(Now) Kinsley: Content

Part of what we had talked about in our three-hour marathon discussion was setting boundaries with his family.  We'd agreed on one set family dinner a week (Sunday nights) and anything beyond that we would decide on together.  And I was relieved when Damien informed me that Adrienne (his snotty step-sister, the one I didn't like) wouldn't be at the first dinner I was attending since we'd gotten back together.

Damien's father had died when he was 6, and his mom (Claire) had met Robert (Adrienne's dad) a couple years later.  Amongst other things, Claire loved that Robert had a daughter whose name was of French origin, just like her two children (Damien and his older sister, Elize).  Robert was also widowed, and Adrienne was really little when Robert and Claire started dating.  They had merged fairly seamlessly into a new family, but apparently Adrienne had always been a bit more...difficult than Damien and Elize.

I was really fucking nervous as Damien drove us out to his mom's house.  I fiddled with my phone, twisted my hair up into a bun, then took it down, then put it back up, fiddled with my phone some more, and was reaching for my hair again when Damien intercepted my hand and laced his fingers through  mine.  "Relax," he said soothingly.  "It's going to be fine.  My mom is excited to see you."

"I don't know if I believe you," I replied.  "You told me they hold grudges."

"Yeah, well that was before I threw myself under the bus in your honor to explain our brief breakup and your absence," he said wryly.  "Now I think they like you even more because you put up with my ridiculous bullshit."

Damien had decided the best way to fix his fuck-up of not telling his family why I'd suddenly disappeared was to take the majority of the responsibility for our breakup.  While we both recognized our parts, I had no problem with him taking the fall as far as his family was concerned.  I figured I could use all the help I could get to win some favor with his family.

"You are pretty ridiculous," I joked, relaxing a little.

It was a beautiful evening and Robert had the grill going in the back.  Claire's face lit up when she saw me as we walked through the kitchen and I relaxed a little more.  "Hi, Mrs. Landry," I said, hugging her.

She pulled away and gave me a stern look.  "You haven't even been gone for two months, don't you dare 'Mrs. Landry' me," she said.

"Sorry, Claire," I said sheepishly.

She grinned and hugged me again.  "We missed you, sweetheart.  The kids will be thrilled to see you."

Damien wrapped his arm around me as we continued outside.  "See?" he said, kissing the side of my head as we walked.  "She couldn't be happier."

"Yes, that went well," I agreed.  We paused near the grill to say hi to Robert, and he greeted me cheerfully as well.  We continued past the patio into the yard, where Damien's older sister Elize was watching her two kids, Luke (6) and Amelia (4) play in the grass.  Luke spotted us and came running over, barreling right into Damien's legs.

"Uncle Damien!" he yelled excitedly.  I laughed as I watched Damien grab Luke around the waist and flip him upside down before he carefully set the giggling boy down in the grass.

"Kinsley!  Look what I can do!"  Amelia screeched my name from several yards away, and when I looked over, she immediately turned a crooked somersault in the grass, tipping over sideways halfway through.

"Wow, that was great!" I called as she got up and ran over.  "Where did you learn how to do that?"

"In dimnastics class!" she yelled, leaping over Luke to throw herself at Damien.  He lifted her up as Elize walked over.

"She's still working on the 'g' sound," Elize said, chuckling.

"It's a tough one," I replied, smiling nervously.  Elize smiled back, but it lacked warmth.

"Kinsley?" came Amelia's little voice.  I looked over.  Damien had her up on his shoulders and she was looking down at me very seriously.  "I heard mommy tell daddy that Uncle Damien made you really mad, and that's why you weren't coming to play with us anymore.  Sometimes Luke calls me mean names and I get really mad and don't want to play with him.  Did Uncle Damien call you mean names?"  I froze, because I had no idea how to field this one.

Luckily, Elize broke in with, "Honey, don't you worry about that, it's not any of our business.  Why don't you show Kinsley more things you've learned in gymnastics class?"

"Okay!  Down, Uncle Damien!"  He easily lifted her over his head and set her gently on the ground.  She ran a few feet away and started doing all sorts of jumps and turning in circles, occasionally yelling, "look at me!  Kinsley!  Look at me!"

"I'm sorry," Elize said, looking embarrassed.  "I didn't realize that she--"

"Don't worry about it," I said quickly.  I was just as eager to put her out of her misery as she was to change the subject.  "How long has she been in gymnastics?"

