So Much For Normal

This is only because of that whole hitting 100,000 views thing.  And because someone asked for it.  I'm easy, what can I say?  
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By the time I rang Kendra and Christian's doorbell, I was far more awake.  I handed over the bottle of wine I had brought when Kendra opened the door.  Lauren, Kinsley, and Alex were already there.  "Is Savannah coming?" I hissed to Lauren as I sat down.  She shrugged.  A few minutes later the doorbell rang again and Brody came in.  I tried to ignore the flip flopping of my stomach.

We had made it through two and a half rounds and weren't even tiring of the game when my phone rang.  I looked at the display and saw it was my friend Amy from home.  It was her birthday and I had called her and left a message earlier.  It would be almost 1am there, so it was sure to be an entertaining call.

I stepped out onto the deck and took the call.  "Happy birthday Amy!" I answered.

"Livvers!!" she screeched, using my most hated nickname.  But since she was Amy and it was her birthday, she got a pass.  She was with 90% of my friends from home and I talked to a bunch of them.  I hung up the phone 15 minutes later feeling homesick for the first time since moving out here.  I leaned against the railing of the deck, breathing in the cool night air.

I jumped when the glass door behind me slid open, and turned to see Brody stepping out onto the deck.  He slid the door closed firmly and walked over.  "Everything okay?" he asked when he saw my face, leaning against the railing next to me.

I nodded.  "It was a friend from home.  It's her birthday and she was with a lot of my friends and hearing how much fun they were having just made me really miss everyone."  Brody slipped a comforting arm around my back and pulled me against his side.  I slowly let myself relax against him as he rubbed my arm.  After several minutes, he turned me towards him and touched his lips softly to mine.

When I didn't pull away or protest, he kissed me again, this time for real.  The kiss was tender and electric and perfect.  I kissed him back for several seconds without thinking, until it suddenly dawned on me that just this morning I was having sex with someone else.  Someone that I also had feelings for.  I pulled back and stared at him for a second.

"Brody, I..." I started.  "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have... I can't do this.  I'm sorry."  I spun and went quickly back inside.  A muttered curse and the sharp crack of Brody's fist coming down hard on the railing followed me in.  I grabbed my purse and hastily thanked Christian and Kendra for having us and then told them I had to go.  Lauren caught up to me just outside the door.

"Hey, where are you going?  Are you okay?"  She looked worried.

"I'm fine.  I just did something stupid and I just need to go home," I spat back, continuing down the driveway to my car.  "I'll call you tomorrow." 

I was about to swing my car door shut when someone caught it.  I jumped and looked up.  It was Alex.  "What are you doing, Liv?" he asked quietly, resting an arm over the top of the door.  I knew he didn't mean right now.

"I don't know," I said, miserably.

"Well figure it out, because you're making him crazy."  He carefully shut my car door and walked away without waiting for me to respond.

I sped home, and when I got there I buried myself under the blankets of my bed without bothering to change or wash off my makeup.  What the hell just happened?  Why had it felt so right?  I had no idea what to do.


On Sunday morning, my legs were so sore I barely made it from my bed to the couch.  I was laying there under a blanket, watching Real Housewives, when the doorbell rang.  I ignored it.  A minute later, my phone pinged.  The text was from Lauren and simply said, "Let me in."  I sighed and dragged myself to the door.  I unlocked it and turned the knob before walking back to the couch.  Lauren pushed it the rest of the way open and stalked in.

"Someone better have died," she declared, looking me over with disdain.

"Nope," I said back flatly.  She walked over to the couch and shoved my feet off so she could sit down.  She tried a different approach.

"Liv?  What's going on?  You ran out so fast, and Brody came back in looking like someone kicked his puppy..."

I sighed again.  "He kissed me.  I kissed him back.  It felt like it was supposed to, until I remembered that I'm dating someone else.  So, that's what happened."

Lauren looked thoughtfully at the wall above the TV.  "Are you still dating James because you like him and you want to, or are you still dating James to teach Brody a lesson?" she asked bluntly.

I blinked in surprise.  "That is not a fair question at all," I protested.  "You know I didn't get into this to teach Brody a lesson.  If that had been my goal, I'd have agreed to go out with James the first time he asked.  I'm dating James because I felt a connection with him, and because I decided not to put my life on hold for someone that didn't--and shouldn't have--put his life on hold for me.  And that's what you told me to do!"

"But now Brody is back, and I think you have a lot to do with that.  So now what?"

"Lauren, if I knew the answer to that, we wouldn't be having this conversation," I said with irritation.  "I like James.  I'm not just using him for some nefarious, vindictive purpose.  I just happen to also have feelings for someone else too."

"But look at you!  You're miserable, Brody's miserable, and James just doesn't know any better," Lauren pointed out.

"Actually, he knows more than you think," I replied.  Then I filled her in on what he had said to me at Kinsley's birthday party, about Brody being in love with me, and James not caring because I was there with him.  "What does that even mean?" I asked, when I had finished.

"Well, either that he likes you enough that he doesn't even care that you might be in love with someone else, or he's not taking your fledgling relationship too seriously yet, which is logical and probably a good thing."

"Yeah, the second one is probably more likely," I agreed.

She nodded, then said, "And you should probably figure out what you want before he moves into taking things seriously."  I knew she was right.  I put my head in my hands, sighing deeply.  "Liv?" Lauren said after a minute.  I looked up.  "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you need to stop thinking so much and just feel."

I grimaced at her.  "Thanks, Dr. Phil," I said.  

"Gross!" she exclaimed.  "Don't even.  But, just for the record, from where I'm standing, it looks like Brody is winning."

She stayed for a few hours.  James and Brody both called while she was still there, and I silenced the ringer both times, not taking either call.  Lauren was right, I needed to figure out what I wanted.

I called James back later that evening and spoke to him briefly--just long enough to find out we both had crazy busy weeks.  That relieved some of my guilt at my plan to take some time for myself this week.  We made plans for Friday, and I decided that I had to figure out what it was I wanted by then.