his other hand pushes into my hair, tilting my head up further as my lips part against his.  Finally, what I spent an entire summer wanting, and it's worth every second of the wait.  I sigh in disappointment when it ends.

"When?" he asks.  I look blankly at him, my mind still reeling from our kiss.  "When can I see you again?" he clarifies. 

"Thursday?" I suggest.  He agrees and we make plans for Thursday.