"A couple months," Elize said.  "Oh, I'll be right back.  Can you guys keep an eye on them?"  Then she hurried away.

I turned and looked at Damien and said, "She hates me."

"She does not," he said.  "She'll warm up, and you're doing great."

"Kinsleeeeeeyyyyy!" Amelia shrieked.  "Come spin with meeeeee!"

I laughed.  "At least someone is excited to see me.  You'd better be nice to me, or Amelia is going to kick your butt."  See, even I can censor myself in the presence of children.

Damien and I played with Luke and Amelia until it was time to eat.  Elize called them in to wash their hands, and they quickly ran towards the house, leaving Damien and I alone together in the yard.  I looked at him nervously, and he pulled me towards him.  He kissed me quickly and said, "I hate that you're so nervous."

"I'm not really a fan either," I replied.

He wrapped an arm around me as we walked towards the house.  "We'll go right after dinner, okay?  And hey, if Elize was really that bothered by your presence, she wouldn't have left us alone with the kids.  I promise."

"I know," I said.  "I'm okay, it's just weird being back."  I smiled up at him.

Claire quickly ushered us in.  "I wanted to eat outside, but the wind picked up, so we're stuck in here," she said apologetically.  "Here, Kinsley."  She handed me a glass of wine and motioned to a seat.  I sat down and Damien sat next to me.  Claire sat down on my other side, and I was relieved to not be sitting next to Elize.  Her husband Jason greeted me with a friendly smile, then turned back to getting the kids into their chairs.

Dinner actually went well, and while she wasn't exactly friendly, Elize was perfectly polite.  I relaxed and loosened up as the meal went on, and by the time we were clearing our plates, I felt much more comfortable.  I insisted on helping Claire clean up, then excused myself to go to the bathroom.

On my way back from the bathroom, I ran into Elize in the empty hallway.  "Look," she said.  "I'm sorry about earlier.  About Amelia, and being so short with you.  It's just...Damien was kind of a mess while you guys were broken up.  We obviously knew something was going on but he wouldn't tell us, and it sucked to see it.  I don't really know what happened, but you both seem happy now, so if things are better, I'm glad you're back."  She smiled briefly and then slipped past me, not giving me a chance to respond.  Well, that was really fucking weird.

I continued back through the kitchen and out to the patio, where everyone was gathered, watching the kids play in the yard and enjoying a post-dinner drink.  I sat down in the seat next to Damien and he smiled at me, and I tried to imagine him as "kind of a mess" but I couldn't.  He was always so perfectly put together.  But I'm not going to lie, I selfishly felt a little glad that I wasn't the only mess during our breakup.

"Well," Damien said after we'd finished our drinks.  "We should probably head out.  I need to be at work early tomorrow."  I was relieved, because I didn't want to be the one to initiate us leaving, but I was definitely ready to go.  I was ready to have this first time back with his family be over so the next one could be better.  Hopefully.

From the yard, Luke saw Damien stand and came running over and threw himself at Damien.  Damien laughed and lifted him up, bear hugging him.  Amelia, who had followed behind Luke, wrapped herself around Damien's legs.  I laughed as I watched him tuck Luke under one arm and reach down for Amelia with the other.

I loved watching him with his niece and nephew.  He was so good with them, and I had to admit that it made think about having kids with him some day.  I'd always wanted kids, but since I hadn't planned on ever really being in a long term, serious relationship with anyone and didn't have any desire to be a single mom, I'd kind of just resigned myself to always being the cool "aunt" to my friends' kids.  But watching Damien with Luke and Amelia made thoughts of having my own creep into the back of my head.  Someday.  Maybe.

I turned my head and caught Damien's mom smiling as she watched me watch him.  I looked away quickly, my cheeks getting hot, and saw Amelia squirming to be put down.  Damien set her gently on the ground and she came over and climbed into my lap.  "When are you coming back?" she asked, balling her tiny fists up with handfuls of my shirt clutched between her fingers.

"Next week," I said brightly, smiling at her.

"Do you promise?" she asked, looking at my skeptically.

"I promise, unless I'm sick or something," I said.  She frowned at me, tipping her head down and glaring up at me through her blonde curls.

