Confessions

It started raining Friday afternoon while I was finishing up my paperwork.  I stared out my window into the cold, gray precipitation.  I was still trying to decide what to do about James.  I was pretty sure that I just needed to end things with him, but I was still second-guessing myself.  Brody had called me again on Thursday night, and then this morning as well.   I was starting to find the regular calls comforting, even though I declined them all.

The rain was coming down even harder as I drove home.  I showered and dried my hair and was surveying my closet with a knot in my stomach when my phone rang.  It was James.

"Olivia, hey.  I'm stuck at work.  I had a crisis come up and I have to take care of it.  It'll probably take me several hours, so unfortunately I have to cancel tonight.  I'm really sorry."  His voice was apologetic and sincere. 

The knot in my stomach loosened a little.  I could delay my decision even more.  "That's okay," I answered.  "I mean, it sucks, but I understand."

"Thanks," he said warmly.  "I'll call you if I get done sooner than I think I will, okay?"  I agreed and we hung up.  I pulled on yoga pants and a t-shirt and grabbed my Kindle.  I curled up in bed and read until I fell asleep, avoiding the one thing I should have been figuring out.

I was startled awake by my phone ringing.  I was hopeful as I picked it up.  When I saw it was James, I felt let down.  With some surprise, I realized I was disappointed it wasn't Brody.  I debated not answering, but I finally knew what I had to do.

"Hey," James said.  "I know it's late, but I'm finally done.  I'm near your neighborhood so I thought I'd call to see if you were still awake.  Since you are, can I swing by?"

"No," I said simply.  "I'm sorry."

"Busy?" he teased, with a laugh.

"No.  But you're wonderful, and you deserve better than a girl that's in love with someone else."

"I deserve..." he trailed off, confused, but with a slight edge to his voice.  "What?"

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"Liv--"

"Goodnight, James."  I hung up.  I waited for a minute to make sure he wouldn't call back.  He didn't. 

I looked at the clock.  12:21am.  I stood up, grabbed my purse, and left.  I backed my car out of my garage into the driving rain.  I was halfway to Brody's house before I even became fully aware of what I was doing.  I hoped he was home.  What if he wasn't?  What if there were other people there?  But by this point, it was too late to go back.  I pulled into his driveway at 12:47, and it was raining so hard I could hardly see the house.  Taking a deep breath, I sprinted from my car to his front door.

I stood on the front step in the cold rain and pushed the doorbell.  I waited, starting to shiver.  I was about to give up and go back to my car when I saw a light go on.  A second later, Brody opened the door, hair tousled and wearing a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else.  He gaped at me for a second before pulling me inside.  "Jesus, Liv, you're soaked.  Are you crazy?  Why--"  He stopped suddenly, looking at me carefully.   He reached out as if to touch me, but stopped short, his hand wavering in mid-air for a second before dropping back to his side.  "Olivia...are you okay?"

"Actually, I've never been better," I said, taking a step towards him.  We were now just inches apart.  He didn't move, and I slipped my arms around his neck.  "I'm in love with you," I said quietly, my eyes locked with his.  Surprise flashed on his face, but I didn't give him a chance to respond.  I pulled his head down to mine and kissed him. 

He kissed me back for several seconds before pulling away.  He studied my face for a long moment, tenderly stroking my cheek, then my jaw.  But that was the end of the tenderness.  He yanked my soaked shirt over my head and rolled my yoga pants down.  After pushing his shorts off, he grabbed me by the back of the legs and lifted me out of the wet puddle of pants at my feet.  He carried me over to the couch, where he sat with me on his lap.  He kissed me hard, reaching behind my back to unhook my bra.  He pulled it off roughly while nipping aggressively at my earlobe.  Brody repositioned me on his lap and pulled me down onto him.  I moaned as he thrust hard into me, holding my hips still with his hands.  It seemed like less than a minute until I cried out and shuddered, digging my nails into his arms.

He flipped me onto my back, and suddenly his urgency was gone.  He paused, kissing me softly and pushing my tangled, dripping hair out of my face.  He moved slowly, kissing my lips, my cheeks, my neck, my shoulder.  He watched my face, no longer in a hurry to finish, as though he was scared that when we were done I'd leave and never look back.  I reached up, burying my fingers in his hair.  I pulled his face back to mine and kissed him hard, moving my hips to match his movements.  He slid a hand between us, pressing his thumb against me.  I gasped and came again, arching my back and pressing my face against his arm.  He followed quickly, groaning and collapsing on top of me, breathing hard.

I began to shiver again, and he snapped out of his daze, feeling my cold, clammy skin.  "You're freezing, Liv," he said, the first words either of us had spoken since my confession.  He stood up and quickly pulled on his shorts.  He picked me up and carried me towards the stairs.  I laid my wet head against his chest and shivered, too drained and cold to do much else.  He carried me through his room to the bathroom and turned on the shower.  Grabbing a towel out of the small closet, he said, "I'll hang this here for you and try to find you something to wear."  He hung the towel on the rack and stepped out of the bathroom.

Steam was already starting to collect as I stepped into the shower.  I shuddered as the hot water hit my cold body, but quickly relaxed into the spray.  I rinsed my hair and let the water beat down onto my neck.  I stayed there for several minutes before turning off the water and reaching for the towel.  I wrapped it around myself and stepped out of the shower.  Brody appeared in the doorway with clothes in his hand.  "I found the smallest stuff I could, but I'm sure it's still too big," he said, holding out a t-shirt, sweatshirt, and shorts to me.  As he walked out of the bathroom, he said over his shoulder, "There should be a new toothbrush in the top right drawer if you want."

I dried off and dressed.  Everything was huge on me, but it was dry and warm and smelled like him.  I found a toothbrush and his comb in the drawer and brushed my teeth and pulled the comb quickly through my disastrously tangled hair before twisting it up into a bun on top of my head.  I hung the towel carefully on the rack to dry and regarded myself in the mirror.  Satisfied, I turned off the light and walked out into Brody's bedroom.

He had a light on next to his bed, and he was leaning against the headboard, watching me.  He held out a bottle of water when I was close enough.  I took it gratefully and drank.  After I put the cap back on and set it back down, he reached out to me and caught me around the waist.  He pulled me down into bed next to him, and pulled the blankets up.  I settled against him, my back against his chest, as he wrapped his arms around me.  I was finally warm.

"That was so dumb," he said gently.  "Why didn't you just call me?"

"I didn't want you to tell me not to come," I said, my voice muffled by the pillow.

"I would never tell you that," he responded quietly.  He tightened his arms around me. 

I was almost asleep when he spoke again, softly.  "Liv?"

"Mmmm," I managed, drunk with fatigue.

"I'm in love with you too."

"I know," I murmured back, before drifting into sleep.