"Hey, Amelia," Damien said.  "You and Luke should leave your mom and dad at home and come hang out with me soon."

Amelia turned her pouty frown on him.  "Only if Kinsley's there," she declared, burrowing against me.  I stifled a laugh and gave Damien a smug look.

"I think we can make that happen," I agreed.  "If it's alright with your mom and dad."

"Take them," Jason said quickly.  "Whenever you want.  They're all yours."  We all laughed, and I carefully stood up, lifting Amelia as I did.

"Can we go now?" she asked, her frown gone.

I laughed.  "Sorry sweetpea, not today.  It's almost bedtime."  The frown returned and she immediately demanded to be put down.  I put her down and she ran out into the yard with Luke hot on her heels.

We said goodbye to Jason, Elize, Robert, and Claire, and walked back through the house towards Damien's car, which was parked in the driveway.   "Sorry, I really didn't mean for you to get roped into a family thing," he said, as soon as we were in the car.

I nodded.  "I know, I volunteered.  They're my favorite people in your family," I said, smiling.  "I'd love to hang out with them for the day sometime."

"She really missed you," Damien said.  "She asked about you every time you weren't there."

"As she should, I'm pretty fucking awesome," I said, smirking at him.  For some reason that reminded me of what Elize had said, and before I could think too hard about if it was a good topic of conversation or not, I said, "I ran into Elize in the hallway after I went to the bathroom."

"Oh?" Damien said.  He dropped his hand onto my thigh, just above my knee, and lightly stroked my bare skin with his fingertips as he drove.

"She said you were 'kind of a mess' while we were broken up.  I was trying to imagine it, and I just couldn't.  To me, 'kind of a mess' means maybe you got a little snippy with someone once."

He chuckled, then shook his head.  "I actually got really drunk one night when I was here," he admitted.  That surprised me.  I hadn't, in 11 months, seen him get even a little bit drunk.  He drank, but he usually had just one or two drinks, maaaaaybe 3 if we were wherever we were for longer than a couple hours, and then drove my drunk ass home.  I'd offered to drive many times but he always insisted.

"So you really were kind of a mess," I replied.  "This should shock absolutely no one, but I also got really drunk one night.  Except I threw up and blacked out, which are probably not things you've ever done in your entire life."

He laughed.  "I went to college too, you know."

"I'm trying to figure out what drunk Damien is like.  You should get drunk sometime so I can experience it."

"I don't think you really want that," he said, shaking his head.  "I'm not a very fun drunk.  I just get quiet and moody."  He glanced over at me and said, "Sorry about Elize."

"She kind of apologized," I replied, shrugging.  "It went better than I was anticipating.  I won't be as nervous next time, but I don't know if I'll ever not be a little nervous.  It's just not what I'm used to, you know?  I love seeing you with Amelia and Luke, though," I admitted.  "They love spending time with you, and you're so good with them."

He glanced at me and smiled.  "It's easy with them," he replied.  "They're such good kids."  The conversation easily could have gotten very serious, very quickly, but neither of us took it there.  It wasn't time, we weren't ready.  We needed more time to figure everything out, and putting the pressure of "future" talks on ourselves wouldn't help.

We rode in silence for a few minutes, and then Damien asked, "Can I spend the night with you?"

"Of course," I responded.  We stopped at his house so he could get clothes for the next day, and then continued on to my house.  By the time we got to my house and climbed into bed, I realized that I wasn't really in the mood for sex.  It was weird for me to be able to enjoy laying next to someone without any intention of having sex.  Not bad weird, just different.

When Damien's hand left my back and wandered down to my ass, I reached for it and set it back down on my back.  "Is it okay if we don't tonight?" I asked sleepily.

"Of course," he replied, resuming stroking my lower back.  "Is everything okay?"  Apparently even he thought it was weird for me to not want to have sex.

"Yes," I said, pressing my face against his chest and inhaling deeply.  "I'm happy just being with you tonight."

"Well, I can't argue with that," he replied, tipping his head down to kiss my forehead.  "I love you, Kinsley."

"I love you," I replied.  I fought sleep for as long as I could, trying to prolong my contentment at just laying here, enjoying his fingers on my back and his chest rising and falling beneath my head.  Eventually, sleep won over my efforts to stay awake, and I rolled over onto my pillow.  My fingers found Damien's, and they twined together before I drifted into sleep.